Author: The Dark Griffon
Description: Rainbow Dash gets to live her dream -- a day with the famous Wonderbolts. What does the leader of the team, Skybuck, have in store for her, and what will she do to convince him to let her join the team?A Day with the Wonderbolts (20% cooler formatting)
Additional Tags: Short, Rainbow Dash, Wonderbolts, Slice of Life
24 comments:
Eugh, pages format.
ReplyDeleteStill, I shall read on.
I cant stand the pages format x.x I dont read the stories at my pc . . . . i take them on the go, or i lounge around with my phone doing that. THankfully i havent run across too many stories in this format . . . Im sorry author, the page or two i read was pretty good . . . thank you for the effort, but even tho i have a very NICE AND LARGE pc monitor . . . its not compfy place to read.
ReplyDeleteAssuming that the page formatting problem was the lack of indents, that was corrected and a new version is now posted. Hopefully, that'll make things easier!
ReplyDeleteI thought I posted a widescreen version of that already.
ReplyDeleteOh well, here it is again:
http://dl.dropbox.com/u/23511114/rainbow_dash_tagme_wallpaper.png
It's 1600x900. I can adjust the size/positioning, if you want.
CRITIQUE (goddamn I'm glad RD is my favorite poni)
ReplyDeleteI felt that, despite RD being the main character, and the character experiencing all these new things, and hanging with her idols, and being so excited, that you didn't focus on her enough. Most of the PoV seemed to be from behind Skybuck, but you kept giving RD's reactions. Skybuck also did 90% of the talking. Which is fine, I guess, given the situation, but I kind of wasn't sure how RD was feeling throughout most of it. Also, when RD had failed to get Skybuck's ribbon, she just felt kind of instantly admonished and sad for basically little reason. BOOHOO THEY WON'T LET ME INTO THE WONDERBOLTS BECAUSE I WAS TOO SILLY IN A FLYING GAME. No, I don't believe RD works like that. She'd curse herself and be more confident.
I actually think she was too reserved in all of this. She didn't remain quiet when she met the wonderbolts at the competition (omgomgomgomgomgomgomg), and she TRIED to talk with them and impress them constantly at the gala. I think this just wasn't confident or vocal enough to be a good Dash.
It was still fun; your interpretation of the WB's main site, the building in general, and their teamwork was all done well. Dash just wasn't enough Dash for me.
Picture's updated. Now 1920x1080.
ReplyDelete@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteThank you for the critique!
One question, though: how do I fix the page formatproblem? I really don't know that much about Google Docs; what format should it be stored in?
@The Dark Griffon
ReplyDeleteI... I have no idea how you people are getting the pages format.
just google google documents, make a new document, and copy-paste the text in. Docs is good at knowing formatting, italics and all.
I believe pages is what happens when you upload a PDF, right?
I haven't read it all the way through yet, but it starts with a Van Halen quote so it can't possibly be bad.
ReplyDeleteRainbow Dash:Pinkie Pie :: Sammy Hagar:David Lee Roth
@DrOrbitalDeathRay
ReplyDeleteIt's actually more then just a Van Halen quote. It's the unofficial theme song of the Blue Angels. :>
Okay, I've fixed the page formatting. The non-page formatted document is here:
ReplyDeletehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1IIae0lPuOk69ExRmxLb3zwiqv7d4Lsef-bFFxgL9t9c/edit?hl=en_US&authkey=CMn6hoYP
Once the link is updated, feel free to delete the comment, Sethisto.
This was entertaining to read. I really enjoyed how you planned out the whole day, and how Dash was beside herself with fangirliness.
ReplyDeleteThe two things that stood out (other than the formatting, but I just made a copy and converted it to editing so it was at least somewhat readable) were how rushed some parts felt and how you sometimes weren't specific enough with pronouns. The latter wasn't terrible, but it definitely led to some confusing parts when I had to reread in order to find out who was doing what. The former... you should've written a bit more, I think, about Rainbow Dash's thoughts.
@Nick
ReplyDeleteAnother thank you for the compliment and the critique.
One thing I'm considering doing for a newer version of the story is adding a better epilogue. I figured that Dash would be overwhelmed enough by the experience not to think that much as it's happening -- she's not the most cerebral pony anyway. But once she's home, and has time to digest it all, she'll be thinking about pretty much nothing else for a while!
THANK YOU for the widescreen version of that pic, now i have to add it to my bg rotation . . . YAY!!
ReplyDeleteTHank you for posting the story in google docs. I cant wait to read this tonight. Im drawing right now . . .. i may start doing the daily draw things here . . . . Gonna try one out today n.n
Am I the only one who likes the pages format? Haha. This was great when I first read it, and it remains fantastic.
ReplyDeleteit just takes me soo long to do my pics . . . and i dont rmember the deadlines for hte drawing things . . . i woulda started earlier but i had to fix the spider on my cars subwoofer . . . it shatter . . . O.O how i dont know . . . . . hmmm maybe twi will have some insight? lol
ReplyDelete@Alexstrazsa
ReplyDeleteThank you! It's good to know someone really liked it.
Finally Rainbow Dash and Top Gun references, the one thing I was waiting for.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteSkybuck certainly had some inspiration in Viper, but he wasn't quite an Expy of him. Slider was more blatant. ^.^
Excellent story. While I'll agree with one of the comments on how there wasn't enough focus on Dash, it was really great on the Wonderbolts' part. Very professional and insightful.
ReplyDeleteThis was a fun little story to read. I highly enjoyed it, and while I agree with the above comments that it wasn't Dash-centric enough, what was there was fantastically written.
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDelete^ Reply to that please!
PS: The suspense was great, really felt it.
@Nikita
ReplyDelete;>
Oh my word... A NON-SHIPPING Dash fic! A fanfic about Dash without her being bent into a romantic relationship with everything from Pinkie Pie to Soarin' to that apple tree from Over a Barrel! Must... read...
ReplyDelete