• Story: Past Sins (Update Side Story Complete!)

    by

    [Normal]     "Dark and foreboding. A stirring tale that shows us that even those touched by darkness can shine" - Pre-reader #12

    Author: Pen Stroke, Assisted By Batty Gloom

    Description: On a dark night filled with even darker magics, an insane cult attempts to give Nightmare Moon a body and life of her own, utterly separate from Princess Luna. But, when the spell is interrupted by Celestia, something unexpected is created.

    Now, an little black alicorn filly named Nyx finds herself living under the care of Twilight Sparkle, only to be haunted by memories and emotions from her past. Is she Nightmare Moon reborn or is she simply a doppelganger with a soul and mind of her own? Can Twilight Sparkle protect Nyx from those refuse to see past her dragon eyes and black coat?

    Or, will Nyx be forced to inherit the sins that may not even be hers and become the greatest evil Equestria has ever known?
    Past Sins

    Past Sins Alternate Link with Table of Contents

    Side-Stories:
    Trinkets (Part 1 of 3 of the "In The Family" mini-series)
    Nightmare or Nyx? (Part 2 of 3 of the "In The Family" mini-series)
    Winter Bells (Part 3 of 3 of the "In The Family" mini-series)
    First Hours
    Glimpses (New Side Story Part 4-5!)

    Fan Content:

    Past Sins Soundtrack on Youtube
    DeviantArt Group — The Nyxian Alliance

    Some of Past Sins' first fan-art can be found below
    Art and Comics! (WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS ON COMIC)
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    Source: Geoff
    Source: Brongaar
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    Source (Comic, click for full!)
    Monday, August 29, 2011 op
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    3,762 comments:

    1. Flygon16July 21, 2011 at 1:14 AM

      Seriously, Pen, just what is it that you want from me?
      Stars?
      Money?
      Internets?
      Manly tears?
      BECAUSE YOU FREAKIN' HAVE THEM ALREADY! ALL OF THEM!!! WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

      ReplyDelete
    2. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 1:17 AM

      The simple fact that I know the artist and the author alone gets this a five from me.

      ReplyDelete
    3. Batty GloomJuly 21, 2011 at 1:17 AM

      @Sethisto

      Zank you, Seth! Zat means a lot to me und Pen Stroke! Oh, he will be so excited tomorrow vhen he vakes up!

      ReplyDelete
    4. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 1:20 AM

      I FUCKING HATE YOU! I hate you because my stories will never get 6-stars and you have more talent than I will ever have. What's more is that you won't even read this comment and I am pretty much just screaming into the wind, so what does it matter. YES, I'm jealous and YES your story is really really good. It's better than what I can make with all my effort and I HATE you for it.

      And don't you dare feel sorry for me! The minute you do that I'll have an opening to cut your throat. That is what people like me do. We hate those who do better than us, and we try to get rid of them. There is no real point in trying to use that effort to improve our talent since we won't be as good as you. So we'll target you. NO, I won't tell you who I am, and YES, this is a grudge. My only wish for you is to die instantly in a car crash so that there is one less reminder in the world of how much I fail at what I try to do.

      ReplyDelete
    5. KiraFan05July 21, 2011 at 1:21 AM

      Love your work. I can't wait for the next chapters to be posted. I love little Nyx. Best OC pony ever.

      ReplyDelete
    6. Ikusa GTJuly 21, 2011 at 1:23 AM

      @Anonymous Okey Dokey Loki

      ReplyDelete
    7. RealityCheckJuly 21, 2011 at 1:26 AM

      This is a Nightmare Moon fanfic. it is made of win and awesome.

      And adorable.

      ReplyDelete
    8. Flygon16July 21, 2011 at 1:26 AM

      Shit. Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit. Guys, I just realized we have a MASSIVE problem on our hooves:
      [minor spoilers]
      I don't know which of Twilight's kids is more adorable, Nyx or Midnight! It's an impossible choice!
      [/spoilers]

      ReplyDelete
    9. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 1:27 AM

      Pinkie Pie makes keeping secrets 20% scarier.


      Nyx is incredibly ridiculously adorable.


      Can't wait until next update.

      ReplyDelete
    10. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 1:30 AM

      I am so glad this updated so fast. I got to get the taste of Luna vs Threesome out of my mouth.

      ReplyDelete
    11. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 1:38 AM

      This is easily one of the best fanfics I've ever read. It's almost unbearable to wait for the story to continue.

      And updating it with 3 chapters at once was like Christmas in summer.

      ReplyDelete
    12. Star ShineJuly 21, 2011 at 1:39 AM

      I bout had a heart attack right along side twilight there in Chapter 6!

      This is an amazing fic... *hoof over heart* Dear Celestia...

      ReplyDelete
    13. Vladimir MedelJuly 21, 2011 at 1:41 AM

      Bucking Pony God I Want MOOAARRRREEEEEE

      ReplyDelete
    14. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 1:46 AM

      Chapter 6 was masterfully written, and tugged on my heartstrings something fierce. All in all, a wonderful update to a wonderful story.

      My biggest complaint is about the last line in Chapter 4:

      "...I have also come to realize this evening that swiftness in this matter is of the up most importance.”

      "up most" should be utmost. A small thing, but niggling little details like that get to me.

      ReplyDelete
    15. BrianBlessedPonyJuly 21, 2011 at 1:48 AM

      Bravo author. Bravo.
      Please, keep this up. I want so much more to this, I'm still holding out for a nice happy ending,a dn I think slowly, I'll get it. Well, I hope!
      And thank you for implanting Nyx in my brain. I can't get her out of my head. She's clashing with my own ideas. Which isn't handy at work!
      But as I say, I can't wait for more! Thanks for making my day start so well!

      ReplyDelete
    16. Dat fucking writefagJuly 21, 2011 at 1:51 AM

      Damn, I was hoping for some cross reference to "Blood". The cultist could have spoken the language of the Cabals:
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VocmomcgMsY&feature=related

      But I love your story.

      ReplyDelete
    17. Batty GloomJuly 21, 2011 at 1:52 AM

      @Anonymous

      Zank you for pointing zat out. Eithah me or Pen Stroke will fix zat vhen we're not locked out due to too many readahs viewing.

      Vhile we may not alvays be zere 24/7, we do try to make ze time to read all comments on our fics, through comments on oldah fics take moar time for us to notice.

      ReplyDelete
    18. Ditzy DerpJuly 21, 2011 at 2:01 AM

      Well crap im shedding manly tears over the chapter 6 I hope they get to stay a family when the princesses do eventually find out

      ReplyDelete
    19. WTBronyJuly 21, 2011 at 2:01 AM

      Just read the first three chapters. This is awesome. Not only is it well written (which isn't always the case with fanfiction), but the story is extremely engaging. At the end of the third chapter, I felt my heart hurting for poor Nyx, even though I only "met" her an hour or so ago.

      Also, the normal tag gives me hope that this will have a happy ending. It better.

      ReplyDelete
    20. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 2:04 AM

      @Batty Gloom

      Do ... do you really talk with that accent, or is it just to freak us out? Or to entertain yourself? ... Or both? DON"T SHOOT ME, I'M NOT JEWISH!!!

      ReplyDelete
    21. BugsydorJuly 21, 2011 at 2:05 AM

      Just finished chapter 6. I didn't even know that my O'D'awwMeter went that high! Thank you, Batty Gloom and Pen Stroke, for giving us such a nice juicy update to chew on. Well, off to see if this fanfic has a tropes page yet...

      ReplyDelete
    22. NintyukJuly 21, 2011 at 2:06 AM

      Is any one else here getting a Malfoy vibe from diamond tiara and her father.

      ReplyDelete
    23. BugsydorJuly 21, 2011 at 2:13 AM

      @Nintyuk
      Well, now that I think of it, there certainly are parallels.

      ReplyDelete
    24. Batty GloomJuly 21, 2011 at 2:13 AM

      @Anonymous

      Calm down! Like ze medic from Team Fortress 2, neithah of us have any connections with zose whacky nazis.

      Az for me...vell, no, but mien OC technically doez, so vhile I wait for a commizzion to come en so I may have a "face" to go along with mien verk...vhy not have zome fun und give mienself a voice too, ja?

