Thursday, August 30, 2012

Story: Those Blue Wings (Update Complete!)

[Shipping]

Author: Tchernobog
Description: A short trip to Canterlot with Rainbow Dash and Applejack is the perfect opportunity for Twilight to test out her new long-distance Teleportation spell. But a nasty cold dashes the hopes of a quick trip, and makes the spell disappear in smoke: instead of arriving in Canterlot, the three find themselves in the nearby Everfree Forest, and discover that their location is not the only thing that went wrong.
While Rainbow has exchanged her wings and tail for a straw blond frond, Applejack has acquired a rainbow tail as well as a pair of strong, blue wings. 

While Twilight attempts to find a spell to return the body parts to their rightful owners, the others must attempt to deal with this situation... and with their changing feelingss
Those Blue Wings (New Part 15)

Additional Tags: Spell gone wrong, sneezing, mixed bodies


Fan Art

Source

Source

Source


Source

124 comments:

Kroezan said...

Could be interesting... will read

Infinite Black said...

Ahh appledash, so cute.

TheIdlingRev said...

Should I assume the spell mixup is Twilight's fault?

Undercover Brony said...

One of these days somebody is going to write a fic where Twilight casts a teleport spell WITHOUT sending everyone to an alternate dimension/swapping bodies/etc. etc.

DPV111 said...

Lol t his being the post after Of Two Minds :MMiM comletes.

Infinite Black said...

Ha! The day where all twilight's speels go correctly... can anypony say 'Twilight Zone' (sorry couldn't resist)

Infinite Black said...

@Infinite Black
Speels = spells, stupid spelling errors

wackyteen said...

well, that was good.

I'll have to read the updates to get a true feeling for the rating, but 3/5 for now.

Magical Trevor said...

Pretty good so far. Trevor is intrigued as to how this story will progress... (Not to mention the disappointment of having missed the Wonderbolts, letting family down by not showing, ect.) Can't wait for the next chapter! 8D

~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

Elrond said...

The last sentence has me wanting more :D and the story as a whole of course. Looks good so far 4/5 right now, will have to se how the story progresses :)

TenchiFreak5 said...

This is an interesting premise for what I assume is an AppleDash, but something about the way the events in the story progress just seems off in some way. I can't place it, though.

wackyteen said...

my only real complaint is that it's appledash, which is the most overused pairing in the history of this fandom.

Yay295 said...

INCOMPLETE! Why you do this to me! D':

TenchiFreak5 said...

@wackyteen

You say that like it is a bad thing.

wackyteen said...

@TenchiFreak5

It's not... really...

I love shipping, but seeing this same pairing over and over gets old.

NinesTempest said...

@wackyteen
The best pairing never gets old >:C

wackyteen said...

@NinesTempest

I like AppleDash but TwiDash takes top for me.

AppleDash would come in... like... 3rd for me, cause I've read like one AppleDash fic that I really really really liked. the others i liked.

every TwiDash I've read I've enjoyed, thoroughly.


sorry. =|

KTS said...

Of two minds is what I was thinking. But Applejack and Rainbow Dash switching bodies would be fun.

wackyteen said...

@NinesTempest

what was your favorite AppleDash fic?

Unknown said...

How is this shipping?

Logan Warner said...

Dammit Twilight! You need to get Trixie to cast a remove curse spell on you if you plan on using big spells in fanfics!

wackyteen said...

@Unknown

it's an incomplete and I suspect the author is going to use the downtime between Twilight resting, the fact Dash was staring at AJ's flank, and various other reasons to ship AJ and Dash together...

terrycloth said...

Isn't this *why* she learned a failsafe spell? Although if her magic's still going haywire maybe casting it isn't the best idea.

...and it didn't work against Discord.

...and she couldn't get a bead on Smartypants to use it in Lesson Zero.

I think she needs a failsafe grenade or something.

Adam Crocker said...

@terrycloth

...I am now writing a Monty Python pastiche in my mind... O_O

TenchiFreak5 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mint Jelly said...

to be honest, the writing style in this story seems a little sub par for EqD to post. Over all the story needs a bit of refinement. Personal opinion of course.

Melodia said...

*sigh*

Yet ANOTHER who somehow thinks you can get a cold so easily by it being, well, cold.

DPV111 said...

This will probably be AJ x Spitfire and RD x Macintosh.

Bronyboi said...

i had this same idea for a season 3 opener @-@

Zeta64 said...

Tittle: Those blue wings
Image: looks Suspicious...
mmh...
*le rasins face* WINGBONER!!!

