Author: Jetfire
Description: When an accident leaves Twilight Sparkle seriously ill, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity must undertake a perilous journey to find her a cure. What adventures await them beyond Equestria's borders?All Chapters after the Break!
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 1
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 2
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 3
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 4
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 5
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 6
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 7
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 8
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 9
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 10
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 11
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 12
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 13
Ir's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 14
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 15
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 16
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 17
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 18
It's a Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Door Chapter 19
Besides the Will of Evil (New - Sequel)
Additional Tags: Adventure, Epic, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash
Full Revised Story Download (New!)
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748 comments:
Wow talk about foreshadowing. Pinkie new about the World Sanke. Falalaurina was hesitant about talking about their return trip through the Shimmerwood, because like she told Rarity she knew there would be no Shimmerwood or even an Archback Mountains to return to.
ReplyDeleteWow, there's a lot of tension here... I know that Deer-ladrial said that Twilight would live, but they're cutting it pretty close there.
ReplyDeleteYAY! There's the flower they need! Now they just need to grab-
Wait... Uh oh...
What? WHAT?! OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT THING?!
... You're ending there?! YOU BASTARD!
Now I'm going to be white-knuckling on my laptop until the next chapter comes out! I need to know!
Also, Rainbow, life lesson... Send off the flower first, victory dance AFTER
Complete? No!
ReplyDeleteWhen I have time, I'll definitely be looking at this. I've heard great things about this but I've just never had the time.
ReplyDeleteI'm very much looking forward to this.
And there I was just going to bed. Awesome!
ReplyDeleteOn the one hand: YES! New chapters! On the other hand: NO! No more to come!
ReplyDeleteLoved it all the way through, and it subverted my expectations: as soon as Rarity decided to join the journey as she felt Twilight's problem was her fault, I expected them to lose Spike's fire on the way and the only way to save Twilight would be for Rarity to teleport them and the beneviolet back to Ponyville; that didn't happen, and it didn't feel even slightly odd that it didn't.
Please say you'll be writing a sequel? You can't hint at all 6 elements having special gifts and then wake up a world snake and refuse to write more... Can you?
Although my wish for an even longer epic didn't come true this time, I loved this story anyway!
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed for a sequel!
COMPLETE YOU SAY?
ReplyDeleteoh well time to start reading.
While reading the last two chapters, I was listening to Dark Side of the Moon for the first time. The album ended just as I finished reading. My mind is so full of epic right now.
ReplyDeleteI cried, I laughed, I squeed and cheered.
ReplyDeleteI can't find enough words to say how much I love this story.
This has been one of the best stories I've read in years. Not MLP stories, or fanfics in general, but stories, period. It definitely deserves the label 'epic'. The grand scale of the adventure is awesome, but doesn't detract from the very personal level of character development. The secondary characters, who are only ever around for a chapter or three, are well made and believable. The nods and references to other fantasy epics were good too - they provided an extra bit of entertainment to those of us who are fans of the other works, without feeling forced or distracting
ReplyDeleteBefore I continue this rambling for too long, I'll stop myself and say this: Thank you for sharing this story and congratulations on completing it.
Hasbro, make this a feature-length film.
ReplyDeleteDefeating a World Snake. I honestly didn't expect that at all. There aren't enough memes to adequately describe the BEYOND THE IMPOSSIBLE levels of EPIC WIN here. That was the one of the best fights I've ever read, and the buildup is like a bunch of six-star short stories tied together and the whole thing is So Awesome! :D
ReplyDeleteSpectacular. A fantastic conclusion to what is easily my favourite MLP fanfic (and one of my all-time favourites in any fandom). Your work is simply stellar. Thank *you*, good brony.
ReplyDeleteMy only hope is for a sequel!
BRAVO!! BRAVO!! I remember seeing the first five chapters of this piece of fiction, and thinking that it was going in a nice direction. I had NO CLUE the scale of EPICNESS that it would reach along the way, and now that it's over... the right words I want to say, escape me.
ReplyDeleteWell done sir Jetfire. WELL DONE!
I got nothing to say what has not been said yet by anyone else.
ReplyDeleteJust THANK YOU for this Story Jetfire. I can't even describe the emotions i felt when reading this fic.
Keep up the good work and stay safe!
Chapters 18 and 19 already! I didn't even get to read 17 yesterday, what with all the work I had to do! -_-
ReplyDeleteMy word those last chapters were churned out rapidly. Although, please tell me we'll be seeing more, this has been an amazing story.
ReplyDeleteI can't say much more than Rekiara. Nail on the head, bang on.
O...k... first and foremost: This story is win. Epic win. Worthy of being made it's own Diety win. In all honesty this was as much for for me as reading "LoTR" the first time through.
ReplyDeletesecond: I can imagine a lot of possible senarios out of this to use in my own D&D campaigns (and a few that I've already done as well, like World Snake fighting... even though we lost). I imagine you'd be a world-class DM, Jetfire.
third: If you're still feeling the power of your creation, then I pray you continue writing (either actual books irl of your own design for your own created characters or more of this amazing Fanfiction), especially hoping you decide to do similar Uberterian (epic is so over used I'ma revert to the various ways I know to say Uber XD) stories (and hoping you can link them back to this one ^_^)
and finally, while I am disappointed with the lack of Luna, that only takes of 0.1% of the 7.9 out of 5 I give you <3
to the admins: we NEED a rank 7 possible to be givable only to the most amazing story of each specific type of Fanfic (one for Normal, shipping, grim, random, comedy, etc. etc.)
So speaks Prince Raiser Neutril the 11th... if that's ok with you... *squeek*
Love the Dragoon Apple Jack! (FFIV)
ReplyDeleteAnd so the heroine is saved, and the evil in unleashed unto the world...
ReplyDelete...So ends There and Back Again, and so begins Lord of the Ponies.
i tend to consider myself one of the pickiest readers in the world and rarely find myself actually invested in a story and THIS story good man had me stuck waiting for the next chapter since i burned through 1-15. This is quite easily of the few stories here that deserve the 6 star rating! I look forward to future works from you be they pony or not (tho lovin the pony just sayin :D)
ReplyDeleteThis had to have been one of the greatest Ponyfics ever written. The many twists and turns, the character interaction, just.. Everything about it was great! After following this story from beginning to end, waiting for updates, all of it was worth it.
ReplyDeleteMy goodness was that amazing!
ReplyDeletealso i second the motion of raiserxi as this very thought crossed my mind when i finished this story. although i think a "hall of fame" scenario might work better here where every 3 or 4 months we nominate a new story to enter with a couple of polls :D voting should get us the best results
ReplyDeleteI have no words to describe what I'm feeling for this story. I honestly never believed a simple adventure story could hold so much interest for me, let alone evoke the kind of emotional response that this has.
ReplyDeleteThere really isn't anything more to say than thank you for writing this epic. Thank you so very much.
Wha?! But but I just read the new chapter this morning!
ReplyDeleteNow there's two more!
And I don't have the free time to read right now!
;_;
This story was absolutely fantastic, and I wouldn't change a thing about it! Everyone should read it!
ReplyDeleteI eagerly look forward to the next fic you write, Jetfire, whether it be a continuation of this or not.
Can't say anything that hasn't already been said. Well done. :)
ReplyDelete... All my stars. Have them, please.
ReplyDeleteThat was a textbook example of an adventure story done absolutely, completely right. This story is almost certainly the finest [Normal] story on the blog, and I, and everyone else, thank you for writing it!
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to see what you do next!
I tried to give you 7 stars, i failed, sorry...
ReplyDeleteOH GOD CHAPTER 17 IS AWESOME GHGHDFHGDFGHDF
ReplyDeleteMy whole body is being overcome with an extremely serious case of goosebumps! You're such a good writer man I do so hope you write more! 100000000/5 stars!
ReplyDeleteThank you, all of you, for reading.
ReplyDeleteI want to give some specific thanks. Thank you to Ms. Lauren Faust, Mr. Rob Renzetti, and the whole development team for My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, for making such an interesting universe and then leaving enough of it undeveloped that I could play around in it.
Thank you to Sethisto and Equestria Daily for hosting the story to begin with, and for putting up with my sporadic chapter updates.
Thank you to the fanartists who drew artwork and suggested artwork, helping me better visualize the words I came up with.
Not the least, thank you so much to all my readers, here on ED, at Ponychan, on FiMChan, on /co/, and across the internet. The story literally would not have been as good as it was without all of you. Every critique, every word of praise or appraisal, moved me forward, helped me think better, made me strive to write the best I could write.
My far-off ambition has always been to someday write a great novel series. In the meantime, I've written fanfiction, and I've always believed that whether a story is original or based on someone else's creation, it should strive to be as well-told and well-developed as possible. Fanfiction, any fiction, should strive for perfection, even if it can't ultimately be achieved. So feel confident in knowing that I have given you all my best, or at least what is my best at this point in time. The more I write, the better a writer I become.
So then- this story's done. Now on to the next one.
I don't even know what to say, so I'm just going to make a simple request.
ReplyDeleteSequal please?
OH. MY. CELESTIA.
ReplyDeleteBEST. FANFIC. EVAR.
My faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,
ReplyDeleteWhile I appreciate both the efforts of your friends to save you from that terrible disease, and the diligence of Spike to write down the entire adventure so that I might read it, you really should have mentioned the vast, destructive world snake that was awakened in your opening letter. Had I been able to act sooner, Lady Falalauria might not now have to find her deer a new forest in which to live, what with the Shimmerwood now being buried deep in the world snake's belly. Priorities, my dearest student, priorities.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia
...honestly, that is my one and only issue with this otherwise superlatitive fic. The world snake, the destructive force that Falalauria said would threaten millions, is just... left there, probably angry that the tiny snacks that were pestering it with lightning and rope escape. The final chapter barely mentions the beast, no consideration made to what a threat this creature is, and that... annoys me a bit.