      Zat und I love to write eye dialect...et ez wunderbar.

      Still, to answah your questions en ordah, no, yes, yes, und yes. But I zink I could do et en real life, with practice.

      Ach, vhy are we talking about zis! Zis ez neithah ze time or place! Get back to taking about Nyx und her uber cuteness!

      ReplyDelete
    25. NintyukJuly 21, 2011 at 2:22 AM

      Sod Celestias reaction, what about Lunas? She WAS Nightmare Moon, What would your reaction be if suddenly a child out of nowhere was created from part of you you had left behind and shared some of your memory's? Not only that the Blood & Adoptive mother of the child is your sisters prized pupil?

      ReplyDelete
    26. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 2:34 AM

      @ Batty Gloom

      ZEN, When he Voke up, His Skeleton vas Missing, und The Doctor vas Nowhere to be Found!!!

      AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA

      Anyvay, Dat's how I lost mein Medical License.

      ReplyDelete
    27. SigilJuly 21, 2011 at 2:36 AM

      Truly one of the best fanfictions I have ever read. And I mean in general not just My little pony related. Bravo my good man bravo. I cant wait for the next update.
      On a little side note is it wrong for me to have developed a deep resentful hatred towards Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara? They remind me of all the jerks that used to pick on me when I was little. I am with Twilight I would of turn them into a cactus.

      ReplyDelete
    28. EonMasterJuly 21, 2011 at 2:39 AM

      I absolutely love this story. It's so nice seeing Twilight being motherly to Nyx, and finally asking Nyx if she would want Twilight to be her mother since she has no blood relatives.

      Sadly, the story image is telling me that all the happiness in this story is going to go to hell pretty soon...

      ReplyDelete
    29. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 2:40 AM

      @Nintyuk

      That's a good question. Off hand, if it were me, I would wonder if that part remembered me (but wouldn't be surprised if it didn't). Then I would recall what measures I used against it, and I would wonder if this new pony had, in fact, a better way to calm the torment than I did. Maybe being marginalized and ignored was the WRONG thing to do to a pony that could shut out the sun.

      If I were Nightmare moon, I might think that there was a way for her to be better than what I turned out as. If possible I would try to do what I could to make that viable.

      ReplyDelete
    30. SlotsJuly 21, 2011 at 2:44 AM

      Damn it, its such a well written, well thought out story!!! Its just pulling at my hearstrings, hell, I even teared up at some points. But Im scared to read further now when you release the next chapters, I fell theyll be the most difficult to read, since I REALLY dont want anything bad to happen!!! 5 stars, naturally. Id give you 4 times that much if possible!!

      ReplyDelete
    31. CraftJuly 21, 2011 at 2:44 AM

      @Batty Gloom

      "Now"?

      Pen Stroke has been a credit to the community since ... I don't even know how many stories ago!

      This is just like some sort of super frosting on what was already an amazing cake!

      P.S.
      All my Dawws, You have taken them.

      ReplyDelete
    32. KawaiipikachuJuly 21, 2011 at 2:44 AM

      Can somepony explain to me from not liking the idea of reading fanfics for some weird reason to getting there & enjoying stories like this?

      Me the idea of stories told in fanfics seam to be weird of how it detracts from the idea its from seams to be weird but now I read 2 or 3 intreasting stories & this story is a great story & I can't till the whole story finish

      Stories I liked are this, Dark Equestria & a few others.

      ReplyDelete
    33. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 2:49 AM

      This is so bloody awesome! THIS IS SO WIN! TAKE MY 5/5 TAKE IT. GAH!

      ReplyDelete
    34. AthensJuly 21, 2011 at 2:49 AM

      This is... Amazing. I have never read anything that tugs my heart strings so well.

      ReplyDelete
    35. StarflowerJuly 21, 2011 at 2:52 AM

      "Why can't I stop with one more peek
      (Please send me a pony here)
      It's 5 AM and I need to sleep"

      IT IS LITERALLY 4:51 AM AND I'M GOING TO BED. CONFOUND YOU PONIES, STEALING MY SLEEP. 8D

      ReplyDelete
    36. WTBronyJuly 21, 2011 at 2:53 AM

      And now I'm caught up. Chapter 6 was incredibly dawwwww. One thing that as in the back of my mind the whole time though was Luna. Would she really be able to keep her composure while being forced to relive what we can probably assume was her worst moment?

      Still, I'm willing to let that slide because this story is so damn good.

      Though I'll say this now, if you give this a grimdark ending, I will hunt you down. Fair warning.

      ReplyDelete
    37. CherryRieJuly 21, 2011 at 3:04 AM

      Chapters 4-6

      I started off feeling so very down this morning. But this story touched me in ways I can't easily discribe. My cest feels tight and I'm tearing up, but I'm so unbeliveably happy. Thank you. Please keep writing, this story is amazing

      ReplyDelete
    38. Sunset RoseJuly 21, 2011 at 3:13 AM

      Up to chapter 6: I cried. It's beautiful. This is a fantastic story so far, Pen Stroke. Motherly Twilight is the most endearing character in the world, and Nyx is just...the sweetest thing.
      I love this story.

      ReplyDelete
    39. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 3:17 AM

      I love you.

      ReplyDelete
    40. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 3:31 AM

      I KNEW it would be good... I just wish I had the time to spare to read it...

      ReplyDelete
    41. Rodrigo ManceraJuly 21, 2011 at 3:40 AM

      You made me D'aww too hard in chapter six.
      Confound this ponies they drive me to D'aww.

      ReplyDelete
    42. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 3:42 AM

      >11:30 at night
      >find a lost ferret
      >named her nyx
      true story

      ReplyDelete
    43. ArcelJuly 21, 2011 at 3:52 AM

      That... is such a beautiful story, and I can not wait for more, I demand More!!!!

      Also, I think I should point something out, though I may be wrong. So Spoilers:

      Though they aren't true blood relitives... they kind of are, I mean... Twilights Blood was used as an ingrediant in the spell, her blood helped create Nyx. *nod nod*

      ... minor spoilers considering you read that in the first chapter, but still... and one last thing.

      DAAAWWWWW!!!! Twilight is Nyx's Mom =)

      ReplyDelete
    44. DoubleMallowJuly 21, 2011 at 4:00 AM

      I usually wait until I completely finish a fan-fic before I start writing any form of review. But there are some that are just so great I feel I have to do them there and then.

      This is a fantastic 'fic. I love how it has such and adult origin, or at least a more mature story, and yet can still be so youthful and adorable like the show. Every important setting you write in is perfectly pictured: laid out and explained, but not overly described. I love how there are all these tiny little "plot throws", like when Nyx finds the sea serpent, or Twilight is worried Applejack and Rainbow Dash will find out about Nyx too early. If i only have one criticism, as Pinkie would probably say, keep it "light and airy, even when it's scary!" Although that's mainly just my prefrence that things be adorable instead of scary or too serious. As i said, not because those parts aren't good (the story wouldn't be as good without most of them), that's just what I like better. I love how your depiciton of all the main character's are on point, even your writing of Rarity: she's not too pompous, but still has class. Once again, one of the best stories I've read.

      Can't wait to read the rest of this wonderful fic:
      6 out of 5 stars for sure.

      ReplyDelete
    45. The Most Evil PonyJuly 21, 2011 at 4:17 AM

      Good day, ladies and gentlecolts!

      Seriously, when I saw that picture, I felt strong urge to read it. And I read it... later. And I don't regret it.

      On the one hoof, it have some dark moments with conspiracy and some serious identity crysises (no spoilers, you see).

      On the other hoof, story is filled with love and tolerance and magic of friendship. And Twilight as mother figure for little filly is... awesome. I want my mother to be Twilight Sparkle! There is no fairness in the world, my little ponies...

      And on the third hood... For Celestia's sake, I like Nightmare Moon! But she is one of the most underrated characters in the show (she wasn't even included in the poll for the best pony, or something). There is more fiction about Lyra. LYRA! THE BACKGROUND PONY! What in the hay?

      And on the last hoof... Nothing. I need at least on hoof to type.

      Stating the obvious, your
      The Most Evil Pony.

