Author: Mist
Description: Magic works in strange ways, and seems to manifest in every pony differently. It’s always about how one uses their gifts that magic has given them that matters. Sweetie Belle has learned one thing for certain in the past few years, and that is some gifts can quickly turn into a curse.Like Me
Bad Habit
Like Me (Sequel New!)
Additional Tags: Magic, Growing-up, sad, mystery, Cutie Mark Crusaders,
65 comments:
Slice of life tag? Thats a new one....
ReplyDeletewow, iv'e never seen the "slice of life" tag on EQD before.
ReplyDelete@Colt Classic I know!!
ReplyDeleteIt sound (and looks) like an epic story. I just hope that it was written well
My thoughts exactly. Must have taken a page out of FIM Fiction's book.
ReplyDelete*sounds
ReplyDeleteAh, and it's written in the first pony with an intriguing framework.
ReplyDelete*continues reading*
Wow.
ReplyDeleteThat was really good. I don't often review fanfiction, but I really liked it. Original premise that was done really well, and everypony was in character. The ending gave me a little needed hope too.
Wish I comment more, but I'm almost speechless. Really good.
I am somehow going to find a way to give this six stars
ReplyDeleteThat story was depressing.
ReplyDeleteYet I like it anyway.
I'd suggest adding the years the story sections take place for reference to later readers.
ReplyDeleteI read this story on FIMFiction. It's a very sad one. But then again, life is just like that. How would YOU react if you knew exactly how and when everyone was going to die? My only concern is that she only tried to prevent death once, and never again. But that was already explained in the comments over at FIMFiction. The author said that two years of depression would have weakened her will to try again anyway.
ReplyDeleteMmmm i must read at ONCE!
ReplyDeleteNo mention of her looking in a mirror?
ReplyDeleteAnd I did not expect that ending. I was thinking one of the princesses visits and she's comforted by somepony immortal.
This ending just brings up so many questions, so I hope there's a sequel.
Yea, Sweetie Belle did look at a mirror, but she couldn't see her own destiny or numbers above her head. Just think of how Death Note did it, you can see everyone else's but not yourself.
ReplyDeleteAnd not the new colt either, which is why Sweetie actually tried to make friends with him. The author wasn't planning on making a sequel but said if we bugged them enough, then they might.
This story was great, but it was sad. I hope it has a sequel.
ReplyDeleteI hardly read fanfic, but I decided to give this one a shot. It had a very Death Note aspect to it, but nowhere near as violent.
ReplyDeleteIts hard writing in first person and doing it well, but this author pulled it off. :)
I sort of want a sequel, but i'm not sure if it would be necessary. Great job!
Dude...inb4 [Sad] tag? Jeez. Lure me in with [SoL] and BAM! sadness...
ReplyDeleteWell written with moderate errors, but nothing distracting.
This deserves a continuation. Make it happen.
@Nulono
ReplyDeleteAh, I see. I missed that.
Are... are those freaking expiration dates?! jeez, this leaves no room for optimism going into reading it. I normally avoid sad tags 'cuz they ruin my happy day, but... I am tempted...
ReplyDeleteAlso... is that her special talent? predicting life expectancy? I might read just to discover what kind of cutiemark goes with THAT kind of talent...
Slice of life tag, image with dates above ponies...
ReplyDeleteShinigami eyes, anypony?
Anyway, sounds interesting... Will read it.
That was Sad....
ReplyDeleteAnd that was Awesome
I hope the author will continue this
It's a sad story, but well done.
ReplyDeletealright everypony, time to bug the love and tolerance out of the author to make a sequel, since this not finished yet for me
ReplyDeleteRead it and tear is coming out of my eye right now.....THIS NEED A SEQUEL! *kicks creator into making sequel*
ReplyDeleteThis is one of those times I'm quite thankful for the author supplying a picture.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good story that deserves to be carried on
ReplyDeleteI'm actually glad this one's a single shot story. Don't think I could take any more Emo-Belle.
ReplyDeleteI didn't like the characterization in this story. The only thing that saved it for me is the extremely interesting premise. In fact, I'm so curious that I am going to demand that you create a sequel. If you don't make a sequel then I have no choice but to hate you forever. Do it. Do it right now....please.
