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Author: InsertAuthorHere
Description: At long last, Luna has found the perfect prank to outdo Celestia: turn her into a filly and stage a fake takeover of Equestria! That is, it would have been perfect were it not for that pesky fine print..My Little Alicorn
Bringing Up Blueblood
Waning Moon (New Story 3 Part 3!)
Additional Tags: Totally Unnecessary Sequel, Magic Kindergarten
531 comments:
I love this story. It's always the perfect swing between the princesses being comically and tragically overwhelmed by their situations.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm down to blame Pinkie with whatever goes wrong with the EoH.
Lol, i like the ED shout out in ch 5...
ReplyDeleteThis story is excellent and you should feel excellent.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see what happens next chapter. CLIFFHANGERS, WHY DO YOU TAUNT US SO?!
Interesting. I don't know if the author meant this, but at least I got the impression that Pinkie was using some sort of Jedi Mind Trick on the others to get them to swallow her obvious lie. I wonder what other dark secrets the Pies hold... and I hope we'll get a peek into them, being a Setec Astronomy sort of guy.
ReplyDeleteWoah... the damn thing was booby-trapped?!
ReplyDelete"There's been an accident, but I assure you both princesses are unharmed and we have our top ponies working to set things right."
"Who??"
"Top. Ponies."
@Fred M. Sloniker
"It was under E-ee!"
"It landed on my face when Rainbow Dash knocked me into the bookcase!"
It's not a mind trick... they're just used to her doing that.
Damn these cliffhangers leaving us wondering what happened, I must say though I've enjoyed this story so much and am eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
ReplyDeleteAlso I have a feeling the foal population of the royal palace just went up by seven, and just what dark secret is Pinkie hiding
*Gasp* What a twist!
ReplyDeleteCLIFFHANGER! ARGH!I have a feeling that Celestia is gone or an infant... oh gosh, this is bad...
ReplyDeleteWell I'm going to say it here that Celestia is sent to another dimension or something like that. Also Pinkie Pie just tell them what you ment by it won't work next time.
ReplyDeleteI have to say the Luna's Audiences in chapter 6were simply Hilarious!!
ReplyDeleteThat and Celestia cover in mud.
Awsome story!
And there's another one for the www.dramabutton.com
ReplyDeleteomg must know what up with pinkie
ReplyDeleteHere's betting that since Luna was on the far side of the room when the elements were activated (if I recall correctly), she remains an adult while the mane 6 are all made into little fillies. Can't wait for hilarity to ensue next chapter...
ReplyDeleteWait a minute...Kuchen? That was the name of that crazy pony who had written that evil spellbook?...Kuchen...And Pinkie's strange relation to him...HA! Now I get it! I must say, this is absolutely brilliant!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work.
Pinkie probably IS Kuchen, albeit one that's learned from "her" mistakes and is somewhat repentent and only wants to have fun.
ReplyDelete@ChevalierThorn
ReplyDeleteExplain it to the rest of the class?
@NotAGoodUsername360
ReplyDeleteGood lord, "Clue" movie references.
Pony shall invade EVERYTHING in all of human history.
@Discord
ReplyDeleteOh quit acting innocent. I've seen YOUR pr0n collection, you sick perv! All that Japanese stuff... good god! And there's no point denying it!
It's not like anyone's going to believe you anyway. Especially after all the negative propaganda stories we've created about you... Hail Celestia. >:3
@pg13fresno
ReplyDeleteWell well! It seems I'm better at dark magic than any silly pony! I said to myself back in chapter 6 that if they intended to use the Elements, or any other spell for that matter, I hoped they'd be smart enough to perform a scrying scan to be sure the incantation of the first spell was no longer present, lest it use to additional magic to reactivate!
And lo and behold! They didn't!
Even Celestia and Luna didn't realize they needed to perform that safeguard step! Which means only one thing...
I AM BEST PONY!! >:D
Glad to see this fic isn't dead yet, although you should probably fix chp. 6 & 7's link being close together like that.
ReplyDeleteHee hee....I kind of thought Luna's behavior in Luna Eclipsed was kind of like she was overcompensating...
@LordOfTheWrongs
ReplyDeleteGod I hope I'm wrong, but a Google search for kuchen reveals it's German for cake... Pinkie PIE... This might imply some sort of relation, but if so than that is some of the stupidest foreshadowing I've ever seen... ANYHOW, love the story so far.
@Tim Green
ReplyDeleteI think you ARE wrong.
Slightly.
To quote Back to the Future 3,
"The Browns came to America in 1908, and then they were the Von Brauns. My father changed our name in World War I!"
The Kuchens didn't change their name to Pie...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteOoooooh, your plot twist is deliciously evil! This is like something I would come up with. Looking forward to the next chapter.
ReplyDelete@LordOfTheWrongs
ReplyDeleteI changed my name. WHOOPEE!
Ahem, moving on, while I appreciate the Back to the Future quote, I never said they were directly related. Perhaps the better word to use would have been connection, be it familial, mystical, hell, even, 4th wall related. Truth is, I'm taking shots in the dark, so cut me some slack. All I was trying to do was guess what Thorn meant. Anyway, good story.
Princess Fillestia = UBERCUTENESS!!!
ReplyDeleteeagerly awaiting the next chapter, helluva cliffhanger leaves me wanting more ><
ReplyDeleteThat is god damn adorable
ReplyDeleteI regret nothing.
Doxkid
Sorry it's taken so long for Chapter 8. It's almost ready, and should be up by the end of the week.
ReplyDeleteI am really enjoying this story though i gotta ask was this:
ReplyDelete“I thought I made my position clear,” said Luna. “You were to treat my sister like her adult self, not as a mere foal. Forgive me if I am out of touch with the times, but the last time I checked, grown ponies do not play with toys.”
A light hearted jab at us?
Chapter 8 is up and submitted.
ReplyDeletePrepare for a letdown.
...That could actually be the fic's tagline, come to think of it.
Ooh, a little conspiracy with Pinkie Pie!
ReplyDeleteRainbow Dash: "DUN DUN DUN!"
The plot thickens!
ReplyDeleteI always get excited when I see a new chapter for this. Keep it up!
This story is the most awesomest thing ever
ReplyDelete@pg13fresno
ReplyDeleteletdown?!
BLAARGH, i need moar! this has gone from an 'innocent prank gone wrong' fic to some really deep history revealing stuff, i love it!
Ever since chapter 3 I've been following this story, so far, the only thing that saddens me to a certain degree is the time if taking between the latest chapters.
ReplyDeleteBitching aside, I truly, truly enjoyed this chapter, I mean, It got me interested all the way through, and the fact that it was a long one made it even better!
SPOILERS!!!
I mean, the first part, with the mane 6 minus Pinkie as fillies was just awesome, specially their reactions, and interactions afterwards with Tia; Tia itself is getting more interesting (and quite frankly, more likable) with each passing chapter,so is Luna, and even your little OC too!
The other awesome thing about this one is how you manage to deeper the mystery surrounding Pinkie, I mean I was intrigued when it first popped up, but Blueblood's "ark" made me forget about it pretty quickly, but right now I just so frigging interested in it I cant wait to see what comes up now!
Talking about Blueblood, I gotta say, as much as I hate that bastard (and for that manner, I avoid like plague anything related to him), you have managed to made interested in his actions, and I am still very curious about what hes going to do, I'm guessing we will hear from him next chapter.
So overall, a great chapter of a great story, and so far it appears that it getting greater and greater with each passing chapter, even managing to adapt very nicely after "Luna Eclipsed", hope to see more soon!
That was a good chapter. And I have a suspicion about what it is that Pinkie is hiding.
ReplyDeleteStill reading the story, but I felt I should make a note here about a mistake I spotted.
ReplyDeleteSPOILER! ...of sorts.
Octavia refers to Pinkie as her cousin in the first scene with Luna, but then tells Twilight Twilight Pinkie is her sister.
Just a small inconsistency I felt I should point out. (Unless it's like Quinn always saying her sister Daria is her cousin to anyone she meets because she's afraid of being associated with her. [For those reading this who have not seen the show 'Daria' I highly suggest looking it up.])
@Drakin
ReplyDeleteNope, that was a screw up on my part. It's fixed now.
@TheManWithTwoNames
ReplyDelete"The plot thickens"
That IS what happens when Pinkie eats too many cupcakes!
LOLOLOL!!! /)@É›@(\
I'm loving this story. I can't wait to delve into the Pie clan's history. I wanna see a Pie/Luna+Twi showdown!
Regardless of the familial secrets... Pinkie Pie is acting rather treasonous holding information back that could restore the Princess. Whatever fears her family has... Needs to come out, and needs to be resolved.
The 4th wall... She cannot take any more stress of the Kuchen conspiracies!
Actually, Pinkie has been shockingly tame as of late... Hold me... I'm scared! These conspiracies must be deep!
Wow... So much happening... Must... Sleep...
ReplyDelete(Excellent chapter! Can't wait for the next one!)
How is the progress on the next chapter anyway? I know its gonna be great, but i'm sure we're all a little impatient.
ReplyDeleteIf you could give us reports once in a while about % completion, like "chapter - is 70% complete now!" and an estimate about time it'll take to post, then it'll settle a lot of our nerves.
Not to cause an inconvenience, but the random guessing game of when it'll post is personally driving me mad!
Great work though!
Fillies are just too cute! The mystery just keeps getting curiouser.
ReplyDeleteFor such a popular fic, I'm surprised so few comments have come out about the latest chapter.
ReplyDeleteThe plot thickens indeed. Can't wait for more. Yadda yadda.
MOAR
ReplyDelete@ZachZRipper
ReplyDeleteActually, that's a good idea.
The next chapter is about 30-40% done, give or take.
I'm trying to go no more than three weeks between updates, with two weeks being ideal. I wish I could have it done faster, but my work and personal life are frantic enough right now that I can barely manage to write more than a page a day.
That, and I have to see how much of the fic's fanon gets nuked from high orbit in the next episode. I mean, the fic survived Luna Eclipsed, I'm sure it can survive this, right? Right?
Trying to explain Pinkie, thats a tall order!
ReplyDeleteThis chapter almost slipped by. So much reading, so little time.
As always, looking forward to the next.
Thanks
i love your story but i gonna know this. have you gone dead in this fic? or are you taking your time with it? i hope to soon to see the next chapter
ReplyDelete@kharnes
ReplyDeleteThe next chapter is almost done. As in, it will be up tomorrow or the day after at the latest. The next chapter will take us into the third stage of the fic, and sets up the end of the Pinkie/Kuchen subplot for Chapter 10.
I've had a lot of personal issues the last few weeks. My entire system got destroyed by a virus, I've had hardware issues, my job is taking up more and more time, and all that. Fortunately, we're over that hill, and updates will be coming much faster.
Seriously, it's only been, what, three weeks? I've known fics that've taken far longer to update get finished, and this one will, too. I know it's a lot to ask, but please be patient. I'll try to make it all worth it.
@pg13fresno
ReplyDeletefirst of all srry if i made any offense. secondly when i read your story i dindt look after when it was last updated. srry for being impatince
That confrontation between Pinkie and Twilight... I'm sure Twilight has some really important issues to discuss with Celestia in the next chapter.
ReplyDelete@kharnes
ReplyDeleteI apologize if I sounded upset. I really had no right to go off like that.
this. is. so aswesome!
ReplyDeletethis is really getting good now, can't wait until the next chapter :D
It's talking princess pinklestia!
ReplyDelete...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
I know now! The Pie Clan must be decendants of Kuchen's old family! They were driven insane because of his experiments, thus giving them these abilities. And if Celestia find them, she will kill them, in order to keep those spells from ever returning, thus keeping it a secret.
ReplyDeleteIT ALL LINKS TOGETHER!
As much as I loved this chapter, I couldn't help but think that the confrontation with Pinkie was... rushed. I don't know, I mean, I knew It was coming, but I guess that It needed to last a bit longer in order to give a much greater impact (and don't get me wrong, that revelation was BIG!).
ReplyDeleteThe bit with the Pie clan asking about things 500 years gone reminds me of a certain Lovecraft story... that I can't recall the name of. But I think it had to deal with family members possessing younger descendants in a form of serial immortality.
ReplyDelete"At least those blue plants the florists found looked nice under the lights."
