Author: Foxxy
Description: "Hi everypony! Sorry I missed you. I'm away in Canterlot for a few days. If you need help finding a book, Spike will be happy to assist. Library hours are 9 -5. Thanks! See you all then!Twilight Sky Over Canterlot
- Twilight Sparkle"
Alternate
Additional Tags: Contemplative Unusual Melancholy Detail Oriented
106 comments:
This story is incredibly beautiful. It amazes me how much amazing content is created for MLP, especially when most people look down upon fanmade content like this simply for being fanmade content. It's stories like this that remind me how absolutely amazing the fanbase is.
ReplyDeleteI have tears in my eyes because of this, and for once it's not because it was a sadfic. This story touched me in a strange way with its beauty. The scene where Twilight swam in the moon with Luna was just phenomenal. There was just something about the way this story was crafted that reaches out and pulls at your heart.
I really have no other words but praise for this fic. It's stuff like this that makes me incredibly proud to be part of this fanbase. Bravo to you Foxxy. Bravo.
6 Stars.
It's like My Immortal if it had ponies instead of Harry Potter characters and was actually trying to be serious.
ReplyDelete*speechless*
ReplyDeleteThis is insanely good. I can't believe it.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind fan stories, except there are so many of them, I have trouble figuring out who's alive, and who is where and who-shipped-who and so on...
ReplyDeleteA little preamble to set the scene would be immensely helpful.
I know you're supposed find these things as they reveal themselves in the story, but they can be more confusing than surprising to a new reader like me.
Wow, now that was a good read.
ReplyDeleteIt's like Love and Beauty and a cake made of Friendship and Childhood and happy summer days :D
ReplyDeleteWhile reading this story, I felt genuinely enchanted. Especially in one... (good-shivers) poetic scene near the end. What a heartwarming tale to read on a gorgeous Sunday morning. Much appreciated, Foxxy.
ReplyDeleteAlso, can't help but calling out... "Announcing Twilight Sparkle of Canterlot! --'PONYVILLE!'" Big grin :D .
What an amazing story! Your decision to do a first-person perspective was a great one; you pulled it off so well!
ReplyDeleteI have nothing but praise for this story, and I'd love to see more stories in a similar style for the rest of the mane cast.
This is some James Joyce shit right here
ReplyDeleteWow. That's a standard I hope to be able to hit someday.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful. Stands to be one of the best fics I've ever read. Hell, one of the best stories period, really.
It's odd, how some of the best stories I've ever read have ponies in them. O.o
ReplyDeleteThis is one of those stories. If you do a first person thing like this again, Dash would be awesome and Pinkie... I wonder If one could truly comprehend that...hmmm
Must agree. I usually don't read the fanfics, not because I hate them, but simply because they are bad, simplistic or both at the same time, simply written by someone with too much enthusiasm and not enough skill.
ReplyDeleteThis one is a rare jewel, a truly great work in a heaps of medicore stories. Its have everything - great work with the scenes and the scenery, fantastic characters, serious emotions - it was thrilling in general, and that is BIG to say about a fanfic. So, bravo. :) Looking forward to more work from You.
*is also speechless*
ReplyDeleteReally loved it.Good work.One of the best i've read.
ReplyDeleteHi everypony!
ReplyDeleteI am simply overjoyed that his story is so warmly received! You really all are the best. :) I really wanted to write the sort of thing I'd like to read about ponies but also write something that could only succeed as a story - something the show couldn't easily do. I'm very pleased that the reception has been so warm as I knew the story was going to come off as sort of unusual.
I admit I'm not much of a fanfic girl myself, so some of that informed what this story is. But seriously, from the bottom of my heart, thanks to you all for supporting and yes even encouraging this sort of thing as a community - this story would have been impossible with the worldwide Luna love. :)
Scarsdale - that may be my favorite review of one of my pieces yet. :) It is perceptive, though, I pulled a lot of atmosphere from Joyce for this one, especially Dubliners.
Omg! *tears* I started reading this a couple hours ago when there was a huge thunderstorm outside and now that I've finished the weather has somehow turned bright and sunny! Hmm, coincidence? Maybe not...
ReplyDeleteAlso, you finally managed to sell me on Luna and Trixie - I love those silly ponies now. As a self-confessed night person, and a bit of an insomniac, the scene where Twi finds Luna in the royal gardens was especially touching.