Other than that, though, this has been a fantastic journey, and I'm saddened that yet another of the epic length fanfics I follow has ended, hot on the heels of Half the Day is Night. Honestly, when Ballad of Twilight Sparkle and Fallout: Equestria end as well, I dunno what I'll do...
And I really do dmean it when I say that without you this story wouldn't have been as good as it was.
ReplyDeleteDo you want a concrete example?
The whole bit about Dash's backstory with Firefly came about because of comments here. It was you all who started to note, after Chapter 12, that the presence of the Pronghorn Network would be a great convenience to our three heroines, and to wonder aloud (in print at least) how Dash could have forgotten to mention Twilight's plight.
This caused me to think: why would she forget? I had mentioned in an earlier chapter that not being able to control lightning gnawed at her, but simple incompleteness and lack of a skill wouldn't be enough to make learning lightning so overwhelmingly important to her. There needed to be some other motivation for Dash learning lightning, something that would make it so important as to drive thoughts of Twilight temporarily out of her mind.
So I came up with the idea for her having a mentor that could control lightning, and I thought I would have some fun by making that mentor Firefly, the G1 Pony who was Lauren Faust's inspiration for Rainbow Dash.
So there, you see? You all helped me more than you knew.
Hey fantastic read and conclusion. Will we see a sequel with them dealing with the world snake? Will we see other 3 get new abilities?
ReplyDeleteOne of the best stories on the site period
Hell, it's all epic.
ReplyDeleteI want a sequel, though. All that business with the elemental gifts and the snake and the unexplored romances and training hasn't been resolved!
Well, I just finished. I can honestly say that this story is one of the best I have ever read. To the best of my memory, no story I have read has EVER brought me to tears.
ReplyDelete*spoilers following, sort of*
The meeting between Rainbow Dash and Firefly made me well up.
I noticed very heavy influence from Lord of the Rings, which is one of my favorite stories. I sort of cringed when the deer spoke Elvish. It seemed out of place, but it didn't detract from the experience.
**END of Spoilers**
Jetfire, thank you for writing this epic tale, it is a real work of art.
This was indeed a true epic! I plan to reread this again in the future! In fact, I'm gonna share this with my friends so they can see what awesome fanfics can be!
ReplyDelete@NinesTempest
ReplyDeleteI loved the Dreaming chapter! I took a class on Australian history and we had a relatively short discussion on Aborigines and their beliefs, but I wished my professor had devoted more time to teaching us @ the Dreaming. The concept is so fascinating and complex!
ARTISTS FANART OF RARITY'S ARMOUR NOW
ReplyDeleteI waited until the end to comment: this is such a long tale that I can't really speak to specific parts. It's an epic multi-chapter adventure and this was simply wonderful to read. The characterization of the Mane 3 on the journey and the way they developed was handled so very well. I thank you for writing, and sharing it, with us.
ReplyDeleteBest goddamn fic I ever read. No more needs to be said, the end.
ReplyDeleteJetfire, if you read these comments could you teach me how to write. This is seriously the best fanfic I've ever read and I've read alot.
ReplyDeleteThat fanfic was amazing....
ReplyDeleteJust finished it...
ReplyDeleteFuck. Yes.
That was UNBELIEVABLY amazing.
This is, without a doubt, one of the greatest literary experiences of my life. A truly amazing piece of work.
I'm sad it's over, though. Threads like these... you never want them to end, once you get ahold of them.
Wow. I really think that's all I can say. Best fic on the site. 20 stars!
ReplyDeleteI fistpumped so goddamn hard at the end of Chapter 18 that I hurt my hand. This story... holy shit.
ReplyDeleteFrom the beginning I have loved this story. The characters you have crafted. The world you have created. The situations you presented. The backstories you have created. The interactions of the 3 canon ponies with these new worlds around them. Hell, the way you used Firefly alone would be enough to get a 5-star out of me, but you did so much more.
And you cap it off with 4 chapters rapid fire in the span of a week, so quickly that I couldn't even get to them until that big "Update Complete" title forced me to disavow all other things and finish this. Seeing this story through to the end was that important for me. And I'm truly glad that I did.
"Best fanfic I've ever read" may sound like a cliche, a trite overreaction, but damn it does this ever earn the title. There are stories that I've recommended others read that aren't even as good by themselves as the individual chapters of this story. Dangerous Business had always been a Top 3 contender from the moment I started reading it, but now that it has ended and I can take it all in as a whole, I can move it squarely into the #1 position.
And for those keeping track at home, the conclusion of this story takes the total count up to 6, but much like with The Party Never Ended, the reasons are those of happiness rather than sadness. In fact, the only sadness comes from the fact that the story is not complete, which is not something I had prepared myself for.
So awesome. This is going down as one of the best stories on Equestria Daily.
ReplyDeleteNow all I have to look forward to is the completion of Antipodes, Fallout Equestria, Paradise, and any new great stories that I know this fandom will surely make.
@Jetfire PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE write a sequel. I could see it being difficult to write one with just the other 3 going and it not seeming too convenient and not just a coincidence, but still! a really cool and well written story that very much enjoyed reading and I look forward to others by you
ReplyDeleteThis has been one of the greatest stories I've ever read.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you will continue to write more in this vain, and perhaps make a sequel.
Tenchi said everything I could possibly say, but much better than I would have said.
ReplyDeleteThough, I desperately wish to see more of your writing now, be it shipping or grimdark or more episodic-normals or something.
I'm not sure I can stand having another epic fic to read from you...
*clap clap clap*
ReplyDeleteBravo good sir. That was fantastic. I am worried about that World Snake though, it seemed pretty pissed. AJ, RD, and Rarity are now super OP! I hope the other 3 ponies get an epic quest to go on next. Oh! I can see Fluttershy having to tame the World Snake.
that story was amazing! I followed it from the beginning! Great job!
ReplyDeleteThat was... well I hate to use the word... but that was epic. Completely deserving of 5 stars.
ReplyDeleteThis is the best thing.
ReplyDeleteThis is the greatest thing I've ever read. You should definitely write more stories.
ReplyDelete[Clears throat] That. WAS. AWSOME!
ReplyDeleteIts official, "It's Dangerous Business, Going Out Your Front Door" is the greatest My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fan fiction story on Equestria Daily. Truly an epic adventure.
Words cannot describe how amazingly brilliant this story is. Great characterizations, and character development. World building that adds to and feels natural given the source material. It has the right balance of action adventure, drama, mythology, and even romance. My only complaint is Falalaurina referencing The Gala as it removes the timeless quality of the story.
Please, please, please give thought to a sequel. Maybe two and make true trilogy.
Before I forget.
ReplyDeleteThank-you Jetfire for writing this story and sharing it with the world. This is not just an excellent piece of fan fiction but an excellent story in it own right. Thank-you and good luck in your future endeavors both online and in real life.
Amazing story. It would be awesome if this was published into an actual physical novel-- it's full-length and adventurous.
ReplyDelete-clap clap clap clap clap clap-
And thus, one of the best fanfics on this site has come to a conclusion.
ReplyDeleteThe only complaint I can form about the story was that Twilight's recovery seemed too fast for how bad the horn rot had become. However, I'll just assume that the flower was just that powerful since it is mentioned that the brighter flowers have stronger healing powers.
Overall, excellent story and I look forward to any further works you create.
Ok that was awesome. Now We needs more. A sequel will do nicely. I wanna see you do more with all this awesome world building you've made.
ReplyDelete@Jetfire Truer words have never been spoke.
ReplyDelete@Facelessguru Yes a fan fic hall of fame would be a fantastic idea. Reserved only for the best of the best.
The fan art for this story is great, and a story this great deserves great fan art. Now if we can only get a picture of Rarity in her Deer armor, the set would be complete.
@Facelessguru
ReplyDeleteYou don't even need to nominate or vote.
I got some... ideas.
"Thank you" at the end Jetfire? No...
ReplyDeleteThank YOU.
You took a step back from the story and asked "What kinds of things exist outside the kingdom of Equestria?" and in answering, revealed a world that's far more wonderous and magical than we ever could have anticipated.
A kingdom of hardy but dependable Earth Ponies, pronghorns who ride lightning to deliver messages all over the world, deer being the new elves, and hinting at even more amazing sights. Narwhals spawning the Aurora? African antelopes using fire magic? A kingdom full of camels?
You've done more than create a fanfic. You've made a goddamn WORLD, one that you can't help but be in awe of. If I had a hat good sir, I would remove it with a dramatic flourish in recognition of your writing prowess. This story is now officially tied for number one fanfic in my books, matched only by the famous Fallout: Equestria.
I look forward to your next work Jetfire, and I know that in your talented hands we will not be disappointed when it arrives.
Holy. Freaking. Crap. This is, without a doubt, the most awesome and superbly written fanfic I have ever read. Thank you ever so much for such a wonderful, enjoyable story. Very well done!
ReplyDeleteOne Problem I have with the ending. The World Snake didn't do anything more hostile than waking up until after Rainbow Dash zapped it with lightning.
ReplyDeleteThe ponies resorting to force immediately without even attempting to communicate doesn't feel right.
One more problem with the World Serpent. I get that at the end its tied in a knot and trapped inside its own magical barrier but that won't hold it forever. It's going to get out eventually and its going to be pissed and likely to lash out at the nearest thing it sees. Namely the Shimmerwood.
ReplyDelete>final update
ReplyDeleteI nearly cried manly tears at those two words.
Then I read the two final chapters.