Ergo Cogito said...

It has a few cliches, but I like it! I did not notice it was incomplete, though. So just another story to wait on. T_T

Runeplay2 said...

LAWL Rainbow Dash staring at her own flank... hilarious. Then again, I go "dat flank" whenever I see Fluttershy, so... RD's is probably more tone. Whatever!

Tchernobog said...

Hello all! Author here. Thanks for the comments :)
I'm pretty much writing this as I go (though I do have an overall idea of what I'm doing with the story. Just need to work out some finer details).

That certainly isn't an image I'd have chosen for this story, but short of getting something drawn by someone, it'll work :D

Now for a few responses!

I fully admit the setting may be a bit "contrived". Not sure it could be resolved without resorting to a Fallout-equestria length fic (and I just don't tend to write that long :P). Yes, the "spell gone wrong" and "dash loses wings" thing is a tad overused, but I'm hoping that the differences here are significant enough to garner interest!

@ Mint Jelly: I'd argue I've seen "worse" on some posts here, but likely more due to lack of prereaders/grammatical errors in them. As mentioned above, I fully agree that the story may seem a tad contrived. I pretty much came up with this a couple days ago and jotted down what came to mind :) I might do revisions later on, though. Feedback always welcome :)

So, anyone know an artist willing to make a pic for this? XD

Thanks all for reading!

Impulse said...

Am I the only one who likes AppleDash stories because I like the pairing? I've seen alot of "most over-used pairing in the fandom" comments, and I don't really catch their drift?
Great story by the way, can't wait to see how this turns out!

DPV111 said...

@Tchernobog

I'd say you should use this existing image:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pk9TvHjoMIg/TcBR6CrkzxI/AAAAAAAAEEs/0x1FcSuPuy4/s1600/AppleDash_Rainbowjack.png

Not sure who the original creator was since Ponibooru is f*NEIGH*de right now.

Tchernobog said...

@DPV111

Damn, that's indeed much closer! Though still not quite the scene I have in mind :x

Hagil said...

Maybe seeing the image first contaminated my view, but from the descriptions in the story that top image seems to be exactly what you described - Applejack with blue wings and a rainbow tail and Rainbow Dash with Applejack's tail. Either way, it was the image that drew me.

I don't read much shipping so not sure how much I'll like it once this story hits that point but so far, so good!

TenchiFreak5 said...

Whatever niggling feeling had been bothering me for the first chapter is no longer there (in fact, the second chapter seemed to be the superior one in many ways), so I'll add this to my list of stuff I'll keep my eye on.

Unknown said...

I believe that "Twilight messes up a spell" should have it's own tag and also be considered it's own genre now.

wackyteen said...

This is definitely... a bit more interesting than the first chapter. 3.5/5 stars, if this was on fimfiction. 3/5 here.

Tchernobog said...

@Hagil
I commissioned the image (which turned out even better than I imagined) as I felt people could have gotten the wrong idea from the initial one. Seems like it was a good idea :)

@TenchiFreak5
I agree chapter 2 is superior. #1 is more of a setting of the, well, setting. #2 expands on it further :)

Thanks all for reading! :D

John said...

The picture is what really caught my eye here...very well written (it seems body swap stories are usually written with AppleDash for some reason).

*Gets to the end of chapter 2* Well, that's Trollestia for you...

Wheeljack said...

@DPV111

That one was already used for "To Trot a Mile In Another's Hooves".

Tosxychor said...

The writing was a bit plain for these first two chapters, but the promises seem interesting, so I'm definitely eager to see what happens next!

A solid 4 star, for interesting setup, overall good characterization, and nice pace of events.

Magical Trevor said...

Dear Twilight Sparkle:

I'm a Biatch that likes asking of others like bananas! Therefore, I leave the task up to you, knowing that it'll be days or longer before you're healthy enough to actually cast anything, and until then, your friends will have to suffer! Your mentor, Princess Trollestia.

p.s. Trolololol. U mad, pony?

~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria

brony hooves said...

just finished reading this story and i think it is very good i have not read a body swap fanfic yet and i think this was a good one to read as my first... it was a very good storey and i toughly enjoyed it good job :)

Pitch said...

you say this like its a foreign concept. SHUN THE NON BELIVER!!!@wackyteen

Lunavia said...

I approve of the direction of this story.

mrsteroids said...

i just want to read moar now >_>

jayessell said...

So... Twilight's teleportation uses wormholes?

I thought it would be she grabs a chunk of space
and exchanges it with the space she's occupying.

Mr.Brony said...

