• Story: Luna's Goodwill Tour (Update Part 2!)

    [Normal] IT UPDATED HOLY CRAP

    Author: WTFHIW
    Description: Celestia sends Luna to ponyville to get in touch with the common folk after her exile, and to establish a rapport with Twilight Sparkle as her second tutor. Weirdness, wackyness, and some serious business ensue, with some high-concept thrown in for flavor.  This is the first 5 chapters of what's going to be a very, very long story.
    Luna's Goodwill Tour Part 1
    Luna's Goodwill Tour Part 2 (New!)

    Mediafire Download Link (Untested!)


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    206 comments:

    1. 43 pages? Goddam. I'll be back with some feedback once I finish this monster.

      But I can say this now, if it's as awesome as your last story I might just have a heart attack of awesomeness. My dead body will be found the next day with My Little Pony fanfiction up on the screen.

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    2. I just... I... what

      Were you storing these up? Is this a coordinated tactical maneuver? ^_^;;

      This'll be an all-weekend read for me, clearly--but it shall be read!

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    3. Guess this'll tide us over for the next two weeks.

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    4. just read the first page. and i already like it. hope it will be just as good as Memories of Those Friends Who've Gone Before Us.

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    5. Looking forward to reading this behemoth! And this is just the beginning? Good on you, fine sir.

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    6. top of page 5
      "You know important that young mare is to me... To both of us. You'd do well to show her some respect and appreciation."
      should be "you know how important"?

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    7. First of Five chapters, 43 Pages...
      YES, VERY YES
      This was a really good story, well written and it's long which is always a good thing.
      This story Deserves the 5 stars it has.

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    8. Just finished it. Feels like it's just the first half.

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    9. I have devoured it, and yet I hunger for more.

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    10. I am eagerly awaiting more to this. Two intensely well written stories in one week? Impressive, to say the least.

      Also:

      youmakelunahappy.jpg I believe is in order here.

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    11. This is awesome, you are awesome, and I can't wait for the conclusion of this story.

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    12. Ah, quality. If there were any lingering questions regarding who the reigning king of pony tales was after Memories, there aren't now.

      Your works are the sort of stories that really legitimize fanfiction as a worthwhile concept, capable of heights above and beyond the scope of the immediately forgotten pulp fanfics that dominate the genre. Such work, like the source material, is rare and highly treasured.

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    13. @Anonymous

      Dang straight! What this guy said.

      Be proud of yourself and your amazing talent, WTFHIW!

      ReplyDelete
    14. Damn, I wish I could change my vote in favorite story type's poll now, this is what normal should stand for. Congrats good sir, all my 5's are belong to you.

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    15. Well played WFTHIW. You've got several plots going on at the same time and they're all interesting sounding. The level of complexity of the story is fun to follow, and like MoTFWGBU, the dialogue and scenes are are really well done.
      It seems like you put a lot of effort into this, so I hope you have fun doing the rest. I'm looking forward to it.
      Also to try and help you make the story as seamless as possible there are a couple typos I found that I'll just put down here.
      Page 1 Paragraph 10, which has the phrase, "She was unable to do nothing but look down..."
      Page 6 Paragraph 3, which says "Got to know her, or checked..." fairly certain it's meant to be "Get to know..."
      Page 9 Paragraph 2, it says "over a beaker warming over candle." over A candle?
      Page 14 after the break Paragraph 2 says, "with a assuaged..." I think that's supposed to be AN assuaged.
      And that's all I've got! I really like what you're doing with it. Good luck.

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    16. Oh hey, a Luna story. This should be goo-

      It's 43 pages long

      43 PAGES LONG

      PAGESANDPAGESANDPAGESANDPAGESANDPAGESANDPAGESANDPAGESANDPAGESANDPAGESANDPAGESANDPAGESANDPAGESANDPAGES

      Man. I wanna read this, but one thing I really like about this place is that I can finish a story here in under five minutes. This monster is going to take some serious time budgeting to consume. It's a good thing it's got a lot of Luna in it. If it was just 43 pages of Pinkie and Dash making out while Gilda looks on in silent frustrated rage I don't know if I'd bother.

      ...Wait, who I am kidding. I'd totally read that too. You write good stories.

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    17. still unsure how the ponies use keys. or how pinkie knows what airplanes are. oh well, it was a great story and i am waiting for the rest!

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    18. I'm enjoying this, even if it took me sooo long to consume it... 31000 words! This isn't a short story, it's the beginning of a novel! One I hope I have the opportunity to finish reading. This particular vision of Luna doesn't match up with my own but I still like her in this; good job.

      I'm giving this 5 stars because I really do enjoy it, but I do feel like it's... at least maybe 5 pages too long. Not that there's 5 pages in the middle that needs to be removed, but there are a lot of fine details and exchanges and segments of scenes that don't really add to the "story" itself. They may expand the world-building, or give us some detail that the author felt was too interesting to pass up, but... still, they probably should be snipped out. I felt like the author's previous work was a much better example of a solid story with very little extra fluff.

      And that's my useless constructive criticism for today. Enjoy. :D

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    19. Long read but well worth it. I was concerned that Luna was just going to be a "royal pain" throughout the story but was glad when she started to loosen up a bit. Though one nitpick on my end "Thunderbolt Crack" the name just doesn't seem to flow very well. I would have gone with another name but in the end it doesn't take away from the story. Looks like future additions to this will be read on the weekends for me.

      Keep up the good work

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    20. I've got the first four chapters of this stored on my hard drive from where I'm assuming they were posted on /co/ way back when. I've been wondering if it was ever going to be continued, and I am absolutely thrilled that it has been. Five stars sir, you do excellent work, and I'm dying to see what happens next.

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    21. This is... not an entirely apt comparison, but the thing I was the most reminded of when reading this was The Chronicles of Barsetshire. I suppose the parallels are tenuous at best. This has a more direct sense of humor, a more modern stylization, and a more expansive, less jaded narrator. And also this has ponies. Despite this, I feel the same tone, the same core, the same aesthetic, the same... je ne sai quois from this 34 page piece of ponyfiction as I did reading that 1850s series of novels about the Anglican Church. And that's a pretty weird thing to say, I guess, but it's the most unique thing I have to say. And I wanted to be unique.

      I would love to comment more deeply, praise effusively or critique, but truth be told I do not feel qualified to offer such. Your poise and your polish are incredibly top notch. You've proven you can write pony short stories, and now you are proving you can write pony novella. When all is said and done, perhaps a full pony novel. Never, ever, ever stop writing. Ever. You have an "it" factor that many writers would kill for. Please continue to share that with the world.

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    22. Whoa... Got a lot more feedback on this than I thought I would, especially considering its length. Bronies are an awesome bunch! Thanks to all for the compliments, comments, and especially the critique, which is invaluable to me.

      This is a definitely a work in progress, one I started at the beginning of January, so it's nothing that came out of the blue. My best estimate is that the story's about a third of the way along. Can't really say when I'll have the next chapters completed, so please be patient with me. (Chapter 5 took more than a month alone - I have a pretty heavy work schedule that hampers my writing time.) I'll definitely be seeing this through to the end.

      Again, many thanks to all.

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    23. Oh my goodness, the narrative, setting, and characters are so very well written and just seems to mesh together in ways that creates for a thrilling story to read from beginning to end.