      ReplyDelete
    46. ultra8July 21, 2011 at 4:23 AM

      Epic artwork
      Wonderful read
      And plenty of Dawww.
      Twilight's family dynamic was just adorable. Makes you wonder how she's going to explain things if her parents should ever stop by.
      Also extra props for the casting of the play and using all the exta kids, I could totally see that part done in an episode of the show.

      Keep up the stellar work and I'm looking eager to reading the next chapter.
      Looks like I've found a sound replacement for my summer reading until something like "It's Dangerous going outside your Door" get's a sequel or new project.

      ReplyDelete
    47. Mr.PoPoJuly 21, 2011 at 4:35 AM

      Hello...what's this...holy fuck! 3 chapters at once...with a comic?! and a image poster which shows like 10 Scenes AT ONCE?!

      SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY

      FUND IT, FUND IT ALREADY!!!, I'm Throwing Money at the screen but nothing happens WHYYYY

      Like holy fuck!, imagine if this story actually got turned into a comic :D, we need m0re c0micz

      ReplyDelete
    48. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 4:41 AM

      im crying like a bitch over here
      this story made me it's bitch
      all is fine in the world

      ReplyDelete
    49. SketchpadJuly 21, 2011 at 4:48 AM

      Hohoho-ly CRAP! I am not one to cry. About anything. EVER. But that last scene where *SPOILER SPOILER*
      Twilight agrees to be Nyx's mom, had me tearing up. Nyx is just too adorable, and that was just too precious a scene.
      *END SPOILER END SPOILER*
      Kudos to you good sir/madam.

      ReplyDelete
    50. XedmaJuly 21, 2011 at 5:02 AM

      FOR THE LOVE OF LUNA WRITE FASTER!!! This is now my favorite fic and is so amazingly written. It is now 7:01 A.M. and I feel it may be time to fall asleep. I can't stress enough how much I am enjoying this story. If only it could come to life on screen.

      ReplyDelete
    51. epicplatypusJuly 21, 2011 at 5:07 AM

      Just read all of it....
      This is amazing... please, for the love of celestia... write more

      ReplyDelete
    52. Admiral SparkleJuly 21, 2011 at 5:19 AM

      Oh Penstroke, don't do that to me! I was, almost literally, fearing a heart attack while the play was happening. Now I fear an untimely death caused by suspense after reading about "the flash in his azure eyes."
      I shed two tears (I counted, seriously.) When Nyx said I love you. Oh ky gosh it was so sweet... You can have my mancard, but please don't let anything bad happen to Nyx... Don't tell Kkat, but LittlePip just got demoted from favourite OC to second favourite OC. Sweet baby Nightmare she's so adorable. Going to go read Creeping Darkness, now.

      ReplyDelete
    53. OverkilliusJuly 21, 2011 at 5:33 AM

      This is the second time I have actually shed man tears... the first time wasn't even pony related. I have had times where my eyes water, but this story (I don't even read normally) just struck an otherwise unresolved chord within me... I can't quite put my finger on it, but I relate some how, and this has put me somewhat at ease. I thought I already lost this when I first saw winter wrap up and became a brony, but TAKE MY MAN CARD! IT IS STILLED STAINED WITH MY TEARS OF JOY!!!

      That being said, I love how this story is woven together. This is one of the best reads I've ever had (and I look forward to reading this in the fut-... no I don't DON'T KILL/CORRUPT NYX! NYYYYYYX!!!!!(jk I DO want to read future chapters)). Unfortunately as I stated earlier, I don't ever read so I am not sure my opinion is valid... wait... people's opinions can be invalid?

      There are absolutely no flaws in canon or fanon that I can find. And now my favorite pony... is...Ny-still Rarity.

      ReplyDelete
    54. Admiral SparkleJuly 21, 2011 at 5:36 AM

      I don't think Celestia should go after Nyx, even if she suspects something... Not even Luna can guarantee her safety if she does.

      Maternal Twilight is just as sweet as Nyx to me, but that may be because Twilight is my favourite pony. Or, as I prefer to believe, she is genuinely amazing and my view isn't hindered by my bias. Option two seems more likely~

      ReplyDelete
    55. Supersheep64July 21, 2011 at 5:43 AM

      Shot straight to the top of my fav fanfic list.
      Nyx is best pony.

      ReplyDelete
    56. ULTRAMARIOXJuly 21, 2011 at 5:54 AM

      Damn You, making an awesomesause story like this and then giving me a CLIFFHANGER? and its incomplete too :( I'm gonna make a fanfic and releaase it in parts too, but how did you make DAT PICTURE its beast

      ReplyDelete
    57. DawnJuly 21, 2011 at 6:05 AM

      YOU MADE MY HEART MELT! SO MUCH BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW Twilight double mommy, SOOOO SWEEEEET! HHHHHHHHHHNG! I NEED MORE OF THIS STORY! ITS BETTER THAN DRUGS!

      Oh and I was right about Nyx being NNM, except if you still have some other explanation to come up in the next chapters :3

      Now pardon me, but I have to continue throwing money at my screen.

      ReplyDelete
    58. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 6:20 AM

      THIS FIC. I NEED MORE OF IT.

      DAMNIT, Nyx is the most adorable and enduring woobie I've seen in fanfiction, PERIOD.

      And you portray the mane cast 100% spot-on, what's more! I get the same sense of enjoyment from this story as I do from the show itself.

      In fact, this story - so far - could easily make for an excellent MLP: FiM movie if they kept it as is, butI guess I should wait for you to finish the story before having such ideas. It'd be a savvy move on Hasbro's part, though; Nyx plushies, anyone?

      Anyways, just wanted to say excellent writing!

      ReplyDelete
    59. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 6:39 AM

      Hope everything turns out ok.

      ReplyDelete
    60. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 7:01 AM

      I shouldn't have eaten that oatmeal the day before, now my brain is wacked out. After reading this I still think like pinkie pie! Urf, Damn oatmeal. Was it in that milk drink, they said it had fiber so I drank it, then the next day I was like woo woo woo woow oow oow oowwooo and then I couldn't concentrate at school and I said lots o random things. I even thought that light is bent by itself even though it wasn't true. OOh, Did I think that because of an evil enchantress, OhZecorawaitnothat'sallgossip. I feel better now.

      ReplyDelete
    61. Batty GloomJuly 21, 2011 at 7:05 AM

      @Anonymous

      I dun't want to alarm you but...I zink you might be drunk. Lie down for a bit, ja?

      ReplyDelete
    62. BugsydorJuly 21, 2011 at 7:07 AM

      @5:20 Anon:
      Dangit, I was about to say that this feels like what a Friendship is Magic film should be like.

      Anyhow, this fanfic has now been recommended on TVTropes and I have put together the beginnings of a tropes page. I hope that I didn't screw this up too badly. Anyhow, I would really appreciate it if people would help improve the tropes page by maybe giving it a better description (I just copypasted the one from this page) and additional tropes (I currently have a paltry 7 listed). I expect the crowning moments of heartwarming page to fill up, for obvious reasons. I took the liberty of adding a synopsis of the scene where Twilight says Nyx can call her mommy, but I feel that I botched the delivery and somepony else should fix it.

      Welp, time to go and reread this fic.

      ReplyDelete
    63. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 7:39 AM

      my money.
      take ALL of my money!

      ReplyDelete
    64. crazyredemuJuly 21, 2011 at 7:57 AM

      Twilight worries about what Princess Celestia might do, if I was her I'd be more worried about Luna

      ReplyDelete
    65. Darth EquusJuly 21, 2011 at 7:59 AM

      Please don't toss rotten apples at me, but some punctuation errors simply MUST be corrected when we're dealing with a story of this caliber:

      "Good night Spike" makes it sound like some sort of object that can produce a good night. Should be
      "Good night, Spike", and such.

      Come on. You have to go that extra step!

      ReplyDelete
    66. SummerPwnyJuly 21, 2011 at 8:00 AM

      im going to spend the following week searching the forest after my own little Nyx. cuz HOLY CELESTIA is she CUTE.
      and this story is Amazing! please release more chapters :'D

      ReplyDelete
    67. ray10kJuly 21, 2011 at 8:27 AM

      normally I really dislike Alicorn OC's, but with Nyx it just wouldn't work any other way. congrats, and here is hoping for a happy ending.