Its nice to think that I might not be the only one out there at night hitting the "Refresh" button to see if there are any new stories on EqD.
Anon
Heartachingly beautiful. At the moment I desire nothing more than to sit down to a quiet dinner with any of these characters and become their friend, then walk Canterlot's streets with them in the moonlight.
ReplyDeleteOne of the finest FiM fanfics I've ever read: beautiful, emotional, delightful. I loved how both Luna and Trixie were portrayed here, and the looks into Twilight's personality and life before Ponyville were wonderful.
ReplyDeletewoah...
ReplyDeleteThat was a monster of a read, but truly one of the better stories I have read. Very well done, and delicately handled when it comes to seeing inside the head of one of the main cast of the show. Truly worth the 5 stars I'm giving it.
ReplyDeletei don't really know how to put into words what i'm thinking, but you managed to make the relationships twilight has with all these other characters deeper than i can express anyways. somepony needs to be super cool and link lauren faust to this from her DA page, i think she'd even be speechless after reading this story. one of the best things i've ever read.
ReplyDeleteThis was amazing. Absolutely loved how Canterlot was embellished with all that detail and the heartfelt scenes from Twilight's perspective. Quite possibly the best fic I've ever read here, bravo.
ReplyDeleteThat's the most emotionally engaging story I've read in some time, fanfic or otherwise. Thanks for sharing that.
ReplyDeleteIt's like I'm reading a dream, watching it flutter from thought to thought seamlessly and in the most poetic way.
ReplyDeleteAwesome in every way.
Hey there Foxxy!
ReplyDeleteI just read your story. It's really well done. You've got great skills when it comes to back story and characterization. Hearing about the past history of Equestria really seemed to give it depth, and the characters themselves, having their own problems and opinions, and seeing the way they reacted to the different situations they were put in, was very enjoyable.
I was also impressed that you kept such a relaxed mood throughout the whole thing. I'm not sure how to add conflict to a story while keeping it so calm without either making the conflict insignificant, or the story boring. Very well played.
I certainly hope you keep writing. I'm interested to see what other things you can come up with.
That was.... amazing. I truly enjoyed reading this and the 1st person perspective made it all the better. I also like this personification of Trixie. Deeply hurting but refusing help from others, prideful to a fault but not truly thinking she is above everyone.
ReplyDeleteHoly mother of Celestia, I think that is one of the best fics l have ever read. Bravo, good sir.
ReplyDelete-elite guy 94
Okay, I admit it. I'm just flat-out blown away by this. I'm a writer and proofreader myself, and a total Miss PickyPants, but this is excellent, I mean, I got nothin' to say against it. You've really got the knack. I don't impress easily, but I am definitely blown away by this.
ReplyDeleteI'ts particularly impressive since doign the first-person narrative is always a bit of a challenge. But again, you nailed it. Good pacing, good characterization, excellent ear for dialogue. Looking forward to more.
I don't know what to say really.
ReplyDeleteother then its one of the best fan fics iv ever read, in any fandom and I have read many fan fics over the years.
definitely one of the top 5 stories on this site.
also I eagerly look forward to any future fics you may write.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful and moving... I hope to see more amazing pony-fiction from you in the future!
ReplyDeleteI'm not much of a fan-fic reader myself, and I've only recently come into FiM-fandom... and most of what I want to say has already been said. But...
ReplyDeleteThis story has done what I wish most stories would do: it's put me into a pseudo-trancelike state, where each written word comes to life in my mind's eye, and I see the image as the author probably hoped to have intended. Simply marvelous work.
One of the most well written and beutiful fic I've ever read.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly me as well. I usually see fan-fics as a little silly, but this came off as a beautiful piece of literature in it's own right. Your world building and descriptions of extravagance were wonderful. The trancelike state described was exactly how I felt, and I'm still feeling it now, with a sense of melancholy that it's now over. I hope you will continue to create more works for this fandom!
This is a story that, once finished, leave you silent.
ReplyDeleteNot knowing what to think.
Not wanting to say anything.
You just stare at your own blank thoughts, wondering of what to do next, but simply unsure.
This is a kind of story, very rare, unique so far on this website.