The manly tears returned with a vengeance and I could not hold them back. There was so much awesome, and...and that final scene in Chapter Eighteen was a real tearjerker (not gonna' spoil it just in case anybrony happens to read comments before reading the story!).
And that last chapter was incredible on all accounts. The beginning especially, but also the very end with Celestia. :)
I really, really hope you write more FiM fics, Jetfire. :D
Thank you, Jetfire.
ReplyDeleteHoly fucking... I just... I don't even know what to say. This story took me on an adventure unlike any story ever has. The final chapters had me literally STANDING on the edge of my chair.
ReplyDeleteBravo, bravo.
And... encore.
You sir... You sir are not simply a fanfiction writer, but a magical force in your own right.
ReplyDeleteThis fanfiction is indeed novel quality, and if you really did write those best-selling novels that you dream of, I would be the first to buy the whole set.
I thank you profusely for the time and effort you put into this brilliant story.
Just one thing bothers me - when are they going to get around to averting those millions of deaths you were talking about before...?
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThat's what "lala" was kind of worried about. But it's a hypothetical. Hence what Rarity said.
I don't really have anything to add, but now that the story is finished I would be remiss if I didn't say how absurdly wonderful this story has been. I would elaborate, but there's really nothing else to say. This is without a doubt the best piece of pony fanfiction that I have ever read, and I doubt it will ever be surpassed.
ReplyDeleteWhen I started reading this story back on Chapter 3 I dont think I could have imagined the amount of epic I would later see. This is my all time favorite story and a certain 6/5, I cannot wait to see what you have planned next, and await that story with joy.
ReplyDeleteCh.15 :
ReplyDeleteI found Rarity's dream scene quite interesting, with the past/future/potential self.
-----
>“Magic is magic,”
>It's a matter of having enough power and enough skill.
-AH! Yes ! ...you wouldn't believe how often that simple fact is forgotten/overlooked in many stories and other stuff...
>“That was an elkish word,” Falalauria commented.
-Wait, ''couture'' ?
Elkish is their ancient version of French ?
>Her starscape eyes widened to their full size. “You may even be able to see the One True Future of all things, if such a Sight even exists.”
-Oh, you mean the *Universe's Scenario*, which I'm currently holding ? ;)
Anon rant time.
ReplyDeleteAlright so I just finished all the chapters and have to say this that I was thoroughly entertained. Generally this story was enjoyable and kept me looking for more. That said I'm disappointed at how the story turned out.
Up until after the Dale Ponies I would've rated this with a strong 6/5. There was a smooth flow, character development, and general excitement about the journey ahead. Then something changed in how the story was told. There was a pick up, events started to happen faster and more planned. Dialogue felt slightly more forced and less emotional.
It was around this time when I realized a bit of a plot hole. As someone else had mentioned why in the world didn't the ponies watching Twilight, or even in the very start of this adventure send a message to Celestia? This is really a bit absurd. I know you wrote in a solution to this, but it was big enough to become a serious distraction while reading.
The few chapters with the deer were interesting. Nothing spectacular but it was still engaging enough to be enjoyable. The whole thing with Rarity felt like a joke to me. Trust or Faith whatever it was. Maybe it was Faith in which case Trust would've been better. That entire scene just felt forced. I was thrown out of the story and had to focus just to finish it.
After that things take a turn for the worst. Actions start to seem more OOC. One may argue that the characters are evolving and that they don't represent the original cast. I agree but the more I read the more forced each character was... like they had to fit some grand design.. aka the plot.
The whole world snake thing was well, I face-hoofed. Hated it, entirely. Felt like very little creativity, characters just started running around doing stuff. This part of the story can get completely illogical. One quick point brought up by a reader.
*When AJ was standing firm, couldn't the World Snake just eat her and the ground with its mouth? Wouldn't that just own AJ?*
Regardless of the above the story format and internal voice changed entirely the last 4 chapters. Basically those chapters felt rushed, unrefined and frankly planned. I don't know if anyone else is bothered by exclamation marks being spammed, but I am. I swear there were so many exclamation marks...
The last chapter. No, I'm basically just rewriting it in my head. The beginning of Chapter 19. Disgusting imo. Twilight saves the day, we get nothing of how the Benevoliet is brewed in time. No idea if Spike sent a letter to Celestia when he walked in some chapters ago. Every character was acting dumb. Exclamation marks in every single sentence. 10 minutes of hugging... Thanks I needed to be told this. Show it don't tell it.
It was hard. Unbelievably hard to finish reading Chapter 19. Well actually the bit with Celestia was more or less fine. As if you went back to your old writing style.
6/5 for the first 14 chapters roughly.
5/5 for 15-16.
4/5 for 17.
3/5 for 18.
1/5 for 19.
Overall? You entertained me enough in the beginning. 4/5.
Bravo! Bravo! Plot holes be damned, this story gets five GALAXIES!
ReplyDeleteThat mental image of Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash huddling together and waiting for death is gonna stick with me like no sadfic ever has. ;_;
"End? No. The journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path... one that we all must take."
That said, I'm gonna register my vote against a sequel. I mean, that would be like picking up after Luke blew up the Death Star and --
Okay, bad example. But seriously, the story is complete as is. I'd much rather see a whole new story than paint in the corners of this one.
@Anonymous
ReplyDelete...I'm going to love you and tolerate your opinion.
You, sir, have written a story that other writers can only hope to follow in the footsteps of.
ReplyDeleteI do have... a few ideas in mind for something written after. Not a sequel as such, but something taking place in this universe.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you'd like more behind the scenes stuff. Want to know what first inspired me to write the whole story? It was that video of The Elder Scrolls: Equestria.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=egrlzkKa6O8
Which got me watching the original Skyrim gameplay footage:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSRtYpNRoN0&feature=feedlik_more
And the music was so stirring and epic, the scenes accompanying it so striking and vibrant.
I told myself, "I can write a My Little Pony story with scenes that would fit that music." Then in my mind the scene where the Dragonborn confronts that one dragon became AJ, Dash and Rarity fighting the world snake.
And the rest is history.
Best thing evah! I've got just the same feeling when i first read LofR! Epic, just EPIC.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say. I really don't. So, I'll keep it short and say: Well Done, Jetfire. Thank you so much for this Amazing piece of art and literature. This was my gateway fanfic, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Just truly and utterly EPIC in every way, shape, and form. I will admit that I nearly cried MANLY tears during this story, specifically during the encounter with Firefly. This is drawing out longer than I expected. Thank you again, Jetfire, for this Grand example of fanfiction and all around literature.
ReplyDelete-Joe
I can honestly say I'm sad this is now complete... It's no longer there for me to look forwards to. I do hope you expand on your universe, Jetfire. It's incredible.
ReplyDeleteThis was a blast to read, and you did a great job of keeping the characters consistent while expanding their world and introducing elements that made them grow. The snake fight scene reminded me heavily of "Shadow of the Colossus", and even though I knew a Deus ex Machina would be put into play, I was still happy to see "Twilight" appear right the fuck out of nowhere. And the ending was really quite lovely (sort of like the ending of "The Hobbit").
ReplyDeleteBut I really hope you follow up with a sequel concerning that giant snake. I'm thinking that if you do a trilogy, you could have the second be where the other three Elements gain more wisdom concerning their powers while performing another quest (what that quest will be is entirely up to you), and the final tale will be of all six in full control of their powers and using said powers to defeat that snake once and for all. Now *that* would be a fun little trilogy. But you deserve a break, Jetfire. You've gotten to a great start with this tale, and I look forward to seeing you grow as a writer, not only on this site but beyond as well.
@Jetfire
ReplyDeleteMakes sense, i kinda played that music in my head a few times as well while reading.
Amazing work! Im just sad now that its over.
This is me after reading the fanfic:
ReplyDelete"OOOMMGGGG WDIOAJCOAWUCNAWVNJSDCFNASUANUIONSAPCJAICNCNJNSKJCNASKDWDJANCANNJWOPIMAWDAUIAHKCN SOOO FUUCCKIIINNGGG AWWEESOOOMMEEEEEE!! AAGGHHHH *explodes*"
You may take all my money now, along with all my internets. I don't need them anymore. XD
*applauds, manly tears streaming down his face* Bravo! BRAVO! Bravissimo! Well done! Well done, indeed!
ReplyDeleteThis was such an amazing story. Thank you so much for writing this. It truly touched my heart! I can only imagine the pure jubilation everypony experienced at the end. I don't think there are words strong enough to express the pure and utter joy! :D
All that said...with Fala's words...one must wonder what will become of the World Snake....
HOLY FUCKING FRIENDSHIP MAGIC (batman)!!!!!!!!!!! THIS WAS THE MOST AMAZING MANLIEST THING I EVER READ AND THE ENDING WAS OMGWTFBBQ BOSS!!!!! DKFGYRTHGVOFIOUNYRTWVPU5HT TOO GOOD FOR WORDS!!!
ReplyDeleteGood Sir, it is now 8:30 in the morning where I sit and I did not go to bed at all last night because I was so engrossed in your fine story. Thank you for writing such a beautiful, descriptive, emotive and all-around EPIC tale.
ReplyDelete*slow Citizen Kane Clap*
ReplyDeleteDamn You Good Sir. You've further cemented my status as a Brony by bringing true HUMAN characterization and drama to a story about fucking ponies....I stand in awe of your writing ability and talent and now must question if your ass is getting paid to write for a living, cause if it's not, it's gonna.
HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK HOLY FUCK, When I saw two chapters come out at one I was like, "BAHAHAHA", then i saw complete and cried.
ReplyDeleteI wish you nothing but success and money and happiness and friendship in life my fellow brony!!!!!!
