• Story: The Immortal Game (Update Complete!)


    [Adventure][Grimdark] After over a year it's finally complete! Imagine that. 

    Author: AestheticB
    Description: Long ago, in the magical land of Equestria, there lived a powerful King and his dark Queen. Immortal and ignorant, their end came at the hooves of their daughters, Celestia and Luna, who sought to build a better future for ponykind.

    Now ponykind’s old gods have returned.

    Twilight Sparkle is trapped inside her own mind, slave to a cruel and impulsive consciousness built from everything she is not. Powerless and voiceless, she must find a way to stop the being that calls itself Nihilus from destroying everything she holds dear.

    Luna is tasked with assembling the remaining Elements of Harmony in hopes of freeing their leader. For if ponykind is to have any hope, it is in Twilight Sparkle. And if Twilight Sparkle is to have any hope, it is in her five friends.

    Facing her father in mortal combat, Celestia must do everything she can to ensure that ponykind has the tools to survive before she falls. With inevitable defeat bearing down upon her, she makes the first move in the oldest and deadliest game known to creation.
    All links after the break!




    Ponies make War Part 1
    Ponies make War Part 2
    Ponies make War Part 3
    Ponies make War Part 4
    Ponies make War Part 5
    Ponies make War Part 6
    Ponies make War Part 7
    Ponies make War Part 8
    Ponies make War Part 9
    Ponies make War Part 10
    Ponies make War Part 11
    Ponies make War Part 12
    Ponies make War Part 13
    Ponies make War Part 14
    Ponies make War Part 15
    Ponies make War Part 16
    Ponies make War Part 17
    Ponies make War Part 18
    Ponies make War Part 19
    Ponies make War Part 20
    Ponies make War Part 21
    Ponies make War Part 22
    Ponies make War Part 23
    Ponies make War Part 24 (New!)

    Ponies Make War Alternate

    Additional Tags: Action, Long, War, History, Horror

    314 comments:

    1. Ponies make War? I Wonder what this one is going to be about...

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    2. Another evil Twilight fic, might give it a read but I doubt it will top the General Eclipse (forgotten what it's called) one that was on here the other day.

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    3. I know the pre-readers hate grimdark because they told me it's out-of-character. (And it is.) So that's why I just post mine in FimFiction

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    4. Also, why doesn't the comment box work on the pages? It only seems to work when I reply to someone else's comment.

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    5. I personally enjoy Grimdark fics. If you are looking for a pre-reader for that sort of stuff I'd gladly do it.

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      Replies
      1. I completely agree with you. I would love to preread the stories. I'm also writing one that needs pre readers

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    6. @EvinaThey may hate it as a general idea, but they do seem to post quite a few of them, so it's probably like the show itself: If it's good, it transcends genre.

      So just make it good. ;-)

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    7. I'm not a fan of evil Twilight fics. Unless this one has a good progression towards her becoming evil, I'm not gonna read it.

      Also CURSE YOU GRIMDARK AND SAD. Smashing the innocence of our ponies.

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    8. Grim doesn't have to be dark. I'm in the process of trying to invent 'grimlight'. Would that help?

      It sounds like a joke but actually it's not. I've been drawn to grim and heavy angles on things for the sake of drama, but testing ponies to destruction does NOT mean they have to fail, and it especially does not mean they have to lose heart, or even too much of their innocence and charm.

      To my perhaps unclever-pony mind, high drama is way better if I can still love the characters like the 'real' ones, and that is where grimdark loses me. It's just a cop-out to avoid the really hard questions of where you draw faith and strength when faced with despair and tragedy.

      I suspect the better grimdark knows this and continually falls back on the heartwarming moments and little personal victories, even when tempted to run with EVERYTHING RUINED FOREVER for the sake of milking more drama :)

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    9. Just finished part one. Very good story, and being an action kid of pony I like the fighting. I also really like what you did with Celestia.

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    10. @Throttlesky

      that is her fighting style...not that...

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    11. Read both chapters, gotta say I'm liking it so far Im guessing you've taken inspiration from the discorded elements for the idea of the Anti-Twilight.
      Titan and Terra seem like an awesome pair of OC villians, im interested to know about there history with the Alicorn princesses.
      I did chuckle a bit at the mention of the ANti-Twilights name aswell, seems we have a KOTOR fan amongst us ;).
      All in all was a good read, I can now look forward to a new FiM episode on Saturday as well as the continuation of a decent grimdark fic. Keep it up!

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    12. @Evina
      Just keep hitting submit, always works on the third time for me.

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    13. I'll give this one a shot, mostly because anything that involves long strategy gets my blood pumping, ponies or otherwise. Still, giving Nega-light mind magic seems like giving the kid access to the candy store. Of Doom.

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    14. I was going to read it but I hate see twilight as evil it just doesn't work for me.

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    15. @Applejinx

      @Applejinx

      I completely agree with you on all your points. It's the little moments, the touches of light and happiness and warmth, that make grim fics worthwhile. I also am trying to create a "grimlight" genre with my story trilogy. I seek to get across that no matter how bad things get (and trust me, things are going to be getting bad in my Equestrian Knights story), there's always hope if you just stay true to who you are.

      Maybe you'd like to give my stories a try?

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    16. XD yeah kinda noticed that too there are of grimdark around XD

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    17. A good grimdark maintains the characters whilst putting them in grimdark situations. Let's see if this one does that.

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    18. This story's quality stuff. I recommend it.

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    19. Well if pre readers dislike grimdark then the stuff that gets through cant suck too bad.

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    20. I usually find that Grimdark shipping or sad are far better with other tags attached like adventure or crossover. Those are the ones I tend to give more of a chance since they tend to be an adventure with grindark elements rather than grimdark for it's own sake.

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    21. I felt like I was getting a Marvel Comics "House of M" vibe from this fic's description.

      Not the case.

      I LOVED the opening...at first...because I assumed it was starting with Tia & Luna already tyrants, but relaxing casually and basking in Win. Sort of like how The Godfather begins with a wedding. Then the OC alicorns showed up.....and I was like, "Oh...meh".

      @Jett Midknight

      Seconded. I'd love to be a Grimdark pre-reader.

      @Tyranoman

      "Dusk and Dawn". Great one-shot. Yea, that'll be hard to top. But I'm always up for watching Twilight's impressionable, deferent-to-authority, eager-to-please-the-ruling-autocrat ass get her Vader on.

      And Darth Nihilus is one of the greatest Star Wars EU villains EVAR. KOTOR, BioWare, FTW.

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    22. pretty good quality, and evil twilight fics are quite awesome. kind of unfortunate timing that this story came out the same time as the previously mentioned General Eclipse fic. I think i like that one a little more but this is still good. There's definitely enough differences to keep the two seperate, which is good.

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    23. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    24. Wait
      So did rainbow won and went insane or what?

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    25. I could always read some grim/dark. I don't guarantee I'll read a lot, as I do have nightly duties to attend to, but dark and scary (or such) stories are always best when read in the night.

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    26. So far I am thoroughly enjoying this story. The OC villains have very ominous names. Having a set date for the next chapter gives me another reason to want to invent a time machine.

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    27. Truly one of the best pony fics i've ever read, mostly because of the driven plot and how well you could interact with the setting of the story. Can't wait for more :D

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    28. Gotta give AestheticB credit for having the closed approximation for Canon!Luna that I've seen in a fic.

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    29. Awesome! One of the best I've read in awhile. Loved the bits with Big Mac and Mr Cake as well.

      But man I loved Rarity.

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    30. I don't get why this story is rated so low. So far this is better than a lot of 5 star fics I've read.

      I'm betting some people are rating it badly just because it has OC Alicorns and Celestia bites the bullet.

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    31. @EonMaster

      I've noticed some grammatical errors here and there, but nothing that should be knocking it down from five stars.

      Maybe it has something to do with being a mash-up of tropes that are not usually seen as positives? Like you said, OC alicorns, overthrown Celestia, evil Twilight, split-personality characters, and so on and so forth. Be that as it may, though, thus far they've worked very, very well in this story.

      Nihilus (and that's a great KotOR II reference, if it is indeed one) is an excellent example of a Complete Monster, and strangely I'm also rather enjoying the internal struggles Dash and Twilight are undergoing (may have something to do with them being my favorites).

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    32. Thanks for all the positive feedback, everypony! It's really encouraging.
      I just put up a notice about how I'll be doing a little editing so as to bring my Luna a little more in line with the new canon Luna we all know and love. I think that the two will mesh pretty well, even if I have to rewrite all of her dialogue in middle English. I'll also be fixing some more grammar issues (part 3 has a lot of them).
      For now, though, I'm off to go write part seven.

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    33. Aw buck. I HATE having to re read stuff, and I JUST now read this, just before you edit it. This is a sign... Canon Luna is so awesome that I'm going to re read a story for her. I've only ever done that for Past Sins.

      But I digress. This is, surprisingly, to me at least, really good. I normally can't stand evil Twi fics on account of her being my favourite, but yours is just working for me.

      Also, Rarity is a badass, although I'm very curious about that backstory you're hinting at.

      Also, Celestia :< Although she played the part of the chess master very well. Now it just has to fall into place. Awesome at its finest.

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    34. Just linked Part 4!

      @Tast

      No need to reread, just a bunch of dialogue changes. If all you want is Luna speaking in Luna-speak, she has more dialogue in part 4 than in every other part so far combined.

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    35. This isn't what I'd call grimdark, but it definitely is adventure.

      Personally, I'd lay off the moonspeak for Luna or work her vocabulary consistently, but I'm very much enjoying this.

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    36. Aww dangit someone else is doing something like this? shoot...

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    37. Great fic (Man, nihilus apparently has forgotten that fluttershy also knows Kungfu (As seen with that massage with that bear.)

