• Story: What's Eating Rainbow Dash?



    [Normal][Sad]
    Somber wants this posted now! So have a late story

    Author: Somber
    Description: Mare Do Well has come and gone and Rainbow Dash has learned her
    lesson. Letter written, problem solved... right? Only lessons
    sometimes teach us more than we intend, as Twilight Sparkle learns.
    What's Eating Rainbow Dash?

    Additional Tags: Psychological, anger, tears, high drama, background, Episode 8

    186 comments:

    1. Ooh! Sounds good, I'll squeeze this in before I hit the hay

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    2. Alright now I say good night.

      *sniff* Poor Rainbow Dash T_T

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    3. hehehe, I'm going to sleep for a few mins, then it's like 08:35 am for me. Tehn I'm awake when you are asleep :P. Poor Dashie :/

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    4. My response to the title?
      Ponies... because Cupcakes.

      Sounds interesting enough, I'll give it a read soon.

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    5. Is this supposed to be like What's Eating Gilbert Grape or something? I see no crossover tag so I don't know

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    6. I'm about halfway through, and I'm lovin it. It really brings up some good points.

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    7. If this is what I think it's about, it'll probably be catharsis for a week's worth of complaints and "somepony is wrong on the Internet!" debates.

      Going to bed soon but I'll read this in the morning.

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    8. >Golden Harvest.
      Nope.apj

      Aside from that negligible thing, this was a great story. It offered a different take on the Mare Do Well episode, and a pretty likely post-episode scenario. The fic itself seems to play like an episode, though is a little shorter.

      On another note, it's strange how the assumptions I've made about Dash's history fit pretty closely to what the author conveyed in this story. It kinda makes me feel like a jerk because I too, like Twilight to an extent, assume that Dash can handle anything, even though I hold certain assumptions that would suggest otherwise.

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    9. what's eating Rainbow Dash? Well that's obivoius.

      She used to be an adventurer like you, then she took an arrow to the knee.

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    10. *spoilers*

      Dash felt a little too OOC for this to be 5/5. I appreciate the lesson, but I felt she was taking it a bit too far, what with almost turning on her friends and leaving them. I think her being the element of loyalty would've kept her from leaving. Just because you were hurt doesn't mean you should abandon your only friends. which i think this fic implied, but never explicitly stated.

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    11. This was kind of depressing. Makes you realise just how much of an ass the others were in that episode.

      But it has a positive ending so its all good :3

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    12. @Xeddrief

      I sympathize with Twilight in this one. I find it hard to sympathize with Dash. While I can see where Dash is coming from, somewhat because the author to her position and clobbered me with it, I find it hard to pity people who take popularity over genuine friendship.

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    13. wow, so I wasn't the only one who thought the Mane 5 were being asses to RD?

      good read and well...tears were shed

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    14. Read, and as always Somber gives us something of quality to read. It has it's strong points and weak points. It provides a very interesting interpretation post episode 8, one that I didn't think about before hand, but now I realize the lesson's flaws. Mark that as a point for Somber.

      As wackypony said, Dash is a bit out of character at times, but not so much where it will detract from my rating. I mean, who are we to say Dash wouldn't react like this if the entire town hated her? The fact of the matter is none of us know for certain, so canon can be stretched to fit interpretation.

      I managed to catch one error in punctuation and one error in spelling, though other then that it was, from a literary standpoint, flawless.

      The only jarring point for me is how when Twilight had been trying to convince Dash to stay in the 2nd to last scene, Dash had been steadfast throughout on her belief that she must move on. Suddenly though, Twilight says one thing and Dash basically says "yah I guess I'm too awesome to go", so she ends up staying and that's how the scene ends. Sure there was a bunch of lead up to that, but for Rainbow to instantly change from "no, I know I suck and don't belong here" to "yah, I'm too awesome to leave" was a lot to handle.

      Overall, 4.5/5 for the story. Rounding it up to a 5 for the sake of this site.

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    15. This brought up a lot of good points that could definitely be considered when thinking about the aftermath of the episode. Also I agree with the person above me, the ending seemed a bit too much, with Dash thinking she sucks then all of a sudden in her self loving self again. Overall, good story

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    16. I enjoyed the story. You put a lot more thought into the episode and reactions than I did initially, but for the most part, it felt right.

      A few mechanical errors (apostrophes, attribution, misspelled words), but overall you brushed it really well.

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    17. That was quite a hard-hitting story. Very good at pulling off the sad. And its reading of the episode makes a lot of sense; I think that if Mysterious Mare Do Well had aired right after or before Sonic Rainboom, Twilight et al. would have come off as real jerks. (Well, they sort of did anyways to some folks!)

      Highlights Reel:
      -Twilight's slow realization was pulled off especially well, IMO. My favorite bit how she still didn't quite "get it" even when confronting Rainbow Dash. It wasn't clean, and that worked great.
      -Junior Speedsters as remedial flight school. That makes so much depressing sense.
      -The banter on page one. Always entertaining to read good banter.
      -Dash's initial fall from grace. That was depressing, and, again, made tons of sense. Also, the mini-narrative of it was structured well. Also, the newspaper clippings that Dash kept.

      Possible fixes:
      -"All ready" should probably be "already" near the end (Fluttershy says it).
      -This one's much more a matter of taste: not sure if the line "Twilight Sparkle knew the question wasn’t about Appleloosa at all," was necessary. It tells the reader something about Twilight, but the information about the truth behind Rainbow's words is already conveyed by her dialogue and its context. You might consider changing it to showing an action of Twilight's that acknowledges her knowledge instead of outright saying it (like, having her smile tearfully, f'rinstance). Not an issue per se, just something I noticed.

      Anywho! What I took from the original episode was: "Don't showboat, it's tiresome." This one gave more of a vibe along the lines of: "Everypony is, after all, only human." (Cue Lyra) And things that remind us that our heroes are still people are always good; it's something many of us (myself included) can forget all too easily.

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    18. What's eating Rainbow Dash? Me, now it's becoming legal! Nom nom nom.

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    19. Overall, I liked it a lot, but there are a few things that aren't sitting quite right.
      Along with the observations made from wackypony, I have to say that Ponyville's reactions to Rainbow Dash's fall from grace is... kinda hamhanded.
      I mean, in context of the story it works perfectly fine (I really liked the scene with Golden Harvest's carrots) but as an epilogue to the episode it doesn't quite make sense.

      Where exactly did all of Ponyville suddenly get the idea that Dash was an showoff? Rainbow was never exposed in front of the whole town, and the revelation of Mare-Do-Well was in a back alley. The only pony that saw them was Cherry, who dropped the flowerpot.
      I might understand that it might have just been the natural backlash that comes from not being popular anymore, but it's strongly implied (if not directly stated) that Rainbow Dash is being treated this way directly because of Twilight Sparkle. How exactly did they find all of this out? Did somepony start spreading the word all over town or something?

      I feel odd pointing this out, because I actually did like that conflict a lot, but the fact that it didn't seem to make much sense kept me from fully enjoying it.

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    20. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    21. Well, the plot was good and interesting and the characters were in character (at least, I thought so), and I was, as is generally the case, pleased by the development of a nice Watsonian explanation for something. It's been mentioned that Dash's decision to stay felt a bit rushed, and, looking back on it, I think that there may be a point there; I personally didn't have a problem with it (I rather think that Dash was at that time conflicted about her decision and filled with a number of battling emotions and thoughts, the result being that her decision to leave, strong as it appeared, was in fact only metastable (oh, and here's a second level I didn't see until now: isn't the core of the story that Dash isn't as strong as she looks?)), but the story might perhaps be improved by removing a bit of the subtlety. The mechanical quality, though, was…[fluttershy]nice[/fluttershy]. The flaws were mostly in punctuation, but there were also some sentence fragments, awkward phrasings, typos, and flawed pronoun-antecedent relationships. Also, I think that you probably meant "Quills and Sofas" instead of "Couches and Quills". I think that, if EQD's star system actually worked on my computer and supported half stars, I'd give this a 4.5. Maybe a 4.7, but not even FIMFiction supports tenths.

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    22. @Gozer the Equestrian
      the episode was written by a brand new writer to any show ever, so i give it some passes, but I like that we got this story out of it.

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    23. It's a sweet little story and it covers most of the issues I had with Mare-Do-Well's moral. I approve.

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    24. Another story well deserving of its [Sad] tag - I thoroughly enjoyed it, despite how much it made (is making) me cry.

      I think Dash being so vulnerable makes a lot of sense, as does the setup you used for it. And I absolutely adore Dash and Pinkie's roles in this story.

      There are a few mechanical errors , but the only one that really stood out to me was near the end:
      "Now Twilight rallied as she pointed her hoof at Twilight"

      In all, I thought it was a great story, and I'm going to go cry over it some more.

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    25. I have to say I never put that much thought in when watching the episode. This does sort of make sense, though there are those points others have mentioned already, especially the fact that all of Ponyville turned against her like that.

      I really liked this story with it's different view on things and Twilight's (bad) understanding of how ponies think. I still think RD was a jerk in the episode, though. Anyways, good work!

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    26. Was okay. Not a fan of the concept and execution, but it was still better than I expect from fanfics.

      Twilight was kinda dumb, and the others were acting like "it was all Twilight's idea, I was just a pawn in her scheme!" Twilight is by far the most rational of the mane 6, and it stands to reason that she'd be smart enough to call them out on something like that. Twilight may not be particularly social, but her rationale has always made her strong at debating.