ReplyDeleteI stopped right there for a moment and face-hoofed so hard before making this comment. No, I don't know where this is going yet, but where ever it is it can't be good...for those involved.
I can only assume (if my suspicions are correct) that in the rest of this, and further chapters, hilarity will ensue.
This is a darn good story, from my point of view: a blend of comedy and suspenseful drama that I find extremely catching. It's a silly concept, at the core, but you've developed it in such a way that not only is it a story worth reading, but it draws you in and leaves you wanting more.
ReplyDeleteLike most everyone else who's posted in these comments, I'm chomping at the bit for the next chapter. I'm especially liking how you're handing Pinkie Pie- she's a difficult character to write for, but I feel as though you're handling it very well.
Also of note is Luna- she's my favorite pony, and I find the way you portray her to be believable, realistic, and all around very impressive. It's how somepony in her position would behave in such a trying situation, and I applaud your adherence to her canon character while managing to expand on it in ways that are both interesting and unexpected yet, not- if that makes any sense. Put simply, I like how you're handling this- and I have to admit, I can be a stickler about Luna.
Keep up the good work with this story, and take all of my bits (all of them) if it will help you find the time to write.
Tl;DR: I like where this story is going, and the management of characters is excellent. Write more!
Tia getting a chance to play, that is awesome. I still marvel at the sheer madness attributed to the pie clan in these various fics. (spoilers for various fics coming) I mean I have seen : Pinkie drank a shaman's drink which turned her from a genius into what we know and love; pinkie had a sister who she doesn't remember who was murdered; pinkie was driven away from her home by her family who could not stand her antics; and now apparently pinkie is part of a family with a connection to a madman who researched dark and dangerous magics.
ReplyDelete(spoilers over) I marvel at the sheer madness attributed to my favorite physics defying party pony.
@waffle911
ReplyDeleteUsing magical telekinesis to break enemies' necks is one of the best royal perks! You can mock them and sneer at them and then, you turn and walk away, and they instinctively relax just that wee little bit... then you suddenly glance back and CRACK.. Oh the expressions of shock and horror frozen on their faces in death! HEE HEE HEE HEE!!! It NEVER gets old! HA HA HA HA!!!
(and this is why Charles had all of his magic removed by the gods of every single friggin universe)
Poor Pinkie :-(
ReplyDeleteI love this fic, I especially like the swift mood changes, something that I haven't seen since "The Vinyl Scratch Tapes" (there might be other fics being good at this like these one out there, I just haven't read them).
ReplyDeleteWith each chapter I've laughed, cried, facepalm'd, d'awwwd... leaving me with a feel of satisfaction and fulfillment.
I also love how this fic takes a silly premise and turns in into something more. (would love to give examples but I would be spoilering).
As for the current episode...
SPOILERS AHOY!
The fact that you haven't noticed me here before is because I rarely leave comments in this site (usually I reserve them for other place) but I just can't "not mention" how cute Celestia was in this chapter...
Okay, cute might not be the right word (since in this fic she is pretty much cute all the time)... I think the word I'm looking for is adorkable, once I realised why she was going to the study I had a d'awww overdose. >_<
And the next scenes were even better (I lol'd IRL at Pinklestia's line).
It's also interesting to see she apparently had to take some hard decisions in the past (even after Nightmare Moon).
And I can't wait to see her (and maybe Luna's) reaction when she finds about Pinkie's little secret (which TBH, has been annoying me a little, but that's a perk of mine... I'm usually not good handling secrecy). I hope being a bearer of one of the elements of harmony is proof enough of the pretty party pony not being like Kuchen and that all of this is just a silly fear (and grudge) the Pies have been holding towards Celestia for no reason...
But there is something more here, Pinkie's snap in this chapter and how she was telling past events in the previous chapter hints something in this direction (I feel like Cpt. Obvious for pointing this)... The only thing I can think right now is possession, which I would find a little disappointing or clichéd (and it would break my head trying to think how the magic of friendship and whatever is inside Pinks can coexist), but I'll reserve my judgements (and all of my nerdraeg!!! fear my nerdraeg!!!! rawr!!1) untill I see how you handle this.
Also:
"The plants and shrubs were still too wet to suitably decorate, which was fine, since they were short about two dozen roses. At least those blue plants the florists found looked nice under the lights."
http://i.imgur.com/NJ7Va.gif
SPOILERS END HERE
And so does my comment...
Hmmm...I will be the one pranking you next April Fool's Celestia!!! Wait a second, I have to take up her responsibilities while she gets to have FUN?!?!?! Oh nope she gets really bored, it's going to be worth it.
ReplyDelete@Susano
ReplyDeleteThat would be "The Thing on the Doorstep".
@gato
Luna would have no reason to react to anything to do with Kuchen. That was all 500 years after she was banished.
Just thought I'd throw up a heads-up on the next chapter.
ReplyDeleteSo far, it's progressing much faster than the previous few have been. If everything goes according to plan, it should be ready to post by Sunday.
A word of warning, though: this is the end of the Kuchen arc of this fic. It's been fun inserting what should have been a totally separate Dark/Grimdark story into what is essentially Celestia and Luna acting cute, but it's time to move on. The subplot won't completely vanish, as it will lead into the third act (namely, finding the cure, dealing with Blueblood, and more trouble between the Royal Pony Sisters), but after this, no more cliffhangers with Pinkie acting freaky.
Chapter Ten will tell us a lot more about why the spell was made, why Kuchen went absolutely insane, how Celestia is connected to it all, and why the Pie family is so dang weird. I hope to see you all back here when it's finished.
Already got through 4 chapters and it's awesome.
ReplyDelete@LordOfTheWrongs Yes it is true since I still don't know who "Kuchen" is and Celly refused to tell me when I asked her yesterday.
ReplyDeleteIf this story would turn in to dark side, and I think it would be for the best. Twilight Snapple is FTW especially when shes go deeper in to Kuchen's work. PP's rage is completely understandable. Celestia and Lofty should become friends,and she should also visit Zecora about her condition or just wait it out. I think millennium to 10 years should be enough. C:
ReplyDeleteChapter 10 is done.
ReplyDeleteIt is not a good chapter.
It is not a happy chapter.
It is, in fact, probably right of the edge of Grimdark, if not there.
But now, that part of the story is over. The third act of our tale will begin with Chapter 11.
And now, if you will excuse me, it is 4 AM, and I must sleep.
I...wow, this better not be the string of events that leads if I decide to use this spell on Celly. First though, I need to modify it as to not affect alicorns for millenia, then maybe I might just decide to create a counter-spell, if I'm in the mood...maybe not...
ReplyDeleteThis is absolutely amazing. SO magnificently written. This sir may be my favorite series.
ReplyDeleteIt's defnitely Top 5.
I cannot wait for the next part.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI thought that the book Luna used to shrink Celestia was just a parody of the Necronomicon and was going to be used as such. Instead, Kuchen turns out to be just as fucked up as Abdul Al-Hazred. While I think the trip into grimdark territory was a little sudden even with all the foreshadowing, it was overall interesting to see Celestia demand Kuchen abandon his life for her. Even the wisest of monarchs have their moments when they're younger.
ReplyDelete@Susano
He did a few stories like that. I remember The Case of Charles Dexter Ward being one of them.
This is bucking amazing. I demand two chapters of this length every day! GIT ON IT. D:< My ponyfic addiction needs its fix!
ReplyDeletethis is just getting better and better. i like how epic this has grown
ReplyDeleteWhat's really terrifying here is how close Kuchen's crimes were to The Fic Which Shall Not Be Named, and he's also inside Pinkie's head...
ReplyDeleteKuchen; Cupcakes, BLANKET STYLE!
ReplyDeleteI just caught up with the latest chapters, and it got dark quick! Still enjoyable, but the next chapter should try to be more light-hearted. :P
ReplyDeleteLate in posting this but nevertheless:
ReplyDelete>Reading through when Kuchen was first mentioned
"Heh. Based on my basic German knowledge, I know he's related to cakes. Somehow."
>Continues reading to when Pinkie gains importance
"Wait... Kuchen is also the German word for...
PIE."
>mfw
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/210/403/OhCrap.png?1322723607
Pretty grimdark indeed, yes. Necessary maybe, but kinda disjunct with the rest of the story.
ReplyDelete@Wierdplatformer
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, the next chapter will be a lot more lighthearted than this one. I just had to get all this stuff out in one go.
And trust me, this was nowhere near as dark as the first draft. Let's just leave it at that and move on.
oh wow.. I actually cried when I finished reading what happen when kutchen realized everything he sacrificed was for no reason.
ReplyDeleteShits powerful.... Wow, Damn good story, I applaud you. Hits hard.
I'm following, like, 20 fanfictions, but this one is the only one being updated. All over are "incomplete", but never updated.
ReplyDeleteSorry it's been so long since an update.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, things are going to take a bit longer. The next chapter isn't going too well at the moment.
Sorry. I'll try to have it ready by sometime next week.
I'd like to point something out here. I'm not gonna spoil anything, but...
ReplyDeleteKuchen is a German word that means "Pie". But it has another meaning. I think I just figured out a huge plot twist in this fic...And it blew my mind.
I AM A PRINCESS ARE YOU A PRINCESS TOO!
ReplyDeleteThat line made me die of laughter.
Toy-bashing aside, this is a very enjoyable fic overall, with neat plot twists and in character characters.
CH.6 :
ReplyDelete>So naturally, her reaction was to run outside screaming before flopping on the cool grass.
-Yeah, I mean who wouldn’t do that. :3
>The princess rolled onto her back, unfolded her wings, and squirmed about like a lopsided worm.
-Awwww, sounds adorable. ;)
>I have no idea where Spike was getting his information
-Personally, I have an idea... it’s a dark and smelly place, that’s where he took them.
>shouted Applejack. “Don’t ya see how worried we all were? You had us scared stiff.”
-AJ seems to very quickly glance over the fact that they were all ‘’scared stiff’’ *BECAUSE* of the dumb analysis of the letter by Spike !
>Dethroning her sister, using the Arcanus E Draconus, and lying to everypony? She’s the worst pony ever!”
-That’s not really proper-Pinky Pie, I say ? ...should have stopped at ‘’deserves to be tarred, feathered’’.
Also... no one yells at Pinky Pie. Ever.
>Even Pinkie Pie, who had by now exceeded Spike in the hostility department
-Yeeeeeeah... no. That’s *not* Pinky Pie.
... Do puppy-eyes, receive Cookies ...
>Her self-pity session came to a sharp, pointy halt as a sharp, pointy claw tapped her back.
-‘’a sharp, pointy halt as a sharp, pointy claw’’, while I can guess why the repetition here (for Spike), it’s still a bit odd to read (had the re-read the sentence, like, 3 times to be sure to have read it correctly).
>A terrible thought suddenly entered Twilight’s mind. I never mentioned the Arcanus E Draconus to Pinkie
-... ... ...You know what ? I find this slightly amusing for some reasons... Not the real Pinky Pie ?
Also, makes me wonder if the previous ‘’not Pinky Pie-like’’ reaction was indeed intended for this point, or an accident ?
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteYeah, Pinkie acting...not Pinkie was intended from the beginning. As for Spike...well, I just suck at writing. Simple as that.
As for that repetition...once again, you're right. Once I can think of a clearer sentence that doesn't kill the unfunny joke (see above about sucking), I'll try to fix it.
@pg13fresno
ReplyDelete>>Her self-pity session came to a sharp end, as a sharp, pointy claw (+gently, or nothing added ?) poked her back.
-Small editing. What do you think ?
(You still have the repetition for 'sharp', but the first one sounds better, plus the meaning for 'sharp end' linked to what Luna stopped doing. Second 'sharp' rolls better, since we link it more easily to Spike. Also, I replaced a verb with 'poked', because, well... 'sharp'+'pointy' made me think of one of those expression, about a sharp/pointy stick poking your eye, or something like that...)
CH.7 :
ReplyDelete>“NO! Don’t leave me here! I’ll…AAGH! Not in the eyes!”
-The soap ! It burnsssss ! ;)
...and suddenly, I have fragments of one of those oooold ‘’bath songs’’ in my head. Something, ‘’splish-splash, while taking my bath...’’ ?
>the princess started trotting away, wanting to place as much distance between herself and her no doubt angry, vengeful sister.
