• Story: These City Walls (Update Part 16!)

    [Normal] [Sad] [Slightly Dark]

    Author: KitsuneRisu
    Description: A strange series of occurances are plaguing the fine city of Canterlot, as one by one, a pony of vengeance strikes seemingly random ponies down in their prime. As the locals try to contain the situation, they find that it soon slips out of their hooves as they discover that this one simple pony might not be as simple as was originally thought. Once Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia gets involved, can everyone work together to bring down this threat that threathens to ruin the very core of Canterlot?

    These City Walls: Chapter 1 - Wicked Stable, Part 1

    These City Walls: Chapter 1 - Wicked Stable, Part 2
    These City Walls: Chapter 1 - Wicked Stable, Part 3
    These City Walls: Chapter 1 - Wicked Stable, Part 4
    These City Walls: Chapter 1 - Wicked Stable, Part 5
    These City Walls: Chapter 2 - The One Who Eats The Tail Part 1
    These City Walls: Chapter 2 - The One Who Eats The Tail Part 2
    These City Walls: Chapter 2 - The One Who Eats The Tail Part 3
    These City Walls: Chapter 2 - The One Who Eats The Tail Part 4
    These City Walls: Chapter 2 - The One Who Eats The Tail Part 5
    These City Walls: Chapter 3 - Worth Searching For Part 1
    These City Walls: Chapter 3 - Worth Searching For Part 2
    These City Walls: Chapter 3 - Worth Searching For Part 3
    These City Walls: Chapter 3 - Worth Searching For Part 4
    These City Walls: Chapter 3 - Worth Searching For Part 5
    These City Walls: Chapter 4 - Burn Once Again Part 1 (New!)

    Additional Tags: Mystery, Unravel the Clues, Deliberate Header Image, intersecting pov.


    1. 2 and a half stars? It can't be that bad.

    2. 'Deliberate Header Image'? Doesn't that imply spoilers, as in 'Well, now I know the image was made to mislead'?

    3. I know this author writes well, but I also know they have a twisted streak...



    5. Oh man, I'm so confused...
      I swore off grimdark when I recently read a fic where Applejack was ripped to pieces, but this sounds more like a murder mystery/whodunit than anything else. And I like those...

      Oh, what to do, what to do...

    6. I'm sorry, did you say "everyone" in the description? I only read pony.

    7. @Dusty the Royal Janitor
      Wow. Which one? I really want to make sure I don't read that by accident.

    8. @DPV111

      It was on Fanfiction.net and the author removed it pretty quickly when everybody started complaining about how depraved it was. You don't have to worry about that.

    9. Do want. I like intelligent grimdark, and that is what this seems like. If so, keep it up, pony.

    10. @Dusty the Royal Janitor

      If you like murder mysteries/whodunits, then this shouldn't be too grimdark for you; the "Slightly Dark" tag fits it pretty well. There's a blood trail as a clue to a crime scene, but no graphic depictions of violence (yet, at least).

    11. I'm still hoping "Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash are Dead" gets an update. It really wasn't grimdark at all just a bit sad. And a good mystery.

    12. How the hell does this have like 3.5 stars? I thought this was really well done.

    13. @KitsuneRisu
      No, it's that there are some shallow, narrow minded people out there that seem to be of the opinion that just because they dislike or disapprove of certain content, any fic containing it is "bad" or has less of a legitimate right to exist.

      Now, if you pull a dick move like suddenly inserting extremely disturbing content into a fic that had no prior indication of containing that kind of thing, then people have the right to be upset.

    14. Worried about my 'twisted streak'? Heh heh. Nah, don't worry. This one I don't WANT to mess around with. I'm setting off to write a good fantasy mystery, and I'm sticking to it. Not entirely sure what content (or lack thereof) that's managed to net me this particularly bad response so far, but I'm STILL sticking to it. The slightly grim tag just means it has about as much description one would require for a murder mystery, about as graphic as your average episode of csi or what have you.

      No one need be worried that I'm suddenly going to drop gore bombs. In fact, I did assure the EQD folk when I sent it in that I would NOT include any graphic depictions of kidney ripping.

      Or, on the other hand, I could just sell out and add warhammer and sonic stuff along with heavy redundant shipping and loads of guns and explosions, you know, just because I'm ever so desperate for public acceptance.

      Justin Beiber pony, anyone?

    15. Hi again mr KR

      I think this fic really have potential, i was about to inquire if TCW would have more "deeper details", but then i read the comments above... and my mane *puff* just fall straigth :(

      Anyway i still hate you a bit so i got myself a companion cube and we're waiting to part 2

      Sry but i don't have many useful ideas to make constructive critics without ending grimdark xD


      PS: Again pardon my english xD

    16. @ -K Project-

      Hi there =D

      Thanks for the support! And well if you're a fan of seriously... grim... grimdark, I'd point you to a fic that I wrote but isn't allowed on the site, because of EXCESSIVE GRIMNESS. Also, I suspect this is what is making DPV111 worried.

      Regardless, if you want something a little bit out of my normal range, head on over to the pony fiction archive and search for my name. You might enjoy that, if that's your cup of tea.

      Unfortunately I will have to disappoint you with TCW, because I'm focusing more on the characters rather than the grisly details of death.

    17. Advice taken :D

      Just finish whit L.S, it was gooooood, now im heading to the one of AJ, dunno but those kind of things always cheer me up :P

      I like thriller/mistery too so i dont think TCW will disappoint me (insert grammar here xD)

    18. KitsuneRisu?

      As in "Love . Sick" KitsuneRisu?

      ...No. I'm sorry, after that one I don't think I really feel like reading anything more by this author. Toothed Gummy biting off Twilight's face once was one too many times for me...

      And then there was "Diaries of an Equestrian Overlord" where Celestia was a genocidal, tyrannical bitch and Luna was a cannibal...

      Yeah, this author has way too much of a track record behind him in my opinion. Sorry.

    19. In my defense the cannibal thing was cleared up, and this, as I've said, is just a plain and simple character piece. Writers ARE capable of many different styles, you know.

      Really, at least give it a try before you judge. :-)

    20. @KitsuneRisu

      ...I dunno. As much as I'd like read a "character driven murder mystery" you can't deny that your reputation precedes you.

      Promise it won't get too gory or dive into a ton of mane/supporting cast deaths?

    21. Absolutely. I don't seek to mislead people on purpose. Not to mention this has NO main character deaths whatsoever.

      I can't go into details due to obvious reasons, but you can refer to my earlier comments to see how I did in fact assure the EQD staff that it won't even begin to reach anywhere near levels I've done in the past.

      Reputation is a double edged sword, but let's just say I'm taking a break from the ABnormal with this one eh? :-)

    22. I added this to my "list of unfinished fics to check out" when I first saw it posted here. Now with the update, I decided to read some comments and maybe start reading now.
      I have to say, I wasn't expecting the comments I saw.
      I haven't read any of your previous work, and from the sound of it, I probably never will. But the description of this story seems too interesting to pass up, so I'm willing to give you a chance, and I'm quite looking forward to reading it.

      I shall comment again when I have an idea of whether or not this is worth continuing to read.

    23. Just finished Part 1, and I'm hooked. Apprehensions aside, I love the flow of your writing. I should really be getting to bed, but I don't think I could stop reading there. I'll hold off until I read chapter 2 to rate it, but so far you've definitely got 4 stars from me. Maybe 5 if it maintains the fast pace and addicting qualities.

    24. WELL.

      5 stars from me. The only thing I thought was a bit odd was the way Canary knew Celestia. When I read that line, my first instinct was to close the tab and forget about the story entirely. A reflex from having dealt with so-called "Mary-Sue"s in the past, I suppose.

      But other than that very small piece that seemed a bit awkwardly done, I'm enjoying this story a LOT. Can't wait to see more, and I'd like to express my extreme disappointment in anyone who rated this negatively (or positively, for that matter) without reading it.

    25. Okay, maybe I'm just stupid or I missed something crucial, but I don't think I understand the blood trail...

      So, there's a trail of blood. It starts in a perfume store, and then moves outside, around the corner, and down to a canal where the body was dumped.

      Why are they so confused at first about where the victim was murdered? If the trail starts at the store and ends at the canal then why would they hypothesize that the murder took place outside the store and then the murderer dumped the body and THEN went into the store?

      Can you describe the crime scene a little better? This is confusing.

    26. The confusing part, as I understood it, was that the store was closed at the time of the murder. The idea of the murderer going into the store after leaving the message and dumping the body was really just Canary grasping for straws because she hadn't considered the idea that the victim was already inside the store.
      If the victim hadn't been inside the store already, then the idea that they were killed in the store is just as ridiculous as the idea that the killer painted a trail back into the store.

    27. @Glomkettle

      So basically they hadn't considered the possibility that the victim was a burglar?

      Huh... okay. I'd think that police would be quicker to jump to the conclusion that the victim might too be a criminal (given how often criminals come into conflict) but I guess in an idyllic ponyworld it makes some sense.

      Though I don't know how, with the body gone, they even considered it would be possible to paint a blood trail inside... Grasping for straws indeed...

    28. I like it.
      I don't see where the story and the murder (if really a murder happened) are going at the moment and that's why I like it so :)
      It keeps me interested, so well done!

    29. @ Glomkettle

      There's few things better than coming back from a long hard day at work to a post like yours. Thanks so much for the support, and I'm very glad that you did the one thing that's important... which is to give it a chance. =) Especially in the face of comments that don't paint a very good picture.

