[5 p.m. CST, 4 p.m. Equestrian] An enormous banner featuring Rainbow Dash in a patriotic pose has been illegally draped on the front of the White House during the night, sources in the capitol say.
Press releases and independent reporting from multiple sources has confirmed the vandalism, which has since been removed by White House staff. As was previously suspected by capitol officials, the radical group Equestrian Evangelists did indeed claim responsibility for the act early this morning.
"The American government has forced our hoof," the press release read in part. "This is but one small step in the direction of the spreading of the gospel of the one and true best pony."
"We will not stop until this country is 20% cooler than it is right now," the release says.
This is not the first time the group has committed acts of vandalism and defacement to government property in pursuit of spreading word of Rainbow Dash, the group's de facto mascot. In 2009, the group performed a similar act on the Treasury building, claiming that it needed to produce United States currency featuring ponies instead of previous presidents.
President Obama issued a response to the vandalism earlier this afternoon, stating in no uncertain terms that the group, which is based in Canada, will feel the full might of the United States military for their latest transgression in what the President called 'pony patriotism'.
"The United States is, and has always been, loyal to Twilight Sparkle, and we, as a country, will not stand for this deliberate act of sabotage on our soil," the President said in his address to the American people.
"We have begun operations in Canada to root out and bring the ringleaders of this organization to justice," Obama said.
![]() |
| Obama in his speech early this afternoon. Photo courtesy of AP. |
Hours after his address to the nation, reports were received of armored tank columns rolling past the border checkpoints between Canada and the United States. Other armored vehicles and personnel carriers followed soon afterward.
"We are very serious about protecting the sanctity of the real best pony," Obama said.
The United Nations has condemned this action by the United States, claiming that the military action was not approved before it began.
"President Obama did not confer with the United Nations before launching this attack," a spokesperson for the UN said in a press release soon after the campaign began. "We did not authorize this invasion, and probably would not have, given the time, on the grounds that Fluttershy is the best pony anyway."
![]() |
| United States tank entering Canada. Photo courtesy of AP. |
Other countries around the world have weighed in on the situation, but it's hard to keep the rhetoric away from pony-litical ideologies as the tension mounts between the nations of the world.
"I don't really understand what the big deal is," a spokesperson from the United Kingdom said to our reporter. "Rarity is clearly, objectively really, the best pony. I think all this fighting is just silly."
After the above quote was given, a colleague across the room to the spokesperson shouted, quite loudly, that Pinkie Pie was much better than Rarity. What followed was a stream of cursing and insults that forced our reporter to leave the building.
Stay tuned for continuing coverage of the situation as it unfolds.










476 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1 – 200 of 476 Newer› Newest»This is awesome
What.
oh u silly pony!!
So....what is this about?
There are no words to describe this...just...wow
And so begins World War 3 all because of ponies Celestia help us all
I'm laughing so hard.
Well played.
I actually thought the first pic was serious. But then I saw obama holding a twilight.
Then I KNEW it was true.
For half a second, I thought this was real XD. Silly.
Inb4first
And then World War III broke out.
Damn I already thought it was real :(
Modern Warfare 3, teaser trailer.
dudewhat
There's no possible way this is for real. Nothing can be this cool.
Poor Applejack.
Please for the love of all things holy tell me this is real, becuase if so I would gladly join the US military to fight for Twilight Sparkle's honor.
If none of the governments of the world will stand by Applejack, then Applejack will stand for anarchy.
Is it treason to America if I side with Rarity?
I actually checked CNN.com.
I was in the library when I read this and I started laughing so loud that everyone near me started staring.
Conflicting emotions... everywhere...
We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender until all know the glory of the Great and Powerful Trixie.
All right my comrades if by some chance this is real then We must and I repeat we must defend Twilight Honor who's with me HOO-RAH
I'm speechless.
I pissed myeslf.
We need more RP stuff like this and the Mars thing. It's just so freaking funny.
Also as a britain I would like to state that Rainbow Dash is indeed best pony.
An' nopony says anythin' about me, as usual *sighs*
@Horizon Bound Dude awesome quote from churchill well said well said
I read this and was like, "Shit, really?!" Then I kept reading and thought Pinkie Pie is the only pony you should go to war for
I lost it at the UN press release. Funny stuff as always, Cereal.
I shall side with Pinkie Pie in this best pony crusade.
Bronies and fillies! Let's remember who is the best pony! Friendship!
@zSONICoz I'm with you!
I'll gladly defect to whichever country side with Luna (though Twilight is my second favorite pony).