ReplyDeleteThis story makes me so sad. It was good, but so sad.
ReplyDeleteIn my mind, she will eventually open up, and tell Rarity. After some digging, she'll learn that she CAN change things, but she has to be ever so careful of the details as to not CAUSE. Once changed, a pony looses their looming date...
At least that's what I'll tell myself, so I can sleep tonight.
Hopefully the unnamed new colt will coax her out of her shell and get her to explain her problem to those around her. They're all magical rainbow ponies, so I don't think they'd find it that hard to believe.
ReplyDeleteAlso... EPIC fail on the authors part for NEVER ONCE bringing up her cutie mark. Either she never got one cause she is refusing to accept this as a "special" talent, or he just plain forgot... Since no pony asks... I'm sadly leaning toward the latter of the two options.
ReplyDeleteI'd imagine, for it to not bring up obvious questions, maybe something ambiguous. At first, I though maybe something like a black calendar, but I realized that was both lame and stupid. I'm more inclined towards it being a scissor and thread... that would be fitting, and easily confused by ponies who know her even closely...
She sees when a pony's life line will be cut down by fate... but other ponies might confuse it for a sewing related talent, which would never be questioned given her sister's profession.
I guess that's my take on the issue of cutiemarks...
Would have been better if the author had taken it into consideration.
@richfiles
ReplyDeleteI don't think the story ever focused on her special talent. It was just describing her specific magic ability (for instance, Rarity being able to seek gemstones).
Almost like a Death Note crossover, as if Sweetie Belle has Shinigami Eyes.
ReplyDeleteThe whole story feels like an intro; a sequel is really needed. The story mentions in passing her trying to save somepony. Why not let us actually see her do it? Why not show other ponies' reactions to learning what's wrong? It seems glaringly incomplete.
ReplyDelete@Ceci
ReplyDeleteRarity's specific magic ability was her gem finding ability, and that manifested as her special talent when she discovered her ability to tie them into her fashion.
Twilight's Special talent IS magic, and ties directly to her role as the Element of Magic. Her cutie mark followed her magical outburst immediately.
I'm sure there CAN be exceptions, but it seems that with unicorns at least, their innate magical talent tends to revolve around what their special talent will be. If they do develop a special magical ability, it seems, as has been seen so far, to directly relate to the special talent and ultimately the cutiemark.
I can't really say any more than that it seems like an afterthought that simply was never thought about by the author. I really think he forgot, genuinely forgot. At least if he had outright made mention of her still not having a cutie mark after her magic came in, it might have been more understandable, and more a mystery to her fellow ponies, but it's just not mentioned...
Not mentioned in a story that FOCUSES on one of the three Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Yeah. Sure.
"Don't worry, you'll get your cutie mark someday", or a misunderstanding of her cutiemark if she does have one that leaves Sweetie Belle offended, would be far more in character and emotionally tying than "Lets watch a movie, so we can do something together".
I say this as a simple critique to the author's work. It's an area that could have been improved upon, and it would have brought far more to the story, and left it not feeling so detached from the Equestria we know. It left too much emotional detachment for the characters, who felt too much like stand ins for the genuine characters.
Still, an amazing, though sad story.
You guys really want more of this?
ReplyDelete@Hello
ReplyDeleteWell, it's not exactly an original premise. In fact, as others have noted, it's exactly like the Shinigami Eyes from "Death Note". I'm rather unexcited by the idea of 'fate' any longer in stories where there is not some sort of twist that actually makes it sensible and unique. For instance, 'fate' could be revealed as the authors of the series, or the imagination of the creator (Faust!). That would be more like the sort of twist the Twilight Zone would throw in to add that extra touch of surrealism which made the show's tales so special. But here, it's treated as a very plain, one-dimensional plot device; it's a vehicle for teenage angst and the modern-day 'nothing matters' mindset.
@Mist Skye
ReplyDeleteYes. In fact, I think most of these comments will back that up. :)
~D
@Mist Skye
ReplyDeleteYes! This was very interesting. Though I see what you were tying to do with the way you ended it, t ended up more as feeling cut off. A sequel or some kind of closure/conclusion would make this so much clearer :)
@Mist Skye You kidding me? This is a great story and I would love to see it continued. Please keep writing more!
