General: A mysterious pony comes into Ponyville but Twilight senses something familiar about her.
Where's the rest of it? It's like it cuts off partway through.
Yeah, sorry haha. Im going to add a lot more tonight.
nnngh, it kinda looks like it was thrown into a blender.I'm just saying that instead of jumping from Twilight to Rainbow to Twilight and back again to Rainbow, try telling all of Rainbow's part first and THEN go to Twilight's part.
Going to edit a bunch of stuff thanks to a friendly person I met while reviewing my fic.
The last line terrified the HELL out of me...but in a good way XD
@bubsAKAverminIts just a form of story telling. It can actually be quite fun to read at times you just need to keep track of basically two timelines. I feel the transitions between the two are done adequately. I look forward to the next part.
Glad you guys like it. Next part will be up tonight!
Okay, there we go. Part two is up, and I will be making a part three, but I'm dropping the whole perspective thingy because if I did that it would just be a repeat of Twilights part.Any constructive criticism would be great. :DThank you
Does anyone have anything to say about it?
Is there any more to this cause its getting good, besides that its a great story keep it up!
I like this story, I don't have really a critical point or somethingI just like the story and await the next part eagerly
okay heres what happened. My computer is having a problem so I'll try my best to get the conclusion up. It's written and everything I just don't have the computer to put it up on the document. I'd say it should be up by late tomorrow or Wednesday. Also, there's going to be another short story after it related to this so keep your eyes peeled for that.Thanks for all the support guys. :)
Updated the story! With my phone, haha! But still, enjoy and as usual, post any problems or things you want to point out!
>using GOOGLE browser to look at GOOGLE docs>you are using an unsupported browserwaaaaaaaaaat
@AnonymousI think it's due to his creating it with his iphone, the link looks really weird on firefox too.. it works but looks weird.
lol, at first when Twilight was all "I don't care where you go Spike, but you're not staying here tonight!" it was so reminiscent of someone trying to get rid of their roommate/parents/whoever so they can use the place to get laid, lmao. I was sure there was such a scene coming up in this; but I guess not yet, lol. :P
I can't read it. It just brings me to the google docs homepage.
Derppp. I'll try to fix it
Nice story. I will read the continuation if there ever is one. IF you updated this one I'd suggest rearranging the first parts so that it flows sequentially, the constant shifting of perspective did not work for me. Maybe even add some stuff. -The part with rainbow Dash was pretty uneventful.
Thanks for all the feedback guys. It means a lot. Right now, I'm working on a story for the writeoff so I should have something new up on the 14th if you would like to check it out.
still not workingDo I really need an account to read it?
@AnonymousNo, you shouldn't. Let me check it.
Not working yet... goes to the "google docs" main page and stays there.
google docs homepage? thats not as exciting to read.
Wow that romance was astoundingly smooth, until the end 4.5/5 sry