[Sad]
Author: Nicknack
Description: Friendship lasts forever.Heart of Gold, Feathers of Steel
Right?Three years ago, Gilda and Rainbow Dash became fast friends at Junior Speedsters' Flight Camp. Time took its toll, though, and the pair drifted apart.When Gilda tries to reconnect with her not-so-long lost friend, she'll discover that things can change a pony after three years: a new home, new job, and new friends.
Summer Days
Evening Flames
August Fifteenth (New!)
533 comments:
Sorry about the permission bullshit. That was my bad. Everything should be back to normal now.
ReplyDelete@colt45ws
Heh, I'm glad you finally gave it a chance and you liked it. :)
As for the ending... I was confused for a few days as to how I wanted to end the story. I knew Gilda would end up with Dash at her mercy, but I was wondering when Gilda's rationality would return: in time, or too late?
Part of me wants to write the alternate ending to the story, but I definitely settled on showing what would have happened to Gilda (during the dream in Chapter 3) if she had carried through with it.
No comment on the other apparition in her dream, though; that is another possibility for her future. :)
Woot, new chapter! This is one of the only fanfictions I've "followed" and continued to read. I have read hundreds and hundreds of fanfictions of different fandoms, so there ya go!
ReplyDeletePlease new chapter soon... please. I need more interesting Gilda-centric, first-person, awesomness.
From a die-hard fanfiction reader, who is not easily pleased, who has never before eagerly awaited fic updates... just know that these complements are not given lightly. Good show!
I think this is the first time that true definitive numbers have been given for the size of the griffon tribes... man those are small numbers.
ReplyDelete*sigh* *grumble* *grumble* ....... No I'm not saying what I'm grumbling about.
Liked how Gilda automatically assumed Starfall's wife died. It shows her view on just what getting attacked by a griffon means.
Glad to see that Gilda has acquired a solution to her walking problem.
As always, a great chapter. I looked forward eagerly to the next.
@dinc
ReplyDeleteI slowed up a bit on Chapter 6, but I should be putting the finishing touches on my first draft tonight (which is a misnomer, because it's the draft after my rough draft)... I'd say look for it to be up here by Monday night.
I'm glad you're enjoying it, though. :)
@Specter Von Baren
*sigh* *grumble* *grumble* ....... No I'm not saying what I'm grumbling about.
I won't press, but if it's a concern about the story or something I'm doing wrong, then the only way for me to possibly fix it in upcoming chapters would be by making me aware of it.
Yeah, those are some small numbers for the tribes. To be fair, the Megaftero tribe, while slightly smaller in total numbers, is a lot more genetically diverse (because its numbers aren't inflated by just the one family being enormous) and economically/technologically active.
Thank you kindly, and I also hope that chapter 6 will be up soon.
Sweet Christmas, a (fairly) short comment? The horror!
ReplyDeleteUnreliable narrators are the best kind of narrators, I think. I like the idea that Gilda immediately jumped to the conclusion that Starfall's wife was killed in the attack, and I'm almost giddy with anticipation about how the reveal that she wasn't (and, even moreso, the other reveal) will be handled.
In a more reserved note, there were a lot of neat little touches in this chapter. I liked the flashback with Gerard and the "taboo" that it was implying, and that Gilda felt honour-bound to not divulge it even though there wouldn't be any real consequences to doing so.
Finally, I liked the crisis of conscience that Gilda is attempting to fight off regarding her connection with her race. Along those lines, I thought it was pretty clever to have it so that Gilda basically had to force herself to keep from being snarky throughout the dinner conversation, because it kind of belies the predicament she thinks she has put herself in. Specifically, I have to imagine that Gilda in the beginning of Heart of Gold would not have been so worried about holding her tongue when the situation presented itself (if at all), so I think that character development acts as a sort of proof (in addition to the thing regarding Dash) that she already knows where she stands about it but just doesn't understand it yet.
All told, another great chapter.
Dread inbound. That section about how the Gryphons could easily overpower their defenses is filling me with a distinct sense of foreboding.
ReplyDeleteAs mentioned by others, I'm looking forward to the revelation that Starfalls wife is partially mounted on G's dad's wall. Just wondering, but will we see the apprentice farrier again?
Loved this chapter btw :P
'Dread inbound. That section about how the Gryphons could easily overpower their defenses is filling me with a distinct sense of foreboding.'
ReplyDeleteWell said Spell Nexus, I have the same sinking feeling.
To the author, Nick Nack, your knowledge of the 'modus operandai' of guards is rather surprising. I happen to be in the armed guard sector of life here in Virginia. One thing you might want to keep in mind, if any of the characters ever goes to use 'lethal force' is what's called the 'Three Tiers of Force' Those are as follows:
1. Ability
2. Opportunity
3. Intent
1. Ability: is the suspect capable of doing grievous bodily harm to a person or persons under your protection. (with a weapon or an unusually good physical build)
2. Opportunity: is the suspect in a situation where a reasonable person (victim) might logically believe there is some kind of plausible threat to their life or well-being.
3. Intent: is the suspect actively carrying out actions that threaten to grievous harm to a person or persons under your protection.
NOTE: when utilizing lethal force, 'I was afraid for my life' NEVER works in court in real life.
Just to let you know, I LOVE this series. (that statement is generally reserved for a total of seven other fics, I've read almost all of the stories here on Equestria Daily B.T.W. so this is not a hollow statement)
Please continue writing more and more, I look forward the the rest of this story with bated breath.
New chapter = aweseomeness. This is the only fic I've "followed" in my career as a fanfic reader. Great job, and please more chapters!
ReplyDeleteIf that flashback with her brother Gerard is implying what I think it is, then no wonder his first instinct would be to kill her. Im betting the punishment for killing his sister would be less than if that little tidbit got out. His father would go thermonuclear Im sure.
ReplyDelete@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteHeh. It's funny you bring up 'location foring Gilda's politeness...'
You'll see what I mean in a few days.
@Spell Nexus
The apprentice farrier is one of three tribute characters (in this story) to the people who help me with ideas, wording, and overall "not making this story suck." My works aren't bad when they're first coming off the line, but they are pretty raw nonetheless.
@Truthseeker
The thing with the defenses is... Gilda's just noting on the pointlessness of it all (and vicariously, the pointlessness of ponies being afraid of her). They're basically defending themselves against a race that is 'aggressively defensive', but defensive nonetheless. Gilda's tribe doesn't want to end up like the Schnelfluge, at any rate.
As a guard, though... your complimenting my knowledge of guards' workings is equally surprising (but very much relieving / appreciated)! In order to get things right, I basically envisioned how big the city is, divvied it up into 'districts', and then worked with numbers and timing in order to get the whole thing to make sense, in terms of numbers. As for the law, they're a small enough city where there doesn't need to be THAT much bureaucratic overhead for the guards to dispense justice, so I sort of go by a 'punishment fits the crime' sort of deal.
I'll keep in mind your Three Tiers, though; something may or may not be coming up in future chapters that involves the use of 'lethal force'.
@dinc
I'm taking a break for lunch right now, but yeah, then it's right back to chapter 6. I want to finish chapter 11 / the Epilogue before classes start to pick up, so I'm kind of pushing myself as hard as I can within reason to get things done fast while maintaining the quality standards I hold myself to.
@colt45ws
Well, there wouldn't have been any consequences for killing his sister, basically. She'd been thrown out in the Everfree to basically 'do or die'. So if she didn't come back, yeah, her father would look for her, but if Gerard hid the body / made it look like she lost a fight with something, his father really wouldn't have a reason to suspect anything. You're also right in your implications of the fact that, if he gets 'outed', he'll wish he could die so relatively peacefully. Yet, he hesitates because, even though they don't really get along, he feels strange about not only killing another griffin, but one that's a family member of his.
A brilliant story, I enjoyed both Heart of Gold and Summer Days very much and can't wait for the next chapters of the latter. Once I started reading the stories, I really couldn't pull myself away, bravo, sir.
ReplyDelete@Vrtra
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly. I'm putting the finishing touches on chapter six while I'm starting up on chapter seven; here's hoping I can keep this pace up until it's over, eh?
@Sun Ray
Heh. In my head, he's got the voice of Uther the Lightbringer from Warcraft 3, and Starfall's got the voice of Arthas Menethil. No connection to the characters, except for a slight mirroring of their personalities.
Excellent Story!!!!! This has been my primary reference guide on how to write a good fanfiction XD, never having tried writing a fanfiction before, this has been an immense help!!! Thanks for writing such a good read
ReplyDelete@miles
ReplyDeleteThank you. :)
I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Ponychan's /fic/ board, though: over the past few months, they've helped me (in what I hope is a somewhat balanced 'give and take' relationship) shape parts of this story that I was having trouble with and kept a lot of my bad ideas in check.
But yeah, here's the link. Make sure you read the stickied post before putting anything up for review; there's also a pretty decent writing guide there to get you started.
Good luck, and happy writing!
Something just occurred to me. Where in the timeline of the rest of the series fit in? Cos I'd find a post sonic-rainboom letter from dash hilarious :P
ReplyDelete@Sun Ray STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM! Nopony breaks the law on MY watch!
Oops, I derp'd the sentence. *Where does this story fit in, in relation to the rest of the series?*
ReplyDelete@Spell Nexus
ReplyDeleteThe way I'm playing it is that Dash pulling off the Rainboom in chapter 5 is what gives her the inspiration to try and do it for the Best Young Flier's competition. That happens on a Sunday, during mid-June (the dinner date in chapter 5 takes place on Saturday, June 03, for reference).
Dash won't really mention it in a letter, though. That's the kind of story you tell someone in person. ;)
@Nick Nack Ooh, dash showing up in person? That could make for some amusing incidents. Especially if she has to obey the "No Fly Zone" thingummy. I can't help but think that she and Iron are going to butt heads at some point or another, whether over the wing-thing or Irons new, shall we say, "interests"
ReplyDeleteWaiting with bated breath :P
Chapter 6:
ReplyDeleteGlad to at least have a good meal inside me
-Sounds a little small for her even if the quality was good.
Probably a bigger obstacle than the fact that we didn’t know each other was the fact that he was in a relationship with my brother
-I would think that if they never went in for polygamy, then they would have made male homosexuality forbidden as well after the curse or whatever it was.
I wasn’t sure about a family, but I made a treaty with my mind that I would worry about that part of dating at another point in the future.
-You saying gryphons might be inter-fertile with a pony? Perhaps resulting in hippogryph children? This is unexpected to me, but it fits the mood of the show I guess.
My usual approach to morality was useless: none of my tribe’s myths centered around any sort of unconventional romances.
-Ok, so they IF they have any sort of tradition of male homosexuality, it was/is SO common that it isn't even remarkable.
At the same time, I remembered what my tribe’s law used to say about how to deal with my brother and Stephen if they were discovered.
-Ah, I see!
I woke up Saturday morning when somepony knocked on my door.
-Sudden POV change is sudden. Took me a few sentences to clue in on what was happening. Maybe put "Rainbow Dash", bolded, on a line by itself at the top of a section? I THINK that something vaguely like that is how I have seen it done in other works (the thicker Animorphs books come to mind).
Still, if I could pull it off at the upcoming Best Young Flier competition, I’d win for sure!
-Time reference good...
“And as much as it hurts me to say, Rainbow, I just don’t feel the same way about you.”
-Saw this coming when Rainbow was leaving out names. Didn't make it less funny or clever.
“And as much as it hurts me to say, Rainbow, I just don’t feel the same way about you.”
-Set up for letter being delayed and Gilda thinking that Rainbow didn't make responding a priority, or just to provide a logical train of thought for what comes directly after it?
@Spell Nexus
ReplyDeleteHeh, I'm a bit too boring of a writer to have a threeway romance going on.
@Draco Dei
You saying gryphons might be inter-fertile with a pony?
Well, no. I'm not saying that. That's how English and Greek mythology works, though. Good point, though, I need to make that more vague.
Sudden POV change is sudden. Took me a few sentences to clue in on what was happening. Maybe put "Rainbow Dash", bolded, on a line by itself at the top of a section?
Fair enough, I went back and gave like three more hints about who and where it is before the narrator gets name-dropped. I don't want to start doing names every time I do a perspective shift, though; that's just... tacky, in my opinion.
The only question I have is how your writing improves every single chapter. I mean, most people would have reached their high point already, but you just keep climbing in quality.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah. Hippogriffs
ReplyDeleteNew chapter! I was giddy with excitement reading it, and I was not disappointed. You make things interesting while keeping within 1st person. I think that's cool.
ReplyDeleteAny chance you're gonna...post ten chapters at once in the next few hours? Cause I could totally clear my schedule for that.
I don´t really understand why Dash expelled gilda from ponyville and why she hasn´t discussed and solved everything with all the others. This is bullshit!
ReplyDelete@Party Favors
ReplyDeleteIn terms of technique, I'm getting more and more practice every day. In terms of story... I'm finally getting to cash in on some stuff that I established in the earlier chapters / get to play with my fun ideas.
Thank you either way.
@David Johnston
Perhaps. Perhaps not. Who is to say?
@dinc
Well, I hate to be a killjoy, but the chances of that happening are nonexistant. It takes about 10-12 hours per chapter, and I'm 3/4 the way through chapter 7's rough draft right now, which means I'm less than halfway done.
Basically, it'd take me 3 days straight of writing to finish the story from this point, but I think that the writing quality would suffer.
@Daluz
Gilda hasn't gotten around to it because she can't forgive herself for what she did to Dash. Dash hasn't gotten around to it because she can't forgive herself for what she did to Gilda.
So, first things first:
ReplyDeleteOh boy! We got Dash!
*girlish fangirl squee*
I will agree with the sentiment above that it was a bit confusing when she first popped up, because I assumed that it had switched to Bulwark instead (which seemed logical based on how it played out in previous chapters) and then basically went "wait, what?" when it went off on its own thing.
