Description: Spike thinks he has finally fallen for Rarity. Only problem is hes not sure what he really feeling is love or not so he and Twilight who is just as clueless as him go around asking their friends what they think love is.What is Love?
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[Shipping] Some more spike/rarity stuff! I don't think dragons and ponies work like that though spike! Written by Vanderblast.
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41 comments:
Baby don't hurt me.
ReplyDeleteDon't hurt me, no more.
ReplyDeleteThat question always brings up that song lol
ReplyDeleteIts why I named it like I did
ReplyDeleteAh I was wondering if it was intentional or not
ReplyDeleteThis gets better and better the more I read!
ReplyDeleteI loved the PinkieDash Part!
And thank Celestia for Derpy!
Moar??
>checks comments to see if someone's posted "baby don't hurt me"
ReplyDelete>is unsurprised
@Muffin
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad you like it so much. There will certainly be more when I get around to it I got finals n all at school this week but I'll have a week off so hopefully I'll be able to get a chapter or two done.
And of course your unsurprised anon I was as well but still pleased none the less, now if a draw friend could draw spike and twilight in appropriate night at the roxbury get ups it would surely make my year.
Don't hurt me- oh, someone beat me to it.
ReplyDeleteLearn the difference between your and "you're" I swear, people are getting dumber by the day.
ReplyDeleteLearn to read and write!
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteCould you please direct me to where the error is so I may fix it quickly? I am usually pretty good with my grammar but sometimes things just slip past me. Nopony is perfect.
I loved the nod to Pinkie/Dash shipping. :P
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteNever mind I found them all already. Damn that was a little embarrassing but it should be all fixed that to your grammatical standards thanks for pointing that out for me.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you did I just exploded with excitement when I thought about how well those two could play off each other in this situation.
Run-on sentences were painful to read. I managed to get about halfway through before it became too annoying. Break up large paragraphs and run-on sentences, and use punctuation accordingly. Learn the comma. Love the comma. Embrace the comma.
ReplyDelete@Daffodil
ReplyDeleteI'll keep that in mind about the commas, I sometimes get a little worried if I find myself using them too much. I'm also sorry if my writing isn't up to snuff its my first piece of finished work and it apparently shows. I'll be sure to keep all feedback in mind for when I continue the story so maybe you will be able to read the whole thing.
Quite a cute story. Pretty long,but I honestly can't wait for the next one.
ReplyDeleteIt would be inappropriate of me to do the work for you. You wrote it. YOU go looking for the mistakes.
ReplyDeleteIt would improve the tone of the comments significantly if people would be polite when issuing their criticisms, IMO. Would you talk to people IRL as you do here?
ReplyDelete@hikuro
ReplyDeleteThank you very much! Yea I thought to myself when I was done "Wow this is my prologue?" I was afraid it would be too long for people to want to bother with. Everypony has proved otherwise though.
And at mistake looking anon it is quite hard to catch ones own mistakes sometimes since I am of course biased to my own work. I'm not a pro I just write for fun and ponies. If someone notices mistakes I'll fix them so their reading experience can be improved.
And at the anon below him I agree with you but I don't mind the harsh criticisms too much since I'm mainly doing this for fun and to create something fun for the community to read and any improvements I can make I'll just take with a smile, cause who knows this person may know a lot more about writing than I. It would of course be nice to have polite comments but I'll say again nopony is perfect.
Although you do have a problem with Run-on sentences and I absolutely DETEST the way you write Fluttershy (too many "Um"s and "..."'s), I can honestly say I cannot wait for more.
ReplyDeleteRarity x Spike is so good.
Also, unlike everyone else, I raged at the PinkieDash shipping. There is too much of it already, and it went a little too far to be considered a joke.
@lumpfish1
ReplyDeletePinkie/Dash FOREVER!!! :P
@lumpfish1
ReplyDeleteI'm glad despite the shortcomings you saw and my writing of Fluttershy that you are willing to see more. I may have gotten carried away from the Ums and ...'s but its just how I saw it happening at the time since I can't see Fluttershy talking about a subject like this without really have struggles to get words out. That was just my rationale.
I will agree that there is quite a bit of PinkieDash I feel it worked well in my story. Sorry it was more than your liking though.
