• Story: Twilight's Excitement

    [Normal] From "The Man Who Keeps His Promises" over on /co/.  I had a huge thing written up here but jump breaks wouldn't work with it so I'm just going to ragequit and say here you go!
    Description: need


    1. Okay...that was a weird ending. In general the premise of everyone wanting to go out with Big Mac is funny, and the moral was good, but the characters didn't feel well-written: the dialogue seemed stiff and lacking emotion. Wish I had something better to say about this story...

    2. ....i need a beer after that ending

    3. For the most part I thought it was rather lackluster. The nonsense-filled ending out of nowhere was just utter garbage.

      Also, why the hell was this posted as images instead of text?

    4. The base story is okay (it seems like something that would be in the show, if they ever did anything involving romance), but it wasn't fleshed out enough. More focus needs to be put on Twilight's thoughts and feelings, to really help the reader feel what Twilight is feeling.
      Also, the characters' dialogue didn't feel exactly right; it needs to be fine-tuned to sound more in character.

      And a few other major changes: the story's riddled with grammar errors (especially involving repetitive word choice in some parts), and that bizzare, out of the blue mindscrew of an ending really wasn't called for.