      ReplyDelete
    68. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 8:30 AM

      This could totally be integrated into the actual show, it was so good!

      ReplyDelete
    69. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 8:53 AM

      I have only one irk with the story. The author uses "kidnapping" instead of "ponynapping". It should maybe be corrected.

      ReplyDelete
    70. ToonNinjaJuly 21, 2011 at 9:05 AM

      I sh*t bricks when Nyx got to the play.

      ReplyDelete
    71. ShadowFox04July 21, 2011 at 9:13 AM

      The more I read, the more worried I become. I know it's all going to go to pot, but I really don't want it to happen. I love how it's all playing out, this is A grade movie material.

      Anyways, once again 5 more stars for each chapter.

      ReplyDelete
    72. Aotrs CommanderJuly 21, 2011 at 9:23 AM

      Excellent job. I shall be watching this story with great interest.

      ReplyDelete
    73. SFC PonycronJuly 21, 2011 at 9:34 AM

      A splendid job so far!

      I know I might be offering you to the chopping block, but have you requested a review from the Samurai? He's a very in-depth reviewer on /fic/ in Ponychan, and those that have read his reviews have held his opinion in very high regard.

      Keep this up, and it'll definitely earn "SFC Ponycron's Brohoof of Approval" (not that that means anything...yet).

      ReplyDelete
    74. VarJuly 21, 2011 at 10:19 AM

      @ Bugsydor

      I haven't added to the page but I did shift some things around - the link on the MLP fic rec page now leads solely to the Past Sins trope page, and people can get to the fic through there. That way, the tropes page will get more traffic and better tropers that you or I will give it some wiki magic.

      ReplyDelete
    75. C. Theron VulpinJuly 21, 2011 at 10:30 AM

      Luna's reaction to the play leads me to think she's come to grips with the whole Nightmare Moon thing and doesn't mind seeing a re-enactment of what was basically her redemption.
      Twilight's right to tread carefully around the Princesses, but the cultists are probably going to be the bigger issue.

      The heartwarming cuteness has reached critical levels now, which is going to make things that much more intense when we reach the climax. Keep it up!

      ReplyDelete
    76. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 10:39 AM

      New chapters? Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes!

      ReplyDelete
    77. ErroneousJuly 21, 2011 at 10:50 AM

      It took a while for me to stop hyperventilating and read the damn play scene already. Seriously that scene stressed me out so hard. Props for great writing.

      ReplyDelete
    78. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 10:58 AM

      great chapters how long until the royal sisters and the rest of Twilights friends find out the true origins of Nyx if and fact their relationship is mother and daughter and how will they react if they ever do find out the truth and just how far will Twilight go to protect her newly found daughter great work keep it up also any chance of you letting other authers use Nyx in their stories she really is a great character

      ReplyDelete
    79. MeshMealJuly 21, 2011 at 11:18 AM

      tl;dr

      ReplyDelete
    80. Pen StrokeJuly 21, 2011 at 11:20 AM

      @MeshMeal

      Well, I'm sorry you aren't interested in the story because of its length. Honestly, when I started out, I was intending to write something about this long, but the story itself turned out much longer.

      So, I hope I don't scare anyone else off, because there are a lot of chapters left.

      ReplyDelete
    81. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 11:23 AM

      @Pen Stroke I think it's better as a longer story, at least until now.

      ReplyDelete
    82. BareeJuly 21, 2011 at 11:40 AM

      @Pen Stroke

      Spoilers

      Best news I've heard all day. The longer the better I say :P Nyx is just to cute.

      This seemed like the perfect time for Twilight to explain to Nyx why she didn't want her to go to the play. Not that it matters that much. It seems rather obvious where the story is going, but I might yet be surprised. Either way, I'm looking forward to whenever Celestia and/or Luna get involved. I have little doubt they suspect something, so I reckon it will be soon.

      ReplyDelete
    83. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 11:48 AM

      The picture is awesome. Nightmare Moon looks great. I also love the story idea. Amazing. I rarely ever read incomplete fanfictions until complete, because I hate to worry about cliffhanger endings. But the image caught my attention, I'll suck it up and read it. <3
      Also, Twilight is my favorite pony, I do hope she doesn't get hanged or anything. But there isn't Grimdark or Sad as a tag, so I kind of doubt it. Still though, the picture. D: I haven't read any yet, so excuse me if she doesn't, just saying.

      ReplyDelete
    84. KyleJuly 21, 2011 at 11:59 AM

      @Nintyuk You make a good point...

      Nightmare Moon was part of Luna, and fragments of it were used to create Nyx... Twilight's blood was used to fuel the spell...

      Dear Celestia, Nyx is Twilight and Luna's daughter!

      ReplyDelete
    85. VarJuly 21, 2011 at 12:08 PM

      Can I just say that I find it really refreshing that Twilight told Nyx the truth about her origins?

      Normally conflict would arise because the parent figure would keep it a secret until the truth is revealed to the child at the worst possible moment. I was afraid first that it was going to be at the end of chapter 3, then I was worried that Celestia would figure it out at the play and confront Twilight about it, frightening Nyx, THEN I was worried she might somehow be fooled by one of the cultists.

      Instead, Twilight comes clean and much d'awww is had, but more than that - the cultists are going to now be facing an uphill battle, because Nyx has ingrained herself in her new life as Twilight's daughter, fully aware of her circumstances.

      I'm looking forward to when the secret is revealed to the rest of the mane cast, and to Celestia.

      Fantastic story, Pen Stroke. I can't wait for the next update.

      ReplyDelete
    86. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 12:13 PM

      Somehow I want to read the rest of this, but at the same time I don't want to? Fingers crossed for a happy future destined for Nyx and Twilight Sparkle...

      ~onery

      ReplyDelete
    87. SkayJuly 21, 2011 at 12:18 PM

      Saw the update this morning...couldn't read it until after class. Nearly died of anticipation.

      ReplyDelete
    88. SaddlesoapJuly 21, 2011 at 12:20 PM

      This comment has been removed by the author.

      ReplyDelete
    89. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 12:51 PM

      oh my gooood
      Twilight as a mom for Nyx:3

      best thing I could imagine... dawwwwww manly tears of joy T_T

      and yeah
      I beg don't make the last scene from Cover happen I BEG YOU PLEASE!!! :< this story need happy ending (Twi&Nyx will live happy ^^)

      ReplyDelete
    90. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 1:04 PM

      Do you see the army of loving followers you now have, Pen Stroke? I imagine you could get these bronies to do tricks for you on command.
      This is a marvelous story. It cannot be complimented enough and I can't wait to read what happens next. Absolutely beautiful. Bravo!

      ReplyDelete
    91. Wanderer DJuly 21, 2011 at 1:13 PM

      This continues to be one of the best stories I have read and have the pleasure of continuing reading.

      ReplyDelete
    92. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 1:32 PM

      this needs to be on the top of EQ.

      Bump it, someone bump it!

      ReplyDelete
    93. BugsydorJuly 21, 2011 at 1:35 PM

      @Var
      Routing everybody through the wiki page seems like a great idea. Getting more wiki magic through improbable giraffe herding skills is probably our best bet, as I don't feel like I alone can't give this story the page it deserves. Don't forget to improve the tropes page, everypony!

      ReplyDelete
    94. Bubble DJuly 21, 2011 at 1:49 PM

      These tears are manly I tell you! MANLY!

      ReplyDelete
    95. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 1:54 PM

      There is something terribly wrong with a link in chapter 6! for some reason I highlight to go to chapter 7 and nothing happens! D:

      Gosh I started to get watery in the eyes with that whole who's who to Nyx and Twilight thought of Nyx was to her scene.... then the ending chuckle with Owlowicious and Twilight.

      Still you need to fix that broken link! and not at 2AM this time like you did with chapter 3!

      ReplyDelete
    96. Pen StrokeJuly 21, 2011 at 1:56 PM

      @Anonymous

      Can't blame me for the Thursday 2AM posting.I provided Seth the new chapter links at about 9Am on Wednesday.

      ReplyDelete
    97. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 1:59 PM

      SO AWESOME, I love you, and I love how fast you work.

