• Story: Off The Edge Of The Map (Update Complete!)

    [Adventure][Light Shipping] "It's fics like these that should remind everypony that relationship
    building doesn't mean Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy end up head to haunches.
    "-Pre-reader # (I have the weirdest pre-readers ever...)

    Author: Daetrin
    Description: When Rainbow Dash's newest trick backfires spectacularly, she and Fluttershy find themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere. Together, they'll have to survive and find their way back to Equestria and Ponyville...no matter how far the journey.
    Off The Edge Of The Map Part 1
    Off The Edge Of The Map Part 2
    Off The Edge Of The Map Part 3 (New!)

    Additional Tags: Lost, Long, Island, Sirrush, FlutterDash

    "Flutterdash is now my OTP, so cute! Just read it!" -Sethisto


    1. ... I couldn't help but draw some similarities to Epiphany (my own Flutter-Dash story), but yours is a lot lighter on shipping, and a LOT more focused on the adventure, considering well over a week seems to go by in this single, huge chapter.

      That said, I do have ONE complaint I should have leveled earlier; it's really unclear that they even moved with the storm, and how they got to the ocean is... odd. Just 1-2 sentences about their traveling would be... great.

      I really want to see more, but gosh this must have taken a long time to write...

    2. I'm highly enjoying this story so far! Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are in character the and new places you've created are detailed and interesting.

    3. I really enjoyed this. Dash and Fluttershy are both in character, and the light shipping is cute. Hope to see more soon!

    4. You have this listed as "Pre-reader #," i.e., the number is not listed.

    5. Im sorry but why is one of the tags long island? Is the author from there?

    6. @Anonymous

      It's not.

      It's tagged long and island.

    7. Loving where this is going. I wonder who did inhabit the island though. I was waiting for undead to come out and stalk them through the night or something. Very well written, looking forward to more :)

    8. Fluttershy can speak whale? Awesome. Dragons live amongst the Artic Circle huh? I have a feeling the stare will be in use once again.

    9. Oh, excellent. The slow pace is a very welcome change. I have enjoyed the first chapter greatly, and I am sure I will enjoy the rest of the story just as much. I can sorta see where NinesTempest is coming from, but I have no complaints yet. I'm sure there will be an explanation later on.

      Indeed, the character building of and between Rainbow and Fluttershy is done very well too. I'm glad I have another fic I can wait for new chapters for.

    10. Genuinelly amazed at the reading. Tempest's complaint of the storm's movement being hazy was initially jarring. But by about 1/3rd in I was hooked. Loving the sense of isolation and loneliness for these two ponies, genuinelly wishing to see this journey take them back home, however indirectly it may feel.

      I will definitely be watching out for more on this.

    11. This is brilliant. Please continue.

    12. @7heSama

      It was #23 last time I was quoted.

      Is it weird that Sethisto using a quote from me feels like Phoe making a comment on a NATG I've done?

      And yes. You're other prereaders are extremely strange. Those ponies are CRAZY!

      Back to my cage now.

      Anyway, I kinda like the confusion of just BEING out at sea. It's immersive in my mind.

    13. Oh my goodness. This is amazing. I'm smelling a 6-star.

    14. I'm digging this and can't wait to see more of it.

    15. @Mistytail

      yeah. 39 review and still 5.0? Yeah, straight to 6stars, IMO.

      I just hope that quote holds true...

    16. I was halfway done writing a fanfic revolving around this exact idea.

      ... Son of a bitch.

    17. Awesome read, you captured the characters very well. I couldn't help but giggle out loud at stern Fluttershy, the writing made it so easy to picture the scene in my head.

      I'm not one for shipping, but this(so far) doesn't even seem like it should be tagged as such. So far they're just deepening their friendship by supporting one another while alone. If that's what [light shipping] is then I want more, because this story really gives me that 'friendship is magic' feel. :)

      Unless you plan to take it further. I personally hope it stays as light as it is, but I will keep reading regardless, it's just that good!

    18. The transition from flying over the sea to being on the island seems a little abrupt and unclear, but other than that, it's looking pretty good!

      Is the Island Spirit a G1 thing or something? It seems like it, for some reason.

    19. AMAZING!
      I loved it!

    20. This story was awesome and I can't wait to read more!

    21. Yikes, comments. I'll try and address 'em...

      @The beginning. The storm's structure wasn't meant to be confusing, so I suppose I simply overreached my capabilities there. The transition to the ocean was, however, meant to be abrupt and without immediate explanation. It needed to blindside them. Any explanation that would be forthcoming would be Twilight's role...

      @The Island: That's where the sirrush tag comes from. I'm blatantly stealing various mythos, and the sirrush is the babylonian incarnation of a dragon. He just happened to be a genius loci.

      @The Shipping: I don't have anything particular in mind. It goes where it goes, I'm letting the character interactions drive it. I won't shy away from some kind of romantic consummation, but I'm also not counting on anything of that sort happening.

      @At the person writing a similar fic: And here I was hoping you wouldn't notice! :D

      @Whales: Seriously, all I could think of while writing that was Finding Nemo...

      @In general: I was kind of wary of using fantasy elements with no canon framework

      @nemryn: I swapped to Fluttershy's POV and ran it backwards as a hazy memory to imply that it was a long, hard slog by RD, without having to actually write what would actually be kind of boring to read.

    22. So let me get this right...............

      Fluttershy and Dash met "The Lonely Island" and now

      their "ON A BOAT" And were told to "Never Forget"

      Well played sir well played

    23. Interesting story. Well written. Definitely looking forward to more.

      One thing I need to say: Your paragraph formatting is wrong. You need to start a new paragraph every time someone new speaks. You NEVER have two separate characters' lines in one paragraph. As far as I can see, that's all you need to correct.

      Keep up the good work! :)

    24. Woah, that's some impressive adventure writing in there, can't wait to see where you're going with it all.

      Most of all, however, I like how very in-character both Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash feel, and how their interaction flows naturally.

      It seems that just as Half A Day Is Night is finished, I find another adventure fic to get addicted to! I am eagerly anticipating your next chapter.

    25. Story is good... but I keep staring at the picture above wondering what the hay is wrong with poor Fluttershy's hind legs... they're bending all humanish and look broken. :( Poor Fluttershy!!!

    26. @northerntoe

      I actually have no idea what you're referring to. If I accidentally made a reference to something...wow, that's some coincidence.

      @Crimson Valor

      I know, I am being a bad writer >.< I just don't like the look of so many orphaned snippets of dialogue. I suppose I should go fix that before releasing things into the wild, along with some of my other internal formatting quirks.

    27. @Daetrin
      But do keep formatting special dialogue as you did for the spirit. That was awesome and made that scene much more vivid.
      It's my favorite part of that chapter.