Congratulations on finishing the greatest fanfic on this site! Your writing is nothing short of incredible - your characters are brilliant and what you've done to expand this world of ponies and magic is just amazing. I hope to see more writing from you in the future (maybe a sequel?) but for now take a breather, you've earned it. Thank you for this unbelievably awesome story!
ReplyDeleteAn utterly indescribable story. I can't- I don't even - aaaaaahhhh.
ReplyDeleteBut what is to become of the World Snake now that it is freed?
I cannot believe this is over! I only started reading a couple of days ago, but I read through every chapter in one sitting because it was fantastic. The homages to other stories and the characters were very, very strong. I loved this, and I'd love to thank you, Jetfire, for giving me such a pleasing read.
ReplyDeleteI would love to see a continuation, to see what the gifts for Laughter, Kindness and Magic would be, and the fate of the Shimmerwood (after all, the world snake was pretty damned big), but in your own time, because I would love for it to be as excellent as this has been. Well done. :)
This fanfic is so awesome, I will start learning hackering so I can give you 6/5 stars or more.
ReplyDeleteI was dissapointed with the ending though. It felt kinda rushed.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteAnd I would discuss your opinion with you.
Where does dialog feel forced? If anything, most of it slowed way down (especially during RD/Rr scenes), and emotions and thoughts didn't need to be explicitly stated; just the words and emotions conveyed in such were enough.
I can easily see that Twilight wouldn't want to contact anyone; she's confident and doesn't like everypony to worry, and she's great friends with them to the point where the "betrayal" aspect seems fine to me. What... didn't seem likeable about that? I don't really understand.
The only character that acted differently was RD, and that was due to ridiculous levels of character development; to keep her the same as the show after Gildedale, her debates with Rarity, and Lightning control... would be a grossly innacurate display of character representation.
Also, during the world-snake, seriously, is it supposed to be a normal idea to "eat the ground and your opponent with it?" because I don't think most living things think that's a good idea. "Oh man this weed is really stuck in the ground, guess I'll eat it and the earth underneath it." It's like you scanned the combat; it wasn't explicitly after AJ, it careened into her because it was chasing RD.
Yeah, the exclamation marks... those are my ONLY issue with the prose in the last few chapters. Exclamation marks do NOT work in narration of an omniscient third or limited third. Ever, in my opinion.
Chapter 19 was fine; why do we need to know about it being brewed? What purpose is that? That's like seeing them go to the bathroom; it happens, but it isn't necessary. And it was showed plenty, all their hugging and such. I don't understand what issues you have here... especially when it was 90% dialog.
I'm really,really sad,because this wonderful story has come to an end.
ReplyDeleteEvery time i've seen an update,i was compelled to read it!
And now...
:(
I hope to see more story about the world described in this fic.You show us the world BEYOND Equestria.A big,beautiful world...
Six star are not enough.Good work,Jetfire.
WHAT AN ENDING
ReplyDeleteBRAVO, BRAVO, MAGNIFICENT
this is without a doubt the best damn thing i have read on this site BAR NONE.
you are FANTASTIC, jetfire, and deserve infinite commendations for what you've produced here.
i just can't hold it in. thank you for this experience. this has been a day well spent!!!
Congratulations on finishing a fantastic story, one of the few I longed for an update every day I came on Equestria Daily. Now is the time to read it again, and a third time after that maybe too !
ReplyDeleteI really hope you will continue to write ; there is so much to do with the universe you've created, and there are so many questions left unanswered, I really wish we'll see more of it one day.
Wow. What a ride it's been. I've thoroughly enjoyed this story from the very start, and I think you manage the rather daunting task of wrapping it all up in a satisfying manner.
ReplyDeleteIn particular, you do a great job of bringing everything the story has taught our girls back to them to help with their final confrontation with the World Snake, from Applejack standing firm to Rarity's newfound teleportation ability to Dash's lightning powers. It's all played out as big and bold and Epic as one could ask for to bring the conflict to a close. Likewise a strong choice is having Twilight come to rescue the girls after herself being saved by their efforts to get her the Beneviolet. It really does bring things full circle in its way, plus I always appreciate when characters who spend most of their respective stories victimized getting a chance to take action for themselves.
And of course, it's truly heartwarming to have our girls come home and be reunited with all their friends and families (I particularly appreciated the little moment between Applejack and Apple Bloom; I've always been very fond of that particular pairing of Sisters ^_^), with just the right sense of triumph and happiness to it. Admittedly, I found it lacked a real sense of closure, somehow; even with our trio vowing to tell their full stories to everypony else (and each other, which I did think was a clever touch), it felt a bit too unfocused for me, too drawn back to give us a real sense of the fact that this journey has ended and the attendant shock, relief, and other such emotions that go with it. That doesn't make it BAD, mind, and I'm sure my own inflated expectations play a part in this, it just means the ending's a bit less powerful than I might expect.
It's compounded by your choice to end on Celestia, a decision I find myself split on. On the one hand, I realize her lack of involvement was something you wanted to address, and in its way the very ending of the story is the perfect place to do it. On the other, I've never felt Celestia was much of a "plot-hole" to begin with, let alone one which needed to be outright addressed. On the other OTHER hand, though, I rather appreciated giving the story an ending in line with the TV Show itself, with Twilight's epic friendship report making Celestia part of this story's audience as well (again, the little wink you give to that notion is very clever), and I DEFINITELY liked seeing Celestia's reactions to hearing about the various places and characters our trio encountered on their journey. On the other other OTHER hand, the lack of closure I felt before is exacerbated by the story's decision to end on the one character who had literally nothing to do with it rather than the girls we spent so much time with over the course of its narrative. On the whole, I think you made a good decision ending it with Celestia, even if it isn't the choice I'd have made, and I very much appreciated your gracious "Thank You" at the end too. ^_^
Taken as a whole, I very much think this story's ending is very good, on the same level of excitement and emotion and excellence as the rest of the story even despite my own complaints. Indeed, now that it stands completed, I'd say "Dangerous Business" stands as one of my absolute favorite fanfictions, in "Pony" fandom or otherwise, a well-considered story made with true love and skillful plotting and characterization, clever world-building and excellent imagery. Most of all, I'm left with a sense of longing now that it's over, that unique sense of wanting more that only a story so good you want it to last forever can give.
Thank YOU, Jetfire, for such excellent work. ^_^
This is a fan-written story about multi-colored, pastel marshmallow ponies.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is the BEST story I have ever read in my entire life! Jetfire, you are an applebucking GENIUS! Thank you so much for giving us all this amazing adventure to read. You are truly amazing.
well it took all day, as i had other things to do in between chapters, but i just read it all in one sitting. HOLY CRAP THAT WAS AWESOME. YOU ARE AWESOME. YOU SHOULD FEEL AWESOME.
ReplyDeleteseriously. feelsgoodman.
Magnificent
ReplyDelete*clap* *clap* *clap*
ReplyDeleteYou sir, win the internet.
We need a 7-star rating for epicness like this.
Thanks for writing this, Jetfire.
ReplyDeleteWhatever your next project is, expect me at every one of its updates.
I admit I'd like to at least see Vignettes that come after this story, showing things like Celestia's visits to Lala and the Dale ponies, as well as various long term impact scenes
ReplyDeleteCh.16 :
ReplyDelete>Falaluaria said, her cryptic speech setting off Applejack's senses again.
-Applejack's honesty sense works like Spiderman's denger sense, at this point ;)
>“O... okay...” she said quietly. “Pegasi. Got it.” She swallowed hard.
-You heard them.
It's PEGASI ! That's not hard to remember.
... Global alteration/modification and control of the Weather system by localized actions and reactions, throught magic and its after-effects. Interesting, yes (I must say that I like to look about those stuff about climates and weathers. Read plenty about the main air and water currents, and the like, etc)...
>Rarity's eyebrows rose. It was a set of armor, the same wild green steel she'd seen on all the deerfolk
-Cool ! Rarity got a enhanced Mage Armor ;)
(and the others got a magic rope and a magic scarf ? Well, AJ already has an heavy armor and RD has super speed, so ok)
... Well, THOSE deer-elves were certainly far more interesting (once passed their ''We made everything, we 'were' everything before'' thing, of course) than those elves in LotR ...and certainly far less depressing (especially if you read the books) ...
That was awesome.... and better yet i smell sequel!! :D
ReplyDeleteStands up and give a fucking ovation cause that fic sure as hell deserved it.
ReplyDeleteI could have maybe done with slightly less LOTR in places (using Gilgalad's name stuck out like a sore thumb) but for a story like this that's such a minor quibble it's barely worth mentioning.
I know it's already been said, so I'll keep it short.
ReplyDeleteThis was one of, if not, the best fanfic here. With each chapter I would eagerly anticipate the next, and I am overjoyed by the whole experience and saddened that is finished.
Well done Jetfire! I thank you for writing this brilliant fic, and I selfishly hope you continue writing more in this fic's universe, because I would love to read it.
Definitely one of the top three fics on EQD, and I say three only because I can't possibly rank my favorites.
ReplyDeleteThank you for that awesome story. I'd love to find out more about the other elements and what happens with AJxAshtail and so on, but I entirely understand if you want to just end it there.
Glee!
I also thought it was funny that Twilight got the role of Giant Eagle Rescue Squad. Who knew?
ReplyDeleteOh, also, Twi? You might've wanted to mention the rampaging world snake in that READ ME FIRST note. Celly might want to, you know, DO something about that, maybe save Shimmerwood or at least protect its inhabitants...
There's a word that is starting to take on a kind of stigma nowadays. People either use it too often, or they're critical of people who do. The word is beginning to lose its connotation and original definition through over application. I enjoy the evolution of language, but for a student of grammar there's nothing as depressing as watching a word being stripped of all its meaning.
