• Story: Out in the Cold (Updated Bonus Chapter!)

    [Shipping][Sad] Some more Trixie/Twilight!  Yes, Shipping! I got nothin else! Er wait, this is shipping, but... it's actually pretty "epic" too. Change of image to something more relevant.. poor Trixie.  Written by EsperDark
    Description: Feeling the weight of the world and haunted by memories of her past, The Great and Powerful Trixie returns to the scene of her greatest defeat. Will she find a new purpose, or will the events that transpired make such a thing an impossibility?
    Out in The Cold

    Part 2
    Description: Wrestling with her own worries about this new path she finds herself on, Trixie must face those that she has wronged in her past, and in doing so, has to come to a decision. What does it mean to be Great and Powerful?
    Lighting the Fire

    Part 3
    Description: Summoned to the seat of Princess Celestia's power, two ponies face a great dilemma. Unwilling to allow Twilight and Trixie the chance to experience a magic potentially even greater than friendship, the Princess throws their future into uncertainty. Will they be able to convince her otherwise, in the conclusion to Out In The Cold?
    Water, Food, Shelter, Companionship 

    Bonus Chapter (New!)
    Description: A few months after the events of Out In The Cold, and after much cajoling, Princess Luna, Trixie and Twilight finally dare to make use of some of the knowledge in "The Book". The experience is memorable, but the aftereffects are more so. It looks like it's going to last more than a few months, as well. Certainly will last at least nine. Maybe an entire lifetime. (Kind of a goofy, shippy, sappy, only-a-little-serious continuation to Out In The Cold)
    Reaching Midnight

    Alternate Tags: Romance, surprise, humor, life, a deal

    202 comments:

    1. This made me smile. I'm glad everything worked out that way.

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    2. Oh wow....This is one of the most amazing stories I have ever read. It even nearly made me cry, and I truly smiled at the end.

      Kudos to the writer for making such a brilliant story.

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    3. That was sad and heart touching. I liked it very much.

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    4. Wow

      This was just awesome.

      I honestly might file it under normal. For a shipping story it does normal so much better.

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    5. ya i'd put that in normal. its really good though.
      +1 writer

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    6. I'm glad someone did a story that incorporated Noel's Trixie artwork.

      This was a really sweet and well written story. My only complaint is that the shipping at the end seemed a little forced. Trixie being infatuated with Twilight is amusing, but I think this could've worked even better as a non-shipping story.
      Still, great job!

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    7. Loved this, it's amazing how much these ponies and the stories inspired by them have softened this hard old heart.

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    8. This has a little bit of everything, doesn't it? That was a fun blend of the humorous, the melancholy, the sweet, and the adventurous. You do a good job of letting the reader feel each moment instead of putting up a bunch of neon signs.

      Just blowing off creative steam, hm? Forgive me for saying this, but I hope you feel the need to do it again.

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    9. @Anonymous

      Yea having the ponies kissing kind of pulls me out of it a little bit when a simple nuzzle is sufficient to show the affection and seems more "in character".

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    10. Is it just me, or are MLP shipping stories usually very mild and loving, rather than what you would expect to find on the internet?

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    11. @anon i've yet to find a real clop fip, well the dash/gilda one on this site was sorta but i honestly can't find one~ its wierd though there is a mountain of 34, just no fanfics

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    12. The closest to perfection a fanfic will ever be.

      6/5

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    13. It takes a lot to get me to read a shipping fic. Well done. This was coherent and well put together, and never felt rushed or lacking in details.

      A very good read, thanks for sharing!

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    14. @Anonymous

      I imagine it has a lot to do with the age and relationships of the characters, as portrayed on the show. While the main cast, and most of the other ponies, seem to cross a wide array of age barriers as we know them, they seem to be in their teens most of the time, and they're fairly innocent characters. So, they're best-suited for coming-of-age lesbian stories, which work best when they're more emotional than physical. Plus, the audience for tender love stories is wider and less fickle than the audience for "clop" stories (a term that makes me giggle every single time I see it :-P ).

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    15. Please pass to author:

      Dear Celestia, that was so heartbreaking and beautiful.

      I absolutely adored your attention to the little details and how you managed to put everything together like that. Each scene, from Trixie's Sub-Conscious (thanks for making it's nature so hilariously obvious) to Trixie's "Defeat" was very clear, beautiful, and above all, very emotional.

      The flashbacks were one of the best parts. It was excellent, how you managed to just string up those conversations and lines into something so tragic and poignant. The last line was a real tear-jerker.

      Finally, excellent work with making Trixie realized that her "enemy" was really who she should be really looking for. The connection with her mother, and Trixie's being the daughter of one of Equestria's best magicians was quite the plot and shipping device for you to use.

      PS. Thank you for making this. It was really beautiful.

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    16. So this was just fantastic. You did a fantastic job, I really loved it, even if I felt a bit disheartened that some of the things in your story mirror things in one I've been trying to work on, or are just plain better than ideas I've had...blah.

      Still though, you've actually given me some insight on how to write for Trixie, which I was struggling with a bit, so I do want to say thank you for that.

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    17. @Natasha Softpaw

      I've seen a few hardcore clop fics but the mechanics of it all get a bit clumsy and basic in equine form (hoofs are hardly tactile) and just weird when you humanize them, I prefer the emotional stuff when it comes to the ponies, especially when it's done as well as this.

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    18. This may sound weird, but I did not like the way you wrote Trixie.

      Maybe it's just me, but after shit went down in Boast Busters, she acted normal, talked normal, and had normal reactions, all of course tinted with a bit of Trixie arrogance.

      I see the "Great and Powerful Trixie" as a stage name, and I believe the ending of Boast Busters supports this. The way I see it, She actually comes off as borderline insane here, seemingly rambling on about how amazing she is. I see her as a magician actor with an ego, not a Saturday morning cartoon villain.

      Still, I'm not saying the way you wrote her is WRONG. I just didn't like it.

      Also, one more complaint. The shipping was tacked on, which is a bad thing to do. If you had just made this normal, I would be much more satisfied with it. Instead, we get a "and then they kissed" moment, which really kind of brought it down.

      Now with all of that said, amazing story, and I learned a lot from reading it, mostly in the description of scenery department. Great job!

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    19. This was... not good. I don't understand why everyone is hailing this as great. Let's see:

      1) Grammatical and factual errors abound.
      2) Multiple uses of the word "paws" when it should be "hooves".
      3) Let's count how many sentences start with the word "She" in a row!
      4) Twilight falls in love with Trixie in two seconds? Huhwhat?
      5) I agree with Cottonmouth above; your portrayal of Trixie is not what we as viewers of the show would normally see her as.

      The premise of the story was good, but other than that, I didn't feel anything for it. Sorry.

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    20. This is the story the Trixie x Twilight fans have been waiting for. It really hammered home some serious emotions on all sides. The saddening background of Trixie and the ordeal she is going though makes her romantic encounter with Twilight that much sweeter.

      I hope you consider expanding on your story with Trixie recovering in Ponyville under Twilight's doting care. I'd certainly read it, as would many others I'm sure!

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    21. @Anonymous

      I did notice that paws thing, and murr at the end. But I still loved the story ;p

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    22. @Sethisto

      Oh yes... and that.

      That made me rage to say the truth. Why do that? Are you trolling? It makes no fucking sense.

      Would you paint a mustache on the Mona Lisa?

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    23. @Anonymous

      >Serious emotions on all sides

      Okay, I'll give you the first two words, to some extent, because it's late and I don't feel like making a full out argument. But whatever emotions came out, there was no way it came from all sides.

