• Story: This Platinum Crown (Update Part 30!)


    [Action][Intrigue]

    Author: Capn Chryssalid
    Description: After the time-looped events of The Best Night Ever, Rarity's relationship with Prince Blueblood seemed to be a fairy tale come true. Perhaps so, but it was a fairy tale soon cut short. Her dreams and future position quickly earn her the attention of powerful enemies. Only one mare can bear the Platinum Crown of the Duchy of Canterlot and be heiress to it's secrets and magics. The future of Equestria may well depend on that one mare being Rarity Unicorn.
    This Platinum Crown (FFN) (New Part 30!)

    This Platinum Crown (Fimfic)

    Additional Tags: Politics, Love, Secrets, Dominance, Dueling

    74 comments:

    1. @Rizvi MWAAA HA HA HA HA HA *sinister laugh*

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    2. Reaction: sees 'Intrigue' tag. "Huh. I hope original tags aren't being tossed around now." Sees it's a sequel to one of my top three favorite fics ever. "Oh, nevermind."

      I was just looking for something to send to my Kindle for today's pony fix! ^^

      I started listening to a new kind of music because of The Best Night Ever. Might comment again later, though I'll probably be super-critical there.

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    3. A sequel to The Best Night Ever, aka one of my all time favorite FIM fanfictions?!

      You've guaranteed a read from me for sure!

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    4. @Rizvi YOUR A BRONY ADMIT IT MWAAA HA HA HA HA

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    5. Don't feed the trolls, if you ignore them, they eventually go...

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    6. @utsusupony I'm not feeding the parasprite, Im just saying that he is alway's one of the top ten commenters and why would you comment so frequently if your a TROLL

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    7. @DashieBro

      Long time ago, my proffesor told me if you apply Ice's law to an annoying person, that person will dissapear, and trust me, thats the best weapon of Internet against annoying trolls.

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    9. "Intrigue" tag? Sequel to "The Best Night Ever"? Oh man, I am so reading this!

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    10. Wow, now this is a sequel I would have never expected. Obviously it will be a very different kind of story, but if the author can do even half as good it will still be be an awesome read.

      I'm full up on the number of incomplete fics I'm willing to track, but I'll be filing this away for later.

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    11. The good Capn is close to getting parts 4 and 5 online as I understand it, so hopefully everyone won't have to wait too long for UPDATE: COMPLETE!

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    12. Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!

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    13. Rivzi, you are a totally brony, still in stage 2, though.

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    14. Damn, I even spell yo name wrong.

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    15. *Gets out popcorn* This is gonna be guuud.

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    16. *Enter lame-pun coon*

      This looks.... Intriguing...

      Was always put off of 'The Best Night Ever' because of the movie Groundhog Day. But this story is going to make me go back and read it.

      and DAT COVER-ART!

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    17. With all that we've imagined, the reality of this story will make this, The Best Night E- Oh wait.... This is a sequel!? DAUGHUAGHAH!

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    18. Can it be possibly true!!!! Oh joy!
      Now I have something to do this weekend!

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    19. Ooh a sequel? Didn't even know one was in the works. Reading now!

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    20. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    21. Gadzooks! I read at once! At once!!

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    22. Oh, I read it all right. Capn, you are a PRINCE among ponies, not a Duke or a Baron, but a Prince. This ... is ... (channeling Rainbow Dash here) AWESOME!!!

      Six freakin' stars!

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    23. Wow. Sequel. And taken in this direction. I almost don't have to be sad there's no episode tomorrow.

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    24. Huh. Honestly, this type of story really isn't really my style. It's enjoyable, but this type of intrigue really isn't my thing. Good story though.

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    25. [Action][Intrigue]
      Meh...

      Author: Capn Chryssalid
      SOLD.

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    26. Omg, a sequel to my ALL TIME FAVORITE MLP fic?! :D

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    27. @LordOfTheWrongs

      This. My reaction.

      Might take a few notes, I'm trying to do an intrigue-style story of my own.

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    28. I was positively enchanted with the original story, and while this has taken a different course than than I expected, the writing so far has been top-notch.

      I'm mystified as to why this seems to be getting hit in the ratings--I understand that it might not be everyone's cup of tea, but surely a good story can still be recognized on its own merits.

      However, I do wish that this was on FiMFiction to make tracking easier, not the least reason is that Fanfiction is atrocious in comparison, but I'll just have to keep an eye out on EQD and stick to the gdocs version.

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    29. Oh...