-Celestia will probably paint/draw stuff on her face, during her sleep. ;)
>“How Kuchen’s spell worked!” gasped Twilight.
-Speaking of ‘Kuchen’... One of the other comments made me wonder (see, comments DO help induce additional thinking !), and I’m wondering if this ‘Kuchen’ wasn’t one of Pinky Pie’s (long lost) ancestor ?
>Celestia shook her head. “No, no. I’m sure your flanks need the calories more than mine.
-Is she saying that she finds Twilight too ‘’thin’’ ? Or that her *cough* ‘’flank’’ is too ‘’small’’ ? ;)
It just sounds, probably unintentionally, pretty funny.
>It’s been a thousand years since I finished a budget, but surely it’s not that much different from how things used to work. This should not take more than an hour…
-Oh boy ! She’s in for quite a surprise.
>to swallow it whole, like some sort of all-devouring Elder Pony from on high.
-I don’t understand this... expression ? A saying ? What does it mean exactly ?
>she couldn’t tell them the truth. She wasn’t allowed to. Nopony in the Pie Clan was allowed to.
-Well, the ‘’lost ancestor’’ theory seems to be getting points.
>“I-I read about it in the Equestria Daily!
-...and a 4th wall reference. :) (a few authors seem to be using that one too)
>Nopony would care that Celestia had spent the last two months taking out her work-related woes on her younger sister
-She talking of the time before this story, right ?
>Her words were drowned out as the entire throne room disappeared into a white void
-Everypony is now a foal ? Celestia is even younger ? Both Princesses are now foals ?
All and more in the next Episode of !...
Really looking forward to the next chapter!
ReplyDeleteTHIS WAS THE GREATEST FANFIC EVER WRITTEN BLAHHHHHH
ReplyDelete@Nova25
ReplyDelete"Elder Pony" is an oblique reference to the Elder Gods of the Lovecraft Mythos, e.g. Cthulhu.
@LordOfTheWrongs
ReplyDeleteAhh, right... the Outer/Elder gods.
Mmh, I was thinking of ''elder pony'' as in ''elderly pony'', when I read that line.
CH.8 :
ReplyDelete>In their place were a collection of little fillies, all of which bore the exact same coat colors and cutie marks as Twilight and her friends.
-Those who bet on the Main Cast, go collect your gains... do not pass ‘Go’.
>Fortunately, all the ponies still had their cutie marks, and the Elements of Harmony
-Heh. Now it’s ‘My very little ponies’. ;)
http://alicehumansacrifice1.deviantart.com/art/Foals-are-magic-wallpaper-260668795 : Foals everywhere ! (surprisingly hard to find one with the Main 6-foals together)
>And then there was the strangest thing of all. She was still a full-grown mare.
-Well, scratch 6 and make it 5. Also : Dun-duuun DUN !
>if he faints just by seeing the lot of you as fillies, I doubt he would be able to stand being in the same room as six of you.
>Even after a thousand years, boys are exactly the same.”
-...honestly, I’m a bit confused as I’m not sure how to interpret(or how I should) the last sentence in relation with the first one ?
That, and I’m not sure of the necessity of last sentence...
>I have had nary a one since my return.
-‘’a single one’’, maybe ? (Missing word ?)
>“Actually…our attendance has more than doubled in the last hour alone.”
-This is actually pretty funny, when you think about it. ;)
>Oh no, that blasted enchantment is still around Celestia’s room! Nopony but herself can teleport inside there! I’m going to have to run!
-Huh... teleport NEAR the general area of the room then ? (unless she’s like the room next door ?)
>*KRA-KOW!*
>The entire room shuddered from the sound of a gathering of fillies screaming in terror.
-Dear gods ! They startled the Witch !! Run for your life !!! ...*cough* Huh, I mean...
>Octavia set her hoof down and let out a labored sigh. “She’s my cousin. Unfortunately.”
-*lower eyebrows half-way* ... *squint eyes at 33%* ... *slow words’ speed by 20%* ... Mmmmmmmmmeh... ooook... This will have to do, I suppose...
>Rock farming was far from the most lucrative occupation; in fact, it was an idea born more from lunacy than anything else.
-Hmmm... just a quick question. As the author ever read some of those rather interesting theories about rock farming ? The natural growth of gem inside rocks, due to the magical energies that are basicly omnipresent almost everywhere in their world ? (and that’s just the surface)
Within the context of MLP:FiM and their magically-inclined universe, it’s rather logical.
>“She asked me about the Heartstrings Royal Opera House.
-...*raise eyebrow* Mmh ? What’s that now ? ...I’m probably just seeing things...
... I have to say, I’m not really convinced by what information we appear to be given here, about the moment Pinky Pie became the energetic mare we all know and love. I mean, it seems to be implied here(in the story), I ‘’think’’, that the ‘’sonic rainboom’’ unlocked(or has something to do with it) some secret memories-stuff-things, and ‘’something’’ about that and her cutie mark... I’m getting confused, I think... anyway, around that time, because she was now ‘happy energetic Pinky Pie’, after the ‘sonic rainboom’, that it’s the reason why she was dragged into the ‘’dark secrets’’ of the Pie Family... As I said, I’m a bit confused by what seem to be implied about the day Pinky Pie became ‘Happy’ ? ...
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteActually, the Sonic Rainboom didn't...
No, I'll just let you read it yourself in the next two chapters. I'm sure you'll have a field day with those. Or an aneurysm, whatever comes first.
CH.9 :
ReplyDelete>when they weren’t cowering in fear from their nighttime master’s visit.
-I, for one, welcome our new ‘nighttime’ Overlord... Overmare ?
>“Ya know, the whole ‘solvin’ Pinkie Sense’ thing yer so worried about?”
-You know, just a quick thing... this is a thing that a lot of people seem to be getting wrong, with Pinky Pie’s ‘’special sense’’...
The whole thing about the ‘Pinky Sense’ (in the episode) wasn’t so much about ‘not being able to explain it at all’... it was about ‘not being able to explain it -FULLY-, completely’ (which Twilight had a hard time accepting, initially.). Because, Twilight could have been able to explain it partially... even if they don’t directly say so in the series (anyone with the information and observations she collected could rather easily come up with, at least, some form of ‘’structure’’ to explain how the ‘Pinky Sense’ may work.).
Also, not necessarily here, some people tend to use the ‘Pinky Sense’ as an equivalent of ‘It’s Magic’... which is equally bad, since ‘’Magic’’ can also be partially explained, but this is another story.
>I’m telling the truth, I swear! No, I Pinkie Pie Swear!”
-If the author saw the last episode, he would know that Pinky Pie wouldn’t use a ‘Pinky swear’ so lightly...
>He was a lot like you back then, always sticking his face where it didn’t belong. And he paid for it. Oh, how he paid for it.”
-Unless Pinky Pie’s family did something monstrous to Pinky Pie when she was young AND brainwashed her (which would only add to the problem)... I don’t see any other excuse that could justify Pinky Pie being like that... willingly.
>The pony looked about, utterly perplexed by what was going on. She slowly turned back to her friends, her brain quickly digesting what had just happened.
-Brainwashing ? ... Brainwashing. (though I’m not sure to appreciate the implications this would have for Pinky Pie’s parents, and sisters... really not sure...)
>She shook her head, her eyes closed so tight it hurt. “I can’t! It’s a secret!”
>“ESPECIALLY from Princess Celestia!”
-Or, is there some sort of spell implanted that would make her explode twice, if she ever told something ?
>I just have to walk up to her, say “Hello,” and everything will be-
>“Hello.”
-Thinking of doing something, and then the other ‘’person’’ do it before you... A classic thing. Relatively funny if combined with ‘surprise’, like here.
>Celestia’s teeth were now gritting for a very different reason. It’s always the weight, isn’t it? Just because I like cake doesn’t mean I’m fat!
-Celestia just loooooove her cakes ! ^-^ ... :3
>“Oh…well, Princess Luna let me use Aunt Celestia’s shampoo. This is what it does to your hair.”
-Good thing the pony on the other end is a filly... it’s the sort of things they would likely believe ;).
>“Well, you weren’t very good at hiding,” said Lofty. “I mean, how many rainbow-haired ponies have wings and a horn, anyway?”
-Well, what a smart little filly she is ;).
CH.10 :
ReplyDelete> “Please, get outta there, granny! I already had one scary voice in my head today! I don’t want another!”
-They say that talking to yourself isn’t in fact a bad thing... it’s when you started answering and arguing back, that it means you’re crazy.
...then again, we don’t have ghosts and spirits that are able of telepathy and mind stuff.
>“B-But Dad always said…”
>Your Pa was a right old sort, always worrying if you were getting too carefree or undisciplined.
-This seems *hardly* enough to justify Pinky Pie’s state of ‘’Craziness, and absolute terror of talking’’... There HAS to be more to that...
> “At least the second one. Stupid first one stole my lunch…”
-...huh ? The first unicorns stole her... lunch ? What ? Is this supposed to be a reference to something ?
>I would hate to see all that had work
-‘’that had work’’ ? You meant : hard ? (small error)
>But it was the good kind of crazy…”
-The kind that makes people want to train goldfishes in doing tricks... The Mythbusters did it, and it was rather entertaining. ;)
>Just over five hundred years ago, Canterlot’s cobblestone streets were bustling with activity.
-And now, the ‘cobblestone’ makes me think of Minecraft ? ...random time.
>The weather was the very picture of perfection, as it always was in a city that was 95% populated by unicorns.
-Huh... I know unicorns ‘’could’’ use spells for the weather, to some extent, but... It had to be very not-efficient, compared to pegasi who are literally proficient with weather stuff ?
>Unfortunately, all his little adventure served to prove was the unbreakable law of gravity
-Only Pinky Pie can do it, with her famous Quantum Powers.
>“I-I mean, how does ‘falling on the princess’ equal ‘becoming her student?’”
-That wouldn’t be the weirdest law out there, that for sure. Like the kind of law that prohibit people from eating pudding, after 20:00, during Fridays (there’s one like that, which exist for real).
Also... DEATH FROM ABOVE ! :D
>The entire building shuddered and rocked with Princess Celestia’s voice.
-Gotta love the ‘’Traditional Canterlot Voice’’ sometimes, right ? ;)
>Kuchen scoffed. “It would have worked if I kept the window closed.”
-Heh, windows on a submarine. A fun one. :)
>Well, except for the one that lets him talk through your brain, cause hey, we’re all just a bunch of puppet ponies until he can return!
-Is this a case of Lich Pony trying to raise an army (undeads, and VIP puppets) to control the world ?
Because, even if he’s not trying to conquer the world, that Kuchen sure does sound like a Lich right now... as standard ghosts/spirits can’t hold that kind(amount) of power.
...so ? Is this the explanation, for Pinky Pie’s non-Pinky behavior ? A long dead Ancestor(Lich) of Pinky Pie is... huh... slightly controlling them (and apparently sharing memories?), for whatever reasons yet to be told ?
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>“You mean you lied to my face.”
-There’s an easy joke to be made here, butt... *cough* Anyway, ‘’to me’’ might sound better, no ? Unless the potential joke was intentional here ?
>Stormwind gasped. “You mean, that same filly that worked in the bakery?”
-So... that’s where the love of bakery stuff and sweets come in the Pie family ? ...before the weird ‘dark secrets’ stuff, that is.
>“A-Are you asking me to separate myself from my family?” Kuchen said.
> “Yes, and more,” Celestia continued.
-Ah, I see... So, that’s where the whole ‘’Trollestia’’ thing started ?
>“I am sorry, my faithful student. I promise you, this will all be worth it once Luna is free. Just…please be patient.”
-Yeeeeah... threatening the very life and existence of the ONLY pony who can help you, and his friends and family, WITHOUT giving him THE reason justifying such insane threats... yeah, that’s gonna work well ?
She REALLY dropped the ball here. Like, a extra-large 10T ball.
>The second is something to keep you warm at night.”
-...like an undead that refuses to die, and a curse to be forgotten... that one ‘’story-of-no-name’’... (sigh)...
>“I needed test subjects for my work! And besides, is that one village not happier as seaponies?”
-Huh... ok... I think you shouldn’t have linked those two... ‘’Mysterious seaponies’’ were REALLY fine by themselves, without making them the ‘’results’’ of whatever mad experiments he did... No, really...
>“Did your research not tell you the whole story?