It's worth reading, not mind blowing, but still good. Hope the next chapter comes out soon.

DPV111 said...

Pretty fun read and enjoying it quite a bit. Would have preferred and actually expected more focus on RD and AJ shenanigans. And hopefully once the shipping comes in it keeps pace with the overall light tone of the story, rather than turning into a mush fest. I don't mind shipping one bit as long as the shippy parts don't clash with the overall story. It's about the story after all.

Tchernobog said...

@DPV111

I think you'll enjoy the next chapter, then. I just don't feel like jumping right into things works well for pacing, and I guess a bit of..explanation? Backstory? Is in order. I think that's what chapter 3 ended up being.

Doc Steedly said...

Thank you for using google docs n.n I can't wait to read this n.n

Gallant Vision said...

Oh man, this is a great story! I can't wait for the next chapter!

And in reference to Twilight's findings in the third chapter: DRILLING HOLES through SPACE AND TIME? How does that sound familiar? XD

DPV111 said...

@Tchernobog

I think you're doing a great job at actually putting a fresh spin on AppleDash.
Personally I have to slightly struggle to keep this storyy cohesive in my head since I have lately had all my headcannon for these characters completely consumed by http://askapplejackandrainbowdash.tumblr.com/

Tchernobog said...

@DPV111

Can't say I blame you there, that tumblr is beyond adorable :)

@Gallant Vision

@Gallant Vision

Honestly, considering unicorn horns? A drill isn't much of a stretch ;) I wasn't particularly trying to refer to anything though.

Jordan said...

This should be an actual episode

mrsteroids said...

heck yea! an update!

MaSc said...

best chapter, until now :D

Tchernobog said...

@MaSc

Considering it's a bath scene, how can it *not* be? ;)

Carla M. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Urthdigger said...

The latest chapter had me grinning from ear to ear. RD's tickle revenge was hilarious (For some reason I never thought of someone taking advantage of knowledge about their own body for a body swap story before). Also, yay wingboners.

Runeplay2 said...

The end to chapter four... I couldn't help but stop laughing. Really, that was just hilarious!

AlanJCastonguay said...

Wingboner Amanda. Wingboner!

DPV111 said...

BATH TIME SHENANIGANS!

Anyway, great chapter although it seemed a little bite sized.

I wonder if RD's discovered AJ's prehensile tail yet?

TenchiFreak5 said...

This was the best chapter of the story, if only because of the Apple family reactions in the very last seen (and there was so much more to like about it as well. Tickle revenge!).

TenchiFreak5 said...

This is getting better and better as the chapters roll one. You really seem to have gotten into the groove, so to speak.

DPV111 said...

Good character development.
Liking this story more ever chapter.
I'd personally prefer a slightly lighter tone and a bit more comedy but that's just me.

RisingStar said...

When was this last uypdated? Because I love it. But I love most fics.

Tchernobog said...

@RisingStar

Yesterday, as a matter of fact!

DPV111 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DPV111 said...

You have inspired a new term for MLP:FiM fics updates: Eeyupdates!

Northwest Brony said...

I can't wait for the next update :D

mrsteroids said...

oh shhh yea! an update

SuperUnknown1O1 said...

I don't know about the rest of y'all, but it seems to me that chapter 6 was cut short :S

It didn't seem to have much of a chapter closure at all. Am I crazy?

Tchernobog said...

@SuperUnknown1O1

Maybe a bit. I admit I'm totally coming up with most of this as I go along, none of this is really planned. I'm pretty much ending a chater where I feel it *can* be ended. In this case, I wanted to keep stuff for the next one!

RaenBoow said...

Seems funny but there is no comedy-tag O_o but there IS a "sneezing"-tag xD explain that or I will be FORCED to read this >8(

Tchernobog said...

@RaenBoow

Read it, young padawan, and all shall be explained >:D

RaenBoow said...

@Tchernobog
Even thou you posted that only about 15 min after my comment I'd started reading the first chapter almost immediatly.... the force of curiosoty being my guide already -_-
Now quietly meditating in awaital of chapter 7...

SuperUnknown1O1 said...

*does a voodoo rain-dance for chapter 7*

Imrix said...

It occurs to me that Rainbow Dash might have grounds to complain about Princess Celestia's ruling on this one. Sure, lesson for Twilight, great, but isn't it a bit unfair for Dash to suffer for the sake of Twilight's lesson? It's the sort of thing that deserves a mention in-story. Even if it's just to say why nopony is doing that, it's still good writing to at least acknowledge it.

Tchernobog said...