      The Mare-do-well plan was rather passive aggressive, but given RD, it might have been the only way anyways (Talking? RD is a pony of action, not words). It wasn't mean. In the ep, RD was handling Mare-do-well very badly. If Mare-do-well was, say, Derpy, then RD was acting like a jealous glory-hog. That Mare-do-well was the other 5 does not change that. The only difference would lay in the nature of their friendships, and personal psyche, which the show concludes for us as not being an issue by passing the lesson as something they are all happy with (no dark pasts or deep-seated insecurities at play). That isn't a knock on the fanfic though, because it did alter that conclusion by throwing in a past, and insecurities.

      I agree with the lesson of the episode. "Nice shot, kid. Don't get cocky." Simplistically, it's fine. People are complicated, and that could change things, but these are ponies, and complications are so far from the point.

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    27. you know i was thinking that after last episode as well...... it was only her friends that had a problem with rd's bragging........ i mean i wondered why they didnt try haveing a serious talk with her first.....

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    28. This is a pretty good self-contained story but it doesn't fit with the show: Equestria simply doesn't work that way.

      Also, I wanted to say pretty much what Heimdal said but I'm too tired to form the thoughts properly.

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    29. @JiiKoo
      Still, even if they weren't shouting Dashy's lesson from the rooftops, but Cherry did see them all in costume they weren't exactly quiet enough to eliminate the possibility that she overheard the whole thing.

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    30. @Heimdal

      I think the author was more trying to tell a story hear instead of utilizing the characters 100% properly.

      also, i know popularity can be brutal in the real world, but i can't see our Equestria being that brutal.

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    31. Wow, I never thought about it, but it really was a dick move of the other five to "teach Rainbow Dash her lesson" out in the open like that. They could have just revealed themselves to her in private, but instead they let her make an ass of herself in front of the whole town. This story really was thought provoking.

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    32. @Gozer the Equestrian

      RD making an ass of herself is nopony else's fault. That the 5 revealed themselves to be Mare-do-well could have been the only reason RD stopped and didn't dig herself a deeper hole.

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    33. @Somber i love your work. I am sorry you didnt enjoy episode 8. But if Twilight had just talked to RB she would have just not cared. Some time we all need to be brought down a notch. Humility, we all need it sometimes so we never give up on doing better or being better. Stay awesome. /)(\

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    34. Somber...Somber...Somber...

      FALLOUT EQUESTRIA PROJECT HORIZONS!!!

      Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! ALL MY FIVE! I haven't even read it yet and I'm giving it five stars!

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    35. @Heimdal
      But that's my point, they could have revealed themselves a lot sooner.

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    36. @Heimdal
      Passive-aggressive plans to teach your friends a lesson (a questionable idea in and of itself) through lies and deception are always bad ideas. They're kind of inherently mean-spirited and ineffectual; if you've got a problem with something someone is doing, you should directly confront them about it or let it blow up in their face on its own, not concoct a convoluted scheme to mess with them.

      You ever watch Arrested Development? J. Walter Weatherman had a point.

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    37. @Gozer the Equestrian

      I suppose, but there wasn't much indication of time-span. It could have just been one crazy, dangerous day in Ponyville. Besides, it was a more interesting climax the way it was.

      That RD didn't choke down bitterness with her lesson is a whole other important lesson in itself.

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    38. Saw where it was going halfway into it.

      Doing what is right for popularity is wrong.

      It got so bad to a point that Rainbow even ignored the balloonist and made that crack in the dam worse.

      If you think about it Rainbow was responsible for starting a flood and almost accidentally killing herself.

      Rainbow got so bad in needing attention that she started doing mundane things and asking for opinions on said things.

      Rainbow had stopped caring about saving ponies and more about the spotlight. Is that really how a hero acts? She ignored the balloonist to sign an autograph. She talked instead of taking immediate action with the cart.

      Rainbow Dash could have ended up with the Spiderman lesson, being that some pony died because of her inaction or actions other then immeditely solving the problem.

      Sure you saved my life, but why did you save my life? Did you do it for me? Did you do it for yourself? Did you do it for someone else? Did you do it because everyone else was too afraid too? Did you do it because it was the right thing to do?

      One last thing, nobody ever talked about the aftermath of the dam bursting for a few minutes before it was fixed.

      It's not just upstaging Rainbow, they saved lives that Rainbow couldn't possibly have including her own. If that makes them wrong, then should they have let those ponies die? That seems like a pretty steep cost compared to a blow to the pride of one pony.

      That blow would have come either way, nothing better for the media then watching a hero fail.

      These are the views of a supposedly evil monster, not to be taken lightly or too seriously.

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    39. @A Pony Farce
      Clarification: when I say "let it blow up in their face on its own" I don't mean you should sit back and let them get hurt, just that if you can't get them to stop you should be there to help them pick themselves back up and grow from the experience once it gets them into trouble.

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    40. @wackypony I dunno, that fight over Smarty Pants really illustrated the primal, reptilian violence inherent in the struggle for Equestrian popularity... =P

      In seriousness, though, I feel as if you're basing your idea of the characters more from fanon than canon. RD may be the element of loyalty, but that's not a character trait in and of itself. And on a small-scale level, she has been shown to abandon her friends in order to further her dream of becoming a Wonderbolt (at the Gala). Yes, there were reasons for it, but there were reasons here, too.

      Oh, and I don't agree with Heimdal that Twilight is good at debating. She loses the Zecora debate, the Pinkie Sense debate, takes forever to get AJ to accept help, can't get her friends to understand her problem in Lesson Zero, etc. Her character is very smart and capable, but lacking in common sense and understanding. (of course, all this is just my view - feel free to disagree so we can come closer to consensus)

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    41. @A Pony Farce

      It did blow up in RD's face all on it's own. If RD didn't act badly, then the only thing the others' scheme would have accomplished is heroically saving random pony lives.

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    42. @D. Shadows
      If you're doing what's right, it doesn't matter whether you're doing it for fame or out of the kindness of your heart or whatever. In the end, doing the right thing is doing the right thing. If someone saves my life, I'm not gonna be an ungrateful fuck and go "well yeah but you only did it for the fame so fuck you buddy."

      As for the dam, it was already cracked and Dash probably would have tried to plug it even if she hadn't been looking for fame (because she's not good at thinking ahead). Also, the others could have dealt with the dam without making it part of some convoluted lesson; the problem with MDW wasn't that they were saving people but that they were deliberately doing it to fuck with their friend.

      Plus, if Dash is wrong to help people just for the fame, how does that make it okay for the others to help people just to teach her a lesson?

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    43. @Heimdal
      If RD hadn't been acting like a braggart the others wouldn't have done it in the first place, since they did it with the sole purpose of trying to teach Dash a lesson. That's what I take issue with, since the very idea of "teaching your friends a lesson" is flawed to begin with; it's passive-aggressive, mean-spirited, and usually doesn't work.

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    44. BUT FALLOUT Q_Q
      Nah, shall read it :)

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    45. @Overlong Analysis Cobalt

      the smart pants example is poor because that was magical manipulation.

      i prefer to base my view off of canon. I hate crossings fanfic views unless it's a continuation of a fic. people's view of a character is affected by personal experiences that you can't really hope to understand.

      as for Dash abandoning her friends at the gala, that was an acceptable situation where her friends didn't really need her, nor did she need them. it was their night to do what they wanted.

      the reasons here felt a bit too extreme. Which is why i think Somber was driving home a point instead of being character driven here.

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    46. @Overlong Analysis Cobalt

      Twilight shows she is excellent at debates. Abnormal behaviour and stubborness inhibits proper debate. Twilight's loss was that they wouldn't debate with her.

      Lesson Zero proved that there are things that can make her mind go loopy. She wasn't in any rational debate form. I kinda loved how that ep twisted her up so much like that. In fact, seeing her with cracks like that made her a lot more relatable, and I liked her so much more after.

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    47. @A Pony Farce

      I never said to be ungrateful or to forget ones actions.

      Quote: Plus, if Dash is wrong to help people just for the fame, how does that make it okay for the others to help people just to teach her a lesson?

      Of course it's a double standard.

      Rainbow didn't start off rescuing people for fame, she did it genuinely from the start.

      Twilight and the others didn't do it to just teach her a lesson either.

      The problem is that she let fame become the ruling reason as to why she did the rescuing. She actually let it go to her head and it got in the way of her actually taking action.

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    48. This was a dang good read, totally worth the time.

      Was the fic extremely weighted in taking the pro-Rainbow Dash side of the morale? Yeah, sure, but the argument in Rainbow Dash's favor was not only weaved extremely well and with great logic, but it allowed the author to show each of the Mane 6's perspective on the situation while enriching us with both a historal review of the previous episodes' lessons as well as some really rich, detailed, and totally palpable fanon backstory. I really, really liked the less-than-glorious past that was invented for Rainbow Dash's career, and that it was Fluttershy of all ponies who had an insight on it. Rarity's input was also fantastic--what with the motif of fame and boasting and all. I also really liked the plot mechanic that suggests that Pinkie *intended* to have been caught by Rainbow Dash; that put an entirely new spin on things.