-Did YOU told him ? Oh, right... you didn’t ! ...dumb fabric, I mean, Princess.
>I wanted to destroy those as well, but…”
>“What stopped you?” asked Twilight.
-The same thing as any RPGs... ‘’Invisible plot wall !’’ (a bit of a side-reference to a let’s player)
>“I wanted to destroy them all, but I couldn’t bring myself to.”
-Yeah... because keeping the equivalent of the NECRONOMICON is a perfectly sane idea ! ...extra dumb Princess, I mean fabric... hmm, no that was Princess. Pretty sure of that.
>he made sure we would never forget. One day, Kuchen the Uplifted will return in full
-Well... a ‘’Lich-to-be’’, it would seem ?
But still... the wife and kids having SOME of his memories, because of some transfer spell, ok, I can see... but every single future generations too ?
>“I already sent them away, with their grandparents and uncles and aunts! They may not have the gift
-Wait ? So... the foals don’t have ‘’the gift’’ (his memories and knowledge) ? Errr, I’m confused a bit ?
They *just* have a voice telling them ‘’Kuchen is good. Celestia is evil. Remember me.’’ in their head... then why Pinky Pie FULLY knows stuff about Kuchen, places in old-Canterlot, and stuff ?
>You’ve been through enough today, little sister. For now, you deserve to be happy.
-And to read a few books about what usually happen when you keep Evil Dangerous Actefacts of Demonic power and Apocalyptic Doom, instead of destroying them...
You would be surprised how many ‘Ancient Civilisations’ became ‘’ancient’’, in RPGs, because of stuff like that...
(Yes... I talk/write a lot...)
Um...sorry about all the delays.
ReplyDeleteThe update should be up by Tuesday/Wednesday.
Okay, the next chapter is up AND submitted. Just follow the link at the end of Chapter 10 to get an early peek.
ReplyDeleteHow ironic that it's Chapter 11, because this is the point where the story officially goes bankrupt.
Oh Luna, why'd you have to go and tempt fate like that...
ReplyDeleteThis was no different for the six Bears of the Elements of Harmony. wow 6 bears...
ReplyDeleteIs this story done yet so i can read it? :-D
ReplyDeleteOmg, it has been ages since I've seen an update, thanks Celestia! Downloading and reading :3
ReplyDeleteUmm...wow.
ReplyDeleteThis story is really good. Gotten slightly grimdark and thankfully not too graphic with what happenned. Excellent chapter and I cannot wait till the end.
“Mid-Life Crisis. Start New Career.”
ReplyDeleteWin.
"This is going to be the best night ever."
ReplyDeleteOoh, bad karma.
Now I can't get the image of grown-up Celestia stuffed into a steam swing seat out of my head.
ReplyDelete"WHEEE! I'm flying!"
ReplyDelete*Ruby glances pointedly at her wings*
"Still flying, me-dammit!"
CH.11 :
ReplyDelete>but there were plenty of other mistakes she had made over the millennia.
-Like that one time with the giant cake and the moonshine... well, not all of them were ‘THAT’ bad ? I mean, sure... in her drunk sugar-crazy state she did sunk that one Island of Maretlantis, but to her defence ; It was a pretty good cake-party. And, the magically transformed ponies didn’t seem to mind that much.
>Even worse, she had humiliated herself in front of those closest to her yet again.
-Boo-hoo... Happens to mortals ALL the time.
>stripping away what remained of the Great and Powerful Princess Celestia and showcasing her as she presently was.
-Who ? Trixie in disguise ?
>“G-Good morning, Miss….Dream, was it?”
>Ruby was slightly taken aback. “It’s Ruby Dream.
>“Oh…I’m sorry.”
-What the ? She just said it... ‘’Miss Dream’’... What’s wrong with using a (polite) ‘conventional term of address to a young’ female pony, to greet her ? (last time I checked, they weren’t family OR best friend in the world, or anything remotely close)
... Is it just me, or does the reaction of ponies (and how they think/talk at the beginning, here) is a bit weird ? ...
>“I’ll be back in a few hours. Be on your best behavior, don’t do anything that will get us banished from Equestria
-*whisper* pssst... Celestia is like 3feet in front of you. She MIGHT hear you...
>I’ve hidden the Arcanus E Draconus under my bed.
-... ...Really ? I think this sentence speak for itself.
Funny(not)... I remember Luna being a touch more clever than that.
>“You win a bet on the Cloudsdale Grand Prix. Collect 5000 Bits.”
-Wait a minute ? ‘THAT’ is Encyclopedia Equestrica (which totally doesn’t sound like a board game, but more like a dictionary)? ...seems much more like ‘’Monopony’’, if you ask me.
>The princess spun the wheel, the infernal contraption stopping on a 10.
>The princess visually cursed that blasted Police Officer card her opponent had.
-Wait... now it’s ‘’A Game of Life’’ ? What is this game supposed to be ? ...Mono-Encyclopedia of Life ?
>I have seen the descendants of saints become monsters, and the children of evil become the greatest of heroes.
-RPGs do that all the time. Seriously... it’s like ‘good and evil’ are recessive genes or something, in those games/dimensions.
>Indeed, she seemed more enthusiastic than ever.
-Wait what ? Lofty is a female ? ... ...huh, my memory must be playing tricks with me ? I remember thinking of this pony as male... must be the name...
... Funny thing. While checking last part, to be sure about Lofty, I found that Luna also said ‘’Miss Dream’’ to Ruby Dream... which didn’t cause her to ‘’freak out’’, like in this part. Just saying ...
>Not from that! Remember when you took out that dragon that was trying to block out the sun? Or when you stared a cockatrice down
>and single-hoofedly chased down the fastest flier in Equestria?!”
-Huh... how the hell does a random pony know about those Ponyville-related, and quite ‘circumstantial’ events ?
While the events of Discord (and even Nightmare Moon), and the *GENERAL* line of actions taken during them MAY be more public, and thus known from the general population (though ponies seem barely aware of those events in the series, for weird reasons)... there’s no good reason for the ‘general public’ to know about those specific events, and what *specific* role she had in them...
>So, she worked up some artificial ones so we wouldn’t have to change the color scheme for tonight.
-Let me guess... Those ‘’artificial’’ flowers will turn out to be, at least some of them, to be the real thing... witch will result in ‘something’ bad/embarrassing happening ?
-----
Well... overall it was an ‘ok’ part... Even if there was quite a few odd details, to be honest.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteYeah, you're pretty spot on. This chapter was filled with problems.
Just wanted to clarify a few things, though:
> The game was BEHIND the Encylopedia Equestrica. And yes, it was supposed to be "The Game of Life." I guess I got the rules somewhat jumbled over the years, since I though the Life Tokens also gave you money.
> ...Yeah, I'm gonna rewrite the Fluttershy bit to make it more sensible. I mean, I figured something like a dragon parking itself outside of Ponyville and nearly blocking the sun for a hundred years WOULD receive some attention, but you're right. It needs some cleaning up.
See you all next time, hopefully with something actually decent.
@pg13fresno
ReplyDeleteI guess I read past the line about 'it' being behind the book.
-Well, the 'Life tokens' have numbers ranging from 100$ to 500$ (If I remember my last Chrismas), but you only cash them at the end. (also, they are 'secret' until the end).
-Well, the dragon's smoke threatened to obscure the general region of Ponyville, not the whole country. Also, what the -town- may know was just that the 'Main 6' went there together... again, this news would mostly be limited to Ponyville.
Anyway, as I said, it was 'ok' even with the few odd details.
Well, it's been almost a week, so just an update.
ReplyDeleteThe chapter is coming along, albeit slower than I wanted. The bits with Twilight, Pinkie and Celestia are very easy to write, but Luna and the party bits need a lot more planning. Still hope to have it done soon.
I'm also thinking about changing the synopsis a little. Looking at it now, it's rather lacking. Any thoughts?
Welp...chapter's done.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I missed the morning update. But it's still accessible. Just follow the link at the end of Chapter 11.
Next time:
Blueblood returns...with a vengeance!
Luna does stuff...with a vengeance!
Celestia does a bad thing...with a vengeance!
Pinkie faces her ancestor's plans for vengeance...with a vengeance!
And as for Twilight's vengeance... Well, you'll just have to wait and see...
WITH A VENGEANCE!
I love this more for each chapter.
ReplyDeleteNow that was a good chapter. But now I am so sad for Celestia.
ReplyDeleteI am going to assume that Twilight 'crush'ing the numbers means that she's crunching them WITH A VENGEANCE, instead of being a typo.
ReplyDeleteThose last two pages... :(
ReplyDeleteThe party was very interesting to read. It felt exactly like how I expected the upper-class ponies would behave around Luna. How they reacted to the cranberries was pretty enjoyable.
I shall now await for chapter 13, WITH A VENGEANCE!
Looks like it's time for Luna to play Bad Cop!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work. The story youst began to be exiting. Youst do your best. You can't make wrong when you do.
ReplyDeleteOh jeeze, Celestia. D:
ReplyDeleteArgh, I have NO IDEA what're coming in the next chapter! How is this going to go from here!? I need to knowwwwwwww~
*waits*
I like tacos.
ReplyDelete"I like tacos"
ReplyDeleteEpic random moment XD
and a way too epic cliffhanger
And waaayyyy too many VENGEANCE
Yikes. Nobility's just awful, but jeez...
ReplyDeleteWhen Luna spoke at the breakfast I was like :(
ReplyDeleteThen the noble ponies appeared and I was like :D
Then Celestia broke and I was like D:
ALL OF MY TEARS! T_T
CH.12 :
ReplyDelete>Professor Milky Way’s own contributions to the Grand Unified Theory of Magic
-He was the ‘Einstein’ of ponies ? ;)
>all her time surrounded by books and studies on the nature of magic
>she had never even bothered to think about how to explain all of this to anypony
-Yeah... It’s sometimes a problem between ‘theory and practice’, or in this case between ‘knowing and teaching’.
>“How can I be the leader of a study group if it only has two members?”
-...really ? By definition, 2+ individuals working together IS/can be considered a group : http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/group%5B1%5D ...shouldn’t she know that ?
>she spent the entire night screaming and pulling my hair and…trying to eat my ears…”
-The image of a young ‘’Woona ;)’’ trying to eat her ear by nibbling on it... is awfully adorable. ;)
>the Earth pony drew herself closer towards the princess, wrapping her foreleg around the ancient mare’s neck
-Bad touch ! ...huh, I mean, ‘Political touch !’.
>But just remember, when you bite into a Sour Grapes raisin, that may not be a raisin you’re eating!”
-Is it just me, or does that almost sound like a ‘’hidden’’ threat of poisoning.
>“She should have stayed in the moon where she belongs,” the mare grumbled. “When will she learn that nopony wants her around?”
-Who bet that, once the event(story) will be ‘’finished’’, a few ponies will mysteriously disappear ?
>the Baron’s stupidity was matched only by his big mouth. “I shall do no such thing, NIGHTMARE MOON!”
-Apparently nobles in Canterlot are dumb as planks AND suicidal...
>“I take my leave of all of you.
>Enjoy your dinner.”
-Hurray Luna ! ...’’But you are still hungry.’’ (Of course, the nobles will not changes...)
>She also had white fur and rainbow hair
-Huh... *ALL* images, pictures, and whatever other material... show ‘Filly Celestia’ as having a pinkish mane, you know ?
>“Do you mean…Princess Celestia is a filly now?”
>We might still get paid for tonight, after all.”
-Dun-duun DUN!
>But the rest of Equestria still needs to learn that lesson. It’s going to take some time.”
-Most populations in animes and the likes usually forget that the Big Villain wanted to destroy the world, after a week (or a few years) or so...
Apparently (most people think) those ponies need more than 1000 years for that.
>“I cannot balance a simple budget
-I have read QUITE a few stories, where she was in fact particularly talented with handling taxes and stuff, and all the bureaucratic paperwork. Usually with dear Abacus.
>bouquets (both of the edible and inedible variety)
-It may seem like an odd detail to precise, at first, but... This is rather funny, in fact, with the whole ‘being a pony’ thing. ;)
>The palace’s entire front foyer was overrun with roses
>The aristocrats were silent.
>“And...we’re sorry.”
-GAAAAAAAaaaaa... *inhale*... AAAAASSPPPPPP!
>I like tacos.”
