• Story: I Wont See You Tonight (Update Complete!)

    [Sad]

    Author: CoffeeGrunt
    Description: Life is hard for an orphan roaming the streets of lower Canterlot. However, Trixie has an inspiring angel to join her in her climb to stardom. Unfortunately, both sisters soon find that the rise to stardom is filled with hate.
    I Wont See You Tonight

    Additional Tags: Trixie, Twilight, Cassandra, Promise, Redemption.

    Side Stories after the break! 



    [Sad] Story #2! 

    Description: After years of performing in her sister's name, Trixie's spiralling career finally crashes to the ground. Can she relieve herself of the shadows chasing her past and finally gain closure from her loss?
    Trashed and Scattered

    Additional Tags: OC Ponies, Trixie after Boast Busters

    [Sad] Story #3 (New!)
    Description: Trixie confronts Inmate 402 about her past, and ultimately regrets what she uncovers
    Unbound


    Additional Tags: Prison break alicorn band FREEDOM!Incomplet, Trixie, Inmate 402, Marshal

    [Sad][Shipping] Story 4

    Author: CoffeeGrunt
    Description: Trixie returns to Ponyville to face her past and start anew. However she finds more than she anticipates in the rural village, and not all of it is bad.
    A Little Piece of Heaven

    Additional Tags: Pinkie Pie, Trixie, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Fluttershy, Rarity, Applejack, Cassandra Trinkie Pie redemption new start

    60 comments:

    1. Needs much more Trixie.

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    2. It's a story about Trixe, from beginning to end. How mych more Trixie could you want?

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    3. I really enjoyed it, thanks for sharing! Although the labels confused me a bit since there was no TS in it... but that has nothing to do with the quality of your work, which was very nice!

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    4. Yeh the original had Twilight in it. I was half-asleep while posting it to Sethisto, so I musta forgot that I removed her.

      And I ran out of Trixie dust, I think I need about 20% more to make this an entirely Trixie fanfic.

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    5. enjoyed it, makes me wonder how twilight could fit in,

      maybe

      watch Trixie preform
      meet her back stage thanks to her status
      forget about her
      meet her later in ponyville
      ?????
      profit

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    6. Twilight is now in the doc. Enjoy.

      Also 4.5/5 for my first fanfic? Is it socially acceptable to fist-pump at the moment? Actually what am I talking about, I watch My Little Pony, social acceptibility doesn't exist anymore!

      ...

      *Fist-pump.*

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    7. you sir skipped all steps and directly went to PROFIT!!!


      congratulation :P

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    8. Is this a Avenged Sevenfold ref? It's probably not but that would would make this story 20% cooler. Part 2 of that song is insane by the way.

      This is a great and powerful story. Good job, kind sir.

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    9. If Lauren follows Equestria Daily, I think she would be immensely pleased with this story. I know I was.

      This is an exceptionally talented community we have here... I'm a pretty experienced writer, and I've been considering writing a MLP fanfic, but I'm beginning to have second thoughts! I don't know if I can stand up to stuff like this!

      5/5 from me!

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    10. Nice story. Apparently there was an A7X reference; didn't catch it. Oh well...

      5/5

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    11. This was really well done, I enjoyed it a lot. Almost brought tears to my eyes. I can't blame the pony that shot Cassandra nor can I blame Trixie for wanting vengeance so bad.

      I almost wish this was canon.

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    12. By the way, it gave me goosebumps multiple times.

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    13. Stunning show, simply amazing, and full of emotion.

      Twilight really IS best pony.

      Oh, and that bit with Trixie was kinda cool too...

      *brick'd*

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    14. ;_; Bravo! Hell, even more so, Bravisimo!

      That was such an amazing back story it brought me to tears.. Well done Coffee, I'm eager to see more of your work!

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    15. Yes the title is an A7X reference. Because A, they're awesome, and B, it fitted pretty well IMO.

      I'm glad everyone enjoyed it, to be honest, it was about two weeks of writing and bothering Sethisto to get his pre-readers to proof it for me.

      As far as a sequel? Or more work, I have ideas for what I could do/how it would play out. My current idea takes place after Boast Busters, and involves adoption. I'll have to see how it plays out when I write it though.

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    16. This didn't do that much for me until about the halfway point of the story, when I started applying what happened here to what I knew would end up happening in Boast Busters.

      And then oh my god why is this so sad.

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    17. 3/5. Well written. but the tragedy out of nowhere didn't really do much for me. Trixie didn't change at all because of it, just kept doing what she was doing.

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    18. I thought this was well written and very in character for Trixie.

      Living in lower Canterlot, losing her family and growing up among con artists and thieves. It fits my interpretation as well as a large portion of her existing fanon.

      One thing that would be worth explaining though is how she could go from performing in theaters to roaming the countryside alone with her magic act. In Boast Busters it seemed like she had a lot left to prove, to others and to herself, which is not something you'd expect from someone who has performed on stage before.

      Maybe her sudden disappearance during her debut ruined her reputation with the Canterlot theaters and forced her to go abroad? Would be worth explaining in an eventual sequel.

