• Story: My Little Parcel

    by
    [Normal] Cute Dash image for a cute normal story!  Author is: Cupcakes Nom
    Description: Upon returning from a long trip Rainbow Dash is shocked to find that a very private package has been misplaced. Will she find it before somepony else does?
    My Little Parcel
    Saturday, March 26, 2011 op
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    41 comments:

    1. CupsMarch 26, 2011 at 5:51 PM

      Thanks for posting this, Sethisto!

      Any and all constructive criticism whatsoever is MORE than welcome, everypony. I don't plan on this being my last story, so your opinion is very important to me!

      ReplyDelete
    2. EvoCOVMarch 26, 2011 at 6:08 PM

      Oh hey you got this published Cupcake.

      As I told you before, great story.

      ReplyDelete
    3. AnonymousMarch 26, 2011 at 6:47 PM

      This story is such a simple idea but its SO GOOD! I was really into finding out what on earth was in the box!

      The picture used for this story scares me slightly.

      ReplyDelete
    4. NinestempestMarch 26, 2011 at 7:08 PM

      Quite an adorable short story, and somethign I could easily see rainbow dash doing!

      Could easily be an episode as I said. I hope to see more from you. It was well paced, you had more than enough description to visualize things, and everyone seemed very in character.

      ReplyDelete
    5. AnonymousMarch 26, 2011 at 7:24 PM

      This was nice, now I want to read about the pirate adventure they had! Prequel time :D

      Oh and Angel riding Gummy was epic.

      ReplyDelete
    6. NaxtsMarch 26, 2011 at 7:33 PM

      D'awwwww! That was really cute! I could totally see that as a completely plausible episode!
      I'm an absolutely terrible critic because honestly. I got nothing but love for this story. I wish there could have been more more details about Wavedancer though, it was kindda hard to imagine it.

      I love this story. Thanks for the read!

      ReplyDelete
    7. AnonymousMarch 26, 2011 at 8:14 PM

      I can't really describe this fic in any way other than perfectly balanced. The story was solid, the characterization and dialogue was solid, the humor was solid...it was just an overall really good piece of fiction. You should post this on DeviantArt, I bet Lauren Faust would love it!

      ReplyDelete
    8. AnonymousMarch 26, 2011 at 8:37 PM

      How delightfully meta.

      ReplyDelete
    9. AnonymousMarch 26, 2011 at 8:51 PM

      THAT SONG. THAT FUCKING SONG.

      ReplyDelete
    10. MournMarch 26, 2011 at 8:58 PM

      It's hard to come across a great non-shipping normal story. As others have said, it seems like it could have been an actual episode. The characters are portrayed well. Rainbow still has her pride and cool factor.

      ReplyDelete
    11. FleymevasMarch 26, 2011 at 9:12 PM

      A sweet little story. An entertaining read indeed.

      ReplyDelete
    12. NopeMarch 26, 2011 at 9:13 PM

      Two hooves up. This is warm and witty. wtf angel and gummy o_O . ahem Anyway, I'm glad I gave this a read :3 .

      ReplyDelete
    13. AnonymousMarch 26, 2011 at 9:21 PM

      Seth, have you stopped updating the twitter account? I don't seem to be getting text updates anymore

      ReplyDelete
    14. Friendly UncleMarch 26, 2011 at 9:27 PM

      So much d'aaawww.

      ReplyDelete
    15. CupsMarch 26, 2011 at 9:52 PM

      EvoCOV: Thanks :D
      Anonymous: The picture kinda scares me, too...
      9Nine9: You seem to have found the exact right combination of compliments to make my heart explode. Ow.
      Anonymous: I'm glad the whole "pirate" angle got your imagination flowing. And yes... Angel and Gummy... I don't know what part of my imagination that came from, but I need to feed it more pony.
      Naxts: Thank you for the critique! I caaarefully adjusted that area of the story to hopefully make it coagulate into an image slightly easier now.
      Brian: I don't think I have the cojones to point Lauren Faust toward this. But I really appreciate the vote of confidence!
      Anonymous: Yes. That song. :D
      Everypony else: Thank you SO much for taking the time to stop and say a kind word or two. I'm going to be happy all weekend because something I put hours of my heart and soul into entertained a bunch of kind, friendly people even for a short while.