Some pretty good humour in this one. I liked how Gilda absolutely is not a silly pony and quickly came to the conclusion that Starfall would not be the right one to go to to ask about her feelings (though I would have loved to be a fly on the wall for that conversation). You even managed to pull of the "my friend is wondering" sitcom joke in a way that telegraphed it's intentions but still came off pretty chuckle worthy.
No AppleDash makes me kinda sad, though...
Anyways, I thought the disastrous dinner with Bulwark was done nicely in line with how both of them would react when the subject of Gilda's childhood inevitably came up. Her opening up for the second time in her life, him accidentally rejecting her by not believing her father could be that bad, and her completely misunderstanding his reasoning and lapsing back into her violent tendencies; it was all done very nicely. Also liked Bulwark basically being forced to draw his own conclusions when Gilda tried to keep from telling him everything, and her being surprised/relieved when he guessed right anyways.
In regards to Gilda's feelings, I like how she's slowly but surely coming to terms with her situation regarding Pony culture; but not in a way that she's actually forgetting where she came from, so she's still conflicted. She recognizes her changes, and sees that they are probably for the better, but she's scared about going through with them.
Not counting the Bulwark situation, even; because with that she's still coming to a completely logical conclusion about his feelings towards her, but it just happens to be the wrong one. And if she would take the time to think about it, she would recognize that it is the wrong one, but she's made herself incapable of thinking clearly when it comes to him with her self-doubt. And with him feeling the same way towards her, it's almost like a star-crossed lovers thing is happening.
I also liked how her mind came to the conclusion about who to ask, specifically how she didn't immediately think of Dash; and how when the PoV switch happened Dash's side of the story partially explained why Gilda didn't immediately think of Dash.
On the topic of Dash, while I'm not going to lie about how the chapter torpedoed many of the ideas that had been floating around in my head regarding her role in the story, there was some nice foreshadowing going on; and it seems like Dash was already beginning to forget to keep in contact with Gilda before Gilda's plea for help arrived.
I think that it was nice to finally get Dash's personal opinion/reaction regarding what had happened on that day (and Applejack chewing Dash out over it was something that I didn't expect either), as well as the expansion of her feelings regarding the ultimatum she handed down to Gilda and how much Dash hated that she felt it had to be done. I'd also completely forgotten about the rainboom Dash did in Chapter 5 of Heart of Gold, and it hadn't crossed my mind to think that might be the reason that Dash was re-inspired to do the rainboom during Episode 16. Pretty clever way of tying this plot and setting into the show proper, I think.
On one last note, Starfall is getting more interesting by the chapter, assuming that extra dickishness happened after Bulwark talked to him in the previous chapter (it might not have, but I'm not sure). I'd been wondering how Bulwark's confession would change Starfall's feelings towards Gilda, and it seems like his response is to raise the heat even more.
All told, more please.
this is a really great set of stories, and you should be proud!
ReplyDeleteThis is easily one of the best Gilda stories I've ever read. Seriously, I've been following this fic from day one, and I am loving it.
ReplyDeleteAh, surprisingly, it was rather nice to see Gilda's temper show itself again.
ReplyDelete... Huh, so Applejack talks to plants, so it wasn't just Bloomberg.
Thank God. A fic where Rainbow Dash and Appljack are straight!
Hhm... Is that ending suggesting what I think it's suggesting?
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteBah, curse my transitions.
I liked how Gilda absolutely is not a silly pony and quickly came to the conclusion that Starfall would not be the right one to go to to ask about her feelings (though I would have loved to be a fly on the wall for that conversation).
I'm glad to see you liked the reference I threw in for you. Well, you and the other people who noted that it was a terrible idea for Iron to go to Starfall, but I remembered you especially as one of them.
As for the conversation, he would've just said, "Get the hell away from me, beast," and been done with it.
@Crazyjay
Thank you. :)
@ToonNinja
Hee, you were my first commenter. Twice. I'm glad you're enjoying it.
@Specter Von Baren
Heh, I liked Applejack talking to the weeds. It's cute.
As for the ending, I can only answer with a definite 'maybe'.
Wow. Your characterization and pacing are [i]excellent[/i]. I'm generally not a big fanfiction reader, but, damn, definitely making an exception here! You manage to keep the characters moving in directions that fit the characters, rather than having them get pulled along by the plot; it's a trick that can be hard to pull off! The way the emotions come across is very well done as well; though the latter chapters of Golden Hearts was a little melodramatic, it was still very readable.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to Chapter seven on Summer Nights.
Heh. I appreciate the little one on one between AJ and Rainbw there. I'm wouldn't be surprised if its been done before, but it was a refreshing change none the less.
ReplyDeleteFantastic job - as a Fluttershy fan, you made what may have been one of my least favorite characters... well, still not my favorite (Fluttershy forever), but at least I am sympathetic to her now. Also, wonderful work on the griffon culture you developed for the story; German and Norse influences definitely fit!
ReplyDeleteExpect a more in-depth commentary whenever the second fic finishes - I believe in a holistic approach to reviews. =P
Quick question though: what on earth are the basis for Starfall and Maxie's names? Iron Bulwark makes absolute sense, especially paired with his cutie mark/specialty, but I can't figure out what Starfall's cutie mark could be. Is Maxie a cutesy derivative of Max Bulwark? 'Cause that'd be weeeeeird.
Thanks for writing, and keep up the good work, looking forward to next chapter etcetera etctera moar please. =D
Too many long comments...
ReplyDeleteI'll give you an easy time, don't worry.
Applejack...thought she was saying what!? Sorry, but my respect for you just rose by 20%.
@Unknown
ReplyDeleteIntentional or not, I like your alternative titles for these stories.
Thank you, and I hope to have chapter seven up soon.
@Baree
I'm wouldn't be surprised either, it's a large fandom and it's going on one year now.
@sottorosa
Starfall's name is based on his sort of corruption over time. He's not a dirty cop by any means, but he's definitely more hateful and has an easier time justifying any abuse of power that he uses now. His cutie mark is a red shooting star that also looks like it could be an animated knife slash.
Maxie is derivative of "Max Ardor." Ardor is sort of like passion or drive, meaning that she's slightly obsessive about things. Tenacious, even. She's fiercely loyal to her brother and equally hateful of griffins after hearing what happened to Starfall's wife.
No one really calls her by her full name, though. Even when Iron gets mad at her, he'll stick with "Max." It's NOT a PMS joke, I swear. Her cutie mark is an envelope that's "Sealed With A Kiss," which is symbolic of both how she's emotionally guarded and kind of a... I don't want to say "slut," but she gets around when she's in different towns on deliveries.
@banannagram
I welcome any and all comments. :)
Thank you, though, and I'm glad you enjoyed that scene.
@Nick Nack
ReplyDelete*Grin* Did you copy my typo on purpose there? I hate it when I come back to something I posted and see it riddled with typo's and such. *Facehoofs* It was late and I was on my laptop and... *lists a number of excuses*
@Nick Nack I'll be honest, I never really considered a three-way romance thing (but I bet someone else is, rule 34 and all that jazz). I was merely wondering about how Rainbow'd react to Iron (probably aggressively if I'm any judge), or how Iron would react to Rainbows unusually fierce loyalty to her friends.
ReplyDeleteI was imagining some kind of sitcom-esque "Wait, so you and dash aren't...?" moment. But that's just me, and you've probably got higher things in mind with the three of them :P
i have to say that i really like this Fic i've been reading it since it began but i had never commented and i like how this is one of the few gilda centered fanfics out there and it's amazingly good ¿but i have a question? more or less how many chapters is gonna have summer days and evening flames? either way keep up the awesome work
ReplyDeleteBy request of someone in the chat of chapter six, I have created a Ponychan thread for this story. If you want to post anonymously or prefer that site's format for posting, there you go.
ReplyDelete@Baree
Heh, no worries. Everyone makes mistakes.
@Spell Nexus
"Three-way romance"
"Rule 34"
GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD GOOD GOD NOOOOOO!!!
*ahem*
Heh, there'll be a little bit of comedy thrown in there, but nothing as grandiose as you're thinking. I hit my quota for "Rainbow Dash lesbian jokes" for this story.
@kwj
Right now, it's looking like 12 'main' chapters, plus the prologue and an epilogue. Thanks for your comment, and I'm glad you enjoyed this. :)
Comment while I'm still going along in the chapter:
ReplyDeleteI swore very loudly when Gilda ran the probability numbers of Earth Ponies having Pegasus children in her head and I realized what that meant.
Me again. Quick question: The Gryphon society in this is very clearly Germanic (as if the umlauts weren't enough clues :P) but the mythology seems to have a Nordic ring to it (Lightning/thunder is the noise of the Gods anvil, Great star bears coming down to earth, mythical wolves, etc).
ReplyDeleteIs this actually Germanic too? Or is there a hint of Viking in the Sharfkral?
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteD:
@Spell Nexus
From a few hours on Wikipedia, I came to the conclusion that ancient Germanic people have basically the same pantheon as the vikings, minus the names.
So, yes. Donar is Thor by a different name. :)
Ironically, I think this was arguably the strongest chapter of the story yet, and I can't put into words why.
ReplyDeleteshrugpony.jpg
I will say that Gilda's realizations regarding the various aspects of Starfall (that Comet Tail was his wife, that Comet Tail was his first wife, that Gilda's father was to blame) were just as wonderful as I thought they were going to be; particularly how they were the leash that kept her tempter in check during the duel. Also liked the bonus punch in the gut when Bulwark realized that his half-truths to try to protect the Starfall and Gilda from each other had caused more problems than if he had just come out with it.
I like the child like awe Bulwark had when he saw Gilda appear. "Cool!" Ha!
ReplyDeleteBleak ending. Gilda is unable to stop the letters, her father comes for her, he's held off by the city but he swears to kill her if she ever leaves it, forcing her to never fly or go anywhere else ever again.
Man, I really want to read the next part to this. Man that was an underhanded thing to do from Starfall though, attacking your opponent before they're ready, at a duel.
Oh, forgot this. Shouldn't Comet have had signs of having wings at one point? There should have been visible remains of the sockets where her wings were ripped out. I mean, you could put something in there like her wearing a saddle to hide the scars but right now I'm a little confused about it. Also, Gilda could have also come to another possible conclusion for why Comet would have pegasi children which would be that she married a pegasus so they would be half pegasi half earth pony.
ReplyDelete@Specter Von Baren
ReplyDeleteIt had been nearly a decade at that point.
In regards to Starfall's children, I think that is what Gilda was referring to; implying that Pegasus genes are recessive or something to that effect so two Pegasus children with Pegasus/Earth Pony for parents is rare.
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDelete"It had been nearly a decade at that point."
......... A decade since what?
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that all played out well for you. There was a bit of pressure to succeed when I saw your excited detective work to figure it out. :)
@Specter Von Baren
Heh. That's pretty much the reaction I would have, too, if like an eagle landed on in my backyard during a thunderstorm.
And yeah, it was kind of underhanded, but he showed up when he said he did and he waited until 2:00, so it's not like he was a complete coward about it (only mostly).
It didn't do him very much good, at any rate.
@Specter Von Baren
A decade since she got attacked by Gilda's father. There are scars there, but the doctors in Farrington were skilled, so they're under her fur. They wouldn't really be visible unless you were looking for them, and Gilda wasn't at that point in time.
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteAh, I see.
Ah, ONE MORE THING!
I was kind of hoping we would have gotten to see the argument between Bulwark and his sister from his eyes after Gilda almost ran into them. Will we get a flash back or at least a remembrance from Bulwark of what exactly was said?
Amazing update with chapter 7. It's really the little things like the German language and Griffon folklore that put the extra shine on this already great story.
ReplyDeleteMore is all I can say, MORE!
fucking starfall that's all i gotta say fucking starfall also goddamn gilda just arrghh¡¡¡¡
ReplyDeletei like this a fucking lot¡¡
i need more chapters
And it all comes out. Starfall is not only hateful, he is suicidal. Maybe not directly, but as a means to an end. To bait her into killing him so she would at the very least be unable to go back into the city because of a Warrant. Although I have no idea of how cooperative other towns might be in capturing and extraditing a killer. She mightve ended up banned from both societies.
ReplyDelete"Er fickt mich erstochen?"
ReplyDelete"He is fucking me stabbed?"
priceless
@Specter Von Baren
ReplyDeleteMore or less, he said all that needed to be said about it. It was a huge fight, and the only way he could end it well was by asking Gilda to stay away from the post office.
@Tricky Step
Danke (the like one word of German I know). :P
@kwj
Have you ever been so passionate in a comment that your exclamation points flipped over?
This guy has.
@colt45ws
Not suicidal per se; he just doesn't want to owe his life to a griffin.
@Jandalf
Eh, close enough. Lousy Google Translate, not being perfect yet.
Superior chapter, this one. Things came to a head beautifully.
ReplyDeleteThe problem is that "Er fickt mich erstochen?" makes no sense (the back-translation of Jandalf is more or less correct). While it is true that the german word for "to fuck" is "ficken", the word "ficken" is only used for having sex, not for swearing; for swearing "fuck" is used (borrowed from english).
ReplyDeleteSo a valid translation would be "Oh Fuck, er hat mich erwischt/getroffen!" ("erstochen" would mean she is dead so the word can't be used here).
But a great chapter! :-)
Awesome Chapter!!! I have to say i'm impressed with how fast your able to upload new chapters, how are you able to do it? Also loved the pacing of it!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete@Overlong Analysis Cobalt
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly, it was fun to write. :)
@DaB.
Just a question out of curiosity (I'm not insinuating or trying to start anything): how long have you been speaking German?
Also, does "Er gestochen mir!" work? "Er hat micht gestochen!" sounds too formal for some reason.
