Author: Evil Weevil
Description: When Princess Celestia has the chance to visit Ponyville, she finds out that being lonely for thousands of years has had a strange and saddening effect on herself... it's up to Pinkamena Pie to solve that problem!Partyin' with the Sun
Additional Tags: Long, Ponyville, Shipping, Humor, Romance
55 comments:
first?
ReplyDeleteSeth, you really should get some sleep. With all due respect, you're useless as a zombie. I would rather have our blog brony well-rested and at his best any day of the week. Take a break!
ReplyDelete>Shipping
ReplyDelete>Celestia
>Pinkie
Huh. Now I HAVE to read this.
The hell do you ship a God?
ReplyDeleteWasn't all that shippy, if there isn't a continuation then i will be sad. i really like it. but i'll save rating it until i see a part two because this can't be just a 1 hit wonder
ReplyDeleteHmmm. Shipping a walking dimensional disturbance with a god of sun, light, and, (by proxy) life.
ReplyDeleteI wonder...
I have the highest of hopes for this story.
ReplyDeleteSoooo this isn't a kid's site...
ReplyDelete@GamaGirl
ReplyDeleteNo, not really. It usually stays SFW, but a lot of the stories and pictures aren't for kids.
Anyways, this was a decent story. The dialogue was passable, but not amazing, and there was some past/present tense confusion that kind of got annoying. Still, I have to give the writer points for novelty. I'm interested to see how this pans out.
the ponies need to blink less
ReplyDeletethat is my only gripe, and it is a very small one
5 stars
need more
...And to think it was just yesterday that I made a comment about all of Hasbro's "Celestipink" toys.
ReplyDelete...I'm frickin' psychic.
Hey guys. Thanks for the input.
ReplyDeleteIt was my first shot at any sort of fan-fiction ever, so I'm hoping to improve on it. I know my writing style is a little odd at times and I apologize for that. I'm going to proof-read the second chapter once I finish it more thoroughly.
Rest assure, I know there wasn't a ton of actual 'shipping' in the first chapter, because more or less I wanted to have that be more the focus of the second one. Any more comments and criticisms are more than welcome.
Well this was quite an interesting first chapter...
ReplyDeleteI have to admit, I was a bit skeptical at first--I mean, Celestia x PINKIE? That's...well, more than a little unusual...though, I have to admit the premise appears to be working out thus far!
The characterization for the two of them seem pretty spot on! Pinkie especially. I'm definitely looking forward to see how the rest of this turns out.
@Display Name
ReplyDeleteNo you aren't Dizzy
You're just bucking insane
@Torrential Rains:
ReplyDeleteI predicted you'd say that.
Irrefutable proof right there.
Now if you'll excuse me I must go fight some demonspawn.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteWell, you could at least put a mature warning somewhere, It's going to be hard explaining this to my sister why she can't go on the cute pony website.
@GamaGirl
ReplyDeleteI suppose that's the downside of a kid's show with a huge periphery demographic of adults.
If you want, you can send an email to sethisto@gmail.com with your concerns.
@GamaGirl
ReplyDeleteMature warning? For _this_ fic? Honey, you ain't seen the stuff that barely makes it on here yet *Cough*butterscotchsundae*cough*. Let alone the stuff that doesn't (Hi RagingSemi! Hi Metalhooves!)
In all seriousness, this doesn't even register as shipping for me (yet). Spark is shipping. Lotus Spa Follies is shipping (and clopping). Merely a Mare is turning into shipping (finally!).
Hint: The following are ALSO not kid friendly
ponychan, ponibooru, fimchan, any synchtube channel other than maybe filly, and most fics NOT on EqD (they are usually not here because they didn't pass the quality checks or because they're too cloppy)
But hey, Seth! Your site was called cute XD.
@GamaGirl
ReplyDeleteI understand your concerns completely but no, this isn't a site for kids. Its intended for teen and adult fans of the show. and this is generally the cleanest fansite around.