-Yes, everyone is right. This is indeed pretty funny. :)
Luna must be picking on some of Pinky’s thoughts. ;)
>She thought back to her original plan for that party. A few dozen leaves of Poison Joke, carefully laid out on each table.
>I-I’m the worst princess ever! >I’M THE WORST MOTHER EVER!
-NOOOOOOEEESSS! D: --- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWaLxFIVX1s
...also, I knew there would be real bluejokes with the ‘’artificial’’ ones !
-----
Well, quite an interesting part, I must say. Some bits of exciting stuff, and even an ‘’improbable event’’ actually happening ! ...and then... OH NOES! Troubles !
>BECAUSE SHE HATES YOU
ReplyDeleteWhen I read this, I'm not gonna lie, I literally covered my face with my hands, looked up to the sky, and said very loudly:
"Whoever wrote this is a fucking genius."
@Dubs Rewatcher
ReplyDeleteYeah, I physically winced at that line. Ouch.
@Nova25
ReplyDelete>-Huh... *ALL* images, pictures, and whatever other material... show ‘Filly Celestia’ as having a pinkish mane, you know ?
I know. I just prefer her with the rainbow mane. And if you prefer pink, well, wait for the next chapter...
>--I have read QUITE a few stories, where she was in fact particularly talented with handling taxes and stuff, and all the bureaucratic paperwork. Usually with dear Abacus.
She was actually talking about that time in Chapter Seven, where she fell asleep while trying to finish the budget. I probably should clarify the joke.
Well the body theft thing was kinda obvious but it's nice Pinkie interfered.
ReplyDeleteNice Nyx reference.
Oh Celestia if you you waited Luna would have taken you to the carnival.
So filly!Celestia is the pony equivalent to Mike Dawson?
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen this many unfortunate events since Lemony Snicket's Series of unfortunate events, and beyond Kerchen it's been mostly a really bad case of Bad timing and possible Bad luck.
ReplyDeleteWhile, as a reader, I've found this comedic gold I am also quite aware of how this all can go horribly, horribly, wrong and can feel that end waiting in the wings laughing along with the readers.
The past sins reference was a nice touch.
The one good thing? If Celestia and the search parties are out long enough, there's a good chance that Blueblood's spy won't be able to get his blackmail material for another day at least.
I want to thank author for making a FIMFiction.net mirror:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.fimfiction.net/story/11275/My-Little-Alicorn
Oh my god! They used my pic! Awesome!
ReplyDelete"not since her guards and advisors stopped letting her go to these things lest she make a foal of herself"
ReplyDelete>stopped letting her go
This isn't the first time it was mentioned how Celestia let her subordinates treat her like a child. I can't be the only person reading this that this doesn't sit well with, can I? ಠ_à²
Also, Felt-Pinkie amuses me.
Felt Pikie Pie....
ReplyDeletewhy can't we have a normal pinkie pie story for once?
Because it IS Pinkie Pie... DUH....
It's still amusing though :)
This last chapter was full of some many references/shout-outs; Pink-lestia's garish colors, Nyx's 'disguise', Pinkie's felt textured imagination. With Twilight entering Pinkie's mind I was almost expecting a Silent Ponyville reference, don't know if Pinkie suggesting her mind might be full of scary stuff counts.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first started reading this, back when it only had 2-3 chapters, I was expecting something purely whimsical and funny, and it was, but it seems to have evolved into so much more. I'm not sure if that was always the author's intent or if the story has simply grown a life of its own, but either way I love it. Every time I see this story update it fills me with pure unbridled joy.
Bwahahahaha. Oh god, felt Pinkie.
ReplyDeleteThat one line that redeemed ANY annoyances I had for the last couple chapters.
@Melodia The Blueblood in this story deserves a severe beating. I shall gladly administer it if asked! *readies baseball bat*
ReplyDeleteCH.13 :
ReplyDelete>The princess could feel tiny drops of spittle collecting on the underside of her lips
>her nose could pick out the scent of strawberries and vanilla icing from within its seductive exterior.
-Celestia LOVES cakes. ^-^
>The Trottingham Gazette said you were locking up your sister so nopony would know how much better she was.
-*cough* Well... Luna IS great, yes... humm, I guess Celestia is ok too.
... Is there a way for the author to remove some of the ‘side-note thingy’, in the google-doc, from that one dumb anon ? Like the one about ‘glue’. Seriously, with all the yellow too, it comes close to being annoying ...
>“Well, DUH! I mean, my mind is probably some big, scary place or something.
-It’s full of cotton candy and T-Rex riding unicycles.
>dressed in the same maid outfit he forced all his non-colt employees to wear.
>This had to be one of his spies.
-How do you bet that, at some point, he’s gonna (humoristic or a ‘’get caught scheming’’ thing) confuse his spy with a real maid ?
>A Spider-Mare costume? A wizard hat? Wait… does a vest and glasses count as a disguise?
-Spider-Man, Harry Potter(maybe), and last one... people are saying ‘Nyx’, but I thought it was/could be a reference to Clark Kent(Superman) ? : http://totallylookslike.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/clark-kent.jpg
... Now disguised like that, there's little chance the 'spy' will discover Celestia. He will probably be caught after some silly-sneaking sequence ;) ...
>“Hello? Celestia? Are you all right?”
>No response.
-Ahh... the ‘’talking to the door, while there’s no one’’ classic, I see ?
>Her body wasn’t round like a regular pony, but rather seemed two-dimensional. >she was made out of felt.
-Pinky Pie’s mind avatar is made of ‘’felt’’ ? This comes directly from the latest episode, isn’t it ? Hopefully, ‘’felt-Pinky Pie’’ is just as ‘’bouncy’’ as the normal one.
-----
Well, seems like this chapter was the ‘’everypony is trying to do something as, at the same time, all the other are doing an opposite thing’’-chapter ?
It was pretty good... though I wish the ‘cake scene’ had been a little more funny, or focused on it, before switching to the ‘drama’ part of the scene.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteYeah, the disguise thing was a reference to Past Sins. Although to be fair, pretty much any disguise that involves glasses and works unrealistically well will be compared to Superman at some point.
Man, I can remember the first time I saw that Superman cover, where Supes tells off Lois and Lana because he'd never marry anyone stupid enough not to realize he's Clark Kent when he puts his glasses on. Then I actually found the original comic...turns out it wasn't Superman in the story, but rather a guy pretending to be Superman while also pretending to be the leader of a crime syndicate trying to kill Superman while also pretending to be the new editor of the Daily Planet while Perry White is pretending to...
Where was I? Oh yeah, next chapter might be a while. I've had a major brain freeze for the last couple days, and a lot of Chapter Fourteen will have to be handled a tad more carefully than usual. Especially the ending.
@pg13fresno
ReplyDeleteYeah, "Lois & Clark" played with that once when a time-traveller from the future said... well, this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4Nov7vSkmU
just spent the majority of today and a day a week ago getting caught up on this story from like chapter 7 all the way to chapter 13 right now , just to refresh the page to see chapter 14 available , joy ^^ ..........
ReplyDeleteChapter 14 is out? Oh frabjious day!
ReplyDeleteTwi, what are you doing - oh, being badass? Carry on.
Fillyestia is so cute. And so irresponsible.
...that last part. WHAT? NONONO LUNA DON'T.
You're an evil genius, you know that? Handing us a piece of pie with one hand to distract us from the spider in the other.
...yikes. Drama. I don't like drama. It makes me angry.
ReplyDeletePrincess Luna
ReplyDeleteI am disappoint
That last part... was almost identical to Rarity and Sweetie Bell's argument in Sisterhooves Social. I really like the dynamic of immature, overly rash Celestia and over-protective, slightly hot-headed Luna.
ReplyDelete@ Whitespace:
ReplyDeleteTrue, but unlike Rarity and Sweetie Bell when one of these two sisters decides to run-away they can (possibly) go much further than Sweet Apple Acres, and Rarity didn't have Blueblood sending spies to Carousel Boutique.
Twilight couldn't of gotten the cure at a worse possible time, as right now I'd be worried that in not talking to one another Both Princesses may abandon Equestria, believing it to be in the others' "capable" hooves, once Celestia is cured.
With Celestia using her actions towards the nobility as her excuse while Luna will blame her actions towards Celestia.
So close to finding the cure, but is it already too late? I can't wait to find out
ReplyDelete@acksed *Discord mind-projection-image-thingee floats by Luna* Yes, yes, you are indeed Nightmare Moon! And now that you've finally admitted it to yourself... *leans in and whispers* Why not go the whole nine yards? The seed is still there... inside... *Luna darkens, Discord grins* That's the way, my dear, just let the madness take control... It's so much better that way. I guarantee it. I'm living proof!
ReplyDeleteEvil will always triumph, because good is dumb! - Dark Helmet
Aww... I just want to go hug 'em both.
ReplyDeleteYou gotta get that next chapter out soon, cuz that was just so sad! :(
"Chapter 15 (Coming Soon)"
ReplyDeleteლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
@Cedric Bale
ReplyDelete^
this
i feel like im reading one of bb's stories being left on such a cliff hanger.....
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNoo not a cliffhanger! Can't wait for chapter 15. That was pretty sad what happened with Celestia and Luna.
ReplyDeleteif anypony still actually comments here instead of on fimfiction, the author wrote what I think is a very important explanation of Kuchen and his passing here. It describes his thoughts as he was writing the character, as well as details of the characters history that got mentioned but never fleshed out in the main story. I hope it clears up any confusion here, since it certainly did over there.
ReplyDeletehey guys i found a pic that looks like a scene from this story with kutchen how does one go about adding media links or such to stories on this site?......
ReplyDeleteWhy doesn't this story have a 'Dark' tag?! Sure, its all light hatred and cute in the beginning, but HOLY dose in get creepy!
ReplyDeleteThe above comment was written at 3 in the morning, immediately after finishing chapter 10, just so you know ^^
ReplyDeleteCH.14 :
ReplyDelete>“No, you waste of an heir!
-Waste ? She has Quantum-like abilities ! ...clearly, this villain is too old to ever have heard of Quantum science.
>Kuchen’s groaned and gurgled at the song, as well as winced when the spontaneous music notes crashed into what amounted to his body.
-Physical music notes hurting an enemy ? ...*gasp* Pinky Pie is the ‘Spoony Bard’ from FF4 ! :D
>I’m not sorry I didn’t follow your plan to build a cannon capable of knocking Canterlot off the mountainside.
-But, she did use (parts of) those plans to build the ‘Party Cannon’. ;)
>Kuchen said. “Take us to your mind.”
-Well, at least he didn’t say ‘’Take me to your leader’’ ?
>her own dolphin-riding, elephant-riding pony was at the far back end of the track
-Is there an error here ? Isn’t she playing with ONE thing here, not 2 ? ...the way it’s formulated is a bit odd/confusing.
>The pirncess squirmed
>It looked like a children’s dress.” >A children’s dress…
>they can even set a foot inside
-1) ‘‘princess’’ (small error). 2) Considering no other species is present around, and the dress is made for a pony : ‘’foal’s dress’’ (foal if you want the general use, filly to be more specific). 3) ‘’hoof’’, ponies have hooves.
>The two PIs pushed
-PIs ? Really ? ...no need for lazy acronyms, don’t you think ?
>batter-covered pickle on a stick.
-A ‘pickle on a stick’ ?.. I smell something funny here.
>“Nah, I’m way too tough to get sick,” Lofty said with a proud huff.
-Truly. Famous last words.
>Celestia’s head banged in the same direction; unfortunately, that was where one of the bolts for the safety bar was located
-This ride is clearly not up to the proper security standards, this is scandalous ! Sue them !
>the terrifying visage of the most evil creature to ever grace Equestrian Mythology: THE HUMAN.
-Huhhhhh... I think they have a few -millions- other creatures a BIT more terrifying than a puny human...
Also, I’m not sure if I really like that idea that humans are an ‘’extinct’’ species, like it’s implied here (or if it really fits in this story). Went to another planet (colony) for whatever reason (fled, because of Discord ?), Are from another dimension (portals ?), *Insert other possible scenario*...
>Besides, I can tell when a child is lying.
-Again, this only concern one individual, which is a pony, so : foal (generic term).
>Twilight’s memory of her first bicycle
-Pony on bicycle... must be quite a sight, really.