      ReplyDelete
    98. Dragoon FighterJuly 21, 2011 at 2:33 PM

      I must confess this is only my third pony fanfic, and while I am normally ultra-hyper skeptical of fanfics, I must say something about this one caught my eye long enough to read the prechrapter (Which got me to read the rest of the story), this is definitely a six star fanfic. The really good writing and the why in which the characters are portrayed is believable and really good. I wish it where canon.

      ReplyDelete
    99. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 2:47 PM

      *gasp* More chapters!? Yay!

      I love that Twilight has revealed to Nyx her origins. The cultist's ability to dramatically say "You are Nightmare Moon!" and Nyx replying "No, that's not true! That's impossible!" have been shot in the foot. And Twilight is Nyx's mom!

      Also, Holy crap you guys I think Diamond Tiara's dad is a Death Eater.

      ReplyDelete
    100. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 2:56 PM

      One of the best fanfics I've ever read. Amazing story and amazing everything. I love it.

      ReplyDelete
    101. DevolutionJuly 21, 2011 at 3:19 PM

      i normally dislike most fanfiction, but i'm hooked on this :D

      ReplyDelete
    102. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 3:54 PM

      I started reading it, and oh dear, Twilight mom is amazing. I love little Nyx~ Amazing fanfiction. For me, it's in my favorites with Cupcakes, Creature of the Night, Blood, Sweat, and Tears, and some other Luna fanfictions~

      ReplyDelete
    103. BBJuly 21, 2011 at 4:11 PM

      hnnnng oh god this is adorable
      soooo adorable

      it is going to break my heart when shit hits the fan

      ReplyDelete
    104. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 4:27 PM

      @ anonymous 4:15pm:
      I concur on your descriptiion, Diamond Tiara's father is probably a [s]Death Eater[/s] cultist.
      However after reading I have come to the conclusion that the image in the bottom right of the cover image isn't a desire, but a fear belonging solely to Nyx, and for a simple reason, the execution is taking place at a "twilight" hour (dusk, or worse dawn) suggesting that one or both princesses are involved.

      ReplyDelete
    105. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 4:47 PM

      Oh man, this sucks. You know why?

      There's no 10/5 star option. Only a 5/5. :/

      But yeah, seriously, I loved this. Nyx is adorable, and the pictures that have been provided along with this story, along with the wonderfully portrayed characters, (The OC ponies, the background ponies, the mane cast... everypony in here is amazing, and either works well or is in character.) have made this not only believable, but easily imagined, which I love. The story flows pretty nicely, not dwelling on unnecessary things, elaborating on the details, etc. This is an amazing piece of work, and I hope you finish it soon. (Although don't end it quickly. Just work on the chapters faster. :P)

      [spoiler] If there's one thing I didn't really like, it was when Twilight introduced Nyx to Rarity. They seemingly talked about her disguise openly, (Calling it that, rather than daywear.) not trying to hide what it was from her, and she never once questioned it. [/spoiler]

      This is definitely on my list of stuff to look out for. I just hope you update it again soon, as it was amazing. Good job. :D

      ReplyDelete
    106. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 4:57 PM

      This is really well written.
      I've only read chapter four but I think this is heading for an emotional trainwreck. Twilight really should have told celestia but at the same time tried to protect Nyx.
      I really hope the title picture isn't foreshadowing D:

      ReplyDelete
    107. Zinger RimshotJuly 21, 2011 at 5:33 PM

      I love this fic so much as of yet. I just can't wait to see where it goes now, and I think that little Nyx is absolutely adorable.

      I'm strongly hoping that things don't go too awfully for her if the cult does find her...

      ReplyDelete
    108. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 5:34 PM

      Cabal, the fearless leader of rainbowdash.net has posted it on his profile, thus, insta-famed by a brony overloard. And it was awesome!!!

      ReplyDelete
    109. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 5:49 PM

      Just finished Chapter 6.
      Manly tears were shed. Beautiful.

      ReplyDelete
    110. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 6:25 PM

      This story is nothing short of a masterpiece.

      ReplyDelete
    111. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 6:44 PM

      This story shows some very creative and excellent writing skills. The characters were portrayed very well and The story behind nyx And that being a shout out to one of my favorite and most epic tales here on equestria daily was awesome. Many times i couldn't help but giggle or even outright laugh-out-loud from the quirky things the characters did Like spike going 'MOM' In chapter 6 was Awesome, It was spike all over. Diamond tiara and silverspoon Were also prtrayed very well... Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Anyway, you know a story is good when it actually has you feeling for characters. Hate for the evil ones, Sympathy for those having tragedy forced upon them, ECT, ECT. The play Was Really cute, I loved it. I have this thing where my heart rate increases when i read a good story or when action is rising up. During the tense moment in the everfree and twilight's stress at the play had me going at about 100 BPM About 30 or something over my Resting heart rate. There is so much praise you deserve for This story I want to say more and more, but i think you get the point.

      ReplyDelete
    112. 4CelestiaJuly 21, 2011 at 6:49 PM

      Hugz everywhere =D

      ReplyDelete
    113. ActionScripter9109July 21, 2011 at 7:26 PM

      I... I have no words. After "Creeping Darkness" (which was totally epic), I had high expectations for this new story centered on Nyx. And you, Pen Stroke, have blown them out of the water with this MASTERFULLY crafted tale. I cannot begin to describe the way I was pulled along for the ride, how I hung on every sentence. I felt Twilight's conflict, I cringed with her when Nyx got out, and I very nearly cried tears of joy when Twilight finally realized her role to Nyx and Nyx voiced her love.

      I am following this story with more eagerness than I've had for a fanfic in a long, long time. Please, for the love of all things brony, keep posting chapters. We love you.

      ReplyDelete
    114. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 7:34 PM

      Ok, i can say that my honest reaction to this fic is:

      AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
      AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
      AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
      AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa *gasp* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
      AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
      AAaaaaaaa!!

      Ok, that got all the hyperactive happiness out of my system. Great story! I've only read three fics on this site that make me want to exult like that in response and this is one of them.

      Keep up the great work!

      \o/

      ReplyDelete
    115. MeowsieJuly 21, 2011 at 8:01 PM

      Even if Nyx IS Nightmare Moon, she is the most adorable thing in Equestria.

      Especially in that comic.
      Awwwwwwwww!

      ReplyDelete
    116. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 8:31 PM

      Hey Pen Stroke, I was wondering.
      Is the music track of the Swan you have been linking the main theme of Nyx?

      Kinda cool, though I expected something more Baroque, like Vivaldi

      ReplyDelete
    117. Nova25July 21, 2011 at 8:36 PM

      Prelude :

      And this is why you must always clean up, after you have defeated the last Ultimate Evil... bones, ashes, artefacts... just in case you nuts-people have a Resurection Spell ready ;)

      Also... Nyx ? From the story ''the Party Hasn't Ended Yet'' ?
      Well, glad this name is used more ;)

      -----

      CH.1 :

      *Ball-curling Nyx* is rather adorable. :)

      Also, *Caring-like-a-mother'' Twilight* is a rather cute thought. :)

      -----

      CH.2 :

      *Learning Nyx* is, again, adorable ;)

      *Nyx with glasses* is good-looking.

      In fact... I believe that *Everything* Nyx is good and shall become a running theme for her ! :D

      It's rather fascinating to see Twilight, and now Rarity, being good for Nyx and teaching her stuff like they would do with any other filly.
      (RD and AJ might be challenges at first, once they find out... and I can see Pinky Pie being able to see through the disguise ;) )

      -----

      Break time...

      ReplyDelete
    118. Nova25July 21, 2011 at 8:39 PM

      @Anonymous
      It should totally become her theme ! :D

      ...hmmmm ? If I didn't know myself better, I would almost say that I'm becoming a fan of that one character ?

      Soon, Nyx will enter the mystical stream of *Continuity* !

      ReplyDelete
    119. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 8:42 PM

      This is such a good story I nearly cried in the last chapter.

      I can't wait for more! :D

      ReplyDelete
    120. UnderstatedHyperboleJuly 21, 2011 at 8:42 PM

      This just has an utterly wonderful mix of subtle tension and relaxed flow. There's a certain everpresent possibility of disaster looming over each second, making each moment that much more special. I have no idea what took me so long to read this. It's really just fantastic.