    28. @DaetrinNortherntoe just summarized part of your fic' with lyrics from Lonely Island's "I'm on a Boat". You can't tell me you've never heard of it...

    29. @Anonymous

      Just YouTubed it.

      ...yep, that was completely unintentional. I'd never heard the song before, and I wasn't aware of who had performed it.

    30. What a nice story !
      I love "shipwrecking" storys and "finding your way home"-storys a lot. (even if they're kind of rare).

      I also like how Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash aren't blushing all the time or are in love with each other from the beginning.
      I love to see relationships grow, and it's really sweet how they care for each other in this dire situation.

      I will be happy to read the rest as soon as they're released !

    31. Oh lovely story, do go on!

    32. @Daetrin
      That's hilarious.

      Regardless, I also didn't level how much I liked this fiction in my first post, so I should say it now; I really like it, gave it a 5/5 and wish to see more!

    33. Excellent fic definitely deserves 5/5.

    34. Supership Powers, ACTIVATE!

      Form of... SUBMARINE!

      I like-a the very much. I can't wait to get the next chapter, and see how Flutters reacts to the dragons. ^.^

    35. @Delta Pangaea

      To be honest, I was thinking of the ship from Flight of the Navigator for the whole thing.

      @Various people above: I am working on Part 2, but it'll probably be a while (week or weeks) since I expect it'll be about as long as Part 1. Part 2 is called Hc Svnt Dracones, obviously.

    36. This was amazing, and the Lonely Island references only become more amusing when accidently.

      Flutters talking down a god is totally epic and lovable and adorable. Well written sir, 6 stars!

    37. It was an interesting read, and somehow the story seems to just suck you right in.

      Daetrin if you are reading this. One paragraph: one character speaking.

      When more than one character speaks in a paragraph...it's bad...I mean REALLY bad.

    38. @DJ Kat

      I don't think either of them fully understand the implications of being able to command a ship to do whatever you want or even how far its capabilities actually extend.

    39. I support flutterdash.

    40. I'm really enjoying this, and apart from the paragraph issue Crimson Valor pointed out I'm not seeing any major mistakes, and the story is so compelling I'm not even noticing if there are minor ones.

      Saying that you're letting the story go where it will does make me a little nervous that it won't get finished, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that for now. Keep up the good work!

    41. On a scale of Gilda to Fluttershy, this is definitely Rainbow Dash.

    42. Awesome, I'm really digging this story.
      Leave it to Dash to blast them to the otherside of the world. Un-intentional refs aside, I liked the Lonely Island and the Memory ships(I also enjoyed Flight of the Navigator.)
      Looking forward to the Land of Dragons and whatever else you throw at us.

    43. @DJ Kat

      I can answer this one actually. The ships are magic, but not omniscient. If they had asked that, it would have metaphorically shrugged and waited for them to say something that made sense. They can get from point A to point B if they know where point B is...no matter what. Anything outside of doing that really well is beyond the scope of what they fundamentally are. However, elaborating on that is far outside the scope of the actual story; this is what commentary is for!

      @chiefnewo: I have the adventure trajectory gauged pretty well (there's two bits I'm not sure how to work yet in the overall arc), it's just the shipping aspect that I'm leaving up to however things go.

    44. Awesome story,I devoured it in half an hour and I think that it would be epicawesome if the creators of the show made such an episode!

    45. @DaetrinI enjoyed this quite a bit. I thought they had landed on Easter Island for a moment, and kept expecting to see some statues around.

      It felt like it ended abruptly. I realize now you're making the Land of Dragons part 2. A To be continued, or *** or something would have helped. The copy I was reading was in read-only mode, so I don't know if these were edited in later.

    46. In addition to what Crimson Valor said about paragraphs, you need to be a bit more careful with your viewpoint character. You're jumping around a lot without warning. You seem to prefer Dash's POV, but then you periodically switch to Fluttershy's thoughts for like one paragraph. It usually makes for a smoother, more engaging story if you stick to one or the other for the duration of an entire scene and limit the other character's reactions to what the viewpoint character can percieve.
      For example, when Dash is thinking about flight school, I'd like to get a bit more absorbed in her thoughts about their situation. Then, when they have their laugh, you can make a section break and pick up with Fluttershy's viewpoint. Then you can put in how laughing made her feel better without breaking up the flow of the story -- as long as you then stick to Fluttershy until the next "cut".

      I find that technique helps me stay "in the character's shoes", so to speak, especially for characters like Dash, Rarity, or Fluttershy, who frequently don't speak their mind.

    47. Yeah, I would absolutely not be surprised if the ship complied when you asked it to take you to the moon!

      Don't worry at all about using critters from various mythologies -- it's all good. :) I don't think I'd have described a sirrush as having a griffon's hind legs, though, since that kinda sounds like the Simpsons version of an esquilax: "A horse with the head of a rabbit... and the body... of a rabbit!"

      I'd figured the ships could only go to places they have coordinates for -- that's why it went submarine. It didn't just go to any old point in the land of dragons, it went to the submerged dock in that region that was presumably built by the same folks.

      I really like this kind of shipping, when it emerges naturally in the course of an unrelated story. So yay!

    48. @LordOfTheWrongs

      I was actually surprised nobody else mentioned that. Normally when writing I do use a single viewpoint character, but for this story I had to swap viewpoints so certain scenes would actually work. I assure you the POV changes aren't random at least >.>

      That said, I'll try to space out the POV swaps as much as feasible in Part 2.

    49. @Anonymous

      Oh, right. The reason I used 'gryphon' rather than the original lion is that we haven't seen peak predators in MLP at all other than gryphons. I don't know if lions actually exist (which I suppose is silly since I introduced whales, but...predator thing. Fish apparently don't count so.)

    50. @Daetrin
      Well, there's nothing wrong with backing up a few seconds when you switch POVs if you want to provide both sides of a particular exchange, and it's not necessarily critical to interject another character's thoughts at the moment they think it. You could hang on to that exposition for a few paragraphs -- or just let them say it, or express it in a nonverbal way. You can trust the reader to figure out how they feel without spelling it out.

      By the way, lions must exist in Equestria -- Dash described Gilda as "half eagle, half lion". (And all awesome!)

    51. The mushussu/sirrush was *really* hard to visualise. I don't know if you simply described it badly or if it was too confusing or what... but I had no idea what to imagine it looking like. Maybe actually defining the creature as a mushussu/sirrush would have been good, since that way readers like me could look it up.

    52. I love this story! Nice, interesting expanded universe, and what little shipping there is feels completely in-character. Are we getting more of it? :)

    53. Confound stories like these, they drive me to insomnia!

      Awesome read and like the pre-reader said, it is nice to see ponies developing a relationship without diving into the physical aspect of it right away. That said, I do not mind a little shipping and if the story should take it there, then I approve, as long as it makes sense. And any projected release date for part 2? Or is it just whenever you get the time?

