Description: Hoity Toity endures YET ANOTHER evening of banality and crimes against fashion, but everypony seems pretty convinced that this Luna character will turn things around.
Damn you, trollestia. Damn youuuuuu
Wow. Another one of those stories where they take a character I hate and make me like him (sorta). Hoity Toity is incorruptible! He's probably the Scarlet Pimpernel in disguise!
Five stars.Taking such premise and THIS character and putting it all together to such effect is just straight-out spectacular.Special and personal thank-you for adhering to Shakespearian principles and not wasting any of reader's time - the story is that much better for it. Makes reading it a pleasant breeze.Can we have a link to your dA account or something?..
Oh celestia, when will you ever learn to be nice to your sister?I liked the story a lot, although I felt that Luna's character seemed somewhat...lacking, somehow. It's hard to put my finger on it, but it seemed like more could be done with her. Anyways, nice job!
Karl Lagerfeld pony is the best pony, and bratty Luna is a lot of fun. The cooler party at the end was very enjoyable as well. Five stars!
What? Still only four stars? What the hell?
@ Fire Esper: Thanks! :) I don't have a Dev Art account or anything but you've made me think I should probably make one. I'll keep you posted :)@ Anon: Luna's character might have been off because the story was from Toity's perspective and he didn't care about her. Luna was going through insecurity, misgivings, shame and other emotions but I only showed what showed externally. Sorry to hear it didn't work as well as I hoped.Also, this is the first story starring Hoity Toity on Equestria Daily. For shame, fanfic writers.
Someone please draw Derpy in that muffin dress.
@ Anon: Derpy's Dress:http://img860.imageshack.us/img860/6674/derpyn1298948583287h.jpg
@ThanqolIt's like Rarity made it during that "please everypony" stage and nopony told Derpy that it wasn't awesome.
@ Shadow Phoenix:I don't think even the incorruptible Hoity Toity would have the heart to tell Derpy her dress wasn't cool.
I gave this my five stars, though it did show Luna as more of a harsh character than I thought she'd be, as I'd always considered her normal self and Nightmare Moon to be polar opposites.It was a well written story though, and Hoity Toity was interesting in it, but all these fan stories are making me like Celestia less, and less, and less, and less. :pAnyway, I gave this my five stars, bumping it up to 4.5 overall!
I've got pics for Luna's and Derpy's dresses, but I want to see Gilda's outfit.
@Thanqol Please do. This was one of the best fanfics I've ever read.As for Luna - take this with a pinch of salt, I'm a horrible writer - it was quite evident she always had something boiling down under, the text just doesn't make it clear exactly what, only giving occasional subtle signs. The world is clearly quite coherent.If it's intentional, it's a good thing. If you wanted to tell us what she was feeling exactly without breaking the perspective, you can do it with secondary actions: have her fumble a motion, or have her avoid looking directly at her tormentor, or, more directly, "She nervously stepped from hoof to hoof". Obviously in context appropriate for story and character.Ignore if you know that already, haha.PS: Derpy's dress will haunt my nightmares. :(
Hoity Toity knows fashion. That is all. He is subservient to no one in this regard. The way you portrayed him is awesome, an interesting character that hasnt really been experimented with often. There should be more stories with him, methinks.
Well, your writing style is quite skillful. You've got the exactly right narrative feel for a story from a 3rd Person Hoity Toity perspective, and your portrayal of him thus is terrific.Unfortunately, that writing skill doesn't really take us anywhere. You've got a fair message to convey, but the conclusion of the story is suddenly and randomly bogged down by utterly inexplicable and irrelevant guest appearances, so much that whatever meaning the story had (which, I take it, is to emphasize the value of truth to oneself and showing others who you are rather than what other people want you to be seen as) is lost in the rush. Although it would have seemed incomplete and in need of a stronger conclusion, you would have been better off just cutting the story off once Luna finds the outfit that Hoity Toity approves than going with the conclusion you did. The reader becomes too confused about why Trixie, Gilda, and Derpy have suddenly been tossed in for no reason to pay attention to what the story's been trying to lead up to.I also have to say that the portrayal of Celestia here is...somewhat fanciful. While it's quite common among our fanbase to show Celestia as mean-spirited and at odds with Luna, there's not actually any evidence, implication, or even remote reason to believe in such an interpretation, and thus she's very out of character in this story.Overall, it's not a bad story, but it unravels near the end, and that causes the overall lasting impression to be one of pointlessness. Thankfully, the quality of writing style and the use and portrayal of Hoity Toity is a strong saving grace. 3 Stars.
@The RPGenius For the record, I enjoy "pointlessness", and consider stories that try to convey any sort of moral as opposed to provoking thought or simply offering some sort of experience a personal insult. (All FIM episodes do that, goddamn.)I very much liked the structure. Don't see it that often.