      ReplyDelete
    121. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 8:43 PM

      You know technically Nyx is Twilight's and Luna's daughter

      ReplyDelete
    122. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 8:47 PM

      @Anonymous

      No-no wait,
      okay, wait listen
      okay, so...

      Nyx is Luna's half-twin sister

      ReplyDelete
    123. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 9:16 PM

      Pssh, I prefer to think of Nyx as solely Twilight's daughter. Nightmare Moon was the cast off negative essence of Luna, but the blood used to give her a body was Twilight's and Twilight's alone.

      ReplyDelete
    124. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 9:23 PM

      If I only had 6 stars to give, I would give this story 72 stars. You can take all of mine and everyone elses stars.

      ReplyDelete
    125. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 9:27 PM

      I am dead.

      This story, and that comic, have killed me. My heart could not handle the cute and gave in. I am typing this by possessing the body of a teenage kid.

      In all seriousness though, this is a wonderful story! Can't wait for more!

      ReplyDelete
    126. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 9:41 PM

      Perfect Theme Song:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xJJsoquu70o&ob=av3e

      ReplyDelete
    127. EvenMotionJuly 21, 2011 at 9:44 PM

      I wish there was more. I looooove this story.

      ReplyDelete
    128. SurogunerJuly 21, 2011 at 10:59 PM

      Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom, do either of you have Garry's mod? Because Once I get the Filly bases made, I'm definitly going to make Nyx.

      ReplyDelete
    129. Nova25July 21, 2011 at 11:00 PM

      CH.3 :

      >The tiara wearing pony wore an expression of annoyance
      -Oh Noes ! ''Forgot her name-Tiara'' (ah ?, it was Diamond Tiara apparently) will surely cause troubles to poor Nyx.

      ...(Yay, a mention of Twist :) )...

      *Pleading puppy dog eyes* Nyx is... well, you kinda know the song now ;)

      >“No, that won’t do it. It we’re going to prank her
      -''If we'' ?

      >“Bump! Bump! Sugar-lump, rump!” The pair said in unison
      -Little did they know that it was in fact an ancient spell to *Drop a meteor on their head*. What were the odds ? ;)

      >“So Silver Spoon and I just wanted to apologize for being so mean.
      -Quick ! Someone cast a meteor now ! This is our last chance; aim for the tiara. *whisper strongly* I will even laser-guide you !

      -----

      CH.4 :

      >He then dropped the book on a reading table, the pages flipping open as the owl too landed, bending over as he began to read.
      -So, he can read ? Well, that's interesting to know. :) oddly enough, I had never really thought about that Owl, before now.

      ... You know, started thinking about something there... Since Nyx was created from a drop of blood from Twilight, well, you know... Doesn't this ''technically'' make her her ''mother'' ? (as far as genetic goes) ...

      ReplyDelete
    130. BugsydorJuly 21, 2011 at 11:00 PM

      @The Anon who posted a theme song:
      I salute you. I remember this song from hours spent playing AceCombat5. While I don't feel like bits of the song apply (yet), the chorus in particular, other parts match beautifully.

      ReplyDelete
    131. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 11:26 PM

      @Bugsydor

      I was playing AC5 earlier before it gave me the idea to post the song... ;)

      ReplyDelete
    132. KinkyOatsJuly 21, 2011 at 11:41 PM

      ... I care about an OC

      What is this witchcraft

      ReplyDelete
    133. AnonymousJuly 21, 2011 at 11:47 PM

      @KinkyOats

      If you're referring to Nyx, she's not technically an OC, more of an character interpretation taken to the Nth degree.

      ReplyDelete
    134. Batty GloomJuly 22, 2011 at 12:16 AM

      @KinkyOats

      Ignoring ze OC dah-bate, et ez a zing called characterization. Et ez ze same withcraft zat makes Fallout Eqvestria so gud.

      ReplyDelete
    135. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 12:18 AM

      You know, and I apologize if I am repeating someone else here, Nyx technically is biologically related to Twilight.

      Think about it; the cultists kidnapped Twilight in order to use her blood in the hopes of making Nightmare Moon immune to the Elements. Because of this, Nyx has Twilight's DNA, similar to normal biology, with the other half being filled with magic.

      Keep up the good work Pen Stroke and Batty Gloom. I look forward to reading the rest of this masterpiece.

      ReplyDelete
    136. BugsydorJuly 22, 2011 at 12:43 AM

      Anypony have some idea how long it usually takes for the Wiki Magic to kick in for a new works page on TVTropes? The page for this story needs more love.

      ReplyDelete
    137. Batty GloomJuly 22, 2011 at 1:01 AM

      @Anonymous

      Let me just say zat we are avare of ze issue und will take et ento consideration zomehaow. Zat ez all I will say for naow.

      So fhilled zat everybody ez enjoying ze fic! Und you won't have to wait long for ze next update, zat I can assure you.

      ReplyDelete
    138. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 1:17 AM

      It's funny...I usually HATE fanfics. Mainly because many of them tend to be poorly written and are painful to read through.

      This, however, is amazing. I actually find myself invested in the characters and engaged in the story. I'm beside myself with the fact that I can't wait for new chapters.

      The author's talent is clearly demonstrated.

      ReplyDelete
    139. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 1:22 AM

      Echoing the comments that ratings on fan sites tend to be overly generous for these kinds of things...

      ...that is certainly not the case with this story. Even with a few typos here and there, it does not take away from Pen's ability to write. This is very good stuff.

      ReplyDelete
    140. Batty GloomJuly 22, 2011 at 1:31 AM

      This comment has been removed by the author.

      ReplyDelete
    141. Batty GloomJuly 22, 2011 at 1:32 AM

      @Anonymous

      Et ez true zat my gud fhriend Pen Stroke ez talented but moar emportantly he ez puts en effort und hard verk en his writing. Take et from me, his editor. He ez willing to write, rewrite, und zen rewrite ungain undtil ze writing ez purfiect...und zen emprove et once moar! I know no othah writahs who put en moar effort ento ze writing zen him, ezpecially vhen et comes to ze fan fictions.

      ReplyDelete
    142. HeartmendJuly 22, 2011 at 1:44 AM

      This story is just amazing. I couldn't help but weep tears of joy for Twilight and Nyx at the end of Chapter 6. I love the feeling of uncertainty looming over everypony's head. I'm really excited about where this story will go!

      You capture all the characters' personalities perfectly, including Pinkie Pie breaking the fourth wall. I love how nopony is surprised by that and the story just keeps moving right along, just like the show!

      Thank you so much for writing and sharing this. I am quite impressed with how much quality stuff this fandom produces. It's nothing short of amazing. :D (This is coming from a guy who HATED fanfics!)

      ReplyDelete
    143. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 2:12 AM

      @Anonymous

      It's 4am and theres not even a single new chapter or piece of art updated! If you have him tied up in some basement or harmed Pen in anyway get ready for a lynching!

      PEN ARE YOU OK?! DID THIS PERSON CHOP OFF YOUR FINGERS?! If you can reply (even if only with your face) say something! D:

      ReplyDelete
    144. Arion A.July 22, 2011 at 2:36 AM

      LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      ReplyDelete
    145. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 2:58 AM

      up to 107 pages by chapter 6. These fanfics could be novels.

      ReplyDelete
    146. Hunter XJuly 22, 2011 at 3:26 AM

      Oh my god, this is beutiful. The story and characters are perfectly depicted, and Nyx is an incredibly lovable character.

      Better Living was another one of my favourite fics and I'm glad to see the author is still at work. 1000/5 stars.

      ReplyDelete
    147. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 4:06 AM

      I can wait to see some more chapters one of the best Fan Fics I've read. Great job!

      ReplyDelete
    148. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 6:33 AM

      With the big fancy commissioned artwork, I was expecting a really polished story. I can't help but notice the really simple mistakes like words being doubled (ex: with with) or wrong tenses, bad or strange word choice.

      I don't want to discourage you, Pen Stroke, but a little more fine-tooth combing before posting would give more credit to the story.

      ReplyDelete
    149. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 6:40 AM

      Great....this is why i dont want to read fanfics i am now stuck in eternal torture of when the next chapter is going to be released :/

      Well i guess i could read another fanfic to get it off my mind....