    54. Part 2 is about 75% done. I'm hoping to be done with it by the end of the weekend, but I'm also moving so it might be delayed more than I'd like.

    55. I greatly look forward to the next part. I reread this last night and I love how both ponies are getting closer. Especially how much more respect Rainbow is gaining for Fluttershy. You presented it so well that Fluttershy has faith in Rainbow, but Rainbow has doubts. Rainbow Dash is cool and very capable, but is beginning to see that Fluttershy can be just as capable.

      My favorite part is where Fluttershy talks down that spirit. A spirit that was basically a god on that island, and the best line ever: And the god flinched.

      Yeah Fluttershy did that! Eagerly look forward to part 2.

      On a side note. I did notice the multiple dialogues in the same paragraphs. It didn't throw me off too bad, but I did have to reread a few paragraphs. Nothing horrible but there you go.

      5 stars (would gladly give more)

    56. I want part 2! :D
      I loved it! Everypony was in character and the story was just phenomenal. As patroison said, Dash gains lots of respect for Fluttershy and they do grow a lot closer. I would give it a million stars, but I have to only give it 5.

    57. Need moar! I loved this story, and need to see it through to completion! 6 Stars! 7 even!

    58. Why on Earth or Equestria does this not have 6 stars? This first chapter alone clearly deserves it. Hope the next chapter isn't delayed too much - my weekend's been over for about half an hour and I'm still not seeing it!

    59. My brain is bouncing around inside my skull giddy at reading the next part of this story. Please hurry up before I get drain bramage asdklad;afl.

      Okay, but seriously, this is probably my favorite adventure fic I've read yet. Sure it has my two favorite characters, but I also really like the slower pace that this has compared to most adventures as it allows for better exposition. I also really like how the character interactions feel natural.

      Please continue. Soon. :)

    60. Part 2 please zomg

      I finally had time to read this today, its awesome.

    61. @Sethisto
      Holy crap Seth posted.

      Part two is FINISHED but awaits critique and editing from my own stable of pre-reader peoples.

      (Since you're vaguely on this thread Seth, is there any special tag for an update or do I just put part 2 in the complete/incomplete section?)

    62. Also I apologize for the delay, but I've been spending seven or eight hours a day moving to my new house.

    63. @DaetrinNo need to apologize. I can't wait for it to be posted!

    64. Man, this story is really awesome! I love adventure stuff like this; it's even better with subtle shipping. :3 I can't wait to see where their journey takes them.

    65. YES! Part 2 finally up! I WAS gonna go to bed since it's 1 am, but that aint happening now.

    66. I CAN'T SLEEP YET!

      Anyways it's too humid for me to do so. This part being posted brings some comfort to this sticky situation. D:

      I will read this now. Probably twice like I did for the first part.

    67. I was thinking for a while that I'd like to see what the rest of the cast is doing, but I think it's a lot more effective having just FS and Dash. It really pounds home the isolation when the reader doesn't have the opportunity to see the scene shifted to more palatable circumstances.

      I think you've really captured that sense of both adventure and sorrow at being lost, away from home. Fleshed out the world quite a bit as well. Really nice fic.

    68. I almost don't want it to end with Part 3, yet I'd be devastated if something this amazing was left unfinished.

    69. @Daetrin
      Hey, we spoke on the story chat last night, I was anon 40. Anyway, I just finished reading it and wanted to reiterate I feel your doing an excellent job.

    70. YES. Finally part 2! Off to read.

    71. Wow, I had passed on reading this the first time through, but it was pretty much excellent. Looking forward to more!

    72. The story continues to be quite good, though I thought that Scar's plot sort of appeared out of nowhere and was gone just as quickly.

    73. I read every one of Scar's lines in the voice of Scar from the Lion King. I'd curse those childhood influences, but it actually worked for his personality.

    74. @Anonymous

      That was something I struggled with, but ultimately I decided that this was about RD and Fluttershy rather than draconic politics. I didn't want to take the camera off them too much so I left what went on mostly implicit.

    75. Very fun read to continue on from part 1. Slightly surprised they're coming up on Equestria so reliably within part 2 but I am not begrudging or criticising it for that. It's a well constructed story thats great fun to read.

      My 5 stars, take them.

    76. Kimba the White LionJuly 22, 2011 at 10:38 AM

      For some reason, I don't feel as drawn in as I think I should feel. Call me crazy, but the problem is that there is not enough writing. I don't think I've ever read a story and said that before. The story has gone on for over two weeks already, approaching the third week, but it doesn't feel like that amount of time as passed. Dare I say it only feels long to me because the slow progression is boring to me.

      The further I go into this review, the harsher I'm sounding; don't take it that way. I feel this is the kind of story that would flourish from a Lord of the Rings-ish style (describe every little detail about each leaf as it blows in the wind to how the wind smells to each crunch in the forest, etc...). If you describe how Fluttershy can only listen to the repetitive swirlings of the river as she is taking care of Dash, it would feel as if the time dragged out more.

      I am not a writer, my words would not hold water if my life depended on it, but I feel the progression of the story has been boring. Interesting, but boring. By immersing the reader even more in the land, I think the story can get to feel epic (whereas I'm not feeling that right now).

      Great story, keep at it.

    77. Spoilers

      Ah, great to see a second chapter. I was pretty sure we'd only get one ore two more chapters, so I wasn't surprised to read the next one would wrap things up.

      Scar's... plan seems a bit odd. He wanted to use the ponies as a distraction, fine. But... he waits for them? Why? How did he know they were going to go through that pipe? Seems a bit of a gamble. More then a bit, actually. It would have made more sense for him to just leave them and go into the castle. I suppose he might have been watching them, seeing them enter the pipe. Then it would make also more sense for him to wait for them.

      Also, Dash's infection... When they were bathing in Scar's cave/house I was relieved that she was cleaning her wound. I guess she either didn't or it was to late?

      Either way, did really enjoy this chapter. At the pace you are going I am not quite sure if the story will warrant a shipping tag at the end, but I'm fine either way. They're are definitely bonding, how could they not be, and at the end their relationship will be the stronger for it. Whatever that relationship entails.

    78. RAINBOW DASH has a snakebite.

      Press RETURN to size up the situation.

    79. @Kimba the White Lion

      Boring but interesting, huh? Actually I do know what you're getting at; you're not the first person to tell me I need to slow down. What seems a rather languid pace when you're writing things doesn't always come across that way to other readers, and this is the first time in a while I've put out a chunk of text, let alone gotten feedback on it. It's really hard to find people willing to give you more than a "neat" or "meh."

      If I were to do this over again, I'd probably push the cave scene to the first part, the Draconia journey to the third part, and spend the whole second part here on dragon interactions. But this is a heck of a lot of text and it does take a while to write, so I have to make some choices as to what to do.

