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Author: ambion
Description: "Sure - everyone knows that Twilight is, well, an egghead, but that's just her way. But not knowing the joy of hoofball? It just ain't natural! With the two most athletic (and competitive) ponies in Ponyville setting up to give Twilight one heck of an introduction, can the ponies keep their eyes on the ball, or will this be a crash course destined for tree sap?
Kickers
Additional Tags: soccer, competition, "game's on everypony!" pre-game jitters, adorkably out of her league
18 comments:
Not sure if want, I will give it a read anyways.
ReplyDeletepost a comment
ReplyDeletei sure will
f u so much! >:O
ReplyDeletestory - not read
ReplyDeletepicture - enjoyed...greatly
I got nothing better to do but read random pony fanfiction. I am SO bored. Seems good so far.....
ReplyDelete@Bombedrumbum
ReplyDeleteI know right? Can't wait for episode 3 to come out.
Hey, seems pretty interesting so far. Maybe a bit of work on your grammar and spacing, a lot of lines seemed to randomly start over again. Plus I think you might've used the word 'orchard' a bit too much in a few lines in there, but aside from that this was an enjoyable read and I look forward to where this is going.
ReplyDeleteRarity? Playing hoofball!? Gracious!
The pic reminds me of Mario Strikers...
ReplyDeleteFun start. 5 stars for CMC being adorable. Don't leave em out of the rest, even if they only get to be cheerleaders or refs.
ReplyDeleteThis guy reminds me of Terry Pratchet.
ReplyDeleteI can tell, this is going to be great.
This could be interesting...I wonder what the positions will be? RD would definitely be striker, and I can't imagine AJ playing D in a 3-on-3 game, but what about the others?
ReplyDelete@Kroqgar
ReplyDeleteSecond.
Cute story thus far, but it could use some tweaking in the structural department - both for minor fixes and for improved readability.
And yeah...I crashed face-first into that wall of ORCHARDORCHARDORCHARD too, though honestly it's a pretty minor quibble. :P
@banannagram
ReplyDeleteYou have just won my heart. All of it. Terry Pratchett is my favourite author of all time. I'm so happy!
And this is my first fic to get up ever, on the internet, so I really appreciate the criticisms since I know I need them, thanks alot everyone! I've got a completed fic passed through to show up soon as well called "The Pie not Squared." Shameless self advertising I know, but I hunger for feedback (terrible).
Ambion already knows that I really enjoyed this story. It's awesome to see it up!
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of this story. It'll be interesting to see where it goes.
ReplyDeleteSo far the CMCs bits are my favorite and I look forward to more of their antics.
You know, I like this story. I really do. And I think right from the start with "CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PHILOSOPHERS, YAY!" I knew I'd like it.
ReplyDeleteI really have to say this... I like it because everybody is so perfectly in character. It follows a well paced logical progression with ample detail and everybody is just so PERFECTLY in character.
If you're wondering why I'm stressing the in-character so much it's because there is one other sports-based story on here I read that I really can't stand called "Equestria Hockey League," which started out seriously out of character and remained so throughout... well as far through the story as I could persevere. It got really stupid only three chapters in to the point where I felt it was insulting my intelligence. My roomate/best friend, Sumo Unicorn and I could only make it about halfway through chapter three we were falling on the floor in a mixture of shame, indignation, and utter hilarity at its sheer idiocy. Neither my roomate nor I ever wrote a review on it because it seemed like all the fans just wanted to see some hockey though and I guess that's alright. If they're sportsfans they're sportsfans.
...somehow I think I'll get yelled at by the fans of that story for this past paragraph, but anyway...
I really like this story because it doesn't bother to take the shortcuts that Equestria Hockey League did and it really shows. The characters are competent, intelligent, and in character. The pacing is steady, not to fast but certainly not slow. There are a lot of funny jokes, and it doesn't do any real pandering or anything. This is a smart fic. It's really intelligent and it's fun. And I'm glad that somebody realizes that just because a story is about sports still means that you need to give it real thought.
@Dusty the Royal Janitor
ReplyDeleteOh wow, thank you. I'm glad you like it!
I have the story in mind with it being as much, if not more so the build up and anticipation of the game than the actual action itself.
That's praise I'm not sure I deserve. Thanks for thinking the characters are, as it were, in character.
I'm not sure how soon I'll have the next chapter up, and I've got a few other odds and ends in various stages of writing too, but I'll be sure to make it sooner rather than later.
So I think I'm technically trolling... but what the hay, let's do it.
ReplyDeleteFirstly - Kickers chapter 2 is underway and making steady progress though it's a ways off from completion: was working on other things which are now up, and while I have -more- other things I'm working on too, at least Kickers is in the mix too.
-I'm looking for a few readers willing to help me out with editing and pre-reading various things so as to help me improve my story writing and the products of such. Please contact me at imambion@gmail.com if you're interested in this. Greatly appreciated.-