      As writing is not my passion I can't comment on the specifics and structure, as I take a very general approach, but otherwise, to see the threads weave in and out and maintaining strong characterization without jarring inconsistencies is very impressive.

      Ugh, this is now casting doubts in the thing I'm working on that's in planning. You've developed the world so much with such detail it risks becoming fanon, and I don't want to enroach on that with my ideas.

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    24. Wow...absolutely brilliant. You've managed to completely nail every character in their personality and actions while still contributing your own unique take on each one, all the while creating a genuinely interesting narrative that I'm VERY eager to see continue.

      Five stars, no question. Anyone who disagrees is a foal of the highest caliber.

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    25. wow... that was.. amazing, I am not an expert so I cant give a proper review but I can say that I really loved reading this.
      And I guess this is the first time I read a fic with so much "formalities" in the way they speak =P

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    26. Fantastic job, everyone's in character (or in Luna's case projected character) and the story itself is both simple and intriguing enough to get me through 40 pages. I appreciate what you've done here, most fanfic writers would try to make this an epic of sorts with returning gods or oc characters saving the day but you really have a great balance, the same that I find in the show itself. Love the subplots you've weaved into the story as well, they really gave it a good pacing. If you finish the story with another hundred pages I'd be happy to read it, five stars well deserved.

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    27. This the longest story I've read on the site and I absolutely love it! It is so well written, the character all fit, the OC, the lore of the world. Pinkie!! All of my stars!! I've got to read more of this! Best Luna Story Ever! Even if it wasn't ponies I'd read this. Ok close to 3 am here must sleep and wait for more!!

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    28. needs moar. good work; well written. Can't wait for 44+

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    29. Very well written and enjoyable

      however, I cannot imagine the Luna from the show being so authoritarian. It's very hard to imagine that boyish voice commanding people around like that. In the story, I imagine Luna in her 'god' form with a stronger more aggressive feminine tone

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    30. I finished reading half of this last night before I had to go to bed, and I'm looking forward to finishing the rest today. I can't believe were actually going to pretty much have the first pony fanfic novel when you're done with this!

      The only thing that really bugged me was that you consistently misused the term 'Populous'. Populous is an adjective that generally refers to the state of having a high population. The term you should've used was 'Populace', which is a noun referring to the population of an area. New York is a populous city with a very diverse populace.

      Other than that tiny nitpick, great job!

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    31. This... This is fantastic. I didn't want to reach the end; I dreaded it, hoping the story could last forever.

      I love how you even developed the personalities and motivations of the guards.

      So much detail, but it doesn't ever seem like too much, it just flows together and is entertaining.

      WTFHIW, have you written for any other fandoms? Do you have published works? Anything else of yours I could read? You just write so well...

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    32. Wow. That effectively killed 4 hours of my time. The story is... A word that can't describe it's quality. Unfathomably good would be undermining it.
      You gave every OC pony a distinct personality and back story that gave them depth and fir them nicely in the story. And you characterized all the ponies very finely and I really like the regal approach you had with Luna and Celestia.

      There is just so many things happening in the story that I absolutely hated it to then.
      However, I admit that I was quite dissatisfied with the ending. Are you going to write more or is this the end? I'm really hoping the former. There's just so much things that has gone unanswered that I would be broken if that was just the end.

      Extremely excellent story. I absolutely love it.

      And Thank you, thank you for writing all of this. Its gold quality writing being given to us for free. And my gratitude is infinite.

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    33. Sincerly, some stories on this website are simply more than great, some are awesome... and some have the merit to be of a Real-Book grade/level !

      This one is a fine mix of all the above.

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    34. You're an incredibly impressive writer. I wouldn't be surprised if you had some novels published out there because your mastery over the grasp of writing is so amazing.

      Gotta say, I really admire you, and your work has definitely inspired me into giving 120 percent into what I write from now on, just so I can get even a fraction closer to your skill level.

      Keep on writin' and rockin', brony.

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    35. Two things:
      1) You sir need to write a book. I would buy that book.
      2) There needs to be an 'Epic' tag

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    36. Excellent story, and I am looking forward to more.

      And to the people complaining about the length: Suck it up. Compared to some fics out there, this is nothing.

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    37. A friend linked me to this story directly, and I was like "oh, God, please don't let this be all of it."

      And finding its source, I am so very relieved that it isn't. This is my favorite fanfic so far, and I hope the real Luna is not so far off from this one. Its very close to what I imagined her to be like, but the portrayal is so very alive that my own guesses seem futile.

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    38. Oh my. This was as wonderful as it was long, and I can't wait for the next part (though I guess I'll have to :)

      Out of curiosity, did you base Luna's origin on Paradise, or you have your own theory on it?



      (not really related, but where else could I ask. I'm having trouble with the star rating system, it simply doesn't show up for me anymore. Now that I think about it, it started when I upgraded to Firefox 4. Has this happened to anypony else?)

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    39. @Anonymous

      When you download the story from Goodle Docs, the file's name as ''WIP'' in it :) ...It might be a sure bet, to guess there will be more :D

      @Fast and Free

      Really Book-level. If it was sold, people would buy it, I'm sure ;)

      Yeah, I had a slight impression of ''Paradise-like'' too, at some point, at the Applejack part.

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    40. Long story is long.
      My eyelids are growing heavy.

      I did enjoy it though.

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    41. Done in an hour.
      ...

      GIVE ME MORE, GOD DAMMIT. D:

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    42. How are you so good? Is it voodoo? It's voodoo, isn't it.

      Thank you for sharing this with us!

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    43. After three days of going on and off with it, I have finished the first five chapters. Let me sum up my views of it so far:

      The experience was parallel with reading a novel.

      This is a really, REALLY good thing! I am satisfied and yearning for more after going through those 43 pages. Anyone who did not dwell on this literature for it's length are missing out on one of the most spectacular FiM fan-fictions to date. Oh God, I just realized this was a fan-ficton.

      shutupandtakemymoney.jpg

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    44. This is so good, I felt like I was reading a really good book. I will be waiting for more to come.

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    45. HOT DAMN, this was good! The characters seemed more alive than in the show itself, and to be honest, I'm looking forward to the next installment of your story more than the next episode.

      And on a side-note, the image of Luna yelling "OH, GOD, WHAT?!?" is forever etched into my mind, making me smile.

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    46. @Anonymous
      Oh, for the love of... Thanks for that! I'm making a serious effort to tackle all of the typos and flubs the bronies are pointing out, and yours was the most glaring found that I know would have otherwise been missed. Seriously, these types of mistakes make me want to nail my head to a coffee table, put a hula girl lamp on top and start singing "Tiny Bubbles".

      @Ebon Mane
      Published? No. There's a short blurb about that on the Ponychan thread Other fandoms? Yes. I posted some Elder Scrolls stuff on a couple of ES forum sites between 2003 - 2006, none of which exist anymore.

      @Fast and Free
      @nova_25
      I'm afraid I haven't read Paradise, or most other fics posted anywhere since January. Hopefully this doesn't make me come off like a jerk, but I make it a point to avoid reading any other fiction (including mainstream stuff) when I'm writing something myself. It keeps outside influences from mucking with the structures & plots I have in mind. I'm going to have a lot of catching up to do when I'm done with this story, and SlyWit's stuff will be one of my first stops.