      That said P3 is going have less 'happen' but linger more on what's going on, so consider your criticisms already taken and applied :)


      Well, a lot of what went on with Scar is only hinted at. He didn't just use them as distraction, he used them as political capital to demonstrate that the reasons for draconic isolation (pride of race) were invalid, as part of his coup effort. That also ties back into the sirrush diaspora from P1, as why do you think they left?

      Insofar as him finding them where they exited the pipe goes; he found them where they exited the cave system, which seems equally as suspicious don't you think?

      And with shipping - the way things stand now, I think the very very end of P3 will make the tag inclusion relevent, but right now it's more like...pre-shipping.

      Take the wrong trail, lose four days.

    80. I am so delighted with this story being continued, and I'm kind of sad to see it close to coming to an end. I was hoping for ten-ish chapter or so. But I do understand and see how it's a lot of work to come up with it all.

      I share the "boring but interesting" feeling Kimba brought up, but I kind of find it new, refreshing, peaceful, like a lullaby in prose. I love it so much! First because it feels realistic - it's a transportation mishap (not Twilight's fault, surprisingly enough) - but it made the characters end up truly lost in the middle of truly nowhere. They don't get their bearings immediately, but roam based on flimsy hints, and use some spur-of-the-moment strategy that is actually pretty logical when they have to guess. I could actually picture myself going through similar experiences if I was a pegasus (except for kicking dragons' flanks, of course).

      I wish the sea creatures were a bit further explored. I wish the ruins at the island and at the dock were a bit further explored. I wish the dragon politics were a bit further explored, even if through cheap exposition from Scar. But I'm totally in peace with the fact that it all wasn't. I also wish Fluttershy's feelings and self-doubts (while she was treating Dash) were further explored, and I really hope we get to see that revisited later, but I'm ok if it doesn't happen.

      This fic feels like a cup of a nice, bland, relaxing tea back at home after a day full of caffeine (other fics). Your work, sir, I love it.

    81. I think I understand Kimba's feeling -- compared to the first part, this one seemed to zoom past a lot of the "just getting along" stuff that made the first chapter so much fun. Dragon kings and genii loci are all very well and good, but it really hits home when their biggest worries are so very basic.

    82. Definitely digging this story. The characterization of both FS and RD feels natural and on cue. Despite their obvious differences, together, they become adept at just trying to survive.

      The original premise of the story is what got hooked me. I've always been a sucker for abandoned-on-an-island survival settings.

      Curious to see how this will end.

    83. I enjoyed this fan fiction alot. even though i just finished part 1, its amazing so far

    84. I am just now starting to delve into the world of Ponies fan fiction, but this is by far the best I've read so far. Your ability to paint a setting before our eyes is incredible, which struck me hardest when FS and RD were observing Aurora Borealis from the ship. And speaking of ships, I am usually not a fan of shipping in general, but the subtle little hints and jabs of shipping in this story are absolutely adorable, and perfect. The only slight and probably insignificant qualm I have about it is that I think RD would probably be more annoyed with Fluttershy at certain intervals near the beginning (based on prior interactions in the show), but come closer together as the story progresses. Other than that, though, an amazing read overall - a compelling adventure, a great atmosphere and an adorable character relationship. I am only disappointed that it will eventually end! An indisputed 5 stars from me . :)

    85. wonderful. absolutely riveting =3

      the characterizations are strong, coherent, and amicable. golly, i sure wish i could write like this, as comprehensively as this and still keep it reasonably short.

      you, my little pony, have my sincerest adoration <3

      and though, i did not comment on the first part, let me stand now and say it, too, was phenomenal.

      astounding creativity mixed with such a delightfully dark sense of dread, i could sense a little bit of Lovecraft.

      love you, love this, cannot wait for your next and conclusive installment <3

    86. Rereading chapter 1 I'm assuming the dragon they catch a glimpse of at the end is Scar, that would explain why seemed to be waiting for something at the exit, because he saw something was arriving.

      I'm enjoying this story because it focuses more on the character interactions, how they react to their locations and how their friedship develops, instead of focusing on action and drama like a few other fics (though i enjoy that approach as well :D ) Anyways, I eargerly await the next chapter!

    87. I am deeply pleased and honored by someone of such literature abilities to bless everypony with a chapter-based story as such.
      I'm also appreciative that you included shipping in a sense of friendship, rather than sexuality.
      So far, it took me a long time to read this carefully to truly enjoy this (It took me about 6 hours to read both chapters, and I went back for more).

      Any predicted date on when chapters 3 + will be posted? I'm anxious to see how, or if they make it back.

      (long episodes of praising's are long!)

    88. >In the middle of re-reading thirteen chapters worth of Past Sins, plus three new ones
      >Off The Edge p3 gets posted
      >Forget Nyx

    89. And thus theory is proven fact.

    90. Oh my, part 3 looks long and intimidating.
      *grabs a soda* Lets do this

    91. @TricaneI want to re-read it all, but damnit man. Its so long! Tell me my friend, is it worth it?

    92. Ok, since i'm a geek and i like to synch music up with a good fic, 4 in the morning by Gwen Stefani fits perfectly with this ^_^ it brings a whole nother level of cute

    93. eh what the hell, I wasn't planning on going to sleep tonight anyway... or anything...

    94. I'm going to come out and say it. Working with Daetrin is always an absolute pleasure, and this was no exception. The man excels at his craft, and I can only hope to be both as skilled in writing and as well-versed in literature as him one day.

      Shut up and take my love. This fic' deserves every 5-star rating it gets, and not because of me.

    95. Very, very end was slightly awkward, but everything else was...well, this very nearly the perfect adventure pair story.

      The characters played off each other brilliantly, there was legitimate danger and growth. You even snuck in a bit of role reversal in the end with Fluttershy being injured and coaching Rainbow through field medicine (probably my favorite part on the whole). Also, props on the more surreal/fantastic elements with the ghost town.

      Brilliant story.

    96. i was wondering does update complete means that a fanfic is fully finished or just saying that it has another part of the story coming on, just wondering since this was a good read :3

    97. I give Daetrin all three of my thumbs up for this =3

    98. I've got nothing but praise for this story. Cantrot was genuinely creepy, and I loved that Dash ended up having to tend to Fluttershy's wounds; it was an interesting reversal.

      The return to Ponyville was handled well, too. It was not overly sappy, but still very joyous. Fluttershy and Dash's words at the very end were wonderfully sweet, and perfectly capped the "shipping" nature of the story. I'd love to see more ship fics like this, that actually focus on the building and strengthening of the actual relationship.


    99. Typing as reading:

      That is some proper nightmare fuel in the early portions of the Chapter. I started worrying about where they were in the actual world suddenly if not known Equestria. Trapped until starvation within an apparation...that's crazy imaginative and utterly insane. I applaud it.