@Imrix

I was actually thinking about this myself today. I think what I have in mind will be satisfactory ;)

Braininthejar said...

Cutie Mark Failure Syndrome anyone?

TenchiFreak5 said...

I actually kinda figured that was what was going on with Rainbow, but I didn't think that it was so bad. Hm. Interested to see what happens there.

DPV111 said...

I was dissatisfied and frustrated by this chapter. I feel the last 2 chapters could easily have been combined into 1.

I still love the story and will continue reading. But if you are stretching small scenes like these into full chapters you may need to sit down and brainstorm a long term outline for the story so you can give it more meat.

Tchernobog said...

@DPV111

They may have been, yes. But I'm pretty much coming up with these ideas as I go, not writing things out in advance.
In fact, for this chapter, I had an initial plan that was very different and possibly would have ended the fic at chapter 7. But I changed it (I think for the better) to what we have no.

Plus, it's just my writing style. I find it rather hard to write really lengthy chapters, and I tend to stop a chapter where I feel a pause works best. I might tweak that when editing it once the fic is done, though :P

TenchiFreak5 said...

Oh shit. Pinkie's going to fix it?

Luminous said...

Into her own hooves? Uh oh!

Ragneki5880 said...

Can't believe I haven't commented on this yet. Been tracking for awhile and just gotta give you some props for this story. It's a nice read.

I also have to wonder how many ponies have written on teleportation if there is a wall of texts behind Twilight on the subject XD.

DPV111 said...

Awesome new chapter.
Still my favorite AppleDash story, which is saying A LOT considering I don't really like AppleDash.

gagarevolution said...

I love it! please release part 9 asap, I want to know what happens!!!! :D

DPV111 said...

Good, god, who's what element now? Pinkie seems to be honesty, Twilight seems to be loyalty, Fluttershy's generosity, Rarity's kindness, nopony's laughing and magic is what caused the mess in the first place!

ToonNinja said...

Pinkie... you... I... What the buck?

TenchiFreak5 said...

Lovely Pinkie writing in this chapter.

silentcarto said...

Tchernobog, a small, teeny tiny, insignificant correction:
"Fluttershy, ever the caring soul, had tried to breach the subject of... Applejack."
You breach a wall; you broach a subject.

Tchernobog said...

@silentcarto

Gah! Thanks, that slipped through D:

The Wandering Magus said...

pinkie the shipper... who would have guessed?

Braininthejar said...

After seeing the effects of Twilight's experiments, I had a brief vision of Dash getting disintegrated in the repair attempt and coming back as ponified Dr Manhattan. Reading fanfics must have twisted my mind...

macdjord said...

@Braininthejar

Please don't give him ideas. Tcher's cackling now.

-- Mac, the Prereader

SightlessOne said...

On chapter 10: Oh Luna, you're terrible... (Trolluna for the win !)

macdjord said...

@Braininthejar

See what you did now?

-- Mac, the Prereader

tchernobyl said...

@Braininthejar

I normally don't take random comment ideas, but... it was entirely too hard to resist, and fits really well regardless xD

TenchiFreak5 said...

Been a long time. A long time, since I've read a chapter in a story that gave me a big stupid grin as much as this one did.

metapsionic said...

I'm still loving it. The repressed feelings. Twilight trying oh-so-hard. And Luna having to struggle with her duties. Can't wait for the next chapter!

TenchiFreak5 said...

Awesome update. This is still progressing wonderfully.

DPV111 said...

Absolutely loved the new chapters. I made a longer post on FimFiction but I'll say again, the events were a little cliche, but you put so much symbolism, fanon logic and actual sensible IC (as IC as possible considering shipping) characterization into it that it comes of way more believable than it has any right to. Great job.

Braininthejar said...

@Undercover Brony

Well, no teleport mishaps in Dresden Fillies so far...

DPV111 said...

@Braininthejar

http://www.fimfiction.net/story/2944/Twilight-Performs-a-Spell-That-Goes-Just-Fine

metapsionic said...

Yay! Not only did they reconcile, they got together, and Twilight might have a cure ^_^ Can't wait for the next chapter!

metapsionic said...

Still entertaining, so adorable. And so is Luna. More please! Thanks for sharing!

TenchiFreak5 said...

And so it ends. Thanks for taking us along for the ride. This was a lovely story, and I loved the situations and characters you crafted in it. My only regret is that I can't think of any better way to praise it.

tchernobyl said...

@TenchiFreak5
D'aw ^^ Thank you! And thanks for reading! :)

Post a Comment