First I actually believed it, and I laughed.
Then I realized it was fake, and still laughed.
Then I read the rest of it, and laughed even more.
Cereal, you silly silly colt... xD
Then Texas finally seceded from the Union, stating they do not want to belong to a country that doesn't believe Applejack is the best pony.
Finally I agree with obama. Twilight Sparkle is, has been, and always will be the best pony.
FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!
I actually thought this was real until I saw "MARSHMELLOW PONY" in the first pic. Derp.
PINKIE PIED PIPERS UNITE!
One last thing. Who is the photoshop genius who did this and how can I learn how to do this?
80's Cheerilee is best pony anyway.
Gentlecolts, gentlecolts.
Stop this silly fighting.
There IS no best pony.
We should all worship Gilda instead!
The Revolution has begun, bronies. Now is the time for friendship.
Follow well in order, get your weapons ready! Have you your brushies? Have you your sharp-edged pencils?
For we cannot tarry here, We must march my Bronies, we must bear the brunt of danger,
We the youthful sinewy ponies, all the rest on us depend, Bronies, oh Bronies.
These look shooped. I can tell by pixels and seeing a number of shoops in my day. lol
But this article made me laugh hard. I think everyone is just confused. Let's set our differences aside. And be honest with ourselves. Octavia and Derpy are clearly the best ponies. With Trixie close behind. Germany for Ocatvia!
lol one problen thats not an american tank...
A post from The Onion?
O.o
No Applejack? *Cries*
Remember The War of 1812? Draping Rainbow Dash over the White House is pretty mild, dawgs.
Trixie is obviously the pony patron saint of North Korea. Obviously.
"You may have defeated International Communism, but you will *never* have the amazing, show-stopping ability of the GREAT AND POWERFUL NORTH KOREA!" *poof* *flee*
This was all believable until I noticed that Cereal Velocity posted it. At 3pm
I'm with the UN on this one.
holy crap! why does everything happens on the usa and not un mexicolt D:
XD consider me confused, am I slow for only being suspicious when he started rolling out tanks XD
Can I have the tank? It's cutie mark is excellent!
I`ll admit... I almost fell for it after seeing the first pic. It gets obviouss after that though... Well played indeed. 8D
Made my night
This is truely one of the most funniest false news report I have ever seen.
@Applejack don't worry Applejack we fight for Honor We fight for the apple pie you so graciouly make fo us
@Tr4fficLights
Yes.
Man alive, I truly thought these were real. Don't I wish. Still, Applejack is best pony,
I wish this was real XD sign me up for Rainbow Dash's army!
Why are we fighting? We should be loving and tolorating them... TO DEATH!
Makes you wonder if The Onion shows any "pony-related" news...
For the glory of the Lunar Republic!
Isn't there anyone out there supporting the Lunar Republic?!?!
Cant tell is Maximum Trollage or just 'shop job.
@Narwhals' Bend XD yeah that's what I thought
What?! No mention of the true BEST pony, the GREATEST and most POWERFUL pony of all?! The Great and Powerful Trixie will not stand for this!
Silly conservatives. Luna is the best pony, She rules over all.
...Wait Whut XD
@Blur
@Anonymous
Well thanks you two, makes mah heart happy to have fans
Well my goodness, that's quite hilarious.
This is fucking retarded.
When will Operation Overtroll begin Mr. President
Eveyone needs to calm down and listen to the UN so we don't degenerate into a Sonic-Rainboom war that devastates the globe.
Typical, no mention how the majority of Quebec (well 51% according to the great pony referendum) know that AppleJack is the best pony and do not support this movement. And people wonder why we want to separate...
*agrees with UN*
I'd love to see somepony actually try and place a pony banner near the White House(cause it would be impossible to physically put one *on* the W.H.)
On a off-topic note, Happy belated 20 mil. views, EqD!
@Applejack *sighs* she didn't read what I said I love apple pies! *hoping she heres this*
best thing ever
-XD
This is absolute fucking garbage. Never post shit like this again or I will stop coming here.
For Twilight!!!!!!! we must fight
I wish this was for real. That would be awesome. I actually thought it was until it got to the part with Obama and Twilight, lol.
The quotes convinced me because of that one time Trolls got Oprah to say "Over 9000 penises" on television.
@DareDreamer
It would be very easy to put up a banner on the fence outside the white house, considering how many people are just standing around there all the time. The banner would probably get taken down after a few hours though.
Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! I can't breathe! That was hilarious. xD
PINK PONY IS BEST PONY
Listen to the UN damn it, the pony of kindness will lead us to a better world.