      Fluttershy and Dash holding onto one another in the tornado is both dramatic and utterly d'aaww inducing. Separation just after it was very worrying, they're so close!

      Then injury! Not when they're this close to home you can taste it! This chapter is really ramping up to struggle to be home.

      Broken wing. This is heartbreaking. Oh Fluttershy...I'm glad you didn't go into too much hurtful detail here, a brief moment of discomfort, passing out and then the fixing was enough to stay within the "boundries" you've set yourself here in the story.

      Back in Ponyville, there is so much d'aaww here I don't think I can actually sum it up.

      A wonderful three part story, far longer than it seems and telling of a rather incredible journey. From isolation to out of their depth to dramatic desperation near the end. Three distinct feelings in the chapters.

      There may be some elements that I'd want to point out as critique, but if I'm honest, the story grabbed me to not notice that much.

      Utterly loved it.

      I might go so far as to make a call for STAR-6.

      Anyone with me on this?

    100. By the way - Going to be an epilogue?

    101. @InFamous Spartan

      I think when the author states in-fic that the story will be concluded in the next chapter in the prior chapter then it is probably finished.

      Feels finished at any rate.

    102. I am sad that I have only 5 stars to give. Excellent story!

    103. I think the best way to state how I feel is just by saying this fic is pure and amazing win! It has done everything so well. The adventure and hardships encountered by the party and the deepening of the relationships of Dash and Fluttershy are wonderfully built and depicted. The ending is perfect.

      With that being said, I hope you do not make this a one shot. Or for that matter, stop writing. You are truly an excellent author. I am looking forward to the day another fic with your name on it pops up. Or for that matter, an actual book in a book store (I know it won't be about ponies but I am sure it would be epic all the same).

    104. Incredible story. Well shown and explained worlds, mysteries, and customs. Days pass without feeling skimmed over and injuries are healed without feeling rushed. Every moment that was close and touching was as slow as it should have been, and every day of travel was as fast as they should have been. Never have I seen a fic dance around pacing so well without being bogged down; I'd say even Dangerous Business didn't nail the pacing in very early chapters. But you definitely did.

      Lightest shipping ever. If it can even be called that. That's seriously just a ridiculous closeness that can only be achieved from experiencing such panic, near-death, and otherwise exciting experiences together, but it doesn't have to be love at all.

    105. For want of a better description, this fic is incredibly clever. It does the rare thing of hinting at events and places beyond what is described without explaining everything, implying the existence of a whole world outside the story.

    106. @Daetrin
      Yaay~ so hapy this got posted. who needs sleep, I have ponies!

      Now, I could shower my praises of this story until I filled enough pages for another book. By now, author, you know you did great. I love every word of this story (seriously, the Cantrot "ark" was brilliantly imaginative).

      But I have one gripe that has left me with an underwhelmed feeling. I hate to say it, but it almost soured the story for me.

      When they finally get back to Ponyville, their reception is just so... mundane? no, something else. Just underwhelming. This was it! their big return! After a month of amazing travels that define a lifetime, their friends seem so... casual about it! I mean, AJ just saunters in with hardly a little show of affection, pinkie killed the charge mood at their arrival with her bubblyness, and Rarity barely spoke. I was expecting them to, idk, walk into town square, onlookers watching stunned, suddenly one of the Mane 6 spots them, and disbelievingly charges them, tears and whatnot abound, and we can then cut to the hospital bedside reunion.

      Really, this was as a whole, mind blowing. But damn if the final build-up, the crescendo to the emotional moment of reunion, seemed so rushed and covered in such brevity, that it lost the charge.

      just some critique, but for how well you write I want whatever else you produce to get even better.

      Go write a damn book already so I can actually give you money for this service!

    107. Very well written story overall! Great action, intrigue, everything. Light shipping is best shipping. I agree with those who said it doesn't even feel like shipping, more of a comrade in arms type feeling than anything. Totally got a Frodo and Sam vibe, especially towards the end. Well done, deserves more stars than I can give.

    108. @NinesTempest
      I made a similar comment earlier when only chapter 1 was up, light shipping is light.

      Still, as wary as I am about shipping, I can't help but feel that the memories and time shared on this adventure will keep them very close indeed in the days to come. As it should be.

      Wonderful. All my stars.

    109. That was awesome. I love this fic, and I dont even like this combo usually.

    110. And its over.........

      Beautiful ending... I look forward to more fics by the same author

    111. Kimba the White LionAugust 8, 2011 at 12:51 AM


      Nice conclusion. No triumphant return, no everypony is so happy they are back. It's sorta a "Everypony thought they died and were starting to move on" kind of mood. I would have imagined Twi, Rarity, AJ and Pinkie Pie to be almost fainting (I thought Twi and PP were done better than AJ or Rarity).

      In my last critique I said that this fic was "boring, but interesting." The last chapter was much much better than the others and I actually felt myself drawn in. The only thing keeping me back was how strange and confusing everything was. I feel this is the type of fic that people should get together and discuss after reading because everything happens but isn't explained. This is a good thing and a bad thing. Good in that you truly put us in Dash's and Fluttershy's shoes, we have no clue what's going on. The bad thing is that it keeps the readers from having a more involving and ingraining experience. You were clearly aiming for the former and nailed it, so don't feel bad.

      As for the pacing, the Cantrot scene confuses me. Was all those dream sequences over a couple of days or one day? Because you have this huge scene for a relatively short period of time in you fic, and then say "Then they recuperated for 4 days and continued." The rest of the pacing in the fic was perfect though.

      All in all, good job (understatement no?). I would love a more engrossing experience, but your medium was 3rd person restrictive, not 3rd person omniscient.

      - Kimba -

    112. I have nothing but good feelings from finishing this story. ;_;

      5 freaking stars!