ReplyDeleteThat being said...
If "epic" ever rightfully described anything, this fanfic would be it.
There were a few flaws. A couple of niggling bits that made me tilt my head to one side and squint. You owe Tolkein a beer. But really? None of that matters. You have crafted a story of rare power, subtle character, and enormous heart. The evolution of these characters from the simple ponies we know and love into hardened adventurers is a true pleasure to read. There are stories that I occasionally have to force myself to read through, but this one never felt like a chore. I have hung on your every word as they dripped like honey onto a feast of action, humor, and pathos. You have achieved something great.
I mean seriously, you had Applejack headbutt a snake the size of a mountain. It doesn't get any more awesome than that.
Thank you.
I pretty much perceived the whole snake fight as a big quick time event... Hit X to grab the flower before you get thrown, waggle the sticks to open the bottle of fire, press Y to toss the flower into it...
ReplyDeleteNo, Jetfire. Thank YOU.
ReplyDeleteOkay, now that I've managed to calm down, just... OMG. I discovered this fic around ch. 10 and have been eagerly devouring it as it came out. It just... it has provided some AMAZING character development that I heartily approve of, and multiple LotR references and and and-- SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe *cough* Sorry.
ReplyDeleteBasically, best fic I've ever read. Seriously. Better than some published novels I've read. Kudos!
@The guy who mentioned the Beneviolet getting brewed
ReplyDeleteUm... It never NEEDED to be prepared or brewed. I was under the impression that all Twilight needed to do was eat the flower and boom
Ch.17 :
ReplyDelete>and when Falalauria taught you how to teleport, Rarity
-Strange ?
I recall the Queen telling about her talking to Rarity about her Element, but I'm pretty sure the ''learning to teleport like the deers'' never came up.
Off-panel talk during the night (could have mentioned it, at least) ?
>world snake
>eyes, each one bigger than an Ursa Major
>head, bigger than Canterlot
>as broad as the whole of the Everfree Forest
>ten miles or more into the sky
-Freaking what ?!
Sorry, really, but what the hell ?
''WORLD'' snake, you say, but I call shananigans on that.
I can barely think of where to start on this 'thing' ?
With dimensions like that, it's not a Colossus or even a Titan (in size), but literally a CHUNK of the planet !
With a thing of this monstruous size existing, which casually get up when you come close to pick 'flowers'... EVEN considering that it's far from Equestria and in an isolated place... when a CHUNK of the planet moves, people/ponies tend to be aware of that, at some point.
Maybe not wide-spread knowledge, but certainly at LEAST as much as the Ursas.
(That's *literally* a bit too big to swallow.)
Thank you so much for the excellent story. I love your characterization of Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. They all have strong personalities which would make spending an extended amount of time together difficult; it was really fun to see you smooth out the rough spots in their relationships. I don't know if it was intentional, but I saw some similarities to Lord of the Rings in your work, and I enjoyed them a great deal (deer as Elves - what a strangely perfect fit!). You've left yourself some obvious room for a sequel or two, so I hope to see your writing again soon.
ReplyDeleteYou've all certainly convinced me to follow through on some of my plans for stories after this, set in the same universe.
ReplyDeleteFor future reference: if a story of mine pops up, and it has the word CONTINUITY in all caps at the very top of the first page of the first chapter, it takes place in the same continuity as Dangerous Business. Any story without it takes place in a separate continuity and won't contain the plot and character elements I've built up here.
So it's done at last... hehe. So glad I picked this up as it started. My only regret is that as I write my own fanfic, yours is the fic I WISH I could match!
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the whole story, there is one thing that plagued me: Every now and then, you wrote chapters that just seemed to drag on and on and on. For instance, the chapter where our heroines meet the Gildedale ponies? That took so long to read, I stopped midway through the chapter out of annoyance. Other times, I'd just skim through paragraphs rather than read them. Not that you had this problem often--I think only two chapters really bothered me this way.
And I have one minor gripe: Rarity's speeches at the end--wouldn't those fall under Rainbow, who is supposed to inspire others through Loyalty? Then again, I've always viewed Rarity as the silver-tongued pony (thanks to Diamond Dogs), so it's not a major bug. Also, as others pointed out, we got a pissed-off Titanic Dark Falz Snake on the loose. Maybe it just goes back home, munches popcorn, watches movies and cries itself to sleep, but still.
Anyway, otherwise this is my favorite MLP fic on the Pony Citadel. Fantastic characterization and development, solid plot with healthy continuity, and between the world snake and Ashtail there's plenty of room for future fics if you so choose. It's been a pleasure!
~Recamen
For any interested... which most probably means : None...
ReplyDeleteI did some maths, nothing complicated, just to be sure...
(Plenty of sources, if anyone...no one... want to check)
-----
First, the height :
-Ch.17 states : 10miles and more, so we will say ''12 miles'' (I could surely say more, considering what AJ said 3sec later, but 12miles will do).
http://www.meteomedia.com/conversions/
12miles=19.31Km
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mount_Everest
The Everest height is :
8.85km=5.5miles
This means the ''snake'' is, at least, a bit more than TWICE the height of the Everest !
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atmosphere_of_Earth
That thing almost reach out to the second layer of the atmosphere (after 20Km) !
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pony#Characteristics
A tall pony will be about 1.5m.
19310m (W.snake) / 1.5m (tall pony) = 12873 times...
The W.snake is about 13000 times the height of a TALL pony !
-End of part about the UBER-hugeness of unbelievable height... thingy.-
---------------
Second, the ''size'' or surface area :
-Ch.17 states : As wide as the Everfree Forest.
How large does this equal ? If we suppose that Everfree is a medium-big forest... well, I'm not quite sure, so we will say somewhere between 5-10Km (7Km).
Considering that it's a ''snake'', we will use a cylinder to determine its Total Surface Area :
http://www.calculatorsoup.com/calculators/geometry-solids/cylinder.php
(r=3500m, h=19310m) We get a BIG number in m2... which we change to Km2, because it's easier to use/compare : 501.618 Km2 (502 Km2)
http://www.convertworld.com/fr/superficie/km%C2%B2.html
The W.snake occupies a surface area of 502 Km2 !
Just to give you an idea, the ''snake'' is around that size :
http://www.nationsonline.org/oneworld/countries_by_area.htm
#194 - Guam - 549 Km2
(Aerial view) http://electioninfo.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/guam2.jpg
-End of part about the UBER-hugeness of unbelievable size... thingy.-
-----
This was interesting to do... and now around 10 Anonymous and other people are about to spit various degrees of hate in this general direction... and I don't even need ''Rarity's Sight'' for that.
...even thought this was mostly done out of curiosity and partially in order to ''grasp'' the ''unrealistic-size-even-for-fiction'' of that ''World Snake''...
I'll let you in on another detail: I actually had no idea there was a Dungeons & Dragons monster called a world snake when I wrote this.
ReplyDeleteHe's based entirely on Jormungandr, the Midgard Serpent of Norse mythology, hence his truly unrealistic size.
@Jetfire
ReplyDeleteAJ got a ''snake'', weighting probably hundreds, if not thousands of tons, 13000 times her height, the 'relative' size of GUAM! ...STRAIGHT in the teeth.
And not even a single hair was harmed during the event... forgetting the 'ungodly unbelievable snake' of course. (which size seems to change from Ch.17-end to Ch.18)
Ch.17 : teeth the size of Ponyville.
Ch.18 : AJ lasso it. She apparently lassoed something the size of Ponyville ? Magic lasso, ok, but there are believable limits, no ?
What happened, honestly ? Where the Ch.18 comes from ?
From Ch.1 to Ch.17 (minus last few paragraphs, with the 'Snake') it went :
-Good, Good, Great, Great, Great, very Great, very Great (relative scale of appreciation)
...then Ch.18 Ludicrous-Speed into a wall the size of GUAM, LITERALLY!...
then Ch.19 was Good.-
That W.Snake...
It was like pulling Gozilla, multiplying 10 times its size, and placing it in Star Trek.
-Made that much sense story-wise.
And there's also, it's a minor point, when the flower is sent-1min chrono. later-*Poof* Super-Sayan Twilight, at full health, full power, and full everything. Never to be explained.
EVERY single chapters of this series were good or great or even awesome at some point, but then... ''Ch.18'' out of nowhere !
If that ''beast'' was of any relatively ''believable'' size, things would have MUCH more sense.
A ''snake'' the size of GUAM is far from any definition of ''believable''.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteNova25
In regards to the gripe about the magic lasso, I think I read that the lasso caught a notch or little part of the world snake, not the whole world snake.
SO much WIN, this Story, along with Progress and Fallout equestria and the Three Best stories ever written By ALL OF BRONYDOM!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you
*cheers*
ReplyDeleteTries to think of how to express the awesome he just read in words ... fails ... *cheers again!*
\o/
Wow... COMPLETE
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteIf you read my comment, I said ''teeth''.
Finally reading through this, not that it's complete. Only on Chapter 5 so far, but have to break pattern and leave a comment before reading through: Love the little nod to the good Samwise Gamgee with Applejack's rope. This is shaping up to be a fun story. I'm a sucker for the epic adventures.
ReplyDeleteAnd here I was thinking I could blast through this in one night. Well, I guess it's not technically morningrise yet... Time to read the last half in less than an hour, I guess! >_>
ReplyDeleteAwesome so far, loving the LOTRosity.
10/19, and oh geez, the chapters just keep getting longer... no way I'm going to finish this tonight. I am enjoying all of the Lord of the Rings nods, though. There are enough of them to make it pretty funny and obvious without becoming tiresome. The story, meanwhile, is continuing to be awesome. We'll see the rest of it later!