@miles
Lots of Monster. So much Monster. That, and I've got a good number of friends who give this a second (or third or fourth) set of eyes in a good amount of time.
This is gorgeous.
ReplyDelete"Summer Days..." is a really good story. I'm looking forward to see the new chapter!
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteNope, sorry, "Er gestochen mir?" doesn't work. "Er hat mich gestochen?" is the correct one. Maybe "Er hat mich getroffen/erwischt?" (He hit/got me?) works even better. I mentally connect "stechen" more to stinging bees or mosquitoes... but that might just be me thinking out of context.
Anyway, very nice chapter :)
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteGerman is my first language.
And "mir" is not a formal form of "mich", but another grammatical case (like "I" and "me"). But the following would be possible: "Er hat auf mich eingestochen".
If you need any help just ask, it would be very nice to give something back for such a wonderful story :-).
@Nick Nack Monster.... me and monster...we we don't get along, last time i had it, armageddon happened... twice, and it's great to have friends like that to review, my friend is awesome about reading and reviewing my works, but he does tear it to shreds XD
ReplyDelete@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteOh, and you're replying as well? Awesome.
I can't remember where I had heard of this, but I'm pretty sure it was either fairly closely related to EqD, post comments possibly, or a few passing mentions in ponychan. Even so, it stuck in my head that the general opinion of the story is that it is the redemption of Gilda story. I've never read Junior Speedster's Flight Camp myself, as I'm relatively new to the fandom, but it seemed to me to be the only one with anywhere close to the same reputation. That is by no means a well rounded opinion from some massive amount of people, and there's always a chance I read somebody wrong, but I'm finding only a small portion of the fanfic of this fandom gets approval on that level. Congrats!
For my part, I absolutely love it. The only problem is that the mental image of your Gilda I've built up through the fic occasionally acts differently than in the fic itself, but I attribute that to my reading as well as the fact that I don't think we've quite understoodher yet. Nothing is contradictory in the writing, I think my brain got ahead of itself creating a slightly idealized Gilda before it was time to assume anything.
I've also had a very good response from the few friends I've shown this to. My roommate is of the firm opinion that the show isn't all that good, but what it inspired in the fandom is simply magical. (Though I'd imagine he'd kill me for that word choice.) He pointed to this as a leading example. He didn't read Summer Days and Evening Flames, even so, so I can't tell how serious he was being.
Am I correct in assuming you've got this story at least loosely planned out for about twice the amount you have posted here? I can't see Gilda existing peacefully for too long before she decides to go see her tribe, task fulfilled or not. She will learn to fly properly, I'm sure. She will end up back at Ponyville for the apology, after the mental scars of that day have faded a lot.
Another interesting thought I've had recently is that the story might have a happy ending. *gasp* The gryphons aren't doomed after all? Or possibly they all die out except for the Large Feathers. (Okay, I seriously don't know why that was filed under "Happy Endings" in my head.) Possibly Gilda is going to go back to her tribe, and somehow kill her father, and set it back up with a lot more reason and culture, but probably not with her as the leader, if the gryphons were even able to accept her as one to begin with.
Well, I need to stop overthinking the future of the fic and get back to enjoying it. I still can't watch episode 5 without feeling sorry for Gilda. And I was surprised the last time I watched it that the "Just like old times!" "But a lot faster!" lines were in the original. When I read the fic, my brain put them in the part that you wrote, for fitting so well with everything.
Sorry for ranting, and thanks for continuing the story!
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteOh, and you're replying as well? Awesome.
I can't remember where I had heard of this, but I'm pretty sure it was either fairly closely related to EqD, post comments possibly, or a few passing mentions in ponychan. Even so, it stuck in my head that the general opinion of the story is that it is the redemption of Gilda story. I've never read Junior Speedster's Flight Camp myself, as I'm relatively new to the fandom, but it seemed to me to be the only one with anywhere close to the same reputation. That is by no means a well rounded opinion from some massive amount of people, and there's always a chance I read somebody wrong, but I'm finding only a small portion of the fanfic of this fandom gets approval on that level. Congrats!
For my part, I absolutely love it. The only problem is that the mental image of your Gilda I've built up through the fic occasionally acts differently than in the fic itself, but I attribute that to my reading as well as the fact that I don't think we've quite understoodher yet. Nothing is contradictory in the writing, I think my brain got ahead of itself creating a slightly idealized Gilda before it was time to assume anything.
I've also had a very good response from the few friends I've shown this to. My roommate is of the firm opinion that the show isn't all that good, but what it inspired in the fandom is simply magical. (Though I'd imagine he'd kill me for that word choice.) He pointed to this as a leading example. He didn't read Summer Days and Evening Flames, even so, so I can't tell how serious he was being.
Am I correct in assuming you've got this story at least loosely planned out for about twice the amount you have posted here? I can't see Gilda existing peacefully for too long before she decides to go see her tribe, task fulfilled or not. She will learn to fly properly, I'm sure. She will end up back at Ponyville for the apology, after the mental scars of that day have faded a lot.
Another interesting thought I've had recently is that the story might have a happy ending. *gasp* The gryphons aren't doomed after all? Or possibly they all die out except for the Large Feathers. (Okay, I seriously don't know why that was filed under "Happy Endings" in my head.) Possibly Gilda is going to go back to her tribe, and somehow kill her father, and set it back up with a lot more reason and culture, but probably not with her as the leader, if the gryphons were even able to accept her as one to begin with.
Well, I need to stop overthinking the future of the fic and get back to enjoying it. I still can't watch episode 5 without feeling sorry for Gilda. And I was surprised the last time I watched it that the "Just like old times!" "But a lot faster!" lines were in the original. When I read the fic, my brain put them in the part that you wrote, for fitting so well with everything.
Sorry for ranting, and thanks for continuing the story!
@naranjadita
ReplyDeleteThank you. The Interlude (chapter 7.5, I suppose) should be coming up tomorrow night. :)
@Wheeljack
Fuck my understanding of languages I don't know.
@DaB.
I think I will take you up on that offer. Do you have an AIM / MSN / Yahoo / Gmail account for instant messaging? I use Pidgin, so... anything, really.
What I'm getting at for 'too formal' is that sounds like it would be "He has stabbed me!" Gilda's young. She'd be using like teenage vernacular / shortening of things, at least in her natural language.
@miles
Uh... what?
As for friends tearing works apart... sometimes it's better to have one good critic than ten people praising it. I've made strides since I started writing, but I wouldn't have made as many as I have if people didn't point out my mistakes I've made along the way.
@musicssound
If there's one difference between mine and Pacce's story, it's that he's either got a less screwed up Gilda than mine, or a more screwed up Gilda than mine. Either way, she's not the precise amount of screwed up that needs the level of growth and depth that I'm giving her in Summer Days and Evening Flames. Basically, the Gilda in Junior Speedsters' Forever is supposed to be a bit more well-adjusted than mine is, in that, after the episode's events, all she needs is one letter that somehow has everything in it to make her realize her entire worldview is wrong and that she needs to apologize.
Realistic? I dunno. But he got out of his story in 17k words, so there's something to be said for that.
As for your roommate and friends, cool beans; I don't think I've heard of someone referring to this outside of the Internet before. It's always interesting to see all the places that this story ends up.
I agree with most of his sentiments, though: the show is pretty good (despite some of the voice actors annoying me, but it's a little girl's show... it's... going to happen), but the sheer amount of creativity that is has caused among people...
This story is the first thing I've ever written, unless you discount the bullshit stories I wrote in like first grade.
Let's hope he's not just pulling a fast one on both of us with sarcasm, huh?
As for your predictions / extrapolations about where the plot is going... Gilda can already fly properly. Her main shortcomings previously were lack of confidence and depression; more or less, she's undergoing endurance training with all that armor at this point. :)
Some of your predictions overlap with what I've got planned out in the next story; some don't. That's... an interesting 'happy' ending, though, where everyone dies. <_>
As for the scenes from the episode, the dialogue and facial expressions should be a 1:1 mapping, or as close as possible. The part that stands out in my mind is when Gilda closes her eyes, so she doesn't see Dash throwing her arms out, going, "Come ON," but that's because her eyes were shut.
Well, can't beat the short and sweet English "He stabbed me!?" in German. "Er stach mich?" wold be the only thing, that also just needs three syllables - but past tense for something that just happened isn't correct either (although this might come off as royally formal - I can imagine Prince Blueblood saying that ^^).
ReplyDeleteI'd say, go with DaB.'s "Er hat auf mich eingestochen".
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteI will send you my email-adress and my instant messaging-contact by mail (I found your mail-address in your blogger-profile).
If you need a more colloquial sentence you could also use "Er hat versucht mich abzustechen!". It depends a little bit about what Gilda tries to complain: That Starfall tried to kill her or that he "just" hit her shoulder; and if she just describe it dryly or if she screams it at somebody.
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteHeh, actually, I'm the friend miles there is talking about. I forgot I referred him to your story as well. He seems to be enjoying it, at any rate.
Alright, as for why that ending was under happy, I was thinking that the other two tribes were less likely to survive, so it might have been comparatively happy to have the best adjusted and diverse tribe survive, with the last few survivors from the other tribes, and keep the griffin cultures alive.
Ooh! I know! Another griffin gets banished under similar terms to Gilda, and they meet up. Only thing is it would more than likely be another girl if I read the tribe politics right.
I will admit that I wouldn't have gone anywhere near the show without it having this good of a fandom. Novil, writer for Sandra and Woo, was the one who planted the first serious seed that got me to watch. But once I heard Lauren headed the series, there was no way I wasn't going to try it. I don't know how I got past episode 3, seriously. But by episode 7, I was hooked on the show by it's own merits.
Damnit.
ReplyDeleteEver time this updates I wish I could give it another 5 stars.
It just gets better and better...
ReplyDeleteDammit, Starfall! WHY U SO INTERESTING? I want so much to hate him, and every chapter he's in gives me a fantastic new reason to do so; but at the same time it gives me a new reason to understand why he's so fucked up (or, as was the case in this chapter, at the very least pity him). Still looking forward to the big reveal, too; though with how emotionally fragile Starfall is I'm starting to wonder whether Sherry and Bulwark will conspire to keep him in the dark about it.
ReplyDeleteAlso interesting to see that Maxie suffers from a whole encyclopedia of problems, which I suppose had been implied for a little while but never quite to this extent (though, thankfully, I think this chapter may have been enough to get those old, original-ending preconceptions out of my head).
Also, it's a complete cliche to phrase this in this way, but Sherry's inner demons make me wonder how impartial she actually will be towards Gilda. Probably more than Bulwark, obviously, but I haven't forgotten how she beat the shit out of that goon that Gilda brought in a couple of chapters ago; and her reasoning for doing so (and Gilda's role in that situation) make me question her compassion. Not in the "Sherry is an uncaring bitch" way, but in the "Gilda did me a solid and asked for nothing in return, so should I call in her favor without her asking" way.
A question, though. What makes this chapter different from the other ones? Or, put another way, why is this Chapter 7.5 rather than Chapter 8? Is it because it is the midway point, or because it switches viewpoints between almost all of the major players rather than be Gilda/Bulwark-centric, or even something else?
Hhm... If I read this right, then Starfall didn't throw his knife at Gilda at the start of the fight but the sheath for it.
ReplyDeleteWhy is this chapter called an Interlude though? Aside from it taking place from more perspectives than usual, it seems like a normal chapter.
@Wheeljack
ReplyDeleteHmm... this is very tricky. Usually, I get to play with the wording to make it fit the scenario, but in a different language, yeah, there's not much I can do on my own. :|
@DaB.
Received, I will be sending you a message shortly. :)
@musicssound
You have interesting theories. :) I will say this, and only this: the Megaftero tribe has an actual economy and interfaces with the rest of the world, so they also have the farthest advances of technology among the three tribes. With only one real goal for scientific, they are the most likely to survive. But... I'll also mention that there's a difference between 'surviving' and 'thriving'.
As for the show... the first moment I actually felt a deep connection to any of the characters was during episode 5, when Gilda screams at Fluttershy and made her run off, crying (I didn't realize she FLIES off until I started writing this). Dragonshy was awesome, though.
@Dev_Null
Heh, thank you. If I can be pedantic for one sentence, I really wonder if the people who disliked the prologue / chapter one have come back to read it, and if their opinions have changed.
@Party Favors
Thank you.
Here's hoping I can keep the same quality up for the remaining five chapters. :)
@TenchiFreak5
Heh... eight chapters in, and I'm finally starting to go in a new direction from the old ending.
As for 'Sherry and Iron' conspiring to keep him in the dark, Iron didn't tell Sherry that. So far, it's just him and Gilda who know.
As for Sherry's impartiality... it wouldn't be the first time that Iron's made an imperfect decision when visiting someone at night when he's under duress. He made the right call, but you're right, she's also slightly biased.
@Specter Von Baren
Yep. He done faked her out. A little more honorable than starting with a kill-shot, but not really.
As for why this is an Interlude and not Chapter 8... basically, this chapter deals ONLY with the events that happen within an hour or so (minus time spent unconscious) after the previous chapter ended. The scope is fairly limited, and this is really five character studies, instead of actual plot advancement. Because really, other than "Gilda patched up her wounds and Sherry's going to be punishing Gilda tomorrow," nothing essential to the plot really happened, or at least, not much more than the usual 'behind the scenes transitions' that I usually do.
.....Crud. Thanks to this, I don't hate Gilda anymore.
ReplyDelete......I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing yet.