      In any case, I'm not going to insist, but you could also check out Diaries of an Equestrian Overlord. May or may not be your thing, but I also suggest looking through the comments before thinking that you might want to avoid it. I've got extremely good response from it, but you'll have to treat it as just a bit of fun, which is how I wrote it in the first place, anyway! The whole thing is one big joke, so don't take it seriously, and I hope you'll enjoy it too.

      However, don't read Love . Sick. Yes. This is the author himself, telling you NOT to read one of his own works. It was written for Halloween, and therefore has all the horror. If you don't like it, don't read it. Apparently it's given me much more of a notoriety than I had expected, but I honestly don't think my first 2 fics (The Diaries) are bad at all.

      But hey! Thanks for at least giving this one a go, eh? =)

      And no worries. NO Mary Sue Characters. Canary's 'knowing' Princess Celestia isn't really that big of a deal, but it seems like something that I should address in the next part!

      As for the crime scene analysis, Canary is a proud, stubborn girl, who has disdain for everything around her, and she is frequently wrong, although not one to easily admit it. You have the blood trail scene down pat, and if anything, the fact that Canary doesn't have an over-arching view and knowledge of everything should already tell you that I don't write mary-sues. Hopefully this will help allay your (and other's) concerns.

      And of course, thank you also to everyone else who responded kindly. =)

    30. I am liking what I see so far, but at the end of the first chapter you seem to mix up hair color for skin color. (Who knows, maybe in the show they match, but despite the art style they DO have full body coats as established by Twilight in the very first episode.) Just thought that might deserve a fix.

    31. Hi Shoggoth, thanks for the feedback. This is gonna sound really silly, but could you direct me to the sentence in question? I can't seem to pinpoint the exact one of the error. Thanks!

    32. Oh my goodness. I do hope you continue this. I read your "Diaries" stories. Then I recalled you've been putting these up. The way you branched out from your own little one shots created a neat little start to expanding that little universe. Neat stuff. You're going to be put on the Author drop list soon I hope, you see I tried to find you there and ended up getting nowhere.

      I've enjoyed the intrigue so far. Keep up the work. Please.

      Secondly, your descriptions of little character quirks from what appears to be High Functioning Autism to a simple prankster. Great.

      How do you get into the head of a psychopath so well? I mean the "Kidneyripper" as I am assuming this is an Au carry over from "Diaries".

      Speaking of diaries, I can't wait to find out whats next.

    33. On your suggestion, I have started reading Diaries of an Equestrian Overlord. I quite like it, though it certainly has a very different feel to it than TCW.

      Against your suggestion, I also read Love . Sick. Now, from the comments here I somehow got the idea that it was an exaggerated gorefic (along the lines of cupcakes, or sweet apple massacre). After reading some of DoaEO and TCW, however, I figured I should have a little more faith in your writing, and I checked it out.
      I actually quite like well-written horror stories, and while Love . Sick is not the best one I've read, I thought it was pretty good.

      I mean no offense when I say this, but the brony community seems to be awfully sensitive to a certain sort of grimdark element. I don't in any way support dumb gorefics like those I mentioned above, but I really don't think they're that upsetting. What IS upsetting is seeing decently-written horror lumped together with them just because they both focus on character death as a major theme.
      I understand completely if someone doesn't like stories like Love . Sick, but please try not to exaggerate and make it look like something it's not. If you have a problem with this sort of fic, just avoid it and let people who tolerate it form their own opinions on a case-by-case basis.

    34. @KitsuneRisu

      I think Shoggoth is referring to this line

      "She was... a unicorn. I remember she had purple skin, had straight hair..."

      I didn't even notice when I read the first part, but if you were going for accuracy, you could probably edit it to

      "She was... a unicorn. I remember she had a purple coat, had a straight mane..."

    35. -> Stoic

      Because my day job is serial killing.

      -> Glomkettle

      Well if it was that line, then there's no problem because when I said coat.. I mean... you know. an actual coat. like, the article of clothing ^^; But this is the trouble that comes with synonyms of a non-human persuasion, and they do slip by. To be fair when I went and re-read Shoggy's comment again, I was a bit confused myself as well. I've changed the line to be a bit clearer, so I think it'll do ok now.

    36. Well, this does a good job of clearing up the bit about Canary knowing Celestia. Nicely done, too. I think I was hoping for a more direct continuation of the story in the next update, but in the end I'm quite happy with this. It was entertaining and gave me a better idea of the ponies' personalities.
      My only little criticism is that some of Duriandal's lines seem a bit exaggerated, but for the most part I'm growing to like all 4 of what I'm assuming are the main characters.

    37. What did that poor cereal do to deserve murder?

      I personally prefer to drown and boil it at the same time....

      On your story update,

      fun. sorry I am terrible with constructive review, but I await your update.

    38. Hey Glom and Stoic, unfortunately the whole story arc as I have it jotted down is pretty long, and there's quite a lot of fleshing out to do. I also really want to do a good character piece that revolves around a sort of mystery rather than a mystery with interesting characters, which is why there will be parts showing off bits of personal history and other things. Also, don't mind Duriandal, she's just really stressed right now, and she's *waves hands* special.

      Next part will have a new (and final) character, a bit of a mystery unfolding and a bit of something else altogether.

      Looks like you two are the only ones who stuck around huh >_>;

      I'm beginning to wonder if I'm underrated or I'm actually bad at this >>;

    39. The only critique I would make of your writing is that your narrative style is a little... fuzzy, for lack of a better word. You have a tendency to shift from detached third person narration to familiar third person narration to relating a character's thoughts in first person without any clear delineation between them. The flashback in part 3 was a little disorienting as well.

      Aside from that, I'm really enjoying the fic so far. You have some good, varied characterization (I especially like your take on Celestia), and you're doing an excellent job of leading me on with clues without giving anything away.

    40. Oh, don't think I was complaining about the character-focus in this part rather than plot-focus. Just because I was hoping for one thing doesn't mean I can't appreciate the other thing.

      And hey, you've got a solid 4 stars. If you were really bad at this, that certainly wouldn't be the case, especially considering the people who rated low without even reading.

    41. @ rp-sesu

      It's intentional, actually. The way I write narration is that it usually 'flows' with the character who is primary in that scene. It's just so that you can get a feel of how the character thinks and acts in a different way to other characters, as defined by a narrative that conforms to their mentality.

      Also the flashback was intentionally vague. I just like dropping little hints for alert readers to pick up on. Just a personal thing. I'll try to keep that in check.

      @ Glomkettle

      Anyway I don't want to bitch but let's just say it's hard to accurately judge response when you're dealing with hidden numbers and an upset average.

      Pretty much that's my only annoyance.

      That and I've run out of Reese's Peanut Butter cups.

      But yeah! I didn't take it that you were complaining about the character focus, I just wanted to clarify how things just panned out.

      /)*3*(\ Somepony give me candy!

    42. I was seriously starting to get anxious without part 4, and in the meanwile i made you a candy.
      It was an attempt to recreate my view over TCW universe (using real paint) but after i show it to my only friend he kindly suggest me to bury it under something heavy, so i decide not to send it :P

      Good to see the update, i'll read it on a few hours when i wake up (6:50 AM here, can't sleep yet, monster wait me)

    43. Its gonna be Se7en, isn't it? Its gonna be Se7en.

    44. Gah, I have to go to school and won't be able to read this until late tonight D:

      Oh well, I'm sure the anticipation will make it sweeter.

    45. Finally got around to reading it.

      I don't have too much to say except that I love Berry. She is adorable beyond measure and I really hope this story doesn't directly follow the LunAsidE of DoaEo. If it does, I suppose I'll keep reading anyway, but I will be sad.

    46. Ok if you really want, spoilers....

      are pretty bad so I'm not going to give you any. =)

      All I'm willing to say is that SOME things are going to remain the same and SOME things will change. This story is not intended to be in the same universe as DoaEO, but rather a 'borrow' from it.

      \(*3*)/~~~ Kywah!

    47. You tease. Oh well, I don't think I would really have wanted spoilers anyway.

      Anyway, my thoughts on the latest update:
      Damn. Shit's getting serious now. Berry just keeps cementing her status as my favorite character in this story, but Duriandal is definitely a close second. I have a soft spot for awkward/naive characters.
      Loving the reveal of what the Wicked Stable actually is. Great, original idea (or at least, I haven't run into anything very similar), with the potential to go in so many different directions.
      (There was a small typo on p32. You wrote "stores" instead of "stories")

      As always, looking forward immensely to the next update!

    48. ....Does anyone else think of Homestuck when they look at the image? Because all I can hear right now is that damn clown horn.

    49. Hi Readers!

      Thanks for the typo alert, nice catch there!

      Also, -K Project-, if you actually DID do something I'd love to see it!

      Anyway the next chapter will be a bit late because of long work hours. But it'll be here eventually!

      Thanks for reading, everyone~

    50. @KitsuneRisu

      I knew you were doing Se7en!

      I totally called it!

      Except that this is Five. Or like, 5ive. Or something.

      In any case, its chill. Except all the stuff with Durindal and Watsername. That brings it down from a six star to a four star.

      Otherwise, AWESOME.

    51. @The Commander

      Good call! But let me just check with you, is there something in particular you dislike, or are you referring to just character expositive parts in general, as opposed to the mystery core?

    52. This comment has been removed by the author.

    53. @KitsuneRisu

      Wow! You replied! Thanks! I really like your story by the way. Nothing else on here is remotely close to the feel of it.

      Well, you asked for my input... So, here it comes... Its a lot though...

      Now, first off, I'd like to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that everything you write has a purpose. However, putting that aside...

      I don't have a problem with your writing style. I don't have a problem with your characterization of Durindal. Aspergers, yes?

      What I don't get is the seemingly random scenes of Durindal and Blitz chatting.

