[Grimdark] [Adventure]
Author: Visiden Visidane
Description: A coincidence and a magical accident leads Twilight Sparkle to a grim world hidden by Equestria's peaceful existence.
Upheaval: Breaking Point (All Links)
Upheaval: Reckoning (All Links) (New Part 64!)
Side Stories:
The Old Guard
Kin and Kind
The Last Shadows
Growing Thorns
Audio Book (Up to Chapter 48)
Additional Tags: long, war, action, drama, romance
Fan Art
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656 comments:
Twilight's eyes are staring into my soul.
ReplyDeletesounds interesting...?
ReplyDeleteSounds fine to me
ReplyDeleteI swear I checked EQD like 15 minutes ago, and now there are 4 more posts.
ReplyDelete@sovietmexican
ReplyDeleteit's always like that, so refresh refresh and refresh.
I like where this story is going.
twilight is saying "Come here i want to do things to you"
ReplyDelete@Gypsy
ReplyDeleteIf thats the case my body is ready.
Twilight is high in that picture.
ReplyDeleteI dare you to do that face and stare back at Twilight for more than 10seconds
ReplyDelete(it somehow started scaring me)
@Atiarotias I tried that, after two seconds I mentally screamed and scrolled back down.
ReplyDeleteThe premise looks interesting. I hope I'll find time to read it soon.
@Atiarotias
ReplyDeleteIt scares me too. However, it also makes me want someone to write 'Attack of The 50ft Mare'.
@Atiarotias
ReplyDeleteI made it to 10 seconds, but couldn't stand it any longer than that. It scares me!
this doesn't have much to do with the story but this page is called:
ReplyDeleteEquestria Daily: Story: Upheaval: Breaking Point.
...talk about Colon Cancer.
I am intrigued. This could be really good.
ReplyDeleteSrsly. The longer I stare at that pic the bigger her pupils seem to grow. Meh seems like as good a way to go as I could hope. Back to staring...
ReplyDeleteI'm looking askance at "Romance" and "OC ponies".
ReplyDeleteAlso, stare hard enough and the pupils get bigger.
The longer I stare the more I want to hug her T^T
ReplyDeleteTwilight is not a scary pony, unless she's angry. I don't know what's scarier, the most powerful unicorn in the world ON FIRE, or an angry Fluttershy... I'm gonna go with angry Twi, though: she could probably send me to the moon.
I slowly came closer to the screen and when I stoped the picture still looked like it was coming forwards...
ReplyDeleteThe chapters seem to go from Chapter 1, in part 1, to chapter 4 in part 2.
ReplyDelete...Something seems up with these Chapters.
ReplyDeleteDarn it Twilight don't give me that look, I already said I'm not into you that way.
ReplyDelete@mycutiemarkisagun
ReplyDeleteShe found Pinkie Pie's "special" brownies.
I'll be all over this as soon as chapter 2 and 3 make their appearance.
ReplyDeleteThere were a few cute errors: omitted words and whatnot.
ReplyDeleteI certainly found it a nice reading and I hope the plot will take a more interesting turn later on.
I wonder where this story is going..
ReplyDeleteSeth?
ReplyDeleteThe Part 2 is actually part 4 O_o.
There is no sign of part 2 or part 3.
@chiefnewo
ReplyDeleteAfter reading Part 2 I get the feeling the reason Chapters 2 and 3 seem to have been skipped are actually explained in the text i.e. Twilight's memory block. I'm sure when she breaks it we'll get to see what happened.
Yeah... This whole thing seems to be derped.
ReplyDeleteI'm not reading a word of this Chapter 4 till 2 and 3 pop up.
Given how nuts the Livestream was, especially at the end... I forgive EqD's derp and attribute the herp to Magneto.
Y U NO WRITE FASTAR?!?
ReplyDeleteSETH! Ya dun goofed!
ReplyDelete@chiefnewo
ReplyDeleteNope, read the whole chapter and pay attention to the title Upheaval 4.docx. This was a real mistake, chapters 2 and 3 are really missing. Also, Celestia's bro is a coldhearted bastard.
I like to give this a positive review, say it was a good story. The individual scenes aren't bad, and the memory-block chapter skip, if intentional, was brilliant.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to, but I really, really can't, because the premise is just too bad. It simply suffers from too many flaws.
First, the claim that Equestria is a paradise only because of the border lands defending against monsters makes no-sense. Because Equestria isn't a paradise. Hell, it's a death-world. Sure the part the ponies artificially tend are nice, but that because any part they don't tend to produce hydra's, flying tribbles, Multi-story star-bears and cockatrices. If the entire point of setting up the border lands was to protect the place, then it require the Celestia and Co to be so stupid it's a wonder they can eat breakfast without choaking.
Speaking of Celestia, this is the second area the fic fails. It has her as the evil, and don't try to argue 'well she isn't really evil just needs of the many' that stupid, for two reasons. First you are setting her up as an antagonist who is not the character people are supposed to like, secondly, and more importantly this breaks every single aspect of her character we've seen. She's someone so forgiving she's will to risk eternal night just to save on pony, and I'm supposed to believe she's going along with some considerably to screw over several hundred. No to mention the story explicitly has her acting stupid, which is, again at odds with her characterization.
But the biggest reason it fails is what is says about the main cast. The entire premise of the story is that the ponies we've seen beforehand suck, cause all there happyness come from your OC's, your wonderful OC's who have been doing the real work the entire time. And now that Twilight realizes it she's going to fall for the wonderful OC who has been the real hero all along, not those stupid six elements of harmony.
@Clockworkchaos
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with this dude. Every word.
I'm really enjoying this so far. Clockworkchaos makes good points but I think he's overreacting. Can't wait for new chapters.
ReplyDeleteI’m still watching for updates on the fanfiction page even though EqD hasn’t updated it since chapter 5. So I usually do spelling/grammar for stories I read, unfortunately at first I was only taking a look to see if it was worth reading and I didn’t get myself to start writing down errors until chapter 6, I might go back and look through the previous chapters sometime if you want. btw, this fic actually has very few errors in relative to the average of stories I’ve seen so far, I just have a particularly good eye for this stuff.
ReplyDeleteChapter 6:
'She saluted him as he approach, a sure sign that they had work ahead of them.'
'approach' should be 'approached'
'Dreadstep had been in charge of FangBreaker since even before they were even foals and he had never led the defense wrong.'
you use 'even' twice in the same statement
Chapter 7:
'Luna wasn't quite sure just exactly she was about to do.'
there should be a 'what' before or after 'exactly'
'I didn't do it by myself, you highness'
'you' should be 'your'
'Her uneasiness continued to grow as the realization that Princess Luna was telling the true crept upon her'
'true' should be 'truth'
'The back of her mind screamed in protest but she steadfastly ignored them'
'them' should probably be 'it'
Thank you for spotting them. The corrections have been made.
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't see what point the story is trying to get to. If Celestia is a tyrant and the main cast has been banished to the outside world where there has been violence and war for eons then where is the story trying to go? All that can happen is that they participate in the latest big war, maybe die, maybe live to fight more battles... and then what? They'll eventually just die out there without ever having changed anything. If the story has the barrier come down then we still have the same problem, the wars will continue and they won't ever stop and there will be no actual resolution or point to all this.
ReplyDelete@Specter Von Baren
ReplyDeleteMaybe that's the point of the story? Maybe the point is that without enough support or representation, nothing changes. Or sacrifices will always have to be made? Then again, it depends on the mindset that the story is portraying. Of course, these are just my current opinions on the matter.
@Delvarian
ReplyDeleteWell my worry is that even once the story ends, after everything HAS been changed, because it's obvious that the wall is going to come down sooner or later, that the story will just end with nothing accomplished despite it.
You know? If so many years had been spent fighting BEFORE the barrier was put up, with nothing coming of it, then how are things supposed to change now? If the barrier comes down, all the ponies in Equestria aren't fighting ponies nor do they understand war, so likely, many will just be killed uselessly in the fighting. The main six have been shown to not be nearly as good at fighting as the soldiers outside the barrier so they aren't going to make a big change there. And no from the way the story portrays it, diplomacy or making peace with all the enemies and monsters, let alone just the wolves, is impossible, or at the least, isn't going to be considered an option by anyone.
It looks like it's going to turn out like a horror movie where everyone dies. All the hardships and pain that the characters went through will be for naught and the reader will have wasted their time.
And I HATE those kinds of stories.
If nothing can change in the world there's still a chance of change in the characters?
ReplyDeleteI think part of the point so far is that Pyre is wrong -- the whole reason Celestia needs to keep the war a secret is that the ponies inside aren't spoiled, selfish brats; they'd insist on helping and end up dying uselessly or getting jaded by fighting. If she eventually had to admit that, that would be an example of a character arc that could give the story a point without having to change the world.
@Specter Von Baren
ReplyDeleteThat's why it's called a 'story'. Because we get to find out what happens.
It's also NOT a clear cut case of 'Celestia is right or wrong'. She had very good reasons for what she did. She was seeing her children becoming as blood-thirsty as the wolven, relishing violence and killing.