      I suppose that I'm a biased individual, because I love Rainbow Dash so much, but I think this story deserves more than five stars. It made me laugh quite a few times, it was balanced, it was concise and to the point, and it took a chance to present every character's angle, just like a real episode of the show. It does rather viciously blemish Twilight Sparkle's integrity, though, but it's nice that her character learns a lesson in a way that is deserving of her three dimensions. I think I'll forever have this in my head as the unofficial sequel to episode eight.

      I hope to be writing a major textual leviathan featuring Rainbow Dash myself. I think this has been fine inspiration for me. Thank you very much for writing it; this fandom has produce a relatively bitter response to episode eight, and this fic is a breath of fresh air, proof that bronies are capable of loving and tolerating the shit out of our favorite characters.

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    49. A note to the author: Don't forget it's Equestria. Change "everyone" to "everypony" and "people" to "ponies." ;) A lot of errors down there with the context :)

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    50. @D. Shadows
      No, the Mare-Do-Well thing was definitely just to teach Dash a lesson. They explicitly say they did it because Dash needed to show some humility, and there's no evidence in the show to suggest that they

      Saving people is all well and good, and I'm not saying that they didn't care about that aspect at all, but wearing the costume, having Fluttershy do a "fly-by," and sitting around in Sugar Cube Corner and talking about how great MDW is don't have anything to do with saving people. The only thing they do is send Dash a message, and that message is "you think you're good, well fuck you because MDW is so much better than you could ever be." That may not be their intended message, but it's the one they send out and it's the one that Dash gets.

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    51. @A Pony Farce
      Oh, sorry, I jumped ahead and left that first thought half-finished. That first paragraph should go:

      No, the Mare-Do-Well thing was definitely just to teach Dash a lesson. They explicitly say they did it because Dash needed to show some humility, and there's no evidence in the show to suggest otherwise. If they really cared about saving people, they wouldn't have waited until they had the costume to do it.

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    52. Never commented on a fic before, but speaking as someone who hated the episode. This was pretty much how I felt during it.

      Seriously, Teaching somebody a lesson like that doesn't teach them a lesson. It crushes them.

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    53. @Godna

      Not always and only if they take it like that. you can learn a life lesson this way and not have it crush you, it's just difficult to do so. The way this fic set itself up, it left little room to not have Dash get crushed.

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    54. What's eating Rainbow Dash, huh?

      Probably Pinkie Pie.

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    55. @wackypony

      I was refering to the method they used to teach it to her.

      Seriously, having your friends gang up to teach you a lesson not to mention infront of everyone It's not a good feeling.

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    56. Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

      They may have taught the lesson harshly but it was along time coming. I disagree with the sympathizers and thus the author.

      Everyone fawns over the idea of tough love until it happens to themselves.

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    57. I'm glad folks liked it, even if it wasn't great. I didn't like how episode 8 basically took the only two things that Dash has in her life (her fame and her friend) and had the latter strip her of the former under the guise of Twilight knowing best and teaching her a lesson. The episode basically handed Dash the idiot ball, and at the very end everypony is happy with what they just did to Dash.

      I wish the story had been better. This is my attempt at writing without editors and as we can see, it sucks monkey butt. But I'm glad it was decent. The ending might seem a little bit abrupt. Originally this was going to be a sad fic with a bad end. Then some folks told me that there wouldn't be anywhere for Twilight to go if RD left or killed herself over this. So I went for the happy ending.

      I'll try and do better next time.

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    58. @Godna

      i missed the entire dam scene and haven't watched it since, but i saw the rest of the episode. i don't remember it being in front of everypony. <_<

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    59. I liked this story, because I'm one of the people who felt that what the rest of the mane 6 pulled on Dash in that episode was a pretty big dick move.
      Yes, Dash was being arrogant, show-offish, etc, I'm not denying that, nor am I denying that she needed to have her head deflated. I just disagree with the manner in which it was done, and this fic hits pretty much all the points on that front.

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    60. @Somber

      To be honest....

      The writing and presentation of the story itself isn't bad at all. Could do with a bit of editing but you did a good job capturing their points of view.

      Just cuz' I disagree with your assessment of the situation (and thus most of the folks commenting in this thread) doesn't mean I can't appreciate the author's point of view especially if written decently.

      I don't think there's a reason to apologize for the writing at all :)

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    61. I'll agree with Darax here.

      I still see Dash as a bit more forgiving than she is here, but eh... it works this way to.

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    62. And the thing is... the lesson could have been taught in other ways.

      RD could have gotten smothered by the attention, especially when ponies were caught arranging the accidents (I nominate Snips and Snails and Scootaloo) as opportunities for RD to prove how much more awesome she is.

      RD becomes more and more full of herself to where she starts blowing it and her friends (without costumes) start having to do the actual saving because she's too busy trying to be a hero.

      Even Twilight and friends talking to RD first BEFORE MDW's appearance would have lessened the sting because it would show they tried an intervention that failed before moving on to publicly upstaging her. It would have made MDW 'there wasn't anything else we could do' rather than 'Twilight and friends tear down Dash infront of everypony.'

      And that dam... you know I have no problem with the dam itself (as they've been constructed for centuries for water control) but a dam that breaks just by Dash touching it? I know building codes must be crap in Ponyville but a dam that breaks from one pegasus touching it raises some real serious questions... so I just kinda ignored it.

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    63. yeah, this episode could've been handled better, but I still attribute any of it's major flaws to the new writer. Which probably earned her a free or easier pass amongst the higher ups, as well, since scripts and stories are heavily revised and edited before they actually are agreed upon.

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    64. Five stars. I see I wasn't the only one who thaught that the MDW plan was excessive. I'm okay with Applejack and Pinkie parts...but Twilight and Fluttershy's (adding the arrogant attitude of the first one) only existed to wreck RD. And don't forget the Sugarcube Corner reunion, where almost all of them were BRAGGING about their performances. Hello? Humilty and all that stuff? Specially Twilight, "I'm a great student, Celestia loves me, yadda yadda".

      I'd liked to see a sad ending, with RD leaving Ponyville leaving a emotionally wrecked Twilight behind...but the part at Rainbow's house and the letter are also great. Congrats sir, good job.

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    65. Yeah, this was a perfect response to the Mare Do Well episode. Giant dick move.

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    66. @Somber
      I was thinking about an alternate telling where the focus was on the others as they set up the Mare-Do-Well scheme, but in the end something goes wrong and Dash has to save them. The fact that her friends were bothered enough by her bragging to pull that whole stunt makes Dash realize that she should have been more humble, and the others learn that it's better to directly confront people with your problems instead of being passive-aggressive about it.

      (Alternately, Mare-Do-Well saves a pony and accidentally tears off their arm. Everybody freaks out, but then Dash walks in and reveals that she figured out who Mare-Do-Well was and had J. Walter Weatherpony help her turn the tables. "And that's why you don't try to teach your friends a lesson!")

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    67. @LloydZelos

      wreck is a bit.... dramatic, don't ya think? <_< If that was all it took to wreck you, you had bigger problems than boasting.

      really, i think Dash probably took something away from this episode, but not anything as dramatic as this fic.

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    68. @wackypony

      Sorry, english isn't my native language and sometimes I have some problems finding the correct word to use. Seems like I've Rarityed a little with that word, lol. *lies on a couch whining*

      Maybe it would be better to say that Twlight exaggerated a bit and bragged with her attitude, and Fluttershy flying was intended to wipe out Dash's confidence. Like, totally unnecesary.

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    69. Yup.
      Dash brags a bit much and her friends are very mean to her sums that episode up. I was ok with it until they started pointing out how much better Do Well was then Dash.

      :I didn’t even have a pet till I realized that my friends were leaving me our because of it. :
      our -> out

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    70. Copy paste everything wackypony said into this comment.



      I didn't like Ep 8. Not for exactly the same reason as Somber seemed to have, but I did share some base reasoning (for example, I do think that Mare-do-well was a particularly poorly thought out plan). But I still don't think the problems with the episode justify the events of this story.



      For example, fame is fickle, but Rainbow Dash has always been a bit Rainbow Dash from the very first episode. This is hardly the first episode where she acted like that, so for the town to turn against her over an event (let alone how they actually figured out the Mare-do-well's identity) doesn't really make any sense.

      And while I agree with the assessment of Rainbow's personality that she uses her bragging as a front, I honestly don't think she would react this way. She didn't react that way in Boast Busters when Twilight refused to come to her defense. She didn't react that way in Sonic Rainboom when Rarity actively (albeit unintentionally) sabotaged the competition for her. I just don't think her actions of basically walking away from everything in this story are justified.

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    71. Some times the lessons we are taught arent't the proper lessons to use.

      This is turly an engaging tale/aftermath storyline to the episode. As I think you honed in on the problem very well...and that was the consideration of Rainbow Dash's own feelings.

      I mean if I was her and was embrassed by my friends in front of the whole town, I would have left town too in a reaction to it.

      I would have like to see an alternate take on it showing Rainbow Dash leaving Ponyville and how it affects the other ponies.

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    72. The difference with RD here and RD in Boast Busters is that Twilight didn't intentionally arrange with Trixie ahead of time to make her look like an idiot. And in Rainboom, Dash ultimately won. Imagine if at the end of Sonic Rainboom Rarity won. Or worse, that at the begining of Rainboom, Twilight decided RD was a bragger and conspired with Rarity to tear her down. That's the difference.

      RD has no problem making mistakes. She's made them before. She'll make them again. What really hurt her, in my view, was the betrayal. That Twilight acted to undermine her fame and reputation because she decided that Rainbow Dash was acting inappropriately and did nothing to rein her in before publicly humiliating her.