@Nick Nack Yes i agree with that, its also good for developing tough skin, a much needed attribute in the writing and entertainment business. But i apologize for my friend writing that novel for you (musicssound) He gets ahead of himself a lot. By the time he finishes the first chapter of anything he has already thought ahead to the end of the book. _~_ I haven't read the interlude yet, and i might post something about it after i do, music told me that you do a lot of perspective shifts throughout, the chapter/interlude. So I'm pretty excited about reading it. Also One question, don't spoil anything, but i would like to know what kind of ending your leaning towards Gilda having, tragedy, happy, or just a kind of ending that says "oh this book maybe over but my life is beggining" <-- that kinda ending always manages to irk me (never enough resolution in it), but whatever the ending is i look forward to it, with bated breath (btw sorry for the novel)
ReplyDeletemmm, I have thought that the relation between Iron and his sister (or better: His sister and him) is a lot better. True, she made it clear from the start that she doesn't like Gilda but calling Iron an idiot because he can't throw Gilda out of the town? (I wonder if she knew about THEIR relation-ship – I guess not).
ReplyDelete@musicssound
I discovered MLP from Novil too :-) (I had vague memories from the 80ties too).
@Blackbelt
ReplyDeleteI don't know, either. I mean, technically, she's still unrepentant and petty about everything that she did in Ponyville, and now she's breaking the law for personal vendettas. So, liking her is perhaps a dangerous route to take, because really, she loses control of her emotions fairly easily. Who's to say that someone isn't going to end up dead because she doesn't restrain herself in time?
@miles
Heh, no worries. I like long comments, they give me something to talk about more than 'thank you'. Which, I don't mind saying 'thank you', but I do enjoy talking about my story. :)
As for the ending... it's going to wrap up the events in this story. It's sort of impossible to have a good, realistic ending that doesn't imply that 'my life is going on after this book's over'. I mean, Sam had a family to go back to at the end of Lord of the Rings, so he continued on with his life after the book ended.
I mean, maybe I'm jaded, but I know that Gilda's jaded enough that she's not just going to say, "And we lived happily ever after." So... I guess if I had to choose between "tragedy, happy, or open-ended," it's going to be the third option.
I'll try to do it well, though.
@DaB.
She doesn't know just yet.
As for calling Iron stupid... she is incredibly drunk for that scene. And it's also barely been a day since their last huge fight, and they haven't really made up over it. So she's an unreliable narrator to the... max?
I'm a bad person for making that pun.
I wonder what's in store for Gilda and Starfall
ReplyDeletein one side starfall assaulted Gilda while they were both on duty, and then Gilda went and had a "Duel to the death" with him for her own revenge reasons because she couldn't control her emotions and broke his wings but Starfall went with his armor so he's going to get punished as a guard I guess.
also something I noticed is that one chapter ago Starfall didn't seem to care too much about his own life is he really that careless abut his life or was he in kind of suicidal mode?? and how is this gonna affect Iron relationship with both his best friend and Gilda her girlfriend??
and is his relation with his sister that wrecked or is she just being dramatic because their fight was recently and she is far from home listening polka at 3 a.m?? so many questions¡¡¡
please go on with this story
So I just got done reading the "intermission". All in all I thought this made for a pretty good breather period that focused more on the character's themselves than on the overarching plot, all without feeling “padded out” or otherwise contrived. I definitely enjoyed the chance to get peak at the inner monologues of your secondary characters. I have to admit I was kind of hoping Starfall might have at least come a little closer to accepting Gilda after having his life spared by her* but his thoughts in the hospital seem to pretty well josh any chance of that happening. Also I literally cringed when this chapter revealed just what Maxie has been doing on her trips to Stalliongrad**, and I can only hope that someone or something can help pull her out of the emotional rut she seems to be in, since there’s no way that sort of reckless lifestyle can end well for her. Heh, it seems with all this angst and emotional turmoil it’s too bad Farrington doesn’t seem to have any practicing consolers available. Anyway I really like the way you’ve gone and fleshed out Gilda’s character, as well as the complex and interesting OCs you’ve woven together. I definitely look forward to finding out where you decide to take this story in the future!
ReplyDelete*Ok maybe “accepting” is a little too much to hope for between these two, perhaps “begrudgingly tolerate” would be more realistic?
**If there’s one bit of criticism I might have for this chapter, it’s that I felt Maxie’s emotional issues seem to have come mostly out of the blue when compared to her usual cheerful demeanor for most of the rest of the story, her interactions with Gilda notwithstanding of course.
every update it just gets better and better, this story deserves 7 stars, its the best thing since Past Sins in my opinion. Man keep up the great writing.
ReplyDelete@Nick Nack And Actually i totally agree with you on that, most stories can't just end right there, i mean unless you kill off all the character's there lives will go on. But i think i wasn't making myself clear XD, the type of stories that irk me is when there isn't any type of closure within it. I'm totally for the life goes on type theme, in fact unless its a tragedy its hard to find a story that doesn't have that in there. But i think characters should have some closure with the problems they were dealing with throughout the book, unless of course the whole point is for them not to have closure, to which i think is awesome too, if its intentional. I guess what i'm trying to say is keep up the awesome work, in my own convoluted and twisted ever shifting paradigms. And also before i end my novella, i think the openended option is the best one, because a cheesy ending, would be out of character for the story, and a tragedy would probably make half the world cry (your characters are almost too well developed, i find myself caring way too much for them). So i'm not sure which way you should go with this!!! But if i haven't confused you enough already i'll leave with a simple question. What inspired you to write this fic?
ReplyDelete@kwj
ReplyDeleteHeh. All will be answered in due time. :)
@Jeremy
I'll address your two asterisk points, as they sort of sum up your whole comment:
* Friendship would be a stretch, at least at this point. Starfall's got some soul-searching to do before he can really accept any griffin on his or her own merits.
** You know, I'll bite: when does she seem cheerful in the rest of the story? Most of her actions are either mentioned offhand by Iron as "she's being hell to me" or the aforementioned interactions with Gilda.
@ElChrisman99
Heh, thank you. I'd rather not compare this story to Past Sins, though; a lot of people hate that story.
If I have to choose between a relatively quiet fan base of like 30 people or hundreds, but it's evenly split between viscous hatred and unyielding praise...
I'd rather not have anyone fight over my story, is all.
@miles
My inspiration for Heart of Gold, Feathers of Steel was a disagreement with the last... fourth or so of the narrative of Junior Speedsters' Forever. In that, it built up Gilda's character, then the time for the episode's events came around, and... cut to the aftermath. I thought it would be interesting to explore Gilda's thoughts and emotions during the episode's events, and... here we are.
Summer Days and Evening Flames came about after I completely dropped the ball on not only my own ending, but on the opening of the next story. As it stands, the original draft of chapter six of Heart of Gold and of Vermächtnis Suche both waste a lot of narrative space by giving a rushed overview of the main events between Iron and Gilda that take place in this story. Now, Sherry and Starfall didn't really exist at that point, so all of their plot points came about after I decided to write this story. What drove me to THAT decision was someone's (and by 'someone', I mean 'the guy that the farrier's apprentice in chapters four and five is based off of') comment that I was trying to put too much information in both chapters, and that this story would really work best on its own. So, I went back through Heart of Gold, touching up the plot with some newer stuff that was needed to have it hold up a sequel, changed the ending to give actual narration space for the summer's events, and here we are.
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteJust did a quick skim over of the chapters again, looks like I was mostly basing my opinion of her from what she did in the earlier chapters, and missed out on those little tid bits concerning Maxie that appear later in the story. So I guess her behavior wasn't quite so jarring after all. Oops.
Anyawy, I guess the only question now then is why she's so hostile to gryphons in general while her brother is ok with them? Don't feel obligated to answer this question if it's part of the plot, I'm mostly just wondering aloud. ;)
@Nick Nack i have a tiny question...
ReplyDeletehow older is Ironi in comparison to gilda or better yet how different are the pony-griffon life spam??
does gilda grow old faster than Iron or does Iron grow old faster than Gilda??
how old would be considered Gilda in griffon society and how old is she considered in pony society??
because Starfall called her adolescent that's a little something that has been bothering me for a while now
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteJunior Speedster's Forever??? And It sounds like the second story took a lot of prepping before you could get to work on it. Btw one major question, which is was their anything that took a major change/revision in the already posted Heart of Gold, for you to be able to include in summer days? If so how did you manage to do that with out confusing half the fandom? Another thing is i really like how well developed the characters were, how'd you manage to do that?
Hey Nick Nack, my name is Poptard and Blogger is impossible to log on to. I've been following your fanfic for quite some time now. I'm also a dedicate TVTroper, so I decided to up and create a page for your fic.
ReplyDeletehttp://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Fanfic/SummerDaysAndEveningFlames
It's by no means complete, and I'll add more examples when I get more time. Send me an email if you need anything.
@Jeremy
ReplyDeleteIt really has to deal with how they interpreted their living conditions while growing up. After Iron's and Maxie's mom died (Iron age 13), they had an estranged uncle that was supposed to take care of them, but he wasn't really good with children, so he held a 'do everything my way', overly-strict attitude. After about two months, Iron called his bluff of 'if you don't like it, move out': he dropped out of school and got a job in the mines in order to afford an apartment for both him and his sister.
He didn't like the mines, and he also didn't like the constant threat of eviction and homelessness that loomed over him (he was a minor, so he had to deal with unsavory landlords, or at least, pay a 'premium' to not get reported). They moved around a few times to try and get a better living situation, or at least, a cheaper one: long hours in the mines at low wages were all that Iron could really find.
Things started to turn around when he turned fifteen, the physically youngest age the guards would accept him (and that took a lot of pestering on Iron's part). He loved the work, but he still had to deal with the apartment situation. He tried asking his uncle to cosign an actual lease, but... yeah, that's the risk you run when burning bridges. Still, the money in the guards was better than in the mines, and he only had to work eight hour shifts. He got to spend more time with his sister (now age 10), at least. He spent his lunch breaks at a diner (his sister was in school), and that's where he met the next-most-recent hire, Officer Starfall. Their lunch breaks overlapped, so they spent most of them together.
Those three years took a much greater toll on Maxie, though: whereas Iron could throw himself into his work, she didn't have anything 'productive', in her eyes, that she could bring to the table. I mean, what good is algebra homework going to do (directly) when you're alone for 2-4 hours out of the evening, fearing the knock on the door that says 'you're homeless'? Constantly moving didn't really give her a sense of security, either, even though Iron assured her that each place was 'better'. They were getting safer with each move, but the apartments were getting slowly worse.
I'll point out that Maxie had met Comet Tail before she got attacked, because she was her brother's friend's girlfriend, so there was a somewhat personal connection there. I wouldn't call them friends, because Maxie was far too shy for that, but Comet was sort of a background acquaintance.
Comet's attack was when Maxie learned that, 'Oh, yeah. There's a race of avian savages to the north, and they will do you harm if they get the chance.' Iron had heard stories about griffin attacks in the mines, but he asked the right question when he did: have they ever attacked Farrington? Maxie, on the other hand, threw this into her pile of neuroses, where it grew in the background for seven years (until the prologue of the story). During that time, things got better in the housing situation, and Maxie graduated school (age 15) and began working at the post office, where there's a small plaque dedicated to Comet (I mean, she got injured in the line of duty, after all) to remind her every day of what griffins want to do.
At the time of the prologue (which takes place in August), Gilda (15), still too mangled to fly, had to spend about a month in an inn in Farrington, and she sent letters to her then-new camp friend. So, picture Maxie(17), deep-seeded (if passive) fear of griffins, then one starts to frequent the place that she works at.
And... that's basically the long and the... longer of why Maxie hates griffins.
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteWow, looks like you have that back story pretty well pinned down. This certainly sheds some more light on why Maxie and Iron act the way they do. Thanks!
300TH COMMENT
ReplyDeleteRight, that's out of the way. On to the stuff that I ran out of time and space to fit in that last comment (4096 character word limit my ass):
@kwj
My griffins have a slightly longer lifespan than ponies, but it's offset by the fact that their medicine / society is a lot more primitive than ponies. SO, the upper limits of griffin lifespan is higher (an average 'natural death' being 90 or so), but the average AGE that they die at is substantially lower (like 50).
Ponies usually fill out their lifespans; I'd say that it's comparably common for them to live to be 80.
Now, both races have their examples of individuals living long-past that, so it's not like they come hunt down individuals on their 80th birthday and kill them.
@miles
Long story short, I changed the ending of the original. It HAD to change, because originally, it encompassed the entire timeline of the summer that's taking place now. I tried to put a little notice in the beginning of the first chapter, but there was still some confusion, initially. :/
As for how I get my characters to be well-developped... I give them personalities based on their childhoods/upbringings, and then base their interactions based on that. I have a ton of information that doesn't really have a place in the story. The benefit is that it makes things a lot more organic; the detriment is that it's difficult to draw the line sometimes.
@Poptard
That's... pretty awesome, man. :)
Thank you.
I'll give you the opposite offer, though: if you want me to clarify anything for your examples or whatever, shoot me an email at
nick.nack.137 *a[t]/ gmail.com
I'm not trying to be lazy about anything, but I'd rather focus on writing my story and answering comments than going through all the notes and chapters I've written and applying tropes to it all.
Which... is exactly lazy. <_>
@Jeremy
Yep. Happy to help, even though Blogger ate that comment the first time and I had to start again from scratch.
@Nick Nack Thanks coming from you i was expecting a detailed answer and you gave me just that :)
ReplyDeletenow i also like how you included the fact that griffon medicine can affect them you really have a very detailed story AND backstory of both the characters and their societies and the way they lived before the story
thanks for answering.
@Nick Nack Wow, does that mean you've written in-depth back stories for all of your characters? and if so, it would be awesome to take a look at them!!!, you could make a chapter out of it or something!!!, btw how did the previous ending go? (in a nutshell of course) Btw it doesn't look like it in the story but does comet have any resentment toward the griffin race at all? Or does she just hate Gilda's father for what he did? Thanks for taking the time to answer XD
ReplyDeleteGreat job!
ReplyDeleteAny plans on the release date of chapter 8?