So long. You read it, you don't exactly remember it in the end, but you can't either forget it completely.
It somewhat get stuck in the back of your mind.
Yeah. It was one of the finnest, elegant story, I ever read yet.
Words can't fully describe how I feel about your delicate prose. Amazing story, description, places, characters. Flowing from one scene to the next. Just spectacular
ReplyDeleteI felt a strong wave of friendshipping between Twilight, Luna, and Trixie.
ReplyDeleteThat's the *main* mane character shipped with the two Ensemble Darkhorse(no pun intended) characters in ONE LONG, DESCRIPTIVE STORY.
No wonder a lot of people like it!
Creature of the night. You used it a couple of times; was that a reference to the Twilight/Luna shipfic Creatures of the Night? Or just some herdmind?
ReplyDeleteIn any case, few stories deserve 5 stars as much as this one does.
The extensive and elaborate writing style masks a a mediocre plot with frills and a stream of consciousness that goes wherever Twilight's mind wills.
ReplyDelete3 stars.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI was thinking up a really complex review that would cover about how the artist simply tried too hard to focus on details and thus made it extremely frustrating and boring to read, but I think this review here covers everything I wished to say.
Screw the fanfiction label, this is one of the best short stories I've ever read, period
ReplyDeleteThe stream of consciousness dream sequence left me physically shaking; I had to get up and walk around just to come to terms with how much it had moved me emotionally. That is writing of the highest level right there.
Of course, somepony had to compare your writing to Joyce before I even got the chance to read this, but as a big fan of his work, I would have to agree wholeheartedly. Well done.
I, welp, congrats, you left me speechless.
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that would have made this better if it was a radio drama or something, with all the right VA's
5 stars, and a moon.
I enjoyed this story. :]
ReplyDelete@nukeiffum
ReplyDelete6 stars? More like all the stars in the sky
I wanted to cry a few times during this story. I couldn't tear myself away from it. This was simply, utterly beautiful. I felt everything as though I was there. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this.
ReplyDelete*speechless*
ReplyDeleteWhat started yesterday evening as *just one more story before bedtime* turned into more than 45 minutes of pure literary pleasure!
The flow, the descriptions, the atmosphere... Tonight, I even kind of dreamed your story! No joke!
Please write some more stories like this!
So beautiful... no words to describe it. They should have sent a poet!
ReplyDeleteMore seriously, that was wonderful imagery. I loved that characterization of Trixie, I loved the descriptions as given through Twilight's perspective (which is a trick we don't see nearly often enough here)...
ReplyDeleteOh! What was Luna's song? I couldn't find any of the lyrics or the title in google, so what's the source on that? or did you translate some gaelic on your own? (Assuming that was gaelic and not made up or elvish or something.)
This story was excellent. The plot was well-conceived, and the execution laudable. However, I noticed some grammar problems in the second half (I began spotting them after Trixie's scene), particularly shifting tenses. To cite a few of the first major ones I noticed:
ReplyDelete>Wow, are all the books loaded already? Or was I moving more than I suspected?
Here you're moving from present to past tense (and from past to present with the sentence preceding it).
>I looked up at Celestia, who simply smiled down on me with her usual expression of approval and bemusement. I always blush when I see her and realize I’d temporarily lost all sense of where I was.
Here again, you make the jump from past tense in the first sentence to present tense at the start of the second, then back to past again. Also, I assume you meant to write amusement, not bemusement (unless you're trying to say the Celestia's demeanor was one of confused incomprehension, in which case ignore my comment).
>Now, throughout history ponies have ventured forth many theories about how magic works.
But nopony has yet to fully explain it, however, even if most unicorns have a feeling inside them about what makes it tick that’s quite impossible to place into words.
This bit really needs to be completely reworked. As it is, the second sentence is almost incomprehensible. Further, "But nopony has yet to fully explain it" means that everypony has fully explained it, presumably the opposite of what you're trying to say.
I'm not bringing these problems up because I didn't like your story (To the contrary, it's one of the best ones I've seen on this site), nor to belittle you as an author. I hope you keep writing; your talent is obvious. However, this story really would benefit from one more round of editing.
@Chris
ReplyDeleteHi Chris, thanks for pointing out those little lapses. :) I'll continue to brush it up.
