• Story: Moonbeam (Update Story 2, Chapter 14!)


    [Normal] More Luna!

    Author: Laurence Brown
    Description: Having trouble making friends, Princess Luna decides that using some magic might be just the thing to help her out. Things don't go as planned, however, when the spell she casts gives her some unexpected results!
    All Links After the Break!


    Moonbeam Part 1
    Moonbeam Part 2
    Moonbeam Part 3
    Moonbeam Part 4
    Moonbeam Part 5
    Moonbeam Part 6
    Moonbeam Part 7 
    Moonbeam Part 8
    Moonbeam Part 9 
    Moonbeam Part 10 

    Moonbeam (Alternate) 


    Additional Tags: Magic, Long, Season 1, Friendship

    [Normal] Story 2
    Description: Sequel to Moonbeam. The continuing adventures of Princess Luna and her friends from Ponyville. Follow along as Luna works to regain her former position in the court of Equestria, and her friends cope with being the close friend of royalty.
    Phases of the Moon (New Chapter 14!)


    Phases of the Moon (Alternate)

    Additional Tags: Long, relationships, maturation, slice-of-life, season 1

    Fan Art


    Fan Art

    Source: Heatwave

    197 comments:

    1. This looks pretty cool; well written too :D

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    2. there is a disturbance in the force?

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    3. Looking good, moar!

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    4. "dastardly things"

      Now you've got me thinking about dick dastardly.

      ~Scratch

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    5. I like were this is heading! Although it's a little bit slow. Still, I'll keep my eye open for the next parts!

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    6. I love socially awkward Luna, can't wait for more!

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    7. You named the innkeeper Dewdrop.
      I can't decide if I hate you or respect the subtlety of the pun.
      Possibly both at once.

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    8. I wonder if the princess will interact and try to make friend with the main cast. I think she could be a great friend with Fluttershy. Applejack seems also logical to me.

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    9. Keep up the good work! A intresting plot so far, new characters, that could be out of the actual show and good descriptions of Luna's thoughts. Can't await the next chapters!

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    10. Interesting story so far, I love longer fics. keep up the good work!

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    11. Re: Escher

      No pun was actually intended. I originally had Feather Down and Dewdrop's jobs switched, but I decided that a napaholic working at a place filled with beds wasn't a good recipe for job security. So, um, please don't hate me too much? ;)

      And to everyone: Thank you for all the kind words. Every time I hit a bump on the road, I come here, look at the picture above and read your comments. It helps get me going without fail.

      Thank you for reading!

      --Laurence Brown

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    12. "I flapped just a bit harder than I should have."
      I...erm...read that wrong...

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    13. Well, I doubt that Celestia will let her sister stay like that for a month let alone for a whole year. If Celestia stay calm, she could let Luna stay a earth pony for the week she talked in the letter then come fix it as soon she notices that she is not here the eighth day but I feel that Celestia will want her sister back sooner.

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    14. I'm loving the characters you laid out here:

      A British(?) gardener, a hyper nap-aholic, the 'normal' one, and a stubborn farmer.

      Also, ending=oh crap son!

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    15. @FasterThenRainbows

      I think he is Russian. After all, he came from Stalliongrad.

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    16. @Laurence Brown
      Bah, an unintentional pun is still a pun. We still have a Dewdrop Inn in ponyville. :D

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    17. My name is Darth Equus, and I approve of this story. Love the way chapter four was closed. Keep at it!

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    18. I love it when OC characters are used appropriately as story-telling devices and not as self-inserts; makes me have faith in the creativity of others. And to be honest...these are kind of the personalities I would expect to see on the show with secondary characters.

      Keep up the good work. This fic has earned it's 4 and 4/5 star ratings.

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    19. Like it. Second Brony Fanfic I actually like and enjoyed reading - It is well paced, have strong, well done and executed characters with unique personalities, and even Luna is quite well described with her social Akwardness and trying so hard to belong.
      Of course, it is not perfect, a few texts here and than, or even a fact, that Luna is not a night-time creature...
      Well, overall a good job, and second fanfic I will be waiting for to continue ;)

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    20. I like this story too so far. All the new characters seem to fit in very well with the regular MLP:FiM theme without being 'over the top'.

      I do have to wonder who's raising the moon now that Luna's magic is disabled. Is Princess Celestia still doing both sun and moon? Also agree with fireant in that I'd expect Luna to be more of a 'night' person.

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    21. >or even a fact, that Luna is not a night-time creature...
      -Well, have you considered that Luna is NOW Moonbeam - Earth Pony ? ...and that might have changed her habitude quite a bit ?

      Anyways. I must say that so far this story quite refreshing to read and pretty interesting.

      And now I'm starting to wonder what will be the trigger that will change her back.

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    22. @nova_25

      Indeed. But she was a daylight creature BEFORE the transformation, as we can see eating regular breakfast with Celestia, sleeping in the night in the palace, and all that stuff. So, she is described NOT to be a nighttime owl'y, and that is quite off-setting.

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    23. @Escher: Ha ha! Oh my, that made my day, thank you for pointing that out. What a wonderfully weird feeling, to have been punned by yourself.

      @FasterThenRainbows: Oh dear! LOL, I'm quite glad that I haven't made that typo yet, hehe. And Anonymous has it correct, I'm aiming for a vague Russian flavoring.

      Re: Luna being nocturnal. Thanks to the fact that too little screen time is given to Luna, there is no way to know what kind of schedule she keeps. My take on it, for this story, is that it is easier for Luna to keep a day schedule to be able to try to re-integrate into pony society after 1,000 years away, then sleeping during the day would.
      But I can easily see her being nocturnal too. Hopefully season two will clear this all up for us. =)

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    24. @Laurence Brown

      Tsk! Don't waste time on writing comments, when You can spend it on writing next chapter! We need it. I NEED it. Do it!

      I mean, uh, um... If you like to. :3

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    25. Pine Needle reminds me of British Derpy:
      http://imgur.com/eRkHu

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    26. MOAR PLEASE GET WRITIN'

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    27. I'm not big on fanfiction but I really like this story and am glad to see you're continuing it at a steady pace. Keep up the good work!

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    28. Already two new parts ? Excellent. I really love the story so far, and the tie in with the episode is a nice touch. Gives a good esplanation why Celestia was there too. Keep up the good work !