ReplyDeleteSo, so good! I wonder if there will be a sequel? There is surely room (perhaps even demand) in your expansion of the mythos for one, I should think, though you'd know best.
ReplyDeleteTruly, I can't think of my favorite part. Dash's dream trip and subsequent lightning infusion were so very awesome, but the Gildedale chapters were exceptionally compelling, and the Rarity section was amazingly fun for a fan of worldbuilding to read (even though I'd long since developed a headache from spending the night reading!) - honestly, I'm not sure how I'll be able to enjoy epic adventure fics after this one. Few could hope to be as rich and rewarding as yours.
If I had any criticism, it would be the slight deus ex machination that came with the ending - but really, it all fit logically enough within the story, and it was good to get a reminder of the fact that Twilight is exceptionally powerful when on her A-game. Plus, you included Nidhoggr; how can I not love that? I really do hope for a sequel; so much was left unsaid and unfinished (in a good way, don't worry!), and I'm always starved for potent writing.
Oh, and you ought to consider writing a novel if you aren't already. Based on your work here, you'd be filling an important niche in the fantasy landscape.
Holy shit, started this at 8pm, just finished it now at 12:30am, my god I never expected this to be so damned good! Have seen this fic pop up often and have never really looked at it, but decided to check out chapter one, wow, this is definately one of the few absolute top stories, up there with Fallout: Equestria. Loved it, more please! :)
ReplyDeleteSo many dangling plot lines. I might cry if this doesn't get some continuation! To name a few, Celestia and Luna not being around since the beginning of the world and all of what that might entail. The history of the entire world having so much room for interpretation. Not to mention that dangling hook on the elements of harmony and possible immortality for all the bearers.
ReplyDeleteOh boy would that be fun to see explored! We've had some fics look into the mindset of Twilight when she becomes immortal and all of her friends pass away, but to see that line of thought applied to all six of the mane cast at once? Throw in some well done emotion and character development and by Celestia you have serious story potential!
On a more localized note:
You've done characterization so well in this story. Thank you. Sometimes I think that believable and realistically motivated characters is all it takes to make a story wonderful, and this story certainly holds true!
I wish you the best and look forward to everything you produce in the future. Thank you!
Ok. I finally got around to reading the last 3 chapters. Lets get the obvious out of the way first: Awesome story, loved it to death, one of the best fics on the site, yadda yadda yadda.
ReplyDeleteNow... Chapter 18 and 19. I don't care about the size of the world snake, I truly don't. I do care, like so many others, about what happened to it after the fight. How can you just leave it there? Rarity singlehoofidly (that sounds kinda lame, but whatever) convinced Lala to let them go. To have faith in them. She was told about the millions of deaths they might cause. How is all of that swept under the table? When they get back in the library they don't even seem to care. Why doesn't Twilight inform Celestia at once? Many readers have asked this, I haven't seen you answer yet.
As for the fight itself... Rarity's role is dubious. You told us the Pronghorns can travel around the planet in a day. That means the distance from where Rainbow was to the snake should allow her to travel there almost instantaneously. Perhaps it would be hard for her to land on the snake's head. And of course in a way it makes sense for her to be the distraction, thusly leaving Rarity to collect the flower. Still, it bothers me a little. You'd think she'd be able to get the flower even quicker then Rarity, the way the unicorn was messing about. With all the stuff going on, it takes Rarity a lot of time to finally goes where she has to go. Why can't she teleport instantly? If its based on feeling she should be able to just teleport at once to the snake's head. Of course, that would me for a somewhat less exciting climax, perhaps a smaller role for Rarity. She might spend more time on the snakes' head, trying not to get thrown of maybe.
As for Celestia... I didn't really care about Twilight not telling her, trusting it would be addressed/explained sooner or later. I appreciated your attempts, but it just doesn't really make sense. As scared as Twilight is to upset the Princess, she obviously has become a bit of a mother figure for her. I simply can not see her not rush to her for support when her life is in danger, just because she is afraid of Celestia's reaction... or disappointing her for some reason, or whatever else. And Spike... He would, without a question, tell Celestia what happened, with or without Twilights consent. I have no doubt about that whatsoever.
Now, Rarity's teleporting and even Twilight not telling Celestia I can see as minor problems. They really don't bother me that much, and the rest of the story is awesome enough to ignore them. The complete disregard of the release of a world-threatening monster though, especially after Lala's speech to Rarity... That is a major, MAJOR problem and it really hurts the end of the story a lot. In my opinion anyway.
Having said all that, I do mean what I said at the beginning of the post. It was an awesome journey and I thank you a lot for allowing us to take it. I will be here for your next endeavour, you can count on it.
@Kyle
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Zecora said she just had to eat it in chapter 2. The point of the potion was to collect ambient magic over time; the beneviolet already has the magic, apparently stored in "magic cure-all" form. (Which really makes sense; in nature, the beneviolet would auto-heal itself when damaged by parasites.)
Nova, yes -- the beneviolet cured her instantly. That was what Zecora claimed, and they grabbed the most powerful beneviolet possible!
Wow, what a marvelous story you've written. It's certainly one of the longer ones for sure, but I would say that it was all worth it. It pained me greatly to stop reading around chapter 14 and go to sleep, I just simply had to know what happened next!
ReplyDeleteOh, and Rainbow Dash with lightning. Not just 20 percent cooler, no. I'd say 100% cooler. And surprisingly, it seemed in character for something she would actually want to learn (speaking of which, the story of her and Firefly was very nice characterization).
Ashtail and Applejack make a cute couple, if they can be called that at this stage. I liked their scenes together.
I will tell you, as soon as I heard Applejack had a plan, I had to get Arron Copland's Hoedown, because it felt so fitting. Even when I knew what was coming, it was still very fun to read (might have been reading about the reactions to said plan succeeding).
If there was one complaint, I would have loved to see Pinkie Pie / Fluttershy / Spike reacting to when the Beneviolet suddenly appears. That would have been neat to read about, but I guess I just have to settle for simply imagining it, huh? Really though, that's just a minor qwip.
All in all a fantastic story. Very well written, and quite enjoyable. Kudos.
Holy craaaaaaaaaap I just read this. BEST. FIC. EVER.
ReplyDeleteFinally finished the entire thing. That was excellent. A few loose ends that would probably like to be tied up, yes, but still a fantastic story.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, though, that despite all of the various Lord of the Rings nods (those were still pretty fun), the story really feels more like The Hobbit to me. A lot less high-stakes, no enormous battle scenes. Just a simple, almost personal quest. A lot more world-building and a lot less world-shattering. It was epic, yes, but not epic on the scale of the LotR trilogy.
Either way, a fantastic read. I'd be really interested in a sequel, if one ever gets written, but it stands up just fine without one. There's places to go, but nowhere that has to be gone. Can't say enough how much I enjoyed this story. Well deserving of its 6-star status.
That was a DAMN good story.
ReplyDeleteHowever, what about the world snake? Isn't it going to destroy everything?
Very nice story, 125-star rating out of 10-stars lol, once agian very nice, you definitly left it open for a sequel, although it might not seem like it and its fine with out one but if you did, it would be awesome.
ReplyDeleteIf you made a sequel you could fill in a lot of questions i had at end of story. Such as where are Applejack and Ashtail going to pick up their relationship, if they are going to take it further, etc. What happened to the World snake?; did it die, did it go back to sleep, did it kill anypony, so many questions can be asked about the snake. Also you could write about Princess Clestia and her travel to Gildedale and her vist to Lala.
Also, how Rainbow Dash and Rarity are using their newfound powers, and when all 6 ponies find out each of their powers from the Elements of Harmony.
So many things can be talked about in a sequel but aren't needed. This awesome peice of work that you have written JetFire is simply amazing and i praise you for your awesome work :) Loved the story.
If you need any ideas for a new story, just send me a email at broniesunite@ymail.com
No one else is even slightly wondering about the ''plausibility'' of (/need for) a ''snake'' the size of Guam, on a story-wise perspective ?
ReplyDelete...or how AJ was apparently able to block, without breaking a sweat, something 13000 times her 'relative' size and weighing probably several thousands of tons (depending on what kind of 'stone' the snake is made of, if he's hollow and stuff, etc)?
No one ? ...ok ?
*Insert strange music*
---------------
@Fluttershy=L33t
Those are points and details that would be quite interesting to learn about, yes. (especially about the ''W.Snake'')
More discovery and stuff about the special 'abilities' of that the Elements give would be most interesting.
@Nova25
ReplyDeleteAt first i did have to wonder why there was the W. Snake, but then agian after i had reread the story 4 times it made sense, in a hard to explain way, because it overall added suspense to the story, like when Lala (im gonna refer to the Seer deer as that, her name is hard to spell) decided not to kill them on the basis that it was better to stop a CERTAIN death compared to the POSSIBLE death of millions of ponies, and i did have to wonder how AJ didnt break a sweat when she was hit with something the size of Guam, thats some stong magic, and i know, on my previous comment i had spelled "Clestia" wrong, its Celestia. LEAVE ME ALONE YOU LURKING TROLLS!!!! <.>
@Fluttershy=L33t
ReplyDelete>LEAVE ME ALONE YOU LURKING TROLLS
-Huhhhh... I will suppose this was addressed about the ''Clestia'' thing, ok ?
About the 'excuse' for the need of a ''W.Snake'', well...
Nightmare Moon also technically threatened millions of lives when she tried to invoque the Eternal Night... and she wasn't the size of, well you get the idea now...
World Destroyers-like creatures REALLY don't need to be of absolutely Ludicrous-size, in order to be threatening.