>If Kuchen still had lips, they would had been salivating at the potential awaiting him.
-He’s not very bright, isn’t he ? ...being mostly goo, and having literally mud for brain and all, I suppose.
>A tentacle shot around Twilight’s neck, wrapping itself tightly before pulling her upwards.
-He’s in YOUR brain now Twilight, your own terrain, do something ! Crush him with all the might and magic the will of your mind posses !
>And you’d better not be lying about it, either. Trust me, I know where you live.”
-It’s gonna be one hell of a job to forward his mail from Pinky’s mind to hers, though.
---
@Nova25
ReplyDelete---
>“Well, if he’s really sorry, we can’t just let him die, can we?”
-Yes, let live the quasi-demonic ghost of a mass-murder, who send the skin of their best friend to Royalty, and plan to exterminate gods, while haunting the minds of your ancestors for 500+ years... That’s sounds like a good idea.
Now, let’s see movies and series that did this... oh... oh dear... Mmh, never mind. It’s a terrible idea.
>His half-melted hoof grasped onto Pinkie’s. “Frheaihfnds.”
>Kuchen stared at his new body, utterly perplexed by what had just occurred. “What is this? I…I feel wonderful!”
-No... sorry, but this just feels like a dumb twist here.
Yeeeeeah, next time I see Attila, Caligula or Vlad the Impaler, I’m gonna offer them ‘friendship’ see what they will do, between 2 bloody massacre. Clearly, they deserve to not return to the void where they belong...
The author couldn’t POSSIBLY just make him melt away, after finally getting what he had always truly wanted ; his spirit ultimately appeased by the revelation or whatever... nooooooo... Satan made ‘’flesh’’ is now eating cake !!
Truly. If there is **ONE!** bad decision, from the author, in ALL those stories, it’s here.
---
>She was right. I really am Nightmare Moon.
-And she’s worst than just ‘’trollestia’’. The worst kind of people are those who try to make you feel bad for something they are responsible, through subtle poisonous words and subversive psychology.
-----
It started fine, it went great and interesting, it then fell flatter than someone falling from the 100story building from the point ‘’the creator of the pony-necronomicon!’’ was friendship-onized into the image of a ‘’friendly circus clown’’ !
...incredibly disappointed by this incredulous decision.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteOh yeah? Well...
You're absolutely right. The last chapter was awful, and I feel deeply ashamed to have ever posted it.
Everything in it was flat wrong. The humor was weak. The spelling was bad. The grammar was atrocious. And of course, the ending to the Kuchen plotline was a waste of all our time.
Seriously, I've gotten so much flack for that stupid plot choice I'm half considering just rewriting the thing altogether. The problem is, having Twilight let Kuchen die basically means she intentionally tortured a pony (who had already been disintegrating over a five hundred year period) to death, and then just stood by and watched him die. So, I either killed Kuchen and had Twilight act out of character, or I give him some redemption and make an idiot of myself. Not that either option is exactly sparse in this fic.
So...yeah. Wrote myself into a corner, and screwed up royally trying to get out. I'm sorry.
Oh, and the Human thing? That was just a bad joke. I've just been getting sick of every fic with humans going on and on about how horrible they are and how wonderful the pony civilization is, and...never mind. It sounded better in my head.
Sorry if I sound defensive or anything. I'm just...not happy with this fic right now. Oh well, back to the next chapter. That's sure to be a bigger disappointment.
@pg13fresno
ReplyDeleteWait? Wut? I thought the way you handled Kutchen was PURE GENIUS!
Recall that the VERY PILOT of this series has a mare who would freeze the world in a slow an lightless death, due to a psychotically broken mind, driven by insane jealousy, be not only turned good and purified of her evil, but also forgiven, and offered friendship.
THAT IS THE MOST WONDERFULLEST, MOST PERFECTEST direction that Pinkie Pie could have taken this, and Twilight was a genius for realizing that what helped her own friends in the second season opener, might awaken the broken Kutchen from his degradation of mind.
Celestia did do wrong to Kutchen, and he broke.
Really Nova25... You seem to have forgotten what this entire series is actually all about. For shame! I'm incredibly disappointed in your unwillingness to embrace the heart of MLP:FiM's philosophy when applied to a fanfic.
Despite what he did, Pinkie and Twilight found a way to bring peace to a restless spirit and purify it of it's evil.
Don't you let a hater influence you, pg13fresno!
Also, Celestia is a filly, and her mind has CLEARLY been influenced by her younger state. You've never argued with a child before, have you. That, or if you have, you haven't really experienced how immaturity can affect the words they choose. I remember very stupid things said to parents or other adults in anger when I was just a little kid. Didn't truly mean them, but that's how the mind of a child works.
ReplyDeleteLuna snapped, and hit her sister.
Neither thing was right, but Nova25, you are acting like Celestia IS an adult and committed some horrific offense by choosing such hate filled words. She's a child, and her filly mind is influenced by this fact. She is in fact NOT acting responsibly, because children are simply not as responsible as adults.
There is a reason 8 year olds are not given credit cards, car keys, or the right to enter into contracts...
Kids are dumb. :)
Still, those words hurt Luna. She shouldn't have hit Celestia, but you try to remain calm when your ONLY flesh and blood in existence opens a wound that had you imprisoned in a 1000 year solitude of punishment... All because of a time when your own mind truly had been corrupted.
There are bound to be some intense phycological pains embedded in those words, hence why Luna snapped and stuck the filly who uttered them.
Geez Nova25? Come on! And you're giving pg13fresno crap? Grow up.
I'm quite amazed at how well his interpretation of the phycology of this situation has been!
I want to commend his writing!
It's GRRRRRRRREAT!!! XD
Seriously, This story never ceases to amaze me!
And don't let a few parasprites get you down. Some people just can't understand real drama and psychology. They can only handle the G rated happy, happy, joy, joy stuff.
@pg13fresno
ReplyDeleteListen, seriously? Don't take Nova to heart. He's always like that. I don't think I've ever seen a positive comment from him. His reviews really should come with a warning label.
Personally, I liked the way Kuchen wrapped up. Like Rich said, Twilight would always give a badguy the chance to reform. If he was unable to hold himself together without his hate to drive him, that would be kind of poetic, but she would never just blow him away without being pushed into it.
I thought THE HUMAN was funny. Celestia's internal monologue about it, perhaps less so, but it wasn't more than a momentary eye-roll. Nothing to freak out about.
Luna and Celestia fighting was painful, but it's been brewing for a long time. It didn't feel out of character at all. Kids are well-known for using the most hurtful thing they could possibly say, and it wouldn't hurt Luna so deeply if she wasn't already worried that it was true.
It was kind of like an Abbot and Costello routine, in a way -- I could easily see where each of them was coming from, and how they were missing (or dismissing) one another's points.
@pg13fresno
ReplyDeleteEverything ? Absolutely not, the rest is fine.
Just the choice made for the (relatively important) plot point that was 'Kutchen'.
---
The evil quasi-demonic bad guy didn't have to ''live'' to be redeemed... this is where lies the core of the problem.
He *already* gained redemption, and I suppose ''peace'', from what he saw in Twilight's mind, from the realization he faces and accepts as he's dissolving.
Twilight gave him that chance, the chance to finally get what he *really* truly desired for more than 500+ years...
Without this act of ''faith'', or rather 'hope' from her, he would have continued his rampage of hate and destruction... forever seeking something that he couldn't find alone, by himself.
It would have been very fitting for him to... fade away, to let his descendant(s) live their life without his intrusive dark shadow after he finally was able to let go of his blind rage-filled obsession that was binding him to this world, his mind ultimately appeased.
@richfiles
ReplyDelete>I'm incredibly disappointed in your unwillingness to embrace the heart of MLP:FiM's philosophy when applied to a fanfic.
-This... doesn't really mean much, by itself, you know ?
While I'm, almost always, for the light-hearted and generally positive elements from the series... surely, you are aware that those elements are/and have to be occasionally adapted to fit the setting of the story, yes ?
-And, in regard to my *POSITION* about ''Kutchen plot's end'' : @Nova25
>Don't you let a hater influence you, pg13fresno!
-I'm not here to pick fights, but I resent this vile accusation.
People need to put that in their head, I'm not a 'troll' nor am I a 'hater', and stop jumping to such easy words whatever someone express with details and (semi)controlled-emotional reaction their opinions, thoughts, interpretation of situation, and display of various facts and information.
@silentcarto
ReplyDelete>Don't take Nova to heart.
-You are right. What I think, say, expose, and discuss is *NEVER* written in cold rigid steel, despite what some people are convinced of.
One write, one read, one use his own brain and decides whatever the comment is worth to them, and what it gives them/can they gain for it.
>He's always like that. I don't think I've ever seen a positive comment from him.
-You clearly haven't saw the other several hundreds of stories I have read so far...
...or haven't even checked my other comments in this story alone, apparently ?
Be careful with the 'generalization'.
>Twilight would always give a badguy the chance to reform.
-Well, she did in fact do that, by giving him the chance to redeem himself to his own eyes by allowing him access to her precious 'good memories' with Celestia, and making him finally find peace with himself after the realization he has thanks to her.
Also, about 'Kutchen' in more details : @Nova25
Hey, Chapter 15 is up!
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1q5YhwfSTm-SvOSklsNn7SDN1hX-r_cPjLMwIPRi3h0Y/edit
Enjoy! Or, given some of the feedback I'm getting, not. Either way, on to the next chapter!
@pg13fresno
ReplyDeleteNot enough Flutteryay and Twisquee in the WORLD to express my *squee* right now!
Also... Have you seen your rating at FIMfiction.net?
ReplyDelete389 like
5 dislike
I think the consensus is clear. Some people just wanna watch the world burn... Or shoot down good authors.
pg13fresno... You freakin' RAWK!!!
Seriously, this story is amazing! Keep up the AWESOME!!!
I've preloaded the story on my tablet, and I am gonna go off and read it tonight after I run my errands!
Thanks for all the hard work!!!
Awesome, new chapter!
ReplyDelete... wait a second...
Luna growled a little at the prospect of being a taste tester again, but obeyed her sister’s commands and ran inside the cave. She washed her hands in the water-filled...
Think you might have derped a bit there.
Okay, finished the chapter. A very heartwarming chapter, but it's the strangest thing - I have no idea how far through the story we are. It feels like it's coming to a close, but Blueblood and the tax stuff could potentially explode into complications! I'm very much looking forward to seeing how this turns out.
ReplyDeleteOh gawd, chapter 15 has me BAWLING! PWAAAAAAAAA! *blows nose and sniffs*
ReplyDeleteAmazingly well-told and such new depth to the characters! <3
Okay. We're coming to a close and Blueblood's "plan" has yet to have a payoff. There are two possiblities here. 1: Blueblood enacts his plan shortly after Celestia's cured, nopony believes him and he's made a laughingstock out of himself. Again. 2: Blueblood successfully manages to expose this whole debacle to the citizens of Equestria, in which case he most likely gets completely screwed because the ponies get over it quickly and decide they don't care. This fic has been surprisingly politically accurate (read: believable, I don't know anything about politics) so far though, so who knows?
ReplyDelete« "One of the worst enemies in such situations is overreaction and even panic. Nixon once advised that when circumstances are the hottest is when leaders must be the coolest."
ReplyDelete~Ken Khachigian »
-----
>did you really want to, you know…kill him?
>How could you possibly forgive a pony like that?
-Some confusion between ‘forgiving someone general actions’(or not forgiving it) and ‘kicking its ass back to the Void’(or allowing it to continue existing)...
You can do both at the same time, you know ? They aren’t auto-excluding.
>And I used that same emotion to try and torture a pony to death.
-What’s the nonsense with the mention of ‘’torture’’ ? Unless you’re stretching pretty damn WIDE the application of the word... she didn’t ‘’torture’’ him !
Showing ‘friendship lessons’ to an evil ghost-pony, or not helping the demonic-like ghost as he progressively disappear because he’s losing cohesion (Due to finding REDEMTION, thus losing his reason to even exist in the first place)... ISNT ‘’torture’’.
Maybe (somewhat justified) emotionally disconnected, because of the context and the murderous/psychopathic ghost’s actions, yes... but not ‘torture’.
Using the word for its ‘shock value’ or whatever is questionable. It just doesn’t have any real reason to be used.