      Also love that your using the old accent with Luna good work!

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    38. No, this is most definitely grimdark in the tags current incarnation. It's made me angry and sad in ways I cannot properly articulate, regardless of how well it was written.

      I've been reading more of these lately, more out of curiosity than anything else and I've been noticing many differences. Some I simply can't read more than a little of or from the description have me convinced I do -not- want to even make the attempt. Others put me in a weird place like this one but don't necessarily disgust me outright. Some are more light hearted but still deal with weighty subjects.

      They really need to divide it out into new tags. Grimdark is a little too encompassing.

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    39. @Hagil

      Completely agree. The tag should be a general rating and then there should be a content disclaimer.

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    40. It's probably just the seasonal depression of everyone, lol. Grimdark is annoying, but, I am still drawn to it.

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    41. Ponies Make War - I thought they were all about harmony and peace? Ah well, Si Vis Pacem Para Bellum, right?

      I think I'll give this a read.

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    42. Ponies make War (Update Part 4!) <ROFL it rhymes!

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    43. So I just started reading this, and having read chapter three, I am compelled to ask - was Rarity's combat education inspired from Irelia, the Will of the Blades from League of Legends (Rarity using a sword that is manipulated telekinetically and can be broken into smaller blades)? I noticed a striking semblance to Irelia's Judgement, where she recalls her fighting with her father Master Lito, and Rarity's flashback of training with her father (the most striking incident, I found, was Rarity's father reprimanding her by slashing her with one of the shards, which seemed similar to Master Lito slashing Irelia's cheek with a blade during the Reflection).

      Perhaps I'm just a LoL fanboi who's totally over-thinking this, but it seemed very coincidental to me =P

      Anyway, with all that speculation out of the way, great story! On to chapter four...

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    44. @Scherzando
      Actually, my inspiration for Rarity's sword came from swordmages in D&D 4.0. If I recall they can get abilities that let them shatter their blades and throw them around and such.

      I just read Irelia's lore stuff, and you're right, there are some uncanny resemblances. The scene with Esteem was just a coincidence, though.

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    45. @AestheticB

      Heh, fair enough. Guess my LoL radar was just a touch sensitive =3

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    46. @Scherzando
      It's cool. I'd probably play 5 hours a day if I weren't writing fanfiction (<3 Anivia)

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    47. Not bad. The only thing you, the autor, need to change is the description. You make it sound as if Twilight threw away her entire characterisation and turned against her friends for no reason, and, yeah, that would be stupid and Cupcakes-level awful AND not quite what happens in your story, thank God. If you change the description more people will read it.

      Also, one thing that bothers me is Luna's sily olde englishe. The fact is that I personnaly find that manner of speaking annoying, even thought this is an important part of her character. But, mostly, it seems to me, who has never learned that stuff, that you use it in an inconsistent manner, such as "ye" and "you" in the same sentence. I can't tell if she speaks like that all the time or if she does it from time to time. And it makes reading a little less enjoyable.

      But yeah, appart from that, pretty good.

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    48. @AestheticB

      Oh, I'm the total opposite, I'd probably write fanfic for 5 hours a day if I weren't playing LoL XD

      Still, been bandying a few ideas around in my head, mayhap I'll eventually actually put them to paper (paper being Microsoft Word but w/e) =P

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    49. I like this story... a lot. However, I have a few concerns:

      In chapter 3, Nihilus commands the puppets not to kill the elements of harmony, yet they all tried to do exactly that. Even Nihilus herself tries to kill Rarity at one point. Doesn't that conflict with her plans?

      In chapter four, the two alicorn sisters are determined to rule ponykind with both fear AND love. Why? What made them have that desire? It wasn't touched on at all, and let me scratching my head. If they had come to this conclusion after the war, then it would have made more sense. But there were determined before that.

      Still a really good series though. I can't wait to read more!

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    50. @DarkJester

      Regarding your first paragraph, I agree. I was baffled at why the puppets seemed to be attempting to kill them after they were commanded to bring them back alive. Perhaps they were just attempting to knock them all unconscious?

      Your second paragraph, asking why Luna and Celestia sought to rule with love and fear before the war: I think the war made them despise the concept of instilling fear in the ponies. They saw cruelty and the methods of their parents as the reason for all the suffering. Whereas before hand it may have been seen as at least useful.

      Just my take.

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    51. @DarkJester
      The first version of chapter three had Nihilus attempting to kill the mane 4. When I edited it into 'capture' it seems I forgot some things. The puppets, however, are supposed to just be trying to choke their targets into unconsciousness and drag them back to their mistress. Nihilus is not supposed to be trying to kill Rarity. I'll have to look things over and make changes where necessary.

      You're right about me not really explaining Celestia and Luna's motivation for wanting to love ponykind. At first, it's because they hate their parents, and they don't want to treat their subjects the way their parents treat them. Again, I'll have to make some tweaks, butI'm trying to prevent the memory scene from dragging too much.

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    52. Curses, new episode trying to kill Rarity's back-story side-plot!

      Could always write in a few edits about the canon parents adopting her.

      I mean... Thick Wisconsin accents and laid-back nature. Completely different from Rarity. :P

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    53. *finishing latest chapter of "Ponies Make War"*

      *author's note at the end*

      Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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    54. @Jimperz
      I'm pretty much either going to have to go with that or just plain have canon discontinuity. I'm halfway through writing the part where PMW Raridad is kind of a major character.

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    55. @AestheticB: You're probably better off with the canon discontinuity. Trying to make... _that_ fit into the story in any way is going to be problematic. Then again I may be bias: I absolutely despise the stereotype her canon parents are based on.

      For what it's worth, I thought the memory scene fit well and explained a number of things from the first 3 chapters while still leaving room for us to infer others.

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    56. Regardless of how you handle the issue of Rarity's canon parents, It won't change the great character dynamics you've created. Fantastic world-building and setting up the plot as well. So many things going on but not to much that we're overwhelmed. Instead it's done so that everything builds up great anticipation.

      So many questions swimming in my mind.
      Will Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy develop more of a role? Fluttershy I know has the canon-penchant for being extraordinarily reluctant but more then capable of rising to the occasion when the need is dire. Pinkie however you've turned into more of a blank slate aside from mentioning her nagging bruise... So I'm curious to see what conflicts they will undergo.
      Has Rainbow Dash surrendered to the corruption fully? It seems so, but I wonder... Ugh just too much food for thought!

      Also glad to know what's coming next week for us. You're the best sort of author; good at his craft and also very punctual and well-organized.

      This has easily become my most looked-forward-to fic. Keep up the great work.

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    57. @AestheticB

      Maybe I could suggest that you could make him be her grandfather, I think that could work, I mean being unable to turn his son/daughter into a warrior and watching them not following the family's military tradition, he took control over Rarity's life against her parents wishes and tried to make her the warrior he wanted from the very beginning.

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    58. "They’re both full chapters, 10k+ words long each. I’m doing this because I love you guys."

      I love you too =D
      The story is amazing so far.

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    59. @Rottweiler

      It only has part 5 on mine... is the next chapter being hosted elsewhere?

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    60. @Scherzando

      Open the fifth chapter, at the end of the chapter, the link to chapter 6 is already there.

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    61. You know AestheticB, I hate the fact that you can't proofread, (spelling Queen "Kueen", ie), but I love the story and rate it up among the star 6's for the story idea. I'm sure I've said something like, "Great Story Bro!" earlier in the comment log. I'm saying it again: I love the story, and I'm so glad that it looks like you're actually going to complete it.

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    62. With the fight scenes you write, I sometimes forget the characters are ponies. The story is just great, the characters work well together, and I was actually getting pretty fond of Nihilus. I really, truly love this story.

      Thank you for giving me something nice to look forward to every Friday. Can't wait to see what comes next!

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    63. So Aesthetic
      Is the silver of darkness is really dead?
      Or there is still hope like fluttershy said?

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    64. Thanks for a great story.

      I normally despise GrimDark as missing the whole point of ponies. They don't have so many fans for the sake of their high drama. But here, everything is so thoughtfully harmonized with the world and its characters, that readers get to enjoy the ponies on a different level. It's a gripping and worthwhie experience.

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    65. Best Story ever, Needs 5 star at least

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    66. I started reading that final battle scene, and I decided it needed some bawss battle music. After flipping through some of the choices on Immortal Imager's playlist on youtube, I thought the song called Dragon Rider by 2 steps from hell sounded alright at the start.

      Holy shit. I have never had such an epic experience. The best part was by coincidence and the place where I timed it made the crescendos and important events aligned almost perfectly. :O

      As to the whole idea of Grimdark ruining ponies, I completely disagree.

      It is in the darkest of days that light shines the brightest and furthest.

      Wow, that line actually looks more epic than I thought it would be.

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    67. Oh, and this is my list of reactions to the ponies in this chapter.
      Pinkie Pie-Has now turned into Jackie Chan-Pony Form
      Fluttershy- I break ponies with my mind. Oh, and I'm super strong too.
      Applejack- The Chuck Norris of Ponies
      Rainbow Dash- is now a ninja in terms of reflexes. But seriously, kicking away a razor sharp shard of metal? Really?
      Rarity- The Jedi
      Twilight Sparkle- Vegeta, what does the scouter say about her power level? Its over NINE THOUSANDDDDDDDD!

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    68. Oh god, it's getting so GOOD! I am quite eager to learn how Fluttershy obtained earth pony magic and Pinkie Pie Pegasus magic. :3

      This is so amazingly well done, kudos! However, one small thing:

      In chapters 6 and 7, you used the term "however" a quite too much.

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    69. If this was still open for star rating, I would totally give it a five.

      The first chapter didn't impress me too much, mostly because I was confused about the two new alicorns that just came out of nowhere. After all the information was established this story just became amazing.