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    29. I think a good part to add would be one of her friends acedentily breaking the stone. That I think would be a great way to change Luna back.

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    30. I love how you crossed the story over with the Fall Weather Friends episode, that's a nice touch.

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    31. i am thoroughly enjoying this fan fic.
      well written, sir
      i look forward to the next few updates.
      do you have any idea how many chapters this will be?

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    32. Oh God, this is getting damn good. I love this. Can't wait for the next update. The suspense is killing me.

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    33. Yes, Yeeeesssss, Yeeeeesssssshhh, My Preciousss!
      New chapters? Awesome. Well written? Hell yeah. Fantastic crossover with an Actual Episode? Indeed! Celestia showing her softly, cuddly side? Checked. Luna/Moonbeam starting to think about herself in the situation? Owww yeah.

      So, Five Cupcakes so far, as this story continue to be Awesome read - can't wait for more of Moonbeam and her friends!

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    34. Luna is mai waifu. Moar Luna please.

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    35. The only critisism I have is the awkward (to me) jumps in time after settling in her job. But even that is a tiny one. This whole story thoroughly deserves its 5 stars. Loved the earthpony magic part.

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    36. The crossover to an actual episode of the show was amazingly done.

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    37. Anxiously awaiting the rest, having finished up to part 6! :)

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    38. some pony should draw Luna [as Moonbeam] with her new friends

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    39. @Hiro: Right now my outline says 10 chapters total. But then, it started out as 9, and what is chapter 5 was only supposed to be a short blurb at the start of what is now chapter six. Then Princess Celestia took a look at my feeble efforts, and told me to do it right or she'd take Luna home then and there, killing the fanfic faster than Charlie Sheen killed 'Two and a Half Men'. Celestia was, of course, correct. I was just too eager to get to working on what was my favorite scene to write so far, the Running of the Leaves.

      So, I don't expect to go Spinal Tap and have the chapters go to eleven, but based on what happened this weekend, I'm not going to guarantee ten as the final count either. But ten is the plan.

      Also, continued thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment, both here and on ff.net. Your support helps me push myself to make each chapter better than the last one. =)

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    40. I totally loved your description of earth pony magic (the metaphorical representation of expanding ripples of light reminds me a lot of Toph-o-vision from Airbender), and you're right alongside me as far as the thoughts on its nature. I've been thinking for a while that, thought it might just be tradition now, the whole reason for the 'no magic' thing during Winter Wrap Up and so on, is because when they use magic the plants just don't grow as well next year...

      I keep thinking that if Luna (or Celly, for that matter) really exerted herself on earth magic, the ground would shake with every step, flowers bloom where her feet have trod, etc.

      Very much enjoying the story so far.

      My one criticism would be that the voices are occasionally weird. I have a hard time imagining Luna saying "darn it!", for example. And I keep wanting to give Pine a stronger Russian accent than what you're writing, but that's probably just me, because I love writing in dialect.

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    41. @Laurence Brown
      "Then Princess Celestia took a look at my feeble efforts, and told me to do it right or she'd take Luna home then and there."

      You're doing it right, then. I've heard more than one author describe the writing process that way, that sometimes the characters are surprising the author as they write, or demanding to do things a certain way.

      Oh, and I want to echo the earlier comments about weaving your story into the existing episode, that was clever. (Whining about Pinky and Spike paying attention to only their friends cracked me up!)

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    42. One of the best fanfics I've read (Second after "The Party That Never Ended" I'm sorry to say) and it stars my favorite character/mai waifu!
      Post Script: When is the next part coming out?

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    43. I had a little suggestion to make, and it's really up to you if you want to use the idea, and maybe you already were going to but...

      I noticed that you've been pretty strict about referring to her as Luna in the narration and Moonbeam only when others are addressing her.

      I was thinking is it would be a neat writing technique if, when she's swinging towards throwing away her old life and letting her secret identity become her only identity, the /narration/ starts to refer to her as Moonbeam. A way to sort of reflect her inner view of herself without having to be explicit about the fact that she's thinking of herself as Luna less and less.

      Just, y'know, random thought. *squeak*

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    44. awesome. i love how it ties in with season 1, at the very least its a nice alternate reality to explain why luna was gone. and i have a feeling this is gonna be an epic tale.

      whens the next part coming?

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    45. @Escher

      I had toyed with trying that, but I declined for a couple of reasons. The biggest one being that I wanted to make sure 'I' remembered that it was Luna, and not make her even more into an OC pony than she kind of becomes throughout the story. The others, I don't want to share, slight spoilers ;)

      And regarding when the next part gets done? Don't know, lol. Work is being, well, work, and this chapter is growing fast. It's looking like it will be longer than any of the others (over 6,500 words at the moment, could easily break 10k before I'm done). My conservative guess will be that I'll have it done Friday night, Saturday morning.

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    46. Heh, neat. Looking forward to the next part!

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    47. This is my favorite fanfic on the blog. Great Work!

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    48. Dear Laurence, put the next chapter ASAP. I enjoy reading this so much, That I started to treat it just like additional subseries of the show itself, where each chapter is like a single Episode. Its like "Friendship is Magic: Moonbeam" to me. Need it! I NEED IT.

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    49. oh god this last chapter made me smile :)

      MOARRRRRR

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    50. Love the story THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS MUCH!!!! Literally Can`t wait for more! =D

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    51. Eh, can I praise Your writing skill enough for this? I don't think so, that is why I must comment after I read Chapter 7 of My Little Pony: Moonbeam is Magic ;)

      I. Loved. It.

      It was absolutely magical and contain EVERYTHING that I expect from a good story. Some emotional strings have been pulled gently, I laughed or giggled a few times, I practically sang the song of Pinkie, I enjoyed quite vast descriptions of the works that Ponies must do... It was very enjoyable, especially mixed with good penmanship and with Your best effort to stay within canon. I really have not a single point of criticism toward the last chapters, and few things stand our SO WELL in it, I want to cry from joy.

      First of All, what You have done to Nightmare Moon is plainly ingenious - at first I simply liked the idea of her in Luna mind, but in the few first, let's say, confrontations Nightmare Moon was acting more like a crazed mad scienting than a impersonation of Luna's dark side. Now, however, you played her role masterfuly - Nightmare Moon is now Deliciously Evil, and I LE GASPED in this scene. *standing up to applaud*

      Relationship between our New Friends Pack are also described well, fluid and without forcing anything - so to speak, I can and I belive in how they are all working with each other, and that is great thing to achieve. Also good playing with the orignal characters - Pinkie Pie is so much Pinkie, and the song was superb; as I said before, I tried my best to sing it myself!