I don't think this should have the "Not-Fanfiction" tag.
This just in, reports in Russia of massive Trixie statue erected in St. Petersburg.
Uzbekistan dictator Islam Karimov has been found dead, only clues towards assassin being a note which reads "10 seconds flat" accompanied by a picture of patriotic Rainbow Dash. A similar fate has befallen Zimbabwe's Robert Mugabe and North Korea's Kim Jong-il.
A massive pony robot is being commissioned by the Japanese government, details later tonight.
What a great representation of /co/.
My allegiances always have, and always will lie with Vinyl Scratch. Should all hay break out, just put on the headphones, crank up the volume, and let the conflict settle itself.
@Moth
Well ah'll take suggestions on what mah fans want to do, maybe we should make our own country? Or buy Ahceland?
@zSONICoz
Thanks sugahcube, sorry ah didn't spot you earlier *hugs*
Welp I guess I'm moving to the UK now, they know who the best pony is.
We will destroy you,
because we thought you wanted whining.
Seems legit...
I thought this was real until I read some comments. I'm an idiot, aren't I?
Sorry, America, but I shall always remain true and faithful to my Lady, the fabulous Rarity. UK, here I come!
Oh, and the tank isn't actually armed; it's merely driving Twilight closer so she can hit the enemy with her sword.
@Narwhals' Bend
I think for the few brief moments that it would be up, it would be very much worth it, I think XD I'd love to see it be done!
Canada says that Rainbow Dash is the best? And America says that Twilight is better? Fuck Obama, I'm moving to Canada.
@Anonymous guy ripping on the site
If you don't like it, why the heck did you click the link to this?
Fools, everyone knows that Pinkie Pie is the one true Pony!
And this is my new number 1 reason why I'm joining the Army.
Its summer...why are the tanks entering Canada in snow? Weather doesn't work that way.
Besides Scootaloo is the best pony!
this is too epic. nice work cereal. although octavia is obviously the best pony.
Of course Obama would like Twilight- he's such a nerd.
RARITY U AKHBAR
And Tom Clancy is from his secret bunker typing his next novel when suddenly
PONIES!!!
And so expect "Tom Clancy's Equestrian Insurgence" next summer in your bookstores.
Is this true???
@Anonymouskthnxbai
Anyway, goo to see Obama's got his priorities in line. Good man.
HAHAHAHAHA YOU Ponies Crack Me Up
For Fucks Sake I Actually thought the first pic was real, like jesus they made it look convincing DAMNIT Photoshop UR AMAZING, but sadly the one which made Obama holding Twilight isn't believable...at all...it's the main reason why my smile faded away when i realised it was a fake like the car one =/
But...Mark my words...one of these days...some troll brony with REAL BALLZ OF STEEL will do something like that...
*good
Why don't I introduce you all to the APPLE family.
\Strategic Launch Detected\
Everyone, cease attempting to drag your favorite side/background ponies into this quarrel. Octavia, Scratch, Lyra, and all the rest are clearly above such petty nonsense.
*looks at first image*
What? >_o
*sees Obama image*
That... is that real? O_O
*reads most of article*
*facehoof* WHAT IS THIS? O_<
woah wait what
heh-buh whaaaa~?
Fantastic. You ALMOST had me for a second there! Obama with a Twilight toy tipped me off, but damn!
Whoever came up with this gag, you're a comedic genius. I can't stop laughing!
2009? Rainbow Dash is so awesome, she can travel back in time to make Bronies before the show is even conceptualized.
I'm on the side of the Applejack supporters. I can't believe so few people support her. Still, we don't need to fight for her. We'll just let the other five factions destroy each other, then take over.
Inb4this actually happens
Wow this looks really legit. Looks
I'm appalled that no country is officially backing Applejack. We've got ya, AJ!
@MLP_CloudCuckoolander
Sounds like a plan. They'll never see us comin'.
this seems legitic
Luna is best pony. No exceptions.
How ironic for war to break out over a show about friendship.
XD
I heard that pie production is going through the roof
@Anonymous
@ItsTheWhinyGuys
Aww, shucks. Y'all are makin' me blush now.
*head hits desk*
You ponies are all insane, you know that right?
This is... beyond funny. Uber-funny. And seamless to my non-photoshop-trained eyes.
This is hilarious... but I facehoofed several times at incorrect details:
>The White House is NOT the Capitol building!
>U.S. tanks are M1 Abrams, not that thing. That looks like a British or German MBT.