      As far as my take on Luna's & Celestia's origin goes, I'll say that they "exist at the pleasure of the universe in which they find themselves" and leave it at that for now. ;-)

      @Phynault
      On your "fanon" comment, I seriously hope something like that doesn't happen with my stuff. In my mind, every writer's interpretation of a subject exists in its own dimension, and to take it out of that dimension would do more harm than good. Don't let any other writers' works stop you from writing your own stories. The number of dimensions can be infinite, after all, so create one of your own.

      Final note: Work on chapter 6 has started. Hopefully, I'll have a postable update ready inside of the next two weeks.

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    47. Took me a while. Couple days between other events.

      I know I read parts of this a while ago, but I can't figure out where...

      Still, came back. It's a well deserved 5 stars. Can't wait for the next chapters. Gonna have to though. ^^

      Please please finish though. Even if it does take a year to finish, it's totally worth it.

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    48. This was an extraordinary story! There's not much to say that hasn't been said already about how good the whole thing is, so let me just say how impressed I was by your take on Luna.

      She's at the same time regal, with a hint of the kind of impatience and arrogance that made her turn into Nightmare Moon; benevolent and genuinely wishing to reform and redeem herself; and a little bit impish. All qualities that fit someone who's essentially a thousand-year old, contrite but divine teenager!

      I'm also interested in what you're doing with Twilight, and eagerly await for the next chapters!

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    49. Holy derp. freaking fantastic.

      want more. MORE MOAR!!!

      most of what I like about it has already been said, but I really like your interpretation of Luna, she's obviously royalty, but she's not a disconnected one. Plus I love the guardsponies. I imagined Thunderbolt with a British accent, and Rafters with a Larry the Cable Guy voice. It was amazing.

      five stars. duh.

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    50. This thing reads like a fantasy novel, which is awesome. I love how all of the mane cast is so perfectly in character, especially Pinkie Pie, and I also am finding my self quite interested in the Royal Guard's subplot. I'll read it even if it does reach full-length novel proportions.

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    51. I want to read it all for free, then pay you a price of a hard-back best seller novel to read it again.

      5 stars, everyone's said anything I could say about it.

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    52. Very well composed and quite an enjoyable read. I also like the variation of the diction, it certainly keeps the work from appearing dry as others have fallen into.

      Personally, my spare time is divvied up considerably, so I sent this through text2wav and have been listening to it on my mp3 player for a the last few days. One thing that struck me was how many 'melodies' were referenced in your text, only to realize that was 'my lady' after some thought - your tale focuses around Luna, and her royal heritage, so I can see where the term would appear consistently, but it still felt a tad disproportionate to the rest of the story - I feel like the 'my lady' and other references would be best limited to when Luna is being contrasted against her civilian peers. Apologies if this is what you were trying to do, I'm going from memory of a first reading, it's just overall the storytelling seemed more formal than the show typically feels. It seems like you're focusing more on the politics (and drama therein) rather than a strict adventure that I feel the show tries to shoot for, which is perfectly fine, it just makes for a slightly different feel for the characters.

      There are a few scenes throughout that I did find quite humorous; I liked how you developed the guards, while other authors would have simply grouped them and forgotten them, I liked how you focused on developing each one personally, I presume they will be playing a roll in future chapters. One thing I did wince a little at was the direct citation to the episodes, for example in ch5 when the girls relate their tales to Luna - referencing the exact method that Twilight employed to take down the ursa major - something about already knowing the context and having it reexplained didn't quite sit well with me.

      I like how you focus on the 'show' rather than 'tell' approach - it's not an apple, it's an orb with a stem; it's not Twilight, she's a magician - though I feel like there are a few instances where simply stating their names would have been more succinct/appropriate - the one instance I think of is near the end when Luna and AJ are going into the Apple Cellar and for the first portion of the scene I had lost track of which two characters were in the scene and ended up picking it up from context.

      It's funny trying to reconcile 1000 years of exile, you've taken an angle of Luna trying to regain her honor to an extent (I feel like it might be a noteworthy point that Celestia trusts Luna with her old duties - showing Celestia trusts her sister might help convince some of the other citizens in Ponyville), but I can't help going off on a tangent and thinking that she was possessed in some way and that Celestia saw through the ailment... you kind of gloss over Luna's imprisonment, but trying to find a coherent explanation for her outburst/actions in the first couple episodes and having Luna explain that in full to, say, Twilight, might prove for an interesting aside. I have some other theories on Celestia and the operation of Equestria that I will simply link to if you would like to read them at your leisure [link] you're welcome to incorporate these ideas into your work if you find them compelling.

      70-some reviews and an average of 5 stars, definitely well deserved and I hope to read more from you in the future.

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    53. Absolutely WONDERFUL! I haven't felt this great about an actual book let alone a FANFIC about MY LITTLE PONY. You sir deserve all of my internets for 1,000 years. MOAR PLEASE. Even if the next part was 500 pages I'd still read it.
      I particularly loved all of the sophisticated wording and how it felt like reading an actual novel. PLEASE write more I can't wait to see what happens

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    54. That, my good sir, was amazing. I humbly request MOAR.

      Thank you.

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    55. I was apprehensive when I first heard it was 43 pages, but I'll check it out. I love a good read, and I'm a sucker for Luna. If the praise is at all worthy this will be excellent.

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    56. I realize that writing something of quality and length doesn't always come quickly, but I must say that I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapters of this tale. The length doesn't deter me, if anything this is probably going to be the first near-novel length story once it's done and that pleases me greatly. Great read with known characters that are right on character and new characters that are filled out and interesting. Thanks for posting!

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    57. Just finished reading all 43 pages. Suffice it to say, it took me a few hours, but that was time well spent. You managed to keep to the main cast within their characters, and used a level of speech consistent with how the show portrays them. I like the concept of the Elements still being retained within them, and couldn't help but smile at the whole Pinkie "I flew like an airplane" scene. It was descriptive enough to be enjoyable, but not unnecessarily drawn out. I also approve of the proper spelling and grammar (I noticed several small errors, nothing worth singling out). Overall a heartfelt, touching story, and I loved it. Can't wait to read the next chapters.

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    58. I loved it, the story was good and the characters are well written, the pegasi guards remind me of Discworld's 'Guards!' a bit(which is no small praise). I eagerly await the next chapters, I just hope that you have as much fun writing it as I had reading it.

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    59. Well, when I first saw this I thought 'holy balls that a lot of 43 pages'. Then I put it all in a text file so I could read it off-line later. And there it sat on my flash drive for a week or so. Tonight, I sat down and read through it all in one go.

      And it was GLORIOUS.

      I really hope you post some more of this, because I am really looking forward to it. Good writing, good characterization, and excellent placing, at least right up to the part where it just stops. So, please don't be a huge George R R Martin and leave us hanging here.

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    60. Wow, that was amazing so far! Keep up the good work and finish this story, I can't await the next chapters!

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    61. First off, PINKIE WAS AWESOME. Seriously the amount of humor you worked into the story helped to make things just that more interesting. I also like the fact that each of the Elements have their own personality and react to Luna differently. While Laughter seemed to gently nudge its way into Luna's head to cheer her up, Honesty seemed downright mechanical in its approach. I honestly look forward to how each of the other Elements are going to be portrayed as I find that one of the best parts.

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    62. I really like this. I hope it actually gets finished.

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    63. People are still hoping for the continuation of that passionate story. :)

      Good luck for the author on that.

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    64. WTFHIW, this is by far my favorite fanfic. If you can keep up this level of quality throughout I'll wait as long as it takes for you to finish it.