As such I'm following this closely.
@terrycloth
ReplyDeleteHhm... If the author chooses to go that route then that would indeed be a good way to end the story.
@shadefox
Not all authors actually choose to show you what happens at the end of their story. Some like to leave things unresolved in any way.
This story updates like it's going out of business! And I love it for that! The writing is good too. And the concept is intriguing to boot.
ReplyDeleteOk I'm looking at all the actual reviews and it seems to me that the theme is War Never Changes. And if that is the theme, I will be extremely angry. Vidane if you are reading this, I would like to request a explaination to your story for the most part, after and when you finish the story. I swear everyime I check the story updates, this is on here, and while that does mean you are a dedicated writer it gives me this feeling that you are a quantity over quality writer. I hope this is not the case, but if it is... Ah screw it, you will just have one disappointed critic who can't finish his own fics
ReplyDelete@Nos
ReplyDeleteI'd appreciate it if you would, at least, read a chapter or two so you can determine for yourself as to the quality of my writing vs. the quantity of my writing instead of making judgments based on the speed by which I update. I tend to make mistakes but I do pay attention to corrections.
As for your request, I cannot accommodate that whether now or after I finish. My apologies but it is to my firm belief that a story should be able to explain itself without the author going in and explaining it. If the first few chapters do not pique your interest or if you somehow reach the end of the fic without being able to make heads or tails of what the story is about then the story has failed and no amount of explaining on my part will correct that. The best I can do is apologize for wasting your time.
You'll notice that I haven't responded to any comments about what the theme is. The theme is what you interpret it to be so long as you have the text to support it, not what the author says it is.
Thank you for taking the time to, at least, look over the reviews.
The story catched me the moment I started reading it. I saw it the first time, when you had already 19 chapters of it out and it was impossible for me to stop reading it until the end.
ReplyDeleteSo far I think the story is very well written and the plot just keeps me hooked. The world you’ve created really does make sense and it surely could be that case in the “real” Equestria, that’s why I find it so interesting and thrilling to me.
So far you made a quite good job to keep the mane 6 in character despite the fact that they were thrown into an almost complete “alien” and violent world. So far I think only Rarity and Pinkie Pie are kind of “misplaced” in the plot at the moment.
The other four are just fine, even Fluttershy with Dr. Redbrandt (the both of them make a really good pair as they’re complete opposites to each other ^^). I surely can imagine her as a medic there without getting much involved into fighting and I hope she don’t have to see any of her friends gets seriously hurt (but I can imagine that it will happen around the course of the story I guess <.< )
Applejack is stubborn as ever and Rainbow just thrilled to “show them of” while Twilight is just about as passionate in everything she does.
I’m not sure whether you want to change Pinkies and Raritys character during the events. It would be funny if Rarity “is fuzzing about each little detail” while repairing/creating the uniforms of the Legion, while Pinkie is bouncing and singing while she makes the food (alot of while I see now). But on the other hand there’s no time for such things in a war and I’m afraid what impact it could have on Pinkie when she isn’t allowed to be happy and lively as she is used to :/
Well... I’m just curious about those two how they will evolve in this unfriendly world, the other four as I said match your world just fine in my opinion.
But I do have another major concern. Not Ursa major, but major. I have the feeling that Vanguard Clash and Scarlet Rabbit can become some kind of Marie Sue characters. Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t it now! But the whole time I read your story I have the feeling
ReplyDelete“Hm, that are some borderline impressive skills they show here, I hope the writer don’t overdo it.”
I can’t put the hoof on it tough :\ Maybe some examples when I get that odd feeling.
Rainbow just barely faster than Scarlet Rabbit and he’s wearing a much heavier armor than her. Sure Scarlet is used to the armor and Rainbow isn’t but in my opinion Rainbow IS the fastest flier in Equestria :p The moment Scarlet does a Sonic Rainboom it’s over for me ^^’
Vanguard Clash on the other hand is good in anything he does. Surviving a leathal fire spell, even if it wasn’t fully powered. Managing a fierce march after that injury to Fangbreaker Fortress and fighting of a pack of wolves the moment he arrives there and escaping with the chosen, not eaven showing a flinch of exhaustion. He just makes the appearance of an impenetrable rock that is always there when he’s needed. And above that he seems to develop some romantic bounds to Twilight (No, not that this would be bad, I’m not sure myself if I like it or not, but either way I would go with it regardless how it evolves ^^ )
So far you haven’t crossed the line to a Marie Sue character (at least in my opinion) and I don’t know if you struggle to avoid this to happen, or if you don’t feel that it could happen to those two. But that’s just one ponys opinion, maybe I’m wrong and my imagination goes just over board here ^^
In the end you can be sure to have an eager reader with me and I check regularly if there’s an update of your story ^^ The way you write, incorporate acction, thrill, (black) humor and a bit of naughtiness (I just laughed hard when Nightcanter was hitting on Vanguard :D ) is very good and keeps the readers attention to the plot very well. I’m very curious how the Plot will go on with all those “loose ends” now involving Pyre Valor, Prince Terrato, Princess Luna and Celestia (I’m sure the latter will have some spotlight during the plot again), Vanguard and of course the mane 6
And sorry of the bad spelling/grammar I’m sure you noticed I’m not a native speaker, but a good reader and I like to read plenty more of your story :)
He is bordering mary sue territory, but it’s hard not to when adding OC heroes to fanfiction. I’ve seen REALLY bad mary sues in fanfiction and this is nothing compared to the average. (Also, I personally love the Vanguard/Twilight shipping, keep going with it l:D)
ReplyDelete@Visiden Visidane
ReplyDeleteSorry if I was hasty about that, I'm just really not use to seein an author update so much. However I am starting to really enjoy the story, it is amusing, and gives off statements about prejudice, and about how people can not realize how priveledged they are (I'm on the chapter where Twilight's memory was wiped) and I am looking forward to continuing to read the story
Hiya, ive read this all the way to the end of chapter 22 and there are a few things id like to express some concern about.
ReplyDeleteFirst - you depict wolven as near faceless enemies, which to some would be enough to see them as bad guys in the story, but i cant help but think about the fect that in a war no side is good or bad. Wolves are proud beeings and often theyre extremely teritorial and such. Also the fact their king wants to have luna must have something to do with the wolves loving the moon. Does that mean hes in love with her, and why dont we know more of his personality, has Luna ever considered courting him to see what hes like? Its dumb to out right see him as a bad guy, so i hope youll clear up that situation a bit. This i say regardless of how the wolves act now, i honestly doubt they were like that when the war started, also i honestly doubt that all of the wolves fight, so there must also be civilians, what will happen when the ponies encounter those? mindless merciless slaughter?
Second - the "traitors" among ponies, i cant see them as bad guys, only ponies desperate and bitter from loss in the war that had taken those they knew. Will the mane six try and change their fates, summary execution seems vile, and quite disgraceful for a race like ponies whore suposed to be good, try to ignore what we humans would do is the only think i can offer you.
Third - how will this story end, i mean that in general terms, the best ending is peace between the races, anything else would be dissapointing , atleast to me.
Final - have you noticed how in every fanfic, including the cartoon inself all ponies seem to consider any other intelligent race lesser to them, and less important, even tha mane six, and how especially the mane six seem to discount every bad guy as meaningless once they win even when he/she is a pony, just look how worried they were about trixie running toward the everfree forest and possibly her own death...so much for them beeing "good".
A true hero should care about all, both his allieas and his foes, nothing is ever black and white(except when the enemies are undead, or zombies or such lol)
Hope im not beeing rude, or too hard to understand, also sorry for any spelling mistakes ive made and sorry for spoilers.
P.S. also sorry if this happens to double post for any reason
is this updating like, once every day?
ReplyDeleteBecause i'm starting to think about making an exception to my "no grimdark" policy just because of how often this updates xD
Anyone feel like telligt me how much grimdark there actually is? if one were to rate it from 1-5 with 5 being cupcakes, then how bad is it?
Maybe a 3? There's a war going on and lots of people die. Sometimes in horrible ways, but not described in pornographic detail.
ReplyDeletethe new chapter was short-too short
ReplyDeleteWento, this story is more than worth of reading it. Think of it as a fantasy book. The grimdark is really only the point, that they're in a war, nothing more.
ReplyDeleteThe only complaint that I have seen so far in the comments is that nopony knows where this story would lead to, but as a matter of fact I don't care, the plot is simply amazing and I jump almost into my screen every time I get to read a new chapter.
@Ratnap
ReplyDeleteawsome :)
i'll give it a try then :)
thanks
Ouch, Celestia's gonna be angry when she finds out Twilight's been lashed. Poor girl, I hope the scars heal.
ReplyDeleteAnd, it wouldn't be too good if she's angry with Terrato for whipping someone who's almost like a daughter to her. She's already getting paranoid about his loyalty to her.
ReplyDelete@Municipal Engines If that doesn't trigger Celestia's rage I don't know what will do.
ReplyDeleteI'm very satisfied with the story so far, save for the pacing. It can lag at times, and though most of the chapters have been important, I almost just wish the story would move along a bit faster.
