Author: Fickle
Description: Where did the two Princess sisters come from? What contributed to their existence or creation? The origin of the two sister rulers and the world of Equestria are revealed.
All Links After the Break!
The Rage of Two Sisters Part 1
The Rage of Two Sisters Part 2
Additional Tags: humans, sad origins, family, loss, rebirth
[Normal][Sad]
Author: Fickle
Description: After a thousand years of guilt and worry, can Celestia and her sister Luna finally find some peace? But with the ever looming prospect of a long delayed war, peace seems like the last thing in mind. Do all stories finish with a happily ever after?Sins of the Father Part 1
Sins of the Father Part 2
Sins of the Father Part 3
Sins of the Father Part 4 (New!)
Sins of the Father Part 5 (New!)
Sins of the Father Part 6 (New!)
Sins of the Father Part 7 (New!)
Additional Tags: Long, Punishment, War, Closure, Finale
62 comments:
wow..this story...makes me cry.. i don't like feeling sad....damn you all to pony hell DX
ReplyDeleteThat was horribly sad, in a good way. Damn. Mostly well-written, with a few errors here and there. There were some tense errors, like using "have" when it should have been "had." The writing itself also felt a bit disjointed at some parts. Still, overall I really liked this. Looking forwards to more stories from you, Fickle!
ReplyDelete"A world without such corruption"
ReplyDeleteLike murderers? In that case, they should have ended their own lives once done with their own world.
I'm sorry. Maybe I am bitter, but... I can't truly pitty them. Not after what they did. They certainly don't deserve a happy end in my book.
All this doesn't mean that I think the story is bad- my own feeling regarding the plot are not indicative of its quality.
That... was sad. I almost cried.
ReplyDeleteCute, but sad.
I try my best not to be biased towards Human-Including stories. But idea of Royal Sisters as a ultimate and final weapon of humanity was just to much to me to bear here. Do Not Want! T_T
ReplyDeleteSo, they are basicly AI in organic bodys. Robots. In every sence of the word.
ReplyDeleteKilling the most important persona of two sentient weapons of mass destruction in front of them...
ReplyDeleteFUCKING GENIUS
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI know, it's like some of these stories are written by people that are more interested in emoting than in any reality. Fickle, what are you waiting for? Hollywood awaits!
/snark
These tears won't stop flowing!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteSPOILERS AHEAD!
Maybe it was intentionaly. Maybe that "doctor" wanted to awake rage in sisters, to show everyone power of his creations.
Or maybe he even wanted them to destroy the world.
He will be dead, but his enemies too.
Poorly conceived and a typical Mewtwo-esque story. Not written well enough for me to see past the weak story and plot. Carried no emotional weight since it was far too short to actually feel a bond to the characters.
ReplyDeleteI shall shed no tears when I give this a two
@Anonymous
ReplyDelete>they should have ended their own lives once done with their own world.<
-Jump from that bridge over there, see if it does you any good ?
Some people have issues... or a bad way to say things, really.
Anyways, back to the story.
-Well, that was certainly something quite different ?
It was... interesting, in its own way.
Humans creating the ultimate Weapons for war and destruction, which ends up destroying them... then tired, the Weapons decide to create, to restart everything and to forget the old world... for nothing good can come from what once was great pain.
Not the best thing out there, but certainly an interesting take.
Thanks for reading it guys! And for those of you who DID enjoy it, thanks again.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
I assure you, Pokemon wasn't the inspiration for me. There was this one picture I saw on Ponychan and I got the idea.
Thanks for giving this a read, guys! And for those of you who DID enjoy it, thanks again.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
I assure you that my inspiration didn't come from Pokemon. I saw a picture on Ponychan and the story idea dawned on me.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteDo you take issue with me pointing out that it's hypocrisy to say to attempt to build a world without corruption when the two creators killed BILLIONS? Almost all of whom had no involvement in the fillie's personal tragedy? To me, a world without corruption would need their removal as well. Or should a crime of such magnitude (genocide) go unpunished?
As to your suggestion... Yes, some people have a bad way of saying things. THAT would be a prime example. Please enlighten me if that was meant as anything other than a personal attack?
Interesting...
ReplyDelete@Nova25
ReplyDeleteThey just committed genocide. Please explain to me how their world can be free of corruption if a crime of such magnitude goes unpunished?
