Description: Twilight teaches Trixie a lesson about the history of
Twixie! I am happy once more!
Ooh... And first! Unexpected.
Oh dear...I'm gunna have to read this one too.Freakin' Twixie's more common than DashiePie now. D:
Hmm, it wasn't bad, and first-person is inherently difficult. There was no real shipping, which is merciful. Alot of the writing didn't seem to have impact, and I can't see Twilight pulling a stunt/trick like she did in this to be honest. A bit more description could've rounded Trixie out better.
Oh come now, this seemed almost like a prologue of sorts. Can't expect complete Character developments. It shows potential, cant wait to read more.
noticeable lack of "complete" or "incomplete" tags, so I have no idea. Is this a Part 1, or a self-contained story?
This just in: fanfic author indulges coltcuddler, fillyfooler, and whoopie wiccan fetishes with ponies. In other news, sun rises in east, and sky forecast to be blue today :P
Just finished reading your story, it was..... cute..
@ErimooTagged as short. Ergo this story is likely a standalone - I reviewed it as such.
Thank you all for reading!Currently this is the only scene I had planned to write, and it's intended to stand alone. As such, CoffeeGrunt, your criticism is entirely fair.I might write more of this story if I get the inspiration to do so. However, I found that writing first-person from Twilight's perspective was difficult, and dealing with Trixie's dialogue patterns was equally taxing.CoffeeGrunt, when you say the writing doesn't have an impact, could you elaborate? I'd like to improve in that area if I could.
In all honesty while I admire the effort, if you find writing something difficult, then you're not going to enjoy it. And if you don't enjoy writing it, readers won't enjoy reading it.I think the problems are mainly due to Twilight's first person. There's not much emotional elaboration or description going on. Scenes like the fog with the ghosts were well done, but others felt fairly...empty.There's good writing there, and I'm sure if you settle with something more in your comfort, you'll do great.
@CoffeeGruntAnd that's why I'm writing more Celestia stories, so... fair enough!
@RealityCheck: don't you mean grass grows, birds fly, suns shine, and scout hurts people?
Not intending any insults, but what's so great about the Twixie ship (in general). Why is it so popular?
Twilight and Trixie are polar opposites that would hate each other under normal circumstances, so it's a fun exercise to pair them. They're also both magicians so it opens up competitive love, or love-hate, whateer you wanna call it.
Also I just looked through your backlog Abalidoth, I saw your other story was a six-star, so my review was probably like telling you how to suck eggs. :SSorry, but this kinda seems like "my other ride is a ferrari" now. As far as a writing experiment this fic is good, but idk if you'll want to continue on this way. At the least I'd stick to the 3rd pony.
@poopnate Twixie makes a great ship because they both need to overcome their differences (which are few, but polarizing) in order to get together. So it's really, really cute when they do.
@poopnateBlue and purple coordinate well. :P
@CoffeeGruntOn the contrary, I appreciated your review. Polite but honest criticism is a rare treasure.
@everyone who responded to meI guess I see your points... I just hate Trixie for my own reasons, so I just can't get into a Trixie ship. :P I much prefer Luna, but I won't hate on Trixie fans. xD
As someone that practices in the mystic and arcane this is a excellent story full of subtle beauty. Yes, it needs a bit of polishing, but the ideas and concepts presented in this story are heartfelt and lovely.
@AbalidothI know exactly what you mean, I'm lucky in that a couple of people volunteered to pre-read my fics for me. Still not exactly at Star-6 level, but I'd like to think I'll get there one day.If you ever want a pre-reader for future fics, I'd be happy to help.
The story pace feels inconsistent, like a chain of events than a story. I wish we could know more about what is going on in Twilight's head, than what she thinks. What does she see? feel? etc.Even thought it is technically first person, it reads more like a third person fic.