ReplyDeleteThe majority of chapter 28 really didn't need to happen at all (the entire witch-hunt and whipping), but I can see it as setting up some more action later down the line.
High-rate of updates is awesome, but several chapters have left me wanting for sure. I personally have no problem with some of the creative-license he's taken with the 'Equestria' background, and some of it actually fits. Though I don't personally like Celestia's characterization, I can see it working in the context of the story.
@Alexei J. Humeniy
ReplyDeleteNot to mention that, due to her frail, scholarly physique, it would be a miracle if she managed to survive 30 lashes.
Other than that, the Byzantine factionalism is making my head heart. We've got NMM in Pyre's body, the Black Rose Rebellion, the Ultraloyalists (what I'm calling the group fanatically loyal to Celestia) and Celestia's own growing paranoia. Not to mention the wolven. And the other very hostile kingdoms.
It'll take a monumental effort to save Equestria at this rate.
Wow, reading two epics at once it epic (This, and the Vagabond - over 60 chapters combined between the two so far O_O)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Geekmuffin
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the time you've spent on my fic and I appreciate the feedback you have given me.
However, if my writing is causing you to hurt yourself or, worse, giving you the urge to hurt others then I suggest you stop. I don't care if you're an ocean or just a few blocks away, I do not want such things on my conscience.
@ Visiden Visidane
ReplyDeleteNo, don’t worry about that, I would never actually hurt someone due to being emotionally compromised. If anything, I’ve been more polite and respectful to people despite my lasting bad mood. Getting insane anger from a portrayal of someone innocent being in pain, particularly someone you care about, gives you a greater value for innocent people around you and greater hatred for people who are mean and oppressive.
I’m guessing that it was probably Twilight in particular that caused this reaction in me. I’m not new to grimdark, and I read cupcakes with my only response being general disgust. Up to this point in the story the grimdark was light enough not to bother me, and I’ll probably continue out of interest in the actual story, but if shit like that is going to continue to happen then I probably should stop while I’m ahead. That part crossed the line big time.
Nooo!!! was hoping it'd be longer, still... good chapter (29)
ReplyDeleteFor some reason, I think that if and when Celestia discovers that Terrato's brutality has been directed at Twilight, it'll be a breaking point for her.
ReplyDeletei started reading this at 10pm EST, it is now 2:50am EST. i regret nothing.
ReplyDeleteMunicipal Engines.
ReplyDeleteKeep in mind that the „Ultraloyalists“ are in fact led by Black Rose herself. So it’s not really another group, it is a part of the original Black Rose rebellion, only that (most) of the members don’t know about it, that they in fact work against Celestia.
And I have to compliment Visiden Visidane again for his efforts in writing this amazing story. It is greatly addicting and the atmosphere is quite dense. I get worked up by every new chapter and literally bite into my desk when I finished it because I get so agitated with it. Sometimes I want to scream at the actors what I as a reader know and what they don’t can see.
You don’t know how jumpy I was when Black Rose attacked Fenrir and stopped the negotiation. I was hoping the entire time, that Luna would fly after him to set the things straight but noooo This would have been to easy ^^’
But you know what? I hate you for having so much open threads you can spin on your marvellous storyline :P If a chapter with the royals comes out, I want to know what happened to the mane 6 meanwhile. If some of them are mentioned I wonder was Vanguard Clash was up to, while wondering what the enemy is about to do @.@
It has been a long time since I was so entangled by a story, be it fanfiction or regular literature in a book. I must lift my hat how you manage a plotline of that size. I can’t even imagine what it must be like to think and invent such a story and don’t get caught into your own web of intrigues, plot turns and character evolution.
Saying character evolution. I sincerely hope that Rainbow get back to senses ._. I do understand that the ponies _must_ change in their personality and that Rainbow is the most likely to be affected first. But still, those are all my favourite ponies! u.u (I can understand Celestias reasoning to “lock” her ponies away perfectly fine, even if it isn’t the “right” way)
And I’m really curious what you have to do to keep the story running. You do so fast updates that I almost believe you just write the story how it comes, but that can’t be true (or you’re just a natural ^^’ ) I for myself can’t think up big plots, just start writing and let it evolve (so I can’t write more than short stories at all) What do you do to outline your plotline, how do you come up with ideas? I’m really interested in how an authors “mind” work.
Nevertheless, even as I don’t know where this story would lead (I kind of share the worries of Municipal Engines the mess seems so BIG that I can’t think of an even remotely satisfying ending for Equestria but there’s still hope! ) I’m completely trapped in it. There is so much that could, should and probably would happen along the path and I wouldn’t miss it for anything in the world!
@Ratnap
ReplyDeleteThank you for the compliments and for your readership.
You do me too much credit if you think I have a solid outline for the plot. I'm not really an outliner sort of writer. I have a starting point and a projected finish line and then have fun trying to get there. I have, at best, a very general idea of what the resolution will be and this idea is constantly changing as I get more feedback and as ideas roll in. That and a list of characters just to make sure I don't forget anypony.
I get ideas from what I would guess the same place most fanfic writers get ideas from; books I've read, series/movies I've watched and games I've played.
I'm updating quickly now because the ideas are still coming in quite quickly. I'm not so optimistic as to expect this to continue all the way to the end. Perhaps I'll slow down at some point. (I also update quickly to torment people in this site with Twilight's giant staring face)
Celestia should visit her psychologist. She is already a paranoid conspiracy theory maniac.
ReplyDeleteLuna and Terrato better really overthrow her if they want Equestria to survive.
Keep it going Visiden. This is one of my fav stories now.
@Ratnap
ReplyDeleteXD I was actually really happy when fake Celestia stopped the negotiations. Even though it would be for the best and stop all the killing and all that, the thought of Luna becoming some giant wolf monster’s little slut is pretty repulsive.
your overuse and scathingly incorrect use of the semicolon drives me to insanity.
ReplyDeleteeach chapter, I hope & pray that it will get better, but it doesn't. yes, it looks pretty, but does not make any logical sense in about 90% of the time that they are used. love, love, LOVE the story, but if there is no rectification of this issue, my brain will break & I will be forced to stop reading the story.
sorry about the twilight sparkle-esque rant, but grammar is a really important thing to me & a story is just ruined by poor grammar. I also realize MY lack of proper grammar in this post, but that's because I'm a lazy mess. you're not because you're better than me. so stop abusing the semi colon, please, you're driving at least one person over the edge.
It would be good to see the enemy having similar internal problems that the Legion faces. Sides in a conflict are never truly united. In the Crusades, there was dispute and even open fighting between the Christian commanders and the Muslims were struggling for power between one another as well. Keep that in mind, but otherwise it's an awesome story.
ReplyDeleteGood Chap (#30), can't wait for some OP Twilight.
ReplyDeleteshort story short: i was begining to run out of good fanfiction and decided to give this a try, two words to descibe my feeling about it: THANK YOU...
ReplyDeletethis is fantastic, and those rare moments of humour in it is just making it even better xD this is the kind of story that i hope will never end, because it's just so good that i want it to entertain me forever :)
5 stars! and to anyone who might be in doupt about reading this, do it, i was douptful to but it's really great and i higly recommend it.
@Municipal Engines
ReplyDeleteI don't think that fits with the wolves pack mentality. Sure there are leadership challenges... But vs Fenrir? I highly doubt it.
5 stars, read it if you haven't.
ReplyDeleteOh dear. This story is starting to remind me of the Heavenly Turmoil (http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/10/story-heavenly-turmoil.html). I do hope it doesn't end like it though...
ReplyDeletePart 34 appears to be hidden. Here's the link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7360519/34/Upheaval_Breaking_Point
ReplyDeleteWoot, Tailwind is such a shipper
ReplyDelete@Alexei J. Humeniy That link appears to be also broken... unless its just me
ReplyDeleteI'm sitting here seeing a chapter up for a story I enjoy a good bit that I can't get to. This is how wars start, troops, attack the unmolested eastern front! If it's water then build some boats!
ReplyDeletePart 34 is hiden for me too, and that link Alexei J. Humeniy doesn't work either.
ReplyDelete@Visiden Visidane - Is the chapter working and it just didn't upload to fanfiction.net properly? If so, when can we expect it to show up... it's so hard waiting for something so awesome :DD
How odd. If I try to access it without signing into my ff.net account, 34 won't show up. But, when I sign in and manage my chapters, it's there.
ReplyDeleteLooks like it's cleared up. Try this http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7360519/34/Upheaval_Breaking_Point but you should be able to access it on your own.
ReplyDeleteI finally gave this story a try after seeing it update so often. Which explains why I was sleepy at work the next day. That was back when it was at 32; I'm putting this up at 34.
ReplyDeleteNice story, and I'm finding myself kind'a agreeing with Applejack and Spike a little with what they're thinking. Serves me right for finding what they're talking about a fascinating concept..
Read to chapter 34 and so far its the best fanfic I have ever read!!!
ReplyDeleteJust another congratulations ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this.
Congrats on earning five stars! This fic most definitely deserves the recognition.
