Author: Needed
Description: Twilight has a very important visitor coming to visit her, but is dumbfounded when a mysterious stallion crashes into her house with an odd blue box. Another Doctor Whooves fanfic!An Unexpected Guest
An Unexpected Guest Part 2 (New!)
15 comments:
Can't wait for the next part.
It's a good story but I have 1 small problem with it not with your writing but
The doctor knows his name, and only his family and very close friends know his name
@Anonymous
Glad you liked it.
Cool story bronie!
I hope you update soon :D
It's getting quite interesting.
Almost can't wait for the next part
the link is broken )=
Could you please find somebody to edit it for you? It sounds like an interesting story but there are enough spelling, grammar and structural mistakes that it's not enjoyable :(
Try separating the dialogue from the narrative, that really helps with flow.
e.g
The man walked into the room. It was small and narrow, with a single chair in the middle. "Small room." he said. He them walked over and sat down on the chair and began to read Doctor Whooves fanfiction.
with separated narrative and dialogue:
The man walked into the room. It was small and narrow, with a single chair in the middle.
"Small room." he said.
He then walked over and sat down on the chair and began to read Doctor Whooves fanfiction.
And try indenting at the beginning of each new paragraph, it helps the reader to follow your story's flow by identifying where you begin a new line of thought.
Just some pointers, keep up the good work!
Ohohohoho...
I do quite enjoy these.
Expecially when Toilet Spankle's mouth fails to make sound!
@Anonymous
Yeah, I'm starting to realize this, I've been trying to do it more recently. Thanks for your notes! I don't write fanfiction.. or any sort of stories very often, and I appreciate any of the help that anybody is willing to give me.
sndrec, the easiest way if you can find somebody you trust is to ask them to edit it for you inline - the second-easiest way is to ask somebody who you know at least will get back to you with a copy-paste edited version you can replace yours with. The third easiest way is to check how somepony else does it and copy their rules...
* all new speech by a different character goes on a new line
* don't put *too* many extra lines in...the main ones to hit are new speech, and new paragraphs
* you can either indent each first line of a new subsection with a TAB, or do like I and some others do and double-space your way to glory with an extra line between everything that matters. Bad habit, I know, but it makes reading on a monitor easier for me, that's why I do it.
* check out the writefriend guide somewhere on this site...
heeeyyy, you've fixed it up a bit since last time. Much better - could do with a teensy bit more work but it's far more enjoyable now! If anything, you should use a few less lines (be careful) and perhaps a TAB rather than two extra spaces at the beginning of a new subject - but YMMV.
"Twilight was tired.
She had been throwing books around the whole day, and she still..."
should be all on one line, as wrapped by the document itself, for example, but
***
"What do you mean, the doctor? Doctor who?"
"No, just The Doctor."
***
is exactly right, though following the pattern properly, you would indent both of those lines with a TAB or 2 spaces.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled fanfic...
Thank you, very nice post.
This story is getting me excited ive read part one at least 5 times and im getting ready to re-read part one again and then part two for the 2nd or 3rd time!
are you planning on continuing this? or did you stop?
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