      ReplyDelete
    16. NinestempestMarch 26, 2011 at 10:04 PM

      @CupcakesNom
      Well I'm sure if you survived, you can explode more than once!

      ReplyDelete
    17. hawkysuMarch 26, 2011 at 10:25 PM

      This was simply amazing. Nothing else.

      ReplyDelete
    18. AnonymousMarch 26, 2011 at 10:44 PM

      I'm calling it right now.

      There will be a sharp increase in the number of Angel/Gummy shipping fics.

      (Though, given that we're at 0 right now, any number would be a sharp increase...)

      I have to say, I rather enjoyed how we kept getting snippets of the unknown adventure they had gone on. Twas nice.

      ReplyDelete
    19. AnonymousMarch 26, 2011 at 10:46 PM

      Great story! Cute, and well in-character!


      ... But that pic at the top of the page is weirding me out. What the heck is Rainbow doing?!

      ReplyDelete
    20. AnonymousMarch 26, 2011 at 11:17 PM

      This was the cutest! 5/5

      I'm an old fart who still sings the Sea Ponies song to herself, so when the lyrics started up, I got just a little bit misty eyed.

      ReplyDelete
    21. Victorian R. HellslyMarch 27, 2011 at 12:11 AM

      This is sooo cute!

      It's just so cute! No one's out of character, the story is so simple yet compelling and sweet, and the conclusion works so well! Coupled with very good writing, and this is among the best fics I've read here. This could easily have been an episode of the actual series, nice job!

      Oh, and extra kudos for referencing the older series. I was never a fan of it, but I love cheesy 80s stuff, and everypony knows the 80s make everything 20% more awesome.

      SHOOP BE DO, SHOOP SHOOP BE DOO!

      ReplyDelete
    22. AnonymousMarch 27, 2011 at 12:15 AM

      Wait, /b/ cupcake?

      ReplyDelete
    23. BobcatMarch 27, 2011 at 12:24 AM

      As for criticism, I can't see a lot wrong. There were a couple of odd phrases, but I liked the story and the characterization.

      ReplyDelete
    24. EscherMarch 27, 2011 at 1:20 AM

      This was an /adorable/ story.

      And oh god that song is horrible. And catchy. And horrible.

      ReplyDelete
    25. EscherMarch 27, 2011 at 1:31 AM

      "My tongue still hurts a li'l, but it was soooo worth it!" LOL.

      I love the noodle incident* references. "I am not actually the Dread Pirate Blackmane. The REAL Blackmane has been retired fifteen years and living like a queen in Pataponia."

      * Noodle Incident: an event that happens off screen and is referred to only obliquely, with the implication that it was too bizarre or amazing to explain in full.
      http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NoodleIncident

      ReplyDelete
    26. AnonymousMarch 27, 2011 at 4:46 AM

      @Anonymous
      number 2 on the clouds

      ReplyDelete
    27. Nova25March 27, 2011 at 1:19 PM

      Good lenght, good story.

      Yeah, it was interesting to read... kept me wondering 'what' could possibly be in the package, to make RD so nervous ;)

      ...but instead : Shoo bydoo, etc. ;)

      Never really saw the old pony things, but I can imagine what it is the lose something that you don't want others to find out.

      How does it go again ? It was a good ''Wild chase'', or ''wild goose chase'', whatever the expression. :D

      ReplyDelete
    28. fltrshMarch 27, 2011 at 3:34 PM

      This was very well written, a great bedtime story for me!