      We know absolutely NOTHING about Twilight in this story; how then, does she fall in love with out main character so suddenly? And how, pray tell, are we supposed to feel emotion from Twilight's side when she's been in the story for a few paragraphs?

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    24. Eh. Wasn't a huge fan of this. It was trying to be too many things at once, and not doing any of them effectively.

      Is this a Twilight/Trixie shipping story? Is this a "Redemption through Friendship" story? Is this a story about Trixie's past and how she deals with it? It changed every few paragraphs.

      I dunno. I just couldn't get into it. 4.5/10

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    25. @Anonymous

      I actually would say this is the story TRIXIE fans have been waiting for, with Twilight smooching smacked on at the end.

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    26. @Anonymous

      Eh, I think I can still enjoy something that, while I realize isn't perfect, had some good effort put into it.

      But then, that's just me. I'm terrible at constructive criticism, and I tend not to judge fanfiction too harshly, haha.

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    27. The neighsayers have opened the floodgates!

      Egads.

      No but seriously, compared to a lot of fics, this one is pretty freakin well done. I'd put it in my top 10 right next to Make Me Better Boutique.

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    28. @Sethisto
      >This
      >Top 10

      I've lost all respect for you, my good Blog Pony.

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    29. @Anonymous

      Hey man, the blog owner is insane. Poor guy just can't help it, switching pony waifus by the hour and constantly tearing himself between whether to post questionable content or not.

      Still love him for pulling me from the depths of obscurity though. Keep chugging you crazy bastard.

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    30. @Anonymous

      I might be biased due to trixie, but i still love this story.

      And I'll never find a good questionable content balance.

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    31. I enjoyed this story, and I've never been a HUGE Trixie fan. It's true that it tried to be a lot of things at once, and perhaps it could've benefited from only taking 1 or 2 of them, instead; but it was still very well-written, with a LOT fewer grammar errors than most other fics. I also appreciated that it wasn't incredibly short, which can often leave me wanting more when I finish reading a fic.

      I didn't mind the shipping in it, personally. Maybe Twilight did what she did 'cuz she heard Trixie talking in her sleep during one of those dreams, lol; and she knew Trixie probably didn't have it in her to make the first move.

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    32. No, I think this is also excellent. It had good pacing and its descriptive writing was well-balanced. It didn't linger on details, but provided what was necessary.

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    33. Out in the Cold had a lot of grammar issues, run-on sentences, and other basic errors that could have been remedied with a simple spell check. However, those are rather easy to look past to see the meat and potatoes of a story. I found this to be a very enjoyable read for several reasons.

      1. It left me feeling good at the end instead of disgusted. Lots of other works on this blog are acclaimed for being arguably well-written, but the content is sickening. I don't care how well you can write if your story is unappealing.

      2. It isn't a Steven King size novel. I am greatly detracted from fanfiction that drones on for pages upon pages for the sake of fleshing out characters and so-forth. This was long enough to keep my interest without skimming it due to ungodly length, while leaving me fulfilled.

      3. The story appeased powerful emotions in me that no other MLP fanfiction has so far. I felt a mix of sorrow, happiness, compassion, and it ended on a positive note to wrap it all together nicely.

      4. I found the character portrayal rather good. Sad, lonely, and malnourished Trixie has been done to death, and still is. However, various writers all have different reasoning for it. I found this story to have one of the better ones.

      Twilight Sparkle didn't have a lot of time in this tale, but it wasn't really needed. I know enough about Twilight Sparkle, but not anywhere near as much about Trixie. I'm glad the author didn't spend a large amount of time on Twilight for that reason.

      In a nutshell, Out in the Cold had its problems, but ultimately it was appealing enough to leave me feeling that I read a satisfying story for its content and length. It's one my favorite MLP stories.

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    34. @pollardyThere's a real clopfic out there. I've read it. It's called 'Friendship is Sexy'.

      But I digress. My only complaint with the story is that it ended too soon. I want more! MOAR!

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    35. I'm sorry you hate shipping so much :/

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    36. Oh well, there was a bunch of them in a row, didn't notice that...I guess it can get to be a bit much.

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    37. Hello, everyone. This is the author! Geez, you send the story off for publication, and go to sleep, and wake up with almost forty comments. Let me tackle some of the very valid criticisms:

      a) Grammar and sentence structure: Yeah, I'll admit, not as strong as it could be. I tend to write very flow-of-thought, and then spend the next week or so screaming over my computer as I edit. This was written as something just to write, and I'll probably end up spending the next week screaming over a Google Doc screen.

      b) Terminology: Ha ha! I totally screwed that up! I've since gone back and replaced paws with hooves, and removed the murr. I don't know what I was thinking with that. Is that even a word? Maybe something a cat with a cold makes. (In an earlier version of the document, I wrote 'haggled' instead of 'haggard' during the scene she looked at herself in the mirror. Apparently, she was trying to make a deal with herself.)

      c)Romance at the end: Okay...I'll admit I struggled between including it and leaving it as infatuation on Trixies part. I decided to be impulsive, and figured in the heat of the moment, but I can see how people would disagree. What can I say, I'm a romantic at heart, and I was mostly writing this for my own amusement.

      To everyone that liked it, thank you very much! To everyone that didn't, thank you for the criticism, and I hope if I write again, you'll enjoy it better than you did this one.

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    38. " I needed to blow off some creative steam"

      when i read this all i could think of is some guy going " GOD DAMN IT I CAN'T CONCENTRATE, ALL I CAN THINK OF IS PONIES KISSING!"

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    39. @Anonymous

      In my defense, they were very noisy!

      Me: "Oh, no, we won't be bringing real guns to the location. That's just ludicrous and WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP? I'm trying to work here!"

      Location: "Excuse me?"

      Me: "Sorry. Imaginary lesbian ponies."

      *beat*

      Location: "You can't use our lobby for your shoot."

      Me: "Completely understandable."

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    40. This story gave me the weirdest boner...

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    41. Hehe, I liked this story. My issue at the end was not the kiss, but how it was presented. Having the clever dialog felt tacky, I would of went for something slow and innocent, where twilight, almost fearfully gives trixie a kiss, as if only-just failing to resist the temptation. Then, after a brief moment of awkwardness, it leads to continues kissing, with the narrator making the clever comment about Trixie staying.

      I dunno, maybe I'm a perve, but I always sorta like that somewhat naive fear of romance in a character, like they're somehow taking a great risk for the sake of how the feel.

      Sexual confidence is great for the real world, but it makes for kinda straight forward storytelling.

      (Fuck, this again! I just intended to write a single sentence, and look what happened!)

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    42. I think people in general are taking this slightly too serious. It's not like this is flippin' blockbuster movie or novel, and it's a freakin' fanFICTION about MAGICAL UNICORNS.

      Who's to say Twilight wasn't thinking about her before she stumbled into town? Could be why that all happpened, I didn't mind it the least bit.

      I hate to just pick on other people's comments, but some of them REALLY seemed like "NO, THIS IS NOT AS AMAZING AS YOU SAY IT IS, AND THIS WHY IT SUCKED."

      Bleh. In any case, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I liked how well-established and detailed some of the moments were.

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    43. @Anonymous

      When you put mediocrity on a pedestal, you dethrone quality. There are some incredible gems sitting in the fanfiction archive unrecognized, simply because they were written before the site had this much traffic and didn't have the good fortune to sit at the top of the blog overnight while ED racked up 40,000 pageviews. I direct your attention to any of the works of Fon Shaolin or Butterscotch Sundae as examples of stories that were better written, had a more coherent narrative, and were better able to play with the feelings of the reader than this (Admittedly very much decent) work. Of course, most of them collect dust in the archives with 9 comments and very few star rating votes while this piece gets 40 comments and a near perfect 5 stars from 20 people.