      I will follow this fiction loyally forever!

      And also so damn tempted to draw fanart, hrrng.

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    70. @Kyronos
      I'm glad that's how their fighting styles are coming across for you, because for the most part, that's how I wanted them to. I actually watched almost all the fight scenes from the matrix before I wrote the Pinkie/Dash fight. As far as Rarity being a jedi goes, trained blade-casters are actually knights, and you can expect Duel of the Fates to play whenever they do battle (But not actually, because I don't link music in the fic.)

      Also, Two Steps from Hell is awesome. Their discography is right next to my Hans Zimmer, Epic Score, Steve Jablonsky, Audiomachine, and well, you get the idea.

      @DarkJester
      Funny you should mention that, because it's something that got brought up when I was talking with my brother the other day. The things is, I don't want to start sentences with conjunctions, so I'll usually just take the conjunction away and tack a comma followed by "however" at the end of the sentence. It's a bad habit that's getting a little out of hand.

      @Rachael
      You can still rate it five stars. I won't be offended.

      I've actually already made a revised and rewritten first chapter that takes the first two thousand words and replaces them with about five thousand words. There's a scene from the war between Luna and Celestia from Celestia's point of view, and a little more of Celestia in mastermind mode. Other than that, not much is changed other than the fact that T&T are immediately introduced as their parents. It should (hopefully) help to alleviate the "It was a nice night, and then OC alicorns came and ruined everything!" feel that earned the story a 3.3 star rating upon its release. I'll update the fic with the new version once I get everything polished up.

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    71. After reading this recent chapter, I really hope Esteem dies in some horrible way. I refuse to tolerate someone who enjoys causing pain to others, he is responsible for what happens to the mane 6 up to this point in the story.

      If he's being controlled, which doesn't seem that likely considering how he raised Rarity, I'd prefer a Death is Redemption trope to be played. Making him lose to Rarity would be a nice touch.

      Loved the flashback portion. Not only did it solidify my dislike of Esteem, but it showed just how NNN came to be, and why Twilight succumbed to that dark power. Until that point, I assumed Titan encountered her directly to do it.

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    72. I'm General Esteem, and this is my favourite fanfic in Canterlot.

      Hehe... assuming direct control XD I have to say I like Esteem more than Nihlus - I always think the cold, calculating cruel villain is much more interesting than the energetic, psychopathic cruel villain. I also liked the chapter title throwback to chapter 2.

      Looking forward to the next chapter! *begins twiddling thumbs for a fortnight*

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    73. man, reading this is really getting me fired up to work on my fan fic, i've been procrastinating too much lately and need to get going on it, ny reading this it gave me a little inspiration

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    74. I loved listening to you ramble, the Blog Post/Google Docs Announcement was nice, and you really make me feel connected to the fic with that kind of thing. Keep up the amazing work!

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    75. Love it, any way we can rate it higher?!

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    76. This is an amazing story, I really enjoy the characterization and the flow of the writing. The story is well paced and the battle scenes paint vivid pictures in my mind, an essential quality to a war story.

      That brings me to the remade first chapter, honestly I'm torn, probably due to glorifying the old one. But the new opening sequence is a bit 'in your face' while the old one started out rather serene with an increasingly growing suspicion that something is wrong. The new opening does a better job of introducing their parents, while the old had a bigger sense of dread when they appeared.
      They both have their merits and I can see the reasoning for using the current one due to it being more in style with the rest of the story.

      That said I would enjoy reading the old again to see if it's just my mind deceiving me.

      Thanks for this story, I'm really looking forward to future chapters and any other stories you try your hand at - Sparkle's Law is pure gold.

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    77. So you DID rework the first chapter. Someone tell Seth!

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    78. No chapter 9 yet? Ohh, ok, take your time man, I'll come back later.

      Peace.

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    79. @Riesz If you'd like to read the old chapter one, just click on the hyphen that acts as a break between the end of the current chapter one and my email/link to chapter two. It's actually a link.
      The first chapter is important to me because it's the entry point to this behemoth of a fanfiction. It is imperative that it sets the mood. I think I'll give the new one a read to see what I co do to recapture the building dread that you mentioned.

      Oh, yeah, I should also mention that the fic is updated (Part 9 is linked at the end of part 8). That took me slightly longer than I expected (only five days!), and for that I am truly sorry. As I've said on Fimfic, I'd rather break my word and seem like a bad pony than release a chapter that didn't meet my ever growing standards. You'll see that I've dated next week's release, because next week's part is completely written. 12k words, If you're wondering.

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    80. Loved the twist at the end >=D Loving the story in general, actually. Can't wait for the next chapter!

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    81. This fic is making me so excited. Haven't read the revised first chapter yet, but I will shortly!

      Everypony was so badass in chapter 9. Also, nice title drop! I love it when a good story comes together.

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    82. Excellent chapter, though... I want to see non-insane Twilight in action. Nix was bad, and badass for all she has none of Twilight's true gift.

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    83. I usually don't like grimdark, but this one is just awesome. Pinkie's part in chapter 9 is very entertaining to read =D.

      I wish I could timetravel 1 week forward. The wait is almost unbearable =p

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    84. Six days until the next one.

      I don't think I can wait that long, honestly. This is like Fallout: Equestria in its scope. Completely epic, entirely engrossing.

      Lemme put it in layman's terms...

      MOAR PONIES MAKING WAR, PLZ.

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    85. Such a good chapter! Why does this only have 4 stars still?

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    86. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    87. This has probably got to be one of my favorite fics out there. There aren't enough words in the dictionary to express how much I love it. I'm actually working on a Tv Tropes page for it at the moment if any Brony tropers want to contribute ^^'

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    88. Wow. This is one of my favourite fics of all time

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    89. Let me just voice my thoughts about this fic here... "Amazing, awesome, imaginative, fun, epic, deep, well thought-out, can't stop reading," and the most important of all... "WHY IS THIS ONLY 4-STAR???"

      Been reading since it was first posted here, and I can't stop. Keep up the great work!

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    90. One of the best title drops I've ever seen/read. Well done.

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    91. Excellent update. Great way to bring this fic back on track after a mini hiatus with some nice combat scenes and some emotional character moments. The sorta stuff I expect from this top notch story.

      Also does this mean wensday is the new weekly update day? I support this.

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    92. Y isn't this a 6 star?!?!? MOAR PLOX

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    93. Another excellent chapter.

      Coconut is a great characterization of someone who’s lost hope and tries to rationalize a reason for them acting as they do, even though they would’ve thought it wrong under other circumstances. At the same time it also give a small glimpse into ‘the other side’ with the doubts and rumours surrounding their upper command and mane six.

      Pinkie does an awesome Batman impression with her entrance and utilizes a combat style that feels like Assassin Creed mixed in with lots of fun gadgets. Fits her perfectly and feels even more in line with her personality than the matrix inspired fight with Dash!Wrong.

      Due to her combat style I want to think that she’s a descendant to Luna’s elite soldier Blooper, but that might as well be due to Luna training Pinkie in the same style. So if Pinkie is Bloopers descendant Dash might as well be Arcbolt’s, and the only basis for this is that Twilight is related to Astor.

      When Pinkie states that Coconut is under arrest she addresses her as ‘Captain Crunch’ even though she never introduced herself. I assume this is due to her knowing who her target is and she’s just being polite when she asks for her name earlier in the fight.


      Rarity has taken yet another few levels in badass, so far she’s probably my favourite character in the story. Even though I liked Rarity before reading Ponies make War she’s one of the most fleshed out characters here. She got a believable and well written back story - with the introduction of Esteem, a character you just love to hate and a lot of moments for character development. I look forward to seeing a similar level of development for the other characters, currently Twilight is closest followed by the internal struggle of Dash!Wrong.

      I really enjoy the lore for bladecasters, is it mostly inspired from D&D or have you written it yourself?

      Luna is a real (Moon) Goddess of War and her dialogue has some really well done references to canon-Luna.

      Applejack and Dash doesn’t have that much of a presence this chapter, but every chapter can’t be about every character.

      Fluttershy on the other hand is featured a lot in Twilights part and referenced by the others.

      Twilights struggle with herself is a really well done piece about the emotional dilemmas and reflections of someone who hasn’t been able to stop their own actions. Combined with what 'Through the eyes of another pony' would call "Twilight OP Sparkle".

      And to finish the longest comment I’ve made so far: one of the best title drops I've read in a long time.

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    94. A really nice story, serously, it's amazing. I've spent hours reading it, and I couldn't stop. You're doing an awesome job, keep like that!

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    95. i am absolutely shocked and appalled that this is only a star 4. i've never seen a grimdark fic that actually kept everyone in character. good job! love the rarity back story.

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    96. So... Seems the Hearth Warming Eve episode may potentially Joss this fic some. Hopefully it leaves plenty of leeway to maneuver around the presented canon history. Would hate to see this well-crafted fic have to resort to fanon discontinuity.

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    97. @RieszI'm extremely happy to see that so many of the things I'm trying to do are coming through for you. I was worried people might hate the OC and the title drop, but so far no one has said anything about it (though to be fair they probably just didn't comment about it.)

      As I've said before, Luna's memory scene was originally much longer, with a (terrible) romance subplot and all that jazz. There was an earth pony named Applewood and Celestia's armorer was a unicorn named Exquisite. I dropped the whole ancestry thing because the only really important pony from the past is Astor Coruscare.

      Everypony gets levels in badass as this thing goes on, and I intend to give everypony their crowning moment of badass. Even Fluttershy.

      As for the bladecasting, the only thing from D&D that really inspired me was that swordmages have an ability that lets them shatter and reform their blade. I've also obviously drawn from/referenced star wars quite a bit. The titles, the swordsponyship, the functionality of the magic, and the "Conviction to wield it" bit were pretty much all me, though. More on bladecasting in either the next chapter or the one after that, depending on where I split this...