      OH SNAP

      This is not good. Spike, please don't do this...

      UGH NO SPOILERS FOR THE REST OF YOU. All I gotta say is if you're on the fence about this... take a chance and READ IT. This is quality stuff.

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    30. Okay, after reading all three chapters now, my opinion hasn't changed significantly: this is still 5-star material, and the writing is excellent.

      Aside from what I spammed you with in the docs chat, there were a few other things of note.

      There were a lot of hyphens missing, which, while not usually a problem, could sometimes change the meaning of a sentence. I'm afraid I was lax on noting those, but it seemed to happen frequently.

      Although I like the fairly unhurried pace, and I liked the little aside with Lyra and Scootaloo (who seems to have parents, amazingly enough!), I do hope that you go somewhere with the Lyra segment, and that it wasn't just a lot of text to work in the humans humor.

      The griffins seems quite interesting in this universe, and I'll be curious to see how much they feature in future updates.

      Spike...oh Spike. What have you done, Spike?

      What else? Oh right. The slightly less upbeat notes.

      Your speech attribution tags are... creative, at times. Perhaps excessively so. In a way, they detract from the overall brilliance of the story, like needlessly dressing up furniture or a teapot. There's an elegance in the simpler, more common dialogue tags that allows us readers to not notice their repetition. Your dialogue and your character narration are good enough on their own for us to know just how something is being said, usually.

      And the most notable thing, which isn't an easy fix, but is a huge, huge, huge occurrence throughout your doc:

      You've got Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. Bad. Really really bad.

      As wiser, more experienced reviewers have put it before me (but in better words): main characters shouldn't be referred to by much more than their names and pronouns as far as narration and dialogue tags are concerned. Side characters might have a name and a title, either formal or informal. You use a different descriptor almost every instance of every character of note.

      Admittedly, pronoun confusion and repetition of names can become issues in their own right, but at that point, you might want to reconsider how your paragraph is constructed if it's becoming taxing on the brain.

      However, don't let this indicate that I dislike the story. The plot is interesting, the characterization is great, and as I've said before, the writing is excellent (keeping in mind the caveats above). I'm really looking forward to the next updates.

      I just wish you would put it on Fimfiction as well so I could track it : )

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    31. Its... interesting but not my cup of tea.

      I didn't like the way you tried to explain the Power bloques in Equestria, the fact that nobles somehow posses more Political power than the twice saviors of the entire realm/ holders of the mightiest power ever known in the Planet (one with a direct contact with the ultimate ruler and several with the personal favor/friendship of both of the Ultimate rulers), enough to treath and mislead one of them directly (if we go with your explanation of the power play, such ations would be not only foolish but suicidal) and the way you transformed the world of Equestria to fit in your fic.

      For me, bot socially and psichologically, it makes absolutely no sense and this disturb the reading constantly.

      I loved your story of the BNE, because it captured the feel of MLPFIM with the fun but horrorific realm that was the groundhog day, but this just seem to occur in another parallel Universe.

      It just doesn't add up.

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    32. Sequel to one of the best pony fics out there?
      Time to read. LIKE A MO-FO.

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    33. @Antiguo

      I have to agree. I liked the first story. But this story seems to over estimate the control of the nobility and minor officials.

      No one would be able to take ponyvile not while Celestia lives and breaths. We need to remember that Celestia could at any moment kick every noble pony to the curb, if she felt it was the best course of actions.

      Further as was already said the Elements of harmony are national hero's granted they don't really through their wait around but they could. I'm sure they need only to ask something of Celestia and they would have it.

      I'm also Sure Celestia would be extremely angry to such miss use of a position of power. Some may point out blood. But up until rarity meet he was a harmless mare chaser.

      And finally Celestia isn't omnipresent, but I'm quite sure she is still aware of what happens in her country.


      So unless something changes I will keep reading but I can't rate this story as high as I want it just doesn't make sense.

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    34. Well....bleh. I'm just not feeling it. I mean, it's an interesting story, but it's almost a chore to read. It hardly feels like a sequel -- it could with VERY minor changes be a sequel to pretty much ANY "Blueblood reforms" fic. And I think that's the problem, it's so completely different than what went before that it just completely throws things off.
      I'm not a fan of politics, at all, which adds to it.

      I'll continue to read this, but really I expended something a lot more entertaining.

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    35. This is a very interesting story. I never read the previous one but decided to give it a shot yesterday. I'm very glad I did and of course i decided to check out the sequel.