-*Size of a (small) mountain*, there we go, it's still big and terrifying.
What make a good bad guy, or a frightening beast is how they use and ''show'' what they have and what they are capable of.
I would tend to be more fearful of a Rabbit pulverising a mountain range, than a Giant Colossus walking loudly.
Jetfire, this is honestly the best story I have ever read. Your writing is riveting, it's suspenseful, and it's just... right.
ReplyDeleteBefore I read this fic, I would skip past it thinking it was going to be stupid. When I actually got around to reading it, I realized I had been stupid for not reading it sooner. This story is an example of everything you should do in fiction, especially periodically updated fiction like this. You always put in minor details that at first glance seem insignificant, but then later to explain other things you utilize those little snippets from earlier. Bravo to you sir, for this work of art made me cry, laugh, get anxious (waiting for new chapters), and it gave me goosebumps. You stayed true to all of their personalities even with all of the character development. It even made me write this long review where I try to express all of my feelings for it on my iPod touch, meaning this story moved me so much I was willing to type this review on a tiny virtual keyboard. I look forward to any future works by you.
I'm not even done, and I have to say something about this. While reading this story, I have had to pause over and over. Sometimes, it's to clear a few tears that are blurring my vision. Other times, to wait for the nervous chills to stop pouring over my body. Others still, I find myself simply needing a moment to take in the full implications of a single sentence. This story truly deserves the word "epic"; "a long film, book, or other work portraying heroic deeds and adventures or covering an extended period of time"
ReplyDelete@Nova25
ReplyDeleteRegarding Applejack Standing Firm against the World Snake, I think it would be an appropriate place to quote "It's magic, I don't gotta explain shit".
The same can be applied for the "plausibility" of such a creature. As for the need? Who really cares. It's awesome.
That...was...I don't know what it was.
ReplyDeleteI want more, though.
So much more...
5 Stars and a Bagel.
@Nova25
ReplyDeletethe leave me alone you lurking trolls was said cause there is always that once person swho sees i typed it wrong and then wants to start a arguement with me about it. So i warned him in advance, guess it doesnt help being always paranoid.
And also Nightmare moon did threaten millions of lives but yet she was easy to defeat with elements of harmony, the W. Snake, not so much...
And also on a side note, this story has forever changed my veiws on Dash, Rarity, and AJ. And when i see them in the new episodes or even in the old episodes of FiM, i will always see the 3 as what they became in the story, even though this is just a fan made story for entertainment purposes and not from Lauren Faust and the crew, so in no way is it true for the ponies. But everytime i see them, i just classify what i have read in this awesome, emotional, and fun story as part of their history, even if they dont use lightning, teleport, have their armour, or the sigils, i think that they are just stored away, cleaned off, and no need of their newfound skills. I know its stuiped to think that but thats just how much this story has hit me. Just seemed like it was a movie you know, some of these Fan Made Stories are actually good enough to be put into a movie, ESPECIALLY this one. I have this story printed off and read part of it every night now
ReplyDeleteI could go on about what you've written, but instead, I will say this: your story covers everything that an adventure fanfic could ever hope to be. Simply superb.
ReplyDeleteI am still struggling to decide whether having read this is humbling and paralyzes me, or if it inspires me to write, myself.
Thank you. I suspect, hope and believe you'll go far.
My God... I, I don't even know what to say to this... I simply could not sleep until I read every single word! Worth it?! It's far more than worth it! I truly believe that anypony that calls him/her self a fan of literature is doing a great disservice TO themselves by not reading this if they get a chance! Never have I read such a long story with such anticipation!!! Seriously, Jetfire, this story changed my life! if I ever get the chance to meet you, I'll relish every single second!
ReplyDeletennnnnggggg oh god this is amazing why did i wait until now to read it
ReplyDeleteAlso, with all the LotR references flying around, I'm kinda surprised that nobody else noticed all the songs.
This was the first fic based off the show that I've read in entirety, and I must say, I don't think anything will ever compare to it. The characterization was spot on, and all three of the mane ponies developed in perfectly believable ways. Hell, everything you introduced in the story would fit perfectly at home in the show's mythos. You should be proud of what you've created.
ReplyDeleteRead this fanfiction on recommendation from a friend. This story is AWESOME. I've read successful books that weren't as good as this. Seriously, you gave me goosebumps during the major scenes. If you ever write a book, I'm buying it.
ReplyDeleteBest Pony fanfiction I've ever read, miles above anything else I've found. End of story.
A simply delightful and engrossing read! Enjoyed every minute of this story. ^_^
ReplyDeleteFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF–
ReplyDeleteI cried tears of epicness. This is easily the greatest piece of literature wrought by brony hands. There are many minor wrinkles(the cast never contacting Celesta, the preposterous scale of the world snake, the missing bit where millions of lives are threatened but saved), but they can be easily overlooked with everything this story did right. My only gripe is the fact that only three of the mane six got to go on a life-changing field trip.
Screw six stars. I call for seven stars, just for this.
(Sorry, just asking something from hungarian bronies about this fic)
ReplyDeleteVan itt pár magyar bronie akinek lenne kedve ezt az egészet megcsinálni flash animációval? EgyenlÅ‘re csak érdeklÅ‘dök, meg tervezgetem fejben, én sem vagyok profi a programban, szal azt hiszem jöhet bárki aki tudja valamennyire utánozni a sorozat stÃlusát(hátterek, karakterek), csak pár rövidebb rajzfilmet csináltam eddig.
@ Nova25
ReplyDeleteI've read into Norse mythology, so I understood the idea behind the world snake from the first mention Pinkie Pie made of it.
When it actually appeared, I was surprised, but I didn't see anything off about it. A world snake is supposed to be exactly as you described it - less a creature, more a chunk of the world come to life. In fact, I think it might have been scaled down a notch or two to better fit the setting!
If all else fails, go with creative licence. That sort of scale is larger than anyone can reliably comprehend, so just picture all the descriptions as exaggerated by the ponies. From their perspective, it could really have seemed like it towered miles into the sky.
I am impressed.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a shame this story doesn't grab me as well as Fallout: Equestria, but it's a delicious tale nonetheless.
I gotta say, at the first parts when they begin their adventure and cross the first mountains, I hear the theme of Rohan (from LOTR) playing in my head...
ReplyDeleteA very good read!
Yes, yes, yes! I loved this story so much. It cannot be over yet. By all the Elements of Harmony, I beg you to write more stories of this world. All the other mysterious contries to explore, the inner streangths of Twilight, Flutershy and Pinkie to explore and a whole world snake still loose on the Earth makes this story so rich for continuation. I wait with anticipation welling up in my deepest core for your further delvings into the adventures of this world you've created.
ReplyDeleteI would say "Well done" for completing this, but the number of unresolved plot threads leads me to think there might be more to this story than we've seen. For example, we still don't know what was in the cave that nearly got the girls at the beginning. For this reason, I am assuming that this is merely the first in an already incredible series, and I can't wait to see what happens next.
ReplyDeleteWow... That was amazing!
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's because I've been watching Lord of the Rings recently, but I tended to picture Guildesdale to be a lot like Rohan and the forest adjacent to it to be much like Lothlorien...
Very well-written. I loved how the journey changed all of them for the better, and I always have been a sucker for happy endings! ^^
Oh, wow... I'm so very, very impressed by this piece of literature that I can hardly find the words to express it. There's so much to say that I don't know where to begin, either - I just loved this.
ReplyDeleteI shotgunned the first fifteen chapters in two or three nights. It was difficult, not because I was tired, but because I knew I had to pace myself. And then the new chapters came out amazingly quickly... you've got an amazing talent for quality writing in a very short timespan.
Before I go on gushing, I have to mention the one thing that did sometimes rub me the wrong way - Dash's characterization. It's hard to explain, but even moments when she felt out of character only felt like the results of too-sudden character development - that is, they were obviously still on the Dash spectrum, so to speak, but the shift felt a little too sudden in some cases. Pinkie also felt a little... well, almost eerie, sometimes. She had an oracular aspect to her, especially in... was it chapter 11 when she was writing down Twilight's words?
Twilight's appearance also seemed a little anticlimactic, but there really was no other way out of that, I guess.
Back to gushing. I absolutely loved the battle against the World Snake, especially Applejack standing firm against the snake's charge. It literally gave me shivers.
Does Egophiliac know about this fic? She must be made aware. I'd like very much for her to do fanart of Applejack, Dash and Rarity as they looked at the end.
By the way, Jetfire, do you have a blog of your own or somewhere else you post your work? I'd love to have a site to subscribe to (and check obsessively) to be notified of the girls' next great adventure.
Finally, I'd like to offer my sincere thanks for writing this. Truly.
To say this was impressive would be an understatement.
ReplyDeleteAmazing stuff, Jetfire! Thank you!!!
For such a long story this is amazingly sustained, well thought-out and... do you write for the show?!
Favorite series on ED :)
ReplyDeleteThis is the greatest story on this site. You made an adventure quest themed story to the core. Amazing original lands with familiar inspirations from LOTR,character growth that was top notch that made all three characters devlop and act like they would and most of all you told a story that was gripping, ethusastic, and heartwarming.
ReplyDeleteYou my friend just created your epic masterpeice. I look to one day match your work with my own someday.
Thank You for crafting such an epic tale. I'm a little sad to see it concluded but all good things must come to an end(unfortunately), but every end does usually start a new begining.
ReplyDeleteI look forward to what ever other projects you eventually crack out be they pony or non-pony relatet(preferably pony at the moment).
The only hiccup I can spot is not prioritizing warning the Princess of the rather pissed off World Snake.