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    19. I'm planning on expanding on the death spiral of Trixie's career in the sequel. It'll happen after Boast Busters, but deal with the time in between as well. She tries to work out at what point along the road she became so resentful, so starts to retrace her past. Also aiming for a relatively happier ending this time round.

      Hopefully I can keep up the standard this time. Genuinely was expecting a 3/5 for this.

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    20. Also she never actually got to perform on stage, per se. She was always backstage when she performed with Cassandra, doing the effects.

      Her first show just for herself, was the one interrupted by the...ending. (Spoiler evasion.)

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    21. Thank you for giving Trixie sucha great backstory. I'll be eagerly anticipating that sequel!

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    22. Thanks. I've finished planning out Trashed and Scattered, the sequel. Been an issue finding time between moving house and all. These netbooks sure are handy in situations like that.

      I'm aiming to have finished writing it mid-next week. And hopefully it'll get approved by the end of said week too. It's going to involve alot more OC pony though.

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    23. @CoffeeGrunt
      So it is a AX7 ref? NICE! I am totally going to reread this listening to "I Won't See You Tonight (Part 1)" and "I Won't See You Tonight (Part 2)"[my favorite ax7 song] on repeat! And also "Trashed and Scattered" is another ax7 ref right? Dear God, I bet it's going to be amazing! Ponies are "A Little Piece of Heaven" for me on earth and idk why.

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    24. Thanks for all the critical acclaim, sadly I have decided to turn the other way in terms of releases. Considering the darkness surrounding my character for Trixie....enough seeding titles into sentences, I can't work with the rest.

      Sethisto is hopefully going to update this soon with a new, (relevant), image I had comissioned, and the first chapter of Trashed and Scattered. "You rock, woohoo."

      Trashed and Scattered will be episodic as opposed to me lumping out a fanfic this size every blue moon.

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    25. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    26. NO!
      Depressing Trixie fanfic is just not allowed!

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    27. Oh god it was even sadder than the first chapter. How is that possible?

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    28. Oh, God. Another story.

      I don't wanna read it. But...

      I must! I MUSSSSSSTTTT!

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    29. Oh hey! My drawing is attached to it now. Nifty!

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    30. It turned out better than expected. :)

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    31. Trixie best Ixie! After the second chapter I'd rate the story at 4,5, but since it's impossible, there goes 5 stars:)
      I must point out that the prison scenes strike me as very non-pony. Well, do did Cassandras death. It just doesn't fit too well into the setting we know from the series. But in the end - I guess it would be quite hard to write a sad/dark fic in a world where everyone is happy and everything ends well.

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    32. Wow, suddenly I realized that now I am not only just reading fics now and then, but also actually following a few. Man, that stuff is addictive:D

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    33. Wow, Cassandra looks really good in that picture. I like that she's all sad and serious looking even as filly Trixie tries to tackle-hug her. Fits well with her self-deprecating character.

      Chapter 2 was a nice bit of introspection. Definitely goes a long way to explaining why Trix feels more comfortable being heckled than admired. Maybe some shipping would cheer her up.

      Not sure how adorable psychopath Inmate 402 is going to be relevant to the story from inside a penitentiary, but I guess we'll see in chapter 3.

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    34. do Beast and the Harlot next

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    35. It was sadder? Damn, I was trying to lighten the mood. Definitely shouldn't help Pinkie throw any parties.

      @Eddie

      How could I not? Honestly, you nailed it first time. I'm still trying to source a printing shop for the damned poster. XD

      @Stephen

      Shipping? Yes...there might be shipping. There will also be a happy ending, but a sombre one. And Trixie hooks up with the pony you least expect.

      Also I'm aiming to make 402 a bit of a bigger character in follow-ups. Let's just say she's smarter than she looks.

      @Lindil

      That's the pity. I tried to keep it as true to the show as I could, but I wanted to have an undercurrent, like there's stuff you don't see in the show.

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    36. @CoffeeGrunt Character you least expect?

      Would that be Trixie x 402?

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    37. Congratulations, Coffee.
      You made me feel bad for Trixie.
      And cry.
      A lot.

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    38. @Da Herp

      Oh hell no. I'd have to be a much better writer than I currently am to get Trixie to fall for her sister's killer. Love-hate or no.

      @Anon

      What I am aimed for.

      Chapter 3, Unbound, is in progress. Aiming for it to be up by the end of next week.

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    39. Trashed and Scattered sont make feel so bad as "i wont see you tonight" did, but it's really good.

      Waiting to see Trixie in appaloosa \o/

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    40. By ending it happily I hope you mean shes going to get with Twilight and be happy together, because thats what she needs, someone with her who loves her for who she is and helps her move on from her past.

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    41. Chapter 3 was alright... I like how Velvet Storm was written and also how she and Cass are in grey areas in terms of morality. Cass probably didn't mean to hurt Velvet and no doubt felt bad about it afterwards, but she had to do it for Trix's sake.

      Trixie's drunken musings however, take her in a completely different direction from how she's portrayed in the show (and nicely referenced a certain comic with a certain griffon). While I like seeing an alternative take on Trix, where she isn't blinded by pride, I'm not a hundred percent sure about this interpretation. Guess we'll see how she turns out in the next chapter.