      Let me first say that your writing seems excellent. For Fanfiction it's top notch. There's basically no spelling or grammar mistakes which are great. All of the characters are in character and they all remain interesting. The story itself is very suspenseful and I myself reading through the whole thing in the span of a few hours. Now here is where a few of my gripes begin.

      For one, it doesn't really feel like a sequel. The first one was heartwarming and even comedic at times, this is darker and full of political intrigue. It's also very complicated. As others have said, a nobility with this much power seems odd. However i won't hold this against you too much. While it may not be a very believable scenario, it's incredibly interesting.

      I want to know what happens next, even if i don't quite understand it. I guess that's just the charm of political thrillers.

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    36. O.o

      You have successfully made me hate a pony. That's a good thing, because that pony is named Antimony.

      But will she lose? That's the question. I'm not going to tempt fate here and say anything about that, but... She's just scary. And mean. I'm just glad Pinkie tends to see through her most of the time.

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    37. "How nice," Rarity said, returning the note. "Apparently my duel of honor is now a prime-time sports event. Perhaps I should wear a mask and a colorful costume."

      I...I really want to see Rarity as a luchadora now. O.O

      Not much new to add with chapter 4. Still quite a bit of LUS and far more said-bookisms than I care for. The tonal shift from high drama to Daring Doo to wet-mane Rarity was smoothly executed, though odd. I suppose there's only so much you can work with when your base materials are pastel marshmallow ponies.

      I'm not sure if you ever actually intended this to be a sequel or not, but I've been interpreting the description more in the vein of a story that simply happens to be in the same continuity as TBNE. We get a lot more POV characters to look through, and at times it's not always guaranteed that we'll sympathize with the pony who we're shadowing.

      Everyone thinks they're in the right, and that's a good thing. It makes the line between cliche villainy blurred or nonexistent, and that makes for a far more interesting read. In light of that comment, I truly hope that as the story progresses, we don't suddenly see Antimony as being corrupted by the spirit of her father or falling back on some weak excuse to be a prat for its own sake.

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    38. I just now got a chance to read the new chapters. Whatever happens during the duel i can see Antimony getting arrested. Even if nobles have as much political power as implied that whole display in the classroom was insane.

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    39. Yeah, Antimony took a rather sudden and unexpected turn toward arch-villainy in Ch. 5. Huh.

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    40. Hello, friends and readers.

      I wish I could more easily respond to everyone who takes the time to post comments to me, but short of making public "reply" to every single post, it just doesn't seem feasible. Nonetheless, I feel it is only right that I try and make a response to answer some inquiries, as I normally do not make many author notes in the fanfic proper.

      First: I knew from the start that this was not quite what people were expecting from a sequel. It tells a different but related story that follows TBNE chronologically, but not necessarily thematically (which is not to say a certain side story isn't in the works elsewhere). Every fanfic starts as a sort of mental challenge to myself: what could not only be interesting to explore, but hopefully be something new and fresh for people to read. World of Ponycraft thus began because I couldn't find a quirky MMO crossover; The Best Night Ever was my take on a 'finished' and flush Blueblood story that was both 'redemption' and character study, more the latter than former, mixed with comedy.

      Given the above, I created this story specifically in response to finding few fictions that didn't brush away the 'castles and nobles' of Equestria as fodder. This is instead them written as important albeit often flawed parts of pony society (consider it a darker mirror of the comedic incompetence we expect from elected officials in cartoons, like Mayor Mare, Mr Mayor, Mayor Quimby, Mayor Adam West, etc). Please note also that canon cartoon seems to explicitly try and NOT have other ponies make much of the mane cast being the vaunted Elements of Harmony. To the point where I think they lampshaded it with the casual dismissal of Rarity in Canterlot, what must have been months after she was honored for helping to petrify (re-seal) Discord. Special treatment for the mane six should thus be the exception rather than the norm, which I explain by the girls not flaunting or trying to abuse their 'gifts.'

      Of course, what is "revealed" in the fic may not be all that is actually transpiring. Celestia, curiously, had been absent from the fic so far. What might our resident benevolent trickster and chess master be up to?

      To conclude: I know that change, these themes, and certain other aspects may not be to everyone's liking. However, I find the challenge is always in trying to tackle a harder subject and harder story than the one previous. In this way I wish to incrementally improve as a writer in general.