But I'm curious on how you might write Fluttershy. Did I basically get a decent grasp on it just with too many um's and ...'s? Or is there something else that was just plain missing? This will help me out greatly when I write the following chapters.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Vanderblast
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, don't say your sorry for the PinkieDash. It was low of me to complain about it.
Also, you should utilize the sidebar chat in the fic. It is amazing for taking critique (and compliments!) and allows for some great discussion.
As for Fluttershy? You say she was talking that way because of the topic, but her greeting is “Um....what can I do for you both today..umm....”. That's 2 Um's and 3 Ellipses in 1 fairly short sentence. As for when she begins talking about love, a few "Um"'s and "..."s are fine every now and then, but leave something up to the reader's imagination. You didn't write Fluttershy BAD, you just took the "shy" part and cranked it up to 200%.
It reminds me of a discussion I had with three other anonymous users while reading FistfulOfApples Applemac fic.
Imagine if I wrote Applejack as following:
"Howdy Twilight! Reckon yer gonna be headin' on back to tha library perty soon? Ya should take some of these here apples 'fore goin' back!"
The reader would be frustrated! They already know what Applejack's accent sounds like, they don't need it spelled out for them! Fluttershy has her own "accent" that the reader hears in their voice while reading the character. Don't drill it into their heads.
I know it's a lot of critique, but I got critique myself when a reader told me I simply used too many ellipses. Imagine how horrified I was when I went back through and found out he was more than right!
Still eagerly waiting for Chapter 2!
@lumpfish1
ReplyDeleteI just felt I should be polite about it since we are in a place where we believe friendship is magic and such.Especially since everyone is entitled to their opinions.
Yea when you put it that way I guess I did go overboard but I think what I was feeling at the time was that Fluttershy is still a little intimidated by Spike's growing size and features so I felt cranking up her shyness was needed.
But yea I'll take your advice to heart and its much better to get lots of critique than none. If there was none I would just make similar mistakes most likely in the next chapters.
Hooray for helpful Derpy!
ReplyDeleteAlso, ending = WIN.
@bubsAKAvermin
ReplyDeleteThank you very much! I love helpful Derpy I was literally beaming with excitement when I came up with the idea. Only problem was deciding on her personality for my story which was the harder part but I think I did a decent job.
Author-man-do needs to learn commas and apostrophes. I'm bearing on reading like I am due to how entertaining it is, but I always get caught up when I see an obvious place where there should be a comma.
ReplyDeleteI'm not being rude, I'm being BLUNT. It doesn't help anyone to sugar-coat an opinion
ReplyDeleteI love it! SpikeXRarity is one of my favourite couples but I hardly see fanfics about them... Anyways keep up with the good work and thanks for this awesome fanfic Vanderblast, I'll be waiting for the next chapter.
ReplyDelete@Ayumu
ReplyDeleteThat's quite ok I could use the advice so the next chapters are even better. I'll try my best to ask myself every time if a comma should be there or not.
And I'm glad you enjoyed it so much anon spike and rarity are one of my favorites as well hence why I chose to write about them despite dragons and ponies indeed not working that way.
lol at the end, if theres a part 2 then i approve :)
ReplyDelete@pollardy
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it brony. Funny thing about that extra bit at the end, a few days before I got to actually finishing this I had the idea for it and I was stoked about it, but when I actually was writing through to the ending it slipped my mind till after I sent it to get uploaded. Luckily I was able to make the quick change to get it in there. I hope you will approve of part 2 as well I will most likely start sometime next week.
the ending made me laugh seriously hard. very good story and it made me think about love myself, good job which ever pony wrote this story. the ending though was seriously hilarious =)
ReplyDeleteI would LOVE it if you added proper punctuation. I couldn't even get through it. Seemed like a nice story, though.
ReplyDeleteLol, that was quite an interesting ending. Dashie-Pie is adorable. I wonder, does everyone seem to feel that Derpy Hooves/Ditzy Doo is the voice of wisdom, as the blind were in many plays, for the Ponies?
ReplyDeleteI'm glad people still remember the terrible dance music of the 90s...Oh who am I kidding, it was great.
ReplyDeleteReading those first two comments, I lol'ed.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI was thinking of what the first two comments said when I saw the title
Oh, please, finish this.
ReplyDelete