A week later, in Celestia's reception room --
ReplyDelete"...also, Princess, one of the landscape ponies reports that he is missing his wagon. It seems the one lent to Twilight Sparkle was never returned."
*sigh* "What could that airheaded purple bookworm have done with it? ...oh well, just keep looking for it. You'll probably find it in an alley somewhere with some homeless pony using it as their home..."
"Mr. Breezy’s Fan Emporium"
ReplyDeleteHA!
Heh, you know, one of the things I realized about this story was that as i was reading, I felt like I had dove into the mind of Twilight Sparkle. No other way to explain it, really. It felt accurate and powerful, and my eyes were constantly met with what SHE thought of everything, and very little else. Not all first person is even like that...
ReplyDeleteYou captured first-person, (almost) streaming-consciousness writing perfectly, with a character you didn't even make yourself; one of the hardest challenges I've seen when it comes to writing. One of my favorite books in classical literature is Catcher in the Rye, and it's one thing I was reminded of while reading this. Her thoughts led her down odd tracks, reminiscing, her opinions about the sights and sounds around her. Holden did such, but instead of cursing and calling everyone phony, Twilight seemed to both miss and have a slight distaste for her old home (as illustrated by her thoughts in the balloon). I know this is also a really weird thing to say, but I think this story might have benefited from being in present tense. In my opinion, when a story is in streaming-consciousness mode writing, it means the thoughts are sudden, maybe-or-maybe-not completely related to what's currently going on, but they're still her thoughts. If it was in present tense, it may be easier to understand how often Twilight goes off about other things, or gets lost in her own thoughts. Past tense always seemed, to me, like a depiction of an event already passed. If you're just thinking up things as they come, then present would probably help the mood a little. I know the story isn't COMPLETELY streaming-consciousness, but it certainly could have been.
The anon and cottonmouth confuse me. Giving an average rating BECAUSE it's close to streaming thought without being exactly such? Because it seemed like rambling? Twilight is the one pony I could see rambling on and on about her life and what's around her, her and Pinkie or Rarity. It flowed naturally and simply, etching out the world in her eyes perfectly. I also don't understand the phrase "weak plot," all she did was find a distraught friend and try to comfort her. Then she met a distraught monarch, and seemed to successfully comfort her. She had two interactions, and both had interesting endings and played out very well. I don't understand at all what issues you had with this story to rate it average.
Bravo, author. I hope to someday write my first person as well as you, but such is always difficult to achieve.
Confound those ponies, they drive me to insomnia... and then to fanfics... and then the fanfics drive me to insomnia ARGH!
ReplyDeleteI'm wondering though, could it be that the story's Twilight is quite a bit older than her counterpart from the show?
I was wondering myself why exactly this story has such a melancholic mood to itself. And I think it's partly because of the incredibly well-painted atmosphere, yes, but it might also be because of some implications about Twilight's life.
In the show, I've always imagined the ponies as being around 18-20 in human terms - Twilight having spent most of her childhood in Canterlot.
But the story suggests that she was already in college age when she arrived at Canterlot, or at least started her university career - and that was already many years ago. That would mean that she spent her whole childhood as well as the largest part of her higher education without ever a close friend. She is learning about the magic of friendship at a time where other people start to raise a family.
That's quite a bit more than the show, I think.
This is not supposed to be a complaint - after all, everyone should be allowed to have their own idea of the world, otherwise all fanfics would be boring as hell - I was just wondering if I got this part right, since it seemed strange to me, or if I was overthinking this.
In any way, keep up the awesome work!
So wait.
ReplyDeleteDid Twilight and Luna fuck?
@9Nine9
ReplyDeleteI couldn't understand why anon called the writing frilly or why Cottonmouth called it too detailed and boring. I also think that crticizing a plot or lack there of in a story with this style of writing is superfluous and out of context as the execution of visual and emotional impressions is usually the whole point and much more important than individual events or actions. In that context, I thought the author performed famously.
My god ... I am practically speechless.
ReplyDeleteTwilight's dream (the blue italicized section) was so well written that I cried. Pure poetry.
This is undoubtedly the greatest fanfic I have ever read. Bravo, and please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!, make more.
That was... gorgeous. There are no words. What imagery!