Also... he was ALREADY technically dead ! He stayed in a state of constant hatred and psychopathic rage for 500 years, as a broken ghost-like thing !
>I think that’s a far nicer thing than just letting him rot away because you don’t like some of the things he did.
-She had already gave him *redemption*, when and before he was disappearing... he could have continued his way toward the afterlife with a damn smile, after painfully existing for *500 Years*.
---
@Nova25
ReplyDelete---
>“And the worst part is, she’s right. I’m really not a good sister.”
-Neither is she...
>It was already in disuse a thousand years ago, but we had ordered that it be maintained at all times.
>unused and broken in the far corner. >a few shelves filled with empty soup cans.
-If it hadn’t been used in more than a thousand years... why is there ‘empty soup cans’ there ? Did they existed 1000+ years ago ?
Also... so much for the ‘’ordered that it be maintained’’ part (clearly, some ponies are doing a poor job) ?
>“Did you ever wonder why Canterlot was built here?” Luna asked.
-...I can easily think of about tens good reasons. One of them being the fact that it’s a MAJOR and significative landmark...
>I I will be in her study if you need me.
-A small error here.
>“Oh, and I have a cake on my head. That helps, too.”
-...? Huh ? ...wait, since when ? *search word* ...Mmh, well what do you know, she did.
Being that I missed the line, or maybe that my mind simply registered that information has perfectly normal for her and glanced over it... It’s so random, yet with Pinky Pie it makes sense. :)
Also, ‘cake hat’. Truly, the next fashion trend.
>Now go wash up for dinner. I gathered some new plants to try.
-If it’s a blue flower, or if the leaves are ‘palmately compound or digitate, with serrate leaflets’... don’t eat those. ‘’Funny’’ stuff would happen.
...also... *THIS* small past-scene was pretty interesting...
>And let’s not that her ‘true self’ wouldn’t have been
-Is there... a missing word, around the ‘’let’s not’’ ? The sentence sounds odd ?
>I could always use some extra help sowing some chaos, perhaps even preparing for the next slaughter.
-‘Chaos’ doesn’t *always* mean ‘Evil’, you know ? I mean... just because he’s a ‘’chaos god’’, doesn’t mean his goal (one of them) is to automatically to ‘’induce’’ death/blood/murder/etc-like-that everywhere through his chaotic actions, whenever he can ?
For real there... The most basic example/comparison I can think of right now is D&d (not the stupid ‘’new’’ alignment system of the 4th Ed.), with the ethical and moral perspectives : Lawful/Neutral/Chaotic - Good/Neutral/Evil.
*---
This part has been /cut to allow for better, more civilized, control of what is invariably gonna happen next...
*EVERYTHING, between and above the *--- mark have been written at 2-3AM.*
*---
>parties for everpony, perhaps an orbital party fortress
-‘’everypony’’. Orbital Fortress sounds interesting.
>At least that would have spared her some of the more complex changes that had occurred.
-Like microwaves, maybe ? *insert generic laugh*
>Tomorrow morning, victory would be his.
-Things will happen, and just has he’s going to reveal stuff, Celestia will return to normal without him knowing, and then he will look like a fool or something.
-----
Stuff happened... Stuff will continue to happen. The end.
*---
ReplyDeleteThis part has been /cut to allow for better, more civilized, control of what is invariably gonna happen next...
Please to remain as calm as possible during the ‘dissection’ of the *original* reaction, and to take this as a ‘separate’ block from the above one.
---
-This amount of almost Cupcakes-like level of ‘grimdark’ is of atrociously bad taste within the parameters originally set, from the beginning this story.
-While Kutchen’s actions, in a previous Part, were described indirectly and with some form of distance ; here, it is forcibly shoved right in our face, lacking any kind of subtlety or gradation, is completely disconnected from the rest of the story as a whole, and clearly appears has added purely for shock-value and to make people angry/react with the sheer level of almost-Cupcakes detailed description.
-Personally, I find it inexcusable that the author felt the *need* to add this within his story.
-Hopefully, I will hit my head somewhere and blissfully forget that I ever read this ‘section’, and that the author never really added this despicable ‘section’ to an otherwise *perfect story*... and hopefully still be able to enjoy whatever may come in the future...
»The /cut starts here :
*EVERYTHING, below here and above the *--- mark have been written at 2-3AM.*
---
>Her once majestic wings were now shredded, bloodied messes stuck to the sides of her body.
-Funny... I don’t remember this story having a ‘grimdark’ tag ?
I mean, ok, they are events from a distant and harsher time... but why the heck the sudden change with the rest of the entirety of the story, ‘’just’’ for those ?
Seems like an unnecessary shift (in atmosphere), even if temporary.
>he beam’s position moved along with it, until it was over a new target: Luna.
-SHE made that solar flare-laser (made into a laser ? Really ?) from the Sun’s energy, couldn’t she... you know, direct it somewhere else ? It’s not like Discord took control of her solar-laser-flare-thing ?
>Celestia was still alive, but almost every inch of her skin was burnt a crisp black.
-Really ? A goddess Alicorn that control the Sun itself... isn’t immune to its ‘’fire’’ ?
It’s like a fish that can’t breath underwater..?
>Luna was still only half-up when she heard her sister’s anguished screams, along with the ripping of flesh from muscle. >Bones cracked, hairs were pulled, and claws tore through flesh. >Her coat and skin were torn in several places, while her mane had been almost completely pulled from her scalp. One eye was missing, and all four of her legs were broken (...)
-Oh for **** sake ?!
I... I simply CAN’T believe this ? This is a masquerade. Plainly and simply.
*WHY ?* My mind just can’t process or think of whatever reasons may have push the author to fall into such disgusting ‘grimdark’, all of a sudden ?
We are at the FIFTEENTH STORY ! What could possibly justify the use of terrible ‘grimdark’ AFTER so many parts containing NONE coming close of ‘that’ ?
...oowwww... Just ignore whatever I said. No one is even going to give a glance or a second-though at what’s happening, or care about whatever I’m saying, anyway. Just going to applaud happily, while spitting in my direction...
I mean... I can’t possibly be the only one thinking you don’t just do that, whatever the reason, after 14 parts ?
---
...How can I be expected to continue reading, and *enjoy* the story after ‘THAT!’ ?...
I’m just... too tired, drained, whatever word you want... This is just too much of a brutal shift in everything the story was, for me.
I may not even finish it. From memories, in all the stories I have ever read, that only happened once before to me.
I will go sleep now. Yes, I’m writing that... I just don’t care anymore, right now.
*---
@Nova25
ReplyDelete*sigh*
I was horribly unsure about including the full Discord scene when I was writing the fic. I hinted all the way back in Chapter Seven that Discord had almost killed Celestia, and intended to use it to further give a reason why Luna was so despondent after hitting Celestia in Chapter Fourteen. (I mean besides "I just smacked my sister so hard the bruise showed through her fur.")
I even mentioned back on my blog at FimFiction that I was thinking of censoring the scene, but everyone that responded to the post or read the scene IRL thought it was fine. When taken as a whole, though, you're right. It was wrong to include it as-is.
I'll edit the fic and throw up the censored version soon. The uncensored bit will be relegated to the blog for those who want to read it.
For those interested, the censored version changes the following:
- The bit with Celestia's wings is mostly untouched.
- When Celestia gets hit by the solar flare, the censored version just says she was badly burnt. It doesn't describe it in detail.
- Discord's taunts while Luna is cowering are cut.
- There is no description of Celestia's body. Instead, the scene cuts back to present!Luna, who simply says that Celestia was "barely alive" without any mention of her actual injures. The scene then continues as normal after Discord drops Celestia's body.
I know, I've already murdered my own fic. I just wanted to wrap up every loose end I could before the end.
Even if you throw the fic away, thanks for reading this far, Nova. Your posts were always some of the most informative responses I've gotten, and I'm always glad for some constructive criticism.
what the FUCK IS THE PROBLEM WITH THIS BLOODY FANDOM?! and i'm not talking about the author either.
ReplyDeletethis is why we can't have good things. an author puts up a story, painstakingly having written every word and having every single right in the world to write as they wish, and fans immediately blast whatever it is that's written.
It's like the entire incident with Derpy. There's ALWAYS somepony that just CAN'T be satisfied and out-shouts everypony else and eventually forces the author to FUCKING APOLOGIZE FOR WRITING.
GOD DAMNIT.
/rant.
keep up the good work, pg13fresno, and NEVER let ANYPONY tell you what to do. NEVER. That's the road to shitty utopias like G3.5.
@The Wandering Magus
ReplyDelete@pg13fresno
Honestly... what can I say ?
What would people honestly believe I should say ?
When someone, anyone post a comment voicing his/her opinion and his/her concerns about a thing... it would be hypocritical to say that this person doesn't expect a little something to change, or at least to be acknowledged.
Me, I always try to make what I say clear and understandable(as much as I can manage)... even if my way to do so is, *occasionally*, a bit harsher than what I want.
But, strong issues will bring stronger emotions, and thus a greater difficulty in properly discussing them through... well, the Internet.
When I raise awareness about something I think may be an issue, I hardly ever expect anything to change, since it's essentially 1 person against-hundreds?-thousands?-of people, most of the time.
Personally, I'm against 'censorship', but there's a difference (that many people don't realize) between 'censoring' and : 'fixing something out of place' or 'adapting bits of content to reach a maximum of interested people'.
@pg13fresno
To you, what could I say other than 'thank you for taking time to acknowledge my concerns, politely and calmly' ?, and that I'm... surprised that you actually decided to 'adapt' those few lines...
Also, really, don't despair just because of a handful of lines... 1 paragraph doesn't account for an entire story.
As a whole, the story so far counts between some of the best out there.
So, continue writing and to go forward.
Finally, I can only reiterate that I don't have anything against you or your story, at any personal level... it was only the ''heavy-duty grimdark'' that wasn't exactly at its right place, within this story.
@The Wandering Magus
To you more specifically,
first) No need to pour more oil on the fire by dragging the case of 'Derpy' in all this. It wouldn't help anyone, right now.
second) I would like to bring your attention to the fact that I have never, in my comments : *forced*, *threatened*, or *begged* the author to adapt those few line (not the entire story, by the way. Just so we are clear.).
I simply displayed my concerns about an issue, provided some details and some support to make myself clear (even if a bit emotional, I concede, but still valid. As I said, things that bring stronger reactions are harder to discuss), and let him free to decide on his own.
Also, no need to overgeneralize with the ''whole fandom'' thing.
Everyone is free to think whatever they want, and do whatever they wish to...
People are free to not listen and consider what other people say, and only follow what they think, BUT!...something you seem to glance over... people are also free to listen and think about what other people said, and to adapt and change whatever they wish to, as much as they wish to, if they decide it's what they want.
By saying >NEVER let ANYPONY tell you what to do. NEVER.<, you are also guilty of what you are accusing me to... just backward.
Will I hold that against you ? No. Why would I ?
The author do what he wants, based on what information he has, and go according to what he believes is for the best.
(also, in case you didn't see... he said there's 2 versions now. One *very slightly adapted*, and one with the Cupcakes-level grimdark.)
@The Wandering Magus
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but I absolutely despise an attitude like that. If something is bad, it's bad, it doesn't matter how hard the creator worked on it. If people were only allowed to give praise, everything would suck total shit.
(I'm not saying it IS in this case, though as I've said before I think this story really took a mood swing at certain points and this last chapter ups the ante even more)
Okay, the alternate version is ready. It's not light and happy, but I toned down the gore and violence to "implied" levels and removed some other questionable bits. Otherwise, it's the same.
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1jusrxovk9zmYu8EgOg7BVHRMK3D74iEgt_U2iUKPNb4/edit
@Melodia Don't worry. The dark times are over, the sisters are no longer feuding, and there is only a little left to do.
@pg13fresno
ReplyDeleteThis fic is a masterpiece! Don't let a few whiners force changes on you. YOU created it, not them.
If you truly feel it necessary to create a non grimdark version of this chapter... Here's what you do...
Write it and place it as a new 16th part. Leave this chapter in place, UNTOUCHED, save for minor spelling fixes, and one more thing.
Put a HUGE disclaimer at the top saying if grimdark squicks you out, click the next chapter for a cleaner version, otherwise, just continue reading.
For the love of all good things... Don't HIDE what you've created.