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    44. well that was cute but I must say that the extreme shipping and kissing almost ruined this for me. you seriously need to stop reading madmax comics

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    45. I thought that this was a really great story. Its really easy to imagine whats going on and it certainly has a bunch of thrilling and emotional parts to it, like how it seems like Trixie is constantly in danger of just randomly collapsing and dying at any random moment. The part where Trixie went back to her hometown was really great and it explains a lot about her background and her character.

      I don't really understand what the negativity around it is for, since the point that people make seem fairly minor. I didn't really mind the kissing that much since it was such a great story.
      I really liked it!

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    46. @pollardy

      Um, there are some good 34 fictions. Well, at the least, some. Not sure if great, but some people liked them.

      I wrote them, and you can find them under the name of BrotherPrickle at deviantART.

      Sorry if you hoped they didn't exist.

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    47. Well this story has way more positive comments on it than negative. I still like this story A LOT. I was NOT a Trixie fan before I read this story.

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    48. I love stories like this. Sad with a happy end. Also for whatever reason I like fic´s where someone is very injured and wakes up in a bed from someone who cares.

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    49. You people act like we are shitting all over this story. We're not, I consider it great.

      We are only providing critique, which I say helps much more than "I have the weirdest boner right now" in assisting the author with any future endeavors.

      The fic was good, I liked it. There were just a few things I disagreed with and I decided to say them.

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    50. My guess is the hate comes from the love. See, this story was imperfect, yet really good. So those imperfections feel like a betrayal (and thus people get pissed.)


      It just means you're a really good writer, as bad writers only piss people off when they become inexplicably popular *Cough* Twilight series *cough*

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    51. @Cottonmouth
      Me and my weird boner agree. I like this story, and this writer, which is why I want them to continue growing as a writer.

      Valid criticism is a sign that people are invested in you, other wise they'd just say horrid insults like how the story didn't give them a boner. Which, as we all know is the worst insult you could ever give a writer.

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    52. Speaking as the author, I quite welcome criticism, both good and bad.

      I understand that there will be differences in opinion, as well. Like in Cottonmouth's original post, where he disagreed with me about his view on Trixies characterization, but noted that it was his own viewpoint. It's totally valid, people view things in different ways.

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    53. @Cottonmouth

      To a certain extent I agree, in that the quickest way to improve (here comes the obvious train!) is to hear the areas in which you need improvement. But just as important as offering the critique is how you phrase it. It's disheartening as a writer to hear things that sound like anger, and they'll generally be more receptive to help offered in a tone that seems more like help is the actual goal rather than a "just bugs me" sort of vibe.

      Moreover, praise is also a very useful tool in fostering growth in authors. It's often assumed people know what their strengths are, but you would be surprised to find out just how often that isn't true. Positive reinforcement of authorial strengths is a very important tool to keep in mind. Plus, sometimes (often, in fact), just hearing you made people happy is enough to encourage oneself to write more. :)

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    54. @Anonymous

      I have to agree with the Anon waaaay up at the top there. It's a fantastic story in the same vein as Junior Speedsters Forever, in that it's exploring what makes a jerkass character act like that. I just think I'd have preferred a "will they or won't they" sort of ending where Trixie comes to terms with her feelings, and Twilight may or may not have picked up on it.
      But hey -- it's your story, man. And it's a good one.

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    55. I really enjoy stories that push at your emotions and are very thought-provoking.

      This story, combined with me being very tired, has almost given me a tear or two.

      (Almost, It takes a fucking lot to make me shed a few tears, bro.)

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    56. i usually dont go for shipping stories, but this was really top notch, kudos!

      I hope you will keep writing more like this when you get better, lest we all pray you contract some incurable disease in order to keep output up.

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    57. Now officially part of my fanon.

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    58. I'm seriously about to cry, reading this.

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    59. I didn't care for Trixie that much but you've changed my mind. ...and I *did* cry!

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    60. Please make a third part to this story. I would love to see a really grand conclusion that would make me remember this story forever. I loved the second part. It was quite a happy story.

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    61. (Characterization=Nail)+(You=Hammer)= Dead on the Head.

      Helped that you really only had to do it for Four Ponies, 2 of wich had only a few lines, and 1 of wich is based primarily on your own characterization, but still.

      I greatly enjoyed this. And I'm loving it. Looking forward to more :D

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    62. >5 star rating

      Why?
      This story is NOT GOOD.


      1) The blandness is out the wazoo. Everything merely happens without any real connection going on.

      2) The story is predictable as hell. AWWW TRIXIE HAS FEELINGS FOR TWILIGHT AND IS DOWN ON HER LUCK AND MIGHT JUST DIE... SURELY THE TWO OF THEM WON'T END UP TOGETHE- OH THERE IT IS.

      3) Predictability in a story can be outweighed by fantastic writing. In fact, that's the case with many classics in literature. Unfortunately, this does not have great writing. The grammatical errors and the dreary paragraphs upon paragraphs compile into a wall of text that can be summarized in one word.

      Bland.

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    63. I didn't get the chance to read the first part before the second came out (Just as well, maybe, as I didn't have to read the grammatical errors in the first one xD), but I thoroughly believe that the second part enhanced the story a lot! Keep on writing, man, you got skills ;)

      (Sorry about no criticism, but everyone else have written anything I coulda done :P)

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    64. Well, this second part wasn't exactly as powerful as the first or as dramatic, but I do have to smile at how you show us that Love and a little nudges from the right people can lead us to what we REALLY want to do.

      I look forward to the third part. Maybe dwell on that Sick Feeling in Trixie? It's kind of like meeting your Girlfriend's Parents with the whole Twilight-Celestia Dynamic, don't you think?

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    65. Really awesome, you better continue it!

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    66. I greatly enjoyed Out in the Cold and your second chapter didn't disappoint me. You did well in further fleshing out Twilight Sparkle which I noticed a lot of people complained about with the first chapter. Applejack's characterisation is very robust and believable. I read all of her lines in her voice. Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity were also well done, despite not getting as much dialogue.

      I enjoyed reading about Trixie coming to terms with herself again. Her pride is still there, but she's a bit softer due to Twilight's subtle influence and the new changes in her life. That pleases me, as Trixie's allure is her confidence and bold personality.

      The romance was tastefully done and cute. I was especially pleased reading about Trixie's party performance. Trixie giving the bouquet of flowers to Twilight was very sweet.

      All in all, it was a wonderful read and I'm thankful you wrote it. I do eagerly look forward to the next installment! I too enjoy romance, so the more of that, the merrier. With Trixie's improving health, I'm sure you can put a fair share of that in for the final chapter.

      Keep up the good work!

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    67. I love the controversy this story is spawning, it's a sign of worth!

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    68. To think that a shipping/sad story of my favorite pairing and my two favorite characters is getting so much attention. All I gotta say is: feels good man!

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    69. I'm just happy you went with a soft approach for their romance, instead of just making it a collection of sexy one liners; It makes the characters much more intimate and whole.

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    70. Right after the note: "...she learned that the Princess has Twilight's teacher..."

      >> Pretty sure they meant "was"
      >> Thinks of stupid Super Mario Bros reference
      >> "Sorry, Twilight, but your teacher is in another castle."
      >> Trixie as Luigi
      >> fuck yeah!

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    71. This is great, great stuff. Keep it up.

      If you go for a third part, I suggest you try to create some kind of conflict that is central to the story.