      Drakmire brings up LUS - which elicited a bit of a chuckle when I first read it. This is actually something I picked up from years (many years) of writing Ranma 1/2 fanfiction, and indeed, the root of it is to reduce repetition in terms of "he said, she said" especially since practically the entire cast is female. Moreso than any other fic I've attempted. While LUS may be less than ideal, the end result is always an attempt to reduce confusion over who is speaking and what they are doing, while as I said, minimizing repetition.

      Even though I've taken care to foreshadow many things (and added a few bright red fish to distract the eye) I do hope to throw a few surprises and curve balls in, too. The duel begins next chapter. Please, never hesitate to contact me via emails, PMs, reviews or comments with any concerns, positive or negative.

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    41. Twilight Sparkle: Trollestia's greatest student. ^_^

      Really, though, your describing/demonstrating Celestia's methods of teaching via trolling was pure genius, and a great way to break up the tension just a little.

      And all of the little hints you keep dropping about Antimony's malice, urge to dominate, and evil magics are wonderful as well. Just when I start to kinda forget that she's not just a run-of-the-mill if a little too amiable noblepony who is a resigned victim of politics, you let a little bit of her façade slip. What's better, the façade slips in believable ways. Either we're peeking into a private moment, or her faculties are somewhat compromised (drunk or very emotional). And you're keeping her mysterious while giving us glimpses at what she can do (illusions that can do physical harm, mesmiric glare, enchant weapon). And then there's how you show other ponies' reactions to these momentary cracks in her façade. Not much in the way of running away screaming in terror, and they aren't all just blithely ignoring them, either. Instead, they seem to be just getting hints that something about her isn't quite right...something a little sinister. Congratulations, I think I've found my new favorite villain.

      Sorry about all of the gushing. The pacing and so much else is so good that I kept finding myself surprised that I'd reached the end of a chapter. The suspense is truely gripping, as well. I'd hate to rush you, so just know you have me as a minion in your thrall if you need anything.

      Anyhow, how's Blueblood doing? It's been awhile since we've heard from him. I'm guessing from the bit where Antimony was wishing he'd be at the duel that he'll turn up then, seeing as he left earlier than she'd anticipated?

      Yep, this is one of those fics that gets me really excited, like Fallout: Equestria, Past Sins, or Through the Eyes of Another Pony. Keep up the epic!

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    42. @Capn_Chryssalid

      Comme tu veux. I only pointed out LUS for the same reason I pointed out anything else.

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    43. Sooo... is Antimony planning on killing Blueblood after she has a proper heir from their union? Was this always her plan? If Antimony carried out her plan as initially conceived what would happen to Rarity if Blueblood died? I recall that Dams and their children pretty much exist at the sufferance of the wife, I think.

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    44. @Capn_Chryssalid

      It took me some time to warm up to this. As you say, it is a very different story than Best Night Ever. But having just finished chapter 6, this is now the story I most look forward to seeing more of, out of everything on EQD.

      Two suggestions I would like to offer:

      1) Rarity cannot accept money from Antimony for the dress she commissioned. It's an obvious trap for Antimony to offer it, but it would be both clever and classy for Rarity to go ahead and make the dress...but give it as a gift.

      2) I'd like to offer an opposing view to Bugsydor's comments above about Antimony's "malice" and her "slipping facade." I *don't* want to see her slide off the slippery slope. You've written her to be an extremely reasonable personality. She's not evil. She's simply determined to do whatever it takes to accomplish her goals. But even so she's taken steps to minimize the harm she causes. She's been courteous and very understanding of Rarity's affections for Blueblood. She's been honest with everypony, and despite Pinkie's objections she was not being "mean" when she described the facts of situation to Rarity. She may be a power-seeker, but she's a very sympathetic villain. She has reasons for what she does, she's up front about her goals, and while she will not give them up, she conducts herself with honesty and dignity and has demonstrated a preference for stepping on as few ponies as possible in accomplishing them. It would be disappointing to see her "kick the dog" just to justify for the reader that she be defeated. I don't want to see her defeated. Rarity does need to end up with Blueblood, but I would very much like to see Antimony get what she wants too. I think this story needs to end in such a way that everypony gets what they want. I think the correct resolution is not for either of them to be defeated...but simply for the situation to become framed such that the most direct path for Antimony to get what she wants, happens to also mean that Rarity gets what she wants.

      Everypony wins.

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    45. 1) I love the story... but as far as sequels go it's a hell of a mood shift. The author's gone from "Groundhog Day" to "a Game of Thrones" in one leap.

      2)That said, I wish authors would remember this is MY LITTLE PONY, and tone back on the grim gritty desperation.