      One thing that really struck me as odd were the alicorn bands. I mean, those things are so stupidly useful for breaking out of prison, I'm not sure anyone would actually pass them out to prisoners. I also know certain individuals (myself included) who wouldn't mind 100 years of invulnerability. Canterlot University students in particular would probably be happy to take on one of the prisoners' burden of being able to stay up forever.

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    42. @Valmir

      There's a ship, but it's not Twixie. There's another pony I feel is much more suiting to the character.

      @Stephen

      Sadly this chapter is a "Bridging the gap" type thing. It needed to get Trixie to move towards the next one, which is gunna take me a week of straight writing at this rate.

      The alicorn bands have a built-in failsafe. For a pony trapped in a room with nothing but four walls and their memories, it'd be tantamount to torture. But it knocks the user unconscious the moment they escape the perimeter.

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    43. @CoffeeGrunt

      Sure, though I imagine tranquilizer darts are more effective on escaping prisoners if you don't give them a magical artifact which keeps them awake.

      Also, wouldn't a 'suspended vitality' band be in high demand outside of prisons. Just, y'know, for the immortality? Seems like a waste, giving them to prisoners. Heck, Cassandra sure would have benefitted from one.

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    44. They're rare and only given to certain criminals, (I didn't want to go in at length explaining it at that time, but the band is actually cast by Celestia herself as punishment, as she supposedly knows the pain extende life causes.)

      Bear in mind it doesn't keep you young, and if you contract a deadly disease, you simply exist through it.

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    45. Haha! Is the Last story going to be "The Wicked End", "And All Things Will End", or "Dear God"? LOL. You seem to like Avenged Sevenfold just a tiny bit. Great stories, brah!

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    46. Great fic.

      You made me sad with The story of Matrix ;_;, Thanks

      want read the next one

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    47. A few disturbingly similar scenes to Of Mares and Magic... Pinkie letting her sleep over, Rarity showing up with Trix's busted up hat and cape, Rainbow Dash being a douche... I know the chapter opening is meant to let Trix feel a little happiness for once, but I thought it was kind of weak.

      On the other hand, I really liked the afterlife scenes. Placing fear and abandonment issues at the core of Pinkie's personality was spot on. Wasn't Pinkie in there to talk to he sister though, and not Granny Pie?

      Velvet Storm is 'somewhere else'? Let's see her befriend Matrix Flare, gogo

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    48. Why does everyone have Pinkie istantly deduce another ponies personality?

      She actually BAD at reading ponies. She didn't notice anything off about AJ when the latter was ready to keel over from overworking herself, she kept bugging Twilight when her advice was clearly wrong, and she jumped to conclusions when her best friends were preparing a surprise party.

      Heck, she didn't realise Gilda was bad until the griffin PHYSICALLY ASSAULTED HER. And remember Appaloosa? That could have been avoided had Pinkie not ignored how little the buffalo liked her song.

      In short, Pinkie isn't the one you go to when you want to know how somepony is. She's BAD at that.

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    49. @Anonymous

      I don't think she read Trixie's personality so much as assumed the best of her. She does the same with Gilda.

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    50. @Stephen Cawking

      And this time it worked out in her favor. I really have the view that Pinkie intentionally assumes the best of ponies she doesn't know.

      It works nicely when you figure her having abandonment issues. She just really, really wants to be liked.

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    51. @Stephen Cawking

      Hmm. Not only in that story. But come on, that makes sense. We know from the episode she left her stuff behind. Rarity is the pony to take care of her hat and cape. Pinkie is the pony to want to help out a new pony without questioning. Its just common sense, especially in Rarity's case.

      Anyway Coffee, you know my opinion and I'm glad its shared with most other bronies it seems. You may want to ask Seth to add a Complete tag though ^^ Unless you have follow up stories or something that you don't want a separate thread for.

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    52. In honesty it was the first chapter I had genuine fun writing. The first one was enjoyable in an odd way because it was my first fic.

      Ultimately The outfit meant alot to her, and when it's salvaged, who else but Ponyville's resident fashionista is going to want to keep a cloak and an old hat?

      Dash isn't the most "getalongingest" pony. It felt more natural for her to have attrition and overcome it for Pinkie's sake, than just accept her straight off.

      Considering the several hundred balls I had to juggle considering loose ends, inter-character interaction, plotholes, dialogue, events and the like, I'm fairly chuffed.

      Remember, I put this up expecting 3 stars. ;)

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    53. *Photo finish voice*
      Vat...Just happened?

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    54. In all honesty, I think the fourth story just took things out of context. You really had something great up until that point. I think you might have rushed getting it out. Maybe you should come back to it and work out the ending a bit. Even though I am critiquing this, don't stop writing. You really do have a knack for it. ;P

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    55. Yeh to be honest, I just wanted to get it wrapped up in a happy way.

      I haven't stopped writing, my new fic series "Of Gods and Demons" just received it's third chapter, and many more are planned.

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    56. This was just...beautiful and probably the best example of Trinkie Pie!

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