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    72. Here's an idea, celestia doesn't aprove of Trixie, and for once it's she who must learn the lesson from twilight about love.

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    73. @ ruff1298
      "It's kind of like meeting your Girlfriend's Parents with the whole Twilight-Celestia Dynamic, don't you think?"

      >Celestia and Luna as Twilight's parents

      FUND IT

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    74. I winced at the frequent grammatical errors, but the actual content here is quite moving. I hope the author continues... but I hope they do a bit more proofreading too. In any case, definitely the best execution of a romance I've seen so far.

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    75. I'll admit, I really need to find someone who I wouldn't be completely embarrassed to show these to, to do my actual proofreading.

      (Hell, I barely know what I'm doing here, I don't often creatively write like this.)

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    76. While reading this it felt good. Now that I look back at it I can't say for sure what is so great about this work but I really enjoyed it.
      5/5

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    77. As of Part 2: There's a noticeable amount of technical problems to this. They're not grievous, but it's still distracting for your audience. In addition, while I can appreciate your attempt in Part 2 to explain Twilight Sparkle's seemingly spontaneous reciprocation of Trixie's affections, your explanation is somewhat unconvincing--it's tricky to reconcile the budding romantic feelings you claim Twilight has at first encountering Trixie with the reactions we see her have in the actual episode. While the episode doesn't show her having the OPPOSITE reaction, she's distracted with her own personal doubts and insecurities so thoroughly that it's not believable to me that she's got an entirely separate and very different emotional focus going on at the same time.

      The negative aspects done with, though, this was good, and I liked it. Trixie's character develops believably, which is enjoyable (you actually sell the idea of her personal transformation, rather than just jumping clumsily from Emotional Point A (I Have Issues) to Emotional Point B (My Brain Feels Better Now), as a lot of lesser authors tend to do in similar situations. The characters are generally portrayed well (AJ is a little more insightful than she tends to actually be in the show, but it's within believability). The purpose and flow of the fic is good, and the writing skill is pretty decent. I think the story's best quality is the emotional quality--you write the emotions of this fic convincingly, which, considering that the meat of the story is a multifaceted emotional journey, is the most important aspect to succeed at. And of course, the love story is a part of this emotional quality, and it's touching, convincing, and not over-played. This story has the heartwarming qualities of a good shipping fic, but the meaningful nature and principles of a normal character-exploration story.

      TL;DR: Not perfect. But very good in the most important ways, and making good use of an unusual character and an unusual pairing without making it pointless fan drivel as might often be the case. Nice work, 4 Stars.

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    78. I want to say, this is the fic that made me appreciate TwixTrixie. Granted, Humble Trixie is easier to swallow than the Great and Powerful Trixie.

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    79. These two stories combined make the most beautiful fiction ive read on MLP thus far.

      7/5

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    80. You've managed to get this brony teary-eyed, not an easy accomplishment. I REALLY hope we get to see more from you. Side note, if you do ever want to have somebody proofread something for you, I would be honored to offer my services. I can't claim I could get something ready to go to the printers or anything, but I can be quite a grammar/spelling Nazi when I want to be. Again, amazing work.

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    81. Beautiful.

      I absolutely adored how you made everything. It's such a well-woven tale, with all the elements of conflicting natures paired together excellently. We laugh, we cry, we fear, we hope... it's all very beautiful.

      Kudos to making such a great Fears of the Past plot point. Though it may be rather cliche with its nature, I absolutely adored how you intertwined every single detail about Trixie's tragic history with Celestia's decision.

      Finally, thank you. Just thank you.

      This is such a beautiful work. A real masterpiece. A great blend of polar opposites to take off in the rare Great Direction so few have passed by.

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    82. @ruff1298PS. What in the hell did Luna put in that book?

      ReplyDelete
    83. @ruff1298
      Something along the lines of the Pony sutra I'd imagine. (Kama sutra)

      Also, loved this story.

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    84. im holding this set of three chapters close to me... I found much inspiration in them, and am glad you took the time to make something so lovely.

      after reading your message about your small retirement from fiction, i wish you well :)

      may your dreams be good and of ponies!

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    85. Ok so I read the first part a while ago when it came out. An interesting story that was pretty good with shipping sadly tacked on to the end of it.

      So I come back and expect to read about the relationship between Trixie and Twilight (mainly WHY Twilight would fall for a nearly-insane acting sorceress).

      Instead, it's basically "and then they nuzzled each other and kissed" for no real reason followed by Celestia quickly diving in to cause conflict to distract the reader away from an emotionally-devoid relationship.

      You basically kept the tacked on shipping at the end of part 1, never expanded upon it, and just forced the love down our throats.

      Overall, the writing itself wasn't THAT bad.... but.... it feels that all you need to do these days is....

      "NUZZLING KISSING STARING INTO EACH OTHERS EYES LYING IN BED TOGETHER" 'whew. ok done.'

      tldr; you took 2 random characters, made them nuzzle and kiss then threw them into a conflict that never even really tested their relationship, just made Celestia look like a Douchebag.

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    86. Saved and Brilliant. There maybe quite a few errors in that final chapter but it didn't matter.
      I haven't cried like that since watching "Hachi: a Dog's Tale"
      Really, really good.. Thank you Mr Author.

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    87. Great story, man.

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    88. That was really really really good. Props.

      Especially since at the start of reading part three, I totally was expecting tyrant Celestia. Intstead I get a great look into the sad past of Nurturing Celestia, and seeing her make a more realistic mistake instead of accusing poor Derpy of terrorism.

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    89. I loved this, so much. Everything was just... awesome to read, I dunno how to really describe what I mean.

      Truly at loss for words (which doesn't happen very often) other than "this made me so happy."

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    90. EsperDerek, I think you are a colt of the writing word, and this here fan-fiction proves it. Stay classy, man!

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    91. every time I read a new part of this tale I started crying like a five years old girl.
      sadly this was the final of this great and powerful story but I'm also happy to see that people (ponies) can change and find true love, maybe there's a chance for me after all (oh god I'm crying again)

      thanks EsperDerek

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    92. Mother of God! What a wonderful conclusion to a beautiful story. This is without a doubt my most cherished fanfiction to come out of the MLP fandom. No other story came close to having me so engrossed with what was happening in it. I double-backed several times to re-read a lot of the scenes.

      When Celestia disapproved of Twilight and Trixie's relationship, it really delivered a good amount of suspense to wrap the story in. I was curious the whole time why she would and eagerly read on. Her reasoning for it was a real shocker. I'm extremely pleased with how you managed to tie all of that together in such a nice package.

      I really loved how Luna was characterized as mischievous instead of sad. I didn't expect to see her intertwined into the story at all, so when she appeared, it was a real treat.

      The only thing I didn't like is that the story is over, but I feel that way about all things I enjoy. I saw a handful of grammar issues here and there, but nothing overly glaring. Going back over it with a bit of varnish to tidy it up would be a good idea whenever you get some time.

      Overall, I have to thank you for providing a wondrous story for us to read. Know that your time writing it was appreciated. The story gave me a real emotional rush and I'm glad it ended on such a loving and tender "happily ever after" note. Whenever I recommend a romance story for MLP, it will be this one first and foremost.

      Excellent work and thanks again!

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    93. Gentlemen, I do believe I have found my favorite story.

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    94. Wow, what a pitch-perfect ending! For someone who doesn't write fanfics, you sure do it extremely well. The progress you seem to have made as a writer between part one of this story and the conclusion is astounding!

      I really hope we see more from you as soon as possible!

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    95. Whaddaya mean, "even" Pinkie had figured it out? She's got like every social combat charm EVER.