      Oh, and that one pony at the end of the episode saw them unmasked. As for the town turning on her, think about what we do with our own celebrities when we decide they're not worth our devotion. We turn on them. Bash them. Snub them. Then they either reinvent themselves, or go away and we move on to the next.

      Originally I had RD suicide but was talked out of it. Dunno... maybe it would have been better that way. Sorry that I didn't clear your bar Tenchi.

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    73. @Somber
      i haven't seen the episode since, but i don't remember Dash reacting as poorly as you seem to be saying.

      yeah, you can make it or put it there. She more or less, from my memory, seemed to be ... okay with it.

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    74. This was a wonderful story, and a perfect compliment to the episode. Don't put yourself down. Besides some minor grammar and spelling issues I thought it was very well written. I really liked the way Twilight slowly realized the repercussions of her "prank" through talking with her friends. It felt very natural and flowed really well. The only thing I felt was missing was at the end. The issue of RD's ruined reputation was never addressed. Does Ponyville still hate her? Did her friends make a public apology to help patch things up? I assume so, since they're all in good spirits at the end, but it's never explained. Might make a good epilogue.

      ReplyDelete
    75. It's called loyalty for a reason, your either loyal to those you trust, or your loyal to only yourself

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    76. @wackypony

      Perhaps the initial shock, combined with her pride, kept her from telling her friends how she really felt. I think it's plausible, anyway.

      ReplyDelete
    77. It's not a perfect story. It could do with some proofreading, especially with an eye towards bringing the dialogue more in line with everypony's voices.

      But there's the thrust of a really good one-shot here. If you cleaned up the stylistic issues, removed the few swears I spotted (and, let's be honest, fiddled with it a bit to remove mention of anypony's pre-show background because MLP tends to gloss over that), then this could make for the script of a really good episode.

      As it is, it still has the potential to be a really good one-shot. It's a story where I'm willing to suffer the flaws to take it as a whole. It'd be better if I didn't have to, of course, but it's still darn fine work.

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    78. @Somber
      It's a natural reaction people have, when their afraid of something or don't understand it, they ban together to make that thing feel bad of unwanted, in this case, Dash became to much of a celebrity hero,, instead of just another friendly person with enough courage and devotion to a just cause. But they didn't really hate her at the end of the episode.

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    79. Let's just say that the way Rainbow Dash was affected in this story was how she would've been affected in "real life" (as much as you can make that comparison with a fictional world of pastel colored ponies). And yes, how the population turned on her is exactly what would've happened in real life as well.

      I knew there was something off about that episode and this really highlighted what's been on my mind for a week.

      Brilliant story

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    80. And as for why Rainbow Dash turned around quickly at the end she was searching for an excuse, any excuse, not to cut and run, she didn't really want to leave. And Twilight's apology was enough more than enough.

      ReplyDelete
    81. I thought this was a great story. Cathartic, too, after all the bitterness of the last week.

      As a self-confessed Rainbow Dash fanboy, I have to admit, I felt annoyed at how the episode sought to bring her down—and worse, at how so many members of the fandom railed against Rainbow as a result, attacking her for her braggadocio, completely overlooking the fact that she saved half a dozen lives. Her friends' reactions—and the reactions of the fandom—both seemed cosmically unfair to a character who really ought to have been regarded as a hero, not disparaged for being a little overzealous.

      When the episode was announced, I was really excited for it, because I figured it meant a redux of the Rainbow Dash we saw in Sonic Rainboom. Hurt Rainbow Dash, trembling in a corner, questioning her own abilities and self-worth. It's a really interesting aspect of her character which the show hasn't fully explored, and I was dismayed when the writers decided to bypass that avenue entirely and play the concept off for laughs at the expense of Rainbow's character.

      This story helped lessen the sting a bit. The behaviors of the characters might have been a little inconsistent, and the author obviously took the concept a whole lot farther than the show ever would have, but otherwise, this is pretty much what I was hoping for in the episode but never got. A deeper examination of Rainbow Dash that does justice to her character. And some humility for her friends, just as an added cherry on top. My only complaint is how abruptly it all wrapped up.

      I am glad you decided against turning it into a suicide fic. That would have been a step too far.

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    82. Haven't read the fic yet, I'm sure it'll be great.
      But the choice of cover image combined with that title got me.
      I never thought I'd see his art here, and at first I read the title as "that's eating Rainbow Dash." I think I screamed "NOOO!" loudly enough to wake up my neighbors.

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    83. Jesus, Somber. I don't know why you'd put something like suicide into this particular world. Aside from the complete contradiction of tone it's lazy writing.

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    84. Somber, I'm glad you didn't go with the suicide ending. I could see Rainbow moving, but suicide would be over doing her reaction.

      The only thing I'd change is having Scootaloo also see the boxes and rush in to try to get Rainbow to stay. A pep talk from the filly that has looked up to her since day one would have been better for convincing Rainbow to stay.

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    85. Hmm. . .

      I'll say this. Your writing is competent, and exploring the full consequences of the rest of Mane Six's actions in the last episode, but I thought your execution was poor.

      The way you wrote this feels less like a story and more like a polemic against those who thought the rest of the Mane Six were in the right. (I personally found their motives, and methods to be very questionable, but Rainbow Dash also has her share of the blame for what happened to her).

      As a result everything in just feels off. The citizens of Ponyville seem to know more then they should, and react more extremely then they should. The others seem pretty quick to wash their hooves of the event and dump any possible blame or responsibility on Twilight. The fact that some of them had their doubts about the plan is believable, but you make it seem like it was all Twilight's fault and the others were just following orders.

      This story could have explored the relationship dynamics between Rainbow Dash, her friends, and Ponyville and how they had been affected by the events of the last episode. Instead the author was more interested in arguing against the last weeks episode.

      I give it 3/5 because the writing is competent and the concept is sound.

      On a completely unrelated note I wish Seth had picked a different picture, because that thing that is trying to pass itself off as a pony looks ugly as sin.

      ReplyDelete
    86. ::sighs... really wishing I could get in and fix it...::

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    87. @Montag

      The fact of the matter there WAS at least one witness. Cherry was there, but for all we know, every building on that street could've had people observing the entire incident from beginning to end and then spreading it around town. It's not that big of a stretch.

      ReplyDelete
    88. I had a very hard time getting into the story. Half the time I didn't know who was talking and the writing seemed a tad bit stilted.

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    89. 2/3 for mechanics and style.
      1/2 for the content (actually .5 but I'm rounding up because of EQD's rating system).

      I get the message the author is trying to send, and the aesop is nice, but it's not delivered terribly well, and the idea is somewhat flawed as well.
      The concept that "it's not bragging if it's true" or that one needs to brag or boast as a matter of course are incorrect.
      The very definition of the words tell us that such speech is excessively prideful--it can't be appropriately moderated.

      Besides that, if RD can't handle public criticism or a lack of fame then she has bigger problems than bragging. It would seem we could add a lack of self-respect and self-esteem to the list of things she doesn't have. Those are far more worrying IMO.

      The whole idea of the town even shaming RD doesn't make a lot of sense; acknowledging that she was a braggart doesn't devalue the work she did.

      I'll be the first to acknowledge that TS and the rest handled the situation poorly, but it's not deserving of this level of drama.

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    90. @Sebiale

      Look at say, George Lucas, or a lot of other creative types. They can't accomplish what they've accomplished without bragging and without an ego. It is absolutely essential for success in those industries. Rarity is absolutely right.

      ReplyDelete
    91. I'm sorry Somber, but you lost me at the suicide tidbit. I don't care WHAT you thought of the episode, going so far as to have RD KILL HERSELF over being humbled is just sickening. I don't care if you didn't go through with it, the mere thought is sickening.

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    92. @Graywand I have an issue with that statement. George Lucas is a bad example. I've never seen any other director go back and make his previous movies worse than they were by throwing in needless CGI. I'm citing THX 1138 here.

      ReplyDelete
    93. I'm seeing a lot of Somber bashing here.

      Let's see the rest of you go out n write something as meaningful as this. I know I can't, and I've tried.

      Somber, don't listen to these featherbrains. The story was great. And I'm glad you got talked out of a suicide scene. I've seen enough "RBD kills herself" to last several lifetimes.

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    94. @SFF

      You want sickening? I'm writing a story with drug abuse, mental disorders, social exile, homicide, suicide, matricide, the works!

      Just because somber's story has a hint of suicide doesn't mean it's bad, if anything, you're close-mindedness is sickening.

      ReplyDelete
    95. @SFF
      Have you read Cupcakes?

      @Rainb0wdashie
      The theme of your story sounds interesting, can't wait to read.

      ReplyDelete
    96. @Rainb0wdashie

      Its not just that, I just plain don't see the appeal of the fic itself. I'm one of the (apparently few) people that believes that the Mane Five's actions were necessary due to Dash's ego beginning to endanger others, so the idea of Dash becoming an emotional wreck over her humbling just comes off as hamfisted.

      Not to mention the entire town outside the Mane Five treating Dash as public enemy #1 just seems forced and contrived.