>Twilight is always best pony. :D
FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!
But Seriously, this is real, right?
These look shopped. I can tell because of the pixels and from doing many shops in my time.
"LARGE BANNER OF MARSHMALLOW PONY HUNG OVER THE AMERICAN CAPITAL BUILDING"
What? I don't see Rarity anywhere.
God dammit, I thought this was true. I went "Squuuueee!" on the inside. When I saw it was blatantly satire, however, a part of my soul died.
Well played, sir.
What is this I don't even? The first thing I wake up to is this craziness that looks almost entirely legitimate.
Cereal, you are the best pony, why aren't there any countries supporting you?
i was like wtf?
then i saw obama and went wtf? even more
and then I saw the twilight tank and realized it was fake
oh derpy me
I'm seriously LOL'ing at this.
TWILIGHT SPARKLE FOREEEEVER
Vote Gummy for best pony
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrvXeimFhY0
@Anonymous 3:30
Welcome to the club. Have a muffin
I'm in the USA and I support Rainbow Dash! lol
I loved this, it was hilarious.
And so, while the rest of the world slowly descends into chaos, we who align ourselves with Scratch will put our headphones on, and turn up the volume.
I always knew in my mind World war III would happen.
Never imagine Ponies being the cause...
"Sir, it looks like the Canadians are building some kind of... giant pony. We don't know what it is, but it cannot be allowed to reach Black Sun. Take it out before it can lift off! Earthcom out."
@Flygon16
Octavia loves Germany and Germany loves Octavia! :D Deep in everyones hearts, they know Octavia is best pony. So elegant, intelligent, refined and talented.
And for anyone thinking it's even remotely possible to get close to the WH to put a banner on it or something. Unless you're invite, no.... simply no. lol
@Anonymous
Oh no. One less viewer. Whatever shall we do?[/Rarity]
I was expecting lulz, and I was not dissapointed.
Right, I'm officially moving to Canada...
So if the Russians get Applejack...the US is basicly screwed!!!
The article forgot something involving the American south threatening to secede on account of Applejack.
The title could have been so much more "Pony pride pressures president to proliferate patriotism. "
@Rainbow Dash
Looks like ah'm gettin' different parts of the world handed to me Dash
@Anonymous
But we have Twilight, we have MAGIC!
For the Awesome battles that will commence soon I shall conduct an orchestra to play the *fanfare* 1812 Overture Artillery away
Applejack is best, there is no denying it.
Initially I thought, "Xiagu...what have you done.", then I realized it was a genius joke!
If only.
Too bad that tank is an old Leopard 1, which the US has never used. Original photo claims it's Norwegian: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/1e/Norwegian_leopard_1_front_in_the_snow.jpg
@Rainbow Dash Well, geologically speaking, we are much cooler than the US. Particularly in the northern parts.
Just stay away from Toronto. Trust me, you do NOT want to know what kind of people live there.
I'm part of the south (Near actual apple country) that would be more than happy to support Applejack
Okay, guys, we get it. This is obviously Photoshopped; you can stop pointing out the obvious and let the rest of us enjoy/fall for the joke.
@Derpy Hooves
I'm not denying that Octavia is one classy mare, all I'm saying is that she and the rest are too classy (in my opinon) to get into this squabble with the Mane 6. And yes, if anyone even tried to climb over the fence, Secret Service would be all over them in a heartbeat.
@ Vanner: Nice... Whitman FTW!
@ Horizon Bound: * yes! Excellent!
... I wish this was real... I actually thought in the first picture that it was real! But alas... Anyhoof... ARISE, LUNAR REBELLION! Lady Luna shall lead us to glorious battle! ~IN SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACEEE!~
(If there IS SERIOUSLY called Equestrian Evangelists... WHERE'S THE APPLE-BUCKING SIGN-UP SHEET?!?!)
What?
And so it begins
http://i.imgur.com/aWul8.jpg
That's it. I need to find some obscure country that understands that Applebloom is the best pony and live there.
Damn you Cereal!I beleived this until it said "Twilight sparkle is the one we have always supported"
Pppfffffttttt
Canada, with the power of Rainbow Dash, would never let puny little "Twilight Sparkle tanks" onto their soil. Canada would boot them out 10 seconds flat.
Also, I need to know who shouted that Pinkie Pie was the best pony, because they're my knew country.
Hahaha this was amazingly done. If wars and fights were actually based on things like this, the world would be a beautiful place.
Pie wars anyone?
Everfree Forest - today, we're Switzerland.