      @Jimperator
      It will. PMW is going to have to resort to canon discontinuity, no doubt about that. The episode with discord aired directly after I wrote Luna's memory scene. The episode with Rarity's parents aired the DAY I released the first chapter featuring Esteem. Let's not forget about canon!Luna's appearance right after part four, wherein she has more dialogue than the first three parts combined.

      Hasbro is going screw me yet again, and I am not in the least bit surprised. If they don't? Princess Cadence will. It wouldn't bother so much if it didn't negatively impact the way I watch the show.

      *Grumbles*

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    98. Don't sweat over it, the show gets a little more back story as time goes on and you can't hope to keep all that straight. You can pretty much call any fanfic an else-world, yours just happens to incorporate some very plausible details that very closely mirror the canon of the series. I love how you explain the abilities of the races, and Pinkie Pie being part Pegasus certainly would account for an awful lot of her character's odd abilities (although since she seems to lack the healing and enhanced strength but somehow seems to be able to teleport I would argue she is a Unicorn-Pegasus hybrid with recessive genes that negate the horn and wings lol).
      Looking forward to the next chapter.

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    99. Commenting as I read...

      “Then why didn’t she come to rescue us, kiddo?”
      AWWWWWW SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! SHIT JUST GOT REAL, GUYS!

      Rather, there was a Twilight and a Sparkle.
      That line right there, is amazing in it's simplicity yet coincident complexity. THAT is a brilliant work of writing; kudos.

      Am I your long-lost biological brother?
      Make my day... Make my day...

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    100. Imo instead of "DATE", you should have written "[REDACTED]" or "[DATA EXPUNGED]". Would have caused more raeg =3

      Now for the impatient waiting for the next chapter...

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    101. Loved the chapter, but you glazed over the actual shield breaking and the aftermath way to quickly.

      One sec it's there, next second it's gone and there seems to be little to no reaction from anyone over it.

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    102. @Obsidian I believe if I read that correctly Twilight collapsed from magic overload, since the whole shield breaking was from her perspective it makes sense nothing would follow unless someone else happened to be watching the shield with the same abilities as Twilight to view its parts destroying themselves.

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    103. @AestheticB Quick question. Where the $1.00 is SPIKE? He seems to have never been mentioned in the story whatsoever. Is he dead? Love the story, by the way. I think Esteem is an awesome OC and his backstoryish ties to Rarity are quite legitimate sounding[he is so secretly not evil]I might not go so far as to even do look more like say it was Cannon, but it could be...). Where is SPIKE? More importantly, Why did you kill colgate-wait, wrong fic. I look forward to seeing more of this story along with 'Blood is Thicker than Friendship' and 'It takes a Village'. What's more, i have tiny pixelated ponies running AROUND MY DESKTOP!!1!!1!

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    104. Oh God, this is the best MLP fic I've read. Just finished reading all 10 chapters in a row (took me 4 hours lol). Also, does anyone else think that "Sir Unimpressive" is a trap? Especially after he himself stated that Twilight "isn't thinking straight" and that flask he gave her.

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    105. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    106. @AestheticB

      Gah, I posted that only a short time before the thing about Princess Cadence popped up. You've done a fine job handling all the other threats to the story from the canon. A simple explanation that Rarity was adopted, or that Discord was Titan's rival in the distant past. Even Luna's canon personality fit pretty well with how you had her (with the exception of her Elizabethan English). And one can probably just as seamlessly slip in the events that Hearth's Warming Festival will present.

      But to introduce a new Alicorn to the series is a blow that may be to hard to overcome. The only thing I can think of (and hope for) is that she's not some special being with the capabilities to control an aspect of nature as Luna and Celestia do. If she's of a lower tier, then she can be dismissed. There were ever only two "winged unicorns in Lauren Fausts' pitch bible from what I gather, and the series even started off saying "there were two regal sisters"... So if this Princess Cadence is an order of magnitude below Celestia and Luna, then things may yet be workable. We'll have to wait and see I suppose.

      Ah, I'm rambling. Apologies! Excellent chapter btw. I do hope your next update comes soon.

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    107. I loved Rarity's rebuttal to Esteem's "Join me and become more powerful than you can imagine/Decadence breeds weakness" speech.

      I could of done with less magical countermeasures though. That part was like reading a bad near-future cyberthriller. That might just be my personal taste though.

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    108. Okay guys, DATE had become next Thursday, as was my original intention. So yeah, sorry about that.

      The new alicorn isn't something this fic will be able to recover from. Depending on how badly I feel when I am forced to watch my fic's canon come crashing down around me, I might just add a scene to chapter one where Titan walks in carrying Cadence's severed head. Yeah, I think I like that idea...

      As for Twilight's magical heist puzzle solving hollywoood superhacker scene, that doesn't happen again. The objective was to show how much different spell casting is for Twilight Sparkle, considering it's her talent. I didn't want to just do it and have it be "magic". I may have gone a little... overboard.

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    109. Don't mind me, I'm just gonna throw some crazy messy fanart in your direction.

      http://i42.tinypic.com/hs2y2v.jpg

      Have some Nihilus and Wrong, in celebration of the fact that Twilight and Dash are (mostly) sane again I suppose.


      Anyway, chapter ten. Many levels of awesome were exceeded. Good to see Twilight toughing up again!

      Although I am wondering about Spike, too. I do not think he's dead, otherwise Nihilus would have tormented Twilight with it at some point. I have sneaking suspicions that he plays a special part later. Also, Zecora too, maybe.

      You've been doing a pretty awesome job at includnig everypony so far anyway, even if it was a passing mention to describe what happened to them. I really like the thoroughness of this entire story.

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    110. @Rachael
      HNNNNNNNGGG! You preface with "crazy messy" and then link THAT?!

      Seriously, this is gorgeous. I love every last bit of it, right down to that deliciously insane smile.

      This isn't spoiler heavy, either, so with your permission I'd love to ask Seth to change the cover image to this. As much as I love Nightmare Moon holding baby Woona (Is that what that is?) This is sexier as well as more relevant.

      This is my new desktop background. I want to wake up to Naughty's crazy smile every day. Thank you.

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    111. @AestheticB
      I hadn't actually read that the memory scene was originally longer, good to know though. I think you got it to the perfect length as it is. And at least my ancestry subplot wasn't based on nothing. I also agree that Astor is the only important one, the others would just have been a fun bonus.

      Kudos on the bladecasting then, very well done, as what I meant with the 'lore' are the parts you did.

      I really enjoy how you handle magic in general, the larger you make the foundation for how magic and other concepts works in your universe the better it gets. Can’t even begin to imagine how much work have gone into creating it.

      As for the chapter, great as always.

      Magical-puzzle-spellbreak-hacking is amazing. I just love it, and to top it off we now have Twilight and Sparkle.

      I was under the impression that the mind-split was magical in nature. Then Celestia was still able to perform it even when stripped of every ounce of her power and a lot of questions popped up. Is the condition for it to manifest magical but can be used freely after that point? Does it only require immense amounts of training? Is all of them related to mind fragmentation as in Twilight’s case?

      Took me a bit longer to realise that it was Twilight’s parents Esteem was fighting than I’d like to admit. I’d prefer to think it was because I always thought her mother was more of a grayish tone than white, with the basis for white being Princess Celestia and Vinyl Scratch. But white is a better color than gray when used to describe someone, especially ponies. Looking back there are several clues to their identity and I should’ve realised earlier.

      Now that Esteem has deemed the Cadet worthy I can’t help but wonder to his identity and want to learn more about him, not that I wasn’t curious before. Is he going to play a larger part in any of the coming chapters?

      Albeit gruesome the scene with Celestia and Terra is a great scene. It reveals a lot of new information but leaves just as much or more unsaid, while also giving the parents further depth.

      The interaction between Twilight and Dash is lovely in an awkward but expected kind of way, it carries a lot of tension and is important for future events. Seeing those emotions play out will be interesting.

      Rarity vs Esteem - Great, I just love bladecasting in general, and this is just the cherry on top. The dialogue is simply amazing, especially when Rarity declines her father’s final offer. That she was able to channel the essence of Dash’s loyalty is really interesting, can they channel all of the elements? In what other ways can they benefit from them?

      Hm, I should be writing these comments after I finish the chapter and not when I have time for them... And you don’t have to answer any questions, think of it as thinking out loud and throwing out theories. I would rather enjoy to have them answered in the story than here.

      @Rachael
      That is so good, love it.

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    112. @AestheticB

      "I might just add a scene to chapter one where Titan walks in carrying Cadence's severed head."

      Oh I think that'll work juuuust fine.

      Also something I didn't mention previously:

      Esteem's blade, Carsomyr; is that a Baldur's Gate 2 reference I see? Good lord if it is, you are my god damn hero.

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    113. @stephan989
      Esteem... is not... evil? He shoved the sliver of darkness into Twilight's EYE and he gloats about it to her MOTHER. I'd kill him myself, if I could... He is a good OC, though.

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    114. @AestheticB
      Holy hell, you obviously don't take kindly to threats towards your canon o.O Don't even know the girl and you already plan to kill her if she poses a threat xD

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    115. @AestheticB
      I'd be honoured if it became the cover picture!

      Thank you and you're welcome! <3

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    116. @Riesz
      Wow... That comment... So bad, must’ve been more tired than I thought.

      I completely forgot my rambling about bladecasting! Does the color of the robe denote the casters rank or skill in anyway? Both Luna and Esteem, high ranking bladecasters on either side both have black robes. Rarity is wearing a white robe, as did Ironhoof from chapter 9. The same Ironhoof mistook Rarity’s rank in the Order Nocturnus, was it due to the color of her robe or misinformation?. And now Sir Unimpressive is wearing a black robe too, which means that if color denotes rank or skill he is indeed rather impressive.