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    97. @Somber
      You have no reason to apologize for, all of your work has been truly great so far, big fan of Project Horizons, about that I said on the Kkats fallout an idea about using the fourhorseman of the Apocolypse as something so if you'd like to use that let me know, but truthfully just stick to what you do best, writing awsome stories. :)

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    98. Yeah, despite my admittedly harsh "review" of this, I agree with the above. Your work on Fallout Equestria is pretty good Somber. You're a good writer, I'm not denying that, this fic just wasn't my cup of tea.

      If anything, I'M sorry for sounding so harsh. D=

      *gives Somber an apology muffin*

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    99. @Timber

      Let's See You Do Better is never a valid rebuttal.


      @Somber

      You have no reason to apologize.

      ReplyDelete
    100. This story is far too one-sided for my personal taste. Yes, Mare-Do-Well wasn’t the best episode and I agree that it was a bad move that that her friends not even tried to talk with RD before playing super hero. However, Dash became a very arrogant prick and need a lesson in modesty. In this story Dash is 100% right and Twilight is 100% wrong.

      What’s about the balloon incident? A pony was plumbing to her dead and RD decided that there would be enough time to save her after she signed an autograph. Sorry but not even a bad childhood is an excuse to let the fame get to your head.

      And the scene with Pinkie is probably the worst part of the Fic.
      “Because… as soon as you told us your idea my Pinkie sense… it told me if I said it was bad you’d get so mad… you’d stop being my friend. “Really? Abandoning one of her best friends because she didn’t like the Mare-do-well plan? That’s not the Twilight Sparkle from the show.

      So instead of a good fic that deals with the issue and shows us the errors of both side, Rainbow Dash gets an absolution and the blame is put on Twilight – and Twilight only despite the fact that the others participated in the Mare-Do-Well plan as well.

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    101. I must disagree on two points:
      1 If anything, MDW saved Dash' reputation. Imagine the backlash if she hadn't saved the pony in the baloon, when Dash was a second too late because of bragging.
      2 The fire in the library, even if it was fake, was a major OOC for Twilight. The story is set just a couple episodes after LessonZero, where Twilight learned just what happens when you try to "make" a problem. And even there doing something like this didn't occur to her until she completely snapped.

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    102. I'm glad I wasn't the only one thinking this. I wrote my own fanfic about it but it was a lot shorter than this.

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    103. All around, a very good story, and in my opinion, saved a bad episode, in my mind at least. Well thought out and worded. There were a few grammatical errors, but we all know how great a writer you, so no biggy. My only criticism is the ending. RD seemed to change her mind a little quickly there. Perhaps if she DIDN'T forgive Twilight... But all in all, 9/10

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    104. Somber, i haven't read your other work, so your style is sorta new to me, but as many nitpicks as I have about this fic, it's still one of the more thought out fics i've read.

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    105. Alright, finally getting a chance to sit down and read this. Let's see here...


      Well, Twilight, you can't blame Dash for the fan club. She didn't start it. Scootaloo did.

      Fluttershy must know something about Dash from Cloudsdayle that the rest don't know.

      Yes Twilight, shock, ponies can be complete jerks. And they think they're completely in the right since Dash's own friends just humbled her right in front of the entire city.

      Explanation for the Rainboom obsession, backstory behind Rainbow Crash, and explanation of what Dash is always trying to avoid all in one go. Very nice.

      I love Applejack's line on how Rainbow was acting.

      Awwww... you called her Golden Harvest. CARROT TOP FOREVER!

      And ooooooh, Dash's name is now officially an insult. I know -exactly- how that feels.

      And Rarity, with her experience doing similar things in her field as Dash is trying to do in her own field, is now the voice of reason.

      Yes Twilight, they turn on you. And it can be very, very terrible.

      I had read a couple comments before reading and someone said Twilight was acting very OOC when she set the fire. Well, no, no she wasn't. It was shown in Lesson Zero, and then again in Mare Do Well, that is in her general character to set up situations, Batman gambits, in order to see a desired result. The difference in Lesson Zero is that she was trying to tear apart three friends just so she could put them back together. -That- was the crazy part, not the part about causing a problem. Here, she was merely setting up a controlled situation in which she hoped Dash would come to the rescue and get her confidence restored. It's very, very different than what she tried to do to the CMC.

      Pinkie Pie makes a very good point. The actions of the Mare Do Well didn't directly teach Rainbow the lesson. All they did was show Rainbow that she was slow, non-magical, and a general screw-up who wasn't as good as somepony else. They were relying on the citizens of Ponyville to teach Rainbow the lesson about bragging. But even then, they went about it the wrong way. They didn't make the Mare Do well and even bigger braggart, which might show Rainbow how obnoxious she was being, they just make Rainbow a non-entity in Ponyville - completely forgotten and looked down upon.

      Ok... Pinkie Sense doesn't work like that... Or at least it doesn't work like that in anything we've been shown yet.



      Ok, finished it. 4.5 stars. I've seen better, and Somber has written better (specifically PH), but this was very good.

      I have a couple quibbles. Specifically the Pinkie Sense thing, some spelling and grammar errors, and the idea that the 5 of them never confronted Dash about how she was acting. I know they never explicitly did it in the show, but they only have 22 minutes and might just not have had time for it. I personally have a hard time believing that they'd just skip straight to Mare Do Well and pass actual confrontation.


      I think, however, that my time is better spent confirming that situation Rarity and Dash presented in the story very much DO exist.

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    106. (Names, places, and activities have been changed to keep the privacy of those involved. :P)

      A couple years ago I was a newcomer to a certain place. Right after I joined, I did some pretty cool things for people and was also good at the activity we were there to do. I was quickly becoming rather popular.

      And then I started screwing up. Over the course of a couple months, nothing I did went right. Failure after failure went by, and each time more and more people changed their opinion of me. Some of it was dumb luck, but some of it was that the people around me were simply doing better than me and making me look foolish in the process.

      It eventually went so far that my name started being used as an insult to express how stupid or dumb someone else was doing. No matter how hard you try to put on a strong face, that is a very tough thing to watch. It hurts.

      So I left. I couldn't take it anymore and I just withdrew from outside life. I wanted to go somewhere else where I wasn't known and where I could start over. Then I found that place, and it that somewhere else happened to be on the internet and in this fandom.

      Reputation is more important and has more influence than fact can ever have. That can also be shown in the end of my story. About a year, year and a half after I left, I went back to the original place I talked about. The place I had been ridiculed and pretty much kicked out of. Except when I went back, almost everyone who had been there the first time had moved on as well. The couple people who had been there the first time had either not participated in the hatred or had come to realize what they were doing and stopped it. To this day I am still there, and having fun. I am seen not as a screw-up, but as someone who is pretty smart and good at what they do. The facts of the situation didn't change, but the reputation did.

      I think the purpose of this story isn't to blame Twilight or say Dash wasn't being a jerk. Dash says it herself over and over again near the end of the fic, "Why didn't you guys just come and tell me I was being a jerk?" The purpose is to show and talk about reputation and how it effects different people/ponies in different ways. Ponies like Twilight, Applejack, and Fluttershy don't have to worry about popularity or reputation simply because their jobs, their hobbies, or their lives don't revolve around what other think of them or their abilities. Dash and Rarity, the other hand, always have to consider what others think of them. If others' opinions of them and their abilities aren't as high as can be, they suffer. And not necessarily in a "woe is me, I'm not the most popular pony ever" sort of way. Rarity's sales will drop if ponies don't like her. Dash's dream of being a Wonderbolt may never happen if she doesn't get enough prestige to be noticed outside of the BYF Competition, and she certainly won't get higher on the weather team rotation if no one knows about her.

      Rarity in Sweet and Elite basically did the same thing as Dash in Mare Do Well. She let her new-found popularity go to her head. Instead of becoming an obnoxious bragger, however, she simply neglected her friends. But both Dash's and Rarity's reactions were born out of their innate need to have ponies notice them and their abilities.

      Neither Dash nor Rarity were in the right in letting it go to their heads, but, as per the story, Twilight was certainly not in the right to just tear down the foundations of... well basically of Rainbow Dash's life.

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    107. I think you've hit the nail on the head.

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    108. @RainbowYoshi
      Welcome to the club brother.(give you hug)

      ReplyDelete
    109. I was not fine with the original ending of the tv-episode (I had a feeling of betrayal) and I have to say that your way of ending is much more loveable and fitting (yes, I know that this ending is not possible for a tv-show for small girls and that the team DOES a great job).

      ReplyDelete
    110. I just don't get it.
      I don't think I interpreted Mare Do Well the same way as most people did.

      I didn't see the point as being to humiliate Dash and bring her down a notch.

      I saw the point as being to set an example for Dash as to how a hero should really act.

      Anonymous, selfless, focused, iconic.

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    111. @DPV111

      that's what i'm seeing after rewatching the episode. just be a hero and move on.

      ReplyDelete
    112. so now that I've completely rewatched episode 8, it stands a bit better in my eyes and reinforces some inconsistencies i see with the fic, like how only the mane 6 knew in the end. the pony that saw had no clue what was going on.

      also, Dash was far too forgiving with her friends to act like she did in the fic, though given how Somber set it up, she reacted reasonably given the constrictions of the fic.

      I applaud you for your effort, Somber. Final rating: 3.5/5. which is an EQD 4/5.

      ReplyDelete
    113. @wackypony

      That one pony saw the entire thing from beginning to end, and it's not that hard to figure out. And it's far more likely that there were witnesses in every window on that street who also watched the whole thing from beginning to end.

      Also, similar plots are done on other cartoons, but it's usually the hero(es) enemies setting out to show them up. Not their friends.