ReplyDelete@Mist Skye YES DEAR GOD YES
ReplyDeleteSecond chapter:
ReplyDeleteWhat do they see when they look at Celestia and Luna? Perhaps the immortal princesses have an answer-- and a ray of hope-- for them>
And are their forecasts of death as absolute as they think? Or do they just see what was MOST LIKELY to happen? Is the future as fated and sealed as they think? Or is there a way to change the future? In a world with magical ponies, anything should be possible.
@RHJunior
ReplyDeleteI think a lot of people are forgetting that I myself have never stated that the "fates", are absolute. Sweetie Belle did, and she did so through inference, not research. So it's highly possible that she may be wrong, but she could also be right.
Just a thought.
@Alondro As I said before, I myself never said that the "fates" are absolute, Sweetie Belle inferred they were. There is always the chance that she is wrong.
ReplyDeletePlus I find it inplausible to assume that even if Sweetie Belle could prevent these deaths that she would. Do you expect her to go about saving everypony selflessly all the time? It's just a silly superhero mentality then.
i dont want to read it anymore. i might be slightly hooked. i hope im not.
ReplyDeleteAh, this was amazing. One of the best I've read in a while.
ReplyDeleteWow that was a great story! Very sad and very interesting :)
ReplyDeleteSweet Dragons above. . .that's. . .wow. Hard to imagine what it would be like seeing when everyone you know is going to die. . but I think that pretty much captured the mental struggle someone would have to put up with. . .very very very well done.
ReplyDeleteI think the premise is morbid to the point of silliness. I know misery loves company, but the end does not give me any hope for SB's future. I think the most annoying part was how surprisingly morbid ALL of her predictions were. It was a good plot point for Rarity to have such an unfortunate future, but everyone? Not a single natural or peaceful death? Again, that's just silly.
ReplyDeletePerhaps it's the fact that this story is complete that actually bothers me. I think the story presents a bunch of "what-ifs" then leaves the reader to create the rest of the story themselves. That isn't necessarily bad, but I greatly dislike it.
I don't want to be discouraging. I just felt the need to say something. This has gotten plenty of praise, so who am I to say what's good or bad. Shruggingpony.jpg
@Ergo Cogito The doctor dies of a heart failure if I recall, and Pluck dies of a stroke, fairly common deaths that come with old age.
ReplyDeleteThe other deaths are mostly explainable: With Scootaloo's love for flying it's not implausible to say she could die in an accident from carelessness, especially if she's half as daring as Rainbow Dash.
Applebloom is a stubborn hard worker, so it's not too farfetched to say she could die in an accident related to some kind of construction work or something.
Rarity is at the wrong place at the wrong time, simple as that.
Plus as I said before I myself personally have never stated heads or tails that these deaths are "absolute" I have only shown how Sweetie Belle perceives them. When you're reading in first person you must always consider that the story teller isn't being either 100% truthful, or 100% accurate. There is always the possibility that Sweetie Belle is wrong.
I like to think that the end gives her a reason to live in the sense that somepony understands her, not that she has someone else with the same "curse". I think she'd be happier just to have someone who's been there, and it's living proof that you get through it. At least that's what I think.
As for ending it where I did, I feel it's important to always leave something that readers can ask "and then what?"
@RHJunior
ReplyDeleteCelestia
January 6th, 6.354*10^122
by suicide after the heat death of the universe
Well this story is not for me but the author seems pretty good. If they have works in the future more my speed I will definitely be reading.
ReplyDeleteI liked it but it sorta made be depressed, I'd like to see a sequel/continuation of this story.
ReplyDeleteDeath Note inspired much?
ReplyDeleteGotta say: I liked the premise, I liked the story, I LOVED Rarity's role in this and I liked a lot of the minor details in the writing.
But there was too much sadness for me to feel sad. When you only leave tears in a story, it's hard to see where your own should come from. There should be something that you don't want to lose in any sad story, imo. When a character laughs, it's all the harder to see them die.
Sweetie Belle also kind of annoyed me. I don't know if Emo is the right word, but her stubbornness seemed too out of character, even if she had matured.
