[Normal][Adventure] Woah... I wouldn't mind seeing her as a villain in the actual show. Confound this fandom, it drives me to respect OC ponies. Art by Aeterne on DA.
Author: Fireant
Description: When a being from the cold Void tore itself into reality with a powerful psychic scream, the Royal Princesses decided to quickly take it down before IT could bring havoc into Equestria. And there are no better monster hunters in entire land the a team of odd, vaudevillian personalities like The Full House, ready to face even the most unfathomable danger for bits and glory. Their mission - find and eliminate the threat, while body guarding six young mares, the chosen hosts for Elements of Harmony. They do not know yet, how terrifying their opponent could be.Google Docs
The Full House: The Wanderer
The Full House Part 2: Vaudeville
The Full House Part 3: Arrival
The Full House Part 4: Showtime in the Shadows
The Full House Part 5: The Circus is Coming To Town (New!)
Deviant Art
Chapter I: The Wanderer
Chapter II: Vaudeville
Chapter III: Arrival
Chapter IV: : Showtime in the Shadows
Chapter V: The Circus Is Coming To Town (New!)
Additional Tags: Long, Cloak & Dagger, Swashbuckling, Horror, Adventure
Vexing Sun from the story!
Source
39 comments:
i like the image nice OC ponies
ReplyDeleteCloak & dagger is what it's crossed over with? And the two OC ponies aren't them? or are? Or it's not cross over of cloak and dagger?
ReplyDeleteCloak & Dagger is a genre of adventure literature, including spies, subterfuge, dashing fighting, maybe a little assassination and so on x]
ReplyDeleteThe drawing on the left reminds me of Isabella from Dragon Age.
ReplyDeleteIt is a very good picture.
Like most people I also don't like OC but I think it's mainly because the quality control is so poor and unwelcome "issues" often go with it.
ReplyDeleteThis post is the welcome exception that proves the rule. GREAT swashbuckling ponies there, I'd be happy to see them in the series, no joke.
Pony stole my cutie mark!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, looks neat, gonna read it when I've got time~
Glad I'm not the only one that thought there OC ponies were awesome
ReplyDeleteBut go read the story yeesh!
Moonbeam's OCs grow on you over time as well. These OCs are simply somewhat interesting from the get-go, I guess.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, the fanfiction Moonbeam has updated three times already. O.o I hope you see this because I know no other way to get your attention.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.fanfiction.net/s/6890238/7/Moonbeam
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6890238/8/Moonbeam
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6890238/9/Moonbeam
At least I'm pretty sure it's been three times since you guys displayed the story.
I like the idea of an unknown demonic like villain. Those usually turn out pretty good. I wonder how this ragtag team of OC's will deal with the main characters? I can't wait to find out.
ReplyDeleteThe number of very basic grammar and spelling mistakes in chapter one alone is fairly disturbing. If you do not have an editor, plrase get one. If you do have one, fire him and get another.
ReplyDelete;) Thanks for pointing that out Escher, will do. I am not a native english speaker, so writing something is even more, well, daunting. And people willing to give their time to spellcheck and correct errors in fanfictions do not grow on trees! ^_^
ReplyDeleteI'm also curious if the dragon thing is meant to be Lagro, like the city in Indiana, or Largo, meaning big (and slow, in musical terms)?
ReplyDeleteWell, neither!
ReplyDeleteHowever, maybe First, a little, but only because You pointed that out now, ha. True be told, I figured that in spanish Lagartija means Lizard. So I decided to call my huge dragonling-wyrm-thing Lagar, but somehow it doesn't sound right to me. So I mixed it with Rango *(btw, loved the movie)* and Lagro was born.
second part was just as good as the first. keep it it!
ReplyDeletei will be awaiting the next part.
Glad to hear it ;) I now the pace of action is a little slow now, but its because both chapters are set-ups for the entire action to unfold. Chapter III will much more... dynamic!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great fic so far, and given that English is not your native language, you're doing a fine job. There are plenty of English speakers that can't write it as well as you do. :)
ReplyDeleteThe only two problems I see are an overuse of commas, and "my highness." The various rules concerning comma use are too numerous to list, but "my highness" is an easy fix. The proper term of address for a royal figure is "your highness," "your majesty," "your grace," etc. You can also use "my lady" or "my Princess."
@Mr. Improv
ReplyDeleteThanks for encouragment and some hints. Commas are simple - In Polish xD! About the overuse of "Higness", you are right, I didn't see that until You pointed that out. Corrected as You suggested. Thanks!
i like the story but the grammar is rather diverting. It's mainly missing words, or issue of past and present tense, but it would be nice to see it cleaned up in future chapters.
ReplyDeleteComments, bronies!
ReplyDeleteI. Need. Comments! What to improve (in addition to grammar, haha)?
Irrelevent to the story but why is the normal for this story orange?
ReplyDeleteA brilliant tale! I'm afraid I cannot contribute any suggestions for improvements simply because you've hit the nail right on the head so far. I'm enjoying your style of writing and look forward to seeing more!