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    114. Really like the slow reveal to both the audience and to Twilight. Felt the stay-decision to be a bit contrived and rushed. "You have friends" isn't particularly convincing when they all betrayed you. That said, including this as headcanon makes 2x08 bearable.

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    115. @Graywand

      the one that dropped the pot? she was never seen after she said sorry.
      It's safe to assume that she didn't see the rest. also, you're assuming she cared enough to tell other ponies. some people don't tell everyone else everything they saw, ya know?

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    116. OOOOOHHHH that makes sense. this is why no Project horizon updates. Thats okay I have to read this since somber made it anyway.

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    117. @Graywand

      True, but it's equally possible they didn't show us because it wasn't necessary. That still doesn't leave out the possibility of other witnesses in those buildings.

      Both explanations are equally plausible.

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    118. With today's new Episode I'm beginning to believe that every single episode takes place in a completely different alternate Equestria.

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    119. Sorry I thought I'd responded to wackypony.

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    120. thank you somber! this is exactly how i felt about that episode that lesson was total bs and ive been taking crap from all my friends since im the only rd fan among them for how she was acting during the ep but ive kept defending her and this is exactly the reassurance i needed to know i wasnt the only one feeling that way

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    121. @wackypony


      Yes, but everyone wanted to know who Mare Do Well is. And she knows. If I were her I would tell everyone AND how I found out (including what happened with Rainbow Dash)

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    122. As I said, both explanations are just as plausible. Either the entire town knows now from the one or more witnesses. Or the entire town doesn't know, just the one pony.

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    123. Tries to make fail story less fail... but Gdocs is such a PAIN right now. Can't sleep till there's 20% less fail.

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    124. I think what it comes down to is that we're supposed to treat what is normally considered negative and treat it as a positive. Intervening to protect lives is an admirable goal, one they've all done more than once. Jumping straight to performing those actions in a masked superhero persona, created specifically for the purpose of teaching RD a lesson, any lesson, without even giving her the courtesy to even try to talk to her about it beforehand is not.

      Here we're expected to do a complete moral reversal and treat what on any other cartoon would've been considered a selfish and contemptible act, doing the right thing just to teach someone else a lesson, and act like it was a positive action teaching a positive message about humility.

      It's especially jarring because humility was only mentioned as the reason behind their actions at the end, with absolutely no lead up. Twilight doesn't even mention coming up with a plan at all. One moment Rainbow says something stupid about the whole autobiography, and the next "Mare Do Well" comes out of nowhere to do everything better than she does. It most certainly wasn't Williams' intention but it came off as an arbitrary counterattack on RD being rude to Twilight.

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    125. And we're expected to glean the whole humility thing from that one silly little boast to Twilight. We all thought when Mare Do Well showed up that a rival of Rainbow Dash was out to steal her thunder, but instead it was her friends, carrying out a poorly thought out and downright mean attempt to teach her humility and grace and expecting her to come to that conclusion on her own.

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    126. Okay... hopefully the ending is a little better. Sigh... sorry for giving you a lousy story. I'll try and make the next one better.

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    127. @Somber
      I thought it was absolutely beautiful. It deals with much of my own feelings about the episode, and provides a very nice, logical look into the behind-the-scenes, while not being heavily dependent on fan-inserted elements. It's only a small step to assume Dash would take the realization that her friends had been the ones to show her up quite harshly. I'm a very "Dash" person myself, and I know I'd take it... quite badly.

      Probably my favorite scene was Twilight's talk with Rarity. I think most of us can empathize with Rarity's message about that little voice that tells you to stop trying. I know I can especially, because I've let that voice get the better of me far too often than I'd like. A lot of what I like about the scene is that the entire speech fits Rarity so well, and it's so easy to imagine Rarity saying those things to a shaken, confused Twilight.

      Very amazing work, Somber.

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    128. @Somber

      The transition from wanting to bail to being willing to stay is a lot smoother now. It's a solid improvement that doesn't compromise your story, I'd say.

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    129. So no one thinks that its totally OOC for Twi that she would've stopped begin Pinkie's friend, if she had disagreed with the mare-do-well plan?

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    130. @Yonasomun

      No, I don't. Twilight does have a bit of a spiteful personality. I think that was Pinkie overreacting. Twilight would've been angry yes, but it wouldn't have been a permanent thing

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    131. @Somber

      Not having gotten to watch the episode yet, but having read the story before you made the change...your story was still far from lousy. The original ending was a bit ropey to be certain, but the entire story itself held up quite well. You did a fine job of gradually unfurling the consequences of Twilight's plan to the reader, even moreso considering that the parts with Rarity and Fluttershy are the kinds of things that can easily turn into a clunky info-dump. Yet the conversations came off naturally. This is a fine story.

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    132. @Graywand

      Ditto. Given that the only indications that Twilight would stop being Pinkie's friend come from...Pinkie who's claiming contradictory signals from her pinkie sense. I don't know how much that can be taken as a reliable indication of what would actually have happened, as much as Pinkie Pie being scared and confused.

      @Somber

      I also wanted to add a comment about what you said about Rainbow's family at the end...

      ...did Faust actually say that Dash was an only child? I got the impression that she had merely said that Dash and Scootalooo were not sisters and that Dash wouldn't make for a good big sister because she wouldn't treat younger siblings as well as they expected to be treated. (Now think about the story grist THAT provides.)

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    133. At this point, I'd like to point out again that the main problem with the episode was that they gave absolutely no lead up to the Mare Do Well plan? It came out of nowhere, made it seem like it was some arbitrary revenge for stupid comments made earlier, and that the "humility lesson" was an excuse.

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    134. I understand the "4 stars" rating. I don't approve but I understand. Some bronies hate to see their idols anything short of perfect. Twilight being outright wrong? Rainbow anything short of awesome, at all? Oh the outrage!

      But I'm all for deeper characters, and the show keeps hinting that what we see, the images of the ponies, are mere masks they wear for the public. That there's a hidden depth of character in each of them, secrets they keep hidden deep. Wounds of the past, inner terrors so deep they sometimes paralyze them. That the outer shell can be broken and we might not like the things we find beneath... and that only the true, genuine friendship can help them stop the monsters of the past.

      And here Somber masterfully explores the hidden demons that lurk behind Rainbow's fragile mask of brash hero. Pinkie's drama of her sense telling her how helpless she is. Rarity's vanity mask getting a thorough look from both sides...

      Excellent story. Bravely exposing true souls of the heroes. Some prefer to live the lie and see only the pleasant masks. For me this is the essence of what FiM really is.

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    135. I'm curious as to where Somber got that Mare Do Well was entirely Twilight's idea, because during the reveal in the episode, she never claims that. Unless, of course, he's just using that for his story, which I'm okay with.

      As for the additions to the story, it was a nice addition.

      Still, I think the episode's lesson should've contained a hint of forgive and forget, but eh.

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    136. @Yonasomun

      Uh, you're missing a VERY LARGE point of the story here. Twilight never said she would stop being Pinkie's friend. Pinkie said that. Now, I have my own issues about how Somber used Pinkie Sense in this story, but Pinkie is well known for completely overreacting. It isn't a question of whether or not it would be OOC for Twilight to leave Pinkie if she didn't go along with the plan, it's a question of whether it's OOC for Pinkie to believe that.

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    137. I think I'll try one more addition this afternoon of where Mare Do Well came from. As for why I think it was Twilight's idea, which of the mane friends would be most likely to read comic books before she became a magic otaku?

      Something else though... Twilight usually believes she's right, because she usually is. When have her friends ever really stood up to her and said 'No Twilight. You're wrong. You shouldn't do that.' In lesson zero it was applied after the fact. Accepting you're wrong is an important lesson, and one that I'm hoping is explored.

      Anyway, sorry again. I was hoping to have this be a good story. I hope I can make it better for you.

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    138. Sorry but “Pinkie is overreacting” don’t work for me. We saw in “Feeling Pinkie Keen” (and “The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well”) that the Pinkie senses is always right. Everything the Pinkie sense predicted happened.

      This wouldn’t be such a big issue if there were any hints in the story that Pinkie was wrong at least this one time. But there’s nothing. So I can only assume that it works like in the show and that means it never fails.

      I really got the impression that the author played down every bad thing Dash did and made Twi the only pony that’s too stupid to realize how bad the superhero idea was - and thus putting all the blame on her.

      Anyhow, I decided not to rate the story since I’m probably very biased toward it. Maybe I’ll read it again and try to be more open-minded.

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    139. Interesting story, Somber. At first, I was surprised that the citizens of Ponyville could hate on a pony so much (they generally don't seem to do that in canon), but it looks like you already anticipated that near the end ("But this is Ponyville. It's only a matter of time before something comes along and pretty soon everypony will be all 'Mare Do who?' and they'll be singing your praises again."). I agree with others that the Pinkie Sense does not make much sense (perhaps if you made it another "doozy", which even Pinkie doesn't understand and could possibly misinterpret?). But overall your story is very believable to me. Either way, I think it's pretty clear that the fanfic is primarily designed to illustrate a point (a point that perhaps is actually better presented as a fanfic) rather than being 100% show accurate.

      I admit that I basically dismissed the Mare-Do-Well episode as "because new writer". And the endless string of comments about the episode were and still are pretty much lost on me. But after reading your story, I think I'm beginning to understand why people have a problem with this episode. So, I can't speak for other people, but you've definitely given me something to think about. Thank you.