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    96. Been sitting and waiting for the conclusion ever since the first part turned out not to be the end. I will confess, when I expressed hope you would write more, I meant that in a general sense because I considered this story to have reached its strongest ending point already. But you did continue, and you did so without stepping on the throat of what came before. So... while I don't think I was wrong, I was clearly wrong. And yes, I am capable of believing both of those things at once: I'm a writer. =P

      While there's a lot of technical proficiency missing from your writing, what you do have is a very mature perspective and approach that works well with the emotional focus of your story. The end result is not a masterpiece, but it's charming and insightful. I enjoyed reading this, and clearly I am not alone.

      I'm very glad you felt inspired to share this with us, regardless of whether or not you consider yourself a writer. You've warmed many a heart and (I hope!) taken enjoyment from the experience for yourself. Thank you for writing and helping to make the world just a teeny bit better.

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    97. Brilliant conclusion. Best story ever.

      not much else to say.

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    98. WHAT WAS LUNA'S BOOK? WHAAAAAAAAAAT?

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    99. I still have my old gripes about grammar but I still think this is the best romance writing I've seen on ED thus far. And I loved how you tied Trixie's story in with Twilight, Luna and Celestia's in a way that made it seem completely natural in the end.

      Still, I have to offer a tinge of disappointment - this last bit was almost completely about conflict and resolution w/rt Celestia's problems, without actually having any meaningful dialogue between Trix and Twilight themselves. My favorite thing about the second half was that it was about two lovers building their relationship, not mired in the details of courtship that most fics focus on. The last bit almost feels like a reversion in that respect.

      Sad it's over, but then, I suppose one can fill in the (probably naughty) details of what takes place after the series for oneself.

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    100. I think that it was awesome, and as I (Inkwell) suggested that he go with this particular incarnation of Celestia - basically, that she'd feel that Twilight Sparkle isn't ready for such a potentially dangerous magic - I feel very happy that the vast majority of people were happy with how this turned out.

      That said, I am EsperDerek's friend and biggest fan, and will work diligently to convince him to write even more. ^^

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    101. I found some aspects unbelievable. For example, Celestia's relationship. I think it would have been more believable by incorporating a straight Celestia, or going all out into tyrant Celestia. Apart from that, it is very well written and I had little trouble deciphering the story.

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    102. @Inkwell-Pony

      Write more Trixie x Twilight goodness? Hop to it then, pronto!

      ReplyDelete
    103. Uhm, wow.

      Thank you, everyone. I really mean that. It makes me happy that I somehow managed to touch peoples emotions like this.

      I thought I'd answer some things:

      Luna's Role: I knew I wanted to use Luna, and I knew I didn't want to use Sad Luna. I have nothing against Sad Luna at all, but I wanted to do something different. I'm fairly happy with what I came up. Happy to be free, mischievous at heart, but also, yes, still sad at what happened, but wanting to make up for it.

      Future Writing: As I've stated before, I'm at a busy point in my life. I'm currently involved in three separate productions, and that's a lot of work. Of course, I do do a lot of writing during transit time, and Inkwell will probably be poking me to write constantly for the next eternity, so you'll probably see something from me again, sooner rather than later if I get a good concept, and don't get too addicted to Radiant Historia and Pokemon White.

      Future of Out In The Cold: On the other hand, I don't see me continuing this story. I'll probably go back and do some editing of the rougher grammar eventually, but I'm pretty satisfied with how it all wrapped up. Of course, never say never.

      The Book: Oh, look, we're out of time. Seriously, though, whatever you're picturing, you're probably right. With a little more magic involved. I could go into specifics but then we're breaching into the realm of 'clopfic'.

      Anyways, this whole thing has been fun for me, it's been a long time.
      Thanks, again, for all of your comments.

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    104. Hi there! I just figured I'd let you know that I've been reading this story from the start and finding it just simply magical with every new chapter! Tried posting a comment before but, due to some inexplicable quirk of fate, it did not show up!

      It's delicious to watch how Trixie grows as a pony over the course of the narrative. You could watch Boast Busters and then the three chapters of this story afterwards and it feels perfectly natural, that's how wonderfully you handled the characterisation for the ponies involved.

      If there's just one tiny bit of criticism I could point out, it's that there are one or two grammatical oddities. Such as Luna saying (about the invisibility spell Trixie casts during Chapter 3) "that should make you wonder just how you came to be in possession of that spell" when, given the context, it should really be "that should make ME wonder etc etc". These instances didn't spoil my enjoyment of the story but there were enough to be jarring and pull me out of it for a moment. If you could fix those in future, that would make this story 100% perfect.

      By the way, I know you said that you consider this story wrapped up but if I might make a suggestion (after all, you did remark 'never say never') then it might be cool to see the story that Trixie tells in Chapter 3 from Celestia and Midnight's point of view. You know, a prequel story? Of course, it would also be interesting to see how Trixie's role as Luna's student pans out for them both.

      Anyway, thank you for the experience of reading a truly wonderful story! Kudos to you!

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    105. THIS. I saved this as a PDF just to be able to read it wherever I go. Thank you so much for writing this. Normally, I detest shipping fics, but this one just strikes the balance perfectly.

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    106. You should have left it at just 3 parts.

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    107. @Anonymous
      No he shouldn't have.

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    108. "This isn't a fair deal at all!" justifies part 4.

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    109. this is it, the last chapters officially killed the charm of the story to me. i'm changing my vote to 1 star.

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    110. It's a completely different fic, that's for sure; it just happens to start where the third part ends.

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    111. I don't get why people are complaining, I thought the bonus chapter's great. Funny, sweet, and just left a warm feeling in my chest. Also, as one person mentioned about me,

      "THIS ISN'T A FAIR DEAL AT ALL!" is simply one of the greatest fanfiction lines EVER.

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    112. I guess I should explain this story a little.

      Yeah, Reaching Midnight is a completely different fic, I was sort of hoping it'd get it's own page as opposed to updating in Out In The Cold, (I should have specified, in retrospect) because the tone is intentionally very different.

      Honestly, I just wanted to write something goofy and silly, because I was going through a very stressful moment in my life and I needed some relief. Personally, I'm really happy with it, but if you didn't like Bonus Chapter (it's not really Part 4, because that story is done and completed), or it wasn't what you were expecting, than I apologize.

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    113. @EsperDerek

      Oh come ON! After all that work I put in trying to get you to write more, and you wind up writing a really great sequel to your trilogy... sequel to... trilogy. Is that even good math?

      Anyways, that said, it is a darling story, and you just lucked out having a few frowny pants review it first! Bad frowny-pants!

      No frowny pants in the fandom!

      -(Puts up Frowny Pants Repellant)- There, that should help. ^^

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    114. “Ever wonder how the other side lives?”

      I have never laught so hard while reading a hic, congratulations sir

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    115. Fantastic, simply a fantastic story!

      The first 3 was really great, very well made and nicely made.

      Nothing to say against the conclusion, on the contrary I have to say that the ending was much interesting, and so was the story as a whole.
      *Trixie passing though redemption, fighting memories of her past and then fully grasping her future with Twilight.

      The bonus part was a nice touch, adding a nice layer to the previous story and giving an additional sense of closure.
      Truly, it was quite touching and adorable (and a tiny bit silly, with Luna ;) ).

      The whole thing was build so we would care for the main characters of it, mostly for Trixie (and her relation with Twilight).
      The backstory with Trixie's mother (Midnight) was a good idea for her.

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    116. The bonus chapter is so.... HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

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    117. Usually I don't like the whole magic pregnancy thing between two females because... Well, it's stupid... Like really really stupid.