      For example, the first 15 pages of Part 5 seem completely pointless. I don't mind the concept of taking a realistic look at equestria, but it just doesn't make sense here. You spent quite a long time focusing on Duri and Blitz chatting about Cloudsdale and eating stuff... This appears over and over again in your work.

      For example in Part 5, I read the first 15, was semi-interested, and then got to 16 and was like "yes!, plot stuff", and then on 20 its back to random musings about drinks and clouds and stuff. Then, after going back to the library, we jump to Duri being dropped off at a club, then a bit more plot, then Duri clubbin'

      Its not badly written, its just out of place, and distracting. I read through it being like "okay, okay, okay, lets get the show on the road again".

      Again, if all these Duri/Blitz chattin' and bonding have a point, by all means, go with it. But until it comes up, I end up being kind of bored.

      Again, its not bad, it just doesn't feel like it belongs in this fic, and it totally disengages me.

      But I truly do love this story otherwise. I can't wait to see where you're going with it. Whenever I see you update I jump right into your story.

      Again, an honor to have you reply to me, I hope I don't come off as too harsh, I really am a fan. :)

    54. -> The Commander

      Thanks so much for your time!

      I had a little read of it and a bit of time to think, but let me respond to your comments one by one.

      Before we set off though, and if you've ever read anything else I've done, you'd know I really like to mess around with character a lot. Essentially, rather than a comedy or something that messes with the prime universe, I wanted to write a character-oriented story wrapped around some sort of fun thing, and I decided to just jump off one of my other fics as a starting point.

      That said...

      Firstly, I have the GENERAL framework of the whole story, and a GENERAL idea of what I wanted, and I had the characters already, so yes, they have a 'purpose' so to speak, although the amount of that purpose does vary somewhat. Usually I write individual parts as they come along, with certain clues that I want put in there and certain reveals I want put there. Everything else, as stories are, is padding.

      2. Close, but it's based off a model of High Functioning Autism.

      3. Why I have so much chatting between Blitz and Duriandal? Well, honestly, it's just the 'character part' of the story. I'm sure it doesn't appeal to everyone, but I've got some positive feedback. The story's scope is PRETTY large, we are only 1/5th in, and While we can learn about Canary and Rebby (Canaberry?) while they're on the job (and other methods) we only can learn about Duriandal and Blitz through dialogue. For people who enjoy reading about 'quirky' characters, those parts are for them, basically. It will come together eventually as the story picks up pace, but for the first chapter it's foundation setting. Again, plenty more to go and there's tons of space for the main story, do don't worry.

      I move away from the mic to breathe.

      Um.. no.. where was I? Ok anyway, before this starts becoming a rant, essentially there really is not much point except for you to just to get to know the characters. One thing that I always enjoy personally are movies or stories where personal hurdles are overcome because those are sometimes the hardest, and I'm working to integrate them into the story as a side story to the main one. Also it's just fun to see ponies out of their element sometimes.

      I honestly apologize if you find it distracting, but I do hope you'll continue to enjoy the rest of it. I don't think their parts will be diminished, but I can at least tell you that they'll be a bit more involved with Canaberry in the future.

      Thank you again for the feedback!

    55. Oh, also, I should add that their characters DO play a part in it. But you should forget that I've ever said this. It's subtle.

    56. @KitsuneRisu

      No, Thank YOU so much for your time. I am simply the reader, you, are the artist!

      I have actually not read anything else that you have written, I considered reading Diary of an Equestria Overlord, but I generally avoid anything with the "sad" tag like the plague. I read City Walls because of the "mystery" and "clues" tags.

      I guess I'll go read DOAEO now ;)

      1. Didn't mean to imply you were making it up as you went along... I just wasn't sure if the stuff with Duri and Blitz served any purpose at all, there was no real indicator that they would matter in any way coming up.

      2. Ah. I see.

      3. Whatever you want to put in your story is up to you :) Please do not feel the need to justify yourself or apologize to me.

      If you are developing the characters for later use, the by all means, please do so. Even if you aren't, its your story!

      I will trust that you know where you are going with this, and I will eagerly await your next entry!

      4. The first victim committed Trespass, right?

      Shooting in the dark here, the one who just died outside of the club committed Hubris... The prejudice victim is going to be someone who put an earth pony in Canterlot down because they don't have the same abilities as pegasi or unicorns, basing that off of the themes you built up...

      Don't know about Hipocrasy or Avarice yet...

      I know you won't tell me if I'm right, but I'm sayin' it anyway! ;)

      5. In case I didn't mention this before, I love your characterization of Celestia. Really funny during the interrogation scene! Loved it!

      6. Your adjectives that you use to describe Pinkie Pie are just...Awesome... Really Really great. I really enjoyed the Pinkie Pie segment.

      7. Thank you so much again for reading my comment, I cannot wait to read part 6! Or Chapter Two Part 1, which I'm assuming is what it is. (Five chapters, five sins, five parts each chapter, you said we are 1/5 of the way done).

      8. You Rock!

    57. @ The Commander

      1. Oh no, I wasn't trying to say that you were implying that I made it up. Although, I usually DO make stuff up as I go along. haha. I get a lot of ideas in the office honestly, and then I integrate them into the story later on at night.

      4. Nice thoughts! Keep along those lines...

      5. Yes, I have a 'thing' for Trollestia.

      6. Pinkie Pie lends herself to creative adjectives, haha.

      7. Mmm.. more detective skills at work. I sure do like the number 5 don't I?

      P.S. If you don't want MINOR spoilers, don't read LunAsidE yet. Even though it's not an EXACT lift, the general flow of TCW follows the plot, and certain light elements are similar. So if you want to keep guessing, keep this in mind.

      And now, it is the weekend, and I have had my 28 hours of sleep, so it is back to writing! =D

    58. @KitsuneRisu

      1. No harm, no foul, we're even? Yes?

      4. I will.

      5. And I love that!

      6. Indeed.

      7. Eeyup. I'm a right old Sherlock Holmes, aren't I? XD

      Enjoy your writing! I know I will enjoy reading it!


      This is the best chapter out of all of them so far!

      Excellent! Really really really good!

      All my complaints have been basically knocked out of existence.

      The twist at the end was FANTASTIC.

      I mean, fantastic. Did not see it coming at all. It was like "whoa!"

      Much better length, much better pace. All over much better.

      How do I rate things, because this needs to be a six star, not a four star.

      Your killing method is viciously brutal. Slashing and then dropping somepony is just horrifying.

      I would like to say I'm starting to figure out what's going on here, but I'm not...

      That last twist just threw all my theories out the window....

      I have one thought, but its too obvious, and I can't figure out motive...

      Over all, wow, that was just incredible.

      You're a genius KitsuneRisu, a damn genius.

      Also, I thought the bag was gonna be a "What's in the box" Thing. So sure of it... ;)

      Keep it up. I can't wait for the next one!

    60. Nice, i just arrive from a little trip (actually got stuck in the middle of nowhere) and i can't wait to read this updates

      Im happy :D

      Btw KitsuneRisu i just upload the... thing... i paint to DeviantArt if you wanna see it, i know you will not like it xDDD

      Again sry for my english, now... to read :D

    61. What are you talking about? That's pretty damn cool. It's macabre and dark, and I can dig it. Either way, thanks very much for the sentiment!

      Could I get you to maybe explain more about the scenario? I'm curious as to the message that you wrote as well as the composition.

    62. @KitsuneRisu

      The surrounding area is the alley behind duriandal's place, but i have a little problem with perspectives and always end up twisted, the white left of the pic would be the floor (where i put my message) and the black its a mixture sky-city-wall, the wall that should be on the left its over my bedroom's floor (I did not realize that my painting sector was short)

      The message its something simple that always keep on my mind,complex to explain and personal somehow but i'll give my best shot.

      I was pretty sure TCW will not dissapoint me because i like to read not just like a reader, i like to swim in the world of the writer trying to understand the mind of every caracter and i found Duriandal particullary interesting, a dweeb surviving and interacting not whit emotions but scripts, just like me (remember when i told you in the DoaEO "i realized i was a thing" for the description on flutterthing? well, that realization give me a bost with my psichologist) so the sentence "I still belong" reminds me that im still a human, i still belong to this world, im not a failure, just a green dog

      Btw chap 2 was... WOW! i didn't see that coming >:D

    63. @ -K Project-

      Yeah, everyone belongs to the world, no matter what we do. And your picture really made me very happy. I showed it to my buds at work and they also really liked it, so thanks very much! I'm totally gonna put it in the gallery if you don't mind, with full credit to you of course.

      And thanks for the honesty and candor in the sharing of your story, and I'm really happy that something I did actually helped someone, even if my only hope was just to make someone smile.

      So, you're attaching yourself to Duri, huh? I hope you don't mind when...



      And wow, jeez, you guys are really putting pressure on me! I really hope I can keep up the standard.

      Especially when Duri...



      .. =)

    64. Glad to see you like it, i just upload a better pic of the painting (if i was a pony my cutie mark will certainly not be a camera) the candy was made for you, so feel free to use it as you wish.

      And yes you help me a lot, in a very weir coincidence, a lucky strike ornamented with the right words inside an irony box or something like that, you know what i mean xD

      Don't feel pressured, the standard its up to you, not to whatever-a-reader-wants-to-read, and if the plot is good its because you'r doing just fine

      PS: Duri + something bad = im gonna @#%%*$ kill you :D

      Nahh just joking xD

    65. Oh man, this is great you've integrated your flashbacks to be kind of like a jerking motion, and since I've read the diaries, I know the set up.