ReplyDeleteI loved the gaelic or celtic or pseudo-celtic or whatever that was! Looked Scottish to me, anyway.
I thought it was funny how this fic sort of brushed the edges of like three different ships without actually becoming shippy. It also put a couple of interesting ideas in my head regarding Luna (as if I needed any more) in a metaphysical sense.
Criticism time! You did have a few issues with switching tenses and a couple spots where I thought a word might be missing. It probably could have used another editing pass.
I thought it would have been kind of cool and meaningful if Twi had used her old books as raw materials to build up the wagon, but that's mostly my physics brain complaining about conservation of energy.
Dang it, you bronies will make a Twi/Trixie fan of me yet! Like Gilda, I'd really like to see her have to face her failings head-on and make a conscious decision to be a better pony. Guess it's up to me to write that! :)
I'm not going to mince words: that was poetry.
ReplyDeleteutterly, purely, beautifully poetry.
Thank You.
i feel like i wouldnt do justice commenting on the amazing writing displayed here
ReplyDeleteso ill just say something else
i love how luna loves stickers. can we make that canon?
Ugh the doc won't load past page 2 for me :/
ReplyDeleteHehehe, stickers. That made me giggle. I wonder what the song means...
ReplyDeleteI look at my proud work now, my poetry in prose. And how I am filled with dread at letting a single line out now that I've read this. But you know what? I'ma try anyway. Cause really, if wonderful writers wrote to uninspire us lesser ones, we'd have no wonderful writers.
ReplyDeleteCrap. I have my work cut out for me.
I usually try to write in-depth and thought out critiques and reviews, but in all honesty?
ReplyDeleteI've nothing to say.
Except that this story was really, really, extremely poetic, as others have stated. It was a... a relaxing read. I would use another word there, but I can't really come up with one. I read this with the rain in my ears and a soft piano piece playing in the background and it just... seemed right.
I don't usually like reading thought provoking or melancholic pieces, but this one...
It's just so well written! Would that I could paint such a picture.
Well done!
I'm reading as I listen to Burial's Untrue. Such a surreal and reflective experience.
ReplyDeleteThis nearly brought me to tears. Its just beautiful. This stuck in my mind for many hours after I finished it.
ReplyDeletehow is it still 4.8! confound it!
ReplyDeleteSo vivid, it was like a dream. I lived it.
ReplyDeleteVery, very stunning work my friend.
5/5
150!
ReplyDeleteYou bastards are taunting me!
... My heart...
ReplyDeleteI wish for a sequel...
How is this not a six star story?!
ReplyDeleteNeeds that 6th star. >:|
ReplyDeleteThis... this is amazing. Absolutely amazing. You managed to not only make a first person perspective work, but also give the entire thing an almost dreamlike, shining quality, a quiet magic of words.
ReplyDeleteIt's rather hard to even find something to criticise - my only concern would be that it can become a tad confusing sometimes, thanks to the multitude of different story threads woven together. On the other hand, those are presented in such an elegant way they simply grow together organically.
In short, this is the kind of story that proves fanfiction is a worthwhile concept.
You, sir/ma'am, are awesome. Never stop writing, please.
I'll admit that I wasn't entirely impressed by this story at the beginning, but the second half was golden. Stuff like this reminds me how good it feels to be alive. =)
ReplyDeleteBEST... FIC...EVER
ReplyDeleteI have a new favorite.
It's been about 3 weeks since I read this one. I still can't stop thinking about. The 'swimming on the moon' sequence continues to fill me with joy, hope, sadness, and laughter. Your story truly is magnificent. It really deserves a 6 star rating.
ReplyDeleteI just finished this and I don't have words to describe my thoughts on it.
ReplyDeleteYes I do.
It was the most amazingly descriptive work of beauty I've ever laid eyes on as far as My Little Pony is related. I cannot believe that writers like this exist. I am truly, and honestly humbled. I would like to discuss parts in the fic, but like I said I just finished it. I'm stricken with delight! Very very well done 6-star fic! I can't compliment it enough!
Wow, it's been two months and this one is still getting ratings and comments! Thank you all who enjoyed this one (and I know it's not for everypony).