    113. @Affixiation Three gay thumbs up? ( Isn't that what it is? Can't for sure remember.) As for the story... liked the first two chapters, well writen, etc. But you don't need me to tell you that. The final chapter on the other hand felt kinda off-- After reading most of the comments, I'm not so sure that I'm not just crazy... and I feel like a total ass for this, but it was sorta-- like it was WAY rushed. The whole Cantrot thing feels like it could gave been the center of an entire chapter in it's own. It felt rushed and incomplete, and unlike all previouse chapters, I didn't really feel like the characters must of. It just seemed... like it was a great idea and a really cool aspect to the story that was pulled off badly. I mean the squirl led them to ruins, and they instantly started hallucinating. Okay, that's fine, but then days just sort of pass, and they realize that they are in trouble yadaw yadaw yadaw. But the struggle to come out of the hallucinations just didn't seem all that dire... the way it came off to me was as if the experiences were simply minor inconviniences- with the execption that time seemed to pass rather quikly. And then ghost guy shows up out of nowhere and talks about "The end," whitch seems completly irrelevant to the story, and just sorta solves the problem. Then, what is up with the village in the first place? What fire, how? Really ghosts, that is your reason? So that whole bit just felt... squandered. The other part that troubled me was the storm scene. It is quite dramatic and desperate, and then they are seperated and injured. But then onlu for a bit. There was this whole thing about Rainbowdash being seperate, we could have felt all her panik of being alone, her fears for herself and Fluttershy, and more of her feelings, whatever they may be, in that time of horror. Nope. Their injuries seemed crippling, poor Fluttershy's in perticular. It seemed as if she could die, but then it's just a broken wing, and the next day rolls around and she is pretty much no worse for the wear. Their reception was lame (pun intended) with Pinkie feeling like the only authentic character (but only for a brief moment there). The very end was really sweet (sweat?), it was nice to see them grow together, and then sort of cullmenate in those final few words from Dash. I think that the last chapter is just... (I'm so sorry, I really feel like such an asshole for this) a little crappy? Love the story, love the first two chapters, love the third... not so much. So very cute though, with Dash and Fluttershy coming together the way they did. Fucking diabeties is the only way I can think of to describe the level of dawww. So... really sorry, good story, I recomend it, but third chapter is a let down. Please for the love of Celestia and Luna don't stop writing, you are great! I feel like a plot, and I really don't want to diecourage you from writing. I don't think I could ever do it (part of why I feel like such a giant flank) but you have tallent! Great overall, cute, epic, gripping, everything! Keep going, and ignore me, keep writing stories! I write this on a nook because I am on a break, so forgive my horrid spelling and complete lack of formating, this was a pain in the ass to write and it took forever. Also I still feel like a giant fucking turd for even possibly maybe perhaps hurting you personally in any way, and where the fuck do I get off critiquing a story like this anyway? Sorry.... Please if it is worth a damn take my criticism constructivly! Please?


    114. fantastic. among bubbles and black & white as my favorite fan fics

    115. Oh wow, quite an impressive adventure story. Well done ^_^

    116. i want an epilogue, PLEASE

    117. i really think that the hospital scene wasn't the end. i don't know why but it feels like it. btw great story. 8.9/10. i hope you can continue the story one way or other

    118. Great Story.
      The Story almost doesn't warrant the "Shipping" Tag at all until you look back at the story and see what Rainbow and Fluttershy have done for each other.

      After an Adventure like that I wouldn't think that the two would ever leave each other ever again.

    119. Just finished chapter 3... and i must say... D'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW THIS IS SO CUTE!!! OMIGOSH SEQUEL PLOX! 7/5 STARS!!! But in all seriousness, this was very well written and very in character, and of course, immensely cute! 5/5, and i'd love to see a sequel!

    120. @FuzzyI must say i don't agree... its not STAR-6, its STAR-7!

    121. Well.

      I'm glad most everyone liked it (@Opoch, I understand what you're saying, but I did it that way due to narrowness of focus. They'd get their big homecoming party after the end of OTEOTM, and I cannot write parties! And don't worry, it's hard to offend me :D In truth, I would have ended the story the moment they walked into Ponyville if it weren't for my intent to have the shipping wrap-up be the last words).

      This was genuinely fun to write and I learned a lot doing it, more than I ever learned poking about with original fics. I don't know why that is, but it might have something to do with the ability to actually get feedback, which is something to treasure. This is the only fandom I've been interested in writing anything for and the only community where I'd feel comfortable submitting it.

      I don't want to disappoint, but I'm not planning an epilogue solely because this story is complete in my mind.

      On the other hand, I'm tentatively pushing around ideas for a sequel, both thematically and literally, involving Twilight and Luna. However, don't hold your breath - I've got ten million things to do first, including actually figuring out how to build it.

    122. This was an amazing end to a phenomenal story! An epilogue would be wonderful, but not needed. It's wonderful how their relationship has grown stronger, and very refreshing to read a ship where the focus is friendship.

      Wonderful work!

    123. Was going to read this a while ago, but then some other stuff came up. Since that time, FlutterDash has become my OTP. I saw this posted as complete, and thought, "what the heck, I'm not gonna get any sleep anyway, and some light FlutterDash sounds nice."

      I did think at first the story started a little slow, but it soon drew me in. I have to say that after that, you paced the story absolutely perfectly. It never got too fast and never became too slow. You made the right choice in sticking to Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy's perspective, occasionally alluding to things when it was appropriate.

      You also paced the relationship building perfectly. The interactions between Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are perfectly in character and perfectly in tune with the show (I'm using the word 'perfectly' a lot, lol). This fic highlights exactly why FlutterDash is my OTP, if Silent Ponyville 2 hadn't beaten you to it (and with full, true shipping to boot), this story would have made me declare as such.

      I also love the ending, it's very adorable, and perfectly (there's that word again) highlights how those two would feel after such an adventure. They are undeniably now very close, and after drawing such strength from each other throughout their ordeal it's only natural those two in particular would want to stick together. I feel it's worth pointing out that these are the only two characters on the show that would have that kind of a character dynamic, which is of course why FlutterDash is my OTP, along with the fact that Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are far and away my two favorite characters. I would also like to applaud you for leaving the ending ambiguous, if it suddenly went full on shipping that would have marred the ending mood a little IMO. If you chose to do a sequel of some sort with full shipping, that's fine, but I like how you left it wide open for the reader to chose.

      This story has catapulted its way into my top 5 favorite fics. This story should be made into an official movie, and there's only one other fic I would say that about. This deserves 6-stars, my friends. Make it happen!

    124. @Daetrin
      I realize where it came from, the standard dramatic 'everything is against us what the buck else can go wrong' thing, but the Storm felt a bit much. Otherwise I really enjoyed it.

    125. Oh my gosh, why did I not see this fic before? This is absolutely beautiful, there are no words for how much I love your storytelling style Daetrin. The pacing felt just right everywhere, making me feel like I was truly seeing this adventure through Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy's eyes. Drawn out when they were focused on something and more terse when they weren't. And the world you've built is just magnificent. I seriously hope you write that sequel with Twilight and Luna that you hinted at, but until then, have five stars from me. This story deserves to be a Star-6.


      And the relationship between the two of them was just so moving! No romantics, no overt shipping, just the companionship of two comrades and friends forged through hardships. Which is in my opinion the best foundation for a relationship. I teared up a bit every time one of them refused to leave the other behind or reminded her that it would be alright as long as they were together. This definitely deserves all the stars it can get.


      And they were so in character! Fluttershy caring for everyone and everything, from a dragon to a god and even the phantom village that terrified her, asking the island god to care for them, and nursing Rainbow Dash and not backing down when her friend was threatened. And Rainbow being more than a bit brash, but always supporting Fluttershy and standing up to everything in their way even if it didn't turn out well and getting along with Scar more than she would probably ever admit and getting into trouble because she didn't care about her injuries.