      So, Dear Laurence Brown - Bravo!
      Now *crack of a whip* write MORE! Demand is High it this region for MOAR Moonbeam! ;)

      It's like watching a second subseries, reading this - So. Much. Pony.

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    52. I wish I knew what the song was in tune with, though...

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    53. After seeing several people ask here and elsewhere just what tune I had in my head for the song in chapter 7, I decided to try to find some sort music writing/playing thing online. It couldn't be too hard, I thought to myself. After all, I played the trombone back in High School (yet another reason why Pinkie Pie is one of my favorite ponies), I understand how music is read and written, it shouldn't be that hard to do a Google search and at least whip up something halfway close to the tune that's in my head. Right? RIGHT?!!

      (a couple of hours later...)

      AAAGH!!!! Confound these ponies, they drive me to unsuccessfully compose stuff!

      So, here's all I can really say. I made sure that it wasn't a direct rewording on an existing song that I'm aware of, so I can't just point to such and such a song and say, sing it to that. The MLP song it comes closest to would be the first part of 'Giggle at the Ghosties'. A very similar tempo, same upbeat feeling too. Maybe I'll go back to one of those programs down the road and try to find one that works intuitively for me, but until then, sing it however you want. :)

      Thanks again to everyone for reading! I will do my best to live up to your (and my) hopes for the last part of the story. I'm hoping chapter 8 will be done in the next few days. It's the last chapter I don't have 100% finished in my head. Once I get those few rough spots hammered out, and as long as work doesn't force any more unasked for overtime on me, the last two chapters (9 and 10) should be written in not too long of a period of time (although that last chapter may get longer than 7 did, which kind of scares me, lol!)

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    54. This story is a great example of how to do OC ponies right. As each of their personalities came into focus I settled right into liking them without any effort. By the time chapter 7 came out and everypony showed up to help it was heartwarming and smile-inducing and lovely. Great chapter! Between this and Arddun Lleuad it's been a good day for Chapter 7's!

      The fact that there's an ending in sight gives me mixed feelings: sad it's coming to a close, but very happy that it's going to actually be wrapped up while the author still has momentum. I'm definitely looking forward to chapters 8, 9, and 10!

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    55. NEED MORE MOONBEAM HHHHNNNGGGGGG

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    56. I am not sure how I missed this one. I just read the 7 chapters here so far, and I find this to be one of the most enjoyable fics posted on ED. I saw someone said the pace was a bit slow, I personally think its great. The fact you keep me interested without needing to rush through the story can only be a good thing. Looking forward to the next chapter ^^

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    57. Another great part Laurence, well done ! Don't stress yourself too much, take the time you need for the last parts :)

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    58. >"lover stallion"

      I think "lover colt" would be much more fluent, just pointing that out.

      >"Pinkie Pie, you have experience working with knives, right?"

      Cupcakes.

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    59. Seriously one of the best fics. Plus it solves the "sad Luna" problem in a great way. It is faithful to the TV show's spirit in most ways, too. I really think its an interesting mix of mane cast and original character ponies. Frankly its fun to see different circles of friends that touch each other at points (in this case through Pinkie Pie). Do not quit until you have this one wrapped up!

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    60. Wow. This was DAMN good. I just finished the 7th chapter and am now sad because I need more. The plotlines aren't that different from the show's. I could easily see this as a two-hour FiM movie.

      Great idea, and spectacular execution.

      I also am sad that this is coming to a close (must the journey end?), as it is great character development for Luna, but am eager to see how it is resolved.

      The ending has to be something like the stone is busted and she's so afraid they'll all hate her, and they'll be a bit weirded out at first, but still love her because of her actions and Celestia will give her the ok to live in Ponyville and everypony will love her in the end and she'll write a "Dearest Sister Celestia" letter and it'll be so HNNNNNGHHHH and D'AWWWWWW worthy that I'll have my fourth MLP related heart attack.

      But seriously, this story is just damn great, brony. A thousand brohoofs to you.

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    61. Another Trombrony(played trombone in High School as well).? Good to hear,the delivery of the characters is excellent. One of the best use of OCs of the fics I've read on here keep up the good work

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    62. @Display Name

      Cupcakes? Hunh?

      Oh, there's a Pinkie Pie fic by that name, I wonder what it's like....
      (shortly later)
      Oh. My.
      Eeek!!
      Um, not skilled with knives like that, but lol! (I'm never going to be able to unsee that now, ack!)

      Also, Chapter 8 is now up! I'm going to try to give a little less fanfic update spam to the main site, so I'll only ask Sethisto to update this once I have the rest of the story done (that should help give me some inspiration to keep plugging away at it. Not that I need much at this point. Home stretch!)

      So, I'll post in here again when chapter 9 is done, I'm going to guess maybe mid week for 9, sometime next weekend for 10.

      Thanks again everyone for reading. I am constantly humbled and inspired by the praise you give me, and please don't hesitate to tell me if I'm messing up either.

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    63. This is such a heartwarming story. I can't wait to see how it ends!

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    64. i demand the next chapter...
      Luna <3

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    65. And You will never cease to amaze me. Chapter 8 story was quite simple, in spirit of the entire series, with a real life problem handled in a real life way, and I liked it. But what make me crack is the way you handled the little love-love relation between Haystack and Dewdrop <3 It was a thing of beauty, how you showed their affection without tossing any cliche lines into the mix or, and this is strong, using word "Love" in any variant. A real achievement yet again!

      I can't wait for next chapter, like always.
      Also, I hope You will continue writing after the Moonbeam story will be concluded.

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    66. There is no chapter 8 up

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    67. @Diamond Sparkle

      It appears I was not 100% clear about what I meant, and I apologize for that.

      My fanfiction is hosted of fanfiction.net, and that is where Chapter 8 currently is up. Just click on any of the links at the top to go to my story. You'll see on that page there is also, in the upper right area, a drop down menu for chapter selection. Just click on that, and then select whichever chapter you want to read.

      Again, I apologize for not making myself clearer on that to begin with.

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    68. And now, chapter 9 is up on ff.net as well. Time for me to get cracking on the finale. Just a couple of quick notes:

      @fireant: Thank you! That was exactly how I wanted that moment to come across, I'm on cloud nine right now knowing that it came across that way.