Also, bemoaning how some people have "issues" and "a bad way of saying things" whilst telling them to jump off a bridge because you disagree with their opinions... is sort of ironic, no?
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteWell, they're not going to do it AGAIN and try and prevent something like that from happening. I didn't think I had to explain that.
@Fickle
ReplyDeleteYou don't. I did get that. It just didn't feel like enough to me; Enough... personal cost, if you will.
I was just struck by (what I'd call) the hypocrisy of creating and ruling a world free of "corruption" (I interpreted that to refer to things like murder), right after committing genocide on a planetary scale. Yes, they rule it to prevent a repeat of what they themselves did... Still; Somehow, it didn't feel right.
As a result, my initial post might have been more confrontational than what I usually write; Again, please do not think that I wanted to belittle the quality of your story.
I hope I could convey what troubled me.
I'll reiterate my previous thoughts from ponychan, since I feel they still haven't been addressed.
ReplyDeleteImagine a bright eyed toddler scrambling into her smiling mother's lap, eager to show off a crayon image she had lovingly drawn for Mother's Day.
Imagine a beagle wagging his tail as he eagerly awaits his master's return; a master who is just as eager to see him after a long day's work.
Imagine an elderly couple hand-in-hand, giving each other furtive smiles as they sit back and tell their grandchildren the story of how they first met.
Now imagine ALL OF THEM cowering in tear stricken terror, an instant before incineration by a merciless hellfire, wondering what on earth they had done to deserve it.
Genocide is no simple thing, and it is not an act I feel one could commit without an indelible splotch of darkness on their heart.
@Sagebrush
ReplyDeleteI've thought about that. I know what you mean about 'stains that don't come off'. Notice how the story says 'incomplete'. I'm not done with this story yet and I don't plan to let things go unpunished. Don't worry.
@Anonymous
I understand your point of view and I completely respect your opinion. Feel free to speak your mind!
@Sagebrush
ReplyDeleteYes I understand what you mean by the "stains that don't come off." But I'm not done with the story yet and I don't plan to let things go unpunished. Don't worry.
@Anonymous
I understand your point of view and I completely respect your opinion. Feel free to speak your mind!
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI understand your point of view and I completely respect your opinion. Feel free to speak your mind!
@Sagebrush
I know what you mean by "the stains that don't come off." But understand that I'm not done with this story yet. I'm not going to let things go unpunished. Don't worry.
What the heck just happened?
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wonder if Seth. should disable comments on some of those stories... to prevent avalanches of nonsensical and ''a bit on the fanatical side'' comments...
ReplyDeleteThen again... people have the right to say wrong and whatever they want, so... Go Internet ? Meh...
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteNah, I don't believe in censorship. I like the criticism, constructive and bad.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteNah, I don't believe in censorship. I enjoy the criticism, both constructive and not.
The Earth currently has a population of about 6.9 billion and a land area of about 150 million km^2. To kill off humanity within a year would take a sustained rate of about 4 square kilometers per second and/or 220 people per second. Then, only after finishing such a task do they talk about it and realize that it doesn't make them feel better? This story could use some more thought about scale and logistics, like the hour-long elevator ride, why the base would be in Antarctica where its constriction and maintenance would be hard to hide, and specifically what the point of the project was in the first place (for one part, wasn't Lente doing exactly what he was supposed to?).
ReplyDeleteInteresting concept, but it should hang together logically a lot better.
That was not freaking fair. I was not ready for that. No fair.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteMeaning...?
@Anonymous
Yes yes I do realize that most of this is far fetched and that saying that "its Magic" would be dumb. Even I thought my own ending was a bit swift and not thought through, but i was at a road block on what to write. Thanks for reading anyways!
@Fickle
ReplyDeleteMagic and far-fetched settings are fine. It's about magical talking ponies being made as weapons, after all. Once those things are in place, make sure that things proceed logically GIVEN THE SITUATION. So, for the examples I mentioned above:
Sisters magically killing off humanity - OK if you want to go for it; "rampaging" through the world like they did the facility, killing people with fire as they go - really conflicts with the portrayal that they did it in a passing fit of rage, since there are a LOT of people living in a LOT of places, the killing of whom would be a project of years or decades if the sisters went around killing people personally. Something more like - Sisters: "We hate you all!" -> All humans die suddenly -> Sisters discover what they did and become remorseful. - would fit the characterization better.