      And the spelunking part, and the haunted village and the whales and the broken bridge and the dragon lands and the magic ship and the storm and all the other little details that tell awesome stories... I'm going to stop now.

    126. I think it's telling that, with over 300 votes, this fic is at a full 5 stars, meaning it never got a vote lower than 5. Even most Star-6 stories have a bit of the edge of the fifth star empty.

    127. It's hit six-star ratings! yay!

    128. @Dragonsrules77
      What a way to end the story set! You even had story during the end of their trip, too! That impressed me. It's no wonder this will soon be a 6 star. With ratings like these, it may be the first 7-star!
      I eagerly await for more stories like this. Would it be alright if I were to post it in Deviantart.com? this page will be linked. No credit will be taken, except for bringing it to DA (with permission, of course!), so I hope you'll decide soon.

      This may take quite a long time, as it's a long story, and

    129. @Dragonsrulez77;

      Sure, I don't see any reason why not. Are the guy who's doing the ebook versions or is that someone else?

    130. Spoilers

      A very worthy end. Cantrot maybe just lasted a bit to long. I mean, after a while I just though "Yeah, I get it... they have some kind of illusion". Still, if that whole ordeal lasted for about two days it makes sense. And its only a minor annoyance.

      I'm glad you went with a tornado instead of some kind of monster. It makes it just a bit more real.

      The return to Ponyville was done well. AJ's reaction could have perhaps been a bit more emotional and I personally think Celestia left just a bit to quickly. But that's me really nitpicking.

      I'm still not entirely sure if it warrants even a light shipping tag. The final line at the end can be explained in a lot of ways, really, and there is very little indication there is anything happening between the two other then just the forming of a (very) close bond because of their adventure. But it doesn't matter, the story is more or less perfect as it is and the reader of course can explain it in whatever way they want.

      I've enjoyed it a lot and I thank you for writing it ^^

    131. ...huh, it did creep back up into 6-star territory. I don't know if Seth goes back and changes ratings though, I don't believe he does.

    132. Wonderful story, excellently done! :)

    133. Ok, I typed something that adequately explained how awesome this was, but then I realized how tempting that must have been for fate. So, it's awesome.

    134. @Daetrin

      This was a very wonderfully written fic! The adventure was phenomenal, the shipping was paced perfectly, and the scenery you described was just amazing. How in the wide world of Equestria did you come up with that design for the dragon capitol city?
      There's not really much else I can say that hasn't been said above (and better).

      I sincerely hope to read more of your work in the future, especially if you do that Twilight and Luna story. That's my favorite pairing.

      At any rate, keep up the great work!

    135. @Daetrin
      When it comes to that kind of stuff, I can be compared to Fluttershy. My bronies "claim" I have a beautiful voice for story telling, like if I were to do a live-reading. However, it's my patients, and focus that lacks.
      I just fitted Bubbles (a sad Derpy story) into my PSP with a readable format (using Paint), and it's slightly less than 3000kb. I just don't think I could put my hoof on it, but I feel like somepony is watching to see when/if I make EBooks...

      (I wish I even had the tech + the confidence for EBooks)

    136. This is a fantastic fanfiction. Clever story, wonderful characterisation and immensely satisfying to read through.

      At least, that's the first two parts. The final part was a bit of a let-down. As others have said, it feels rushed compared to the other two parts, especially the ending feels too short and the rest of the main characters don't really feel particularly concerned for their two wayward friends. I just didn't feel the emotion in it.

      Still, thoroughly enjoyable and a solid four stars from me!

    137. This fic defiantly deserves 6 Star statues.

    138. HALP, I can't Download it as a word doc. DX

    139. I don't think this could have been more perfect. It's a beautiful high-fantasy adventure. Part three was amazing, and cantrot just feels so beautifully sad and disturbing, it feels like Story of the Blanks in that way. They were saved by Deus Ex Machina, but it was a perfectly executed Deus Ex Machina, one they earned earlier, one that did not just save them, but the lost souls of Cantrot as well. The events of EFF are out of nowhere, but wonderfully executed as well. You gave your heroines one final pitfall, one that could have easily been fatal, but it turned into another thing to drive them together; rather than an excuse to end one of their lives, and go into the depths of pointless nihilism that tends to dominate fiction. Their return worked well. Pinkie was appropriately herself, and everyone else being subdued was rather appropriate, they were in a hospital receiving care for grievous wounds after all.

      Take my stars, all of them.

    140. HALP, I can't Download it as a word doc. DX

    141. ...huh, it did creep back up into 6-star territory. I don't know if Seth goes back and changes ratings though, I don't believe he does.

    142. For want of a better description, this fic is incredibly clever. It does the rare thing of hinting at events and places beyond what is described without explaining everything, implying the existence of a whole world outside the story.

    143. eh what the hell, I wasn't planning on going to sleep tonight anyway... or anything...

    144. Awesome! I don't usually read fanfic, but this was exceptional.

    145. I don't think this could have been more perfect. It's a beautiful high-fantasy adventure. Part three was amazing, and cantrot just feels so beautifully sad and disturbing, it feels like Story of the Blanks in that way. They were saved by Deus Ex Machina, but it was a perfectly executed Deus Ex Machina, one they earned earlier, one that did not just save them, but the lost souls of Cantrot as well. The events of EFF are out of nowhere, but wonderfully executed as well. You gave your heroines one final pitfall, one that could have easily been fatal, but it turned into another thing to drive them together; rather than an excuse to end one of their lives, and go into the depths of pointless nihilism that tends to dominate fiction. Their return worked well. Pinkie was appropriately herself, and everyone else being subdued was rather appropriate, they were in a hospital receiving care for grievous wounds after all.

      Take my stars, all of them.

    146. This fic, while short in comparison to IADBGOYD, was absolutely spectacular, on a very similar level, and deserves a 6-star rating in my opinion.

      Also, not that I was looking for shipping when I decided to read this(I was more interested by the [Adventure]), but I'd say the [Light Shipping] tag was hardly necessary, as 95% of the interaction between Dash and Fluttershy felt like strong bonding between friends who have been through a lot, rather than something verging on more than friendship. The 5% that did feel like "light shipping" was mostly the last, "where do we go from here" scene. Regardless, this is more of a quibble with the tag, than with the story itself, which again, was pretty much PERFECT.

    147. Wonderful! It's just awesome. The characters feel just like the show, the journey was epic, and the relationship building just felt right (and no, I dont mean in the "shipping" sense, more in actual character relationships).

      I could really see this as being in the show, or maybe a feature-length episode.