Damn... I'm hooked onto your story like junkie Б_Б
@kwj
ReplyDeleteNo problems. :)
@miles
She doesn't hold the entire race responsible like her husband does. She remembers what Gilda's father looks like, and clearly Gilda is both smaller and differently colored, so she's not the one who attacked her.
She's come to terms with her new life, basically. At the same time, she's justifiably wary of griffins.
@naranjadita
Hopefully by Friday, but I can't make any promises.
Something I have not seen anyone notice or mention in these comments: the powerful symbolism inherent in Gilda's encounter with the wolf in chapter 7.
ReplyDeleteIf you don't know what I'm talking about, go back to chapter 3 and re-read Gilda's telling of the Griffin myth of Jäger and the Sternwolf.
Now, think about Gilda: she's drifting away from her cultural heritage, and about to come face-to-face with death. Then, ponder her encounter with the wolf and the stag for a while, and juxtapose with myth. It will move you to tears.
Nick, please, confirm that you are alive and not ill and is not tired of writing the story!
ReplyDeleteOh please-please-please!
OK, finally signed up for Blogger (not gonna lie, that Google privacy policy is pretty scary, but, eh, in for a penny in for a pound and all that what-what), and that means I've finally got the chance to comment on this story. I'm not gonna lie, I burned up an entire weekend reading this story, and I've been waiting for an update ever since. It's . . . addicting.
ReplyDeleteNow, as for the story itself, there's only one thing I wanted to comment on, and surprisingly no-one else seems to have touched on this. Having a relationship with your superior officer is, just plain depraved, you know this right? Oh, I know the characters don't know this, but you've said yourself many times that they're unreliable narrators so I wanted to ask you directly.
On top of that little question (I won't go into the reasons for my personal beliefs on the matter as I tend to swallow my foot when arguing), I just wanted to point out that interrank relationships are illegal. I'm guessing that various police departments have their own rules on the subject, but in the military a captain getting involved in a romantic relationship with a private (under his own command, no less) is grounds for . . . a surprisingly wide variety of punishments ranging from consoling and transfer to jail time depending on the effect it has on other troopers. (Here's a good page to get an outline of the various policies.) All with good reason, as fraternization can and does cause some major disruptions and biases to the chain of command.
All that said though, this is still the first story I've come across that has had the characters preforming morally reprehensible acts "on screen," and yet I don't feel any kind of negative physical reaction or loss of sympathy to the parties involved. So I'm not going to be quiting this story any time soon. (Indeed, I'm quite looking forward to the next update.)
@Demetrius
ReplyDeleteIf there's one thing that Seattle has taught me, it's that wolves are awesome. But yeah, I love that scene for its symbolism and for Gilda's reaction to it ("What, I don't get to be a god?").
@naranjadita
I think I've got allergies, but I'm not sick. I'm definitely not tired of writing this story. :)
Chapter 8 is almost finished, so that's going to be up on here soon. Chapters 9-12... well, to be blunt, a lot of my notes got invalidated / deprecated, so I've got to take a few days to re-plan out the direction that I want this story to take. I know what I want to do with chapter 9, and it's going to be awesome (sort of like the Interlude, but over a month's time period)... but at the same time, it's going to take a bit longer than usual to get it actually written. So... I've already broken my one-a-week streak; I'm definitely going to be breaking it with chapter 9.
Just a head's up.
@Cody MacArthur Fett
Mm. That is a good point, and some of the problems associated with it not being against regulations start to surface in chapter 8. Chapter 9, a.k.a. "the behemoth", is going to involve a lot of relationship... building, I guess is the right way to put it. At any rate, it's where I plan on finally bringing up a lot of the... various reasons they shouldn't be together (via one very bitter lieutenant).
I'm glad you're enjoying it otherwise. :)
@Cody MacArthur Fett
ReplyDeleteI always thought that that rule was stupid. You are allowed to be (best) friends with members of another rank, but not in a relationship?
Iron covered Starfall two times already (BOTH times somebody had a knife in his/her shoulder) because they are friends, what more could Iron have done?
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteThat's one of the things I like about your writing. You don't just sweep issues like inter-rank fraternization under the rug like a lot of other shippers. You confront them, and you do so in a logical and even keeled way. I could be proven wrong in the future, but for now I like what I see.
@DaB.
Actually, friendships are covered under the "no fraternization" too, and are highly regulated. Besides, I've seen the effects that inter-rank relations can have and they. Are. Not. Good.
@Cody MacArthur Fett
ReplyDeleteThe problem is that Iron and Starfall once had the same rank (see chapter 0), but of course there can be only 1 Captain of the Guard, so what should they have done? Stop being friends? Let someone others (who has no friends) become Captain? Until short time ago, everything looks fine with them both as friends – the question will be: Is that going to change or not?
Just an update... chapter 8's going to be a while, still. I thought I had something, but then someone pointed out that, yeah, it wasn't really up to the quality standards that I usually strive for. I've been trying to rewrite it, but... I don't know what's going on with me, but frankly, I haven't been able to write for shit this past week. Instead of about four to six pages/day, I've hit an all-time low of less than three paragraphs / day.
ReplyDeleteI'd try forcing myself to get through the chapter, but you all deserve better than what that would produce.
@Nick Nack Relax and take your time i think we can wait some more and don't force yourself that sounds like a bad idea
ReplyDeleteI agree with kwj. Relax and take your time. Maybe you just need a break from it for a bit? I'd rather wait and have quality than something quick or forced.
ReplyDeleteI hope for a update on this story soon. One of the best i have read xD
ReplyDeleteWow... that's kind of sad, seeing that it's been almost a full month since my last update.
ReplyDeleteI guess that's what happens when I have to rewrite half of a chapter, then throw away two-thirds of the rewritten chapter, and then end up making the chapter 50% larger than it was in the first place.
Chapter eight should be coming around by the end of the week; I got the rough draft finished just now, so I've got revision and reviews still.
Thank you all for your understanding.
And... just as a preview of what to expect, I'll just leave this here...
ReplyDeleteDamn you! I was content with the lull now you post it is just needing editing. ARG! Now Im hyped.
ReplyDeleteOn a unrelated note, need any proofreaders?
*AppleBloom eyes*
Long chapters are the best kind of chapters.
ReplyDelete*marks end of the week in his calendar*
ReplyDeleteAnticipation... It is mine.
ReplyDeleteSoon...
ReplyDelete@colt45ws
ReplyDeleteStrictly speaking, I do have a prereader mailing list for those who give feedback to my story.
@TenchiFreak5
@Jandalf
@Party Favors
@BlackVion
The chapter link is now live in chapter 7 and the Interlude (which should be optional for reading).
It will officially update soon, but yeah, might as well post here now.
I'm so happy I could just hug someone. Anyone?
ReplyDeleteSweet, it's up. I'm giving this excellent chapter another read.
ReplyDeleteyay! it's up
ReplyDeletewhat a nice way to end my day :D
1. Yay, update.
ReplyDelete2. That ending... D'aww.
Finally! An update! Been looking forward to this. Good long update. :D
ReplyDelete"Either practice tonguing a knife or ask her."
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahaha! That was great!
Gilda really needs a hobby outside of staring at stone walls. If she was meditating then that would be one thing but since she isn't, it can't be healthy.
A very nice chapter, and very long which explains why there were no updates for so long. As always, I look forward to the next update.
This chapter was really good, I agree with Specter Von Baren up there with everything he said.
ReplyDeleteThere's also something I wanted to say, if I remember correctly the whole kissing issue was already solved in the first version back when Starfall, Comet and Sherry didn't even exist
so are you goingt to tkae the same soluton of before or are you going to come up with something new?
Sherry was so true on communication being the key to relationships. Not just romantic ones either.
ReplyDeleteI have a feeling we're heading towards hippogriffs.
@BlackVion
ReplyDelete@kwj
@Predhack
Once again, I apologize for the wait, but I'd rather have something I'm confident in posting compared to something that gets rushed out.
@banannagram
Heh, see point two under:
@Party Favors
@Specter Von Baren
Heh, she's been too busy with things to get around to the library to get her card made out.
@Sebiale
Indeed, communication is key.
As for hippogriffs... I can only reply with a definite 'maybe'.
An update from one of my favorite fics! *Squee!* thank you thank you thank you
ReplyDeleteSeriously though, this (along with Pony Psychology Series & My Little Dashie) has pushed me to start writing again
Even though it's been a month since the last update, I'd say it was easily worth the wait.
ReplyDeleteWasn't sure how the emotional side of things'd work, but very pleased with how they ended up
Just please don't make us wait another month :P
Trevor will keep this short, as he will be late for dutch, and is on his phone to slowly type.
ReplyDeleteWOW... The sas tag made one avoid this fic, but when one saw the shipping tag for the second, Trevor decided to give it a try, since it wouldn't end sadly. One has only finished the first story, but wow... Worth it! Nopony really trust to explain why G acted like she did, and for, that Trevor thanks you! One looks forward to reading the second story free church!
~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
The conversation between Bulwark and Sherry was some of the funniest shit ever.
ReplyDeleteAlso nice to see that everyone is still making realistically bad decisions and actually acting like real people (or ponies... You know what I mean); and it was nice to see the specific reasoning for Bulwark's general aloofness whenever he was around Gilda (I hadn't considered the age thing).
This made my morning. Went to be d wondering when this would update, woke up to an update. Goooooood morning!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYeah I'm not an analytical because I low my own stories are sub par. I'm just enjoying the series. It made me love Gilda.
So I see you replaced "Verbannung Suche" with "Verbannungsprüfung".
ReplyDeleteIt's perfect.
@Pontius Possom
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome, welcome, welcome.
And... it's always an honor to hear I've passed along the writing inspiration that this show has given me. I wish you luck on your writing.
@Spell Nexus
Hah, I'm glad the emotional side of things came off well for you.
Last time I made a bunch of promises about time frames, it ended up causing a lot of rushing and undue stress. Chapter nine is going to be huge (I'm guessing no less than 20k words) and span a month's worth of time, so... yeah, I'm definitely not going to rush it.
I'm not going to waste time getting reviews that cause me to delete 6k words and rewrite 12k in their place, either, though.
All I'll commit to is a nice, broad, "SOON" timeline.
@Magical Trevor
I think the "[Sad]" tag is more or less a misnomer after my round of sweeping revisions. I gave Gilda some more emotional consistency, but she's less... crybaby sad throughout it, I feel.
Still, she's still pretty bleak about everything, so [Sad] is close enough.
@TenchiFreak5
Heh, she WOULD have blunt advice for a somewhat serious concern.
As for the bad decisions, 'Ah, the wonderful world of flawed characters.' It at least keeps things interesting to write.
@Timber
I'm glad you're enjoying it. :)
@Wheeljack
Heh, yeah. Thank D.a.B. for that. MY only qualm is that it killed off the title for the story I have planned for after this, but, I suppose I would have run into flak for that down the road anyway, so no lasting harm done.
I want to make a comment asking you to look at something I did that came from reading this, but I feel like it would be shameless self-promotion.
ReplyDeleteOH WELL
http://fluttersisawesome.deviantart.com/#/d4ec8e9
This fic is just amazing. Your depiction of Gilda is great! I also like the German. For some reason I thought it was over, though. I'm happy it isn't! I don't have much more to say, really.
ReplyDeleteAre there any ways of contacting you, though? I've a few questions that are either not relevant to this chat or because they contain... Something?
Can't wait for chapter nine!
@FluttersIsAwesome
ReplyDeleteI took a look, it's interesting, but my judgement is biased on the story because of the amount of similarities to my own.
@KFJ
My email address is [email protected]
I am confused as to what 'Something' entails, but time will tell.
Oof...Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's been a while since this updated, hasn't it? Well, it's as good reading as always. I'm glad you had all the personal/professional boundaries drawn, that'll help things out. And Sherry really did have it right, communication is key. Found it pretty funny she almost exploded on him for going on about age differences and the like, when she considered that all encompassed in her communication is key philosophy. So, good chapter.
ReplyDeleteAnd now, to ranting.
1. Gilda's flying. I'm glad you reasoned her out of stunt flying on this occasion, and it all comes down to the fact that she's in a lot more danger than Dash is to be able to practice. Which is perfectly reasonable. So, not stunt flying, and she's indirectly working on the rest simply by flying to Farrington every day. Now, your last comment made me think that she could fly on par with an average griffin, who view themselves as better, or at worst equivalent, flyers to the pegasi. Or did they not generalize like that? Well, I'll work from that assumption, because I'm too lazy to look it up right now. So, anyway. Rainbow Dash is a superlative flyer for a pegasus, so she'd easily be above most griffins. This is rather well reflected in the comparison of Gilda's and Dash's skills, I'd say. But Gilda isn't all that much worse of a flyer than Rainbow, in racing at least. So it's safe to assume that Gilda's endurance limits are more than likely equivalent to Rainbow's, since that is what she trains for. So we could test the feasibility of Gilda's flying by relating it roughly to Rainbow's flying in the show. But Rainbow is never really tested to anywhere near her limits in the show. So I'm at a dead end here. If Rainbow's flying is ever seriously tested in the future, though, I will try and relate it and see how far off you are. I think Gilda's flying should probably be a bit better than it is, but there's nothing hard that says so, yet.
I seem to have forgotten what 2 was...It'll pop back up, I'm sure. It's pretty much just nitpicking, at any rate. If I remember it, I'll come back on and post it.
ReplyDeleteI can see why Nick said this chapter was a bit difficult to write, or needed timely revisions. The characterizations, mannerisms, rationalizations, and chemistry between the characters must be difficult to integrate so succinctly as you write. It was an amazing read and well worth the wait. You make everything flow so smoothly when I read this and even the subtle details of this story make it superb. I probably laughed a bit too hard at the small jokes - but I guess that's just another mark on how much I loved this update.
ReplyDeleteHey Nick, do you think you could contact me on DeviantART again?