Long elevator ride to the underground base - fine; the ride lasting an HOUR, with the implication that the small elevator is the most convenient entrance - issues of scale. How deep is the base supposed to be? A mile? A normal express elevator could cover that in a few minutes, and this is a well-funded base that we know uses supertech. And a two-hour round trip in a small elevator must make meeting the supply needs of a "highly populated" research base rather tedious.
Hidden secret weapons program - they exist in real life; "hiding" it in Antarctica where there isn't a handy excuse for moving a lot of personnel, materiel, construction equipment, and excavated rock - implausible, but probably not distracting for most people. A remote domestic military base would probably be better, say in the southwest US or Siberia, depending on who's behind it.
Weapons program researching "magic" - fine; that program producing as its only visible product two super-powered magical ponies rather than incremental advances as things are discovered and refined - implausible, but it gets a pass from established treatments of super science; that program involving the repeated abuse of said magical ponies, the hiring of someone to keep them company, and the cancellation of the program when everything apparently was going exactly according to plan, including killing the only being the superweapons care about right in front of them - really distracting. One would think that the people in charge of the program would want little Captain Americas instead of Marikos (see Elfen Leid) and plan the sisters' psychological development accordingly. As it is, it's like Umbrella Corporation were running the program.
Try to consider what would reasonably follow from a given situation, and use dramatic tropes if needed to steer it towards the outcome you want. Conversely, consider what it would reasonably take to produce a given situation, and check if it makes sense.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteWow, thanks for all of that. I daresay you thought this story out more than I did factually. But I feel like I should justify myself. Well, when I was writing this story I was aiming for an emotional approach. A real heartpuller. It's rationality was my second priority and I should have thought that out more. But hey, that's how I wrote it, and I'm sticking to it. I didn't really think that people who would read it find so much of it out of place. Like, for example, the elevator ride. How was i supposed to know that would be an issue? Anyway, glad you read it, and thanks for your honest opinion. I love the criticism, so keep it coming!
@Fickle
ReplyDeleteAn emotional emphasis for the story is fine, and the logic backing events is usually not itself the focus of stories. Usually there's a lot of fudge room to steer things in ways useful to the reading experience, even if they don't fully make sense if thought about in detail. The problem comes when a logical flaw is obvious enough to be caught when the reader is not looking for it, causing a sudden loss of immersion and distraction in future reading. Even if you don't highlight it, you should have the background details of a story make sense so that doesn't happen. Ask yourself, "Why does X happen?" and try to have both an in-universe reasonable cause and a real-life story-progressing reason.
Regarding the elevator ride, you told readers how long it was taking, leaving them to put the numbers into context for what they know of elevator rides, so the implications of riding for an hour may come to mind. Alternately, you could have shown that it was a long ride into a very deep base. Lente could watch as the walls rise around him (never mind OSHA compliance; that can be fudged) slowly at first, quickly speeding into a blur as the elevator drops through a tunnel cut into bedrock. He could lean back and let his mind wander, giving opportunity for exposition and characterization. After enough of that to shift readers' attention away from the ride, Lente's train of thought could be jarred by a sudden emergence into the cavern, where he sees the base through a spiderweb of structural supports and ductwork, then more clearly as the elevator decelerates into the terminal.
I can't enjoy this story, because I can't side with genocidal maniacs. There is no excuse for killing billions of people that had nothing to do with their hardships. Those weren't just a statistic, those were billions of PEOPLE. I just can't sympathize OR empathize with the princesses in this story at all.
ReplyDeleteAnd then there was their little room, dedicated to the memory of only one person, the person that was important to THEM, because hey only what they care about matters right? So they murdered everyone AND they're so selfish they can't even be bothered to...okay I'm rambling. Point is, sisters = monsters, can't enjoy story, sorry.
I, personally, enjoyed the story because I wasn't over thinking it. That's just me though. It was an interesting take on how this all could have started.
ReplyDeleteBURN THE HERETIC, KILL THE ALIEN, PURGE THE MUTANT! IN HUMANITY'S NAME!
ReplyDeleteI had to suspend my disbelief really hard, but can't say I dislike it.
ReplyDeleteWant to see how you end up wrapping this up, Fickle.
Just cause your not going for "happily ever after" I hope you don't go for the depressing ending.
ReplyDeleteI really liked The Rage of Two Sisters. Well done.