      Marvelous work

    148. This was great!! I really wild, epic tale that was written well. It's crazy to think off all the things those ponies got themselves into, but it all works out without too much romance (something I was afraid of). It was so great to see them bonding and pulling through and such. 4/5

    149. That was a beautiful story, I was crying manly tears throughout.

      And the ending made me let out one of the loudest "D'awwwwwww"s I ever did D'aw... Very nice story.

    150. This is one of the best stories, not just fanfics, I have ever read. While the story seems a fair bit lengthier compared to other fanfics I have read, it drew me in and wouldn't let me go until I finished the entire thing. The reactions and the development for Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy were perfect.

      Manly tears throughout and no regrets at all.

    151. This was most excellent. Everything about it was great. I simply crave adventure stories, and this one certainly delivered, along with excellent characterization of the two. 5 stars indeed!

    152. Agreed with Anon and ItsTheWhinyGuys above me, good luck no one seen me reading this, they would consider me insane looking at my expressions:
      sadness, smiling with tears in eyes, next eyes wide open and then grinning cheerfully.

      I enjoyed this more than some "bestseller" books, and I'm sure I'll reread this many times.

    153. This reminded me of some of those strange adventure stories my school library used to have. Now I miss those stories. Few stories seem to even try for this kind of story, for this kind of magic, were the setting is the main character, the main cast present to do little more than witness the wonders around them.
      Thank you for this story.
      Robert George Mull

    154. Do stories ever get bumped up in star ratings?
      Because this story definitely deserves 6 stars.

    155. Gonna have to sing my praises for this one as well. I already wrote a lot, but this final chapter capped it off perfectly. To be honest, I was almost sad when they reached Ponyville, cause, honesty, I could read novels worth of chapters on their adventures! Both the adventures themselves and their bonding throughout makes it such a compelling read.

      Just want to make a personal note that Mono's Hymn To The Immortal Wind makes for a perfect soundtrack to this story. The combination of the literature and the music brought me to tears at times.

    156. "Carry my memory with you"

      Incredible, one of the best fanfics I've read. I honestly clicked on it for the shipping, but the adventure was very well done. It was longer than I'd usually read, but it didn't feel too long, well worth the time to read it. It didn't really feel like shipping, just friends developing a close bond, no makeouts or anything, but very good story either way.

    157. I'm actually sad that I finished this.
      Now I have nothing good to read.

      Please continue with these.

      Love them to death.

    158. I'm just starting out on this and... those paragraphs. Not breaking between speakers makes this really hard to read. I'm going to take it as a good sign that this story is rated so highly despite all that, so I'm going to try to keep reading... but you really should go back and fix that. I mean really really.

    159. Well, I still want to punch your editing in the face, but I'll admit it got a lot better as you progressed. Not that that changes anything! Go back to part 1 and fix your mistakes! It will make the whole thing a lot, lot better, and it won't really be that hard.

      I'm glad I persevered through the first bit, though. It really is an excellent story once you get to the parts where you can actually understand who is doing the talking.

      ...What, do you think I'm beating that point to death? Well, I am. Bad editing can be the death of an otherwise good story. If I had one critique (other than the paragraphs between speakers), it would be that the dragon fights were not epic enough. The whole throne-room confrontation just went by really quickly, without much explanation or detail. Apart from that, though, this was absolutely fantastic. Well worth 5 stars.

    160. That was bad ass. You are a consummate artist, and you have created something beautiful and powerful today. I was kind of waiting for Dash and Fluttershy to make out, but the way you ended it is very nice. Sweet and ambiguous but above all hopeful. All the stars. :D

    161. This was an exelent story. I would definantly read it agian. I loved every bit of it.
      Friendship, trust, adventure all in 1 package. I loved every second of reading it.

    162. I thought I was going to make it through this fic with my eyes dry. I thought it was just going to be an honest-to-Celestia adventure and, ah Celestia DAMN it, just thinking about the fic gets me misty-eyed now, and I finished it a MINUTE ago.

      At the end of the last sequence in Cantrot, I tore up so hard. It felt like the bottom of my stomach disappeared, and I got tingles that lasted for half a minute.

      I just,



      No more words

      Just.. this. Damn you. This was amazing. Beyond amazing. Thank you.

    163. That. was. *fantastic*

      You are an incredibly gifted writer. Once I started the first chapter I couldn't stop reading. It was such an adventure! I really felt for those 2 ponies, the danger was real and pulled you in, even if the danger was just survival. The way you describe everything so vividly made the story come alive in my mind.

      They pulled through together, and grew from the experience. When they finally made it back to town I had to pause because I couldn't see through the tears anymore.

      When I got done reading I got this warm feeling that only a great story with a happy ending can give. Thank you so much for sharing this story with the rest of us.

      Also, I echo pretty much everything Cloudy Skies just said above me. Thank you.

    164. I loved every hour of this. I spent all day reading and didn't regret it one bit.

    165. Vaugh Williams! I love that freaking song! Brohoof!

    166. Oh my God. After I finished this story, I went depressed for a while, because I won't be able to find something as Godlike as this story for a while. I cannot describe in words how amazing this was.


      I wouldn't have minded if the shipping was stronger, though :3

    167. Is it just me, or does the spirit speak in vorlon?
      Awesome story.

    168. One of my favourite story's!
      But I don't know why even the Light shipping tag?!
      Still GREAT STORY!!

      Here you can see that also without a real Grindmark or at least anyone dying!
      and without real shipping you can have a really good RD story

    169. Beautiful, simply beautiful =3 I can't think of anything else to say that can describe this story

    170. Just finished reading the first part. I cannot describe the feeling.. "And the god flinched." Just wow.

    171. That was...amazing...
      Can't get over the epicness that this story was.
      How can you explain how epic something like this was?
      *reminds self to breath*
      It might take a while until I can read another mlp:fim fanfic...

    172. Stars: 4.9
      Rating: 5 star...
      4.9 and 5 is 6 star... :/
      And this fic deserves it.

    173. Zomg, must leave comment. Story is sooo gooooooood!!!!

    174. Sequel is around 3/4 done, stars Luna and Twi.

      Also, whoever upgraded it to Star-6, thanks!

    175. @Daetrin Just finished reading this, great job. Quick question, will RD and Fluttershy's relationship status be touched on or at least alluded to in the sequel? After so much build up I must have hard facts!

    176. Haven't finished reading yet, just got to the end of Part 1, but it's already obviously styled and well-thought-out work. I'm also impressed by your grammar.

      Was "I am a Rock" by Simon & Garfunkel part of your inspiration for this?

    177. I finally got around to reading this, and it was awesome! I absolutely loved the character and friendship development over the course of their journey. I can't wait to get started on the sequel!

    178. Fantastic fic!
      I can't wait to see what you write next :)

    179. This fanfic was absolutely amazing. I was so glad to see a shipping fic that went with adventure, rather than sex all over Ponyville. Extremely well done.