      @Escher: Yes, that is a shout out to you in chapter 9. Thanks again for pointing out that glorious pun!

      Thanks again to everyone reading, this weekend is looking better and better for getting the final chapter up. I'm excited. :)

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    69. Mhm, number 9 was delicious, and I savoured it like a tasty piece of steak ;) And, yes, this is getting boring, I am still loving it even more. Luna vel Moonbeam is just so very well portrayed here. Also, I chuckled a little thanks too the Manager persona and his magical devices xD Quite clever, quite smart! Idea for the party was great, and the ending is so well written - I feel tension and suspense is killing me right now. It must and it will end well (I hope so!), but I still want to know HOW it will end, so You kept my interest in this story.

      So, AGAIN, congratulations and AGAIN I can't wait for the next chapter.

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    70. Seems like the story is a bit bloated. Probably could have cut it by 2 chapters right now and still get the point across. A lot of the slice of life stuff seems hit or miss for me. When it hits, I really enjoy it. I can't wait to read the climax

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    71. part 9 was awesome. only downpart is that i wont be able to concentrate on anything untill part 10...

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    72. Really, really great job.
      I can't wait for the finale! :D

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    73. Once again, I must say this is my favorite fanfics EVER!

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    74. @Anonymous: I don't think the story is bloated.I'm enjoying every chapter. Last two (8 and 9) included. Keep up the good work!

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    75. Amazing work. I just finished chapter 9! :D
      I love this story cant wait for the finale.

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    76. Oh! I can't wait to read the end.

      Also I think I should mention this, there are these new ponies called filly princesses. I can't really explain it all here but for more information goto www.myfilly.com

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    77. @DiamondSparkle
      It's called a cheap rip-off.

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    78. Dear Princess Author,
      your story is well written and nice, poor Luna.. she needs more loving. She deserves friends and a hug.
      your faithful student, Reader.

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    79. What your faithful student Reader said.

      For some reason I feel a slight undertone of d'aww beneath this story.

      I like it.

      ~Display Name

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    80. these are types of fan fics that make me absolutely adore Luna.

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    81. Holy mother of god, dat cliffhanger at the end of part 9.
      I don't think I've ever been more anxious to see the next chapter of a fan fiction before.

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    82. I love this story, just waiting for the last bit!

      I was partially expecting Luna to tell them who she was aloud before breaking the gem, and get the "Oh Celestia, she's crazy" looks. Oh well. :D

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    83. @Anonymous
      Huh. That's a strange comment. This is, at its heart, a slice-of-life story, so saying you feel like the slice of life stuff is "bloated" and "hit or miss" seems a bit odd.

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    84. your fanfic made me forget this is based on a children's show

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    85. DAMN YOU, Laurence Brown!!!! DAAAMN YOUU!!
      Leaving me hanging onto the edge of my seat like that! I WANT .... no I NEED MORE!!

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    86. Oh man i cant wait for the next part Luna is my Favourite non Mane cast member

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    87. This is dangerously close to becoming my favourite piece of FiM Fiction yet :D

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    88. Now, *THIS* is how fanfiction should be written!

      DarthEquus, the Pony Sith Lord, demands MOAR.

      NAO.

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    89. This is good: the hate towards OCs that ppl said they had never materialized. They probably just disliked bad writing and associated OCs with it: clearly that stereotype has been shattered.

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    90. OC ponies could be great, as they are great tool to develope unique character and personality, and not just follow the "try-to get into a charcter" of ponies we already now and have settled frames and patterns of behaviors. From Twilight or Rarity we EXPECT certain responses, as we belive we know these characters. With OC ponies author can be more free as he shape his/her characters as he/she please. As long as they are fleshed out in a realiable way, and the writing is good, its not only okay, but enjoyable.

      Like here - Moonbeam is my BEST FAVORITE ULTRA fanfic, due to many things, but one on the list is a gallery of interesting, self-made heroes ;)

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    91. I've only just sat down to read this, and I read the lot in one go. There's no massive over-arching battles, no torrid love-triangles, just a confused and lonely princess trying her best to make some friends - and succeeding.

      I love it.

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    92. A lot of the OC hate comes from the self-insert crowd. See the Sonic fandom as an example of what people are afraid of.

      This is a well done fanfic - certainly none of that here.

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    93. i really love this story. personally, i got goosebumps on the earth pony magic part.

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    94. Enjoying the story so far, though its a surprisingly long read. Great characters on the sidelines, but Luna's coming off a bit psycho crazy towards the end, which I suppose is fitting but I liked her "cautious optimism" turn towards the middle rather than this overly emotional side she's shown in the last chapter.

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    95. This is the best MLP fan-fiction I have ever read.

      And a happy end for Luna is always good.

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    96. I already said it on Fanfiction.net, but this story deserves all the recognition it can get.

      And something my fellow bronies reminded me of in their comments that I failed to mention in my fanfiction review was the inclusion of songs during the Harvest chapter. That was one of the reasons I liked that chapter so much. I don't need to hear the tune. As an avid singer myself, I can compose one on the fly as long as I know the rhyme and reason.

      This was a well done fic, surprisingly so for a first time, and I for one, thoroughly enjoyed it.

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    97. Really, really great story, even if it did get a little bogged down in parts. Really well-developed characters and a well thought out story. I loved the backstory you built between Haystack and Pinkie Pie XD I'm looking forward to what you write next.
      I was actually wondering if there was some way to contact you, such as an email. I want to ask you a quick question, Mr Lawrence Brown.

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    98. This should be turned into a full-length feature film.

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    99. I just realized that I never got around to commenting on this story, even though I've been following it very closely the whole time you were writing it!

      This was one of the most amazing applications of OC ponies I have ever seen. You write excellent characters and dialogue, and I thoroughly enjoyed the story!

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    100. Loved how this story ended, this has been my favorite story for the last few weeks. Ive been checking anxiously every day for the next update.

      can't wait for your next piece

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    101. Wow, i really liked this story. It was fun to read.
      Great job with "capture" their feelings.

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    102. Now that is a fanfic folks great read.

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    103. Loved this story, probably one of, if not the best fanfiction from this fandom. Considering too that this is your first (I think I read that), you show serious talent and I can't wait for more.

      The ending didn't feel as powerful as the rest though for me, was still good though.