ReplyDeleteit's ok. uhm, the first story had a bit of a, uh, melodramatic feel to it but in the end, it was what it was and it did what it did fairly well. the second, though ...
ReplyDeleteso the sisters are regretful for their actions, yet they still refer to humanity as scum and vermin and the like. they realize what they did was wrong and yet, without any prior exposure to Ivy and Xan, they judge them unworthy of life if only for a moment. so which is it? did they learn compassion and tolerance in that thousand + years (i'd like to remind the author that, unless Nightmare Moon popped out immediately at the end of the Human-Princess war, then more than a thousand years must have passed) or are they still hateful and feeling vengeance against humanity? sorry, but i find it hard to see Celestia talking about how sorry she was to have killed humanity and then turn around and insult and heap vile hatred on a few humans offering peace. and then wish she had wiped them all out.
and her vaunted Daddy was human. did she forget this? is she so convinced that one single human was the embodiment of all good the species had? i really, really, really want to like this. i think it has an amazing amount of potential. like seriously. but, uhm ... sorry ... i didn't mean to sound so mean. i'm sorry.
but i want to like it and it's just throwing me some hard balls. another thing, humanity would probably not forget gunpowder. even blackpowder is simple to make and almost infinitely better than trying to train an archer from birth. and if the dragons and gryphons hunt us, stories of the 'irritating ape-things' would surely leak out to Equestria after a thousand+ years. some holes that i can't leap over ... sorry, sorry.
I finished this story and rest will be coming out soon. Honestly though, this has been hanging over my shoulder like a dead goose and I just wanted to get this done. Thanks for reading, and as I said the rest is coming out soon. Love it, hate it, say what you want about it, say what you want, I encourage criticism! I don't care. I'm done with this story :). I can only hope that the ending makes everything better because thats the only part I actually looked forward to writing!
ReplyDeleteYeah, this Celestia just seems kind of...retarded to me. The whole thing reeks of that same misanthropic feel that that stupid conversion series had.
ReplyDeleteStill it's written well enough that I was interested the whole way through.
Luna and Celestia having..zombie dreams?? Weird. Otherwise, Awesome
ReplyDeleteSome spelling issues, but overall, interesting, quite interesting.
ReplyDeleteI especially like the ambivalent nature of Luna's confrontation with the humans. Shows quite well she's trying to justify their behaviour somehow, but it's clear it's not working at all.
I'm also curious what will come of the kings knowledge of his daughter's actions. That has yet to impact the story...
Story 1: Pretty damn good, and definitely worth a read. Not phenominal, but thoroughly enjoyable, and an interesting insight into the origins of the two alicorns.
ReplyDeleteStory 2: Now THIS is the absolute cencored! Seriously, if Sins Of The Father is going to turn out the way it appears, I have no doubt it's going to be the Portal 2 to your first story! The first felt a bit like a two-part One-Shot, and for that it did well. This story feels like a full-blown epic adventure, and sincerely hope it won't be over in just a handful of parts! Thoroughly fleshed out, cleverly written, great character development, and a perfect continuation of such a short, sweet story.
PLEASE, give this story a lot of time to flesh itself out!
And that's how Equestria was made!
ReplyDeleteI dont know if you ever thought of this putunk. We can manufactor genetic weapons. They are not Ai, or else they wouldnt have to learn. If they were robots, they could not die. If they were Ai, or Robots, why would death be waiting? Think man think. Humanity is very capable of mass destruction, if we get the right group of people working on something, we will make it. This is a future that could very well happen eventually. Who is to know.
ReplyDeletegood golly gosh story 2 was good, some spelling errors but still fantastic, and that ending, I ba'wwww for about 10 mins, straight
ReplyDeleteGood lord, what a sadbomb. I'm gonna be sad for days after this.
ReplyDeleteIt's really...too sad.
ReplyDeleteBut it's good.
its good but (SPOILERS) I think it would be awkward for all of her husbands, (or possibly some wives, idk) to all meet up like that.
ReplyDeleteDaddy is human.
ReplyDeleteAnd no one thought to remind the two idiots of that fact?
Naah, if they all loved her, and she loved them, they should understand (and do) that she has had previous lovers and families. But yes, 6000+ years is the most torturous hell anyone can ever live through. Watching everyone around you die, when you continue to live.
ReplyDeleteLots of stupid moments, lots of retarded shit, lots of 'why the hell would you write THAT' parts, lots of 'what the living hell?' ...