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    65. Makin' progress, albeit slow.

      Part 6 is ~3/4 finished, but I'm resolved to complete part 7 as well before posting an update to provide some decent meat on them there bones. Wish I had more than a couple of hours a day to work on this. :|

      It's comin', folks... your continued patience is appreciated.

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    66. thanks for the update!
      still waiting patiently

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    67. Glad you are still working on it, honestly this is one of my most anticipated updates.

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    68. @WTFHIW

      I'm glad I have bookmarked this one, somewhat more glad that I randomly decided to check back, but above all, glad that you are continuing to work on it. Thank you!

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    69. Wow.

      No amount of praise can do this story justice. One waits with bated breath for the next installments.

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    70. there's but one word for this story so far in my mind. FANTASTIC! Can't wait to read the rest!

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    71. This story is AMAZING so far. Your take on Luna's peronality here is a little different than I am used to, much less timid, but it has really started to grow on me. Stories like this are why I usually don't let myself read multipart fics until they are complete. I am going to go crazy waiting for more now. Keep up the good work.

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    72. The flow, the way it's structured, just everything...


      MOAR. I love that you posted an update to your progress, I can't wait to read the new chapters.

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    73. Anyone know if he is continuing this? I must know where this is going.

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    74. @Colton

      Still trudging along.
      Part 6 is effectively completed (meaning I'm past the stage where I'm revising/editing every single f&#^#%! paragraph with each read-through), and Part 7 now has some good bones to build upon.

      Wish I could give everyone an ETA on the upcoming update, but folks keep throwing "important" tasks at me whenever I get a minute alone with my brain. I'll try to drop everybrony a note as I get genuinely closer to posting.

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    75. An excellent and extremely well-thought out and written story. I look greatly forward to the continuation.

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    76. really good story with a lot of side sub-stories going on, i don't think that there is something that i could point out here, it is ok as it is.

      if i had to say absolutely something (but only if i had a rifle against my head) i'd say that some "someone" could be replaced with "somepony", but i can understand that it gives... well, a comedy mood to the story and you could want to avoid it.

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    77. Dude, this isn't even done? I tip my hat to you on keeping a good story going this long!

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    78. I just finished reading this story. It's truly beautiful, but not even half finished! I certainly don't expect you to have it completed in the two months since the first post. It deserves more time than that!

      But I am a little sad that there have been no periodic updates. I'm hoping that just means you're waiting to release it all at once, but I'm afraid it could mean that this is all. Please don't end the story here!

      This is an amazing piece of fiction and deserves to be continued. You have a six star review out of five stars! People love this story. Please share more, for all of us Luna fans out here. :)

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    79. Woops! Same anon here. Sorry, WTFHIW. I just saw your post. So glad to hear that more is coming! Take all the time you need. This story is clearly going to be worth the wait.

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    80. I love that you posted an update, my eyes are pealed!

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    81. such a long read and i still want more the details put into this are wonderful very well writen

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    82. Oh good lord. Ever since I found this fic a week or so ago I've been checking several times a day to check for an update. WTFHIW, I commend you for making such a magnificent and compelling story.

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    83. I stayed up all night to give this story the attention it deserved, and I'm incredibly glad I did. It's fun, it's involved, and it explores both aspects of Pony Magic I've given a lot of thought and some I've barely considered at all. The detail you've given to your Guard ponies is much appreciated. I look forward to seeing more of them.

      Oh, and I was ecstatic to see Applejack get so much attention. I don't actively seek stories about her out, but I feel like she doesn't get enough love from the average brony.

      ReplyDelete
    84. Throwing out another quick update, bronies. Part 7 is getting close to its halfway mark, and with any luck, I'll actually be able to push an update before... um... the end of June? Seriously, though, I hope to have something well before that, but even this vague level of commitment is risky considering how RL is going right now.

      I also wanted to apologize for not responding to as many specific comments as I feel I should, but there's that RL monster devouring my time. At the very least, I wanted to thank you all again for all the comments and critique. Loading this page when I can and reading through it all is what keeps me trudging forward on the story.

      Next time I post, it'll be with the latest chapters in hand, ready for some eyeballs.

      ReplyDelete
    85. mfw it won't load.

      mfw I can't post pictures here anyway.

      Undeterred - I will be back to give this a go ... I like epic-length fics.

      ReplyDelete
    86. @WTFHIW

      Glad to hear that your still working on this. This fic is too amazing not to get finished. Keep up the good work brony!

      ReplyDelete
    87. @Tamar
      Quick tips: You should be able to grab the PDF through Google Docs by going to File -> Download Original.

      If that doesn't work, you can also grab a copy here:
      http://www.mediafire.com/?3k0jac36flxo740

      ReplyDelete
    88. That was amazing. I really hope that more comes out soon, but I don't want to pressure you as I'm sure amazing writing like this requires inspiration.

      ReplyDelete
    89. @WTFHIW
      Oh thank the gods you're still working on this. I was... worried. Very very worried.

      I can't wait, just take the time you need to make it a master piece.

      ReplyDelete
    90. Glad to hear that things are still progressing. I'm looking forward to the update!

      ReplyDelete
    91. @WTFHIW
      Well, I hope whatever IRL stuff youhave going on works out for you. I'm glad this story isn't abandoned; it's too good NOT to finish.

      ReplyDelete
    92. I like it. It sort of has an officious tone to it, feels a bit like the royals are writing it, but that's sort of makes it so interesting. I have to say that the explanation of pony magic and the manifestation of the elements of harmony are especially well thought out. I hope to read more of it.

      ReplyDelete
    93. One small detail that bugged me every time it showed up is that several of the ponies, including Luna, say things like "oh god" and "oh lord," which implies that the ponies believe in some god other than Celestia and Luna.
      Keep up the good work though.

      ReplyDelete
    94. Standby, processing....
      .
      .
      .
      .
      All 43 pages read.
      Confirmed: Awesome.

      ReplyDelete
    95. Oh how I want more! This is excellent!

      ReplyDelete
    96. Liked this one, any more coming soon?

      ReplyDelete
    97. Sturgeon's Law says that ninety percent of sci-fi (of anything) is crap. However, that also means that the remaining 10% is worth dying for.

      I'd up this fic into the top 5%.

      ReplyDelete
    98. Is there anywhere else I can download this story? Googledocs just gives me blurry pages.

      ReplyDelete
    99. @The J.A.M.
      Scroll up the comments. WTFHIW posted a mediafire link.

      ReplyDelete
    100. So... THIS STILL ALIVE? :O

      ReplyDelete
    101. I had a lot of trouble getting this on my E-Reader because of how it was set up. So I just read it off my Computer.

      Great read, had a lot of interesting OP characters and kept the original characters themselves.

      ReplyDelete
    102. Here's hoping that you update before the month ends!

      ReplyDelete
    103. I've finally read it through, it was great! But i want MORE D: ! Gimme the next chapter! Pllllsss! D:

      ReplyDelete
    104. This is very much worthy of 6 stars and I can safely say I greatly enjoyed that. I love that even the royal guards have their own part to play and aren't just in the background and I absolutely loved what you did with the elements of harmony, I tip my hat to you sir for that was amazing.

      ReplyDelete
    105. @Anonymous and everypony else:

      OK, Bronies, here's the deal.