ReplyDeleteInterrogator Twilight knows you're going to tell her what she needs to know because:
ReplyDelete1. She knows she has you wrapped around her hoof, or maybe it's just the shims driven into your soles
2. She wants you to be happy, and she knows that when she's not happy then you, by definition, cannot be happy... so logically, simply answer her questions so everyone can be happy
3. She REALLY doesn't want to bring Interrogator Fluttershy in on this one... paperwork's always ugly
Is it wrong that when reading such a wonderfully conceived story, so frequently updated but with such atypical quality per update, I feel guilty for being impatient for even moar updates?
ReplyDeletegah... don't mind me, carry on :)
@LighthouseX3 I'm in the same boat man
ReplyDeletethis fic needs a new pic, the current one has nothing to do with the story at all, I would draw one, but I suck at drawing
Title in Story Updates says '4 Star'
ReplyDeleteTag says '5 Star'
WHAT IS THIS SORCERY
Well, the actual rating is 4.5 so both are half-true.
ReplyDeleteScrew stars, only a few fics reach excellence of this one!
ReplyDelete@Sigurd Mjøllnersson: I agree, who needs stars?
ReplyDeleteUgh why does it have to leave at such a good point this ain't fair. SO EPIC NEED MOUR
ReplyDeleteMy favorite scenes in this story are when:
ReplyDeleteRedbrand acts like a father figure to Fluttershy and gets annoyed
When Vanguard and Twilight interact,
Or when Luna is having her sibling fights.
Also, I really hope Twilight confronts one these three somehow:
Pyre, cause she's like Twilight rival now,
ReplyDeleteBlack Rose just for an awesome comparison
And Celestia, just because.
Seriously, we need more Twilight confrontations.
Great ending of chap. 40. One of best chapters lately :P
ReplyDeleteAnyone else suspicious that the 6th rebellion was the rumored T & BR child mentioned a few chapters back, and that Twilight is a descendant of that child?
ReplyDeleteGreat story, love the quick updates!
OMGGGG this is getting incredibly intresting now... i'm gonna have to re read all of this soon, it's awesome :D
ReplyDelete@djthomp
i'm fairly sure that the author was referring to prince blueblood with that child actually...
@Wento that would explain how he's related to her
ReplyDelete@Wento I'm not sure I buy it as an explanation for Blueblood given the context of the story. Celestia welcoming her brother's lovechild into the royal court and acknowledging him & his descendants as relatives hardly seems like the best way to preserve the secret of the border lands, considering the brother in question doesn't even officially exist in the heartland.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, you make a good point about Blueblood. If Alicorn/pony cross-breeding counts as a rebellion, Blueblood & family could hardly openly exist (unless they are just unicorn nobility and not actually related to the Princesses).
@Wento you make a good point, but at least now we have a plausible explanation of how bluebood's her nephew
ReplyDeletethis fic also needs a new summary and a new picture, the current ones doesn't express the amount of awesomeness contained with in it, I might have a go at the summary, but my drawing skills are sh*t
ReplyDeleteWHY IS THIS NOT LEGENDARY
ReplyDeleteIt's the best story I've ever read.
EVER.
@GreatWhiteDave, I agree, it should have the legendary tag, but it hasn't reached the level of legendary-ness that FO:E or Past Sins has (not sure if that one has the legendary tag, it should though), first it needs around a 3rd of the fandom reading it, multiple spin-off stories (I'm imaging the possibilities O.o), and it's own group on deviant-art, with 20+ pics, we need to get cracking!
ReplyDeleteThis is MUCH MUCH BETTER than the description lead me to believe. I really hope the friendship problems get resolved soon'ish, it's driving me nuts. D:
ReplyDelete@Cedric Bale I know, someone needs to write a new summary for it, I might do it if I ever got motivated enough
ReplyDelete@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteYeah, from the current description, I was expecting Twilight to end up in a parallel reality or something, a`la World Without Rainbows. And then when she first appeared in the Barrier Lands, I thought she'd been sent backwards in time, another, slightly less common but still already done idea. But it ended up being something far more original that I hadn't seen before, something less fantastical than reality hopping and time traveling, making it more believable and easier to get pulled into. It's just a really good idea, written really well.
That said, I am actually kind'a getting tired of the siege setting. Is the whole fanfic going to take place during this siege, I wonder? I can't complain too much about that though, the author's done a great job of keeping the story varied and interesting anyways.
Mostly just responded so I can check that "Email follow-up comments to blah blah" box, lol. Can't seem to get that without commenting with the way the comments are set up right now. :(
well given the rate the plot advances with each chapter, we might be stuck in the siege setting for maybe 10+ chapters, though with the lastest chapter bastion city might get overrun (sorry if for spoilers, how far are you?), but who knows, I'm just speculating,
ReplyDeletean 'on the run' with just the mane6, vanguard, and scarlet rabbit would be interesting
Hmmm,,, what would be a good theme song for this story....
ReplyDeleteI know!
'This is War' by 30 Seconds to Mars
3 fan art pics, now we need 17 more, 500 spin offs... (Grabs computer and starts typing up spinoff.)
ReplyDeleteI think the fan art captures the overall feel of the story, though they made me see just how much blood the author wrote into the story (my mind kinda skipped over the blood parts, or just didn't register it), so now seeing the pictures is making me go back and see just how much blood there really is, (not that having that much blood is a bad thing)
ReplyDeleteOh god, I NEED to know what happens next. All three siblings in Bastion during an attack? Fenrir's gonna' smell them and think it's a trap, and he's totally going to break the pact.
ReplyDeleteI probably should start commenting on that fanfic here as well (so far I only did it on FF.net)
ReplyDeleteI love that story, I love it so much I actually made those moderately accurate fanarts =P
And I will make more if time allows it... but I'd actually love to see someone else, preferably more talented them myself, do something as well. this story is so epic and vast there's a lot of material to work with.
as for the amount of blood, I could have overdo it a little... I think I should tone it down next time, because people might get scarred to read it, the length itself is pretty scary at this point, and unless *spoiler* we're getting closer to the final confrontation since all major players will be in the same place at the same time */spoilers* this may as well go for a little while.
@stringtheory
ReplyDelete(Same here! Also, we need some spin-off's, this story has so many places it can go.
For example, we are kinda focused in the North section of the Barrier Lands, and the war is focused on the Wolven. But I recall that there are multiple races who don't like Equestria.
If a spin-off can show off these different armies and areas in the Barrier Lands, then someone write it. Or I will. (Already scheming evilly.)
@Set, knowing the author, he'll go to western equestria vs. the ursas (bears) and southern equestria vs. 'what ever the snakes are called', AND have a complex cast of characters for each, plus have intertwined conspiracies/plots for both, and more awesome writing.
ReplyDeleteor he could just end it in the next couple of chapters with the epic battle+an epilogue, to not take FO:E's status of 'having the most updates', hope not though
if he ends it, I will try to write a spin-off
@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteOh, also, perhaps a story about one of the Black Rose rebellions, the ones that used her name. Heck, maybe some pissed of unicorn stumbles upon a cache of magical information from Black Rose.
I mean, come on, wouldn't Black Rose write down all the spell's she learned or something? Just think about it....
@Set she seems like the type to NOT write down her spells, just to stop others from getting that power, plus terrato would've destroyed her records if she had even kept them (hmm....alternate plot line, maybe?)
ReplyDelete@stringtheory
ReplyDelete(Maybe.) Hey, maybe we could have a prequel to all of this, heck, even before that whole pact thing with how the god guys can't kill each other in battle....
Also, just because the inner shipper in me is screaming, maybe a short one-shot with Black Rose and Terrato before all the conflict arose. Even if she's the antagonist, I still think her devotion to Terrato is quite romantic.
But I just went off our discussion topic didn't?
Anyway's, I just want some more expansion on the universe of Upheavel. I mean, if the author plays thing's right, it could become another one of those fanfictions that people write spin-off's about.
Also, don't you want to see a battle with Pyre and Twilight.... I mean seriously, why does Pyre hate Twilight so much. Why does she hate Twilight more than the other 'chosen' I really don't get her hatred, but I do love the fight scenes between them.
@Set did someone say epic demi-god battles? because that would be AWESOME!
ReplyDeleteI think the shipping with black rose and terrato is canon, because in the latest chapter, she calls him 'beloved'. Black Rose strikes me as an 'all according to plan' type of villain, having her plans in place years/decades in advance
heck, the author doesn't need to do anything to make the universe friendly to spin-off's, there's already so much potential, it's as big of a world as FO:E, maybe even bigger
I think it's because twilight is the only chosen pyre met, so she channels her rage into twilight, plus being a skilled magic user also brings in jealousy, maybe see twilight in the role which she used to fill makers her even madder, but yeah the fight scenes are awesome. Pyre seems to me to be the opposite of Black Rose as she's more of the 'who needs a grand plan, when you have massive firepower?' type of villain
@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteEpic-Demi God battles.... I know awesome.
I also am curious. If Terrato, Luna, Celestia, and Discord all came from the Eternal Herd... then where did these other Demi-gods come from? Oceanus made the ponies, but what about these Wolven, and where did other gods come from?