      ReplyDelete
    150. Batty GloomJuly 22, 2011 at 6:55 AM

      @Anonymous

      We'll try harder but for your information, each chapter is proof-read no fewer than three times before posting.

      So, unless you're willing to be a proof-reader....

      ReplyDelete
    151. Rosethorn Larana'KhashJuly 22, 2011 at 7:38 AM

      @Anonymous

      HEY! I'm german, and I feel positively offended! Because I am NOT a nazi, most of us aren't nazis and I HATE HATE HATE nazis!

      ReplyDelete
    152. Dat fucking writefagJuly 22, 2011 at 7:49 AM

      @Anonymous

      Just for your information, I am German. And I feel offended. So go fuck yourself.

      ReplyDelete
    153. Batty GloomJuly 22, 2011 at 8:02 AM

      @Dat fucking writefag

      ........

      (My simple representative OC joke has opened up a can of worms, hasn't it? My apologies. I can drop the accent if it offends my German Bronies.)

      ReplyDelete
    154. VarJuly 22, 2011 at 8:21 AM

      You know what would be a really cool twist?

      if Diamond Tiara's father turned out to actually have contacts with the Royal Guards or the Princesses rather than the Children of Nightmare. Everyone, me included, figure because the kid is a jerk it's follow that her parent is one of the bad guys lurking in the background (like Draco Malfoy) so making Tiara's father be the one who eventually brings Celestia's attention to Nyx's orgin would be a great subversion of our expectations. I'm not saying he has to be a heroic figure, just that he's not one of the villains.

      I mean, it's not like there's only one Nightmare cultist in Ponyville, and it's likely they went to the play to since it was part of the festival.

      I dunno, just a thought.

      ReplyDelete
    155. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 8:40 AM

      @Batty Gloom

      I'm a German and you doing that accent is fine (and funny). Of course, some people are going to make terrible nazi jokes, but most Germans on the internet are probably used to that by now and can deal with it.

      ReplyDelete
    156. Rosethorn Larana'KhashJuly 22, 2011 at 9:14 AM

      @Batty Gloom

      What are you blabbering about?
      Your accent offends no pony, the stupid assumption of this one anonymous guy that germany is still nazi country is offensive.

      Errm, wait, blabbering sounds rude, and I don't mean to be rude, especially towards somepony who helped Pen Stroke with his amazing fan fics. Sorry.
      It's just that the thought that this was somehow YOUR fault is so ridiculous.

      ReplyDelete
    157. VarJuly 22, 2011 at 9:49 AM

      @ Batty Gloom

      If people are honestly being offended by your cute little parody accent, then they need to develop thicker skin. Really though, looks like people are mad at the dude who made the tasteless nazi joke.

      Keep on shining, Batty Gloom!

      ReplyDelete
    158. RockburghJuly 22, 2011 at 10:01 AM

      @Anonymous 0158h J22: You're right in that this could be a novel-- at least if Pen Stroke used his own IP! I know I'd buy it... some of these authors should really go professional.

      ReplyDelete
    159. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 10:58 AM

      Well, I'm only on Chapter 5 right now, but I read Chapter 4 and I think Nyx is NOT Nightmare Moon.
      I think Nyx is an entirely different pony, made by the magic with the appearance and memories of Nightmare Moon. But different.
      Maybe her mane was like Nightmare Moon's because she was corrupted or because of the magic and memories? Anyway, I felt bad for her. D:
      But amazing story! I also realized I believe the Twilight hanging is probably Nightmare Moon's thoughts, too. :3

      ReplyDelete
    160. Nova25July 22, 2011 at 11:00 AM

      CH.5 :

      Really Twilight, you should know better than to leave such books open at hoof-reach, when an impressionable filly is nearby...
      Especially when the filly in question is Nyx and also a member of the CMC. ;)

      -----

      CH.6 :

      >Dinky Doo was pulling off a pretty darn good Twilight
      -Hurray ! ...Dinky ;)
      I wonder, if Nyx will interact with Dinky at some point ? Might be something good, you know, something with her mother (Ditzy) being teased too by some ponies, but showing that Ditzy never let them stop her from being happy and stuff. (kinda relate to Nyx being bullied)

      >“You were wonderful Muffin.” Ditzy Doo replied, giving her little filly a noogie and a hug.
      -Awwwww... Muffin :)

      Dinner ! >“YAY!!!” :D
      punishment >“Awww...” ;)

      >Diamond Tiara’s father just kept staring
      -Not saying it, but really, it's kinda obvious, no ? ...*Dun-duun DUUUN !*

      >And, because you don’t have parents, you don’t have any normal blood relatives like uncles, brothers, aunts, sisters, or grandparents.”
      -Hummm, blood drop anyone ? Helloooo ?
      I'm not an expert on Genetic science, but creating another 'being' from a part of you... Since the 'being' was created from your genetical material, and the result is a YOUNG Filly, well... Daughter, right ?

      ...I seriously hope they realize that, at some point in the story... Otherwise, it would be kinda disappointing, if not even a (clear) ''mention'' was made...
      (then, 2minutes later...)

      >“So... if Owlowiscious and Spike are like my older brothers... what does that make you?”
      *whisper LOUDLY* DROP OF BLOOD ! Hint-Hint !

      >“Well... Nyx... if I was really honest... I’d say...” Twilight had to swallow, the words getting caught on the knot in her throat. “That... I’m like... well... your mother.”
      -Hurray ! See, it wasn't that hard was it ? :)
      And what comes after that is so *Awwwwwww* that you want to hug them too.

      -Seriously, I have read a LOT of *Awwww* moments in stories, but this one is a moment that REALLY makes me want to hug the screen... before remembering that it's a screen, of course.

      -----

      (and that's how Equestria was made... kinda explain the 6 Stars too, ''now'' that I think about it ;) )

      ReplyDelete
    161. Dat fucking writefagJuly 22, 2011 at 11:08 AM

      @Batty Gloom

      Dude, you got it wrong. I don't mind your accent, I find it cute. What pisses me off is the assumption of that "edgy" coward anon that I am a nazi because I happen to be German. Is it my fault I was born in that shit country?!

      It's the same bullshit the world puts on you Americans being fanatic homophobe warjunkies.
      That's my problem here.
      Parodies are alright, but what this anon did...
      If you want stereotypes, go watch Southpark. But leave it out in ED.

      ReplyDelete
    162. Nova25July 22, 2011 at 11:53 AM

      Could people just stop and return at commenting ABOUT THE AWESOME STORY !

      It's the Internet, no one ''really'' care about all that stuff...

      But, people do care about this story here and now, so... STORY TIME ! ...or something.

      *Insert Love and Tolerance ''something-something'' quote*

      ReplyDelete
    163. Rosethorn Larana'KhashJuly 22, 2011 at 11:54 AM

      @Dat fucking writefag

      SHIT COUNTRY?
      Well screw you, I happen to like it here. There are some stupid issues with copyright and censorship, but other than that it's a pretty nice country, in my opinion. And even if you happen to disagree, which I can totally accept, calling it a SHIT country is going a little too far...
      So please, let's be a little more civil, alright?

      ReplyDelete
    164. Rosethorn Larana'KhashJuly 22, 2011 at 12:03 PM

      @Nova25

      *sigh*
      Okay, okay, I give up, you're right.

      So.
      About the story.
      It's awesome.
      Exactly what is to be expected from the author of Better Living Through Science and Ponies, as well as Creeping Darkness.

      I don't like how many ponies are theorizing about Twilight getting... erm, is it hanged or hung? Screw it, about Twilight getting executed.
      THAT IS NOT THE AUTHOR'S STYLE. Go read Creeping Darkness and BLTSaP! They both end happily, just like this story almost certainly will. So stop worrying.


      Okay, now I have a question for everypony (especially Pen Stroke himself): Does anypony know any other stories, preferably MLP fanfics, by this wonderful author? Because I'd probably like to read them.

      ReplyDelete
    165. Pen StrokeJuly 22, 2011 at 12:10 PM

      @theuncalledfor

      The only other MLP Fanfic I've written to date that has its own post on Equestria Daily is the One-Shot Changing Octaves, which was a short I wrote when Cereal Velocity threw down a challenge in a music post.