      But I thought this one was alright because... well...

      It CERTAINLY wasn't a fair deal at all!

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    118. Well, that was a hilarious if sometimes too fluffy romp.

      Since my original comment got destroyed and I don't feel like rewriting it, here's the condensed version:

      I really liked how childish and filly-fooler Trixie, Twilight, and Luna were with regards to the book. It seemed out of character and a bit too dollar-DVD, but it was amusing to see Twilight do something foolish.

      The part with Trixie's discovery about her condition was excellent with the nurse, the hilarious early conclusions, and the outright confusion of how this was possible. The explanation being mostly in dialogue was an excellent mirror to the dramatic memories with regards to the original Midnight.

      The labor was hilarious. I loved how you portrayed it as it really is: horrifying, time consuming, and stressful. The Ironic Echo wasn't as powerful as I'd expected, but it was funny while it lasted.

      The last part with Midnight (II) was beautiful, but for my tastes, it was too cottony, and that's speaking a lot because (my avatar) doesn't have a mouth to speak of.

      Anyways, thanks for the last part. It would have gone well separate from everything else, but it is a bonus chapter, and I didn't have to read it.

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    119. @Anonymous
      Riiiiight... Stupid, you say ?

      You DO remember that we are talking about magical (enchanted) creatures from a world where almost every inches of land is magically imbued, right ?

      Pretty sure THEIR version of the evolution allows for a few excentricities, now and then...
      -Same sex pregnancy being probably one of the lesser 'particuliar' things.

      Also, all things considered, while keeping an open mind and to be fair... Why shouldn't this be possible, hum ?

      I say, it was a nice and touching addition.

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    120. While there are many ways I could say I didn't see part of the story, I will say that I was enjoying this. I can't say I am enjoying it anymore since it's over.

      A good story while generally will have as an immense amount of view points as people who see it, I look at it from not a view of a fan of the story, but someone who likes a good story. The characters are believable and though I wish there was more to the story, I'll have to be happy that I got to enjoy this little ride of a story.

      Otherwise, I will have to say congrats for the ride EsperDerek. I'll talk with you when I get the chance as well.

      On a side note, I did find that Trixie winning out on getting the Invisibility Spell to work first was unique. After all, Twilight embodies the spirit of Magic for the Elements of Harmony.

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    121. I love how in the bonus chapter each part is a later time of day, and at the end they "reach" midnight. Little details like that is what makes fics like these so great.

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    122. O_O YES...AND MORE YES...AND SOME MORE YES AFTER THAT

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    123. I guess I don't get why mare-mare pregnancy is "stupid" or "unbelievable". If you assume temporary gender-changing magic is available (and is that really so weird compared to transforming a rock into a top hat?), then there's really no problem.

      Genetically speaking you wouldn't have an issue with two females; it would just guarantee a female offspring since there are no Y chromosomes available.

      Obviously a male couple going the other direction could have a problem there, but a chromosome mismatch would be the least of the worries given the lack of a womb when the spell wears off.

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    124. TwilightXTrixieXLuna?

      I have a new OT3.

      I liked the bonus chapter, admittedly for different reasons than I liked the original 3. It was slightly less serious, but still quite heartwarming.

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    125. Excellent series! Read it all in one sitting, and particularly the third part really gripped me. The leadup in the first chapter was pretty nicely done as well.

      The bonus chapter was a bit surprising, but hey, why not? It was well-enough written, and the ending worked out. Though I have got to say, I feel really sorry for Spike. Considering he's still 'a baby dragon, after all', that has got to leave some mental scars.

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    126. Well, you said it was going to be shippy and sugar-sappy, so I went in expecting just that. It's exactly what I got and I loved it!

      This chapter basically had everything you could put in a shipping story about lesbians. I adored the first three stories and I enjoyed this one equally as much. It's the ice-cream sundae after the main course meal. Something separate that is sweet and tasty to appreciate all on its own.

      I'm thrilled you actually decided to write this, as I'm sure others are as well. I was merrily entertained the whole time. What a fantastic series. Congratulations!

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    127. Wow, this was very well written!
      I normally stay away from shipping but this fic really moved me. The characterization is great and the pairing actually works and does not feel at all forced. It is easy to explain away Twilight's seemingly sudden affection for Trixie when you consider all the internal factors. Similar attitude, isolation not to mention good old chemistry. While many shipping fics feel forced this one flowed very smoothly and develops Trixie as a much deeper and more sympathetic character then the show ever did.
      5 stars comrade!

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    128. Simply amazing.
      i can't put it to words.
      Wow. this calls for a few re-reads...

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    129. I am floored at how good this was. The writing, absolutely stellar, way above par. The emotion was expressed well, and even I caught myself tearing up at the sad parts.

      The bonus chapter was both hilarious and heartwarming. I agree with the others, 'THIS ISN'T A FAIR DEAL AT ALL' should be an immortal line for the fandom.

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    130. By chance will we see a future fanfic featuring Midnight?

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    131. @JaxsonJaguar

      This is a tough question to answer. Personally, myself, I would love to write another fanfic starring Midnight, but it gets into the realm of OC ponies and I know a lot of people aren't conductive with that. It depends on what the interest level is, I have gotten some requests from various sources. I do, of course, have ideas.

      Actually, if you're interested, you might actually want to check out the Friendship is Magic thread over at the Order of the Stick forums. Phoe (there known as PhoeKun), author of Chasing/Catching Rainbows, lost a bet where she had to write a fanfic for someone, and he chose for her to write a vinegette style piece on Midnight growing up and relating with others. She should be done it in the next couple of days, apparently.

      I say check there, because it probably won't go much farther than those forums, because of the bet nature. You never know, though.

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    132. Dear Author,

      Please write stories of Midnight's adventures, when I mean Midnight i ment the baby born from two mothers. Zing!

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    133. Can't wait to see that vigentte (which I believe is presently under the working title 'Shades Of Midnight')! I've actually faved the current page of that thread so I can check easily for its appearance! Of course, I too would also love to see you write some more about Twilight/Trixie and their miracle foal!

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    134. Yo can someone give me the cliffnotes version of this. I want to read Shades of Midnight but do to my very limited time don't have the opertunity to read this one first. Help is very appreciated!

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    135. Omigosh, thank-you EsperDerek for writing this. It really helped me understand Trixie's character, and this should totally be canon.

      *sigh* I think I'm in love with the Great and Powerful Trixie now. What is a pony to do? n_n

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    136. I just finished Part 3. The Trixie x Twilight pony lovefest ends with a "happily ever after" AND happy Luna gets to help AND gets a pupil of her very own?

      Now I can die a content pony. My life is now complete. n_n

      Thanks again EsperDerek!

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    137. I first saw this story a month or two ago on the ED list of 5 star fics. Back then when I started reading it, I got a few sentences in and thought it sounded awful like it was written by Trixie or something. When I got to the part where Trixie notices how beautiful Twilight is, I just stopped reading thinking it was just a bad shipping fic. The other day when Sethisto posted Shades of Midnight and mentioned that this was a great fic, I had forgotten all about trying to read it before. So I started and quickly realized what it was, but I didn't stop this time. I gave this story the chance it deserved and it was fantastic. After putting aside my resignations and considering that it might be intentionally hokey, I was able to let myself enjoy the story. The entire story was so moving and heart-warmingly romantic. I didn't even think I was the romantic type.

      Thank you for showing me that there are many wonderful stories out there that I may never have considered reading because of their label. And of course, teaching me to look further than the first paragraph before judging a story.

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    138. This is certainly one of the better stories I've ever read based in the FiM universe.

      I thoroughly enjoyed this.