This is so glorious. Canada is the land and the true supporters of the true best pony: Rainbow Dash.
I have never been prouder of this country than I am today.
WOW!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!
As Socrates would rightly say, if you'll allow me to paraphrase, "the state is correct in its judgment".
Fuck you guys, I'm with Socrates and Obama on this one. Magic pony is best pony.
(Kudos to you, Cereal, for costing me a perfectly good glass of water. Spit-takes are not good for laptops, it seems. :D)
"This Twilight is no more! It has ceased to be!" =Knocks on podium=
"And this country will not rest until we find the cause or the culprit."
fakest shit ive ever seen
This might be the first time that I have come close to agreeing with Obama or the UN. Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy are the best ponies in the mane 6.
Two simple words...ponies win
Don't let this article fool you. All this war over ponies is just a conspiracy to keep the world''s governments at each others' throats, so that the REAL world power can take over.
Who am I referring to? The Pinkamenati, of course!
when i saw the top image i was excited
then i read the first paragraph and realized it was fake
some one go put that giant banner on the white house now
FINALLY, the USA is actually right about something! Those awful Canadians must be stopped from their treason against the objectively-best pony!
I propose we create a pony army from the Ditzy clones Twilight made yesterday.
By the way, I would love a download of this article (with pictures) to keep on my computer. This is simply awesome!
If this doesn't get on Google docs or somewhere I could download it, I'll either have to figure something out or be a very sad pony.
Furthermore, if we're getting with a war against the US for Dash's honor, well...
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-kaCIn2AoYaw/Tidixbms1VI/AAAAAAAAI2g/qSPC7pVZE18/s1600/gantz_rainbow_dash_by_johnjoseco-d411e0s.jpg
Be prepared to become Lower Saskatchewan. And maybe we'll give Quebec some land to go make their own country in.
I second what Ink said :D
A downloadable version of this would be fantastic.
Yea, they're kind of still on Mars and even more nonsensical than the original.
I'm gonna go buy some ONIONS
>My senses say this is shopped... One of Cereal's crazy pranks perhaps?
>THIS WILL BE ON THE DAILY SHOW/COLBERT REPORT.
i ROFL when i saw this i though it was real if it was then the goverment would cancelled the series and then no one would laugh still you freaking got me XD
@A Girl BronyI checked CNN before I checked whatever was after the break, too! hahahaha. I felt so silly the moment I saw the Obama photoshop, and then noticed the AP date/time/place mark at the beginning of the "article."
@Flygon16
Well, that's why Octavia and Germany support each other. Both are classy and prefer peaceful resolutions to war. :)
Seriously, though, watch out for the Pinkamenati. They're watching you. FOREVER!!!
I just died laughing reading the entire thing.
@WispX
Are you mad, man? To the Tower with him!
This was believable at first, but there were some glaring inaccuracies in the story.
1) "In 2009, [Equestrian Evangelists] performed a similar act on the Treasury building..."
Fact: Back in 2009, EE was limited to holding online tea parties, playing house, and writing MLP/Barbie crossover fanfic. It wasn't until the popularization of the fourth generation of ponies in February of 2011 that the group became capable of meaningful activism.
2) President Obama has never publicly endorsed any one pony. Nor is he a Brony. That would be former President Bill Clinton. Someone mixed up their presidents.
I just thought it was important to get these facts straight.
I actually wouldn't be surprised at all if this was true.
Some of you bronies are Nuckin Futs
I'm in awe that my country would support TWILIGHT over Dashie!
WE go TO WAR! FOR TWILIGHT! FOR THE PRINCESS! Actually, I'm just joshin'. While all of you idiots fight, we leal servants of Luna will drop rocks and stuff on you from orbit, lulz!
All hail the one true best Pony, Twilight Sparkle.
oh god thats bloody fantastic! And clearly the equestrian evangelists need a logo of some sort asap.
Before it got to the part where Obama said that TS is the best pony, I actually thought this was true.
[/fail]
LINKS! I NEED LINKS!!!
@Anonymous@3:33pm
You wouldnt be saying that if you were in the 'were on mars' discussion, she was wielding a freaking MINIGUN! XD
please someone put a giant banner of rainbow dash on the White House on Real Life.
This could be our big hit for Bronies
Dude at first I thought this stuff was real and started freaking out due to all the shit that would go down. I was saddened however upon realizing it was fake because everypony knows Fluttershy is Obama's favorite pony! :)
Canada thinks rainbow dash is the best pony? I'd like to get a list of what countries think which pony is the best so I can make a fully educated decision on where to move
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