ReplyDeleteIf anypony here wants to talk with me about this story or writing in general, I may be reached at my DA account:
http://twilightflopple.deviantart.com
Don't be modest, Foxxy. This is an amazing piece you've written and I'm very jealous that I don't have your gift for description. I compare myself in terms of being a writer and I find myself a speck of dust in the expanse of space when doing so. You're amazing, really. I'm in love with this.
ReplyDeleteThis starts off terribly slowly, not picking up until she meets up with Trixie. I'm impressed, though, at how you were able to keep a very consistent voice up for so long, even if sometimes I felt the writing a little florid for Twilight. I was also surprised, I suppose, by her attraction to Rarity, though I suppose she gets along with Rarity better than anypony else besides, perhaps, Fluttershy. (She does seem to fall easily for any mare she spends any time with.)
ReplyDeleteI of course adored the little translation bit. I felt like that was put in there just for me! Exciting!
This was a most interesting read, a great look into Twilight's head with a very exhilarating ending. I'll congratulate you at putting the various bits of poetry into this. It's not something I've seen around this fandom as of yet; well done.
This is only 5 star? What is with everypony, this is amazing.
ReplyDeleteI loved this.
ReplyDeleteI felt the characterizations were very good. Twilight was believable, as was Trixie, Luna and Celestia. The descriptions of Canterlot were excellent.
The atmosphere was incredible, it drew me in. I am a melancholy night pony and much of this resonated with me. It was very moving.
The underlying themes are good as well, regarding Luna, Trixie and the difficulty of forgiveness and accepting help. It's a marvellous gem.
Thank you for your work.
A dreamy, stream-of-consciousness exploration of Twi's thoughts and feelings. Wonderfully done.
ReplyDeleteThere were a few moments where it got a little too dreamlike and made me wonder 'is she thinking or saying that?'
Also a few typo's here and there but nothing major. 'Trixe' instead of Trixie etc etc
Hmm....so much to say about this. First off, why is it not six stars yet? I understand that this could be a daunting read for a new brony; it's so wrapped up in the entire culture and fanon that has been created. However, that just shows how enriched the writings of this fandom are.
ReplyDeleteNext, I always feel strange and alienated when I get snapped out of my drifting thoughts, bring hundreds of forethought presumptions to a situation, or just plain over-think everything. So I take comfort in reading this almost "train-of-thought" writing style. Not only was it brilliant to have a portal straight into the mind of our favorite nerdy mare, but it reminds me that there are definitely other people out there who's minds are always racing from one place to another, their physical location having little hold on thought and imagination.
So yeah, lots of crazy emotions from this read. My love to the author, the bronies who made this fandom what it is, and....pretty much everything else, too.
I cannot express just how beautiful this story was. This is writing at its finest, to be sure. I found much of it to be profound, and almost comforting, especially this bit:
ReplyDelete"Princess, have you seen forgiveness for the first time? Yes I have. Where? All around us, Twilight. In the air and the water and the land and the brick and mortar and even in all the spaces between."
Foxxy, you are AMAZING. Thank you for writing this brilliant story. And, looking at the tags, 'Star-6'? More like 'Star-∞"
This was bloody good. Definitely five-star material.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately for me, it reminded me of why I don't write anything using the first-person perspective. Doing so requires an extremely detailed analysis of a character's mind, which I can't do because (speaking metaphorically) I lack the required software, and I probably don't have enough RAM to run it, anyway.
This is the second fanfic I've read. The first was cupcakes :|
ReplyDeleteI don't think I need to tell you how much better this story was, 6/5 stars for the best fanfic I've ever read.
Wow. I mean, Wow. I'm not a fan of fanfiction in general and never venture out of Original Flavor territory. Except for this. I LOVE this. After reading this story, I got into a contemplative mood myself and read it again the next morning. I have to say, I've read many actual books that do not reach this level of quality. Bravo.
ReplyDelete@Foxxy
ReplyDeleteI really hope you still check the comments section of this some time, Foxxy, because I really want you to read this.
At great risk of being cliche, I have to say this was not only an absolutely gorgeous, simply beautiful story, but I felt just a little inspired just reading your magnificent prose. This was beyond beautiful. I'm at a lose for how to praise you and describe just how it made me feel, I'm still just so rapped up in it. I'm a little happier having read it, and a little sadder since I finished it.