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    139. I want to read Luna's book now. Oh, and great story. It was absolutely beautiful.

      Also, lesbians.

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    140. *reading "Reaching Midnight"*

      >Twilight: Would you like to?

      http://archer.gamebanana.com/img/ico/sprays/frame_0_1.png

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    141. POTENTIAL SPOILER:

      The gestation period for ponies and horses is ELEVEN months. Not nine. They're equines, not humans.

      /endpotentialspoiler

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    142. It was such a beautiful story I loved it! So happy now! I love Trixie and Twilight!

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    143. slowpoke here! just finished part 3 and am moving on to part 4. loved all 3 parts (the 1st one the most) but an i to understand that Celestia and Midnight were lovers?

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    144. You would be correct. It was a brief series of interludes that looked like it was going to become something greater, but Midnight fell ill and died before it actually *could*.

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    145. Hello, just read through all of this, and absolutely loved it. The only thing I don't like is the fact that you don't want to continue it.

      I can understand you not wanting to continue with the story, involving an OC. OC's tend to not be received very well. But that really shouldn't matter. In fact, if you're a good enough author (and you sure as hell are), then nobody would care that your fic contains, or even is about an OC.

      This fic is certainly deserving of a sequel, especially considering it's so short (well, it's short to me anyways, but only because I read a 100 chapter long fic, twice). And if you're really worried about it being focused on an OC, then try some tricks, like centering the fic around Twilight as she watches Midnight grow, or maybe Trixie in the future looking through a scrap book, remembering all the wonderful times she had bringing up her daughter.

      It would be a waste just to let this fic be and not write any more on it. and you said yourself that you would love to. If you want to, then do it, completely forget about the fans, and just do it for yourself, because you wanted to.

      That's enough of my rant for now. Hopefully I will have convinced you to do more. Though, I'm not exactly sure if anything I wrote makes sense cause I'm tired as hell from staying up all nigh reading (that's right, your fic was that good).

      From the Author and Artist of Mirenheart

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    146. @Mirenheart

      It's quite possible I will continue this, but for now, you might want to check out Shades of Midnight on this site. It's a story the author Phoe (Chasing/Catching Rainbows) had to write on a bet (that I wasn't a part of!), and it's actually a vingette style piece based around Midnight growing up. While not 'my' take on it (I did help a little with ideas), it's still a spectacular piece of work.

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    147. I'm still holding out hope for a Midnight the 1st/Celestia prequel story! True enough, the conclusion would be a foregone one (spoiler: Midnight the 1st dying of illness and Trixie running away) but seeing how it got there (the romantic interludes between the sage and the storyteller, what the two talked about, for example) would be pretty fascinating! Little glimpses at Trixie and Twilight as innocent fillies would also be a neat treat (I'd love to see the part where Celestia tried to locate and help Trixie only to find that the grief-stricken child was long gone play out in narrative form)!

      Here's an idea for you to bat around: perhaps there could have been more to Midnight the 1st's tragic death than met the eye? One of Princess Celestia's courtiers might just have spied upon her final romantic interlude with the magician pony! Now this courtier's own romantic advances had previously been rejected by the Sun Princess and, infuriated by this cloak-clad interloper's relationship with her, arranges for Midnight to be taken out of the picture! So they pay someone to visit Midnight and Trixie's hometown and slip the magician pony a deadly poison! Meaning that Midnight the 1st was actually murdered! That way, in a later story, you could have the courtier's lingering jealousy drive them to try and have Midnight the 2nd done away with also...only, this time, they get caught and Midnight the 2nd's grandmother is finally avenged! Okay, I guess it's like something from a soap opera but it's a thought!

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    148. does anyone know if there is going to be an effort made towards a midnight fic? because her character stemming from these fics could have amazing potential...

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    149. There already is one. Well, sort of. It's called Shades of Midnight and you can find it on this site. Wasn't written by the original author but it's just as superb as the first four stories. I highly recommend it (the relationship between Midnight and Princess Luna is so sweet).

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    150. Please do continue this! Truly a beautiful story, and (granted, different author) Shades of midnight added a wonderfully touching epilogue... but it simply must go on!

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    151. This is heart-achingly good. When I finished it I didn't know whether to giggle happily to myself for cry tears of joy.

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    152. i hate to be "that pony" but in the second sentence it says "the ponies warm breath"
      it should be "the pony's warm breath"
      it's possessive. sorry if this has all ready been pointed out.

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    153. It was great. Beautiful.

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    154. Oh man, even after a month, and reading it dozens of times I still can't stop crying every time I read this...
      Why do you do this to me?
      <333

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    155. A wonderful and heart warming story that surely pulled at my heart strings at times.One thing I'd like to see is a fanfic about Midnight(Trixie's mom).

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    156. I've got a huge grin on my face right now, just because this is a brilliantly heartwarming story. Major props to the writer.

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    157. I will have to say, you have just presented me with one of the best Fan-Fiction Stories I have ever read. I thank you for this!

      You kept the Characters in Character, you kept the plot deep. You made Trixie a very interesting character for heavens sake! I admit, I am not much of a romance reader, but yours was involving. My god, I even had to fight off tears throughout.

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    158. Amazing! I loved this! It really touched my heart, it was such an amazing story! I was crying a lot, but loved the satisfaction of the ending. I've read plenty of shippings, but this is definitely one of my top three shippings!

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    159. WHAT. THE. HAY.
      LOL wow I just couldn't continue reading past the the first sentence or two after Trixie woke up in chapter 1 xD that WHOLE introduction was SO comical!

      6 STAR!! well done! I'll try and finish reading this one a bit later I'm still laughing my butt off XD

      Warning!!: do NOT read these and play them out in your head with Trixie narrating the story in Out in the cold XD

      P.S. YES it was that funny I had to stop reading to post this! This is gold <33

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    160. I've just read these and I'm impressed. I really enjoyed them all (the bonus chapter was very amusing!) I'm up rather late because of this fic and I have to say, morning well spent.

      Trixie's back story was really interesting and I really got a sense of how she was feeling. There aren't many stories I've read that convey those kind of emotions that well.

      I hope you keep writing because the more talented writers there are the more interesting stories there are for me to read :) I'm tempted to have a go at writing myself now. Sleep first of course!

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    161. I don't really understand the part in Shades of Midnight where she gets her cutie mark. Ok so she finds out she's destined to be great at magic like her mothers, but wtf does it have to do with the card?

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    162. Well, if there was a moral, I'd vote for "Don't mess with gender altering spells."

      Or something. I don't know, I'm still giggling and I can't get this goofy grin off my face. Confounded ponies...

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    163. Was there really any significance for Luna being there when Midnight was conceived? Trixie even said that she cast the spell, so I can't figure out why Luna being there was important (if it even is).

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    164. This was 5/5 material before I even finished the first chapter. There were a few little niggles here and there, but overall it was a fantastic read.

      Then I got to Chapter 3, and... well, damn. That was a beautiful, heartwarming way of filling in the backstory.


      6/5.

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    165. @Sun Ray

      The point if the card is symbolizing that just because you're borne in a certain situation, doesn't mean that you're dictated by that origin. The magician on the card is an Earth Pony, a species who can't use magic, yet this one has managed to surpass that and find his own path, just like Midnight will find her own path, despite being the child of three famous 'mothers'.

      At least, that's how I understand how Phoe wrote it.

      @Anonymous

      Luna was the catalyst that caused that Midnight to come about. She gave them "The Book", and then spurred it's use, and the situation that erupted from what she did in Reaching caused the lapse in judgment. Midnight was very much an accident when the three of them did things without thinking about the consequences.