      I've just reviewed, agonized over, and then blown away over half of what I had for Part 7... for the 2nd time. This is an unfortunate pitfall when writing: realizing you've taken the narrative in a completely different direction than intended, then overshoot your goal while attempting to fix it.

      There's no way I'll have both parts ready before Friday, so here's what I'm going to do: Part 6 will be posted as a standalone update.

      Once I'm back on track with Part 7 and have taken the time to finish proofing/editing Parts 1 through 5 as I've meant to do for a while, I'll update the master PDF with all completed chapters. I'm not going to make any guesses on when these updates will occur, though. Hopefully it will be sooner than... three months?! Has it really been that long? Yeah... this is way overdue. :(

      Pre-post warning: Part 6 has a rather long interaction between Luna & Spike that many will say should be cut, but I like it too much to give it the ax. Enough of this. I've got some uploadin' and e-mailin' to do.

      ReplyDelete
    106. When I saw it was 6-Star, I thought, "Sure, I'll read this". But then I saw it was 43 pages, and then I was like, "Well, screw this". HOWEVER, when I noticed that you also wrote "...Those Gone Before Us," I made up my mind. Gone Before Us was fantastic. I have to read this. You bastard

      ReplyDelete
    107. @DancingBlades15
      prepare for one of the novel-quality fanfictions in the fandom.

      ReplyDelete
    108. IT UPDATED

      HOLY HELL I THOUGHT THE UPDATE WAS COMING TOMORROW

      OH GOD IS MY HAIR OKAY

      OH GOD I CAN'T EVEN READ IT NOW I HAVE A FUCKING EXAM IN THE NEXT HOUR

      FUCK

      ReplyDelete
    109. OhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygoshOhmygosh
      This is the best news I've gotten all day

      ReplyDelete
    110. Christ almight, I need garlic and a crucifix, the dead are rising...

      Oh, wait, false alarm. Just an awesome story. I like this Luna, partly because she seems to talk too much... she seems very capable of talking far more than most people would expect. It sort of gives her an old fashioned kind of feeling, like a university professor almost...

      ReplyDelete
    111. All my stars, shut up and take all of them. ALL OF THEEeeeeeEEEEEEm.

      ReplyDelete
    112. *poings around like Twilight Sparkle as a filly on sugar* YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YE!

      ReplyDelete
    113. Judging by the comments here, it sounds like this sotry is amazing. However, it also sounds like a 435837468958674508 trillion page novel I don't feel like reading. I'll file this under "long fanfics I want to read but don't feel like it."

      ReplyDelete
    114. @Narwhals' Bend
      Read it you vile human being. It's novel length and literally novel quality. READ IT GOOD GOD MAN

      ReplyDelete
    115. @NinesTempest
      I will when I get the chance. I put it in my queue of fanfics to read.

      ReplyDelete
    116. Hm... I admit I'm very interested in side story with Rafters, but it feels like there's more to it than what he's saying.

      ReplyDelete
    117. Just a quick catch up and; oh yeah, 43 pages.

      Good continuation, still looking forward as to what's happening. Liking the guard side story and how that's playing out.

      ReplyDelete
    118. AWESOME. forget projects i gotta read this

      ReplyDelete
    119. Awwww yeah, I've been waitin' for this.

      ReplyDelete
    120. You, good WTFHIW sir, are a genius. This story is brilliant and I cannot wait to see how the main story and all the side stories play. I would scream MOAR NAO, but I believe that this is a story to be patient for

      ReplyDelete
    121. lmao I remember liking this story.

      Glad it MAGICALLY UPDATED ;P

      ReplyDelete
    122. GOOD LORD! This is HOW long?!

      ...Well, I'm not gonna be able to do anything of value for the next... three weeks?

      ReplyDelete
    123. Hmm, I think I'll check EQ before playing a few rounds of TF2...
      *scrolls through news updates*
      ...well, there goes the rest of my night.

      ReplyDelete
    124. STOP THE PDF'S PLEASE GOD!

      They never load fully for me and I have to reload the damn document four times to make it to the end.

      I don't ... /like/ the way Luna and Celly are characterized but it's probably more accurate than the 'patient sufferer' that most fic writers show, with infinite patience and calm despite being royal. Another reason never to visit Ponyland (yes, I said it that way on purpose). Screw them royals, workers of the world unite!

      ReplyDelete
    125. excellent story 5 star

      ReplyDelete
    126. Ahhh, this is one of my favorite fics. Glad to see another chapter.

      Release 'em more often!

      ReplyDelete
    127. I had a review for this monster stored up somewhere in my archive...
      *checks in the trunk*
      ...aha! Here it is!
      Comment on “Luna's Goodwill Tour”
      I'll be honest and say three things about this story:
      1. It was VERY GOOD, but not as good as "Memories;" ergo I'm giving it 4/5. This is for a couple reasons:
      2. Celestia and Luna seemed too cynical to be in character, if that makes any sense to you. I don't see a benevolent goddess acting the way they did, although that's more or less open to your interpretation of them.
      3. All the idle conversation. And believe me, there was a LOT of it. It reminded me of Red vs. Blue, almost, but not in a good or bad way. The problem was more how wall-of-texty it felt. I recommend you break up every few sentences (paragraphs, even) of chat with a wayside description of the setting, maybe a plot device or inward reflection.
      4.This is of course a beastly (meaning awesome) story, so don't think I'm dissing you. I'm just helping out a fellow writer with some friendly criticism! =D

      ReplyDelete
    128. And then the third story to make me tear up happened.

      It was when Luna was talking about Nightmare Moon. It was simple and basic, yet powerful, with such specific word choice that... god damnit I love life sometimes.

      ReplyDelete
    129. @Yomandude I had this comment stored in the trunk before you updated, I just never had the backbone to say it aloud. Actually, I changed my mind since then; the story's still worth 5/5 stars, and deserves the 6/5 rating that it's gotten.

      ReplyDelete
    130. @Yomandude
      I would like to counter-point with that nearly all idle conversation in this fic was more or less to develop a character or indicate a personality trait of a character, and wasn't pointless or merely filler. There's LOTS of dialog, but it's not like one can endlessly describe "walking through the same town again and going to the same house you've seen 20 times already."

      ReplyDelete
    131. i like it. uhm, yeah, what Yomandude said about the Princesses. actually, more what Anon above us said. they seem more ... distant, royal. more aloof, not necessarily cynical. i can see maybe Luna, as we've not seen much of her, but not Celly. not looking at it from 'A Bird in the Hoof' perspective. but overall i really enjoyed it.

      i liked the pacing, the conversations, the way the OC characters are fleshed out and how they relate to each other, though right now i only feel like i know two of them (the CO and his right-hand-man seem really close if not the same character, and Rafters himself). i almost said 'a pity the second part is so short' but it's not. it's 15 pages of really wide margins. it's just shorter than the first part.

      i like it. uhm, yeah ...

      ReplyDelete
    132. After like 1 or 2 hours of reading (I'm tired it's like 3:55 in my country 'kay ?) I have to say
      Fan-TAS-tic !

      I really love this story, all the characters feel just ... realistic and good ... the author has real talent to bring in realistic emotions and behaivor.
      I especially like how all the small stuff is detailed, like with the cook or the guards.
      The guards are really great original characters too.

      Just love it, really really love it.
      Absolute all 5 stars from me (and I'm one who is really careful about giving 5 stars).

      I hope there will be a next update (since this one took so long I thought the story was abondoned)

      ReplyDelete
    133. @Dionysus
      Hey man

      I can count on one hand how many 5-star ratings I've given out. It's close to 12.