ReplyDeleteIt was a great read ! Keep on writing like this, I am looking forward for the next update !
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteIt's magic! TO be honest, maybe because its normal with elements of pretty much everything: there will be ships, some grimdark violence already is included, and I will be damned if there isn't [SAD] in here too. I dunno *derpy shrug* !
@Skyclimber, Anon:
Thanks a lot - comments like this motivate me to write faster ;) hah!
Hey fireant! I've had the story open for most of the day, and when I went to read it I noticed that you'd said hello on the chat and been ignored, twice! How unbrony-ish (?) of us!
ReplyDeleteThe story is progressing nicely, I like the characterisation and the thought processes of IT, etc. I can easily forgive the grammar and spelling mistakes because they do not break the flow of the story for me, in fact they can of add a bit of uniqueness to the story!
Comments! Dear readers, write comments! /)^3^(\
ReplyDeleteis it me, but should trixi be against going to ponyville after the ursa minor incident?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteIts'a you ;) Entire story take place more than a year from the Season 1 - Trixie is returning to Ponyville wiser, less "braggy" and to amend things. She gladly accept the team as a distraction.
Thx for comment.
no thx you for the reply
ReplyDeleteNot sure about Celestia's reaction as a whole...
ReplyDeleteThe way I thought it would go or saw how it could have gone (from the previous Chapter)...
Well, Celestia being ''Celestia'' she would surely have heard of the event of the previous night (with Luna), would have contacted 'Knack' normally but for a private meeting (instead of the whole group) to explain the mission of his team (since he's the leader of it), then as he would be leaving... Celestia would have added ''something'', something subtle basicly meaning : *If you mess with Luna again, you're gonna see the Sun from very close*
You know... the subtle, charming, yet protective and ferocious Princess when it comes to Luna's well being ?
Might have been 20% Cooler, like they say.
But I guess it was 'ok' anyway... Goofy stuff, acting like nothing worth had happened at all, no mighty-looking-acting Princesses (last time I checked they were BOTH +1000years old Royal Alicorns, right ?)
Just saying...
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteWell, thanks for comment, thats first - more like this make me realize what reader want from the stroy, what they like and what they like not ;)
For example, You here do not accept my benevolant Princess Celestia. I agree with Trollestia Fanon, but I personally scourge the Tyranical Overlord Celestia. So I would never include a text that would imply that Celestia threaten anyone in anyway. Also, Celestia isn't All-Knowing and I seen no reason that she should know about the "night events" between the main character and Luna. Who would have told here? (*Presision: Amongst royalty of the same level, and I treat Luna and Celestia as such because of their titles, there is unspoken law of "first request" amongst servants and underlings. I used it here :)*)
Next thing - 1000+ years old Mighty Alicorns and Regal Princesses. Right, but then, two things: First, for one of them these 1000 years past in Hiatus - As we seen in a series she is a little more grown up than rest of the Ponies, therefore I decided that she is not 10.000 years old, but maybe 1030 or something roughly around - also, 1000 years of being grounded may make a pony a little... weird. And unlinked to the earth, so to speak. For the Celestia, as you can see I opted for the canon-like goody goody omnibenevolant smiling Princess of Friendship.
Also, Celestia knows that Luna have strong interest in, well, adventure - it is inluded in the fic ;) So she arranges the "goofy breakfast" in good spirit, to give her sister a chance to meet real-life adventurers! She didn't know that Luna already messed with them. Badly.
I hope this clear up a few thing :) Cheerio!
@fireant
ReplyDeleteOh, do not misinterprete me... Being 'benevolant' is something admirable, yes, but it doesn't exclude that, in her Royal-Ageless-Mighty personality/character, she would have given a fair and subtle ''warning'' to 'Knack'.
There's a *MIDDLE* possible to everything, no need for a 'bad-Troll-thingy-what-a-strange-term-estia' when you can JUST give her a stronger character, more fitting to a Monarch...
You see what I mean ?
Sure, thanks for the input ;)
ReplyDeleteI'll try my best to amend that in the future. Still, she is much less regal in the series than any monarch could ever be :D
is that a Tigrex from Monster Hunter?
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteAnswet is: Nope.avi ;)
How has this story not had more comments? I definitely like your take on the adventure so far; and quite a interesting collection of OC chars!
ReplyDeleteThank You kindly for this comment ;) I guess lack of comments occured mostly due to this story being driven by OC's and by a long "hiatus" of it. New chapter is resting as I am indulging into a standalone Wonderbolt fix for now!
ReplyDeleteThis isn't... abandoned, is it?
ReplyDeleteOh dear Celestia, please don't let this be abandoned!
I would rather die.
ReplyDeleteBut, to be honest, Chapter Six is drilling me - I am currently working on a one shot and have huge payload of work with ponychats, so lately this fic got little attention. I swear I will continue it soon :)