That gives the reader choice of the REAL story, or a lighter, censored version.
What ever you do though, don't hide what you've created! It's an amazing work!
I watched people tear down other authors and utterly destroy their will to continue. MaskOfData's "The Sun is Tired" is a perfect example of fic trolls and whiners killing an author's will and spark to create. I've seen some very vocal commenters ripping on your fic. I've seen some of these same users being vocal in the comments section leading up to the demise of "The Sun is Tired" also... I really do not like these people. I won't pull any punches in that regard. If they don't like the direction a story goes, these users seem to aim all their guns at the story and the author and fire till either the author gives in and follows their will, or they break the will of the author to continue.
PLEASE!!!
Do not give in to these AGENTS of DISCORD!!!
========================================
♪ Dressmaking's easy, every customer's call ♪
♪ Brings a whole new revision ♪
♪ Have to pick up the pace, still hold to my vision ♪
========================================
Are you still holding to your vision...
or are you going to let your clients guide you on a path you know isn't right?
@Nova25
I don't want to argue with you anymore.
I'm so tired of hearing your whining.
You already know how I feel about people trying to force changes on an author's vision with caustic words.
I have nothing more to say to you tonight.
You will only bring me down to your level of insensitiveness and beat me with experience.
@The Wandering Magus
Well said. There are people in this fandom so concerned about them or someone else being SO OFFENDED that they think they have to speak out on behalf of everypony, as LOUD as they can to "fix" the problem... When the problem is in their head. If one does not like the story, then they should stop reading it. Some people won't stop until they break an author. I spoke of an example of this earlier in this message.
@Melodia
I'm not tired of it! I am quite glad people are willing to speak out FOR authors! I am glad people are willing to speak out AGAINST people who do everything within their capability to BREAK authors. They either break their will to CREATE, or they break their will to follow their vision. These LOSERS have ruined COUNTLESS fics in the past, just cause they didn't like those fics, or the direction the authors took them.
Have you SEEN the HATE in the Past Sins comments? In "The Sun is Tired" comments... Pen Stroke had the will to carry on. MaskOfData did not.
WHY do people EVEN WASTE their time spreading hate against something they don't like. We aren't talking about people who make a comment about how to improve things... They just belittle the author and their story... All cuz they don't like some aspect of it.
They don't stop reading... THey just keep reading something they don't like so they can keep belittling it!
To quote someone...
I'm sorry, but I absolutely despise an attitude like that.
I felt this story has been perfectly executed!
P.E.R.F.E.C.T.L.Y.
@richfiles
ReplyDelete>Don't let a few whiners force changes on you.
>Put a HUGE disclaimer at the top saying if grimdark squicks you out, click the next chapter for a cleaner version
-Sigh... I may be seeing things, but... I may be smelling a cheap/low blow there ?
>I watched people tear down other authors and utterly destroy their will to continue. MaskOfData's "The Sun is Tired" is a perfect example of fic trolls and whiners killing an author's will and spark to create.
-For one, this story is a whole, *completely* independent case, and trying to bring people into an unrelated issue from another story isn't proper.
And, it appears you forgot (conveniently) to add that it was a LARGE group of people that read the stories, and that all agreed (on a relatively good majority) that it had a potentially-interesting core concept, but had a lot of severly major flaws...
You really see trolls everywhere, don't you ?
---
>I'm so tired of hearing your whining.
-Seriously... you really just have as big a problem as you're claiming I have ?..
Can't bring any form of reasonable discussion or argumentation, in a civilized fashion, without you replying acidly to whatever I and some other people say as they voice opinions and arguments beyond simple/basic ones, and just 'pointing' how bad they are and that no one should listen to wait they are trying to say.
-Proper conversations have positive and negative points and exchanges... it's part of what make a (good) *multi-sided* discussion.
>You already know how I feel about people trying to force changes on an author's vision with caustic words.
-Again... you go around and suppose stuff about me.
One or 2 comments here and there are hardly an accurate representation of someone, especially when you always seem to see the same thing whatever is said...
Also, I *NEVER* force people.
I expose my point(s), bring details and support, and then wait.
»I'm not the one that do the final decision in the end, and you know that.
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>Have you SEEN the HATE in the Past Sins comments? In "The Sun is Tired" comments.
-Again, as I said earlier, extremely different circumstances in each case, which you display as if the same.
And, again forgetting the fact Pen Stroke DID edited his story a bit, from some suggestion of people HE accepted... AND from his OWN free will (he said so himself, at one point) !
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...I really don't want to make suppositions there, but you seem to always be going after people who dare to want to discuss of the more negative aspects of stories and those more ''active'' in their comments ?
Always trying to display them as trolls, or haters, or ''whiners'', or losers and other insulting generic term at any occasion you have ?
You aren't forced to point at every single person having a (somewhat heated or active) conversation, and yell TROLL!/hater (and other similar terms).
Seriously, what's your problem ?
In any case, if you don't want to *discuss*... it's your *own* choice.
this is awesome!!!
ReplyDelete@pg13fresno I'd just add one little thing. Right at the end of the story, Discord needs to face the enemy all wicked, powerful beings must face before their destruction:
ReplyDeleteDiscord must face the Doctor!
Whooves wasn't present during Discord's time in "The Return of Harmony". I theorized that he'd left to find something, an object he knew could destroy Discord. He recognized what Discord was at last and where he'd come from, and knew of a single object in that mad world that could kill him.
The Discord in this story deserves nothing else! Making ponies eat each other... I'LL STRANGLE HIM MYSELF!!! *goes SSJ9000!!!* IT'S ON BEEEEYATCH!!! Discord's statue manages to pee itself in terror.
They made up! Yay! Things are finally getting together, and I smell a happy ending!
ReplyDeleteOh wait...Blueblood *spits on the ground*
" In my defense, I will say that Discord's behavior was a little justified, at least when I was planning the thing. He was trying to get back to dinner, and Celestia kind of pushed the whole idea of an actual fight, even after he told her how pointless it was. Either way, Celestia was something he had to remove, and if it meant he could break Luna at the same time, all the better.
ReplyDeleteIt always did bother me how so many people latch onto Discord like he was some kind of misunderstood prankster, or he and Celestia were friends or whatnot. The last one is at least understandable, and has been done well in fics. But Discord is not a prankster. He is a psychopath. He didn't need to play a game to defeat the Mane 6; he could have just brainwashed them all and been done with it. But no, he wanted to use five of them to break Twilight, which would then break Celestia, which would represent his ultimate triumph. And keep in mind that in the show's canon, he was doing this for EONS. I would have been happy to have his defeat in RoH be the end, but apparently he's coming back again."
Holy shit... that has to be the darkest depiction of Discord I've ever read. Discord's been portrayed as a murder before, but I don't know if he's ever been shown forcing ponies into cannibalism. A parallel example of two diametrically differing views of a character would be the Joker; either he's a prankster with a criminal bent, or he's sociopath. And don't misunderstand me, it's a very well written bit and pleasant diversion from the humor that punctuates the rest of the story. Kudos to you, my good sir !
ReplyDelete@richfiles
ReplyDelete"MaskOfData's "The Sun is Tired" is a perfect example of fic trolls and whiners killing an author's will and spark to create. I've seen some very vocal commenters ripping on your fic. I've seen some of these same users being vocal in the comments section leading up to the demise of "The Sun is Tired" also... I really do not like these people."
Bullshit. MoD writing himself into a literary corner is what killed The Sun is Tired. And I know that is true because he told me that he had done it when I was one of his pre-readers, and was having difficulty digging himself out of the whole he had dug. The only thing the comments did is make him aware of how his attempts to get out of it weren't working.
"If they don't like the direction a story goes, these users seem to aim all their guns at the story and the author and fire till either the author gives in and follows their will, or they break the will of the author to continue."
Oh, I'm sorry. I don't see a GrimDark tag up there. Do you somehow see one? Because that's the only reason that "shut up and deal with it" would be valid.
"Have you SEEN the HATE in the Past Sins comments? In "The Sun is Tired" comments... Pen Stroke had the will to carry on. MaskOfData did not."
Pen Stroke listened to valid criticism and corrected flaws in the story that he agreed were there. He even went back and tweaked some things when he didn't get it right the second time; and he ultimately agreed that the rewritten story was the superior one or he wouldn't have done so. Mask of Data decided that he couldn't fix the story based on the valid criticism that he was receiving, so he dumped it.
And, like it or not, a story randomly going full Cupcakes-level Grimdark 15 chapters in with no warning about how it will be portrayed is a flaw with the story, and pg13fresno did well to correct it to be more in line with how the story is tagged (even if the scene is still a bit left-field as it is now). I don't go into a Normal/Random story and expect to see shit that you wouldn't bat an eye at if it happened in For Want of a Dawn, and I sure as hell don't think it's okay for the author to just drop it on people and expect them to deal with it. I didn't think it was for Divergence when Twilight was nearly raped by Nightmare, and I don't think it was for this story; and for that reason I have far more respect for the author who can own up to his/her mistakes than one of his readers who blindly defends him/her.
The author is perfectly capable of leaving all of his written works the way they are first written, but when something like this happens, his/her readers are similarly perfectly capable of abandoning the story as a result. I doubt pg13fresno wants that, and as a result I (surprisingly) agree with everything Nova25 has said on the matter and agree with pg13fresno's actions in response.
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteI've actually tried emailing the mods about getting the Dark tag added a couple times. So far they haven't done anything.
But yeah, it was.not a good story choice in retrospect. I'm sorry I caused all this drama. Perhaps ending this unholy mess next chapter is not such a bad idea after all.
Well, I emailed Seth about the censored chapter and tags. Hopefully things will be fixed soon.
ReplyDeleteOnce again, I must apologize. I know I sound like a broken record, but I f'ed up bad and ruined a good story. The next chapter is gearing back to the funny, and if all goes well, will tie up everything with a nice bow.
I...I can't believe I could have made a mistake this big.
damnit people. you made the guy apologize. you made the guy apologize for writing his own story. you made the guy apologize, then REPEAT his apology over and over again.
ReplyDeletey'all happy now?
@pg13fresno
ReplyDeleteYou didn't F up, or ruin the story, or anything. The ONLY mistake was failing to give forewarnnig of the darker turn. THe darker turn itself was PERFECTLY acceptable.
YOU are letting others make you THINK you made a mistake in your writing, and you DID NOT.
As I said, the ONLY potential mistake was that you forgot to request a change to the tags.
That's all. Nothing more.
I, quite honestly, thought the chapter was a PERFECT culmination of why the princesses exploded, and why they reacted how they did.
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The fact that there are little shits leaving comments that have gotten the author to the point of thinking he ruined a good story and that he made grave mistakes, and that he should just end this story as soon as possible... SHAME on every one of you. Just go the hell away and don't return.
I want to say worse things to all of you... But I told myself I would not speak in that manner.
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Pg13fresno... YOur story choices WERE good, and they WERE meaningful. There are just too many damn crybabies here who go on the attack against art and fics at the drop of a hat.
I for one, defend your initial choices. This is one of my favorite stories, and I wouldn't change a thing. They there be an alt grimlight chapter for those who don't want the gory details, but please pull yourself out of whatever it is authors wallow in and stop thinking your story failed at any point...
It. Did. Not. Fail.
It was amazing!
First! :D
ReplyDelete@The Wandering Magus
I didn't really enjoy the "ancient history" sections either. It almost seemed like a chunk of another fic dropped in the middle of this one. I didn't mind Kuchen, but that stuff with Discord... ugh. It was a pretty unpleasant tone shift.
I'm honestly kind of relieved to be done with all the history stuff. This story is at its best, I think, when it's Fillestia being cute and Luna trying to fill her horseshoes.
Tia and Luna's heart to heart almost felt like a return to the style of the first few chapters, to me. And the Anti-Smile Equation made me laugh -- I mean the name and Pinkie's over-dramatic inner monologue, not making Celestia cry.
Look, can't we all agree to disagree? Some people liked it, some didn't. Everyone has the right to express their opinions. Let's just keep it civil, all right?
ReplyDeleteAnd besides...WE JUST BROKE 400 COMMENTS!
You know what this calls for? A PAR-
Oh...right. Got the next chapter to finish. Sorry, go party without me.
I swear to Celestia I didn't break any comments. They were already broken when I got here.
ReplyDelete