      ReplyDelete
    134. I need more of this NOW! If I could I would pay you to finish this out ASAP.

      ReplyDelete
    135. It's about time this thing got updated. It was the first pony fanfiction I ever read, and I love their take on Luna. ^_^d Great work, just like I remember. Please, don't allow such a delay again, if it can't be helped.

      ReplyDelete
    136. Wowwww... As if the main story wasn't epic enough, the side plot with Rafters is very intriguing, especially with this most recent update.
      Keep up the good work, man. Even if we end up with more smaller chunks like this at similar intervals of time, they'll be well worth the wait.

      ReplyDelete
    137. Just finished reading the first part, it starts off a little slow, but when it gets going it's fairly amazing.

      ReplyDelete
    138. Everyone dont complain about the length, I just finished both parts (58 pages total) in under 2 hours.

      Anyway, This is really good, looking forward to the next parts. I wonder if Luna x Twilight shipping will be going on soon. One could only hope lol.

      Great writing style, other than the typos here and there, you are fit to be a great author :)

      When IS the next part due? and Will it be as long as the first one? I do so hope it is, its hard to find longer good fan fictions :3

      ReplyDelete
    139. S'up Bronies,

      Glad folks are enjoying Part 6, but i have a couple of quick points:

      First and just for the sake of clarity, the links Seth put up are a bit misleading. What was posted as "part 1" up there is Parts (or Chapters, if you prefer) 1-5, and "part 2" is Ch.6. Just to make things that much more confusing, when I do have Ch.7 in readable shape, both it and Ch.6 will be added to the Master WIP PDF and will be available through the "part 1" link. Why? Cuz I'm weird like that. XD

      Next (and for @Anonymous in particular), if you're having trouble getting the PDFs to display in Google Docs, go to the File menu and hit 'Download original', or try the MediaFire links. The one at the top of the page is for Part 6 only, while the Master WIP with Parts 1-5 is in this comment. I recommend using a script blocking utility like NoScript with MediaFire, and temporarily allowing the mediafire.com domain (only) while downloading for a hassle-free experience.

      PDF is my preferred publishing format because I don't care to have editable files "in the cloud", and the formatting & font choices stay set as they're intended to display, regardless of the platform on which they're read. Eventually, I'll submit this to RBDash47's ponyfictionarchive.net, but I pity whatever proofreader will be assigned the task of formatting this sucker into their specific convention.

      @Anonymous
      @Yomandude
      @NinesTempest
      ...and...
      @Minalkra

      The feedback amongst all of your points is greatly appreciated. Many thanks for that! On Luna's & Celestia's characterizations, just know that I've never been one to show my hand all at once in long stories, so more of my particular interpretation of the Royal Sisters will be revealed over time. Perspectives will shift. Bronies may not agree with what I do with them, but hopefully they'll still carry through in an interesting way. As for the amount of dialog in the story, this is my main MO for character pieces such as this one. Conversations drive the story, because the story is about the characters learning of and relating to one another. Best way to get to know someone is to chat with 'em for a while, right? (Stalking 'em would just be plain creepy.)

      Finally, I'm most definitely not going to speculate on when the next update will be ready... it never seems to work out as planned when I do. The only goal I'm going to set is to have the entire story completed before season 2 starts airing, and if I manage to break that deadline, before Luna shows up in an episode and her cannon character blasts my strange little pocket dimension take on her to smithereens. It may take time, but rest assured that I'm going to keep working on this story until it's finished.

      ReplyDelete
    140. I missed this somehow. After reading both chapters, there was only one thing I was disappointed about. And that was after reading the 43 pages of the first chapter when I saw the second chapter "only" had 15 pages.

      I love everything about this and I can't wait for more.

      ReplyDelete
    141. @NinesTempest

      You can count to 12 on one hand, bro? The ladies must love you.

      Also, this fic makes me want to write Merely a Mare better. Not more like it, I like the differences, just better. Inspiring in the truest sense of the word.

      ReplyDelete
    142. Politics! Yay!
      Also a good read over all.

      story->length() != intimidated.

      ReplyDelete
    143. @Ebon Mane
      Binary counting is a wonderful thing.

      ReplyDelete
    144. @NinesTempest


      And here I thought I was the only one nerdy enough to count to 1023 on my fingers.

      ReplyDelete
    145. how does that even work???

      and who agrees there should be a little shipping in here? Twilight x Luna? The two are meant for eachother, come on :D

      ReplyDelete
    146. I'm going to be as gentle as possible here.

      I get that this appears to be a well received story that has numerous accolades, but I have not read it. I have not read it now, nor am I likely to read it until one very important thin changes.

      Why, on god's green Earth, the very deepest depths of satan's hell, the furthest stretches of space and beyond did you post this as a celestia-forsaken, thrice damned PDF?!

      ReplyDelete
    147. @Anonymous
      Sorry, Brony. Shipping ain't my bag and this ain't that kinda story. I'm certain somepony's already worked up some TwiLuna for you somewhere, and if not, it's just a matter of time. ;-)

      @Christy "Dame Helen" McFarland
      As tempted as I am to make a snarky comment along the lines of "U mad? I think you mad," I have to ask... is it really the PDF that bugs you, or the fact that GDocs sucks at displaying them?

      I attempted a comment on this last night, but a few URLs in it may have blocked it from being posted until the site staff clear it, so here's a possibly redundant protip: if you're having trouble getting the PDFs to display in Google Docs, go to the GDocs File menu and hit 'Download original' so you can read at your leisure.

      On my use of PDFs, you're not the only one to comment, but I have my reasons for publishing in this format.

      First, I don't care to have editable versions of my stuff "in the cloud." It's a peeve of mine which will never change and PDFs satisfy my stodgy ways. MotFGBU is the only story of mine ever posted publicly which breaks the pattern, and even that's going to change once I've taken the time to edit it a bit.

      Next, since I'm running Linux and don't have MS Office, PDFs are the best way to produce a document that stays formatted as intended which can be read on practically any platform. Even the fonts I decide to use are embedded, so the resulting document is always WIWIWYG (what I write is what you get). Also, the "shrink to fit" functionality when printing from PDFs is a boon, especially since I have the tendency to use ridiculously tight margins (another peeve of mine). The ability to print clean hard copies of fics used to be a big deal for readers and still is for me... guess I'm showing my age. :|

      Finally, PDF is an open standard. Before ponies start crying "LOL WAT? ADOBE!", Adobe released the PDF specs to the ISO in 2007. Adobe, however, still creates lingering problems with their bloated Reader software, which is why I recommend alternatives such as Foxit Reader or Evince.

      Anyway, sorry if PDF turns some folks off, but that's the way this is gonna be until the story is 100% finished and I hand it off to ponyfictionarchive for posterity.

      ReplyDelete
    148. OK... this is the 2nd time in so many days that I've tried to post a comment, but it hasn't shown up. The previous attempts *might* at some point, so forgive the weirdness if they do.

      I have to ask... is it really the PDF that bugs people, or the fact that GDocs sucks at displaying them? Here's a possibly redundant protip: if you're having trouble getting the PDFs to display in Google Docs, go to the GDocs File menu and hit *Download original* so you can read at your leisure.

      On my use of PDFs, I have my reasons for publishing in this format.