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    166. How much you wanna bet that "the book" is some sort of "Kama sutra: pony style" type deal?

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    167. @Cottonmouthi would totally do that to the mono lisa

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    168. This is the first fic I've read that made me cry joyous tears...
      Manly joyous tears though!...
      Yes as manly as manly men can be!...

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    169. http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/06/story-moonlight-over-midnight.html
      This is the continuation that Derek wrote for this series. It takes place right after Shades of Midnight.
      Just for those who didn't know.

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    170. Thank you Rose. Now I have to spend another week trying to shun this story out of my head so I can stop crying about how inferior my fanfiction is.

      Because damn, who doesn't after reading this?

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    171. NotAGoodUsername360July 4, 2011 at 10:49 AM

      @CoffeeGrunt
      That'd be me, but only because a) I haven't gotten my fic to the point where it is good enough for this site (though the pre-readers, I must say, are AWESOME critics and really have helped my writing), and b) it's in a completely different genre ([Crossover][Comedy]).

      ...that reminds me, I need to finish the second draft of that... confound these good fanfics, they drive me to writing!

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    172. Last last chapter seems to enforce the same moral that Progress had: "Never suggest a threesome, no matter how hot it may be."

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    173. PDF'd and saved...
      all side stories and the works!
      LIKE A BAWS!

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    174. This is by far my favorite fanfic, it's not as over the top as some of the others. The only thing I dislike is that Chapter 2 and 3 are riddled with grammatical errors causing me to re-read a sentence 2 or 3 times over or simply to replace words with words. Other than those errors it was brilliant.

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    175. You know Trixie doesn't have a moon in her cutie mark, right?

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    176. This is definitely in my top two as far as fanfics go, and there is no question about that. This story was amazingly cute, it brought tears to my eyes and smiles to my mouth. One hopeless Romantic to another, I believe you've really, truly, come into your own with this story. Fantastic, fantastic work. I will probably be returning to read this again later.

      This is by far the cutest, and most heart-warming fic I have yet to have the pleasure of reading, and I humbly congratulate you, good sir.

      And I Dawwwwww'd so hard at the final scene of that last chapter. I just love this story that much. Thank you for writing this.

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    177. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    178. I admit that my initial reaction to the opening of "Reaching Midnight" was essentially "lolwut?".

      I mean, eventually it became "D'AWWWWWW". But still, I feel like there might have been better setups, and better ways of presenting the whole nine month period and the issue of coping with something pretty insane, than what was presented.

      Not that I didn't like the story overall. I was really awfully fond of "Water, Food, Shelter, Companionship", which I thought was a solid six-star story. The rest weren't quite as good, but I liked the general feeling and idea behind the work; I felt however that the execution didn't measure up as much as I had hoped. Still, a nice and solid effort.

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    179. A truly great bit, all the way through I felt myself enjoyin' it.

      Great end with the bonus chapter, Midnight ;_; So CUTE :D

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    180. That bonus chapter OH GOD that bonus chapter. I cant stop laughing its brilliantly done as an addon.

      Loved the story sad and soo much happy.
      Paused at the end laughing at the alst part of the 3rd part and then bonus chapter Best thing ever

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    181. Oh my God... what the hell did I just read? That bonus chapter. Omg. xD That was hilarious. xD

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    182. Very few stories make me feel happy these days.

      My reaction:

      *flailing arms while spouting gibberish*

      Written well enough to be considered great, described perfectly, character interaction is well done as well as the characters themselves.

      This is definitely one of those stories that make me shriek like a schoolgirl.

      This is why I like fanfiction. It gives us stories that will never happen in the series that we WANT to happen.

      However...

      I find it kind of *shudder* at HOW the foal came into existence.

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    183. I agree with Josh Spicer. Aside from a few grammatical errors, the story is certainly well-written and I think that the [sad] tag should be dropped (although it has its moments). It was a cheery little story and the whole idea of a magic beyond friendship really struck a chord with me. That insight was excellent, sir/madame (didn't check before writing this, sorry =/).

      The idea of mare-mare relationship is, well, rather tasteless to tell the truth (especially with the other friends' seeming nonchalance about the whole thing), but I know from stuff I've read (both fanfics and oodles of comments) that many bronies want something like this (you guys are one sick lot). Personally, I think mare-mare has no place in the MLP universe, but what the hay, it's a KIDS SERIES. Let the little ones have their fun...
      It's not like I can't find something with mare-stallion, so I blame you not.

      The tenderness and emotions in this story are spot-on, other authors writing shipping/sad/anything stuff should take note of this and see how it's really done. The whole tale felt thought-out and paced itself well and the connections and twists were excellently planned and executed. No loose ends = happy reader!

      On a decidedly negatory note: as Spicer also noted, the whole 3-way magic and its results was... disturbing, to say the least. I really think that if those two had a foal, it should've been more along the lines of a "magic conception" as opposed to a "magic transformation-leading-to-inception." Oh Celestia, the images that conjures up... let's not. IMO, the whole extra chapter was rather unnecessary. I was fine watching them trot into the sunset. Bottom line: keep Equestria clean guys, don't let your imagination run away with you (bad pun?).

      Anyways, overall, wonderful story, idea is good, just not my vision of a good pairing (mare-mare).

      4/5 horseshoes

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    184. That was just beautiful, thank you for writing this!

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    185. This story is great the characterization is perfect and i can see why Seth loves Twixie! Seriously a 5 out of 5.

      Although the final chapter blew my mind, i always found how that "situation" would be resolved but and it usually has something to with a spell and sometmes involving Luna (Confessions and Considerations, hint hint) but when i found out exactly "how" Luna was involved my mind was kinda blown and i had to stand up and truly contemplate the situation.

      But seriously one of the best Twixie stories ive read, also if anyone wants to read more good Twixie serach for Of Mares and Magic. Again truly wonderful fan fic! Keep up the good work!

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    186. typo, "how that situation would be resolved interesting"

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    187. Just finished reading all parts of this. Beautiful story. Trixie isn't even close to being my favorite character yet I like what the author did with her here.

      This has bumped it's way up to my second most favorite fic, along with Heart of Gold and Equestria Get's Screwed(cmon, who can't love that one? XD)

      Great work on this one. Sure hope the author does more stories in the future.

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    188. Applause. Other than your inability to write possessive nouns, wonderfully played! Took a bit to get going, but chapters 3+bonus are splendid indeed. Trixie's Canterlot performance is, I shall say with conviction, the best thing to come from her in ages.

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    189. 5 outta 5 for sure, I usually don't read a lot of shipping fics but this one was very touching.

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    190. Oh, and this story is in my top 10 list for all time favorite mlp fanfic.

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    191. Loved the first three stories!! Twixie's not my OTP or even my OTP for Twilight Sparkle, but this was beautifully well-written and heartwarming. As for the bonus chapter, I may take a look at it later, but I've got an idea about what's going on in that one. ;) Nothing wrong with it though, just not my taste!

      Anyway, bravo! :)

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    192. LOL'd at Trixies reaction near the end of the bonus chapter... of course I LOL'd most of the way through the story

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    193. Damn... These stories are trying really hard to make Twixie my OTP as opposed to Twi/Rarity.
      Still, really cute all the way, and I actually said "Really?" to my monitor out loud when I read the "dizzy spells" line. XD
      Once again, really damn cute story.

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    194. @Sethisto I wonder if there will be any radiant historia fan fics out there

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    195. This is impossibly good.

      I love you Esper.

      NOW WRITE TRIXIE/APPLE BLOOM.

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    196. Feels rushed and too out of character =P

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