Honestly I'd stick with the Hasbro official site if you have little ones wanting to visit.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteBah! I almost forgot. If you use the "No-Fanfiction" mode for this site it instantly makes it much cleaner than it already is. I'd still be wary of some of the drawfriend and media posts, though. They aren't explicit, but certainly not intended for small children.
I just can't wrap my mind around a Pinkie shipfic.
ReplyDeleteFinally! The ship of my dreams!
ReplyDeleteSo far so good. The past tense blinking confused me a little at first but overall a solid story. Looking forward to more
"the most powerful and only winged unicorn"? What's Luna then, a jackalope?
ReplyDelete"a certain purple pupil to the most powerful and only winged unicorn in the land"
ReplyDeleteNow I have a good excuse to say that: LUUUUUUUUUUNAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
...Celestia isn't the only alicorn in the world, that's my point.
Anyway, here's a (not so) short opinion: I have a mixed feelings about this one. Before Celestia came to the Ponyville, everything seemed more or less fine, and I especially liked Celestia's inner thoughts during her walk (although... being forbidden to fly? Seriously? With herself coming out of nowhere at the very end of Feeling Pinkie Keen?). But then, everything goes simply too fast, one can clearly feel the forced shipping that simply couldn't work in the normal circumstances. Even if that cake was giant and amazing, I'm pretty sure that during these past 1000 years, Celestia's personal cooks or even the ponies greeting her in other cities could have made something pretty much similar, even if it did not tasted as good as Pinkie's cake. And Celestia being so delighted by its taste that she openly admits "blah blah blah I'm giving a sliiiiight suggestion that I may just have fallen in love with you" and kissing her? Noooo, that went WAY too fast, and felt out of character for me. Instead of doing that, she should simply thank Pinkie and then go, troubled by some inner thoughts about the pink pony during the walk. That's how I could see it, at least. Still though, that combination feels pretty much unlikely. I could see them being a good friends, with Celestia enjoying Pinkie's crazy attitude and pranks, and Pinkie praising Celestia's sense of humour, her knowledge and her ability to control the sun... but a romance? No... that simply won't work.
Sorry for a horrible grammar, I'm a foreigner.
@BagOfChips
ReplyDeleteHi, welcome to the internet. You must be new here.
@ZuTheSkunk
ReplyDeleteIt definitely felt rushed. Then again, shipping the alicorns with anypony convincingly can be difficult (I should know!).
TwiLuna is, of course, the exception. And I'm not just saying that because I consider it my OTP.
Pielestia <3
ReplyDeleteCelepie sounds like some kind of Pokemon...
ReplyDelete@Evil Weevil
ReplyDeleteNot bad for your first attempt, not bad at all!
Nice choice of diction, especially during Celestia's walk to Ponyville. Quite a lot of mistakes as well, however.
On page 5 you use 'emitted,' when I think you mean 'elicited,' to name one.
There's also a few derps involving past tense and present tense. Page 5 again:
"she looks from head to head in the crowd"
Changing your tense mid story is one of the mortal sins of writing as far as I know. So it's probably a good idea to change this to 'looked.'
@GamaGirl
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's such a bad thing if your sister reads about Pinkie Pie making out with Celestia.
If you disagree, however, you might want to just keep her off of the internet, period.
I... am okay with this! I really like the characterization of Celestia - it's nice to read about her as a kind and good ruler instead of a tyrant or a troll - and I'll be following along as this story continues.
ReplyDeleteI just gotta ask, though: how did you choose this pairing?
aaaaaaaaa blank is not the past tense of blink. Blinked, is the one you were after, it really kicked me out of my immersion to read that. There was a little bit of an issue with the tense swapping, try to stay to one tense within each scene, otherwise it becomes very, very confusing.
ReplyDeleteThe intro with the guards was a fair amount of the story, maybe a little more than they could really sustain? By the end of that part I was starting to really look for the next scene.
Apart from that, pretty good! Celestia is pretty well written, and pinkie is... well... impossible to write badly, I think. It's an interesting pairing (how on earth did you come up with this), and I'm definitely going to be keeping up with it as it goes!