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    140. @Somber

      It is a good story. I just have a couple nitpicks about it.

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    141. I initially skipped over this story while skimming through the story posts because I didn't like the picture and the tags put me off (irrationality ftw!) but I later read in the PH comments that Somber had written a short story. Anyway, I went back to look for it and colour me surprised when it turned out to be this one!

      I have to say I'm glad I gave it a second chance because I too was unhappy with the Mare-Do-Well episode. This one-shot addressed the issues well.

      After reading through the comments the reoccurring theme seems to be that people feel that the cast was acting out of character. I can't say I agree.

      Someone said further up said that in the show we are shown the happy masks of the mane 6 but their actions and personalities hint at deeper, more troubled characters. This is a very good point, consider for a second the cast: Why does applejack obsess over money? Why is fluttershy so damn shy? Why does rarity act so regal when she quite obviously isn't? What's up with pinkie's dark side? Why is rainbow dash so unerringly confident? Why is twilight tutored by celestia and made to study so hard? (my personal theory on this is that she is so powerful for an ordinary unicorn that she is perceived as a potential threat. A freakish monster that needs to be caged and controlled. There is probably a story in there somewhere...).

      I'm drifting again... My point is, if you were to rigidly follow the main canon with no speculation whatsoever you would end up with a bland carbon copy of the show full of sunshine and rainbows where nothing interesting happened because you don't want to upset the canon. Nothing in this fic (at this time when I read it, I realise there has been some fiddling since it was posted) flies in the face of that canon, it interprets it in an interesting way. For example: the pinkie sense is not necessarily infallible, but it is as far as pinkie knows which is why she was worried.

      On the whole the fic is very well written barring one or two minor spelling errors and made a point I feel needed to be made. I realise that if you didn't have a problem (or had a different problem) with the mare-do-well episode this fic is going to annoy you. That is how fan fics are - Marmite. If you feel this fic was wrong, write one that reflects your view - Don't berate the author for not agreeing with you.

      For that guy that said "let me see you do better" is not an argument - Yes it is. It is the basis of argument. Make point, hear counter point, debate over which has more merit. That boils down to "lets see you do better" i.e - Don't like my view? Propose a better solution.

      That post kind of got away from me... Good fic somber. I enjoyed it.

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    142. @Curebores

      I think he was saying it isn't a rebuttal, not that it isn't an argument. <_<

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    143. @Curebores
      Twi Caged and Controlled? Nah. Celestia may be lonely, may go trollestia to break the dreary of her solitude, but she's not evil, and far more wise than trying to cage Twilight. Just opposite, let the threat control itself. The lessons in friendship are essential to Twilight keeping her powers contained, and using them for the good. Not caging her, but taming and teaching to be good. Not control Twilight's power, but assuring that Twilight's own control is for the good. Without friends Twi might go power mad and be a dire threat. With friends, Twi is a priceless asset.

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    144. @wackypony

      Yeah maybe. I have the bad habit of speed reading to get the gist of an argument before diving in. It's landed me in the shiz before. :p

      That said, the person being rebutted was being a little unfair and I WOULD like to see them do better. You can wail on an author all day, sometimes that is justified, but if you can't do any better yourself then ripping into someone who tried is wrong.

      I'm all for constructive criticism but if you just vent spleen for the sake of it then "I'd like to see you do better" is perfectly justified.

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    145. @RandomBlank

      Obviously, however a gilded cage is still a cage. It will never happen in the show but sometimes I hope for her to just one day go, you know what? FUCK IT.

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    146. @Cuebores

      Minor point: It's pretty clear that Applejack worries about money so much because she does not have very much of it and needs it for things like barn repair and keeping her old grandma in good health.

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    147. @gryffinp

      Yeah that is what I was meaning. It is never specifically mentioned that she isn't very well off but it is heavily hinted at. Thus showing that she needs to work her tail off to keep the farm running and provide for her family. That and the fact there doesn't seem to be a mother or father around contributes to the depth of her character past "I'm a farmer, ayep.".

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    148. Good fanfic! Fits really nicely as a follow-up to the episode, well done!

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    149. When she started to lose her fame she still thought she was awesome, she obviously didn't have that little voice in the back of her head saying she was weak and worthless. She got jealous and started trying even harder to do thing just to get recognised. Before that though she didn't seem to take rescuing ponies too seriously as she stood casually signing an autograph before finally launching into action, which would suggest she cared more about showing off than about saving ponies. Being a Hero is a great thing and I can understand her letting the fame go to her head but I still don't think Twilight and the others where in the wrong. I believe in humility when it comes to heroics, and I wouldn't neccisarily compare it to Rarity's Fashon career, or even Trixie's performance Career (I think Trixie bragged to help promote her shows and elicit an audiance.. And I don't think she was wrong for it either) but Dash already has a reputation as the fastest pegasus pony in ponyville and as the only pony to pull off the sonic rainboom in celestia knows how long and as the Element of loyalty why does she need to continue reminding ponies she saved someone she is not completely reliant on her reputation as a hero. Of course this is all just my opinion which is worth about as much as your willing to consider it.

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    150. @applernice

      I think you might have the wrong end of the stick. The fic isn't trying to say that rainbow dash wasn't in need of an ego check - she very much was. What is in contention is how her friends went about it. They publicly humiliated her and showed that despite all her achievements she was no one special. They didn't even try talking to her about it first, they just went straight for crushing her outright. Friends should not do that.

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    151. @Curebores

      Exactly. I know what Williams was trying to achieve with this episode. The classic, "hero is letting it get to her head and someone has to intervene story". Normally, though, the hero is initially confronted with the problem before this happens. That confrontation did not happen onscreen, and as a result it made the other's actions seem petty. That wasn't the writer's intention but it's what happened.

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    152. @Curebores I don't think they humilliated her, showed her up, sure, but humilliate, nah. she still had plenty self respect, "same sleak body, same amazing mane, I'm still awesome", said she. I don't think they were trying to crush her either I think they were trying to demonstrate that a hero should be modest. she was incapable of doing some of the rescuing anyways, if apple jack haddn't stopped that carrage those ponies could have died or Dash could have gotten hurt. She was begining to bite off more than she could chew but that didn't stop her from having been a hero. All they did was remove her from under the spot light and it was kinda for her own good. Should they have talked to her about it first, yes! But that would have made for a very short episode. Forgive me if I am still missing the point.

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    153. A well done counter-point to the episode. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

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    154. @applernice

      If you look up humiliate and "show up" in a thesaurus you will see they mean much the same thing in this context. synonyms include: tear down, mock, damn, discredit, ruin, dishonour, disgrace.

      Sure you can sit there and say she had it coming but put yourself in her place. You are a hero, not out for glory but simply because it's right. This earns you recognition and because you are who you are you lap it all up gladly. It goes to your head a little but you don't notice as you bask in the limelight. Your friends do though, but rather than simply pulling you aside and giving you a friendly talking to they say nothing and instead devise an elaborate plan to make you look like an incompetent idiot in front of everyone. In the eyes of the people you are now a fraud and a poser. To top it all off it was your very best friends that did it to you, without any warning. All in the name of "teaching you a lesson". Keep in mind that a rainbow dash who is not a public hero is just a lowly weather pegasus for some hick town who is a pretty fast flyer and has a bit more bravery than sense. She will not get into the Wonderbolts with that CV. She can rebuilt her smashed reputation given time but it is still a massive blow.

      Can you honestly say that if that happened to you, you would not be at the very least severely pissed off?

      It's like Graywand said there. I haven't really got an issue with what they did taken on its own - sometimes that is what it takes. It's that they didn't even bother to try the less harsh options first and instead immediately escalated to full blown public spectacle. That is what I find unacceptable.

      You can put a lot of it down to the writer being new but you don't get to stay hired for long at a high profile show like this by being crap as well as new. Hopefully they will sharpen up and take this as a harsh lesson in the pitfalls of rushed/lazy/badly thought out story writing.

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    155. @Curebores ha ha, you're not the only nor the first.
      Actually, I thought of it quite recently. Still, while Twi may go independent some day, she will not go rogue.

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    156. Have to respectfully disagree with the idea that Rainbow's friends set out to make her look bad/humiliate her.

      If you look carefully, you'll notice that they always give Rainbow first shot at the rescues and never, ever interact with her at all during their own rescue. You can even see it when Twilight ends up having to rescue Rainbow. The humiliating way to do it would be to just pull her out of the water by dangling her helplessly in mid-air. Instead Twilight just puts a fallen tree in her path and lets Dash pull herself out using her own strength.

      Don't get me wrong, I agree that the Mare Do Well plan was probably the wrong way to go about this whole thing, but making Rainbow look bad doesn't seem to be an intrinsic part of the plan at all.

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    157. @septimusmagistos

      You are entitled to your opinion, of course.

      However, can you not agree that an intrinsic part of "taking someone down a peg" is making them look bad? Yeah they let her try first but only so that mare-do-well can then show her up and look better than dash in every way. Even the fact she had to be rescued from the dam at all is pretty humiliating (which, by the way, shouldn't give at the slightest touch considering the weight of water it has to hold back. not without some magical help... Twilight... In fact, a lot of the "accidents" have a whiff of being set up about them. No evidence of course but it would explain a lot.).

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    158. @Curebores

      Originally I was of the same mind, but after remembering the moral of "Party Of One" (always assume the best of your friends, never the worst), I've switched to a different interpretation.