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    104. Again, let me state that I am honored and humbled by the praise from all of you. I'm taking the weekend to recharge some, and get caught up on some of the other fanfics written by the brony community. If anyone has a title or two they heavily recommend, please pass it on; I've had my head a little too focused on what I was doing to keep up on what others have been writing, so I sure would appreciate some suggestions for me to spend some time reading.

      @GameBird
      As I'm (hopefully understandably) a bit leery about leaving my email address out where it can be picked up by anything (ie spam bots and the likes), I would suggest taking a quick minute to create an account on fanfiction.net, and use that to send me a Personal Message there? Or, if you have someplace that I can drop you a line at, please let me know. :)

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    105. Absolutely fantastic, Loved it from start to finish. Great work, especially for a first fic, keep up the good work. :D

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    106. I loved the characters you made, they really had a good unique feel to them, and the story felt like it was a few episodes of the show put together.

      But...I don't know, I don't know if I liked it. I wanted to like the story, but it just didn't click with me. As I was reading it I surprisingly found myself bored, I don't know what I didn't particularly like, I just...didn't like it too much.

      Sorry, but this brony is moving on from this fic, it just didn't hit my sweet spot...

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    107. A fantastic series that's so well written that it could be turned into actual episodes.

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    108. I could almost see the Epilogue in my mind. You've done well.

      Thank you for taking the time not only to write it, but to write it the correct way, if that makes sense.

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    109. excelent story but I agree that the ending lacked something, still awesome story.

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    110. I wrote a huge, elaborative comment about the story in general and the ending, and my internet connetion crushed. Sweet like hell.

      So, AGAIN, I simply need to comment it.

      First of all, thank You very much for writing this - its was entertaining from the very beginning to the very end. I laughed, I shed manly tear, I enjoyed myself during the entire story. I grow to like your very own characters, and its hard not to - they are all well made, with unique personalities and characteristics, and relations between all of them and Moonbe... I mean, Luna, are simply perfect.

      As I wrote before, I loved how each chapter felt like a real episode - entire story is written in spirit of the series, it is one of the biggest reason, why it is so Enjoyable, and why I love it so much!

      Now, when the story is concluded and closed, I can tell that I am content, yet not fully. What strikes me here is radical changing of pace - Up to, lets say, chapter 7 everything is going in a slow pace, giving reader time to get into it, see how everything works and give YOU time to build up realiable relationships and emotions. Last two chapters, good as they are, seemed a little too rushed for my taste, making everything happen simply too fast in comparision to the rest of the story.

      Also, about the ending. Don't get me wrong I like it as it complement the story well and is simply well written. But, well, it was kind of a cliche, where all the characters *use all we've learnt so far to defeat any obstacle!* - I get it, it works, but well, for some reasons I expected something different ;)

      All in all, great Fic, a rare jewel among Fics to bo honest, and I am going to recommend it to anypony. Hope to see more of your Writing soon, as soon as possible!

      About recommendations, when I am on it:
      - Paradise - it is still in progress, but it is well written and have exceptional idea behind the story.

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    111. Great job Laurence. That was an awesome story =3

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    112. In chapter 7 was that a homestuck reference going on with that one guest needing a bunch of towels

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    113. loved the story, but there's something about the end I didn't like as much... either way amazing fanfic; now go write some more :)

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    114. Yay! It's done! I've been waiting to read this for a while now.

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    115. Wow, that was one of the best stories on ED I have ever read!

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    116. Wow, finally finished. I can't not explain how long I've been waiting for this.

      This story is absolutely fantastic in every way. I will definitly be waiting for whatever else this author creates.

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    117. I don't have much to say, other then that this is probably my favourite normal fic so far. It is so refreshing to read one where nopony gets hurt, and its just about every day life in Ponyville, for the most part. As I stated before, as far as I am concerned you didn't write a word to many. I enjoyed this immensely, and I will be looking forward to more of your work.

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    118. Together with "Paradise" the best fic i ever stumbled across. Read and finished it in one go (~4-5 hours) and i'm glad that i discovered it just yesterday - otherwise the tension awaiting a new chapter would have been killing me ;).
      Thanks again for this nice piece of fanfic. Smooth character development and a hearthwarming way of storytelling.
      Keep up the good work!

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    119. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    120. This was my very first fanfic read and my god did this made me more happy and entranced then i have been in days, if you find it a complement i couldnt wait to get home from work to finish this! i was so glad for the ending yet sad for finishing, bravo Laurence bravo. i cant wait for whatever you create next (PS i also loved the detail you did put into the farming and hotel chapters even if long i loved it all :D)

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    121. I really enjoyed this story -- this is one of my favorite fanfics to date. I especially liked how you cleverly incorporated so many elements from so many episode into this plot -- some of which had to have been done after you'd already begun writing.

      Keep up the good work -- I look forward to reading other stories.

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    122. Finally, it was finished. I've spent all day reading it on and off (need to give my eyes a rest from the computer screen after all). This was very well crafted, and I love the idea of Earth ponies having a sort of magic too. There were a few repeated words here and there, and a couple times that grammar failed, but other than that, I found no fault with it.

      I thoroughly enjoyed this.

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    123. I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed this :)

      well done!

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    124. Whew, finally got that read. I liked it. It did get slow at times, but definitely enjoyed the ending. And... is it weird for me to say that I found my heart racing when the time of Luna's reveal was approaching?

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    125. This was a great read. I even liked all the detail in the farming scenes. I don't usually read a lot of fanfiction with OC ponies, but yours were so well charactered it may persuade me to give others a chance.

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    126. Best fanfic iv ever read
      I relay enjoyed the whole story, didn't mind for one bit about the long farming scenes, I liked the detail :P

      I hope to possibly tune into another one of your stories

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    127. I loved this. I really liked all the characters and they fit the setting very well.

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    128. It just occurred to me that Luna's temporary cutie mark rather accurately reflected her temporary destiny. Was that deliberate?

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    129. @LordOfTheWrongs

      Yes! I was wondering how long it would take for somebody to notice that. Award yourself one baked good of your choice for your perceptiveness! :)

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    130. Thank you for a wonderful and engaging story! I read it from start to finish in the course of a few hours and found it to be fun and very interesting.

      I criticize not as a means to put you down, but as a means to help you improve.

      First, your world building was fine. The details weren't over-bearing, and the way it was handled was nicely done.