Did the author ever explain that?
Also, I agree that the universe can have a lot of potential. What I meant was this:
When I first became a Brony, even I knew about FO:E. Yet. There are comics, art, MUSIC videos, and even animations, and mods.
But Upheaval:BP doesn't have a lot of pictures, or anything that is major. I think the biggest problem is that the story is on Fanfiction.net.
Fanfiction.net is not a good place to gain a lot of reader's at least in Bronies. However FO:E was posted on Equestria Daily. An entire site based on bronies.
Even though we have links to Fanfiction.net, most people actually think all fanficton.net stories are terrible, and don't click the link. (Most of them are though.)
Another is the fact that no one outside of FF.net or Equestria Daily know's about this story.
I asked people on FIMfiction about Upheaval and they said they had no idea what I was talking about.
Do you get what I'm saying, I mean that if people start working with the author to help make it awesome, the fic might spread faster.
Maybe we could ask that Adalbertus guy if he could make a new title image for the story. Make it look Legendary, you know?
Way off topic but is it sad that if the MAne Six survive this, and you know, Wolven are kicked out of the city, I want Twilight to just get pissed and rant at Celestia?
Even if it's completely out of character for Twilight.
ReplyDeleteFinally ran out of things to read, and always saw this on the updates and was interested. I now am up way too late for how early I have to wake up and have no intention of going to sleep. This is excellent.
ReplyDelete@Set the origins of the leaders of the other races hasn't been explained yet
ReplyDeleteI know nothing when it comes to the various places to publish fan-fics, because I've never published a fan-fic, so I'm just smiling and nodding my head here
I already suggested to Adalbertus, that he should draw a new title image, he replied that he would think about it, because he had no idea what to draw
well, that's for the author to know and for us to find out ;)
@Set
ReplyDeleteyes... title image... I don't really feel too qualified to draw it, but I'm planning to give it a try anyway.. I just need to get some sleep first:| and have more practice with drawing (those three are my first pony fanarts and first pictures made using a graphic tablet)... and maybe an idea or inspiration...
as for the other demi-gods... wasn't it said somewhere that there were those who followed Oceanus' rebellion and were cast down with him, and after that they created their own children? and while ponies got protection and guidance, those other creatures did not and became twisted and savage.
I think it's in the chapter with pony-genesis and rebellions story.
as for the location of the story, it has quite few comments in FF.net . I wouldn't say it's in a bad place, it's just not advertised enough. To be honest, I have no idea what and how one would do that, but I'm sure more active bronies could bring some light to this shiny gem :)
Whoa! I just had a thought. Just think about this for a sec.
ReplyDeleteTwilight Sparkle is obviously more focused on in the story, and Pyre Valor wants her dead. Vanguard told her if she followed Pyre's path she would end up like Pyre.
But then we also have Black Rose, once Terrato's protege, and the similarities between them are shocking.
Now lets compare these characters together.
Pyre Valor is more like the exact opposite of Twilight, not focusing on control and her opinions on chosen. And she is a lot more raged filled.
I think this is what could happen if Twilight doesn't keep her anger in check. A path of fire and blood.
But Black Rose is more like a darkened mirror of Twilight, being more power-hungry, but having almost exact traits, being devoted to Terrato, but is doing this for his own good, in her opinion.
This is what could happen if Twilight became more powerful and thus decided to take matters into her own hoofs.
I think all of this is leading up to a moral choice for Twilight. A choice to be more like Pyre or Black Rose. But is there a third choice?
Hey guys, I typed in Upheavel: Breaking point in google and guess what I found.
ReplyDeleteChapter One narrated!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FHgPAdeDL5Q
@Set
ReplyDeletewoah, that is really a nice find there :D
as for Twilight and her choices, I think there is the third option - and the main focus of the story, preserving herself despite all the odds...
@Adalbertus Morridath
ReplyDeleteI know, the author even commented on the video.
That's what I'm thinking too, about Twilight at least.
Also, have you thought of doing a drawing of Vanguard?
@Set There's recordings for the first 3 chapter if u didn't know already, I submitted all of them, so hopefully they should show up here soon
ReplyDelete@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteAwesome sauce stringtheory.
Also, about the whole spin off stuff, I also realized something.
Wouldn't have Black Rose had followers when she first had the revolt? Spin off inspiration!
@Set yeah, most likely, it's YOUR spin-off after all so you can do whatever you want with it...
ReplyDelete@Set
ReplyDeleteI had few scenes with Vanguard in mind, but unfortunately I don't have much time lately. I tried to draw character sheets and references for upheaval, but I only have 4 unfinished sketches. I do however work on something like a poster. just tossing random ideas at my brain to work with at the moment, because I have no idea how to advertize this story without spoiling it for new readers... hopefully the next chapter will have enough epic scenes that I could simply use :D
And as of few hours ago there is reading of chapter 4.
just read On A Cross And Arrow and 'the 63rd rune', am now thinking what a gender-swapped upheaval would look like...and I think it would be exactly the same with just name changes and changed pronouns, maybe a few scenes would have to be slightly re-written, but nothing major...mind not blown
ReplyDeleteHmm, it seem's like Upheaval updates every week, meaning if my calculations are correct, the update might occur tonight or tomorrow.
ReplyDelete@Set it used to update twice a week, but I guess the author got hit with a lot of stuff in real life, or FO:E fans have kidnapped him to stop upheaval from taking the title of 'most updates' away from FO:E
ReplyDelete@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteThen we must free the author! Prepare the legion for war string! For Equestria!
@Set this will be a hard fight, they have guns, grenades, missiles,and...magical guns
ReplyDeleteall we have are crossbows and swords, but we have better organization, a war machine (kinda), and alicorns who are demi-gods
I say we go after their leaders first, once they are taken out, the resulting power vacuum should do the rest
the one called lilpip seems to be a particularly inspiring one, so taking her out should deal a blow to their moral, but we should be careful of the 'martyr effect' which would give them a rallying point to gather around
@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteAh, but we have Nightmare Moon, we could use her possessing abilities to turn Little Pip into our ally. And then we could send Fenrir and use is fear Abilities to make them unable to attack us! It was only until Luna appeared that it made Fenrir's abilities cease.
You see! We have all the tools we need...
@Set
ReplyDeleteoh, I thought we only had the equestrian legion at our disposal, but if we have the whole world on our side then we would win, because while they are just small disunited factions, WE ARE (the equestrian) LEGION! (had to put that in)
though don't NMM's possessing powers only work on an accepting target? I don't think lilpip would agree to sharing her body with basically the incarnation of evil.
using fenrir might work, but we would have to keep him safe from snipers (which would be extremely hard considering he's a 30+ foot tall giant wolf), plus there's the problem of celestia one (the last remaining re-fireable mega-spell (read WMD)), I don't think even fenrir could survive a nuclear blast,
plus on finding out that the FO:E universe's Luna was killed by Zebras, he might just go off and reek havoc them instead of the ponies
I assume you've read FO:E...right? (who hasn't?)
I haven't finished it yet... but I'm pretty close to :)
ReplyDeleteAs for updates... I am hoping for a long chapter this time, since all previous updates were twice a week and it would be really nice to have the entire battle in one chapter… unless Visiden Visidane will treat us with a sudden change of scenery and focus on something unrelated… but even he wouldn't be that cruel. It's either NMM vs the mane six or the arrival of Celestia and... well... whatever will happen then.
As for the most updated... of longest... Ii think it would be better to finish one story and write another one, than to try to compete with FO:E. This is a completely different story, different narration, with many main characters and a plot that doesn't get side-tracked just to abuse the main character some more only to have her magically healed, teleported or saved by her friends (or random encounters) at the last moment.
As for who would win… Upheaval's main character is Twilight, and in FO:E she's epic an level mage… I really like Littlepip (she's basically my Fallout character) but she doesn't have a chance here.
My apologies for the delay. This chapter was a bit of a headache and a strong reminder for me to never have another fight scene with ten named characters to keep track of. I still don't think I've done the fight justice so revisions will be made after initial reactions.
ReplyDeletePlease avoid making comparisons with other fics, even in a joking manner. The last thing I want is a fan of said fics coming in here and starting something because he/she felt that the fic was disrespected.
As for the image, I've actually grown quite fond of giant staring Twilight. Getting a new image is not really a high priority for me.
@Visiden Visidane
ReplyDeleteI have a little w.i.p that in a way incorporates staring Twilight… well, my take on her at least. But don't worry, it's more of a poster project then anything official for this page and this picture already became sot of a trade mark for the story, so I wouldn't even want to change it at this point. :)
And I agree that fanfic wars is the last thing we need…
My review from FF.net just in case:
Now this is what I was talking about :) Rarity kicks flanks and the whole battle was really keeping me on the edge. A little low on Pinkie's involvement, but that was t be expected.
As I suspected, there is no harmony between the elements of harmony and even with superior fighting skills they couldn't actually defeated NMM.
As for… possession(?) of Twilight by Black Rose... I wonder what will happen now. She wants to get closer to Celestia to attack her? Or maybe whisper more lies to her about what is going on? We know Terrato is right behind Celestia and he will probably immediately recognize BR… this is getting really interesting.