ReplyDeleteor email if it's easier. I'm pretty sure you can find it in the TrainingGrounds queue. I would like to talk to you about some things :D
@musicssound
ReplyDeletePegasi have a higher capacity for speed than griffins do (read: I'm not going to have Gilda going supersonic). But, the average griffin is going to have a slight edge over a pegasus in terms of 'sprint speed' and long-term endurance at a reduced pace. However, it's a very subjective situation: Rainbow Dash proves, some pegasi are faster than some griffins.
As for Gilda's flying in relation to other griffins, it depends on what day you catch her on. Confidence is a HUGE part of athleticism, so if she's got emotional turmoil, she's going to be a weak flyer. Before Heart of Gold, Feathers of Steel, she was severely depressed and overwhelmed with a nihilistic, "This is all pointless"-type point of view. Therefore, weak flyer. Now that she's got a purpose to her life, however arbitrary (being a guard), she's a much stronger flyer, but remember: she's still prone to losing her abilities due to emotional fluctuations. I'm not saying she's excessively moody like, "WHAT? YOU DIDN'T SAY HELLO? I CAN'T FLY NOW!"; more that she's still not entirely emotionally stable, even in chapter eight.
Also, that armor acts as weight training, so when she takes it off, she's slightly more agile and faster than a griffin of her age.
@Tricky Step
Hah, no worries for laughing too hard at my comic relief. Thank you for your kind words, and I hope the wait for chapter nine isn't too hard for you.
@FluttersIsAwesome
I replied to your email you sent me.
Hmm You do realize that Gilda's father just committed a act of war. Sending a assassin in to kill members of a nation you are nominally at peace with is frowned upon in most diplomatic circles. If the Griffons are as scared of Princess Celestia as you imply (and now that Luna is back there are two mega scary alicorns to deal with). When details of the Verrbannungsprufung get around to the other tribes they might do something about it rather than risk everyone catching a bad case of being dead.
ReplyDelete@miertam
ReplyDeleteChapter six:
I wasn’t a citizen of Farrington, either, but Captain... Iron... he had helped me through the application for a work visa, which was apparently a step or two below full-fledged citizenship.
So, right now, she breaks her banishment, there's no international consequences for whomever comes (and it's an intertribal law, more or less based on the honor system, that someone has to deal with it).
Even if she were to become a citizen, she'd be temporarily rejoining her griffin tribe by violating their laws, so she'd have dual-citizenship for a while. Then it boils down to something akin to extradition, and there's already a treaty in place between Canterlot and Elpithasis (because, you know, the remaining three tribes didn't really want a repeat of what happened to the Schnelfluge) that includes a clause of 'it's a griffin matter, not a pony matter'.
SO... her father (or whoever) comes to settle the score, it's not an act of war. Just... unfortunate, I guess, for anyone who cares about her.
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteWell, the point I was roundaboutly trying to make is that as far as endurance goes, I think Gilda has nearly everypony beat, except for maybe Rainbow and the Wonderbolts (awesome band name). So she should probably be able to fly farther than, or at least not be so tired by, the flights she makes to and from Farrington. Then again, a hour's hard flying with armor fit for such a large build is probably more than a little kickass to begin with. Which is the point I should have realized befor eI tried to make this argument. Thank you, I've solved my own question. On another note, I'm probably going to reread everything in this fic on the release of the next chapter. If I do, you can bet I'm going to try and get you some sort of log of my running commentary of the event. I haven't read most of those chapters in a while, so it might be interesting to see what I catch. And I also feel like I've missed nearly everything related to Maxie.
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteNo, I think the point miertam is trying to make is that if Gilda completes her quest under the...(what is it called now? Ok, then. Points for proper German use, I suppose, even if you've lost a few for it now being impossible to remember.) Anyway, if she kills her mark with the aim of coming back to the tribe, it would be the equivalent of Gilda's father having sent her on an assassination. Which may inspire retribution by a couple of fairly powerful alicorns, especially after said mark had turned into a wielder of an Element of Harmony. Of course, Gilda's father didn't know anything about any of that. He saw it as sending Gilda to regain the honor she had lost by becoming friends with a pegasus. (Is how I remember it.)
But that is a good point, if the something or other is truly intertribal, what details were the other tribes given? Her quest to be completed? Did the sentence include any details as to the target, other than 'that one pegasus you made friends with?' Would the other tribes bother with investigation, or even have the investigative power to check it out? Would they realize exactly what kind of death sentence they just gave themselves, and would they care? It's not like it would affect their tribe too much, unless Celestia decided she had had enough of those griffons in general. Backing up a bit, would the other tribes even do anything given the fact that a pony was the mark? I imagine one of them has a paranoid enough leader to do something about it. 'Celestia? This griffon is on a quest to kill one of your subjects. Don't kill us!'
And I can't consistently spell griffon apparently. I dislike the show's griffin, and like gryphon, but I know that's not anywhere close, so I went for an intermediate griffon in most cases.
@musicssound
ReplyDeleteSay it with me, people:
Fur-ban-ung-spru-fung
and remember, Alt+129 on the number pad for the "ü" character.
Again, I'll also admit that, as a non-German speaker, Verbannungsprüfung looks a bit crazy, but I've come to the decision that it's better to be accurate than to have stuff that makes sense to me.
Anyhow, I see what you and Miertam are saying now. I haven't exactly pounded out the history to 100% certainty at this point, but what I need (and therefore have) is that after Celestia nuked the Vitessaile tribe, the three survivors (female, because Celestia was pissed by the time she was finally spurred into action) went out to the three other tribes to tell them what and why it happened. THAT led to... mixed flavors of outrage, but it boiled down to a cause and need to revise international treaties. The Megaftero tribe (Greek griffins, Elpithasus, etc.) acted more or less as an intermediary, because they were the ones who were most willing to compromise on all points.
The end result of these negotiations were met with spite between the two northern tribes, who felt that they lost too much (read: anything), even though it took most of their territory in order to offer as a negotiational trade for 'you get to pick your own punishment for trespassers.' Incidentally, this ingrained bitterness is why trespassers are dealt with so harshly; Comet Tail is lucky she ran into a griffin as honorable as Gilda's father, compared to what other sorts of hell would have awaited her with some of the other members in the tribe.
Anyway, regardless of the territory they lost, the 'trespass' laws don't go both ways: Equestria engulfs all three tribes' cities, so that would have effectively cut them all off. So, a set of guidelines were necessary to govern griffin activities while on Equestrian soil / airspace. Obviously, eating ponies was ruled out, but so was wanton violence. However, a special clause was left in for honorable combat, in which case a griffin can regain his or her honor by fighting a pony for it if need be. Now, the only reason that made it in was the relatively isolationist nature of the two northern tribes -- the chances of them leaving their village and getting offended were, and still are, relatively low.
So, as a ward of her father, it was his honor that got insulted by Rainbow Dash's performance, so it was his discretion on how to deal with it. Now, that's a loose interpretation of the law, and he's hiding openly behind a few loopholes, but it wouldn't warrant a nuking if Gilda did kill Dash. Celestia would, again, be pissed, because... that's her vassal of Loyalty; however, she's much more balanced as of recently with the return of her sister.
As for the details given to the Megaftero (Gilda's father neglected to tell the Galondewr on the grounds that, if Gilda showed up there anyway, as an outsider, she'd be ripped to pieces in fairly short order), her father knew Rainbow Dash's name and location, but it still caused a bit of added tension between him and Wallace (who's more or less the official intertribal spokesgriffin) due to both his inherent fondness of his niece and the fact that, indeed, her father is flirting with war.
Yes, the news got back to Celestia. She didn't react towards the griffins because, again, loopholes, BUT, with her plan with the Elements of Harmony so close to fruition, she sent off a letter to Cloudsdale Flight School that... basically ordered the dean to expel Rainbow Dash, then another to Mayor Mare telling her to give her a weather job in Ponyville. That way, if a certain murderous griffin started heading south, Celestia would have time to set up a quiet intervention if need be.
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteVerbannungsprüfung is just a tad bit too long for me to remember easily.
And for all you Mac users, hit option+u to get the umlaut, and then type a u to get the u under it. I just wish I'd realized that before I spent five minutes finding it in the character viewer. So, ü.
Alright then, now that I've got that rant out of the way.
Honorable combat? But it would be restricted to honorable combat. Of course, did anypony actually put down any stipulations for honorable combat? Like, that it involve combat? A griffin in everyday situations would of course challenge to combat to regain honor, but if you isolate them to that extent, they can get a bit desperate, I'm sure. For example, Gilda nearly killed Dash in passion a while back, that's hardly honorable combat. Dash had no clue it was coming. Not even really a hint, besides the fact that Gilda was so messed up. And what did Celestia do about Gilda coming to Ponyville this time? I'm sure she delegated somepony to keep an eye on her location, and had a contingency plan. Might even have been spying on the correspondance, which I suppose would have told her that Gilda was planning to come peacefully.
Did the treaties actually not mention the Verbannungsprüfung in specific? Surely there would at least be stipulations for griffins not part of a tribe, that Gilda might have fallen under now. Or is she still legally part of her tribe, even being this isolated?
Ok, I have to thank miertam for getting me on this train of thought, this is bringing up some interesting stuff.
As I continue to read this, I continue to imagine my own characters in the story. And it always ends with Starfall on the ground under Nova's hoof. I feel bad, but at the same time I feel like justice was served.
ReplyDelete@musicssound:
ReplyDelete"Verbannungsprüfung" is not that long, when you realize that it contains of 2 words: "Verbannung" and "Prüfung" (the "s" is only for the connection). It is like "X of Y" in English, but without the "of" and combined in 1 word. You can combine as many words as you wish into 1, but after some time the word starts to look funny and so you stop.
@musicssound
ReplyDeleteMaybe 'honorable combat' was a bit of a misnomer. Basically, it boils down to, 'you lose honor, you have the right to get it back from challenging a pony to a fight or contest in order to regain it'.
Also, I forgot about this point when responding earlier (commenting after 3 hours of sleep and 3 hours of travel: never again): Rainbow Dash beat Gilda in flying. So, by ordering Gilda to kill 'her friend', Gilda's father is more or less implying, 'You need to outwit or outfly her' (because it's kind of hard to kill someone if they're faster than you).
Also, it'd be slightly more honorable because of the relative ages of the two parties; Gilda's father couldn't challenge Dash to it because... well, that'd more or less be what happened with Comet Tail (she was 16 at the time of the attack, Dash was 14 at the end of Jr. Speedsters' [and she has a September Birthday]).
As for Celestia knowing... she's more or less omnipotent (anything the sun can see, she can see) in my universe. So, yeah, I'm not sure whether or not she needs an agent in the Farrington postal system, but if it makes sense to you, go for it.
As for Gilda being part of a tribe: according to ponies, she is; according to griffins, she is not. Funny how that works.
As for if the Verbannungsprüfung was specifically mentioned... you know, that would be an easier explanation, wouldn't it? I'll keep that in mind if I ever have to ACTUALLY write out that treaty (or go into more details).
I hope this helps.
... FINALLY! Took one a week, but Trevor FINALLY caught up! Gah! Some of those chapters are LONG, Brony! Still, now one can wait eagerly for yet another fanfic to update, so the odds of a story update having a fic one reads is increased even further! 8D Please keep up the amazing work! As a (albeit, not THAT amazing) pre-reader, one didn't really notice any grammar or spelling problems, so... Yeah! Anyhoof, can't wait for chapter 9!
ReplyDelete~ Magical Trevor, Minstrel of Equestria
p.s. Does that mean you're aiming for about 14-15 chapters, or is the final number just whenever you feel you want to end the fic?
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteBut the Verbannungsprüfung just said kill her. Well...That'll be a bit awkward in front of any pony court. "What? She had a right to kill her, to regain my honor." "Ok, guys. Griffins apparently take the fact that one of their weakest flyers got beat by one of our strongest as a valid excuse to kill our flyer." I think that's a bit beyond loopholes. That's pretty much an open threat, among several other things. And it's just dang stupid. But, it does all work, considering the parties involved. Good work on that.
Does the sun have x-ray vision? Or something to see the inside of those letters? I mean, she doesn't need to have a spy, but it is nice. They could be the Shadowwatchers. Or something.
Oh, now that would be fun to bring up in court. Normally, a pony court would see things from the pony point of view, no exceptions, but tribe membership is kinda a griffin decided thing. *wince* If Gilda isn't part of her tribe, she's technically acting on her own volition. No, wait. I suppose she could be acting on behalf of her own honor, which would save it. Still, tribe membership is a privilege, not a right. So, that would effectively cut Gilda's father out of any legal responsibility.
Heh. Well, it is apparently a pretty big part of griffin culture. It would only make sense the terms would be outlined in a pony treaty as well. The question is, would the ponies bother demanding a copy of any banishments made using it? It would simplify some griffin-pony conflicts, if there were a backup copy proving some things.
@DaB.
Yeah, I know more than the average person about German. It's a strange language, but so is English. I once had my sister say the word for windshield wiper fluid 5 times fast. (She's fluent in German, if a bit out of practice.) It was hilarious, really.
All fun aside, German is my second favorite language. I'm a bit biased towards the one I grew up speaking, but German is amazing, simply in how much influence it has had on everything. I'm a bit of a language nut, simply tracing the history of those languages is awesome.
Anyway, it doesn't help to realize it's two words when I only vaguely knew one of the two to begin with. Verbannung seems closely related to our forbidden. I have no clue about prüfung, though.
@Magical Trevor
ReplyDeleteHeh, don't wait too hard... this next chapter is going to be a doozy. I *might* break it up into just 'chapter 9' and 'chapter 10', but... it's got a lot of information / dealing with things that are time-sensitive, so it's very difficult to deal with the three or so subplots that are going on, resolve them enough to call it the end of a chapter, and do it all in chronological order. If I break up the chapter into two smaller chapters, it'll really be at the cost of one of those three points.