      Second, a few spots of minor errors in sentence structure took me out of the immersion that your style of writing had drawn me into. Simple proofreading can help fix that.

      Again, thanks for writing this. Well done.

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    131. *Finisheshes reading the story* *pictures luna singing the hannah montana song "the other side of me"* 'nuff said.

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    132. Curse you for making my emotions swing right along with Luna's.

      In other words: very good writing, enjoyed the story thoroughly. Here's hoping for more from you I guess.

      Hmm. I do wonder if I should draw Luna as Moonbeam?

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    133. HOW IS THIS NOT 6-STAR!!! I loved this. Makes me wish these characters also existed in the series. Very well done. Will read again.

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    134. Very nice... Got a little boring in chapters 7/8 and for some reason I was hoping for a darker ending in chapter 10... But other than those couple of my personal issues with this story, I found this very enjoyable. Very well written.

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    135. Dewdrop. Works at the inn. Oh my Celestia, it hurts! XD Russian pony ftw. Pinkie song!

      Your original characters are all great. Their interactions with each other and the mane cast are totally believable and help fill out Ponyville's population! Your Luna is great; heck, even your Celestia is great (the scene with her at Twilight's was so touching).

      Adding in THE Running of the Leaves was clever. That and the mention parasprites makes everything feel like it was really taking place during the show, and I love the interconnectedness of life in Ponyville that these scenes are bringing out. Also, the sense that the mane cast are NOT the center of said life, just somewhat visible.

      Trollmare Moon is a good touch. XD I got a slight feeling of trepidation when Haystack asked Pinkie Pie if she was good with knives. EPIC SONG TIME. I wish I could hear this!

      Good Rarity writing, she's being all generous and stuff. Hoity Toity's entourage is something else, although I expected them to be abrasive from the get-go. The bee! The swinger! Amazing chaos. The Dewdrop/Haystack plotline worked like a charm, I had kind of suspected from the beginning.

      Seeing Nightmare Moon linger after Luna left the dream was the most sinister thing ever. The ending of chapter 9 was awesomely exciting! (This is why I don't read incompletes.) I am really impressed with how all four of Luna's friends have talents that helped them out in the end.

      This was a fantastic read! I hope you don't mind my extremely disjointed comments, they're mostly just stream of consciousness as I read the whole thing. I will now compare this to the only other Luna-centric fic I have read and say that Moonbeam presents a heartfelt and sentimental counterpoint to the madcap zaniness of the Progress series. 5 stars!

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    136. How is this not 6 stars?

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    137. This is the best thing I've read in ages! Varied, interesting, carefully intertwined with the show... And really sweet!

      I can't tell whether it lessens or strengthens my manhood to have read something this sweet and enjoyed the hell out of it.

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    138. I really loved this story, its my favorite pony fic of all the ones iv read.

      It just pulled me in, with deep interesting characters, interesting and engagin stories with a anding that got me all emotional.

      I could go on and on over it but people have already said all i ever could say and said it better.

      So i will just post a link to the silly fan-drawing i did just for fun and appreciation of the story.

      http://www.ponychan.net/chan/art/src/130849877900.png

      Its far from the greatest thing ever, but its something i spent most of my weekend on and actually got me quite engage in making. Might work on it some more when i can.

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    139. @Zonra
      Oh, wow! Excellent picture, thank you very much! I think you did a great job on all the ponies, but I especially love how you drew Luna as Moonbeam; from the nervous/bashful look to her cutie mark, and having the pouch with the moonstone next to her is the perfect capstone.

      Would it be okay for you to put a link to this picture in my ff.net author profile?

      Thank you again!
      --Laurence Brown

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    140. @Laurence Brown

      Feel free too, have uploaded it to furaffinity too, as the ponychan link might not be around forever being an imagebord, and thus might bet droped after some time.

      http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5962328/

      And im really happy you like the image :D

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    141. Woo-hoo! After a few hours of back to back reading I've managed to finish this. This was a really nice surprise to catch especially since Luna is awesome!

      5/5 for a good entertainment.

      Now if I had to point anything out, I personally would've liked to have seen Luna's transformation back to normal done somewhat differently. Something about it didn't feel entirely in flow with how Luna was being presented to us.

      I've had my share of "D'aawwwww" sad Luna stories, but here she's gaining confidence and strength. Just a bit werid to see if crumble so harshly the way it did, especially with the fight against NightMare Moon.

      Thanks for writing!

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    142. I feel priviledged to have read this. I can't convey properly how happy I am that you have been able to produce something this great. Thank you. Also, if you were to create a sequel to this like the one you have added as a potential follow up on your main page I would be behind you all the way. Your work is fantastic and the characters are great fun to read about. Even if I don't normally like OCs xD

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    143. @Escher what are you reffering to? is it the charlie danials song or something else?

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    144. tyson...

      Nothing complicated. It's just the old inn name pun:

      Dew Drop Inn... Do drop in!

      (as in visit... "if you're in the area, do drop in...")

      Old pun is OLD.

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    145. I just spent the good part of the day reading this. 'Amazingly fantastic' seems like to weak a phrase!

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    146. The second story only just got up here?

      Either way its pretty good, I liked it.

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    147. omg new stroy omg omg omg yessssssssssssssssssssssssss

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    148. A second story?

      MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!!

      (You know, the original was the first pony fanfic I ever read. Still one of my favorites.)

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    149. GASP!

      Excuse me while I squeal like a little girl.

      Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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    150. I will now respond to this update in the words of Twilight Sparkle:

      YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES...!

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    151. Wow, I just read through this fic less than a week ago. Yay for unexpectedly good timing.

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    152. A part 2?! Story 1 is one of the first fanfics I read.

      *Sees that story 2 has 4 chapters* "Eeeeeee!" :D

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    153. Ok. I knew that Part 2 was coming along, because he said that he would work on that next. However, I was happily surprised when I opened up the new chapter in Part 2 and found out it was a 4-parter. Happy times were had by all involved.

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    154. More Moonbeam? This is the best day EVER!

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    155. Wow! Thank you all for the kind words! I hope I can live up to your expectations. =)

      If you have any comments, feedback, criticisms, or questions, please feel free to leave them here or, if you'd rather be more private in what you have to say, send me your thoughts in an E-mail to [email protected] I'll do my best to respond in a timely manner.