      And for some reason I totally saw Dash as your run-of-the-mill brony trying to hide the fact he bought an MLP toy from his friends x)

      ReplyDelete
    29. MarioMarch 27, 2011 at 8:28 PM

      I couldn't get over how enjoyable this story was. You've certainly put my little fanfic to shame. Words can't do this story justice. As others have said, it feels like an episode. You've got the personalities of the show characters down pat. Rainbow Dash buying something cute but being embarrased about it is something that she probably would do. And Pinkie Pie's response of "Yes please" to the question of how many spoons of sugar is pitch perfect. This story flows well and has a good lesson. I loved it.

      ReplyDelete
    30. AlexplosionMarch 27, 2011 at 11:57 PM

      This was awesome! This just might be the push I need to buy MLP toys. =P
      I could definitely see this being an episode.

      ReplyDelete
    31. Lurks-no-MoreMarch 28, 2011 at 5:02 AM

      Meta, cute and funny; what else do would you need? :D

      ReplyDelete
    32. DarkJesterMarch 30, 2011 at 9:27 AM

      What can I say...

      *two bunny thumbs up*

      ReplyDelete
    33. PacceMarch 30, 2011 at 10:11 AM

      That was fantastically perfect!
      Seriously, that's up there with "Ponies Discover /co/".
      Honestly, you're a letter at the end away from an episode.

      ReplyDelete
    34. AnonymousMarch 30, 2011 at 1:54 PM

      Omg!! Mfw my picture is up here :> I'm sorry to hear people find it creepy though.. I based the stance on this:

      http://browse.deviantart.com/?q=rainbow%20dash&order=9&offset=96#/d3bg3n7

      Since I thought it was cute.. I did update the drawing to make it possibly a bit less creepy..

      http://nrgforce.deviantart.com/art/Rainbow-Dash-20-Percent-Cooler-202657918

      ReplyDelete
    35. AnonymousApril 21, 2011 at 5:38 AM

      YAY! loved it. i need to see a lot more g1 crossover than there is currently. it just works so well.

      ReplyDelete
    36. AnonymousApril 30, 2011 at 8:46 PM

      You know what is so crazy about this? Its just like us Bronies! We all watch a show that many think isn't for our gender and/or age, and we're not sure how they'll react to it if we told our friends about. I think I got the message of this...

      ReplyDelete
    37. DraxJune 3, 2011 at 10:14 PM

      Dammit, I been reading too many shipping fics, I was expecting an adult toy.

      ReplyDelete
    38. RoxorJune 27, 2011 at 2:41 AM

      This Troper finds it hard not to see this as a Take That directed at the show's Periphery Demographic.

      Aesop of the story: Just because you're grown up doesn't mean you can't like something cute.

      ReplyDelete
    39. UnknownSeptember 24, 2011 at 7:02 PM

      Dear Princess Celestia,
      Hey! It's Rainbow Dash here this time, cause this time I learned something about friendship! I learned that you shouldn't try to hide things about yourself from your friends just because you're afraid of what they'll think of you, cause really, true friends would never judge you or make fun of you, and my friends ARE real friends. And hey, ya never know, maybe the thing you're hiding was never anything to be ashamed of, and it may actually draw everyone together under a common interest!

      The friend of your most prized student,
      Rainbow Dash

      P.S. What do you know about sea ponies?

      ReplyDelete
    40. Cloudy SkiesFebruary 8, 2012 at 3:03 PM

      This is amazing, you are amazing, and I feel good. What it "lacked" in length and complexity, it made up for by fitting together like the most elegant little puzzle ever.

      Elegant. Yes. We'll go with that word! I can think of nothing bad to say, and I don't care to think whether that's just because I'm coming down from a d'aw-rush.

      Authors who can do [Normal] fics on this level are too damn rare.

      ReplyDelete
    41. ultra8March 12, 2012 at 5:51 AM

      That was a fun little tale, we've all had those moments. Though I wasn't expecting everyone sav Twilight to be fans of the Wavedancer story/show.
      All the reactions to the doll were fun to read.

      Now I'm curious of the adventure that happened prior to that involving the Dread Pirate Blackmane.

      ReplyDelete

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