Thank you for reading, though, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
As for 'does that mean...', I'm not sure what 'that' is in this case, but I'm trying to aim for 12 chapters plus an epilogue. Chapters 8 and 9 were/are huge, but once we get to 10/11/12, it'll more or less be back to 'normal' length chapters of about 7-9k words each.
@musicssound
I had a huge response typed up, but Blogger's being a complete asshole right now. The long and short of it is:
Gilda's father abused a law. Celestia didn't want to press it offensively because (a)she knew enough about Gilda to figure she probably wouldn't go and kill her friend and (b)if she reopened international negotiations again, news of how she dealt with the Vitessaile tribe might reach her nobles' ears.
For that last part, she's spent most of the last two centuries trying to rewrite history so that none of her subjects actually know what happened. There's a pretty big difference between her official version and the griffin version of the conflict between [Insert Horse-related Pun City Name] and the Vitessaile tribe. Sure, some of the merchants that deal with Elpithasus (and now, Farrington) might hear the other version, but that's nothing compared to the political ramifications of everyone in Canterlot hearing about it. She decides that it's a pretty low-risk game to keep a close eye on Dash (remember, Gilda's more or less content to sit in her cave and mope after she gets out of Farrington General) and deal with any incidents if they come up instead of outright demanding, "No, give her another condition for banishment."
Wow. This story is amazing. One thing, could you tell me which part has Iron's description? You know, like mane color, coat color, and cutie mark. It would be appreciated. Also, is their a deadline of when you will post the next chapter, or will it be posted randomly?
ReplyDeleteWow, great story. Could you tell me which part has Iron's physical description. Also, is there a deadline for when you will post new chapters, or will they be posted at random?
ReplyDeleteIf you don't mind me asking,
@Chris
ReplyDeleteI tried doing a deadline for these longer chapters, and the first draft ended up being crap. So... chapter nine will be done when it is done. I guess it might be ready before Thanksgiving, but I give no guarantees.
The closest I've ever gotten two writing a physical description of him was in chapter five, the first time Gilda sees him without his armor. She doesn't really go in-depth in noticing because she doesn't want to stare and she's not there for romance.
I also tinkered around in the Pony Creator thingy to make this a while ago:
http://i.imgur.com/6Wa0E.png
I couldn't figure how to make Sherry look as old as she is, or how to do cutie marks (my paint skills are banned in some parts of the world as being 'too inhumane to subject others to'). Text descriptions here, if needed:
Iron Bulwark: a golden shield (think the upgrade to the Mirror Shield from A Link to the Past)
Max Ardor: an envelope that has a heart-shaped wax seal
Starfall: a red comet that could also look like a cartoon animation of a sword blow
Shared "Sherry" Justice: a balanced set of scales
I haven't really thought of Comet's because... I don't know how elaborate I'm allowed to be, or how symbolic. I don't want to do something wing-related, so it'd probably be something symbolizing loving defense, as opposed to Starfall's passionate offense or Iron's militarized defense.
Wow! this is the best fanfic I've read so far. could you tell me which part has Iron's physical appearance? Also, is there a schedule for when the next part is coming, or is it posted random?
ReplyDelete@Nick Nack ohh so that's more or less how they look i remember there was already a physical description of Iron but i don't remember ever reading one of Starfall also Sherry's full name is Shared Justice? that's an interesting name for a member of the Farrington guard
ReplyDeleteSorry for the triple comment. I couldn't see it on my screen so I rewrote it. Twice
ReplyDeleteSorry about that.
Pony + Griffin = Hippogriff.
ReplyDeleteAgain, not a lot got done in this chapter, but what did get done was pretty important. Though I got to say, I really have a hard time sometimes pictures these ponies as, well, ponies. For instance, the coffee scene at the beginning, my mind immediately went from imagining Iron as a pony to imagining him as a human being simply from the way his actions were described. (Holding two coffee cups? The hell . . .) Put simply, it breaks immersion to have the ponies acting like they are bipeds with two arms and hands with five manipulators. Granted, it doesn't make the story bad in the slightest, but it is momentarily jarring.
ReplyDeleteOn a completely different note: going by the current title of the third book in this series, is something going to happen in the future to make it so that Gilda is forced to confront her father? That would be the logical course of action storytelling-wise, but it still sounds rather dicey for the men and women of the FCG -- which, of course, includes Gilda.
@Cody MacArthur Fett
ReplyDeleteThe coffee scene... he's holding a drink carrier, holds it out to Gilda, she takes one, then he puts it down to start one-handedly fixing it up to his tastes.
Same deal with holding things: I imagine a world filled with thick-handled tools so that earth ponies and pegasi can function in civilized society. I agree it's somewhat jarring, but what else is there to do? Make everyone a unicorn? Then we'd be stuck in a prissy, fancy city instead of a gritty mining town.
As for the third story... I guess now's as good a time to mention as any: personal issues have come up as of next year, so I'm not going to have any time to write anymore. I could go into more detail, but it gets quite ugly very quickly. Just know that I'll be okay, if unable to write, and that there's not much that anyone can do to help. I'm keeping this in mind as I end Summer Days, though, so it's not going to end on a cliffhanger or any stupid bullshit like that.
But it will be the end of this story.
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteEnd? Completely, and nothing left? That mean you'll be killing the plans for the last story? If so, you've made me a very sad pony. If you're sure you won't be able to continue, could you at least pass along the plans to another author, or the community in general? I know it's a bit much to ask, your story and all, but I'm equally sure if you don't someone will bother with a much more horrible sequel themselves. (I'm not saying it won't be me.) If you could come back and finish, of course, there's no reason to, even if there will be a year long break or so. We know we have another year left on this fandom, at least.
Either way, you've got until the finish of this story to decide. You will be sorely missed, of course. Thanks for taking us this far, this is one of the best fics I've ever read. Good luck in all your endeavors!
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeleteWow. Well, whatever is going on I'm sure you can handle it just fine, and if not then that's what churches and charities are for. Good hunting, sir.
On a more technical side of things. You should probably leave the conclusion to this story with an opening. Which is to say that even if the ending was satisfying to all the plot points and whatnot that there would still be a hook that would allow to come back to the series if, by some miracle, you were able to write again. (Unless you're getting your hands removed, or have been diagnosed with a terminal illness, or have something else equally horrible happening, in which case I really don't know what to say. :( )
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeletewow so it's the end.
that's too bad but ok if your problems won't let you it's ok i think we've all enjoyed what you have done so far.
and also i wish you luck i have no idea what may be your problems but i hope you can get trough them
@Nick Nack:
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear that, but maybe just a notice: We have time; if it will take a year of waiting, we can waiting, there would and will no problems with that. So go solve your personal problem (if possible in any way) first and when you have solve it, continue the writing if you still think it is fun!
The last episode shows us, that Rainbow is faster than any bird (including a falcon) – just as hint to the discussion about speed above.
ReplyDelete@musicssound
ReplyDeleteI'm not 'afraid' of people writing offshoots of this that aren't up to my quality or headcanon standards.
What I would hate, though, is for someone to take my 80-some pages of notes and turn that into shit. It's arrogant as hell, I fully admit, but it's my story, so I don't trust any other author with it.
And before you ask, no. One of the surest ways to protect my story from the exact phenomenon I'm trying to prevent is to not release those notes.
@DaB.
Eh... I've never really been into Season 2, insofar as this story is concerned; any sort of mention of Gilda's only going to serve to kill off the 'canonity' of this story anyway, so it's a moot point to start trying to retcon everything so they fit.
I suppose that's the right viewpoint. Fair enough, as I said before, it's your story, not ours. If you don't have anyone you trust to continue it, then it's only right to let it die rather than force it to live worse than you would like.
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm more concerned with is what you didn't say. You hadn't even considered the possibility you might be back in a year. I may have made a rash request, but I didn't think it rash enough to ignore the rest of my comment without outside influence. So you don't entertain any chance of coming back, or you've been annoyed enough in real life circumstances to be a bit snippy. I'm not going to arrogantly claim those circumstances are related, but as there is a chance they are, I wish you the best.
And there goes any chance of keeping solemn in my head about the matter. I start overanalyzing the few details you give us as if they were part of a chapter, despite the fact you obviously withheld the rest for a reason.
Well, keep in mind there are always those to love and tolerate you here. :P Bronies are truly a special group, a closer brotherhood than anywhere else on the internet. I can't help but think we will live on forever in some form, like the Trekkies, but with a philosophy. And we'll always look back to the glory days, back when Season 1 was new, and the best fanfics were newer. Heart of Gold, In Her Majesty's Royal Service, Past Sins, Progress, The Combinatorics Project, and all the rest. This series is always near the top of that list.
Ok, I'm going to stop preemptively reminiscing and get back to the fic. As soon as you grace us with another chapter, that is.
You did well! I hope you have good luck writing!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear you're leaving us! Few things brighten my day as much as refreshing this page to see a new chapter posted. I hope that whatever issue's come up can be painlessly resolved.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with life!
SPOILER ALERT!!!
ReplyDeleteSummer Days and Evening Nights:
Chapter 0:
A crowd of citizens had gathered to watch the display of a
-This sentence just cuts off.
it was a serrated bastard, and there were now small chunks of flesh caught between its teeth.
-Was he planning on cutting up some very tough vegetables, is it a rescue tool in case of building collapse/vehicle crash or is this supposed to underline how far Starfall has fallen?
Chapter 1:
Inside the room, there were various polearms, unstrung bows,
-How do you see these items being used? Unicorns only? strap-on boots for pegasi? Or do you not get that detailed?
It had taken most of two years for the dye to fade on its own.
-She molt that slowly? Or is the skin very visible under the feathers their, and NOT normally pink.
Going to go ahead and post this since I note that this story may not be updated further. I hope it will be, but there is less reason to critique, and I happen to be doing this on a pretty ratty computer at the moment.
@Draco Dei
ReplyDeleteFixed points 1, 3, and 4; for point 2, Starfall's knife is a mainly a utility knife for cutting through rope. Not the best for combat, but he manages. He didn't really go around stabbing criminals, either.
@Everyone else for the last week:
I apologize for the lazy way of linking, but it's fairly tricky to go through things.
I won't go into what's going on in my life right now, as this is neither the time or the place to discuss that. No, I'm not dying. No, it's not over. However, I might have been a bit emotional at the time to just up and cancel my next story like that.
Sit tight, I've got some things to work through still. I've also got a huge chapter nine to finish and hopefully win back some stars on this story that seemed to have vanished in an unduly short amount of time.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletePossible to get a eta on the next update? :)
ReplyDelete@Chinthe
ReplyDelete@akassan
The final draft should be finished by tomorrow night, then it'll take a while to get the kinks ironed out by the people who help me make these chapters not devolve into rambling incoherence... the final word count is looking to be close to 45k words, so that'll take a while. It should definitely be out by the end of next week, though.
Nice, thanks for the quick answer :)
ReplyDeleteOh snap Nick - you're going to update soon? Great to hear it. I love this story and actually am in the works of creating my own Gilda fan fiction. I've actually used a few elements from this magnificent story into mine. Anyway, I wish ya happy holidays and patiently await more from you.
ReplyDeleteETA on the next update? xD
ReplyDeleteI love this, It's hands-down the best Gilda fic I've ever read; the OCs are well done, storyline is fantastic and your writing style ties it all together.
ReplyDeleteEagerly awaiting the next installment :)
You know, the first time I watched Griffon the Brush-Off, I thought Gilda was pobably the cruelest person on Equestria. Later, I think around the third time watching it, which was after reading this Fan made story, I felt that Pinkie Pie was the jerk, for jumping into conclusions, and felt pity for Gilda. Only a story as great as this could change my opinion so drastically. I also put this story in my mental list of favorite stories, that includes Of Mice and Men, and A Wrinkle in Time.
ReplyDelete@Tricky-Step
ReplyDeleteThank you, and good luck with your story. :)
@Wrangel
Soon...
@Rozinasran
Thank you. I like my little army of OCs, even when they try to kill each other.
@Chris
"Person?" :P
I kid, I kid, though I make that mistake while writing from time to time. I'm honored to be on your list with some real authors, though I definitely need to practice before I'm anywhere near their level of quality.
@Nick Nack
ReplyDeletegood to see you Nick!! and about what Chris said well, maybe you're right but you really know hot to hook someone to your story and that's something not everyone can do, my personal example is that i was reading Faust before reading this and both that book and your story got me hooked from the second chapter or so, you're good and with practice you'll be really good
Normally I'm a patient pony, but I gotta ask: Where's the next chapter? I'm needing my Gilda/Iron fix!
ReplyDeleteBuck yes an update. Reading.
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Looks like we got an early Christmas present, thanks Nick!
ReplyDelete>Gilda and Spitfire have same birthday
ReplyDelete>Gilda and Spitfire are voiced by the same actress
I see what you did there. :P
Gosh, this was quite the awesome update! Long as anything, tons of stuff happened, and it was entertaining as all get-out. Seriously, this story's in my favorite ongoing-tale list up with FOEPH. I'm glad this one's not over yet, and that you're considering writing another. You're damn good at it. :) Favorite specific parts: Gilda and Starfall's talk. Figuring out kissing. Dash and Gilda. Probably more that I'm just forgetting. But really - the story's got a consistently high level of quality, and a very grounded atmosphere that makes the whole thing feel very... contiguous. Very whole. And, taken as a whole, it exceeds its (high quality) parts. I hope the next part comes soon enough, though I can handle a long wait when the payoff is this high.
ReplyDeleteThat may be one of the longest fanfiction chapters I have ever read.
ReplyDeleteGreat job!
Although I must wonder at how everyone and their grandmother in this story seems to have some sort of severe emotional trauma. :S
YAY new chapter!