ReplyDeleteAnd this was one of the rare ones that still made my eyes brim at the end. Author, you need to work on some issues but you've got talent for the ending. Congrats.
Question: King Ober-whatev. At the height of our power, with nuclear weaponry, chemical and bio weapons and missiles that can pinpoint targets over-the-horizon, we lost. Ok. And now we've got dragon scale mail and swords and, what, we try again? Really? That's just silly and everyone should have stabbed the idiot in the back when he suggested it.
Again, the misanthropy of your writing put me off a tad. Humans are evil bastards because, what, we fight? So do chimps. So do wolves. So do deer, for that matter, though deer don't OFTEN kill each other. It still happens. The anti-human sentiment of this irks me (and it's not the only one, TCB and a few others I can't remember off the top of my head have the same problem). Maybe I'm reading into it something that was not intended. If so, I apologize.
Overall, there are some plot-issues that I had trouble with, most have been pointed out already. There were smoe characterization issues (the flip-flop of Celestia being one of them). There were some parts that maybe should have had some extra work stuck in there. But that ending was a very well done one. I liked how you realistically looked at Celestia's 'immortality' and came to a sane conclusion: immortality sucks balls. That second-to-last scene with Death was nice, though Hell? Really? But regardless, the entire ending made up for the hiccups (Side note: 'hiccup?' Really? Whatever happened to 'hiccough' damn it?! *oldrage*) along the way. Don't let some of the scathing reviews deter you from writing. You've got a solid base, maybe outline a tad more or something ... anyway, I've gushed enough. Very nice, you earned 4 stars from this guy, up from my 2.5 I wanted to give it before.
A good ending, and I still enjoyed it, but I can't help but feel it was a little too short and underdeveloped. You really could have done with extending it further.
ReplyDeleteStill, great storyline, and final chapter was drawn out to hell, and as sad as intended. Perfect final chapter, but the events of 4-6 really should have been drawn out over perhaps twice as many chapters.
Sorry, mate. A little too short to document an epic story of such great potential, but still deserves 3.5-4 stars.
Great story, I guess I'm just put off a little by the fact it could have been so much more.
Next time, PLEASE give more time for character development. I think you used a short story approach (and a good one at that, going by Rage of Two Sisters) and applied it to the plot of an epic edventure. Hope that helps next time.
Very sad. I cried at the end. Brony tears, man. Damn good story.
ReplyDeleteHeh. As the author, I feel like I should give an explanation!
ReplyDeleteI started this weeks, maybe even months ago. When I first started, of course I was looking forward to writing an epic tale and whatnot. But it kept getting pushed back and back. I eventually lost interest in writing it. I returned to a half finished story and felt obligated to finish it. I wasn't looking forward to writing anymore and I guess that lead to an underdeveloped story line and characters. The only thing I wanted to write was a sad ending and finish the story. I feel pretty bad myself for letting a good story go off in a bad direction. Even I feel like this wasn't my best. Thanks for reading the story and critiquing it! As for enjoying it or not, that's up to you. Maybe I'll do better next time.
Am charging you with the cost of a new pillow! Mine is now to damp to sleep on because of all my tears!
ReplyDeleteBut or a more serious note: thank you, i haven't cried like that since i read A Summer Twilight.
Thank you, Fickle. It was an awesome read. On the last chapter, chapter 7, every time i saw those bolded numbers come up my heart sank deeper and deeper. All that pain that Celly was going through! it just made me weep tears...
So thank you again, Fickle. <3
GOD STORY BRO TUMBS UP !!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteawesome. and sad. but still awesome.
ReplyDeleteI finally made the time to sit down and read the last 3 chapters in peace and quiet. I was very moved by the last 2.
ReplyDeleteI won't comment on too much but to say I really felt her pain as she had to deal with the passing of her loved ones. Good things comes to those who wait, glad she had the strength to bare it all through to the end.
Thank you for such a wonderful story.
~Cátsy
Overall I was disappointed with the story. You had a great concept, but it all seems wasted to me. Nothing was fleshed out, and it felt rather melodramatic.
ReplyDeleteNow, I DID enjoy the last chapter. Even thought it skipped around, it had better pacing and detail than all of the previous chapters. It's a shame the entire fic wasn't written like the last chapter, otherwise I'd probably like it.