      Again, thank you for the warm welcome. Time for me to get to work on the next chapter!

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    156. Ah, I don't really have much to add to what I've said before. I enjoyed the first four chapters just as much as the first story. Moonbeam is back, and its just as good as it was before.

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    157. Awesome job on this story! I love seeing stories that do a good job with worldbuilding, like explaining how the mills work and the idea of earth pony magic, and you did a great job of it! I also loved how you referenced different episodes, it really helps the story flow and gives a good idea of time passing. Great story!

      If there's anything I'd critizise, it would be the whole ruins/final NMM showdown scene. It was well-written, it just seemed so...different from the rest of the fic. I'm more irked at myself for not really being able to pin down what about it bugged me, but it really seemed like a whole different story. I loved the closure and epilogue, you did a great job wrapping up what you needed to, while keeping it open enough that it felt like life kept moving on afterwards, you really nailed that slice-of-life feel that the actual show has to it.

      And I'm loving the 2nd story too! I love what a great job you're doing, especially with the little subtle love story you're working in. It works so naturally, not the harlequin novel style of romance usually seen in fics. As much as I want to see them get together now, you're doing an awesome job of tantalizingy wait and slowly work them together.

      One last thing, how long is the second story planned out for? If I had to hazzard a guess, I'd say slightly shorter than the first, maybe eight or nine chapters. However long it turns out to be, I'm hooked!

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    158. WOW! Trevor just finished Moonbeam, and is highly impressed! Thank you for making a second story to go with this, as Trevor might have never found this fic otherwise! THANK YOU! 8D

      ~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

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    159. XD Trevor can't remember the last time two small words made him crack up as hard as reading 'oh dear'. XD That was good...

      ~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

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    160. MORE moonbeam?
      Can life get any better? I submit that it CANNOT!

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    161. god i love this celestia is such a troll

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    162. Cool, Moonbeam was one of the first MLP-FF I have ever read, and now there is a sequel with already 4 chapters :-) (I nearly missed 2-4, because I expected only 1, but the comments here helped a lot :-)).

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    163. MOAR! Trevor must haz moar! PLEASE! It makes Trevor so happy to read this! It's like Luna vs. Progress, but different! (ot sure which one is better, if one had to chose, which just goes to show how good this is! Please keep up the hard work! We want chapters, but we don't want to rush quality either!)

      ~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

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    164. @Jmaster: Actually, this is going to be the biggest story I've ever written. I didn't want to write a sequel to Moonbeam until I had what I felt was a good enough story. Along the way, I did collect some small, side arc things I wanted to do if I could (for example, what happened to poor Twilight in the first two chapters). Finally, I (obviously) came up with something that I liked, and then I saw what side arc things I could add to it without forcing them in (there are actually a few that didn't make the cut). Long story short, expect this thing to be in the neighborhood of 25 chapters.

      @TGaP Trevor: Trust me, quality is the number one thing on my mind =) So far, it's taking me on average a week or so to knock out a chapter and get it cleaned up enough with the help of my pre-reader.

      And again, thank you everyone for your kind words. They certainly help keep me inspired (and help me ignore the siren's call of Heroes of Might and Magic VI. For the most part =P).

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    165. First of all love the new story, a worthy successor to Moonbeam. Catches the mood of the show extremely well with the added bonus of a longer, connected storylines! While single slice of life episodes are nice, having longer story arcs are even better.

      For some reason it really bugs me that Celestia came up with this nice solution for Luna's friends to come visit, yet for her protege who would clearly like to see her more often she doesn't. They should all make the weekly trip together Celestia, a perfect solution!

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    166. *looks at the letter Marigold wrote*

      Uh-oh. I smell an unexpected, unwanted, and unpleasant family reunion in Pine Needle's future. Does make me wonder, though - what would cause Pine Needle to leave home without letting them know where he's going? Perhaps a betrothal that he wasn't interested in?

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    167. YUSNESS! Can't wait for the next chapter! The dinner was great, moar info on Pine Needle was great, Luna being mostly social was great, pretty much everything! Thanks for sharing this story with Trevor!

      ~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

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    168. As with others I'm intrigued with whats going on with Pine Needle and his family. One of the somewhat rare stories to capture me with so many OC ponies being in the spolight.

      You definitely made a mistake in this one line: "her sister would rather be back home with a book AND TWILIGHT" There you go FIFY
      I shall ever be a proponent of that relationship, Celestia needs friends too after all!

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    169. This story is really great. Despite being mostly slice of life and really long, it never gets boring or tedious. Also heartening to see that this level of quality can come from a fist time author.

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    170. i decided at 1 am to read the first chapter to give this story a shot and then head to sleep, i just finished chapter four and i can't stop reading this

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    171. YAY CHAPTER! 8D Thanks for the update! Certainly helped make Monday seem less dreary!

      ~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

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    172. What, there's a second story? Why did I not know about this?!

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    173. At least we do know now, why Blueblood was in such a bad temper at the gala – getting the mitten by a princess ;-) (but he was not wrong on how politics works at the end….)

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    174. Laurence, are you still working on Phases of the Moon? I hope so, because Moonbeam is one of my favourite stories, and I've been enjoying Phases of the Moon so far.

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    175. @Sigma
      Indeed I am. I apologize for the very VERY long delay, but that evil known as Real Life has been a very large hindrance lately, both in things good (the holiday season) and not so good (my dad going through open heart surgery, and the long and trying recovery he had from that). However, now that both of those reasons are over with, I'll be getting back to writing again without the stress of helping out my family with celebrations or emergency room trips.

      Again, thank you everyone for your patience, and I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season.

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    176. @Laurence Brown
      It's good to hear that you're still working on Phases of the Moon, but not so good to hear the circumstances surrounding the break. I apologise if I caused any offence.

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    177. @Sigma

      No offense taken at all, in fact quite the opposite. It's very motivating to hear that even after a long, unannounced, and unexplained absence that others still want to read my work in progress, so thank you very much for that.

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    178. You have no idea how excited I was to see the notification for a Moonbeam sequel. :D This was one of the earliest fics I ever read, especially considering how much I enjoyed it, and as my memories of the excellent characters return to me, I just can't wait to see what they've been up to. Not to mention, how you reconcile this with Luna Eclipsed, bane of S1 Luna fics everywhere.