How you took the premise of a kids cartoon show, its characters, and give everything such a level of depth and warmth, such whimsical, mystical detail, just did wonderful things for me. Twilight will forever be my favorite character, and you've cemented that love with this. I feel like going off and writing something, like I've always wanted to, just because reading this has made real life a little duller in compare.
You get a hug if I ever meet you. Sorry I have to be another anon.
This deserves a repost.
You made my favorite character even better, and made two characters that I'm fond of, Trixie and Luna, have more depth to them than I usually see. Gives me the warm fuzzies.
ReplyDeleteAlso inspired me to write and look at the world a bit differently.
This story is Beautiful! Usually first person stories don't really touch me, but this one just felt Right.
ReplyDeleteAt parts, I wished for context. I'd have liked to see it from the other characters perspective as well, but with no real narration that's of course impossible.
I really do love it though and would love to see more!
Wow, that was insane! Such an interesting writing style! I felt very much in the mind of Twilight Sparkle. It was confusing, poignant, and beautiful. It was like a constant stream of memories, visions, thoughts, all beautifully and eloquently worded. The Luna scenes were absolutely breathtaking, a truly wonderful piece of literature.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the same thing that makes it good can be unwanted; I felt confused at times, not knowing if I was reading dream, reality, or memory. the story was meandering and lacked a clear goal. HOWEVER, these observations can be both good and bad; most of the time I liked it. Like I said, it's like taking a trip into Twilight's mind
I am very excited to read more of your work. You are a master at painting scenes, and even better at attaching true and beautiful emotions to those scenes. I hope you take comfort in knowing that you have inspired me GREATLY (as songwriter) and you have given me a lot to think about.
5/5 :)
Wow, that was insane! Such an interesting writing style! I felt very much in the mind of Twilight Sparkle. It was confusing, poignant, and beautiful. It was like a constant stream of memories, visions, thoughts, all beautifully and eloquently worded. The Luna scenes were absolutely breathtaking, a truly wonderful piece of literature.
ReplyDeleteHowever, the same thing that makes it good can be unwanted; I felt confused at times, not knowing if I was reading dream, reality, or memory. the story was meandering and lacked a clear goal. HOWEVER, these observations can be both good and bad; most of the time I liked it. Like I said, it's like taking a trip into Twilight's mind
I am very excited to read more of your work. You are a master at painting scenes, and even better at attaching true and beautiful emotions to those scenes. I hope you take comfort in knowing that you have inspired me GREATLY (as songwriter) and you have given me a lot to think about.
5/5 :)
Spelling and grammar needs some work.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise I think it's pretty good. It's not the greatest one-shot I've ever read, but it has strong messages and despite having trailing ends, it feels mostly complete.
Also, Twilight should really go back and pay for that wagon . . .
ReplyDeleteGosh, that was touching.
ReplyDelete@Sebiale
ReplyDeleteActually, I'm pretty sure the wagon was royal property and that Celestia wouldn't mind its loss given the use it was put to. The gardener probably shrugged and got a new one from the shed. [I had already posted my opinion earlier anonymously because I didn't have an account then- it's 9 posts above this one].
That was beautiful, that's all I have to say.
ReplyDeleteYou're a very talented writer Foxxy.
ReplyDeleteSweet....sweet Celestia...
ReplyDeleteI have no words, but tears and happiness.
Bravo good sir.
Beautiful story, strikingly eloquent. The only thing i can say is that the words "alight" and "alit" were used several times to mean something other than the words actual definition entirely. i know that was annoying i just had to say it. Still a wonderful story and without a doubt among the best fanfics i have ever read.
ReplyDeleteThat story was certainly unique. May have actually managed to convince me to try reading some other stories with Trixie in them.
ReplyDeleteHowever, there were some problems with shifting tense. Sometimes the story would shod between past and present tense mid-sentence.
Also, I read these on my phone so I don't know if it was just a formatting problem with my browser but there was absolutely no punctuation during Twilight's dream. And at the beginning of the story there's nothing distinguishing the text for narration from Twilight's thoughts.
^^shift between*
ReplyDeleteStupid autocorrect.
I return here and reread to this story every couple of weeks and it never fails to move me to tears. This is easily the most beautiful pony fic I've ever read.
ReplyDeleteCould you post this on FIM Fiction?
ReplyDelete