      If that’s how powerful Titan is when in a puppet body he’s going to be ridiculously difficult to beat when in his real body. Not even considering his ability to rally all nearby puppets, shrugging of a lightning bolt the size of a tree trunk as nothing is not something to be taken lightly.

      “Then, she shot upward and kicked the King of the world in the face.” <3

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    117. So the events of Hearth's Warming Eve can easily be placed after the imprisonment of Terra and Titan, but sometime before Luna and Celestia chose to reign.

      Not to hard to see them going into hiding for a century or two (out of shame maybe?) and allow Ponykind to forget them until something (Discord?) prompts their return, and their eventual rule.

      What's disconcerting for the fic was the idea that unicorns themselves controlled the night and day cycles. Which re-enforces my (canon) beliefs that Alicorns are special, but not godly. For sometime now I've had the idea that, in the canon world, the royal sisters are just "Winged Unicorns" as opposed to deity monarchs. created by Ponykind either directly or indirectly and are only slightly more powerful then their most powerful subjects... Though that doesn't explain their incredibly long lifespans. Am I over-analyzing this? I think I am.

      But ah well, I still love this story and can easily get into it's world without thinking of canon.

      I just hope none of what happens in the series gives you discouragement.

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    118. @Jimperator I disagree that alicorns are "Winged Unicorns" from the point of view that there is 2 and they move celestial bodies.

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    119. Oh, nothing that was done in Hearth Warming necessarily contradicts this story's timeline. I was actually really impressed that ep2.11 left so much room. All it did was add one Discord minion, and add canon fodder.

      I'd like to point to your attention that at the end of Eve's pageant, there was a flag with two alicorns displayed - although they had no introduction in the story. My theory is that the contemporary flag was used because of Celestian censorship. To have displayed the original flag in the pageant would lead pony's minds to what came between the founding of Equestria and the reign of the Alicorns. This timeline could be fit on either side of Discord's reign.

      Another chapter well done Aesthetic. I read your chapters directly after the new episodes air.

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    120. @Thaviel

      That would be fine however the episode stated that the unicorns also moved the celestial bodies first.

      And also I call attention to this:

      Link

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    121. @Jimperator

      Well I suck

      http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Celestia#cite_note-0

      There's the link.

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    122. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    123. @jimperator I stand by what I said in that Celestia Does it by her self each day and the episode says "unicorns"

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    124. Well I suppose I'll address the elephant in the room... namely, Hearth's Warming Eve.

      I could fit this into the timeline, but I think I'd rather just have Celestia make the whole thing up after the Discordian era left Ponykind without a shred of history. Given the choice between the heartwarming tale of friendship and unity and the horrible truth, PMW!Celestia would choose the first one. For the Greater Good, of course. She was building a paradise.

      That's the plan, and it will be mentioned someplace in the fic.

      I won't answer any questions that the fic itself will get to, which pretty much just leaves the color of the robes and the mindsplicing. In order to develop a mind capable of splitting itself, one needs unicorn magic. The process itself doesn't involve spending any unicorn magic, so Celestia is still capable of using it. This is also how Astor Coruscare was able to split her blade and dual wield.

      With the colors of the robes, I originally just went with either white or black depending on the color of the pony. Obviously Luna can't get anything but black (her robe is made of malleable darkness, for Celestia's sake) and Rarity would go for white. After that I pretty much just gave any apprentices white robes and any masters black. Esteem has a red mane, so it makes much more aesthetic sense for him to wear black than it would Rarity. Unimpressive teaches bladecasting, and so wears black, whereas the Cadet is Esteem's apprentice and wears white. This is despite the fact that they're of roughly equivalent skill levels. So, in short: The color of the robe denotes rank, but not skill.

      Also, I'm not going to get discouraged regardless of what happens in the show. I'll work in what I can, and if something comes along that I can't fix, then, well, too bad for me. I will get a little upset, but I think that's only reasonable after writing what is currently at 125 000 words of fiction.

      Hopefully I didn't miss any important questions, but if I did, just let me know.

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    125. @AestheticB
      So Astor was actually dual wielding? I interpreted it as a form equivalent to a shatter.

      If the mindsplice was the reason she was able to dual wield, and Twilight and Sparkle both are able to cast spells. Then the reason why Celestia needed to communicate with the mind in control of her body was because she wanted the spells to look like they accidentally missed Titan when they were aimed for Terra. Since the second mind should've been able to cast the spell on it's own. Unless only the 'main' mind is able to cast spells and the 'secondary' maintains the thought and concentration needed to form the spell and pass it on to the 'main' mind for actual casting.

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    126. You know what's awesome, Mr. B? Waking up on Thursday, knowing I have to go to work, and being ok with that because I know when lunch rolls around, I'll have chapter 11 to read. Assuming no complications, of course.

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    127. @Thaviel

      A fine point. The episode did show that it was more then one unicorn. About three or so IIRC. Which means the Princesses are (canon-wise) more powerful. But by how much? That's the real question. I doubt we'll ever really get confirmation for sure. But in going by the scant few details we have for "alicorns" in the canon, it seems to me that we can only conclude that they're ancient, they have wings, horns and magical manes.

      Great for fanon of course. We can play around with them as they're left incredibly ambiguous. But as far as canon is concerned, at the moment, they seem to be less unique then we thought. This may change of course. In fact I expect it to.

      Ok, back on topic:

      @AestheticB
      "I could fit this into the timeline, but I think I'd rather just have Celestia make the whole thing up..."

      I was thinking this made the most sense. Celestia in this fic should not be above some propaganda and a little historical distortion to make ponykind forget their horrible past. That being said, pegasus Spartan culture was pretty sweet.

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    128. aaaaaah i am so antsy for part 11 it's killing me

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    129. Bit of a family emergency as my sister threatened to kill herself and was sent to some hospital or another for a couple months for psychiatric evaluation (and to get her to shake her addiction to Oxycontin,) so we have her three kids for the time being in addition to a whole bunch of other stuff. I'll try to get to the final edit run after my shift today (which ends at 6), but I when I post I won't be leaving a date for the next chapter. Not because I won't be working on it as much, but I can't deal with the added stress of having a deadline right now.

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    130. @AestheticB
      No worries, personal business takes precedence over a silly story (although epic) and family especially, take the time you need to sort this out. We'll be here when you're ready again.
      I know how bad it feels to fail a personal goal but sometimes it's just out of your control. If there's anything we can do to help, don't hesitate to ask.

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    131. What Riesz said. Take your time, get things in life sorted and stable. We'll be patient.

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    132. @AestheticB
      Do not worry my friend, sad to hear that, take your time, and good luck with that, my best wishes to you.

      Peace.

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    133. Do NOT force yourself. Real-life takes precedence over ponies. Take your time, we'll be here when you're ready =)

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    134. @AestheticB
      Wow,

      I only have three bad days a year, and that was one of them. The good thing about bad days? They only last a day.

      There are couple things I intended to put down here along with the weekly update, but didn't get to because I only had enough time to write that message this morning. I didn't even have time to put anything on FimFiction, though Riesz stepped up and covered me (Thankyou, so much.)

      So I think I'll going to make and keep a buffer chapter just to make sure that when things do go sour the way they did this week, it won't make a difference. Planning to do the final proofread then night before the update is inviting disaster. I used to have this, but then I double updated parts 6 and 7.

      With this update should come a link to FimFiction, because I've noticed that most readers are switching over from google docs. The formatting can be a little iffy, with a couple of uneven indents, but FimFic also gives you the option being instantly notified when a new chapter comes up, and may be easier on the eyes for some.

      It should also come with a sexy new cover image, courtesy of Rachael, who is someplace above me here in the comments. Hopefully I made the picture thing clear in the email and it gets swapped out, because that art merits a two-syllable damn any day of the week.

      What else? Oh, yes: the ratings hit 4.5 stars. While I'd love to believe that this is purely a labor of love and that the star-ratings mean nothing to me, I'll admit that this made me ecstatic. The first day of being posted PMW finished with a 3.6. To rise almost a full star speaks volumes to me about the way my writing has progressed. This is my first real piece of creative writing, and I set out to learn how to write. That I have even accomplished a little of my original goal brings me great joy.

      This comment is two pages long. Who would've though the guy who writes Ponies Make War could fill up a blogger form?

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    135. To rectify a misleading statement I made earlier: Astor could only sort of dual wield. A pony, even an alicorn, can only have one blade, but they can split they blade how they choose. Being a magically talented unicorn, Astor's blade is made of tiny nodes made of a material that is extremely conducive to enchantment (meteoric platinum for Astor, I believe, but I'd have to check my notes to be sure.) Those nodes then act as the center for a spell that forms a blade around them. Astor could basically separate these nodes into two piles and just form two blades of equal length but half the power, like splitting one knife-full of peanut butter between two slices of toast (I'm not known for my metaphors.) With two minds, Astor could actually analyze and fight two enemy bladecasters (or one + Blooper) this way, adn have it be effective. Esteem, despite being the greatest non-alicorn bladecaster in the world, still keeps Carsomyr intact when fighting both Starlight and Midnight. So basically, you were right all along.

      Carsomyr is totally a reference to BG2, which is in my opinion one of the greatest games of all time. Esteem is fighting for his god and religion, and is the "hoof of god." So he gets the paladin sword despite being a such a jerk. (If you guys hadn't noticed, I dislike characters that can be described as "lawful good.") Other references include D&D, Alice in Wonderland, KOTOR, Mass Effect 2, Cupcakes, Star Wars, The holy bible, Greek Mythology, Roman mythology, and Warcraft.