      I deleted the previous comment because it was too...spoilery

      also, what else is in the cabinet?

    66. The cabinet is full of wondeful delights =D

      Well, honestly, I didn't really think that much about it. It was more like an... origin story for the... hat. I suppose I might go into it later, although honestly I just don't think I can ever top a spinning berry helmet, can I?

      And pray tell, what cutie mark might this be?

    67. so, when is the next update? there has been so much wait for this I am all tingly

    68. This comment has been removed by the author.

    69. Hey, just wanted to say this is a great, albeit somewhat grim, story!


      I like the how all of the characters are closely intertwined with each other, and how the criminal mastermind behind this is playing the cast off each other, making them all the more confused and paranoid.

      I also find interesting the aspects of how the victims are chosen, even if their fate is complete and total overkill. (Pardon the inappropriate and incredibly lame pun.)

      Victim 1 was chosen for Trespass (stealing) for obvious reasons, and the second victim was chosen for Avarice (greed), because she was in a wealthy family, and based on what was in her room, appeared to be somewhat spoiled. This could also be interpreted as punishing the wealthy family, simply because they are well-off as well.

      Here are my predictions:

      1) Blitz has no (or very little, but not related to the case, i.e. nosebleed or something of that sort) blood on her, and Duri is covered with blood. Due to Duri's OCD, she then has a complete mental breakdown, completely undoing the progress Blitz has made with helping Duri.

      1a) There is, however, a possibility that the watermelon scent that spilled on the floor of Duri's room in comes up as a false positive. If so, very nice use of the Chekhov's Gun technique! This occasionally happens with Luminol, a blood trace detecting chemical, in real life. Luminol is (very likely) Lumi's namesake in case you were wondering.

      2) This revelation (assuming it actually is blood on Duri) also results in a complete mind screw for both Berry and Canary, because this flies in the face of every piece of evidence they have discovered thus far.

      Also, I'm not sure if anyone, including the author, has seen the TV series "Monk", but Duri seems to fit into Detective Monk's role quite well, in terms of mental ability and personality quirks, if perhaps not profession. Perhaps she will be the one to see the clue everypony else missed, but never said anything because "I thought it was obvious." This clue turns out to be the "missing link", solving the case, but (possibly) not before the perpetrator manages to complete the task.

      I'm waiting for Twilight Sparkle to somehow become a "pony of interest" again, perhaps because it is discovered that she winds up asking for information about another victim? If so, I certainly hope it's because she is possessed by the (creepy as heck!) pony(?) in the cover pic, and is being used as a conduit for gathering information on the potential victims. This could also explain my first prediction at the beginning of this comment.


      Another prediction:
      If this plot adheres to that of the movie "Se7en", the murderer will turn himself in, revealing the third victim as someone important to either Berry or Canary (please, for the love of Celestia, NOT Fluttershy!), who then kills the murderer, fulfilling the Hypocrisy of the murderer, and is then thrown in prison for life (not sure if capital punishment exists in Equestria) for Hubris, because they took too much pride in their work to let the murderer live.

    70. @stoic

      Well, the most recent update was actually yesterday, and I know I've been slow recently but I've been pretty ill. Not an excuse, I know, but I'm not comfortable delivering sub-par stuff so I apologize to everyone for the wait! I'm hoping to return to my one part-per-week schedule.


      Hi there, nice of you to join in! I'm really loving your predictions, because, well, I won't say if they're right or wrong, but certainly, what you wrote are definitely options. Keep guessing, I like the way you think, and we'll just see if you're right or wrong. =)

      I will say, though, that quite a bit of your 'what's to come' predictions are quite spot on save a tiny few details, and you have me impressed.

      Unfortunately, the scent wasn't meant to be a gun, although I have been leaving quite a lot of sub-texual clues all throughout the parts and art and everything which hopefully shouldn't reveal everything but lend clues to what I'm eventually headed towards. Don't think too much if you don't want to spoil it.

      Lumi's name is exactly that. Well done. =)

      And I have heard of Monk, but have never watched it. I'd honestly say Duri's personality was inspired by Dr. Reed from Criminal Minds and John Nash, but really is its own thing.
      I would say that she will HELP with a few obvious connections, but won't be the one to finally 'solve' it, although the mystery won't be solved in a traditional sense.

      Twilight Sparkle and Celestia will be appearing again in this chapter, and a few other of the mane six will be in the next one. =) Keep an eye out. I actually wanted to add Hoity-Toity to the most recent part, up in that swanky place, but I removed the part after it seeming a bit too forced.

      And I shall clarify here because someone else also pointed out the similarities, but this really isn't se7en. A good movie to be sure, with the wonderfully awesome and always, always genius Morgan Freeman, and that other twat Brad Cheeky-face wotsit, but the similiarities start and end with the whole '7 (5) sins' thing. And I'm really only saying this so people don't go 'aww it's se7en, bullshit, isn't original BLAHH' and start throwing dirty laundry at me.

      I hope, I genuinely hope, what I have planned is original enough. Although, as a firm subscriber to the monomyth, there really isn't any such thing as an original story, is there?

      I guess in that case, all I can hope is that people are generally awake by the end of it all, and I can't ask better than that. =)

    71. @KitsuneRisu

      I'm a bit confused by what you meant by "I won't say whether you are right or wrong" about my predictions, considering you followed up with saying I'm "quite spot on save a few tiny details".

      Also, I probably should clarify about my watermelon scent = Chekhov's Gun statement. It serves as a Chekhov's Gun because it appears early on and plays a role later. (Assuming my "false positive" prediction is correct, of course.)
      The watermelon scent could also play the role of a Red Herring, in that it completely throws Berry and Canary off the trail for a bit. (Once again, this is assuming my prediction is correct.)

      Also, one thing that seems... off about Autumn's room. If what Berry says is true, and the glass was broken from the inside, then how did a large shard get inside the room? Did Berry check outside the house under the broken window for other broken glass? If so, was there glass there, or was the glass outside cleaned up?

      One thing I remembered from the show (in other words, this is canon) is a spell that can give temporary wings to a pony. Perhaps this is another trick used by the murderer in order to dispose of the bodies? The problem with this, though, is that it puts Twilight Sparkle back on the "ponies of interest" list, due to the fact that she not only knows the spell, but has cast it before.

      As for the art clues, I noticed that Duri's cutie mark and that of the extremely creepy pony at the top of the page are unusually similar. Possibly an alter ego incarnate? Would make sense, especially if what Duri's father said about her about was true.

      I also read through a few of the comments just before mine, and please say you're kidding about the heavily implied "something bad happening to Duri". You're kidding, right? RIGHT?!

      That said, it would make sense, considering Duri is not happy living in Canterlot, but only lives there because she has nowhere else to go. Duri even said herself that the city was "designed with unicorns in mind", and was surprised to realize that the bartender was an earth pony as well.

      If you want to incorporate any of my ideas in one way or another into your story, feel free to do so!

      Also, if you need another proofreader (extreme Grammar Nazi, at your service!) to look over your work, feel free to let me know! I may also be able to help with ironing out unusual or repetitive wording, if necessary. I should probably tell you up front, I'm fond of the Oxford comma, unless it creates ambiguous wording.

      Since you seem to be extremely good at writing mystery stories, I would love to see you write a My Little Pony x The Westing Game (the book, not the movie) crossover! Of course, it would need a few changes, and I have a few ideas in mind if you would like to hear them.

    72. @Shadow

      Well, by that I just meant that you have some bits right, and some bits which aren't, and some bits which are close but have a few details off. I'm not very specific, but then again, I'm not trying to be. Wouldn't want to give anything away too particularly.

      And yeah! I did understand what you meant about the scent. I just detracted from it because it isn't a gun NOR a herring; it's just an exploratory character device. Honestly, props to you, it's a pretty good idea. I'd have used it earlier if I hadn't already sort of got the next bits planned out to a certain extent.

      As for the glass issue, that IS a good question, isn't it? When Berry was back at the station there was a sort of off-handed comment confirming that there WERE glass shards outside the window, at the start of page 23 in c2p3.

      The spell in question was Twilight Sparkle's 'Mothra' spell, I believe you're referring to? No comment. =)

      Duri's mark and the creepy pony's mark are only similar because I am a terrible artist. They're not meant to be.

      As for something bad happening to Duri, no comment. =3

      I could definitely use a proofreader in the future, probably. I haven't used one since Diaries, and for diaries it was mostly one bloke yelling at me constantly about how stupid things were and how Celestia would never, ever do that you stupid bint. I'm currently proofing my own stuff right now, and it might be this way at least until this project is finished. And I also use the oxford when necessary, and I'm a big hater of the grocer's apostrophe. If you want, just send me a mail (found in every one of my fics) and when I have need of help I'll hit you up.

      Also if you want, I'd love to hear your thoughts regarding this crossover - you can totally mail me - but I'll have to be honest and say that I have a couple other ideas from myself and others already, and by the time this is done I think it should be about the time I start thinking of ideas for DoaEO 2.

    73. I just thought I'd check in and mention that I'm still reading and still enjoying your work (this is rp-sesu, for some reason it won't let me comment with my LJ). I like that all of the main ponies involved are just a little bit... abnormal. It lends weight to the idea that they've been selected somehow (even if that turns out to be something they've gotten wrong).

      I don't suppose we'll ever see a sketch of the diagram in the Wicked Stable book in your collection of images?

    74. Sure, why not? =)

      I was working on something else for this page anyway, so I might as well throw that in as well. Keep an eye out then!

    75. No need to get defensive man! I wasn't throwing dirty laundry when I called it Se7en!

      Sorry I haven't given feedback in while, I've been busy!

