Author: RadioTowerBlitz
Description: Give a journal at an early age, our protagonists writes about his life as a Pegasus with broken wings.Selected Installments of a Journal
Additional Tags: Coming-of-age, perseverance, dreams, original, flying
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24 comments:
Your semi-cliffhanger reminded me of a thread of a ultralight in low orbit that crashes down to Earth.
Very nice, really liked the ending, but the author note in the middle kind of disrupted things. I almost didn't read the ending because it made me think there wasn't anymore.
Considering moving comment to the very end.
Aww, that was a great story! Bonus points for having a pony astronaut (don't see many of those).
Very nice. I just can't get enough fics about ponies overcoming the odds.
that was very touching story.
That was brilliant. Very touching and very, very memorable.
Wonderful tale... would love to know more about the cutie mark!!
Five Stars!
What. A Derpy story where she has a kid and it isn't Dinky? Ya could of just wrote that she had taken after her grandfather or there was an odd birth defect that made her a unicorn. Regardless, very nice story.
Just the final sentence was enoguh to reach me, I really loved that story
They were a guy??????? :O
Very good. I thought it was going to be terrible, at the beginning, but you showed your chars. growing up very well. 5 stars
Writing was very childish at first and got better as he grew older, well done. I also loved the reference to 'High Flight' you added at the end. No mention of Dinky but that's forgivable... 5 stars.
Your cliffhanger made me think of the David Bowie song "Space Oddity."
I liked it. Over all it worked well, and I found the story telling method to be quite charming, one I think I've only seen in one other story.
But... I've got some quibbles. Two small ones, one big one.
Let's get the minor ones out of the way... Not mention of lighter-than-air craft? There's Twilight's Balloon, and clouds themselves for that matter! Buoyancy is a major aspect of the study of air, and well worth a mention in the entry dated 6/20/1008
Second minor thing: While something like High Flight was an appropriate addition, it doesn't really work with such an accessible diety as Celestia. Touching HER face is hardly a challenge, where with the Judeo-Christian is SPECIFICALLY without a face.
Okay, that's two different kinds of nerdy nitpicking out of the way, onto the big one, The First Ending. I can see why some of your friends might tell you it seemed sad, as the way it was worded lead me to the thought that Lowe Orbit wasn't going to try to return to ground again. There are a bunch of ways you could adjust this to leave a more specific impression of his taking a specific action, OR if you want the open ending to be uncertain you could simply detail what is making it uncertain. Is it a question of if he will return? Or if he can return?
The question of how the relationship is resolved could be part of this. Is Derpy why he is going back? Or is it some other reason?
I wouldn't have posted this comment if you hadn't mentioned that you weren't satisfied with the ending.
Brilliant story, but I had one minor problem.
"What better than the shape of a giant needle to pierce through the sky with." Everyone know that you need to use a drill to piece the heavens. /terrible joke
Lovely!
Needs a bit of polishing punctuation-wise, but it's a nice take.
I believe the run on sentences and bad punctuation were done on purpose...
LOVED IT.
D'awwwww....
AWESOME story. Brought a tear to my eye! I thought you did a great job giving it a realistic journal feel to it too!
I loved it...
Wow. I love how this was done and how it tugged at my heart strings. I shed a tear at the end. Bravo. I have thought about it again and again and I think it's time. My pen will be the pen that will pierce the heavens! Keep an eye out for me!
-TheGentlemanCreeper
Epic. Fucking. Win.
Win. No mention of Dinky, and I really would like your interpretation of Derpy's cutie mark story, but otherwise Win.
... Congrats. You made Trevor /manlytears. jpg
Trevor's stars. All of them.
~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
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