Still, the story was well-written and catchy. It made me frown, think and smile, so I guess I can give it an above average rating :)
@Mist Skye
ReplyDeleteFrom Schindler's List (a quote from the Talmud, engraved on the ring given to Oscar Schindler by the workers: He who saves one life, saves the world entire.
No one can save every life, just as many as you can. Which is worse, to only save a few lives, or give up and save none?
Superman already went through this inner turmoil in the comics... several times, I believe.
Each individual is responsible only for what they have the power to do.
Besides, I had also thought that the 'fate' in this story could easily be broken: if she decided to kill them all BEFORE their fated time! Then the only way fate could stop her would be to kill her fist. But, frankly, that would've been even more depressing and ghastly.
There were always three possible paths, three choices: try to save (optimist), do nothing (nihilist/pessimist), or try to kill (despair/psychopathy).
@richfiles: clearly Sweety Belle's cutie mark is a clock.
ReplyDeleteAlso, to repeat what's been said before. Sweety Belle, Y U have Shikami's eyes?!?
@Ichise This story had nothing to do with Death Note, nor was it Death Note inspired for the record. ;)
ReplyDelete@Mist Skye "Silly"? Sweetie as a superhero would be EPIC, and I'd write that sidefic if I could write.
ReplyDelete@Nulono As long as you link back to the original in the description I have no problem with this.
ReplyDeleteI'm also curious what would happen if she saw Celestia or Luna; are they literally immortal, or just extremely long-lived? And what sort of huge, cataclysmic event would it take to kill them off? I can't imagine them just being stabbed to death by a traitorous chancellor or something.
ReplyDeleteWhen Sweetie Belle "inferred" that the dates were unchangeable, and you showed nothing to contradict it, you might as well have made her inference overt fact. Do not expect readers to infer what you do not give them.
ReplyDeleteThis story is grossly incomplete. Were I a teacher I'd hand it back to you with that mark.
*sees interesting summary, reads despite sad tag*
ReplyDelete*gets a bit in*...
"Sweetie Belle as a living Death Clock? Now I'm REALLY intrigued"
*reads even more enthusiastically*....
*sigh* And then it crashed and burned.
ReplyDeletePretty much all the complaints are right. I mean, it could have gone in an interesting direction...but no. The enjoyableness of this fic is kinda a reverse parabola. The ending especially is really...just wrong.
I almost dare say this almost calls for a someone to write a fanfic on this fanfic to 'fix' it.
Very interesting story. You hooked me right from the beginning with Sweetie Belle's special ability, and I was engrossed for the most part all the way up until the end. Of course, several others have already critiqued the ending, so I don't have to reiterate that (though I also agree with the others that a chapter 2 would be nice). But I also felt that the sleepover with Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash was kind of forced, like it was just there for the sake of being there. I could be missing something, but it feels like the only purpose of that scene (besides giving Rainbow Dash tuberculosis) was to give Sweetie Belle the idea of suicide from watching a horror movie, which might have been more easily done with Rarity since she had already previously offered to watch a movie with Sweetie Belle. On the other hand, it's possible that you used the sleepover in order to avoid using Rarity too much in the story. In that case, the sleepover could have been a good place to have Apple Bloom and Scootaloo attempt to interact with Sweetie Belle again, perhaps bringing up cutie marks or whatever Scootaloo's situation was.
ReplyDeleteI must say that I was especially moved by the interactions between Sweetie Belle and Rarity. At first, I was surprised that Rarity was so unhesitatingly kind (almost approaching Fluttershy levels of kindness). But, although canon Rarity probably would not have displayed such unwavering patience, I feel that within the context of the fanfic as it is now, the exceedingly calm and sympathetic Rarity in this story is an even better fit, accentuating as well as contrasting Sweetie Belle's extreme withdrawal from her older sister. It's a great counterbalance in my opinion, especially since there appears to be no third-party to interact with Rarity (like Applejack did in Sisterhooves Social). Of course, this fanfic takes place at least two years in the future, so it's possible that Rarity has simply become more sisterly by that time. Very nice in my opinion.
@Mist Skye By "if I could write" I don't mean if you'll let me. I mean if I had any literary talent whatsoever. :P
ReplyDeleteThanks, though.