      Saw there was a new update and decided to read it and the last two which I had missed!

    76. Oh crap, alright, I just read what I wrote and then read what you wrote and I just realised that it sounded really really bad, and I'm really terribly sorry!

      I definitely wasn't referring to you when I was writing the second half. The first person to refer to it WAS you, yes, but the whole 'dirty laundry' bit was actually just meant to be a joke referring to anyone else who might have that idea. Please please believe me that I did NOT mean to cause you insult, and I most certainly was not talking about you.

      I AM sorry for the mixup!

    77. So, after a day of scribbling and frustrated scratching, I finally came out with a bunch of pics of the main characters that I'm more or less placated about, after a few design chances from early stages. In addition there's the sketch that was requested for the diagram in part 4.

      There seems to be a weird mistake though, and part 5 is actually not the latest part. Part 4 is. But I don't think we need to bother with the correction. Part 5 will be out soon enough!

      I hope you guys enjoy my paltry scribblings, and may it bring a better image of how I see them in my own head.

    78. Wow. I loooove where this series is going. One thing I liked was Berry's reaction to being left alone and to run things by herself. I wonder who the next murderer will be connected to...
      I keep thinking that the hypocrisy sin will have to do with the whole "earth ponies are better at it BECAUSE they have no wings or horn" thing.
      can't wait for the next update!

    79. Like the pics, LOVE the story. Kits, you rawk!

    80. ...hurry up and finish this freaking story, it's pulling my teeth

    81. It reminded me so much to "The Crimson Rivers". o_q I dunno, the atmosphere and all the references. I dunno, it's "magical".

    82. After a bit of apprehension, I finally bit the bullet and started reading TCW, and I have to say it's a real treat. I love the narrative and how it flows. I'm looking forward to the rest of the chapters and to see how the story unfolds. I never even realized I was such a huge fan of crime fics.

    83. I must ask, i can't resist... im starting to think that inside your head kitsune there's a full background world containing old complex religions and rules before celestia

      I really love to see it

    84. oh i mean the full view, you know what i mean xDD

      damn my social comunication systems still sucks -.-

    85. Phew! Latest part's in the queue, and I'm gonna take this time for a little responding. This chapter's going to move into a few more character backgrounds and to let them have a bit of a breather.

      In the meantime, I'm thinking up another story for after this one is done... I'm considering a 'closed door' mystery in which nopony will die (for once) and will just be a bit of fun, maybe. Always wanted to write one.


      @ Totocrokka, Twifight, Joel Reed & Tristan

      Thanks so much for joining with the comments =) I'm really happy everyone's enjoying it so far, and I really am glad that you're enjoying the atmosphere. 'Magical' really is one of the best things you can say about a writer's style, so I really hold that comment in extremely high regard.

      Also, hey, thanks for trying, Tristan =) Considering how people seem to shy away from dark fics that aren't crossovers, it's people like you who keep me afloat! Respect to you brother.

      @ Stoic

      Thank you. I like her hair too. =) And keep your teeth in, it'll be over soon enough.

      Or will it?

      @ K project

      Your communication's fine, sir. I can understand you perfectly.

      And as for your question, What I'm doing is really... making it up as I go along. That's fairly accurate. When I need to think of things, I just try to go along with what the show's already got. The single one ancient enemy was an embodiment of some sort of non-physical concept, so I just followed along with that with the idea of this enemy. I'm sort of trying, at least, to make a more structured form of what very, very little there is to see in the show. Obviously I have to take way too many liberties, but that's the idea of fan fiction, anyway. Although I will say one thing... I have no image in my head of a PRE-Celestia World. The history of everything started with Celestia, so that's as far back as I can think. There were a few things that were lurking around back then along with fellas like Discord and that's what I'm elaborating on... that he isn't the only one.

      I hope that clarifies =)

      And to everyone, Merry Merry Christmas and a happy new year!

    86. Oh this is getting deeper. Circley, but not entirely round. making up words

    87. Geez. I love this story. Someponies need to enjoy the ride rather than worry about what's grim or not. This series is my favourite hooves down! Every update makes me WOOHOO! Hum, perhaps I'm grimdark? Hum. Oh well! WOOHOO again!

    88. Um... I’m gonna offer some critiques for the first few pages and the first chapter.

      The prologue is pretty dramatic. It’s well done if you intended to set the tone of the story that way. The description could be shortened a little at the beginning of the first chapter. I just sort of wanna get into the story and know whats happening instead of being bogged down by excessive description. And it isn’t really essential to the story. Description is good, but not so many paragraphs of it right at the start. Later on, the writing gets a little confusing. Especially the train wreck bit (Part 1 Pg2). Instead of me going like ‘ooohh it’s a train wreck!’, i went like ‘huh? Why is there suddenly a train wreck?’ Then went back and reread a few paragraphs to realise you were actually describing it earlier (or maybe i just suck at reading). The introduction should suck me into the story as soon as possible. You aren’t describing what needs to be described. As a reader, i’m not interested in the shops at the moment, what i am interested in, however, is the train wreck. That is the centre of the attention that needs the description. Or better still: start the chapter immediately with train wreck description. That’ll be more attention grabbing. I also think a few unnecessarily fancy words are being used.

      Excellent characterization. I can feel the difference between the characters just from first few lines of dialogue. I also like those little bits of humor here and there. The description becomes good a few pages later.

      The crime scene investigation part was amazing. Love how they are finding these little clues and trying to piece things together. Really exciting to read that. It’s this bit thats getting me to go on to chapter 2.

      The story's current rating is absurd. Time to bump it up a little :D

    89. The other chapters/parts are fantastic. I can't find anything bad about them.
      I wouldn't have been surprised if this was a 6-star story.

      1. I totally agree! I read enough fics and this is right in with what I consider to be one of the most creative, comprehensive works I've found. It's so unique to me. When I dive into a chapter, it places my imagination there. What more can a pony ask for? Six stars in my bloody book!

    90. Hi, sorry for the wait, everyone! Just got back from a holiday, and I'll be continuing the story onward. I haven't forgotten about it =)

      And thanks for the feedback, Cheeze! From the start I did try to create a suitable setting for it, which is why I didn't just go straight out and say "Oh, there's a horrible thing that happened", but point definitely taken.

      And thank you, Twifight =) It's always good to see someone who really likes your stuff, and it always brings a smile to my face.

      Anyway, new part coming soon!

    91. Hooray! Hope you had an excellent holiday, Kits! Welcome back! O_^

    92. My apologies. There was an untimely passing away of a family member quite close to Chinese New Year, which is an auspicious occasion where I live. Mood's a bit low, and I haven't had the right of mind to write. But I promise to finish this series. Thank you for understanding.

    93. I see, I thought it was odd for your updates to have slowed, just remember as auspicious as a moment can be, it is not always something with bears an ill omen.

    94. Thank you for the words of encouragement, Stoic. =)

      Regardless of what happened, I think it's about time to get this one started back up again! Sorry again to everyone for making you wait so long!

    95. Huzzah! I'm very happy to see that you are feeling better again and started updating. I was really beginning to miss these.

    96. Oh, KitsuneRisu. I.... well. I love your story and am humbly grateful that you've come back to update it for us.

      I'm very happy you're back.

    97. To everyone who responded, here and also in the updates thread, thank you very much for the support. It really makes all this worthwhile. =)

    98. btw sry for not saying anything to cheer you up, i just suck at it, i mean never know what to say in such situations if is not something stupid or awkward

    99. That's ok! I wasn't fishing for comments anyway. I just wanted to let people know why I had suddenly stopped. =)

    100. british insults? in my fan fiction? my life is now complete.

    101. oh another update. Well I guess I'd better get to it.

    102. So many plot twists... this is a pretty fun read.

    103. And the final twist is coming. Anyone spot it yet? =)

    104. I must be psychic, i figured that is what would happen while duri and twi were going to get the smelly crap...

      berry, I am worried about her

    105. Maybe you've got a copy of my chapter notes. =)

      Either way, nice call.

      And don't worry about Berry. She's just tired. All the stress of a modern life's getting to her.

      ..... =)

    106. To Twifight, if you're reading;

      I saw your comment down at the story updates thread. I'm glad you like Canary, and I'm really glad you like my story this much. It's not a very popular story, but... well, support from people like you and everyone else here is what's making me finish it, so... thanks =)

      Funny thing is, Canary wasn't originally this bitchy when I first planned the story, but I have a thing for damaged characters >_>; , and somehow my mains all turned out far more screwed up than planned. Perhaps for the better?

    107. This comment has been removed by the author.

    108. Glad I finally got around to reading this. I had been wondering about it for a while, but after I read DoaEO and LunAsidE and saw this story mentioned in the comments I couldn't not read it.

      Based on LunAsidE I was initially rather concerned about Berry, though at this point in I can't see her as one of the cult's targets, she seems like way too much of an innocent to be on the list of sinful ponies.

    109. @KitsuneRisu

      Hello! I wholly embrace the concept of a tactfully damaged protagonist - in fact, there's my adoration for Canary right there! Past and present are playing against a murderous mystery, all of which seems to be hauntingly close to her personally... yum! If stories were cake, this would be scrumptious!

      I'm going to check out some more of your work - any suggestions? Please & thanks? ^_^

    110. This comment has been removed by the author.

    111. @Twifight

      A personal message from Canary to you. http://imgur.com/uEPje

      I wish stories were cake. Then I wouldn't be hungry all the time.

      But anyway, for suggestions, I can't say for sure you'd like my other things because they are very, very different from this story. But if you're interested in comedy, straight up batshit insane black comedy, go check out my other fic up on this site, Diaries of an Equestrian Overlord, as djthomp here mentioned. (Hi, djthomp! =D) It was the first ever fanfic I wrote in my life, and I'm quite happy how it turned out.