      Finally, let me just express my gratitude to you all for being good to me about the family thing. I wrote that comment in about thirty seconds, and was not in a particularly good mood at the time. As a result it comes off as a little... well, bitchy. If I say I'm going to update on Thursday and then I don't, the bad is on me, regardless of how many things came between me and said update. I shouldn't turn around and vent my real life frustrations on the readers I'm letting down. I would say "mistakes were made," but that's passive voice. I made mistakes. I am not in the business of victimizing myself whenever I come short of a goal.

      I don't feel very bad about taking out the update schedule, though. The way I understand it, that's how most multi-part fics operate. And don't think that I need to take a step back from the fic to sort stuff out. If anything, the opposite is true. Now that I don't have to write, I can easily just sit down, relax, and write.

      It's a good feeling, let me tell you.

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    136. Aww, and here I thought I would be the first to fill up two pages...

      I first read this chapter in bits and pieces during Christmas eve, not having time to settle down and read it in it’s entirety due to Yule celebrations. Now I’ve read it a second time with the purpose of reading it in one sitting, an honour it completely deserves, and maybe if I find anything help you out a bit. But the story is so well done that to find anything I would have to dissect it so thoroughly that I wouldn’t find any enjoyment in reading it anymore or increase my level of understanding of story writing and the English language to ridiculous heights. So I dropped it rather fast, but still found some bits that could be looked at.

      In the hotel:
      Unimpressive spoke as he his hooves hammered down a flight of stairs. ‘he his’
      Twilight desperately hoped that there weren’t any living puppets. Living puppets, is she already trying to rationalize the killing of ‘real’ ponies serving under Titan or a sort of typo?

      Luna vs Loyalists
      “Twilight Sparkle was past saving! I’m sorry, Midnight, but it had to said—” ‘had to -be- said? I understand them not being able to form complete sentences in the heat of the moment, but you’ve consistently had proper sentences before.

      Other than those, if they are errors at all, I immensely enjoyed this chapter. Incredibly well done.

      Sir Unimpressive is growing on me, a really enjoyable character with a bit of a blunt worldview. The banter between him and Twilight is top notch. If I understood you right before you were a bit worried about your OCs, atleast with Coconut. As long as they are done well they are an asset and not a weakness, and yours are really well done and there is no sign of that changing any time soon.

      While there are several renditions of both Luna and Celestia, and many of them are enjoyable in their own ways. Very few come close to yours for me. Composure’s Celestia come in as a close second, and I completely adore her and how that story is told. Yet you beat them, with the fleshed out backstory, thoughts and motivations while still leaving room for a bit of character development. With Celestia as the tactical mastermind and schemer and Luna as the (Moon) Goddess of War. A role Luna only grows to encompass further, while still showing sides reminding us that isn’t all that she is. Being able to see what role she needs to play, or was that move she needs to make?, and be able to fulfill it requires an immense amount of strength of character.

      I liked the attention to detail displayed when it was Dash and Pinkie who first heard someone approach. It’s those details that is easily and often forgotten, but I’m glad to say that it’s not surprising that it wasn’t. We still haven’t got an explanation for Pinkie’s and Fluttershy’s magic situation!

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    137. Since you seem to have the fic under control I’ll just keep bugging you about bladecasting and write overly lengthy texts about the chapters.

      Which brings us to bladecasting, with the new distinction between alicorn and unicorn blades and the information about magically talented unicorns. Before I used to divide blades into the groups Physical blades and Magical blades, because I thought alicorns and magically talented unicorns used the same type. I’ve instead created the subgroups Physical blades and Focii blades to the unicorn blade category. Where the latter is the blades used by unicorns with a talent for magic.

      It went as far so that I used to think that because magically talented unicorns used a blade of pure magic they could shape them into any spells they wanted to. For example the bolts sent at Esteem by Midnight in the previous chapter were magic missiles formed from his blade. That it was also stated that both of their blades were disassembled behind them should have tipped me off, but it’s details like that that you miss if you’ve already formed a concept in your mind; which means that I’ll probably miss even more with these groupings.

      Finally, will Twilight break even more rules and be the first unicorn with an alicorn blade---


      @AestheticB
      Agreed, Baldur’s Gate is so good. The only thing ‘missing’ on that list is norse mythology!

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    138. (This is Rachael.)

      For some reason I can no longer comment with my google account. Huh. Anyway!

      Man, it's kinda weird seeing my derpy picture up there now haha.

      Also, I kinda love reading your comments AestheticB. It really shows the amount of effort you put in. How long were you planning this before you started writing?

      ReplyDelete
    139. Oh wait. I clicked livejournal and it posted with my google account then...

      Not sure what happened.

      ReplyDelete
    140. Oh wait. I clicked livejournal and it posted with my google account then...

      Not sure what happened.

      ReplyDelete
    141. AND A DOUBLE POST. GOD.

      Sorry for all the accidental spam here. I guess I'll add s'more thoughts about the story to make it relevent.

      I'm super super happy to see Celestia back outside of flashbacks <3
      As we begin to really wonder what happened to a character, BAM, you always throw something new for us to chew on. I'd love to have that kind of grasp of storytelling.

      There hasn't been a single chapter where I haven't been satisfied, and usually when reading fanfiction you get at least one where you're not entertained by the plot progression.

      I hope that you only continue to get better at this! Deadlines sometimes make things more like "work", rather than "fun". If an author likes what they're doing, I'm sure that feeling will reach their readers. Good luck, I await the next update, whenever that happens to be.

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    142. Ok. This story has now taken me THREE DAYS to read, and it's not even close to being completed yet! I can really tell that this this is a project that the author isn't stressed, or under pressure and just loves writing and lets their incredibly complex, yet wonderful ideas spill out onto the document. Great piece of art here, and one of the best I've ever read.

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    143. I'm going to try to reply to everyone in one comment, and hopefully the comment thing wont break on me

      @Riesz
      The error corrections are always appreciated. With chapters ranging from 10-15 thousand words, even the multiple people that preread this fic won't catch them all.

      Unimpressive is fun to write. I'm glad you find him fun to read. It's too bad an Aesthecian OC's life expectancy is directly proportional to how evil they are (I'm joking... or am I?)

      I don't count for filling up two pages of comments. I'm the author, and can thus talk about this fic forever.

      More on bladecasting in the next chapter. Unless I divide it into two parts too.

      @Rachael
      Funny you should mention the picture, because I got a graphics tablet for Christmas in the interest of learning to draw. My hilarious attempts at ponies and my awful curve sketching have given me a new appreciation for this picture.

      As far as planning goes, originally I did none. I pumped out chapter zero (a terrible piece of writing titled Deicide that only three people have read) and its awfulness convinced me to step up my game. I added a supplementary document called "Scene Planning". With it I planned scenes. Next, when I realized Luna was an OC and screwing up Celestia would get me in big trouble, I started character sheets.

      As I continued to write, I added an edit list, an announcement page, a Master story arc, a timeline, a lore organizer, a powers list, and I now color code text based on what has and has not been accomplished and whats being worked on in terms of subplots, character development, and exposition. Sparkle's Law and its sequel have two supplementary documents, and Nevermore has five, despite the fact that I haven't written a single word of chapter one. So I went from no planning at all to quite a bit, and it has been a great help.

      @yoshipwns13Always a pleasure to see a new reader! Some days I really feel like writing, and I do eight thousand words in six hours. Other days I'd rather just listen to music or draw, so I try not to force it, because I know the writing will always come back. Tomorrow my new keyboard with faceless keys and blue mechanical switches arrives, so I'll probably spend every possible moment typing on my new toy (In dvorak, because I'm a snobby hipster like that.)

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    144. Potion? That's whiskey. Good whiskey, I might add.

      That is a glorious line and it is going into my list of awesome lines. You've already got one line in there, so I suppose I could just make a Mr. B section in there.

      Also, any chance of a link to that keyboard, it sounds hella sexy and I need a new one.

      Dunno if I mentioned this or not, but you're really good at this writing thing. I normally don't read grimdark if it looks like it will end bad (thought it was going to, what with Triple N whooping so much ass), but you kept me in it! Not to mention, you painted Celestia as a "chessmaster", which is my absolute FAVOURITE Celestia ever. Ever.

      ... I find it ironic that the princess of the day is the pony that works in the background, while the princess of the night is the "get shit done" sort of pony. Ironic, backwards, and yet strangely appropriate.

      There was no main idea to this comment at all going to bed kinda tired maybe play battlefield listen to metroid prime soundtrack I don't know anymore run-on sentence for the win.

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    145. @Tast
      Here we go:
      http://www.daskeyboard.com/
      As someone who types 14k words a week this will be a much appreciated upgrade over my $15 rubber dome keyboard with a stocky left shift. My keyboard layout looks like this:
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dvorak_Simplified_Keyboard

      So which is the other awesome line? Just curious.

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    146. Bought my first keyboard with mechanical switches (blue) this summer. Have to say it's probably one of the best purchases I've made in a long time. I might not write 14k words a week, but it still gets a lot of use between studies, programming and a bit of gaming. And the difference is huge! Hope you enjoy your new keyboard, you won't regret it.

      Always wanted to try dvorak, but living in Sweden there aren't any to get by and paying ridiculous shipping fees for something I might not like wasn't in my budget.

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    147. *after badass introduction in chapter 11*
      "Verily, if We had the form of a stallion, this is where We would present Ourselves and invite you all to Suck It."

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    148. @AestheticB
      So sexy. When I fix my desktop computer I'm gonna get it... With faces :p
      Just switched to that keyboard layout. This is gonna take some getting used to :3
      "Rather, there was a Twilight and a Sparkle." That quote's simplicity belies it's complexity; it simply amazes me.

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    149. The new keyboard is pretty darned excellent, save for the fact that making the switch to full time dvorak has me typing in the 10-20 WPM range. Feels wonderful and looks hella-fuckin-balls-to-the-wall-awesome.