ReplyDeleteChaaaaaarge!!!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to chapter 9...my god that was a long chapter...but it was great none-nonetheless...and a sincere grazt to you, this is the longest ongoing fan-fic I've bothered to read and keep reading with each update...thanks dude.
ReplyDeleteDid a word count on chapter 9...41,000 words, give or take.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I'd pay for this in book form, easily one of the best pieces of fiction I've ever read.
WOOHOO!!!! I literally started dacing and singing when I saw the story update! Haven't read it yet. Hope that it's as good as the other chapters, and they usually are. I cannot express my delight!
ReplyDeleteD'awwwww...
ReplyDeleteEverypony's pulling their heads of out their plots, we've got building and rebuilding of relationships all over the place, and despite all their various traumas things are going pretty well.
Of course between that dream, Iron's speculation about Gilda's father's private army, and Starfall thinking about a new weapon to aid in combat with adult griffons, it's all but inevitable that this will end in fire, blood, and tears. Here's hoping that when things calm down again Gilda, Iron, and Starfall are still alive and Gilda's father isn't.
Sheesh... No wonder its been so long since a new chapter...
ReplyDeleteIt was great to see an update though, enjoyed the read as always. But yeah, Maxie... She seems to be one of the last of the important characters in the story to hold a serious grudge. I do hope that gets resolved some as well, in whatever way.
And I guess we have seen some hints towards a third story here then. Although, I'm not sure how much longer this wil lrun, could be we see it sooner then I think.
Man... this chapter had a lot of closure. Starfall coming to terms, Gilda and her family, or at least her uncle, Iron and Starfall's friendship, Comet... I feel like this chapter was more for Starfall getting his head on straight which is typos. The only thing I wonder/worry about is Maxi. Her life is taking g a sudden downward path and she knows nothing about Iron and Gilda. On top of that, she hates Gilda for seemingly no reason other than she's a Griffin. That I don't get. Griffin's needed anything to her like they did Starfall and Comet.
ReplyDeleteGood, not typos. I frigging hate auto correct.
ReplyDeleteReal quick, I'm musicssound, I wanted to change usernames.
ReplyDeleteThat was amazing. You know, I was thinking the other day, "why is this story near the top of my list?" and then I read this chapter, and I remember the kind of story that deserves it's place at the top. It's going to be a sad day when you stop writing.
On that note, I'm getting really sad at how much stuff is closing. You either directly closed everything, or gave it an easy way to close in the next chapter. Iron's about to tell Maxie everything as soon as he realizes how messed up his sister really is, and hope for reciprocation. Gilda's on the road to cleaning out her life with the rest of her apologies, as soon as she's done with Sherry's punishments, and possibly another scene with Starfall on the job. There's not much room to fit in any more conflict.
And, is there any chance that you'll give us any excerpts from the griffin histories? You're teasing me so much by dangling such awesome reading material just beyond the forth wall.
...So. Are you canceling the third story, or not? You made a comment on how you were a bit emotional when you cancelled it, but you never said whether you actually meant it or not. (Clinging to any hint that it might not be.)
I think you might be hinting at the results of the third story in your dream. I'm a bit concerned that it's still only three years since Gilda left in the dream, which means it would be happening in no more than a few months, if it hasn't already happened, and the dream was her visit. And the offhanded comment that Gilda still couldn't really match up to a full grown griffin, means that it wasn't Gilda that actually did it, though it almost seemed like it in the dream. (Traitor? I mean, what other griffin is emotionally messed up enough to want to kill off the tribe? She may not seem like it now, but I'm sure 6 months of trials and the interpretation of this dream as a prophecy would give her the guts to do so.)
Also, why in the heck was Dash there? It seemed like Gilda was simply skipping over the bits that actually held interaction in her dream. But the main bit telling me it was Gilda who actually did it was that she was abandoned by Dash, possibly out of disgust for any atrocities she committed. ("I was there when the strength of griffins failed.")
But it seems that when Gilda goes to apologize to everypony in Ponyville in a little while here, she suddenly gets a reprise of this dream, and gets the urge to go act it out. She takes Dash with her, and finds the tribe dead and burned. And Dash leaves her. And the third story either begins or ends there. Begins, if she finds the urge to go get the killer, who is most likely another failed griffin experiment of her father's, or ends if there are enough clues to resolve everything there. And then we'd get a major downer ending, with Dash leaving her to die from her own unburied skeletons, physical or psyche-ical. (I'm not sure if that counts as a pun...)
Anyway, great chapter, as always, and I'll be glad to read the next one.
So, I sit down for a chapter in one of the better stories I read and suddenly there is this lil continue button and I watch as my scroll bar grows smaller and smaller... then.. another continue button... exceptionally long chapter but worth the time. Which is of course what any story can hope to aspire to, that it makes you proud to have spent the time on it. I certainly am, I think now when the story is complete I will reread it from beginning to end.
ReplyDeleteOk, I'm back, as I didn't think I looked over this chapter as much as I normally do.
ReplyDeleteThe griffin history scrolls function as a literary timer. When she finishes them, something big is going to happen. She'll finish the first two over the next two weeks, and the third over the next two, and then probably a month to finishing the last one.
Also, the scroll of her tribe could have something big happen at the end of it, if it is a up-to-date record. She will read something that happens after her departure, and that will prompt or foreshadow action. If not, she'll have the same effect reading the end of the last scroll, and as she see their doom coming, she might see her tribe's doom coming as well. Or something else.
And now, to analyze the dream.
She wakes up in her family's cave, but it's bigger. This could be a hint to the time, either she is half as big, and this is a flashback, or the family became twice as big, and they hollowed out more space. She mentions that the walls are farther away, but nothing about the ceiling, pointing towards the second conclusion. ...I just said something stupid, didn't I? Griffins can't mine. Or dig... So there's something else. They moved? The tribe used to be bigger, and this is a racial memory. That almost fits. Except that no one's around. Which links it thematically to the next bit:
No one's in the main room, and there's been a battle. Her brother died in this room, but his remains are gone, and the blood may not be his. So, someone was alive after the battle. The weapons/crest of the family have been used, so they didn't have time to go for more traditional weapons.
Oh wait, it says Comet's wings have aged more than three years. So, there's no time pressure. This could happen anytime in the future.
Awkward wording alert! Try "or at least, I didn't want to come across the burned remains of my family that I somehow knew were in my father's chamber. I didn't need that image seared into my mind." Or something closer to that.
Anyway, so someone killed all or at least most of her family, and burnt their remains in her father's chamber. This could either be a survivor of the battle that decided to leave, or the victor, giving the family a honorable (or not so honorable) way to leave this world.
There had been a fight, at night, unexpectedly. Gretchen was the first line of defense, and grabbed the ceremonial weapons from the walls, and challenged the intruders with a "Traitor! Come and die!" (thank you, Google) That's an interesting word choice. Come and die? So, Gretchen thought that the intruder's death was certain, for some reason. (Correct me if I'm wrong, but wouldn't Gretchen be a sister? Then a brother died at the same place.) Either there was a curse, or the intruder wasn't much for fighting, or was at best a match that Gretchen would kill with her death. Obviously, it was tough talk, as she died in one blow.
There's a continuing sense of other presences. This could all be one person, which is lent to being Dash by the end of the dream, but some of the places she'd have to appear would be strange for her. She wouldn't be at the bottom of the plateau, and a pony like that would be hard to mistake. It should either be a griffin, or ghosts, then.
Something was sacrificed at the bonfire pit, which apparently doesn't ever happen. "The cries of those who were damned to Wodan" seems to lend itself to saying that who or what ever was sacrificed there went against the spirit of the tribe. This doesn't seem to be the doing of the traitor, unless it was a suicide. It would take a lot of work to get a large stone altar built there, which suggests that either Gilda's father went some kind of insane, or someone other than Gilda had put a lot of work into this place since the attack, and had something to sacrifice.
Part 2:
ReplyDeleteThere is an abrupt transition to the record-keeper's cave. Either something happened to draw her attention here, or nothing happened and a bit of the search was left out. I think someone called her over there, or asked if there could be any records, but it couldn't be transmitted in the dream, so there's a jumpcut.
Anyway, the record-keeper's remains or signs of struggle aren't here. There is another layer of soot, and the burnt remains of the shelves, so the scrolls were probably burnt as well. This could have been done by the record keeper, as the following quote puts it in character. The information dump about her must be relevant, as well. Possibly the record keeper was the traitor?
"We denied it, and that was why we were cursed." Ok, so Gilda's father stopped leaving the females out to die, right? So there's no new skeletons. The curse is a recent phenomenon, so there's nothing attaching it to Gilda, through her tribe or otherwise. She's a follower of the old ways of griffin mythos.
Bergfried? So, in the direction of Elpithasus? Or is it a pony city? Whichever, it seems to be where she came from, and so where she'd return to.
The first and sudden mention of Dash: Wait, what? Dash was here the whole time? Have we just been skipping ver the parts of the scene where she might have been relevant? Or was she waiting outside? And then Gilda falls and is abandoned by Dash. Which is really, kinda random.
"I had no right to know" is another really random bit. She's being killed by skeletons because she knows their past? Or is it something beyond just their past, a real reason for the curse, that she found more hints of in her search that was skipped over in the dream?
Well, anyway, we can assume that this happens up to 12 years later, at the expiration of the Ban. What's going to happen in that time is beyond me, but possibly, something happens to Iron, and she runs off to her uncle, who encourages her to find out what happened to her tribe. Then this happens. And it doesn't really clear anything up.
Good work on that.
I realized halfway through this comment that the word I was looking for towards the end of my last post was psychological. It had too many syllables for me to remember it at the time. Why u no speak Ingles, brain? Excuse me, I have the dumb.
@Timber I remember that Nick in some comment already mentioned that Maxi hates griffons for what they did to Comet and i think the fact that Gilda almost killed starfall doesn't help either
ReplyDelete@Party Favors
ReplyDelete@Jeremy
@kwj
@Chris
October 29 - December 20. That's only seven weeks' worth of waiting, right? I'm just glad to be done with school and work for the winter, so I've got almost completely free time again to write.
@supervanman64
Hehe... I'm glad that someone else caught that. The fact that Dash enjoys the company of people with that voice makes me think "Black Lagoon crossover" for some reason.
@Overlong Analysis Cobalt
Thank you kindly. The next few chapters will be much faster than this one, as they're only about 1/5-1/4 the size.
@Sebiale
"Severe emotional trauma" might be pushing it for everyone other than Maxie and Gilda... but yeah, everyone's got problems. I like to think that the contrast makes the good parts of them seem deeper and more realistic.
@RocknAnakin
Heh, my first sith reader. And thank you.
@Brett
Your comment means a lot to me, and I thank you very much. From a practical standpoint, though, I'm not sure how that would work out; I could get a bound copy easily enough, but Hasbro's in a 'suey' kind of mood lately from what I can tell, so yeah. I'd rather not offset my financial troubles with the legal fees from a lawsuit.
But still, thank you.
@Sindri
I don't want to give away too much, but there are and aren't things that this story will resolve. If we were playing "Hot/Cold," I'd say that you're getting colder.
@Baree
Thank you, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.
@Timber
See
@kwj
but also, she takes the prospect of a race of killer predators with a history of violence living to the north a bit harshly. There's not much perceived security in her life anyway, but she's definitely afraid of griffins.
Plus, you know, she saw more of Gilda than she ever really wanted to back in May.
@Nyxilis
Heh. I'm glad that so many people (you and several others in the documents) were pleasantly surprised by those; that wasn't the intention of splitting the document, but it turned out a lot better than I feared it might.
@modulusshift
ReplyDelete@modulusshift
@modulusshift
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Yeah, things are winding down. As a friend who helped me plan this behemoth (mainly, I wrote the outline and asked, "Which parts of this suck?" and he gave incredibly sage advice) kept reiterating, "In many ways, this chapter is the climax of your story." That's in no way to say that chapter nine or ten is the final chapter, but you're right in saying that the story of "Gilda joining a new society" is coming to a close.
As for your specific comments...
- The scrolls are benign, other than the warning they carried; if anything, it would be akin to receiving a copy of the Bible, the Qur'an, and the Bhagavad Gita, in terms of "the events in these books happened in a setting that was a long time ago." I used religious texts as a metaphor because that's what they are to Gilda. Not because she's incredibly religious, mind you, but because a lot of those stories deal with the legends of the gods and god-like characters. I'd like to explore those a bit more, but honestly, you'd probably be better off reading a compendium of Norse mythology and then saying, "What if they were griffins?"
- On the subject of religion... that dream had a vein of truth mixed in with the weird, dream-y stuff. Maybe it was prophetic, or maybe it was something in that berry pulp. I'm notoriously bad at giving "hints" that aren't "the answer," though, so I'm not going to say which parts already happened, which parts are currently happening, and which parts are prophetic.
I will say that Dash was just there as a Jungian representation of her guilt. Even when she's asleep, she can't get over what she almost did, even if she doesn't obsess over it constantly while she's awake.
- Your idea for a setup to the third story is interesting, but twelve years would be too long of a time, I think, to set it in the future.
On the topic of the third story... I still don't want to commit to it. Things are changing in my life and are going to continue to change, and while that is better than stagnant misery, I'm not quite sure where things are going to land. I want to tell the next story, but I'm selfish enough to want to do it in my own words.
Also, the next story is going to be a massive undertaking (though I'm going to try, if I write it, to keep it under 150k words total). To put it bluntly, if I suddenly didn't have to work or have any sort of obligations (i.e., being a full-time writer), I'd still be wary of committing to anything before "June" of next year. In reality, with college, graduation, job hunting, moving, debt, personal troubles... "June" is going to be an incredibly hectic time.
Things will fall as they will, I suppose.
Thank you for your continued reading, and I hope these answers clarify things slightly.