It also creates a question if Black Rose orchestrated it all, or was she just counting on luck. Probably the former, but that would mean she took her time organizing it up to every tiny detail. Still, an alicorn could do this.
Please, don't keep us waiting too long for the next chapter :p
@Visiden Visidane
ReplyDeleteOkay I'll stop, now that we know you weren't kidnapped ;)
the chapter was really good, there were just too many things to keep track of, this is where you should break it down into smaller chapter or sections focusing on one or two characters each, though that would draw the battle out and you said you wanted the battle finished in one chapter, so you outdid yourself on this lastest chapter, great job!
for me the title image has always been a placeholder until someone found/drew an awesome picture to replace it. same with the description, it's just so...generic
@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteThis chapter was awesome... but now we have to wait for a week for the whole Terrato confronts Celestia and Celestia realizes her mistakes.. or just causes another fight.
Don't you hate waiting string?
ARGH
ReplyDeleteYOU
AND YOUR
CLIFFHANGERS
D:
@Set
ReplyDeleteeh, if waiting means getting a story which is of this quality, I'll gladly wait a week, but Visidane had spoiled us with TWICE A WEEK updates, so now adjusting to once a week updates is a little bit of a shock to me.
on the plot: or some other huge plot changing effect comes along and pushes the story into a totally different direction, though the story does seem to be heading towards its climax or maybe just another, though the story seems to move in short bursts of huge distance, some chapters don't move the plot along much, while some move it huge distances
@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteI'm torn between wanting this story to go on and on, and wanting to see some kind of conclusion right now.
No matter the outcome of current events, the world will change drastically creating enormous scene for sequels and spinoffs. On the other hand this current plot line keps me on the edge of the seat all the time and I don't want it to end.
Especially now when we're just about to step into something really big with all the pawns almost in places… Terrato is a teleportation away from joining in on a party. Luna's probably out of the game for now, as are Twilight's friends. Black Rose I'm guessing took over Twilight's body to get close enough to Celestia and she knows Terrato is on his way so she will do it soon. Applejack is the Queens champion and she probably will see through it soon enough… and there still is Fenrir who might join the party himself as he's convinced that Celestia attacked him earlier. Yes… things are about to get messy and it's going to happen soon.
With this setup it's either a grand finale or a prelude to a huge disaster… or both.
@Adalbertus Morridath
ReplyDeleteI don't want the story to end, it's just too awesome
but yes, the world will be forever changed by the events in the story allowing huge potential for spin-offs and sequels, I might just write a spin-off myself
The awesomeness of this story us exactly the reason why I think it should be divided into few episodes. That is if there is more to the story then what would be needed to conclude the current story arc.
ReplyDeleteFor one, it's a good marketing option, having a series of fics is better then having one that is really, really long. It scares off less people because of it's apparent length. It also gives the author some time to catch a breath, think about what to do next and stuff like that.
I can read a 100 more chapters of this story but a new reader who will see 144 chapters would say thanks, but no, no matter how many good reviews it will get. But having 3 fanfics, 50 chapters each doesn't look that scary.
@Adalbertus Morridath
ReplyDeleteum, speaking for myself any fic which is over 10 chapters, is pretty scary, because I have to usually spend an afternoon reading it if it 10+ chapters, bordom helps a lot in convincing to start reading new fics
@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteI usually look for longer fics. And mind you, I'm not native English speaker so it takes me more time to read and process them :p but yes, boredom helps, the problem is, I usually suffer from lack of free time and a lot f things I have to do or want to do. Upheaval up to chapter 34 I think took me a weekend, whole weekend, including a better part of the night =D FA:O..well... this s week two and the first half I listened to on youtube at work.
@Adalbertus Morridath
ReplyDeleteI consider myself a rather fast english reader (only language I know), but I dislike reading large bodies of text on backlit screens (not sure why)
I suffer from having a lot of free time (being a student) but having very little motivation to do anything with my copious amounts of it.
I remember staying up most of a night reading upheaval and FO:E as well ;)
New chapter!:D
ReplyDeletesecond this week
we're back to our regular schedule!
My FF.net review from chapter 45 that isn't here yet, spoilers for those who didn't read it yet:
This comment should start with a sufficiently strong expression of my feeling I just couldn't do without using stronger language, so I'll just skim that part
Did… Black Rose just Alicorned herself? Just like that? And took over Celestia's powers? And became the new goddess of the sun? I mean… wow… this is… well… I was actually thinking that it won't happen, that she will either be stopped or she will fail…. This complicates things… a lot.
Once again you just left me with my jaw on my desk.
And I had to read it twice, very slowly just to make sure I'm not missing something (not that you wrote it wrong, my mind had problems processing it)
So is Celestia a normal unicorn now, or does she still have wings? What will happen to Equestia proper now? Even if the barrier is still up (it wasn't constantly sustained by Celesita) as well as all the enchantments on wildlife there, Black Rose will take it down… in fact that might be her first order of business now that Bastion City is safe. I don't really think she'll be welcomed in Canterlot and chaos after Celestia's disappearance will be huge.
As for Black Rose herself… I'm really starting to like her. She indeed organized it all, or at least predicted it… up to Nightmatre Moon's fight with Twilight and friends. That means she either has some king of precognitive powers or her plan is merely few months old. I hope this will be explained now that we know what the plan was and that it worked. And she's not a cold-hearted hag like you made us believe after the way she dispatched the traitors and drained the unicorns to create super mana battery. Still.. sending spec ops squad to their deaths in Canterlot and killing many innocent ponies on their way there kinda sucks. Luna's still my favorite princess/goddess/alicorn.
As for the future… I have no idea what now. You probably have something awesome cooked up for us. I can only guess that Twi&friends will try to get Celestia's powers back, potentially use the elements of harmony to do that and maybe each of them discover her special powers (AJ's truth shield being one of them I'm guessing) and Celstia, now pretty much on mercy of her younger siblings, will have to rethink her worldview.
Like I said, this wasn't what I was expecting… you surprised me again… and I want more :D
@Adalbertus Morridath
ReplyDeleteI'm just as shocked as you are, that was a very unexpected plot twist
Black Rose left Celestia with just enough power to sustain her immortality, so I guess she has the same level of power as twilight now
I guess we'll find out if Black Rose takes down the barrier and the repercussions of it in the next chapter.
Right now I'm considering Black Rose as being a 'Just as Planned' type of villain who is very good at xanatos speed chess (source: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/XanatosSpeedChess), I might even consider her a Magnificent Bastard (source: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MagnificentBastard) just because she meets all the requirements for being one
I have no clue where this story is going and I don't care, the ride is fun enough
...... Black Rose, you haven just recived the "I WIN" Award. Now rule the world, Black Rose, rule it.
ReplyDeleteThis is a truly great read! A real treat for any reader who is into the genre and I'd recommend it to anyone, without a doubt. But (oh yes, the dreaded "but") not without a few words of warning.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love long stories, it leaves so much room for world building and character development... but not when that long story reads like I'm watching an episode of Bleach. The pacing... it's off, there's no other way to put it. The story is deceivingly long at 44 generously lengthy and thoughtfully worded chapters... each one covering about 5 minutes of actual plot (regardless of time jumps; you know what I'm getting at). There's a minimum of padding, which is absolutely wonderful, but sometimes it feels like the author just wants a cliff hanger, so he'll cut it off whenever one happens to fit best. That's... okay, if you don't mind waiting a few updates before reading so it feels like something has actually been accomplished. Sadly, I'm not kidding.
We spend way, way too long jumping from character to character so that we get everyone's thoughts on the "latest" event (which the reader would have entirely forgotten if it wasn't summarized). Then something new happens and we go again. I'm guessing after this latest (and positively thrilling) battle, maybe... five chapters for the next round of character development that is moving along at a pace icebergs mock. The relationships are getting deeper and more complicated, but it took so long to get here that it's lost some of its value. Each pony is crucial to the plot. There are just so many strings that must be tugged just right to get whatever twist ending we're heading toward, that I fear all we'll get soon is a big knot... It needs something to reintroduce that magnificent, lingering feeling of awe and anticipation I've come to expect from this story. If it's not overstepping my bounds as a reviewer, two personal favorite scenarios would be either the Mane 6 finally let it all out into the open or Terrato finally FINALLY resolving some of the tension with Twilight by confronting her after he snaps a bit under the building pressure on his shoulders since she is either the author's chew toy or absolute favorite and giving her the short end of the stick every single time is his way of showing this deep affection (and if that IS the case, I whole-heartedly approve and can cease wanting to smack Terrato, hehe)... Really, I'm just dying to see something happen between those two, but right now, it's being all but ignored in-story (intentionally invoked by Terrato, I might note, but... maybe, just give it time...).
That's really all I had bouncing around my head though. Otherwise, I adore this story and applaud all the work that has already gone into it. Since I've been here since Chapter 1, thank you for such a wonderful ride and I can't wait for more~
P.S. The page image is what made me read this in the first place. Seriously. Well played, my friend, well played.