      I now honestly believe that their plan wasn't 'outshine and embarrass Rainbow Dash by being better than her at everything'. I think it was 'show up as a heroic persona that doesn't let compliments go to her head and hope that Dash takes the hint.' While this plan shows a profound misunderstanding of how Rainbow Dash thinks, it seems a lot more in line with what they would actually do.

      But either way, you have to admit it's really not their fault that Rainbow Dash was being ineffective. If anything, they were probably sincerely hoping that she'd get her act together and actually focus.

      I realize I'm giving them the benefit of doubt here, but I find that doing that has made this episode go from infuriating to fully palatable.

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    159. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    160. @septimusmagistos

      Yes, dash was dropping the ball in a big way. Why not just turn up as her friend though and say to her directly "focus dash, you almost lost it there..." why dress up? and yes you should always assume the best of your friends. That doesn't mean though that they aren't being hurtfully misguided.

      It seems to me that the episode was more an excuse for batman than trying to show any real moral lesson.

      As far as the episode being palatable though I guess we just have different methods. You have giving them the benefit of the doubt - I have this fic. Swings and roundabouts. In the end the episode itself should have been better executed so as not to have this problem.

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    161. @Curebores on second thought, you're right, they were indirectly responsible for her humilliation because of her fame and its not to great a leap to assume everybody might start slandering her. I understand

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    162. @Curebores

      Well, as much of a Rainbow Dash fan as I myself am, I have to admit that talking to her when she was in that state was entirely unlikely to have worked. And the failed talking scene, while giving them more moral high ground, would have cost us some of the other scenes.

      But I'm in total agreement about the episode in general. This thing is like two completely different episodes.

      In one Rainbow's friends have a major overreaction to being annoyed by her behavior and act in ethically questionable ways throughout.

      In the other they try to help her with a legitimate problem (One that was probably going to cause some trouble one way or the other) and even though they misjudge their friend's likely reactions (not a new problem for them all told) they don't go out of their way to make her look band and she ends up reacting warmly to their efforts anyway because she gets what they were trying for.

      Just because I managed to make myself see the second one does not give the writers an excuse for allowing the first one to even be conceived of.

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    163. @septimusmagistos

      That's pretty much it exactly. The writer (who to be fair was new) focussed too much on "who's that mystery mare!?" and not enough on actually making it work as an episode.

      ironically the real moral lesson here is not aimed at rainbow dash - It is aimed at the writers who learned that if you are going to get on your high horse, you need to have the moral ground to stand on first.

      (Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.) :P

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    164. @Somber You're the author? Thanks, I quite enjoyed this story.

      There seemed to be a 'Cloudsdale' in a paragraph where 'Ponyville' might have made more sense. It was the one describing Rainbow Dash's house.

      As others have said, I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt this way about the MMDW episode. The visuals were great, and it was funny, but there was the same subtext as 'The Incredibles'. That it's bad to be great, and if you are and the slightest bit proud of it, you're a nail sticking up that needs to be hammered down. Yes, RBD takes her flaws to the max, but the 'can't let anyone be special' message is so persuasive.

      I liked Rarity's comment about the little pony of doubt. It is pretty hard to kill.

      I also thought that Dash was better than Twilight in an important aspect, she never attempted to cause a problem to have one to solve, the way Twi did in Lesson Zero.

      Overall, I'd also have to agree that Dash's turnaround decision to stay seemed a little unlikely, once she described how badly she was hurt. The reveal of her background through various characters was great. I also liked 'Twi' not getting it because she's such a bookworm.

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    165. I agree with you that the episode was a bit mean spirited. I also believe that Gilda is getting a bad rap too. Yes she was mean to Fluttershy but maybe Fluttershys meekness just pissed Gilda off. The pranks they where playing on her caused her a lot of pain. That she held her temper for so long must have been hard. I would have busted Pinkie right in the nose just for the hand buzzer.

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    166. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    167. The Reason RD is my favorite character is becasue I can sympathise with her the most. She feels flawed in a way that makes her believable to the average person; we all know (or happen to be) a person who stands out and is acceptional at what they do, someone who lives for the praise of others, who loves to be be loved. Sometimes it's because without that praise we feel worthless, like we're not worth the meat we're made from. That's the way I've always felt. This story perfectly captures the way someone who loses their driving force thinks and feels. I loved every second of it, and can't wait to read more of your work.

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    168. I saw the episode again after reading this And I can help but think Rainbow dash would have ruined her own reputation If her friends hadn't beaten her to it. Without Mare-do-well showing her up she would have gotten stuck in the falling hot air balloon, would have only saved one worker leaving the rest buried in debris, and wouldn't have been able to stop the ponies in the bus from falling to their death.

      Chances are the majority of her fans would be bad mouthing her after the second failure. Hell, even if her friends weren't dressed like batman they still would have made her feel usless after having to show her up so many times.

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    169. Not sure if Somber is even reading this comment, but well:

      It was a good story, but it felt like a story meant for OCs.
      Each time we got to a new one of the Mane 6, i couldn´t stop thinking:
      "That´s not the Applejack i know from the show."
      "That´s not the Fluttershy i know from the show."
      "That´s not the Rarity i know from the show."
      "That´s not the Pinkie Pie i know from the show."
      Same for RD and Twi´s characterizations.

      Then there were the Ponyvile ponies who acted worse than Canterlot snobs.
      Or a looooooooooooooooooong rant that ended with one sentence and everything is fine just like?

      I dunno why, but i got the feeling during reading your fic that you made the same fault as that new MLP author from that not-so-great (actually quite bad) eight episode:
      You concentrated so much on proving that RD was in the right, that everything else looked out-of-plan.
      Especially the part where we read that RD said her fame and the worshipping from the Ponyville ponies were much more important to her than her friends or saving people.
      I know, that´s not what you wanted to convey, but that´s what i got reading that part.
      Seriously, i was gaping wide thinking who´s this author that makes my loyal and brave RD who has some flaws into a attention-hugging whore?

      It was like episode 8 again. -_-

      But again, it is a good story, well written, etc. But the characters and the whole setting just feels so... forced and not in their characters.
      I mean, Pinkie PIe of all people? THAT´s was what her sense told her? And then everyones puts the blame on Twi aka doing the same they had done to RD, now to Twi to wash their hooves in innocence? And Twi puts HER LIBRARY at risk, something she didn´t even dared to do in Lesson Zero?
      Jesus, so glad you didn´t made RD commit suicide, i would have smashed my monitor in rage.
      Again, all episode 8 over... -_-

      So in total, after some thinking, i would give this a 2.7, a round-up 3.
      Fun fact, episode 8 also got around/below a 3 out of 5 in my book. It was a good episode, just awful in the development.

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    170. I really liked this story! :D A lot! I didn't care much for the episode itself (apart from some character development for Rainbow) but now I don't think I'm really behind the episode at all because you brought up some excellent points in this! A lot of it really touched me as an artist with really low self esteem ^^;

      I would just suggest doing some proof reading to clear up some grammar mistakes and such, btu I'm not a grammar nazi so it didn't ruin the story for me.

      I also loved reading about the mane six (minus Rainbow and Twilight) doing their everyday, normal things when they're not having adventures. it makes it more believable and relateble :D

      Anyway, really liked this! Rainbow Dash is my favourite pony but sometimes I find it a little hard to understand her personality outside of her flying and prankster. So fics like this are great to help me get under the character's skin :D

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    171. Why the hell is this Star-4?!?! It should be Star-5, at LEAST!

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    172. @septimusmagistos
      that's just it. they didn't PLAN on it--- but it still happened.

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    173. I loved this story and it's a great way to properly show sympathy to cahracters, plus it brings up the whole messed up way that episode played out.

      I know you were trying to keep this in context of the show but I think it would have been better if you'd had Rainbow Dash leave at the end, instead of the show-canon happy ending.

      Just my opinion.

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    174. @wackypony


      It isn't that she likes popularity over friendship, it's that the whole town has turned on her, and is making fun of her, she is being bullied, and her friends are the ones who started it all. Loyalty is a two way street, and Rainbow doesnt feel she is getting her end of the bargain.

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    175. @Somber

      In all honesty, leaving Twilight nowhere to go would have been a more satifying ending IMO

      The happy ending felt forced and in all honesty I think I understand now why some stories need to have bad/sad endings. Having Rainbow Dash decide to stay at the end was abrupt and felt forced and while it's "happy" it removed the impact of the events and made things just seem... wrong.

      I'm reminded of something I once heard, a movie had a deep, sad, contemplative ending that was changed because the people at the first screenings thought it was "too sad" so a new, crappy, forced happy ending was shot taht killed the message of the movie but when the movie came out on DVD and the original ending was seen people said that the movie would have been better had they kept the sad ending.

      Leaving Twilight nowhere to go with RD leaving would make sense, I've had things happen to me because of stupid stuff I've done and no way to fix it, leaving me no way to return to the status quo and just having to live with the consequences of my bad decision, that's life, there's no reset button, no save loading, no real way to undo mistakes you've made, there's consequences and how we have to deal with them.

      I honestly would have preferred the ending to have Rainbow Dash push Twilight away and tell her that her mind's made up, then leave, forcing Twilight to tell her friends "we pushed her away" and leaving the readers with something to think about.

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    176. i want a sequel to this it didnt give enough Clousure

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