      More PMW is finally in the works, and should be arriving Soon.

      Until then, funny story: today at my holiday job, I made a whopper sandwich and looked up to find my boss and several customers staring at me. Turns out I was mouthing dialogue between Twilight and Esteem the whole shift.

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    150. I've had this on the back burner (So to speak) since i've found it, placing it in my rainy-day folder....i've found the piece of my psyche that told me to put it there,and sent it TO THE MOON!!!..tired joke aside,this is a good story.
      Love the gladiator reference in chapter 6, intentional or no..

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    151. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    152. This mostly a great story so far, although I must say that all the Mass Effect 2 references are making me laugh at completely inappropriate parts of the it.

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    153. @AestheticB

      Until then, funny story: today at my holiday job, I made a whopper sandwich and looked up to find my boss and several customers staring at me. Turns out I was mouthing dialogue between Twilight and Esteem the whole shift.

      HAH! I recite dialogue and monologues all the time at work. I haven't been caught (that I know). But it's good to know I'm not the only one.

      *Cough*

      Anyway, I really should have kept up with the comments here. I figured they would ease up amidst the hiatus. I thought wrong, very wrong!

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    154. And we're glad to have you back :D

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    155. I do like the new scene dividers.

      Very interesting insight into Titan, too... The apathy in his tone is rather creepy. I guess it just stands out so much against every other character.

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    156. Holy crap.

      Epic Story Time. Too bad the next chapter is near the END OF THE MONTH! This story has become my need-it-want-it ever since Fallout Equestria came to an end. GIMME MOAR.

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    157. @AestheticB

      Welcome back! Was the reason this update was a wait because you were away/on hiatus?

      Also, this is bad. o-o I think Twilight's going to end up turning her second mind into something like Eos out of For Want Of A Dawn. They also aren't gonna be able to use the Elements properly with Dash and Twilight at odds like this...

      Hrrrgh, need more chapters. NEED MY FIX.

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    158. @Rachael

      Was just gonna post that myself. The cutie mark breaks are awesome ^^

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    159. @AestheticB

      Hooray! Great new chapter, as always ^_^

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    160. omg celestia nooo. im getting increasingly amazed by this story and whenever i see that crazy face pop up in updates i get all tingly an HAVE to read it at the cost of whatever els ei was meant to be getting done.
      Hope to see more soon, this is getting absurdly good.

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    161. @ AestheticB
      Welcome back.

      I was starting to show symptoms of abstinence, and then you finish this chapter saying I will have to wait almost as long again?! Oh how will I survive...

      Overall a really enjoyable chapter, I had some issues with the writing related to Titan and how his role played out this chapter.

      He is a rather well characterized villain, all powerful on the verge of omnipotence and enough arrogance to make one jealous. Even so it felt a bit off this chapter, most of the dialog (monologue?) with Esteem is spot on, and even though it probably is supposed to come off as simple fact when told by Titan it seems more like boasting. He is made out to be powerful for the sake of it. Maybe we just haven’t gotten enough insight into him before, but he gave off a different feeling this chapter compared to his interactions with Luna in the previous chapter. I might just be nitpicking but I can’t shake the feeling.

      Even if the interaction between Celestia and Terra is really enjoyable and well written. Seeing more of it because she got captured immediately because “Titan wills it so” might serve the purpose of making him seem more powerful, but feels off for the same reason I tried to reach before.

      Here’s to hoping his arrogance will be his downfall. He thinks he knows everything, but the Elements still elude him if he haven’t discovered them yet, judging from his surprise at how Celestia could beat Discord.

      The redeeming factor this chapter is the focus on Twilight and her interactions with Luna, her friends and the loyalists.

      Both the growth and reluctance displayed by her is within reason for her personality. Even though I interpreted her talking with the shut off part of her mind when she first discovered the mindsplice as coming to terms with her problems the talk with Luna shed some light on why it didn’t help. I see the reason she’s shutting herself of from her friends is due to the guilt she still feels from her time as N3, her ability to teleport doesn’t make it easier for them to confront her either.

      Dash looked down, and for a moment Applejack thought she wouldn’t answer. “Because there’s something wrong with me,” she said quietly.
      Makes me really want to know more, and not only because it carries a lot of weight due to the name she chose for herself as Dash!Wrong.

      Unimpressive is still an enjoyable character, but his banter back and forth with Twilight was better than what he offered in a large group conversation. Hoping there’s more to come in style of the former rather than the latter. The verbal jousting between him and Rarity is what I expect from him, and was great to boot.

      The new scene dividers look great. I was a bit confused at first though, the different scenes are told from the pony who corresponds with the cutiemark. For example:

      “Twilight seemed amazed. But then, Fluttershy thought to herself, it was quite amazing.”

      It was not until this sentence in the Fluttershy part that I realized it, and because of the fact that I hadn’t the flow seemed really off, enough to stop me and make me think of why this was, and then suddenly everything was that much clearer.

      The lack of bladecasting means that it will be in the next part. Joy.

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    162. Just read all 11 chapters in one sitting, that was *awesome*. 5 star rating for certain.

      I've been meaning to get around to this fic for a while, I am glad I finally did.

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    163. Comment reply time!

      I can honestly say that this is by far and away my least favorite chapter of the second arc. I try to make it a point for every chapter to meet a certain set of criteria plot-wise, and this one fails to meet them. Basically, 12 and 13 were supposed to be one chapter, but ended up getting split. The result is a lot of setup and no payoff. How much ass do the mane 6 kick now that they have harmony powers? What the hell is with Rainbow Dash? And is she ever going to get a post-Nihilus action scene? Find out next week.

      Glad to see the scene breaks are working out with no technical errors. I'll have to update the rest of the fic, and probably Sparkle's Law, sometime soon.

      Also glad to see new readers, as always. Compared to how it fared initially, this fic has become quite popular. It may outdo its younger, sexier, funnier sibling yet. (The sibling is Sparkle's Law.)

      @Riesz
      I'm sending you an email.

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    164. @AestheticB

      A lighter story would have had Twilight be rescued, Titan bopped on the head by an aesop, and everyone living happily ever after with no negative repercussions.

      A darker story would have corrupted the mane 6, killed off all the alicorns, and installed N3 as our "great and powerful" overlord.

      Following Twilight's release, I feel that some of the contrast has washed out of the story. Rarity has become a less-omnicidal version of her father. Twilight spurns all help and advice in favor of carefully-concealed nihilism. Dash is nursing an active self-loathing. Hey, even Pinkie is slitting the throats of the enemies of the resistance. It's like she offers to throw parties because it's expected of her, than for any internally-driven motivation. And now Celestia is going rambo on ponies due to mental stresses brought on by constant torture.

      The light has drained from equestria, and the dark is made lighter without the comparison.

      It was this contrast which made the treatment of Fluttershy and Pinkie so personally affronting to the reader. Kicking the dog wouldn't have much effect on the reader if the reader thought the dog wouldn't still wag its tail.

      The black and blacker morality would be more poignant if there were still light morality. All I'm asking for is a little spark for the darkness.

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    165. I wonder if Twilight is going to release Discord.
      Because, as I see the situation, the current objective if to take down Esteem. After he's "out of the picture" (aka a bloody mess spread all over the place), they can move to "take down" Empyrean (aka cut all his limbs and take his power).
      But Terra and Titan are totally out of reach, even if Twilight take Empyrean's power (and she probably won't, that would be out of character), they're still missing the power to fight the two Eldest Gods.

      They need something powerful, that can buy them some time. Something that knows Titan. Something that Titan hates. They need Discord.

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    166. Theory time. I'm starting to think that Titan knows very well what tool Celestia is planing on using against him - he knows about the Elements of Harmony.

      Because he made them.

      Note how he can do things with magic no one else can, then remember how the powerful magic users can partition their minds. He removed his own -
      Wonder (Magic)
      Sympathy (Generosity)
      Empathy (Kindness)
      Joy (Laughter)
      Loyalty (Loyalty)
      and Honesty (Honesty)

      This was the weapon he made to defeat Discord long ago, and he can't be defeated by his own power. When The Mane Six face him, Twilight will be faced with the choice of making her own elements and becoming a monster like him, or letting him win.

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    167. @Unknown

      But didn´t Twilight just said that she´s sure Titan didn´t made the Elements of Harmony?
      What i´m more worried about is that Twilight will be unable to use the Elements cause she´s starting to change, same for Rainbow Dash. If those both don´t talk to each other, it might effect their friendship and in the end also the power of the Elements of Harmony. Discord won the first round cause he discored everypony, expect Twilight. So it is enough if one or two ponies aren´t really themselves anymore.

      I wonder how AJ, Rare, FS and PP will try to solve that guilt problem between Twi and Dashie, those two had to suffer under Nihilus.

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    168. @James Rye

      I don't believe so. Everyone's assuming Titan doesn't know about them, but all of the comments we've gotten from Luna is that they're mysterious things of unknown origin or providence.

      More then that, we've been told that their creation requires one to break the laws of magic as Unicorns and Alicorns use it. We know of two people who can break those laws as other people know it.

      Twilight Sparkle...

      And Titan.

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    169. Remember Terra saying that they were good, once?

      Maybe the EoH were made by Titan to preserve as much of that as possible before his power does what power does. As I see it, some of his other minds are probably less than icily stoic, and possibly know what his present cognition doesn't.

      I am suspect of Titan's true motivation in all this. What I think is that he's trying to outplay himself, with several gambits within gambits going on here.

      However it turns out, I'll be sure to enjoy what happens. read all 12 chapters in one sitting. was nice.

      As for discord, just going to put it out there that I don't think he'll reappear for this story.