@Faux
ReplyDeleteI agree that the plot moves at the speed of an iceberg most of the time, but when you're doing two chapters a week (which is amazing), you kinda need to spilt up some chapters which should be just one (like 28 and 39), just to give yourself time to come up with the stuff for the next chapter
regarding the plot, maybe the 'grand re-introduction' will be a move into west or south Equestria (the story's barley even talked about the other regions), after the plot lines involving north equestria are finished up (or just continued), I'm still waiting for Vanguard and Twilight to hook up, that plot line has been bouncing around for the past 30 chapters but hasn't gone very far, maybe that will be at the very end if the story ends in the next 3-4 chapters?
@stringtheory
ReplyDeletesorry meant, chapters 38 and 39
HNNNG YES THIS IS GETTING SO DAMN GOOD.
ReplyDelete@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteAh, that makes much more sense. Or, at least, puts things in perspective. Still, my general philosophy when it comes to writing (well, everything, really) is quality over quantity. I think I could live with an update every one or two weeks, heh. You still have a very good point though.
Hmm... Vanguard and Twilight have their issues to work out, I definitely agree there, but considering how the author likes to throw monkey wrenches into things, they've got a loooong way to go IF anything happens between them (I foresee something involving Applejack, there have been so many hints). And those other regions... sounds like a sequel hook and that's totally not a bad thing since this story seems to be winding down for one of the author's famous (infamous?) cliff hangers.
@Faux
ReplyDeletewell vanguard and twilight both know they like each other (see chapter 34), they just haven't admitted it to each other yet, possibly because there hasn't been a life threatening situation involving only them since chapter 34, which was when they became aware of their like for the other one through someone else (tailwind (his mom) for vanguard, and spike for twilight),
I was expecting the admittance of feelings to happen during the battle with NNM, but I guess there were too many other ponies, to be good, personally I'm expecting it to be at the end of the story, if it's ending in a few chapters, or if the story goes on, it will be either during/after said life threatening battle/event/situation
personally I'm expecting a 'battle couple' (link: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BattleCouple) relationship between them, which is to be expected in legion relationships because of the danger
@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteWith the way this story makes me feel after every chapter, I don't think I want to wait more then a week for another update and although I see what you mean about the pacing and how the story flows, but to be honest, I don't mind it all that much. Up to this point there were just too many characters, plots and side stories to be introduced. Right now, despite a well placed bomb that seemingly put everything up side down, we have a much clearer picture: we know who the enemy is, we have a clear goal and after some cleaning up, a clear path to follow (by "we" I mean Twilight and friends of course). There are still obstacles ahead and knowing the author, every of the things I mentioned above will fell apart the moment they leave the city gates, but that's another story:P
Anyway, what I'm saying here is, in a way, with all the things that happened and with the tight schedule and an impressing speed we get new chapters, this is more then we could ever ask for :) Who knows, maybe once this story is finished we'll get a revised version where those problems would be fixed?
As for Twilight and Vanguard... I don't think they had any time to talk to each other. Between AJ being injured to Luna dropping out of nowhere in a pretty bad shape there were other things to do., not to mention now they have an ex-alicorn princess that needs to be taken care of and mounting a rescue mission to save the world or something. And again, knowing the author's current count of easy things to do that went ok = 0 I suspect we're in for a Twilight-Vanguard-Applejack love triangle and maybe some more interactions between the main cast that would build up the pressure instead of toning it down (Scarlet-Dash "relationship" that everyone hate and Fluttershy's mission to save the old doctor's soul for example). I also wouldn't expect any confessions between Vanguard and Twiligt during fights, they are...well... for the lack of better word, too professional for it. They both value concentration and focus during those moments too much. Besides, fight with NMM was way too intensive. Maybe if they were left to themselves later... maybe but in the current situation I don't think so.
As for the other regions... I don't know... I don't see any reason for them to go there and after what happened to Fenrir's army I think the other two enemy demi-gods will think twice before mounting an attack.
@Adalbertus Morridath
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with you on the waiting part, especially with EVERY SINGLE chapter ending with a damn cliffhanger
well now we have a clear plot to follow, no doubt there will be many bumps in the road, plus a huge chasm (knowing Visidane, every single bump will be a chasm)
I don't think there will be a love triangle with applejack, she never really expressed any attraction towards Vanguard, but now that Twocolt, has been shown to be a traitor, she might suffer from an episode of 'why did I trust him?' and need a shoulder to lean/cry on (but knowing applejack, she'll be fine, or get over it extremely fast), so maybe a love triangle after all?
I think scarlet-dash relationship is more of a competition/comradeship relationship not romantic, or maybe it might turn out that way, which will be interesting where that goes
and fluttershy saving Redbrand's soul might be left hanging because the mane6+Vanguard+Scarlet are going after Black Rose, but knowing Visidane, he'll end that plotline very well
The character who will probably have the biggest load of guilt on their shoulders will be spike, because Black Rose tricked him into using that soul jar on twilight, thus letting Black Rose take Celestia's power
@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteBy Scarlet-Dash relationship I didn't mean any romantic (pleas god, no) kind but rather what you said. It still makes every one of RD's friends worry and now that every interested party survived I think AJ's hooves have a date with Scarlet's backside.
Spike and Rarity will feel guilty for aiding Black Rose but it all will also be hard for Twilight. The next chapter or two will most probably be about dealing with all the mess. Celestia will be the most traumatized, worried sick about her ponies in Equestria proper without any means to go there (Terrato is the only alicorn with enough power to send her there and he won't do it) not to mention lousing her powers and being stuck surrounded by "monsters". Luna's out of the game for a while and I don't know how traumatizing her encounter with Nightmare Moon was.
As for AJ and Twocolt, the bad thing is he'll most probably be executed as a traitor and AJ won't like this at all.
@Adalbertus Morridath
ReplyDeleteOH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE? must delete that post before the author sees it and gets any ideas...eh not worth it, the damage probably has already been done and if Visidane does do Scarlet-Dash shipping, he'll do it so well we won't care...I hope
pretty accurate plot summary of the next few chapters, you've got there, although you forgot the part where Black Rose goes into the Heartland and takes down the barrier
eeyup, a whole lot of guilt will come crashing down on Spike, Rarity, and Twilight in the next few chapters, and Twilight will need a shoulder to cry on, so maybe the start of a relationship with Vanguard after all?
Well that's assuming the legion can find Twocolt, which they probably will, and yes I agree that while Applejack will object to having Twocolt executed, there's very little she could do to stop it, plus her friends will probably be against her on this one, on the whole grounds of him being traitorous willingly (not being tricked into it or anything) and everything
@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteTwocolt was tricked though. He still believes he is helping Equestria. Black Rose lied to him, saying that the ponies she killed were killed by Terrato, so he was tricked.
@Set
ReplyDeleteTwocolt might as well give himself In if He realizes what He Has done… I've been thinking about it and I think that even if Terrato will want to punnish him, we have Celestia there who might not be happy to be a reason for anypony's execution.
But we all know that we can guess an predict the future and after reading next chapter we'll still be picking up out jaws from the floor… :p
new chapter!
ReplyDelete*spoiler* my thoughts on it:
So... at the end of this chapter all we know is that Terrato is pissed off… and we didn't quite got a cliffhanger this time :p
The future, again, looks pretty interesting. Celestia's barrier is down and the princess is forced to brake the uncomfortable news to her subjects… and that would probably come with rehabilitation of Twilight and her friends (who are still officially banished and considered traitors or something).
Next few chapters will be about taking back FangBreaker fortress, although there is little strategic value in keeping it for wolvem, I actually suspect they will try to deal as much damage to it as possible and maybe set up a trap to take as many legionnaires as possible to slow down Terrato’s advance. As for Nightmare Moon, I suspect now she'll be at odds with Pyre who got what she wanted. The Legion is strong and the barrier is down. Wolver are retreating and there is no need for her pact with NMM to continue. Of course it doesn't mean they will part ways, but the cooperation will be significantly less smooth this time and the only common goal they have is to kill Twilight.
Speaking of her, Twilight does have a death wish confronting Terrato like this and I agree with him in a way. She's young, inexperienced little pony and she judges an immortal being who sacrificed a lot for his sister and what he got in return was far from pleasant. I suspect some time in next few chapters we'll have a very touchy scene between Celestia and Twilight and later Celestia and Terrato. Luna can join too, she's the smartest alocorn so far :p
Final thoughts: this was ans awesome chapter exactly for the last part and a lot of insight into Terrato's bitter heart and how he sees it all now.
Huh. Terrato sounds... jealous. Jealous and increasingly unstable.
ReplyDelete@Hagil
ReplyDeleteI don't know if he sounds jealous, just very hurt and incredibly confused by Celestia. He pretty much devoted his entire life to her for 1000 years, she never even tries to contact him, and now it looks like she values a pony who she has only known for not even 2 decades over him. I think anyone would be incredibly hurt and his way of showing that hurt is to do what he does best, lashing out. Twilight doesn't help the situation by trying to act like she is the better and almost shouting 'I'm morally better then you!'
