• Story: Pipsqueak the Valiant's Adventure Journal! (Update Volume 2 Part 5!)


    [Slice of Life] This was the winner of /fic/'s last Writeoff!

    Author: Casca
    Description: A series of entries depicting Pipsqueak's life before and after arriving in Ponyville.
    Pipsqueak the Valiant's Adventure Journal! (New Vol. 2 Epilogue!)

    Additional Tags: Origins, Redemption, Innocence, No Imagination Sequences, Adventures!

    27 comments:

    1. Yay, Pipsqueak! We really need more five about him. Pirares for a day os one of my favourites.

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    2. @3p1c_d3m0n


      (⌐■_■) You are indeed first. Congratulations.

      ( •_•)_⌐■-■ You win these sunglasses.

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    3. @brony2you:
      yay!
      I accomplished something in my life!

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    4. YAY! Finally, a fanfic with Pipsqueak! Looks like a good read

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    5. I have around four fics and seven updates to read through and the list only gets bigger, going to be a busy day tommorow.

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    6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    7. "No Imagination Sequences"

      Totally sold!

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    8. I can see what he was going for with the format, but cripes is it obnoxious to read!

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    9. That ending was...strange. From the "Vol. 1," I'm assuming there's going to be a sequel? There better be, considering the description and cliffhanger ending.

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    10. Hey Casca, if you read this, the "single doc" is set to private or something.

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    11. An enjoyable read. The story was interesting and held my attention throughout, and I think the portrayal of Pip was excellent.
      My only issue is how Luna would feel about the days of the week ;)

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    12. Excellent! But please make the single doc available!

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    13. This is the best fic you guys, you have no idea omg. :D

      Pipsqueak is adorable as all get-out.

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    14. I is teh sillies. Single doc made public, and thanks guys. =D work on the sequel will start in I-have-no-idea-when. It should be soon enough, though, considering I wrote this in 3 days (but took a month to edit).

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    15. AMAZING story! Volume 1 . . . does that mean there's more to come? I hope so!

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    16. @Unknown
      There will be a Vol. 2. It will be considerably longer, and it will be potentially epic, for only good can come out of sketching outlines during Maths lecture. =D

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    17. It was very nice :) It was, maybe here and there, a bit too dark (it reminded me of Derpy's "Bubbles" and I did not want this to be "Bubbles") and it always becomes a bit tricky when it comes to altering existing characters (though it worked out nicely here) but it was well written and interesting regardless. I think this is the kind of past we'd all like Pip to have.

      I really liked Red Jacket and was rooting for himk to become a pirate with Pip someday or something :D

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    18. That was a nice twist in the Epilogue, I didn't see it coming because I was focused on the impending twist relating to Pip's father.

      Good story, bloody short, and it really wants a sequel, but it stands well on it's own.

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    19. @Celestia That's all? My list is around 20 yet to read and following 17.

      Thank Celes-... you... that I'm a speed reader!

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    20. Odd format, with the interconnected Google Docs, but... meh *shrug*.

      -----

      Part 1 to 9 :

      >then he was tole to write
      -‘’told’’ (small error)

      >my uniform was and I tole them
      -...Again ‘’told’’.
      Are the various missing ‘’ , ‘’ and NUMEROUS random small errors, supposed to be ‘him’ making errors as he write in his journal ?
      If yes... that’s really not necessary, seriously. Just because it’s a ‘’young pony’’ writing doesn’t excuse for lazy writing like that.

      >“What did they do to mares that they caught?” And Miss Lucky replied, “Pirate things.”
      >“Wait till you’re older”
      -Even human pirates didn’t always ‘’do stuff’’ with the captured women... She could have told them that pirates held them for ransoms, between other things.

      >Miss Lucky tole us to
      -Errrg... for real now... Dumb small errors like that AREN’T cute or anything !
      The ‘’way’’ Pipsqueak talks and chooses his words is perfectly fine, for showing that he’s young, without all those errors... which I REALLY hope aren’t intentional (though, if they aren’t intentional, then it’s just lazy writing...)

      >The stallions were ponies who lost a lot to her, which means they’re sore losers, and need to stand in the corner
      -Well, that’s one of the first he says, that a kid would say and that is relatively funny too.

      >Cherry Pip accidentally hit me so she had to walk the plank, for mutiny
      -More of that, and less dumb intentional/lazy errors, and this would be perfect.

      >The Canterlot pegasuses are slow in coming
      -It’s... ‘’pegasi’’...
      This is getting annoying fast now...

      -----

      Well, it’s wasn’t bad... but, it was crippled with so many errors, it was slightly annoying to read.
      Seriously... Bad grammar and stuff ISN’T a style of writing!..even if writing a child character. It’s all in the way the character speaks and chooses his words and expressions, not in the number of error you can leave behind...