      And we start with that bane of sequels everywhere, the recap. Useful, I suppose, given the time since Moonbeam was released, but... darnit, I still remember everything! It kind of hurts. :/

      One thing I remember now is that this was a big shaper in my mind of earth pony magic, a concept I've seen a lot in my recent readings. I wonder if you inspired anyone else.

      And this first scene with Nightmare Moon is where things start getting interesting. I won't lie: that opening was somewhat dull.

      Something could go wrong! It could be the basis for a whole story! EPIC FACEPALM. I'll level with ya: that feels just the slightest bit contrived.

      More recapping? I hope you don't do this with every chapter...

      This... this story can be resolved by pooping. ._. I DO NOT EVEN. JUST WAIT 24 HOURS, TWILIGHT.

      Horses can't vomit... please tell me this is a plot point...

      Yes, let it work its way through! There's no need for panic or even rigamarole! THINK TWILIGHT

      This story is now about Twilight taking a dump. I wish it was presented with a little more humor.

      Pinkie doesn't sound very Pinkie. I mean, "overwhelm any lingering worries she might have"? Not to mention she's been pretty subdued this entire time.

      Kind of wish we'd seen that dream.

      This is grody as hell. D: Seriously, Pinkie? Seriously? That last line was terrible.

      Well, now that's over. I'm kind of glad for it, it wasn't terribly enthralling. So far the one scene with Nightmare Moon has been the most interesting occurrence, and since the current problem has resolved itself, I'm hoping that will come into play. It's the one element so far that keeps these first two chapters from feeling like a self-contained story. That said, I have to ask why all the attention -- the disgusting, disgusting attention -- was placed on this happening. The entire thing feels contrived, as I said, and so far I have no idea where this is going. I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt because Moonbeam was so good, but right now this sequel doesn't hold up to it.

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    179. Splitting these up somewhat arbitrarily because character limits.

      AHHH why are there still poop jokes?

      At this point, I went back and looked at the comments since this second story was posted. It seems there's something worth reading, so I'll forge ahead. And Feather Down is putting this back on the right track. I like how she could tell that Celestia doesn't use her bed much, good detail. The stuff about Dewdrop and Haystack is surprising. I hope to find out more about that later on.

      This is again a new take on Luna, that she can't just up and resume her duties from a thousand years ago. Heck, that she had duties other than just raising the moon. That's not something that's ever really touched on.

      Oh heck, Celestia's pulling another Grand Galloping Gala, isn't she? ISN'T SHE? I like her line about keeping the nobles away from the workponies.

      So I guess I'm back into this. I now have to question whether those first two chapters were necessary at all. I have to imagine what happened will have some kind of bearing on what comes next, but right now? It's like, "Why did I have to go through that? This is the real story!"

      Ohh, I sense shenanigans impending.

      Oh Trollestia, what are you doing? XD There's an "if" that should be "it" in "If doesn't matter how polite".

      Wait, is this prior to the GGG? I'm still envisioning S2 Luna, but they said only a few months had passed since the last story, so I'm not sure what the timeline is now.

      Severe etiquette regarding unicorn magic at formal functions? Also a theme I've dealt with. :D

      More good insight from Celestia about how ponies regard them.

      Feather Down continues to amuse. And that scene with the fashion ponies was quite interesting. The dinner is pleasant and it's nice to see things going well for a change. Not to mention Pine Needle's background is now intriguing me as much as it is Feather Down. Ooh, and things are promising to be very... promising. Not just with Pine Needle, but with that little nagging scene that I now know IS part of something greater. :3 The scope of this feels as though it's panning out for quite the ride.

      Hah! Not enough is ever made of Fluttershy's short-lived modeling career.

      Oops, there's a "tress" that oughta be "trees". (I'm in chapter 6, btw.)

      Luna's little speech to her sister is pretty amazing. The whole noble authority thing is interesting, as well.

      All right, chapter 7, I'm now wishing there was more. D: I do hope RL doesn't do too badly by you, I wish you the best of luck, really.

      Wow, Blueblood doing useful things? Excellent. I take it he's not related to them in this fanon, then?

      I like that little bit about ponies talking about Dewdrop and Feather Down.

      The unraveling of Trollestia begins! I wonder where this little plot thread is going to go...

      Oh god, that last bit from Celestia. XD I'm very excited by the prospects of this assembly. I think it's my love of courtroom drama, though this is somewhat removed from an actual trial.

      So I'm glad I gave chapter 3 a try; this has been most pleasant and removed all my fears from the first two chapters. I still question what, exactly, was the purpose of all that nonsense, but I think it's easy enough to just sweep it under the rug and enjoy what is going on. I think I shall enjoy the remainder as well, and I look forward to it! Also, apologies for the slew of random comments, but that's what I do. I mean, I apologized last time, but that was utterly coherent compared to this mishmash. <.< Anyway.

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    180. Laurence, thanks for continuing with Phases of the Moon despite your hardships. Chapter 8 flowed on perfectly from chapter 7. Looking forward to reading future chapters!

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    181. Wow. I finished Moonbeam some time ago; I had no idea there was a sequel! Now I get to read it all at once!

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    182. And now I've read it all and I'm sad :C

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    183. So THAT'S why Luna wasn't at Gala in Season 1.

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    184. Look, it's a nice story and all ( The original Moonbeam), but from the chapter where Luna/Moonbeam got the job...you kind of failed to keep my attention. So I stopped.

      There weren't much to keep me interested from then. I'm sorry, but that's how I felt.

      Thank you.

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    185. Laurence, sorry to ask this again, but are you still working on / plan to continue Phases of the Moon?

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    186. @Sigma
      Yes I am. RL was fairly hard on me the last couple of months health wise, but I am doing better now. The hard part has been getting my motivation back after being so ill for so long. The good news is that I have small amounts of progress on the next chapter the last couple of days, so hopefully I'll be able to get back into the full swing of things soon.

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    187. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    188. Once again Laurence, thank you for continuing to write this despite your real-life issues.
      Chapter 11 picked up perfectly from Chapter 10 - you would not have known that there were a few months between the two chapters.

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    189. And with this latest chapter done, and already starting on the next one, I feel safe in saying that I AM BACK, BABY! WOOHOO!

      Many thanks to everyone who sent me well wishes, and who has also maintained interest in my story. I'll do my best to make sure I don't let you down.

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    190. Third time lucky, I hope.
      Laurence, are you still working on Phases of the Moon?

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