STOP IT! STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT.
ReplyDeleteWhy do their minds keep blanking? Why? The past tense of blink is BLINKED, not blank! Blank means to wipe clean. ARGHBLRBLHBLHLBLBLBLEBRBRBRBRBRBR. Also, yes, some tense issues. And Pg 3, first paragraph (or second maybe, being edited as we speak?):
"occasional bandit would try and impede themselves"
Impede is not used that way. A bandit or dragon might try to impede the Princess or they might try to impose themselves on her but if they impede themselves, the Princess will have an easy time getting to Ponyville.
@BagOfChips
ReplyDelete"The hell do you ship a God?"
Bifrost Freight Lines?
@Bunnylisk
ReplyDelete"What Pinkie Pie's Song Really Sounded Like" certainly IS explicit.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteNope. She's a behorned pegasus. Totally different that a winged unicorn.
2/5.
ReplyDeleteI went in thinking that this could have a lot of potential, and I still think it does. However, if you want the story to even remotely achieve its full potential, you need to re-write this.
Celestia's characterization is not good, the logic behind all of the decisions made/discussed on the walk to Ponyville don't make sense (especially the part regarding Luna), her dialogue with Pinkie is disjointed and poorly thought-out, you change from past to present tense and back multiple times, and the PDA towards the end, while innocent enough, is not something that we would really ever see from someone of a god-princess's stature.
Now, I know this looks really scathing, but this is what I saw that is keeping the story from its potential. This story has the opportunity to be really, truely, excellent, you just have to give it a better chance. Put more effort/thought into your writing, and this story will take off in 10 seconds flat.
CELESTIA IS AN ALICORN, NOT A WINGED UNICORN
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteSHE IS A ROBOT
@Stephen Cawking
ReplyDeleteSHE BE MINERAL
I won't repeat previously mentioned issues, but to add to them:
ReplyDeleteI found that you often do not set the stage properly for a scene. Early in the story, twilight appears out of literally nowhere, for example. One minute Pinkie is shoutin to what you explicitly stated to be an empty street; next moment twilight is there and groggy. We either need to see twi walking out of her home, or narrate pinkie seeing that there are now ponies around once she reaches the square.
I was also a bit distracted by Celestiamaking faces as she walks. She's just thinking to herself, and meanwhile grinning hugely, suddenly tearful, then smirking... really odd.
Why does this ship suddenly make so much sense?!
ReplyDelete@Bunnylisk "and this is generally the cleanest fansite around."
ReplyDeleteHa. Haha. Yeah, not really. This is closer to the middle of the spectrum, but is by no means one of the cleanest.
This ship is perfect. Only the overly chaotic, bubbly, and seemingly psychic mind of Pinkie Pie could ever be compatible with the good natured, pranktastic, knowing mind of Princess Tr.. Celestia!
ReplyDeleteMOAR NAOW! :D
So
ReplyDeleteGonna finish it?
Celstia: Pinkie whta was your secret for making this grand cake?
ReplyDeletePinkie: Why it was you Princess Celestia....haven't you noticed that your RIGHT WING IS MISSING DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN
So much win.
ReplyDeletei wish this would update..
ReplyDeleteMr. Weeville?
ReplyDeleteI hope I'm not being rude, but..
FINISH THIS OR DIE
So. We're never going to see a part 2, huh?
ReplyDeleteI saw a Pinkie and Celestia ship. I had to read it. Now I want to find out what happens.
ReplyDeleteI MUST HAVE MORE.
Where the hell did u get the idea that shipping the godess of equestria with pinkie was a good idea? Because it was 5 stars ftw lolz
ReplyDeleteHey this is the author.
ReplyDeleteUNFORTUNATELY, I was without internet and lots of real life issues. I was working on this, I swear I was!
I shall continue working on this, I swear to you!
@Evil Weevil You had better be!
ReplyDeleteNot finishing a story is the best way to loose readers, FOREVER!
Well I hope you pick up the story again at some point, was an interesting premise :p
ReplyDelete