      Epilogue :

      >If he isn’t, then I can sign the official papers of residency for them with a clean conscience. If they’re not, they have to go.
      -Well... Mayor Mare just comes off has a political ass there, really.
      They have dealt with Dragons, an Ursa, a cockatrice, other bad creatures, and 2 godlike entities... I think they can handle a few bandits.

      >She took out a bottle from a drawer, followed by a pair of brilliant red dice.
      >Well, well, Pipsqueak,” muttered Mayor Mare to herself. “I wonder if you can still recognize me after so long.
      -Seriously... I really don’t get that idea ? I mean, to make ‘Mayor Mare’, that random ‘Lucky Die’ OC ?
      There’s also the problem of the, you know, indelible and permanent cutie mark... Mayor Mare has a scroll, not really a ‘die’ or anything related to luck or ‘’winning lots of money’’... So, that don’t quite work.

      -----

      Epilogue was ‘ok’. At least, it wasn’t riddled with errors... though I’m not sure about making ‘Mayor Mare’ into a random OC ?

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    21. @Nova25
      I was wondering how long it would take someone to gripe about the 'tole'. It's lampshaded at the end of the first volume even.

      This is Pipsqueak's journal. He's the one writing it. A five year old kid has a certain way of speaking, writing, spelling, that is reflected beautifully in this piece. It is intentional and is a style of writing, when meant to capture the voice of a character. You're really missing out if you've let that keep you from enjoying this work.

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    22. Time to start replying to comments because you guys are awesome. =D

      @Saven Whooves
      There are actually a handful of Pipsqueak fics, with "Pirate for a Day" being the most outstanding in my memory (it's pretty good). Mine is the only one (that I know of) without imagination sequences at all.

      @iisaw
      Heh. Reading about a child's imagination, while cute and a considerable exercise in descriptive skill, is not quite my thing, and me writing ala imagination tends to produce a lot weirder things. 'sides, I love the view of the world through a child's eyes just the way it is. Everything is an adventure!

      @Chromosome
      Says the dude with the colour fic. =P but srsly, you have Pre-reader #6EQUJ5 to thank for the single doc. Wouldn't have occured to me that people were willing to/would rather read 5k in one sitting.

      @ZebrasArePoniesToo
      Remedied with swift haste. Thanks for telling me. I knew I had forgotten something. =s

      @Dubs Rewatcher
      @Unknown
      @Mattatatta
      Originally, I hadn't planned for a sequel. My reviewer, Jmoz, came up with an awesome idea for it though. Took me a few weeks to accept it, but when I did, I played around with it and I love it to bits now.

      @Tin Can
      @Present Perfect
      @Vree
      Thank you for the compliments. =D
      I'm glad that I've tainted at least one of you with my origins stuff. *cackle evilly*

      @Nova25
      Seems like I've picked up a follower. ;) Yes, the errors were deliberate. They were an excuse for not polishing during the Write-Off; the original draft did not even have quotation marks for dialogue! I was applying not only an assumed child's mindset, but also a child's writing - I myself made tons of run-ons before I was told that it was a pain to read, and I drew from ecetera experiences. I would have made tautologies every paragraph, too, if that had not been too much work, heh.

      You will notice, though, that Lucky Die was not described at all, nor is the level of magic/tech. Just as I have merrily danced off Derpy being an alicorn, so I shall waltz an explanation for this. Possibly. But thank you still; I know first-hand the effort of typing up a comment with exmaples, and I do appreciate it.

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    23. @Present Perfect
      Oh, I read the story alright.
      It was interesting.
      But, it was also slightly annoying, near the end.

      Also... a massive quantity of errors IS a ''style'' ?
      It's may be a journal ''written'' by him, but the ''story'' is still read by Us.

      A way to show his young age, to make his ''written actions'' properly convey the young mind of a character *isn't*... or shouldn't be by a huge influx of errors and wrong grammar ; but, by the choice of words of Pipsqueak, by the way he chooses to formulate them, by the author's choice of words in order to show the *young character's mentality* to us...

      The way Pipsqueak ''spoke'' was already pretty good at showing his young age/personality, absolutely, but the important amount of errors is simply unnecessary and rather distracting, honestly.

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    24. @Yours sincerely
      Follower ?
      Yours sincerely ? Seems familiar.

      Also, above it says : Author: Casca
      ...which leads to : ...The Life and Times of Caughlin Mare... wait ?

      Both are the same, and you changed your author's name or something, recently ?
      I don't recall ''casca'' being your... name?

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    25. @Nova25
      "Yours Sincerely" is my gmail/blogger name. I love it too much to toss away, although "Casca" is my alias for almost everything else online (mainly fanfiction). =)

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