      I warn you though, you might want to NOT read the second part just yet, because that was the inspiration for THIS story, and it might spoil you a little bit.

      Another thing I've written is a horror story which has done very well in underground circles and amongst the community for being real(tm) horror beyond just graphic gore. In fact, it contains little gore at all, and if you want a nice chill, you can find it at fimfiction. Just search for my name. It's called 'Love . Sick'.

      Right now I have a few other things planned after this is done. One is a shipping fic, another is a series of short stories set in ponyville in the style of Outer Limits/Tales from the Crypt, and I might continue the adventures of Duri/Canary/Berry depending on reader feedback after this one is done. (That means you, you silent readers, you. Comment more, damnit!)

      So.. keep supporting me! Because.. if you don't, who will feed the children? =(

    112. @KitsuneRisu

      Oh my. I may have to hug her anyway, despite AND because of the imminent danger! Thank you so much! Woohoo! Have I mentioned that I also like your artwork? It's very distinct and attractive - these days, that's very refreshing.

      I post a list of my favorite stories on my Blogger page (of which TCW holds first placing), and despite one or five exceptions, there are a decided amount of grimdark fictions in there. I'm a big fan of horror and... anyway. I don't get much from shipping, and normal doesn't thrill - bring on the black comedies and terror-filled atrocities!

      I so wish I had some cake right now.

      I'm gonna try Love.Sick first, kick the tires and take her for a spin, see how she handles. I'm excited? Yes and yes!

      Thank you Kits, I'll keep you posted. Gawd! Love the Canary! Love that song she's from too - you should put an electrical well in somewhere for good measure! Ah, TMBG... Flood was amazing.

      Take care my talented friend. I appreciate your time & kindness. ^_^;

    113. Well, that's nice of you to say. I'm just a doodler though. Drawing's more of a hobby than anything. I prefer to write, although drawing can be fun.

      And by distinct I'm sure you mean 'bad', haha.

      As for grimdark, you might be interested in this short story series that I'm doing. I hope to approach MLP fiction from an angle that I haven't really seen yet; which could be more accurately described as 'suspense' rather than just horror. And I really hope I can pull it off.

      And yes, Flood WAS amazing. Although honestly, I really like their latest album too - Join Us. Kinda brings me back to their old days, I feel.

    114. @KitsuneRisu

      I went to art school, did the illustration thing. Used to do graphic design. Just take the darn compliment! Honestly. ^_o

      I really enjoyed Love.Sick! Surprised? I was. The first chapter was the hardest for me... as I mentioned, shipping and I aren't friends. After that? Excellent! I enjoyed the ending too, unlike a couple of FiMFiction posters. Oh well.

      I am going to have to check out Join Us. If it harkens to their Flood days? Most excellent!

      I am interested in this series of yours, Kits. In the meantime, I'm going to check out your story about some alicorn oppressor? Yeah, the very best kind. Almost as good as a pain-loving Fluttershy!

      Laters, good sir!

    115. sweet new update

      finally i can do something in the night instead of pacing like a zombie

    116. @ Twifight

      I'm sorry, I was raised in a strictly shame-based society in which the acceptance of art-related compliments is discouraged and punishable by having one's glands removed. As a result, I only have 68% of all my glands.

      Although, I am very glad you liked my writing, and I shall be taking compliments for THAT.

      Anyway, the series should be out soon. I'm working on the first story and the title graphic, because I insist on custom-drawing all my title cards. I'm a bit like that.

      I really think I need better marketing though. Not getting enough people interested in anything I write, as compared to other fics. Any ideas what I can do to improve?

    117. @KitsuneRisu

      Doing your own title cards makes perfect sense - nobody else could possibly provide a positively proper interpretation! Your drawing for your story. I'd do the same thing if I could write a lick. Represent!

      As for self-promotion, methinks being visible is most important. Whether consistent updates or visibility, being seen often and everywhere is key! I just... wouldn't do that, personally. Your writing is very good; it has to be! You're on EqD! Word will spread with your new material - the quality of your writing, from Love.Sick 'til now shows remarkable improvements - and honestly, that's the only way to have at it. Reward for the genius of your talents through praise from fans will attract other fans! I love & support your work Kits, and I hope I can sway a few folks into feeling the way I do!

      I just wish Canary was canon. She is so best pony. Keep her bitchy for me? Tsk. Hope she & Berry and Duri get another literary shot once TCW wraps up.

      I'm so tired right now. Forgive the ramblings. I'll talk to you again soon Kits. Take care!

    118. See? K Project loves you too! In a literary measure, ahem. ^_^

    119. You guys are seriously making it hard for me to stay humble and self-depreciating.

      Seriously, you can't say things like that and expect me to not let it go to my head.

      Well, guess it's a slow road up for some, but at least I have the company of people like everyone here. Love you guys!

      Anyway, seeing how the undertones of the story is essentially about Canary and her life, you can expect some sort of event to happen to her, which will definitely alter her world view.

      But on the other hand, I watch a lot of House, and... I agree with his philosophy that people intrinsically don't change.


      I guess she's just going to implode then D:

    120. Ugk. I feel horrible. Have so for the last few days - headache, not to mention other... issues. Damn fragility! Makes me so angry!



      I was just popping by to explain my being unable to read Diaries of an Equestrian Overlord for not trusting myself to stop, as per your warning, when I came across the latest TCW! I was overjoyed! Guess I beat the morning stories post! Does that mean I'm "first"? Yahoo!

      I am very interested in Berry's epiphany or recollection - even moreso than the chunk of warned jade shocking Duri's butt. Is that wrong? Also, did Canary shove chalk up Silver's... er, for making a pass? Mmf, love it anyway. Also checked out the Silver drawing, and I found it adorable - she's not Canary's type, eh!

      Still enjoying the ride! Wonderful update! Don't let Canary implode, and do please feed the children!

      I need more meds. Night, Kits!

    121. Oh my. After reading my post, I am a little afraid - have I been trolling? I'm sorry! I mean, if I am actually trolling. Am I? The specific meaning of the term eludes me.

      I'm way more the stalker/hunter sort. Yeah! C_c

    122. @Twifight Sparkill

      Um well... no. Trolling, as I understand, is when one purposely misleads another for the purpose of humour or public humiliation through the ediction of a specific response that is drawn out through said 'troll' actions.

      So unless you... didn't mean anything you are saying and are leading me on by making me believe I actually have a fan who likes me as much as you, then you are not trolling, and either way that is only something you can answer.

      Although, of course, this is just part of said trolling, and I'm just embarassing myself even more.

      Now you've got me paranoid.


      Anyway, if you're sick, get well soon, it's never good to be ill. And the diaries are fine to read. Just don't read the SECOND story, which I think is actually quite easy to hold off on; it's not so much a continuation as it is sort of just a fun side companion. It actually doesn't 'add' to the main story as much as just tie up some loose ends and such.

      And I... forgot what I was doing with Berry. I tend to forget what I write nearly immediately after I write things. But this most recent part as a whole was just more toward a bit of lighter comedy, because from here on there really won't be much chances for me to have them be casual, so.. I used an entire part on it.

      Where Canary put the chalk is up to your discretion. Like she said in the fic, "You'll never know."

      And nopony is Canary's type. Nopony. >=(


    123. @KitsuneRisu

      Okay, whew. I thought coming off as a stalker was trolling. I certainly mean every word I've said regarding your works et al. I'm not very much better, but thank you for the wishes of good health. Um. Please don't be paranoid?

      Medication. Head swirling. Have to go back to work, ugk. Deep breaths.

      Yes! Right, on to the rest. I am glad you were more specific regarding Diaries - I had the page bookmarked and, solely because it's my rotten nature, I knew I'd read the whole thing and ruin TCW for myself. Though I've been carefully naive so as not to detract from surprises, I certainly don't need anything to trigger any unauthorized epiphanies! So, that all cleared up, I can now enjoy Overlord without worry. Or self-destructing.

      I guess we're racing towards some resolutions now with Canary and company, hm? At least they got some quiet moments in before everything goes to Tartarus. As for where Canary put the chalk, hm. You know, Hitchcock was right - leave it up to everyone's imagination and voila! Way worse!

      You know, if there was a pony version of House, MAYBE Canary would consider... no, you're right. Sigh. Poor girl.

      Piece of pie.

    124. @Twifight Sparkill

      You know, it's quite possible that the story was just a really a story, and Canary was messing with Blitz there, too. Maybe... there was NO CHALK.



      And a pony version of House would be a very frightening thought. I'm sure someone's already done the crossover though, hah.

      Anyway, final part of chapter 3 is on the way, albeit a touch slower because I'm also working on something else concurrently, but it will come.

      Take it easy, and don't OD on the pills man.

    125. @KitsuneRisu

      Pill overdose man: if not a man, could I have more? Sadly, work evened me out. I feel okay enough to pretend I'm well enough to perform duties, huzzah. Not so much huzzah as what my owner expects of me.

      As far as what else you're working on: good! For me. Selfish acolyte amidst the Holy script; patient though driven. Give me thy daily bread despite it being one of several foods that sour the brain and soul. I await what you script. Akin to all proper follower.

      I am feeling better now. Bottle of red wine, good music, my boss placated. Any better scenario would have me winning the lottery.

      I am going to attempt some TCW art in a bit. After seeing yours & others, I want to contribute. Just gotta get the cobwebs swept away.