      OH, and Silver Streak and any others, I'd be happy to pre-read stuff, (Ponies make war is about as far down the G.D. I can enjoyably go, but for prereading I'll read worse). Email me at [email protected], I'll get through it asap

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    170. Cliffhanger, dun dun dun. I swear, to be continued is one of the most hated fun things there ever was.

      It's been a fun read, and glad you hung out for so long. Watched a few good fics toast themselves if they get a bad front rating. Which is pointless really since half the first star givers do so based on nothing more than grimdark, oc ponies, or a single character in focus like Blueblood. It can be the best fic on the block but if they don't like the cover...

      The thought play has been amazing, half of it seeming like each character's chess match versus the world. Which in some way has how the story has felt since the beginning. Probably because of how Celestia handled her inner monologue.

      Also, reading your comments I can see you struggling how to frame some of the story canon around the show. Eh... don't. This point it's a life of its own and the show seems designed to smash fanon at every corner. It's just the nature of the beast. Especially with one that has such a playful design about it and a crew that seems oriented around the individual episode rather than an overall functional spread of story. Even if something came out that directly smashed the legs to stand on into tiny bits... I'd read the continuation anyways because the story stands on its won merits with this one.

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    171. i have to admit that this has to be one of THE best fanfics i have read im glad you took the time to write this amazing peice of work.

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    172. Making people wait must be a fetish that all authors share. Meh, I'm masochistic, bring on the suffering.

      Your fight scenes. Just when I think you exhausted all ways to kill a puppet... PINKIE PIE.

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    173. Gah... now I just want to know all about the Cadet XD I look forward to seeing the beans spilled on him =P

      Awesome chapter, as always!

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    174. I liked the psycho trips TS/RD have more than the actual puppet fighting. Maybe it will get more interesting once they have to fight royal ponies not puppets or the big boss Titan.

      So Twi´s mind finally split into two, huh? Looks like Sparkle got things under control for now, but Twilight seems pretty sure that sooner or later she will come out anyway. And TS gets more and more crazy with each passing day with no help in sight.
      Really loved when Twilight said that the old TS is dead and that the new one just had never woken up cause Sparkle sealed her away in the head prison.

      Same goes for the wonderful emotional scene when RD talked to TS for the first time in...months! I liked how this *help Twi* turned into a *help me* and at the same time felt so natural and self-evidently. Two victims, one of the silver and one of Nihilus spell but different outcomes. RD was Wrong whereas TS never was Nihilus but heard her thoughts/felt her feelings/saw her actions nonetheless. But now TS is both Sparkle and Twilight at the same time whereas RD is RD, but still with the memeories/feelings from being Wrong. Like wanting to follow every word Twilight says or like in her fight against the puppets; *trying to prove something* or *enjoy fighting* aren´t that far apart her case i say.
      I liked how this didn´t solved anything but made things worse. Both are hurt, uncertain and can´t get over their pasts as Nihilus/Wrong. I was really sad however when RD said *them* when speaking about Twi´s friends...maybe those two can really never become friends again, it would make sense. After all they´re the opposite of what Twi and RD are in *Growing Pains*: There they´re the Guardian and Soul, a Protector and someone who gets protected and here they were Master and Slave/Pet, both victims in the end. Such an extreme leap would be a huge strain for every friendship, enough for it to snap or to be replaced by something else.

      As for the cliffhanger, i wonder if they had a traitor among them who told the royals how to get into the tunnels and seal all the other entrances away.
      It looks like Sparkle will have to make a decision if she wants to save her friends, parents and ponies who follows her: Fight, let Twilight take control and fight or *wake up the new Twilight Sparkle* aka fuse into one mind again.
      Sparkle will not fight, she´s too afraid to hurt anypony even puppets and doesn´t want to use magic to destroy, she´s smart, she knows that.
      Twilight will fight if she has to but probably doesn´t prefer to. She´s prideful of her power and feels joy standing above anyone may it be follwoers or a huge pile of dead enemies; she would be a monster. She´s smart, she knows that.
      So only thing left is to become the new Twilight Sparkle, a pony who will most likely speak of WE and US when refering to herself. A pony who will sometimes just gaze quietly into nothingness, listening to the voices inside her head or enjoying the magic no one can see but her. A Pony who will kill hundreds of royals without mercy and at the same time ensure her friends that she´s fine and there´s nothing to worry about.
      It will be interesting to see her friends, parents, Luna´s, rest of OC cast reaction to that new TS. Especially RD´s will be a blast to read.

      I hope we will get the next update soon. Thanks for the read so far.^^

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    175. THIS STORY IS SO AWESOME!!!!! 20% COOLER AND DOUBLE THE FUN OF ANY OTHER FAN FIC I'VE READ!

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    176. You know, I really don't like discussing what's about to happen, because I like the author to write completely uninfluenced by his readers, -- grammar/proofreading aside -- but THIS one is gonna hurt if I don't say it.

      Your Twilight Sparkle, Twilight and Sparkle, are some of my favourite pony-in-different-genre-changed-personality personalities. In other words, having no canon help to go off of for war, your character progression is insanely spot on with what I think it should be. THAT SAID

      If you do indeed merge Twi and Sparkles -- all fingers (hoofs?) point that waaay -- I urge you to consider her personality carefully. Not saying you haven't, but this whole mind-splitting thing is pretty unique to your fic, so you get to say how it works. I just don't want to have her more Twi than Sparkles, and vice versa. THAAAT said.

      tl;dr - EqualmindmergingEqualmindmergingEqualmindmergingEqualmindmergingEqualmindmergingEqualmindmerging
      WHIIIIIIINE

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    177. Just started reading this today, liking it so far, but I'm only through chapter one, so hey. Your opening hook was excellent, by the way.

      I'm curious--have you read Kvothe? As soon as you started talking about Celestia breaking her mind into pieces, I started thinking of sympathy magic.

      If not, I highly recommend picking up a copy

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    178. @Drakmire
      I've picked up two copies, actually. You just linked my favorite book series. To anyone lurking, I also recommend these books. Without Pat Rothfuss, there would be no Ponies making War.

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    179. "The blade snicker-snacked amongst half a dozen earthponies"

      O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

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    180. @Drakmire

      *reads a dozen lines lower than that*

      Oh. Indeed.

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    181. ' Pinkie Pie was using pegasus magic.

      Pinkie made a perfect landing behind Wrong, and Wrong turned to face her opponent. How was it possible?

      “Surprise,"'

      Nice. ISWYDT

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    182. "The very nature of the power that I wield cries out for the goodness in ponykind, cries out with the need to create, to improve the lives of us all."

      Interesting. I read this in Charlie Chaplin's voice.

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    183. @AestheticB
      Oh sonuva bitch... I have a disease, Mister B. That disease is that I have to read a anything and everything remotely related to other things I'm reading. As you can imagine, this leads to a lot of reading. I had ALMOST finished reading my last book, and you dropped that comment GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

      Fine, I'll order it... After you finish PMW. Wouldn't want that story to mar my understanding of your story. So much reading to do... Is it Tuesday, yet?

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    184. *facepalm* And it wasn't until the morning after I finished 13 that I figured out who Sir Unimpressive is.

      Well done. Well done, indeed.

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    185. @Tast
      The Kingkiller chronicle isn't anything like PMW, in my opinion (though I still very much recommend you give it a try.) If you're looking for something more like PMW, I would probably have to say... The Codex Alera by Jim Butcher or even the Mistborn trilogy by Brandon Sanderson. Those at least are chock-full of very well-written fantasy action.

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    186. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    187. @AestheticB I've been following this story from the beginning and MY GOD this is legendary. Your writing style is incredible, the progression between past and present is fantastic, the flow is excellent.. and yet I have a totally random request.

      Call it a habit developed from being an audio producer and a part time writer, but when I read stories I try to imagine a voice actor for all the characters. I'm having difficulty developing an idea for Titan's voice and was wondering if I could get an idea from the author himself lol. I understand he has a powerful, deep voice that "cuts like a blade" (awesome), but I guess I'm just looking for a comparison, so to speak. :P

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    188. @Bunnay P.S. Just to reword my post slightly, I'm not looking for a specific ACTOR, just a general voice to compare it with if applicable.

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    189. @Bunnay
      Obviously the reader has the final say on what the characters sound like, except in the case of canon characters.
      Still, I'll try to help you out. When I think of Titan, and the way he speaks, one 'influence' comes out over top of all the others: Harbinger, from Mass Effect 2.

      If you aren't familiar with him,
      here's everything he says, like, ever.

      Alot of the things you'll hear in that clip are also things that I at least can picture Titan saying in one form or another. While I don't imagine the voices as being completely the same, Harbinger has the deep, resonating, inhuman (inequine? confound these ponies) sound that I feel fits.

      In fact, when I was writing chapter eight, I realized that the characters were in some ways so similar that I made overt references to ME2. Influences can sneak up on you like that, I guess.

      Most of the 'cut like a blade' bit come from the fact that he's a really old alicorn and never turns his 'voice' off. Other alicorns get the sound without the 'carving ideas into your brain with a vibrating scalpel' feel.

      Hope that helps.

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    190. @AestheticB
      "Here's everything he says, like, ever."

      I 1honestly thought it was going to be 5 minutes of ASSUMING DIRECT CONTROL and SHEPARD SHEPARD SHEPARD. Also, please stop giving me more books to read xD

      When I read Titan I hear something similar to Harbinger, just less... Aloof. More "direct" (GET IT? DIRECT CONTROL SO WITTY!!!!!!!) and less subtle/hinting... Which is wierd because Titan seems ta always be hinting at the fact that he knows more that he lets on... Unless he outright says it. Meh.
      Anyway.

      @ Drakmire
      WHAT THE HELL!? His identity has been revealed to those who pay attention?! Gah, now I have to re-read and figure it out.

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