      First, I don't care to have editable versions of my stuff "in the cloud." It's a peeve of mine which will never change and PDFs satisfy my stodgy ways. MotFGBU is the *only* story of mine ever posted publicly (including other fandoms) which breaks the pattern, and even that's going to change once I've taken the time to edit & polish it a bit.

      Next, since I'm running Linux and don't have MS Office, PDFs are the best way to produce a document that stays formatted as intended, and can still be read on most platforms. Even the fonts I decide to use are embedded, so the resulting document is always WIWIWYG (what I write is what you get). Also, the "shrink to fit" functionality when printing from PDFs is a boon, especially since I have the tendency to use ridiculously tight margins (another quirk of mine). The ability to print clean hard copies of fics used to be a big deal for readers and still is for me... guess I'm showing my age. :|

      Finally, PDF is an open standard. Before ponies start crying "LOL WAT? ADOBE!", Adobe released the PDF specs to the ISO in 2007. Adobe, however, still creates lingering problems with their bloated Reader software, which is why I recommend alternatives such as Foxit Reader or Evince.

      Anyway, sorry if PDF turns some folks off, but that's the way this is gonna be until the story is 100% finished and I hand it off to ponyfictionarchive for posterity, and they reformat it to their standards.

      Oh, yeah... for the Anon two posts up, shipping ain't my bag and this ain't that kinda story. I'm certain somepony's already worked up some TwiLuna for you somewhere, and if not, it's just a matter of time. ;-)

      ReplyDelete
    149. Welp, just sat down and read both parts within the past two or so hours.

      Have to say, I don't blame Luna for the Rutabegas. Nasty things. :P

      ReplyDelete
    150. Just read all chapters back to back. This is another one of those stories that I go so far a to save and catalogue.

      Normally this is the part where I gush and use all sorts of enchanting words to describe how this story has captured my soul or something overly-dramatic but I am *SO* tired right now (kind of like Thunder Crack at he end of chap 6).

      Also, I love the Rafters exposition at the end of that last chapter. You are really weaving a fantastically interesting story with so many exciting sub plots.

      Also also, I reeeeeeeaaallly look forward to the next chapter.If you want/need any help with anything (preferably editing) I am happy to help. :)

      Now, off to bed. I've got work in.... 6 Hours?!
      Why do I keep doing this? Oh yeah, cuz you guys are so freakin' awesome.

      ReplyDelete
    151. @Anonymous

      If you want TwiLuna, you must read Spark, Don't Let The Sun Catch You Crying or Common Sky.

      If you want a story like this (Luna visits Ponyville and isn't written like she's a 12 year old girl) but with shipping, try Merely a Mare, though the pairing there is Luna/Applejack.

      ReplyDelete
    152. This is the best Luna fanfic I have read.

      ReplyDelete
    153. Good characterisation and storyline.
      Not too clear why characters make reference to 'Lord' or 'God', when the first is a Christian turn of phrase and that religion doesn't exist in Equestria and the only deities in the area are female.

      ReplyDelete
    154. Part 2 is up? YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYEYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!

      ReplyDelete
    155. @WTFHIW
      @WTFHIW
      ...Aaaaand there's those missing comments I mentioned, which makes my last post doubly redundant. Nuts. Sorry about that, Bronies. I'd suggest reading the first of the three for the clarification on the links vs. the parts/chapters and ignoring the rest.

      @God
      Heh... Not the first time this has come up, and to quote myself from the story's original (and now 404'd) Ponychan thread, ". . . here's the trick... I use 'god' and 'lord' in a lot my stuff as mild expletives rather than as religious nomenclature (what's a little blasphemy among friends?) You'll find that unless one of the two words appear at the beginning of a sentence, are used in a quote or song lyrics, or they're in all-caps to denote a major exclamation, the 'g' and 'l' will be lowercased. I did try out a few ponified variants for the story but they just didn't read right . . ."

      ReplyDelete
    156. Wow, just wow. I don't have a lot of time to read fan-fics at the moment, but the expert way you write means that I'll always have time for your stories.

      ReplyDelete
    157. Absolutely excellent work, especially with keeping the multiple threads relevant yet distinct. I look forward to the next update.

      ReplyDelete
    158. New part...

      It has been quite a long time, real long time I would even say, but it was most definitely worth the wait. :)

      Once more, remarkable use of words, very classy and easy to read.

      And I will also reiterate what I said, about 3 months ago; This is really a Book-grade story.
      Not just for it's lenght, but also how easy it is to read it, to get into it; formal and detailed yet friendly and approchable.
      -Sincerly, it is like reading a nice book from the library.

      Not sure how long the next part(s) may take to appear, but I know I can wait (even if I remain eager for future new part(s) ;) ).

      ReplyDelete
    159. OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! I read the whole 1st chapter This was brilliant I loved it! The characterisation was perfect. The storyline gripping and that twist at the end with Applejack and Luna's conversation, that was a brilliant plot point it's like you are creating your own magic system for Equestria that is completely consistent with FiM. Or that's a real part of pony lore I was unaware of? I dunno. Anyway I'll be going on to your second chapter and even if this is the length of a novel I will continue reading it.

      ReplyDelete
    160. Need more story!

      ReplyDelete
    161. Just finished reading Chapter 1, and I must say the contrast between the way the two Elements worked is quite good. Laughter is just that, laughter. Full of joy and happiness. Meanwhile Honesty, on its own, is cold, direct and unflinching. Can't wait to see what the others are like.

      ReplyDelete
    162. This is a really good story, I like the depth that the concepts are playing, and I am enjoying the side story about the guards. The vocabulary was a little beyond me -- I had to run for the dictionary at least 5 times.

      Also, the fact that decorum and "manners before royalty" being so constantly used as sources of conflict is pretty boring from my point of view, but that may be just me. =P Pompous talking takes a fair bit of willpower for me to keep paying attention, but i'm not picky enough to be bothered by Rarity, for example.

      Celestia's brief tantrum at the opening scene went completely against everything I've seen in the show. Also, I was completely unconvinced by Luna's laughter just after the whole chemistry incident with Twilight... unlike her first encounter with Pinkie Pie -- THAT one was very very convincing! Her eye-to-eye with Applejack went on a little too quick for me to fully grasp, I've re-read it twice and still quite don't get what exactly they experienced, even though I fully understand the feelings that came out from it.

      That story is a great work. I'm not sure if I'm part of the intended audience, to the point that I'm not sure if I'll stick to the end, but we all know how irrelevant the concept of intended audience is among bronies. ^^

      ReplyDelete
    163. Too good, and it ain't even halfway done (2/5 ain't half) but still 6 star

      ReplyDelete
    164. This is my favorite depiction of Luna, I get tired of reading her as a little girl of immature character.

      Nice to see her in command as the immortal deity she is.

      ReplyDelete
    165. Well, I meant to go to bed a few hours ago. Then I remembered I had a tab open with a story that sounded interesting.

      58 pages later, and I'm left at a cliffhanger of not knowing the rest of the story. Frustrating, catching up to current, as the story is engaging and quite good. The vocabulary was extensive and surprisingly refreshing to see in a fan work. A few scenes were oddly paced or written in retrospect, and could have been changed slightly to draw out impact, or deal with a transition in Luna's moods slightly more effectively.

      The delve into the workings of the elements of harmony was intriguing. Personally I love to know how things work, and eagerly await what may happen from other such tests.