    126. Oh crap. I get better, and I grab a bottle of wine - damn me. What do I do now? Party, I guess.

    127. What the hell?

      I do some laundry, clean the bathroom, come back to my post... wow. Did that make a lick of sense?

      No more wine for me. Sorry! I tend to think like a teenager when I drink, hum.

      Embarrassing. Bed time. Now.

    128. @Twifight Sparkill

      Well you sure sound like you have an... interesting life.

      If you're not a male I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions!

      And I'm eager to see what you do. Any art is awesome. =)

    129. @KitsuneRisu

      Basically I shouldn't drink wine and blog. There should be a law against it.

      Hey now, you write the crazy horror - you're the interesting one. My life'd be more interesting if I remembered why I don't usually drink. My job sort of sucks, I am female (according to my doctor), and I... am just boring.

      I will draw you something though! That'll be fun! Haven't drawn in ages, come to think. Maybe you could colour it for me? I have no art programs, sigh. Come to think, does the scanner even work? Hm.

      Toodles, Kits. Keep writing!

    130. @Twifight Sparkill

      Really, I'm sure that behind all these panes of glass we're all really just the same people all over. I just write... but there really isn't anything particularly special about me besides. =)

      And I'm pretty niche, too! I'm not even as well-read as FO:E or My Little Dashie or any of those other really really great works that you can find here on EqD, so really, I'm more at the level of 'boring' than other writers, aren't I?

      And hey, I don't even drink at all, so I'm fairly sure there's nothing there either.

      I encourage anyone who wants to try to pick up a... keyboard and write away. It's great fun, and always rewarding at the end.

      Now, as for the drawing, I could definitely colour it, but I'd rather much see what you can do first. I'm certain that whatever it is will be great on its own, and I'm usually quite hestitant to alter things that people give to me. So, honestly, go ahead and wow me. And anyway, you've already made me happy by the suggestion of any sort of gift in the first place.

      I will await with anticipation.

    131. @KitsuneRisu

      Oh, you wish you were boring.

      Let's see what I can do art wise - I haven't picked up a pencil in a year after having a good friend rip me off. If nothing else, I can at least say that you have inspired me to try again. That, to me, is an impossible uncertainty.

      I will likely have you colour it though. Be prepared. I will do my best! ^_^

    132. Also, as it's just you and me in this thread now Kits, I never cared for Fallout Equestria. My Little Dashie was nicely depressing. My reading chops are cut on Divine Heretic's work. Having said that, Past Sins is also lovely, but to me, you and Heretic are the best authors I have read.

    133. @Twifight Sparkill

      Divine Heretic? I'll have to check that out. And yeah, I was never one for crossover fics, but props where props are due, huh?

      Either way, what I'm most annoyed by is the fact that my fic was bombed.. actually, everything I wrote on EqD was bombed, and now this fic will forever wade in the obscurity of 4-star ness, which really in the end just PREVENTS people from really wanting to start in the first place. Pretty bad vicious circle. And I KNOW I can write better than 4-star, damnit. >=(


      Anyway, I'm telling you, I'm not interesting. You know what I had for lunch today? Rice and tofu. That is boring-person food. If I were interesting, I'd be eating fresh mongoose or something like that.

    134. @KitsuneRisu

      You. Are. Not. Boring.

      I do however agree that, for prior writings, DPV111 noted you were "twisted" and Dusty the Royal Janitor, Rainbow Smash, and Glomkette's following remarks didn't help - just what have you been doing that I'm not privy to? Those beginning statements seemed to weigh down your attempts sharply, despite you quickly recognizing and interacting with your contractors. What do you think? Am I wrong?

      Seriously, go read some Divine Heretic. His character building reminded me of you straight off. Eternal is, in my opinion, a story you could very well enjoy for it's literary accomplishments and deliberate attention to emotional detail. I like characters suffering, failing and falling for the flaws hinted at smartly previous - only talented writers have that capacity. Scenarios, settings and circumstances only benefit a strong protagonist. See why I love Canary?

      If I were to suggest a very bold, very brash and somewhat awful manner for you to find the fame you deserve, i'd say change your name. I loathe to suggest it, but if your past cannot help but chew on the good of your present, maybe "warts and all" isn't so noble. Even though I think it is? Personally.


    135. I meant to type "detractors" rather than contractors, pardon. Sort of the same gist. Whoops! I'm not a writer, eh.

    136. Also linked to Eternal is Heretic's latest work: The Wayward Knight - also awesome despite two chapters in. Above all else we suffer for a simple fandom, is it the differences and idiosyncrasies that make us wonderful?

      I hope so...?

    137. @Twifight Sparkill

      Pffff Leave me alone ;_; Why can't I just be a normal guy?

      But joking aside though, DPV111 is actually a really cool guy. He's read my other stuff, and what he says wasn't at all inaccurate. Glomkettle is also a really great supporter, so there's no problem there.

      I don't know about Dusty or Rainbow Smash because... well, I don't, but I'm sure they were just trying to clear the air. Although, for those people just skimming and reading the first few comments only without really understanding it... yeah, it'd be a detriment. But that's fine, really.

      There isn't anything being hidden here; they're certainly referring to Diaries and Love.Sick. And yes, I know, entering a fandom with such genres usually doesn't allow for much faith in future works, but I have to say that I just had to write what I wanted to. I still do, and honestly I have all but nearly given up on my attempt at a romantic story because I just can't feel it.

      As for a name change, I've considered it, surely, but in the end, I don't think I'll do it. My name isn't fairly known in the first place, so if I were to release something up here which was a bit more lighthearted, people'd look at the synopsis and title and try it out (hopefully) and then be more encouraged to give my other things a try, which is really what I'd like. =)

      Besides, although it's not a very 'awful' thing, I do find it a bit nefarious and perhaps just a tad underhanded. In business it would be perfectly fine, but with the stubborn pride of an author, I can't help but want to be recognized for who I am.

      But thank you for the input anyway! I'll just keep walking that road - it's a fun one regardless.

    138. @KitsuneRisu

      I'm personally relieved, despite inwardly knowing you wouldn't surrender your pen name, that you've elected to take the high road - I have discussed our bloggings with my brother and he suggested that the entire Internet is anonymous anyway, so who'd notice? I know you're a proud sort, but I had to at least offer you something, hm? I like to be of assistance, even if I suck at it. Ha.

      I wasn't trying to throw defamatory mud at DPV111 or Glomkettle, just noting that some folks read comments before stories, which can affect public appeal, and that makes me sad inside. Myself, I take the reading plunge and give the author one or two paragraphs to entertain - seriously, too many fics & not enough time. Mind you, I do try to write reviews for the former sorts that need recommendations, just to support the starving author, hm?

      Be well my friend. ^_^

    139. Oh yeah, nearly forgot - if you want to see a serious blog debate over a story that, despite some very intense love/hate opinions, hasn't suffered hurt readership for bad press, check out "Triple X" here on EqD. I think I've had more fun reading the haters and "haters of haters" duel it out than the actual updates. That isn't bad, is it? ^_^;

    140. @Twifight Sparkill

      No, you see, I'm double nefarious, and what I did was SAY that I wasn't going to do it, and then I'm totally going to do it anyway.


      So look out for the next story... written by.. KitsuneRisu. Yeah.

      And no one would notice but myself, and in the end, I have to answer to myself. That's pride for you.

      And thanks for the help, really. You don't have to offer anything if you don't want to. It's nice to have someone to talk to, even though this... comments post has severely derailed by this point.

      Yeah, I know you weren't trying to do anything, but when you name people directly, it sounds personal, so I just wanted to make sure that they didn't misunderstand you as well. Not that it's any of my business, though so... everyone involved really should just ignore me as I crawl under this rock.

      And if you wanna go around and spread the word, hey, I ain't complaining. =D

      Concerning 'Triple X', I can't speak for the actual author, but I swear to god I can't begin to imagine what kind of mixed feelings s/he might be feeling about it. For me, it's really no better thrill than people throwing around arguments or discussions in your thread about your story, because it means people are passionate about it, and that's always a very very good feeling. But then again, that fic got BOMBED TO HECK. There's some INTENSE haters there. It's much more peaceful here in the middle, isn't it?

      So let's see how many more people I can scare away with my next hopeful project.

    141. Does anybody know how to get IntenseDebate to work right? Stupid thing refuses to run on my system, on all three browsers. Stupid damn timeout errors. I can't comment properly, damnit! ;_;

    142. update!!! thx Kitsune

      Btw, after a lot of research I finally understand the meaning of "pride" & "recognition" (on the feeling itself) and i don't know if this help yours, but I hate people, and I've meet a lot of people, all jerks, tiny brains, no imagination, small universes, conformists. Of course there's also a few ppl that i like, i call them friends (or parasites when they smoke my cigarretes but i like them anyway)

      I don't see you like that, you don't follow the pattern, the fanfic writers pattern implies no higher details on OCs or scatter information to create a credible personality laying on the emotional side so the vacuum is filled by the reader(fuck me cuz i'm unable to do it easily), another thing it's about the fanfics worlds, most people rely on making a whole, giving the whole poor details and again it's up to the reader (or the show itself) what's rest of it. And of course, the plot, most ppl think "if the story got a good plot then it's automatically a good story", the true is far from that, if the writer explodes the plot on unpredictables faces giving the "between seccions" the what-if... efect inside a solid final timeline where objects and characters have sense and are worthy to be mentioned then you have a good story (-not applicable to Pinkie Pie on pony's universe, she laughs at the laws, period-)

      It's like watching any SyFy movie and Stalker, the first always are bad movies with chewed arguments, you see one, you see them all, sadly that's what most people are ready and enjoy, but Stalker it's a master piece, pause any frame of the movie and you got yourself a living picture, full of small details screaming their existence and the "whole" it's the central character.
      The final equation is what happens when normal people sit and watch Stalker, they get bored and upset because it's out of their heads, they found it a hard movie.