      Here's the address: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/06/story-changing-octaves.html

      ReplyDelete
    166. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 12:32 PM

      @Anonymous

      Well, Nyx is Nightmare Moon's reincarnation. She is Nightmare Moon, but the spell that made her was incomplete and instead of a Nightmare Moon in her full glory the spell made the closest thing it could make, a filly. Nyx is a blank slate that can develop differently then the final product she was based on.

      ReplyDelete
    167. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 1:00 PM

      @Anonymous
      Ah, yes! That makes more sense than my thought. I do hope she doesn't turn out like the other Nightmare Moon. I like her more when she's sweet like she is :)

      ReplyDelete
    168. Rosethorn Larana'KhashJuly 22, 2011 at 1:09 PM

      @Pen Stroke

      You answered! Personally!
      Thank you! YOU'RE AWESOME! <3

      ReplyDelete
    169. TruthseekerJuly 22, 2011 at 1:21 PM

      Incredible, simply incredible. I salute you sir, and I will mention your story to my own readers. I e-mailed you with my critique. I do not care if it diverts some of my own readers, your work SO deserves it.

      ReplyDelete
    170. Dat fucking writefagJuly 22, 2011 at 1:38 PM

      @theuncalledfor

      >a little more civil

      Alright, I can live with that.

      ReplyDelete
    171. nemrynJuly 22, 2011 at 2:15 PM

      I think everypony else has already said everything I was going to say, so the only thing left is for me to demand fanart of Dinky as Twilight. So adorable!

      ReplyDelete
    172. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 2:40 PM

      *Chuckles* I just had the most EVIL idea. When the horse apples hit the fan and the Mane Cast finds out that Nyx was meant to be Nightmare Moon 2.0, it turns out that Pinky Pie had figured it out some time ago. When asked if it was because of her Pinky Senses Tingling, however, we cut to a flashback of Pinky Pie submitting a Pre-reader report (Or whatever Pre-readers do) to Equestria Daily. When we jump back to the present, she suddenly acts awkward and says "Yah, something like that."

      ReplyDelete
    173. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 4:26 PM

      I love that the story seems to have been planned out in its entirety.

      Pacing, good sir or madam--you have it.

      ReplyDelete
    174. SparklerJuly 22, 2011 at 5:00 PM

      >Flutteryay

      New art!

      PREPARE TO FIRE THE ORBITAL D'AWWWWWWW CANNON.

      ReplyDelete
    175. Katherine SularzJuly 22, 2011 at 5:02 PM

      Bravo! Beautiful! I totally cried at chapter 6. Please, write more! This is a wonderful story. :)

      ReplyDelete
    176. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 5:04 PM

      This story was worht all of my free time..

      NEED MORE

      ReplyDelete
    177. BugsydorJuly 22, 2011 at 5:47 PM

      Can Luna in Socks's D'awesomeness be applied to Nyx? Preliminary results indicate YES. Dangit, I need a Nyx wallpaper to add to my collection. A couple of these pics are about the right size, though...

      ReplyDelete
    178. Nova25July 22, 2011 at 6:06 PM

      @theuncalledfor
      Bah... I theorize that it's just a thought of Nyx (caused by Nightmare Moon's memories)... maybe from the ''I wanted to hurt her'' or from the ''If people know about me, they might do that to her'' (fear of what could happen).

      -----

      @Anonymous
      I'm pretty sure that the first use of the name ''Nyx'' (the origin of the name), for the ''being'' behind Nightmare Moon, was from the story ''Party Hasn't Ended'' (at the end), just to let people know.

      ReplyDelete
    179. UnknownJuly 22, 2011 at 6:15 PM

      By Celestia.. MOAR!

      ReplyDelete
    180. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 6:15 PM

      To all the people thinking the name Nyx is a reference to a video game, a book or another fanfic, educate yourself: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nyx

      ReplyDelete
    181. Rosethorn Larana'KhashJuly 22, 2011 at 6:24 PM

      @Nova25

      Exactly. Those are, by far, the most probable explanations for the picture, considering the author.

      Which is just another reason to LOVE LOVE LOVE this author! <3
      Hail Pen Stroke, who answered me personally! Who wrote Creeping Darkness and BLTSaP! Master of happy endings for suspenseful, fun stories!

      ReplyDelete
    182. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 6:29 PM

      I am hoping the next chapters are just as good as it is so far. Amazing story, please keep it amazing though the whole thing.

      ReplyDelete
    183. InFamous SpartanJuly 22, 2011 at 6:37 PM

      Pen Stroke, i would really say that if your aunt was here to see this...beautifully exciting story you wrote... this could have made her happy inside you and all of us fans to you from reading this spectacular story

      ReplyDelete
    184. PrincessColumbia_oldJuly 22, 2011 at 6:41 PM

      I am interrupting my ComicCon vacation to check this story for updates...I hope you're happy!

      ReplyDelete
    185. Pen StrokeJuly 22, 2011 at 6:42 PM

      Just dropping a comment here so I know what comments came after chapter 7,8,9, & 10 were posted.

      ReplyDelete
    186. FlakJuly 22, 2011 at 6:43 PM

      Holy crap, how many chapters do you have in reserve!? I didn't expect 10 chapters in 4 days, this is crazy.

      Anyway, I read up to chapter 6 yesterday and it was brilliant. I couldn't stop thinking about it at work yesterday and today. I was going to get stuff done today, but I'm not anymore.

      ReplyDelete
    187. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 6:44 PM

      Wow, you keep them coming, don't ya? Time to read the next 4 parts.

      ReplyDelete
    188. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 6:48 PM

      I was only going too read part 3 but I read everything through part 6 instead. I love the bit with the school play (though I wonder if the princesses were really fooled -- given how forgiving and compassionate they are, they might well know who Nyx is and want to give her a normal life with Twi anyway).

      I shed several manly tears at the final part of chapter 6. "What am I? I guess I'm your mother." *sniff*

      I'm so eager to see the rest of this.

      ~Ardashir

      ReplyDelete
    189. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 6:51 PM

      Finally got around to reading all of these. Very touching. I can't wait to see more.

      And yes, Pen Stroke is credit to community!

      ReplyDelete
    190. Nova25July 22, 2011 at 6:54 PM

      @Pen Stroke
      Well... seems like the 145+ stories in my backlog will have to wait a little more.

      (seriously... there's way too many new stories coming per DAY, on this site... not that it's bad, but an average of 5-7 new stories/day when you can only read 3-4/day... let's just say that the backlog grows quickly !)

      ReplyDelete
    191. BareeJuly 22, 2011 at 7:06 PM

      4 new chapters... I am trying so hard right know to save them for tomorrow... But its hard, man. Hard... I want to read them NOAW!

      ReplyDelete
    192. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 7:09 PM

      OH GOD THAT WAS SAD!!!... I wont cry... I wont.... *starts blubbering* NYX!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

      ReplyDelete
    193. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 7:17 PM

      This is AMAZING. The best fanfic made yet.

      ReplyDelete
    194. DVegaJuly 22, 2011 at 7:31 PM

      the updates. it's coming too fast!

      ReplyDelete
    195. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 7:32 PM

      I just finished reading it all, and he adds 4 more chapters less than an hour later. Guess I should clear my schedule tonight.

      ReplyDelete
    196. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 7:35 PM

      Four more chapters? Are you trying to kill us? This story qualifies as a weapon of mass D'AWWstruction.

      But still.... thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.

      ReplyDelete
    197. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 7:36 PM

      Dammit Celestia, when half your royal court is conspiring against you, among them your old personal protege, you must be doing something wrong.

      ReplyDelete
    198. AnonymousJuly 22, 2011 at 7:38 PM

      Why was Celestia being unreasonable to Twilight's pleas?

      ReplyDelete
    199. Colegate55July 22, 2011 at 7:41 PM

      4 updates! This is like a Pinkie Pie party (but more melancholy)!

      ReplyDelete
    200. Batty GloomJuly 22, 2011 at 7:43 PM

      @Anonymous

      Telling you naow would be telling. Ze next chaptahs will shed light on Celestia's motives.

      ReplyDelete

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