      All in all, a well-spent distraction from bed. Hours though it may have stolen, I simply love a good story, and the author provides.

      If you will excuse me, however, I shall go remove my contacts and dream of ninja crabs and acorn rights.

      ReplyDelete
    166. Ah, yes, one last comment before passing out as I've just remembered. The "Oh gods" comments are jarring and forced me out of the story. Perhaps they could be replaced with an oath more suited to the setting? Ideas form in my head of possible solutions and explanations to why such a phrase could shut me out of the story, but, finding the pieces they occur and thinking up alternatives are something that would require a re-read.

      And, to be honest, I fully intend to re-read the story. Just.... Not at 4 AM.

      I may be a night owl, but suns above, this is late. I envy Luna's sleep patterns. Night is the best time of day....

      ReplyDelete
    167. Oh hey, a Luna fanfic. And it's got 6 stars. Should be good...

      ...HOLY MOLY!

      With only two parts posted, it's already 58 pages long?!

      My word... this is totally the beginning of a full-fledged fan-novel.

      Now, excuse me while I finish both parts...

      [...]

      ...That... that was SO good. I'm speechless. You've woven a thoroughly exciting narrative, and I find myself lusting, yes LUSTING for more. O:

      I'm very much looking forward to the next installment, and I'll scout for a couple of other fics by you... those should be good, as well.

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    168. whats going on with next part ?

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    169. I need a larger vocabulary to properly express my love for Luna's Goodwill Tour.

      Please finish it.

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    170. @Specter Von Baren
      O_o ... Wat?

      Also: Progress update. After hammering out the final edit of MoTFWGBU and a rush entry for Midnight's "Happy Luna" contest, I'm back on LGT and feelin' pretty good about chapter 7's direction. However, I'm gonna stick to my guns and NOT give out any ETA as to when the next update is posted. Best way to avoid broken deadlines is not to have any. ;-)

      It'll happen, though. Stay tuned.

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    171. Umm, I want the compleated story. Now.
      *chuckles* I know, I know, does not matter what I want, will come when its redy and not before. No worries. So far a good read, nice and complex, and gives a good feel for Luna.

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    172. I lol'd when Rainbowdash said "Lord" instead of Celestia right before chapter five, anyone else notice that?

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    173. I loved this story so much I hope it's still being worked on. Yes this is huge but wow that cliffhanger, now I really want to know more abot Rafter's marefriend. Is she going to be forced to abort the child or will she move out of Filly and raise the child elsewhere? Or just if he fails to show up by the time baby is born that he was told just never to show up again? O.o
      I wonder if some how Thunderbolt will deal with Rafter's father...

      I do so hope this is still being worked on.

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    174. Spent the last hour and a half reading through this, with some interruptions, and am more than pleased that I did. I told my son about it, and he said,
      "Some people have way to much time on their hands."
      I informed him that if I was not spending four nights a week coming up with storylines and adventures for my DnD group, I would pray that I would be able to put together something as engaging and fun to read as this.
      Thank you for your work, WTFHIW, and I will be eagerly awaiting your next update.
      Solidly given a 5-star, though at this point, it has passed needing it.

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    175. Funfact: The title Pic should Change with:
      http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/06/story-dont-let-sun-catch-you-crying.html

      So that you have a far better image what the Story inside is.

      It's very Good beside, but i think a bit pushed up in the art to speech, but that probably cause I'm not a native Speaker of English.
      I hope you will write more.

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    176. I loved this fic, in all its glorious 58 pages, and although I know the next update is still uncertain (yet there were 3 months between the first and second chapter, and in 2 days its going to be 3 months since the last one, so I guess its close) I just know than whenever it comes out, its going to be as great as the last ones.

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    177. You can never trust those crabs, they're a shifty bunch. You let your guard down for a moment and *BAM* shuriken everywhere.

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    178. Hoping for an update soon, and icekatze I have no clue what you are talking about...

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    179. @DrahcirAloer
      The anon up there on July 30 at 12:58 AM. Just search the page for "crab".

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    180. THE GODS OF PONY DEMAND AN UPDATE!!!

      um, that is, if it's alright...

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    181. It's comin', folks. Maybe even before the Luna episode airs, but... no promises. My time still isn't my own. :|

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    182. I haven't read this yet though I'm meaning to when I have a little more time, good to hear you're continuing it WTFHIW :)

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    183. What an interesting portrayal of Luna...Haven't quite seen one like it before.

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    184. And by, that I mean one that is real. This feels like a very realistic portrayal of the "Luna visits Twilight" trope. Much more serious.

      Feels more like an Episode of the West Wing than MLP. In a good way.

      (Get it, West Wing)

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    185. What a great story! Too bad it seems to have been abandoned. The portrayal of Luna is the closest I've seen to her actual personality... written before her return, of course.

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    186. Abandoned? Not by a long shot. Just taking a ridiculously long time for the next parts/chapters (plural) to cohere.

      There will be more when more's ready for eyes.

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    187. Good to hear still watching this one for updates,

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    188. still not-abandoned? it's been a couple months... i just need some reassurance that it's going to update

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    189. @LunaInSocks
      Still working on it, although my free time's dropped down to practically zero since the start of November. I have some downtime coming up fairly soon, though, and will be damned glad to be able to get back to work earnest on this story.

      Still can't say when the next update will be, and may decide not to post until the story's 100% completed. Wish I could set a few things in stone, but I seem to be missing a suitable chisel. At the very least, I'm glad to hear folks are still interested after all this time.

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    190. I will never be disinterested in the fic that was canon luna before fanon luna was established in popularity.

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    191. I really hope this is still in progress. I have liked it so far and want to see more. Keep up the good work.

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    192. I don't care if it takes one year, I will be still waiting for the next chapter!

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    193. *checks calender*

      sweet 7 more days till the anniversary to Luna's Goodwill Tour! =D

      I want this story on a hardcover edition signed by the author when this is finally completed! I want to be the first to buy one! <3

      Yes I am STILL WAITING on this one! no worries I been patiently waiting for the REST of this beauty to have that awesome "Update" tag with this picture planted on the front page with glorious fireworks and streamers everywhere!


      7 more days...

      Still sitting a rock, by the edge of a cliff up high on a hilltop gazing across the fast expanse of water that seems to stretch out into forever...

      "I'll keep waiting for your return Luna, I continue to wait for my dear Princess of the Night's destined return." starts to blow on a reed, seemingly playing to the Moon


      Seriously 7 more DAYS people! soon the stars shall align and the rest of this blog shall be covered in eternal... happiness?

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    194. @Cátsy
      Um... I hate to burst your bubble (or anyone else's), but technically, the anniversary of this story was back on January 7th, at least going by the date when I posted the first six pages of part 1 on /co/.

      Honestly, I don't know what sickens me more: the fact that it's been nine months since the last update and I'm still not satisfied with what I have completed to feel inclined to post another installment, or the fact that I've been working on this behemoth for over 14 months total and still have a long way to go. (Anyone have a spare $65K floatin' around so I can quit my job and do nothing but write for a year? Don't answer that. The telemarketers will pounce on you if the IRS doesn’t.)

      I’m afraid the standard answers to the standard questions still apply. Yes, I’m still working on this, and no, I don’t have an idea when more will be ready for eyes. It will be ready when it’s ready, and I hope that when it is, readers will still find it worth their time.

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    195. @WTFHIW

      It will definitely be worth the time and wait. I too will wait until it's ready.

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