      3)The inclusion of a whole class of nobility--- ones with vast sweeping medieval powers--- rather clashes with the atmosphere of the show. In the show it seems something closer to that of Parliamentary England, with nobility existing but (save for the Sisters, for obvious reasons) largely symbolic. The ruthless backstabbing powermongering system presented in the story is a bit anachronistic in a world of pastel ponies that is quite possibly literally powered by the Magic of Friendship.... such venomous animosity and ruthless arrogance as shown by Antimony's family should have unleashed Discord, brought down the Windigos, or just bought them all a one-way ticket to the Moon from Celestia. Possibly all three.

      4)yeah, Antimony IS an evil bitch. She's willing to destroy an entire town just to make her grab for the platinum crown easier. That's evil, no matter how politely it's done. Anyone who's willing to do what her family does for power should be kept as far away from having it as possible.

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    46. Anyhow, here's this fic's fledgling tropes page I just set up. It's by no means complete, but I need to go to bed. Feel free to add all of the stuff I missed!

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    47. Ok, screw this fic. There's just way too much political crap involved.

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    48. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    49. Wow! 3 Chapters at once! No wonder it took so long. I approve.

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    50. I am a tad confused, why did Rarity intentionally look into her eyes at the end?

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    51. @djthomp Well, Rarity can't exactly fight back physically anymore. I assume the next stage will be a tussle of the minds.

      It also makes an excellent stopping point, shows defiance by Rarity and is a perfect way to ramp up suspense for the next chapter during the inevitable delay between now and then.

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    52. Huh, well I suppose.

      Personally I can't wait for Pinkie to go ballistic about Antimony breaking her Pinkie Promise to not hurt Rarity...

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    53. Here's more positive feedback for chapter 0. I reread chapter 1, and it all flows so much more.

      I'm still bothered by Twilight not understanding Rarity's feelings of romanticism. It seems strange that Twilight wouldn't understand Rarity's desire for romance at least intellectually, even if she didn't feel the same. The sentence I really don't like: "Twilight's first instinct was to ask her how that was so bad." (Chapter 2). It's dropping a bomb without any real warning. The idea of Twilight being okay with polygamy isn't so bad per se, but the fact that some ponies are okay with it is suddenly just put out there in the thoughts of a pony we all know and love. It's abrupt.

      EQD isn't reordering the chapters, mb you should make a note at the beginning of chapter 1 about chapter 0 also?

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    54. DUN DUNNNN!

      God DAMMIT this story is good!

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    55. I love what I've read so far. Antimony is an excellent villain who does a fantastic job setting the tone of the piece.

      ...But then you had to go and declare this a Shonen Jump manga - "More high-stakes dueling to come!". Not interested.

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    56. @nifboy

      The second half, if I do it as I had initially planned months ago when I came up with this, was meant to extend some of the contest-for-the-crown to the rest of the mane six. All of whom, with the exception of Twilight, have not had a chance to show their chops.

      Funny enough, Antimony was planned to be the only one to actually request a proper and honorable duel. Note that she doesn't think back on the competition she's faced before Rarity with a whole lot of fondness. Such was the plan, anyway.

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    57. @Capn_Chryssalid

      I was probably too coarse in saying I wasn't interested - I'm still going to read it. But I still have that feeling I got from watching Bleach introduce a dozen captains with a dozen vice-captains and so forth.

      It may just be an artifact of reading in "real time" - you put the first major climax, resolution, and started ramping up again all in a single update.

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    58. Sir, this fic is a triumph. I love just about everything in here. That you pack in all this world building and detail about society, manage to make this a believable sequel (as disconnected as it feels at first) to another totally awesome fic, and then make a smashing story with lots of imagination and detail leaves me happy to be a follower of this story, and only hope I can provide the same kind of entertainment in my fic. This kind of story gives depth to characters without overtly trying to make a point of being sad or particularly emotional, which I happen to like. I'm glad to hear there will be a second half. I eagerly await it.

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    59. "Action! Intrigue! Running!"

      Anybody get that reference?

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    60. About Chapter 1, someone please tell me if Baroness Antimony is being a bitch to Rarity or not? I really can't figure out the tone.

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    61. Totally got the A10 reference in the latest chapter, the amount of research you must do boggles the mind!

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    62. Someone please tell me when this is going to be updated again? I really wanna know what happens next.

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    63. The longer This Platinum Crown goes the less interesting it becomes

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