      I believe that's the answer about why you don't attract many readers, you don't build SyFy shit, i think more ppl read your fics than you think and they just keep their comments to themselfs because the pleasure of a good reading remains in our mind only to us.

      PS: In this post it looks like there is no IntenseDebate, maybe only work right on posts made after Seth implement it.

    143. @KitsuneRisu

      Your IntenseDebate seems fine now, mmf.

      What's wrong with bodies in the basement?? My brother said I could! I mean, I do the washing and the garden, he let's me the space under the floorboards.

      Maybe if HE cooked once there wouldn't BE any bodies... ahem. Er.

      Seems your IntenseDebate works! ^_^

    144. ... What.


      Well this needs an update soon. And an explanation. Though the corpse/wound swap thing has a number of possibilities that are applicable.

    145. @-K Project-

      Hey man, I see you've given it some thought, and you've given me a lot to think about as well.

      I really can't speak for my writing, because I'm biased, but it's really nice that you think of me as someone able to craft a story in the way you've described. I must, though, admit on relying on the story universe also... after all, it's hard to create a rich universe of differences without the base to depart from, especially so when I wrote that horror fic. But still, really nice to know that... I have these abilities. And of course, of COURSE, nothing applies to Pinkie Pie.

      I myself have not heard of Stalker, but I feel this might be something I want to check out. Would you be referring to the 70's movie by Andrei Tartovsky? That's the only one that I know of.

      And I hope my writing isn't hard to read. I surely didn't... purposely dumb it down for a wider audience. I just wrote how I would write if I had wanted to read it myself. Definitely, definitely, I do not equate myself to anything that SyFy has done.

      Except for Sharktopus, because that movie is the best movie ever. EVER.

      Right? >_> <_<

      Well I hope more people read than I think, though! I don't really think that much of myself. But to be honest I've always thought exactly what you just said regarding this. Well, as long as I can keep making everyone happy, I'm happy. But with this latest chapter, I hope I can edict the exact opposite, and maybe some people will be driven enough to post, and I can DRINK THEIR TEARS MUAHAHAHAHAHA


      I mean, yeah! Enjoy it. =)

      So thanks for your super long post, it was a treat to read, and by the way! Before I sign off, I ought to say that I used to hate a lot of people, but really, they aren't that bad. =) None of my business, honestly, but hey, I really feel the world needs a lot more love.

      @Twifight Sparkill

      Yeah, you have no idea the hoops I have to jump through just to get it to work. It's freaking annoying.

      And I'm not saying anything about your home situation, dear. That's your own mess to clean up. Along with the washing. Mm hmm.

    146. @KitsuneRisu

      Sorry for airing my personal life without opening a window first. I'll be more discreet in the future. I also won't let my brother read that post.

      Firstly, the recent update is absolutely wonderful. Started tying things together nicely, brought the harshness of Canterlot back - Ponyville allowed everyone a countryside reprieve from the haughty cement monument they've been trapped in, made for a nice contrast - and the gravity of their respective situations too. Lovely!

      Secondly, you made me cry! Not just cry, but sob! Very unladylike. I commend you for that, especially since I was completely prepared for brutality in this fic - or so I'd thought, damn me. Oh sure, I may have been temporarily lulled into complacency by your designing such - hoorah, i'm a pony puppet! - but I blame myself for just... loving the characters. No harm there! Sure, most of my Smarties suffered tear stains, but... anyway. I love being moved to emotions - all of 'em, not just bawling like a little girl - so I'm very grateful.

      Lastly, I found my picture's inspiration in this update! Oh, I think you'll like it. ^_^;

      Talk to you again soon, Kits!

    147. @Twifight Sparkill

      There better not be bodies in the floorboards underneath Berry's house. >_>

      And, well, mission accomplished then! =D I... hate making ladies cry, but... well. I guess under SOME circumstances...

      And to think, I used to just go around and slash ducks for the same response.

    148. @Party Favors

      They are forthcoming. =)
      I can't say much for spoilers, but this next chapter will be the final one, and everything is racing toward an ending.

    149. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

      And here I had convinced myself that it wouldn't go down like it just did. :(

    150. Ugh, nearly 11 hours later and I still feel like someone kicked me in the chest.

      KitsuneRisu, any chance you would mind sharing whether this story is going to have any sort of happy ending? Cause at the moment I am seriously bummed out about it.

    151. Hang on... is Canary one of the bad marks?

    152. I was starting to guess that, and that Berry was her matching good mark. But now, I'm not sure anymore.

      Maybe they messed things up by finding the tablet, or maybe by sticking a fragment of it to Duri for a while?

    153. @djthomp

      Don't worry. The story isn't over yet. That's all I will say. =)

    154. Alright, that's vaguely optimistic enough for me, I'll keep reading and hoping for a better tomorrow.

    155. Well if you guys wanna do a little sleuthing yourself, consider which two pairs are LEFT, and how exactly they might apply to whom. In that way you'll be able to maybe guess what's going on.

      I should say that all the pieces are in place, there's one more character to make a debut, which really shouldn't be a surprise anymore I hope, and that sometimes Fate isn't the most logical of things. If magic were logical, it wouldn't be magic. =)

    156. Annnnd now I have a tumblr, apparently.

      Let's see how long this lasts.


    157. We are on 2030 ;)

      And yes, Tarkovskiy's Stalker is the movie, also i'll keep to myself my questions about the end, do not want spoilers xD

      PS: I still have nightmares about sharktopus, i mean, duuuuude, being eaten by a monster is probably bad, but being eaten by a bad computer animated thing whit some weird shadow made by fuck-the-sun-I-go-wherever-I-want it must be really reaaaally bad

    158. Yeah see, it's not that Sharktopus ignores the sun with bad CG. And this is where it is so awesome.



      That's right. And that already makes it, by default, cooler, more powerful, and has more beautiful hair than Princess Celestia.

    159. I know nothing of this Sharktopus.

      I feel like I should.

      I wish I had more to contribute. ;_;

    160. @Twifight Sparkill

      Imagine, if you will, if you took all the horrible things in the world. All the disgusting fics you've read, all the badly-characterized shipping chapters and the best parts of Tom Six and Eli Roth; the stuff so terrible that even you can't stomach it, and then put it in a big pile, and then take a big old vomit on it. And then, put some birthday candles on top, because hey, it's festive, and then vomit over it AGAIN. And just for the heck of it, why don't you go ahead there and spray some febreeze on it for the smell, Nancy.

      Now step back and gaze upon this loving heap of swill that you have created with your own two hands and parts of your lunch, and take it all in.

      Sharktopus is marginally better.


      But the best part is, if you start watching it, you will not stop. You will sit, and stare, and wonder where your mind went, but you will watch, and you will finish it, and forevermore you will be haunted by the name Sharktopus and its irregularly catchy theme song.

      Don't say I didn't warn you.

    161. I... saw the trailer finally.

      At first I convinced that this was some elaborate hoax - the premise hacked from some existing show, then the creature effects added in by some animation graduate whose pot smoking convinced him this'd be hilarious. So I laughed. A nervous sort, short; derived from shock and a delusion of understanding.

      But it's real. Isn't it? It's real and I am going to have to somehow live with that knowledge.

      I dare not speak it's name.

      The world is very cold to me now. I knew so little - now I understand. I know nothing.

    162. Oh, also spotted your Tumblr! I can't wait for your latest project, Kits. Glad the Ponychan folks were so awesome with you! Fellow writers make good friends. ^_^

      Talk to you soon!

    163. You brought the nightmare back... and spread it!

      Now im listening the music T_T

    164. No-ooo! The music shall consume you!

      Then you dance to it.

      Then you explode! @_@

    165. Ack! Bad Internet! VERY BAD! Mommy mad!

    166. Holy cow.

      And I'm sorry!

      I'm kind of.. uh.. upset about something. Rest assured the story isn't dead, though. Real life is just getting in the way and my latest attempt at getting something accepted on EqD has led to a lot of blood, sweat and tears.

      Silly mistakes. Silly.

    167. Well if anyone's wondering where I went to... I'm not dead! Neither is the story.

      I do apologize for the long delay. A lot of things in real life just suddenly cropped up at the same time including relocation matters and moving into a new high profile job which is taking up my time. But thank you for waiting, and all that jazz =)

    168. @KitsuneRisu

      I am so glad you're alive!

      I also didn't post that message three times about my missing you. That would be silly. Even though I do miss you. I have an art for you too! Now that you're alive, I will give it to you!

      WOOT! Happy to hear from you! ^_^


    169. Damn FiMFiction died! We were having such fun! Pft.

      Night Breeze dresses like a sleaze. ^_0;

    170. Well. That was... Well.

      Consider yourself lucky that you're such an enthralling writer. Normally answering questions to create even more, strange questions irritates me.

      And why do I get the feeling Berry's role in this story isn't over yet?

    171. ... What a twist... did I mention I love this story?

    172. @Party Favors

      Oh, I dunno. I'm crafty like that. =)

      @Planet Khaos

      Well thanks for saying so. I don't get to hear that as often as I like =)

      But seriously, glad y'all are enjoying it.

    173. Damm i just arrive yesterday from a long trip, now i have something to read and re-read for what's left of the night and i have to get up early, to travel again...

      Good to see u back kitsune, i was going to write something here, now i can't remember what it was

    174. And im using the wrong account... that one was supposed to be for bussines.

    175. confound this accounts, that's what u get when u clean your cookies