@Mooch
ReplyDeleteNow, now, Twilight isn't the villain here either. She's used to having control of the situation around her and Princess Celestia's guidance. Without it, combined with these new circumstances, I believe it's really wearing on her resolve and all she can do to keep it together is stick to her convictions and hope its enough. Unfortunately, so far, it hasn't been enough and she's stuck. Twilight is Terrato's legionnaire, but she is Celestia's student first and that is her true loyalty. Terrato's attitude isn't helping matters and, unfortunately, he's being portrayed as the more sympathetic of the two when there is so much to respect and like about both characters. I think Twilight wants to understand Terrato and be able to rely on him, but he doesn't want to BE understood because he resents her, just exactly as you said. He won't trust her and Twilight can't trust him back, so she'll challenge him until she understands more than "I'm older and wiser, so shut up." It's how she is. Maybe they'll get it together soon, if Terrato is pushed enough...
@Faux
ReplyDeleteYou put it better than I could've, so here's my only thing to add:
I don't think Terrato, will/could ever truly trust a mortal pony again after what happened with Black Rose, especially involving his sister, who he trusted and loved for at least 1000+ years (probably more like 2000+), who just lost her power to Black Rose of all ponies, which makes it twice as hard on him, because he was the one who trusted Black Rose in the first place, and twilight just seems a little too similar to Black Rose sometimes...
UPHEAVAL UPDATES, Y U SO SHORT?!?!?!
ReplyDeleteI'm too spoiled by the length of Project Horizons chapters!
Still really enjoying this one, I'm really wondering what's going to happen with the heartland and the veil being lifted from their eyes...
@Hagil
ReplyDeleteTerrato probably feels more guilty then Spike, Rarity and Twilight together because he's the one who made Black Rose what she is now, or at least he made the first step. In the end everything he was giving himself and a reason to fight for a 1000 years fell down.
As for Twilight, just like stringtheory said, she's a little bit too similar to black Rose in Terrato's eyes. She already rebelled against her teacher and she was instrumental in Celesta's downfall, as unintentional and unwilling as it was on her part, and she still gets more attention from his sister then he does after a millennium of loyal service. Not only that but Twilight confronts him on every occasion and probably has a point in doing so every now and then which annoys him even further
Probably Black Rose did exactly the same things, she confronted him, pointed out his mistakes or criticized his actions. When Twilight does it now it's probably a painful reminder of it.
Twilight still thinks “Hearthland style” just like Celestia, she wants to save one pony at the time with as low costs as possible. Terrato lived in a land at war for ten centuries, for him throwing an entire legion at war at a cost of hundreds of pony lives is justified if it's going to save tens of thousands more because it may end the war on one of three fronts. His sister and Black Rose aren't going anywhere and with Celestia's world order in ruins he can get reinforcements and resources from rich Hearthland now to pull that off with even lower losses in pony lives. That is what Twilight wanted, right? For Hearthland to help and fight. But instead of doing the right thing she goes ho him and accuses him of dancing on the fresh corpse of Celestia's dreams. Who wouldn't be pissed off about that?
I love Twilight, but I'm with Terrato here.
Hey, if This series was an anime what song would you use?
ReplyDeleteMine would be, 'This is War'
@Set
ReplyDeleteyou've already told us this, like two and half weeks ago
I do have to agree on your choice of song though
I'm considering putting together a trope list for this story, though I'll probably miss like 90% of them, too bad you can't edit posts
ReplyDelete@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteHow sad, I just realized this story isn't even on the series's Fanfic Recs page on tvtropes... Maybe it'll get its own page someday though.
@Faux
ReplyDeletewho said we couldn't make one... ;)
well upheaval's not very well known/popular probably for the reason's stated by Set in this comment: here
personally I think part of the reason why it' s not very well known is because the picture is rather generic (this is my opinion, most other people in this thread seem to like it), and the description isn't very...descriptive (someone said it made the story sound like an alternate dimension/universe story)
I might get to writing a new description one of these days, though I've said this a couple of times now and I still haven't done it, though I think the one on FF.net is pretty good,
if you're reading this Visidane, I think you should have the EQD staff replace the current one here with the FF.net one (if the description CAN be changed once the fic has been established)
@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteI like the image here, but I'm...well.. working on something. not sure if it will count as a title page, because of spoilers... and insufficient art skills... and stuff, but I hope it could promote the story somehow. it would be awesome to attract few more talented artists to this story, but most of the ones I know are rather busy and don't have time reading through 46+ chapters :( besides, I don't really sit too deep in the fandom so maybe any of you guys could pull some strings or drop few links :p
As for description:
Equestria is a land of magic and harmony, a peaceful realm ruled by immortal,benevolent monarchs. But at what cost is this possible? A fateful encounter leads Twilight Sparkle to find out exactly how.
Indeed this one is much better :)
@Adalbertus Morridath
ReplyDeletecan't wait to see your new picture!
as for spoilers, just drawing a pony in appropriate armor like Vanguard would probably work, or maybe Terrato battling fenrir, that would be awesome
hey, don't beat up on yourself, you're a very good artist
I don't sit too deep either, so maybe someone else then
glad someone agrees with me on changing the description
@stringtheoryoh, it's far more complicated then just a pony in armor/barding, although I ho have Vanguard on it :D
ReplyDeleteI hope to get it tone by the end of the weekend. I just have to add few more elements of the background, shading and redo line arts on...well... most of the ponies on it. and I think I'll remake twilight again, because I simply can't get her right, and my favorite pony deserves nothing less then perfection :D
Oh god.... I can't image out of my head, One stupid thought and boom, my mind start's making horrible fanfictions, Curse the inner shipper in me for I somehow have start thinking about:
ReplyDeletePyre Valor x Twilight Sparkle.
DAMN YOU TERRATO!(Gets whipped.)
@Set
ReplyDeleteForgive me for asking this but... would that be Pyre Valor finding Twilight attractive suddenly and trying to take advantage of her, or would it be more of a mutual love-hate relationship, or maybe Twilight trying to cure Pyre's hatred with some *special* magic of hers?
Sorry, I had to :p
@Set
ReplyDeletethat's almost as bad as my idea of Scarlet Rabbit x Rainbow Dash (which might actually happen O.o)
though I do think someone should do a prequel Black Rose x Terrato story, that would be really good
@Adalbertus Morridath, why do you bring these things up? let them die!
@stringtheorysorry, I'm just being an evil person :P
ReplyDeleteNow I'm wondering...is Scarlet Rabbit supposed to be a shout-out to Red Hare?
ReplyDelete@gravicembalo
ReplyDeleteIDK, go ask the author
@gravicembalo
ReplyDelete46 chapters in and someone finally notices.
@Adalbertus Morridath
ReplyDeleteLove-hate I guess... AND WHY ARE YOU helping my insanity spread? God I can't get images out of my head!
@Set
ReplyDeletebecasue I'm an evil person :p
@Adalbertus Morridath
ReplyDeleteGod the images... you really are evil you know..... why can't I stop imagining it....
@Set
ReplyDeleteneed some mind/eye bleach?
*searches 'cute fluttershy' on google images, first pic is a fluttershy x big mac pic which could be considered r34* OH, GOD O.o
*quickly changes search to 'cute FILLY fluttershy'*
ah much better, here you go: image
you have no idea what I had to go through to find that image
@stringtheory
ReplyDeleteNow my mind is filled with other horrors! Stop filling my head with images! Did you have to mention Big Mac x Fluttershy? Now my mind is on overdrive.
(Prepares noose.)
In other news, I want the next chapter... whats your opinion on Celestia as of now?
(Hangs myself.)
@Set
ReplyDeleteI don't have any opinion yet. I'm waiting for the next chapter to have an opinion. Right now she's in pieces. She lost everything. She lost her power, she lost her realm, her siblings and her most fateful student turned against her. She's a broken ex-goddess who now has to tell her subjects that for the last 1000 years they lived in a peaceful land that is a huge lie. I don't envy her situation at all. I don't know what will she do now... to be honest I have no idea what will happen next. Fangbraker may be a glorious victory or it may be a trap. Nightmare Moon is still a threat. Will the special care squad be engaged in the big offensive Terrato is planning, or will they go in a mission to find and possibly engage Black Rose? I suspect that they will deal with Nightmare Moon eventually and to do that they would need the Elements of Harmony. We also know that the Elements are powerful enough to subdue an alicron so they are probably the only ones to deal with Black Rose. What about the other two enemy states? Surely news of Fenrir's defeat will travel fast. Will they jump on what's left of Fenrir's forces and try to use his weakness to gain more land off of wolven territory, or will they attack Equestria because there is now a powerful alicorn that is not bound with the pact?
Also, do you think of the of the mane six will get super special powers like AJ? :D
@Set
ReplyDeletefortunately, I don't get shipping images, maybe it's because I don't write fan-fiction, the reason why is because I don't think my writing skills are good enough
*casts resurrection spell of Set, bringing him back to life* there you go, good as new, now let's talk about the 5000gp bill to cover the cost of the components for the resurrection spell
I have to agree with Adalbertus on this one, until we get the next chapter I don't have an opinion on Celestia yet