Put the more I think about it, the more I wonder is the World Snake the evil Fala warned then about or was it something else burried in the mountain range that got destroyed durring the girls battle?
Their's still plenty of mysteries afoot.
Excellent Work.
Dear Jetfire,
ReplyDelete[spoiler]
Only two things bother me: Between Rarity learning to teleport and them all having breakfast with Falalauria, Rarity tells her friends about her Sight, but not about her ability to teleport, yet Dash seems to know that out of nowhere. I believe a demonstration and some cheering are in order when they wake up for the breakfast.
Secondly, I would very much like to see Rainbow, Rarity and Applejack showing off their new found talents to their friends back in Ponyville (seriously, RD not showing her lightnings after they've came back as heroes?) It would be really nice to see AJ teaching Big Mac and fellow earth ponies to Stand Firm too, or Rarity showing Twilight that she finally mastered teleportation.
Maybe you would write an epilogue eventually?
[/spoiler]
Other than that, this is definitely the best epic length adventure I've read since "Dungeons, Dragons and a little Friendship"... except this one is actually as beautiful as "The Party Hasn't Ended" or almost as beautiful as "Twilight Sky Over Canterlot".
Still, it clearly supersedes all these stories as a full package of awesome.
Maybe one day you'd write a sequel C:
Nothing about season 2 will un-canon this for me.
ReplyDeleteGreat story, the characters felt spot on, simply amazing.
Thank you for this. It was an absolute joy to read.
ReplyDeleteThis is unfortunate.... now that i have read this i just don't know if i can rean more fanfic. I also have a bad feeling in my stomach because i am finished.
ReplyDeleteIt's simply brilliant.
As Princess Celestia so rightly said, I do love a good adventure story. And this was perhaps the finest example of the style i've read in a fanfic.
ReplyDeleteIt's...over? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, why is it over? Yes, the story itself is done, but I wasn't! I wanted to hear more of the trio's escapades, more tales of their undying courage, and then it just...ended.
You, Jetfire: I sincerely hope you remedy this situation by continuing your literary work, be it in this medium or another. Thank you tremendously for providing such a wonderful tale that has enthralled me these past few months. Words cannot express how much I have enjoyed being along for the ride.
I really enjoyed this story. I signed up to read fanfiction, but little did I know I was walking into a short novel! Excellent work throughout, occasional spelling error and bad descriptive scenes aside. This is the best adventure pic I've read for MLP... and I've read a lot.
ReplyDeleteFive. Fucking. Stars.
Wait...the world snake was left thrashing about at the top of Drakenridge. What happens to the shimmerwood that sits at the base of the Drakenridge? Does it get destroyed from the debris caused by the world snake's thrashing? was falaria correct in her vision? will she wage war against equestria?
ReplyDeletewe need a prologue
I spent well over 6 hours straight reading this a few days ago. the longest breaks I took were barely a minute long and there were only a few of them. despite this I could only get through half of the story and it was more than worth every second.
ReplyDeleteIt was an honor to take this journey through the lands west of Equestria with Rarity, AJ ,and Dash. Jetfire, you are a master storyteller and I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors- especially if you decide to make a sequel to this. (Please please please do!)
ReplyDeleteEither way, thank you for bringing this version of Friendship is Magic into existence.
Just finished.
ReplyDeleteThis story is amazing.
Stupid internet won't allow me to look Jetfire in the eye and tell them that whilst also delivering a firm congratulatory hand-shake.
I don't think internets are appropriate for award. This story made me turn a 180 on fan-fics.
+1 grateful reader
+1 amazing story
+1 Celestia Tier existence
This story is just too beautiful and perfect to be ended. Jetfire, you did an awesome job writing this fanfic and it really refreshed my imagination and my attitude to my friends somehow. Maybe I had said this before, but this story is my number one of all I read about MLP:FiM. I surely will never forget this one.
ReplyDeleteI hope to read something more from you, something similar or completely different, no matter what, I know it would be great. And now, if I may...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHY IT HAD TO END RIGHT NOOOWW??!! NOOO! I WANT THIS STORY TO GO OOOON!! D':
I don't know what to say. I think that there aren't any words which can describe how much I enjoyed reading your story.
ReplyDeleteYou kept me glued to my screen everytime you released a new chapter.
You used a wide vocabulary and your descriptions are very detailed and you managed to stick with everypony's personality very well.
If I were able to write in English as good as you do, I think I would create a story in your honor!
Thank you very much for this. I do hope you will continue to entertain us with your amazing works!
*starts clapping*
ReplyDeleteWow! Just wow!
ReplyDeleteThis has to be THE best FiM fic I've ever read! Second being "The Ballad of Twilight Sparkle"!
I loved everything about this story!
Awesome job!
@Anonymous
ReplyDelete*is frozen in place from the sheer epicness of this AWESOME story!*
Wow! Just wow! Words almost can't secribe the sheer volume of epicness this story had!
Time to comment on things from this now:
1 a.) I liked how you made Rarity (and Applejack) sing the same song that Bilbo sings when he leaves the shire in the first LOTR book ("the road goes ever on and on..."). I recognized it right at the first line!
b.) The other song that you referenced in chapter 15, I can't remember which book that one was from, at the moment.
c.) I think this was also a LOTR reference. The part where AJ, RD and Rarity are swarmed by the Daleponies. I always felt that that was like the part in The Two Towers when Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli are awarmed by the riders of Rohan. Am I right in this assumption?
I'm pretty sure there were other LOTR references in this story, but I guess I just didn't catch them all.
2.) I liked how you made Firelfy (pretty much G1 Rainbow Dash (personality-wise)) Dash's... flight coach? (Was that what she was sort of?)
That was sad how she died from extreme cold. I actually expected Dash to break down crying right there during that story! But I was surprised she managed to keep it together throughout the whole thing!
3.) The "the Dreaming" scene. This was the part where I just lost it! This was the part where manly tears were shed! Honestly! Three words why: Rainbow Dash crying!
Anyway, about the scene itself: I liked how you made the text different colours! That was pretty cool! When the pink text showed up (Firefly speaking) I thought to myself: "is she seeing Pinkie Pie in the Dreaming?" But than I thought "No, Pinkie Pie wouldn't say hi to Dash like "Hello, Dash", she would say it more like "HIIIII Dashie!""
And then, pretty much, that's when the manly tears flowed!
That whole scene was THE saddest in the whole story!
4.) Awesome little reference to the (at the time) coming Grand Galloping Gala!
5.) I was not expecting Twilight to just show up out of the blue like that! I was thinking "Are you fucking serious? She's just there, like that? That is incredible!" Honestly, I never expected that to happen!
The only part I did get just a little choked up at was at the very end when Celestia was reading the letter Twilight sent her. Especially the longer bit.
In conclusion, I actually did not expect to enjoy this story so much! It had been mentioned numerous times on Ponychan, so I thought "Might as well check it out to see what the fuss is about," (<hey that rhymed!)
And I wasn't disappointed!
This is definitely a story I would read again at some point down the road!
Now this makes me wonder when I'll see more parts for The Balld of Twilight Sparkle? I really can't wait to see how that story continues!
TL;DR - Take my internets! All of them!
I would like to add my sentiments to those above. A wonderful story - better than many a published fantasy novel I've occasioned to read. I agree with those above who said ED needs a seven-star rating, just to capture the quality of this amazingly well-crafted fanfic. This is clearly the best piece of fan fiction I've ever read - MLP or otherwise.
ReplyDeleteJetfire, I would also like to join the chorus encouraging you to continue to write in this continuity in the future. I will keep a keen eye out for your future work!
I would like to share a humorous observation that struck me way back in chapter one: if the hay in the ponies luncheon was replaced by cheese, they would be enjoying a plowman's lunch: bread, cheese and apples. So it was a traditional plowpony's lunch on Plowpony's Day, eh?
Last of all, please accept my heartfelt thanks for the joy this story has given me, Jetfire. Thank you for sharing your gift with us all.
No Jetfire... Thank YOU.
ReplyDeleteThis story was an amazing experience and I am so glad to have read it.
I almost cried when Dash met Firefly in the dreaming. It reminded me so much of Cyan's side story in FF6.
ReplyDeleteNeighples. HAHAHAHAHA so punny!
So basically the Elements of Harmony have some innate power behind them.
So wait, this happened before episode 26? Well, that's interesting...
spoiler: Wow, that beneviolet is a really fast cure...
Pinkie Pie pulls a bag of popcorn out of nowhere. I guess the Element of Laughter means that you get to laugh at the laws of phyiscs and reality.
Is Ropey going to be the new Bloomberg?
======
All in all, this was an amazing fanfic. I literally just watched this straight through, and I enjoyed every second of it. Rock on, JetFire!
Wow it's finally over. (I know its been over for a while, but I just found out. sue me.) That's one hay of an adventure.
ReplyDeleteJust finished reading this and I have to say that while I enjoyed the beginning and the middle parts the last 4 or 5 chapters just felt like whole thing was crumpling down, and last two chapters I had to force myself to read.
ReplyDeleteI can't really say what it was exactly that felt so wrong during those chapters but it was just tedious to read.
You know, thinking about this fic caused me to have an epiphany about Pinkie Pie. Now, this is just a theory that I've formulated on my own, so this might not mean anything.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, in the fic it talks about the elements of harmony and how each wielder has a gift that allows them to use the element (such as Applejack being a lie detector). It is such a great concept that made so much sense. For the life of me, however, I couldn't understand what Pinkie Pie's gift could possibly be.
Until I remembered that out of all the characters in the show, Pinkie Pie is the only one that is shown to break the laws of reality. That was part of what made her funny.
That was when I made the connection. Pinkie's gift via the element of laughter is the ability to reality warp, so she has a bigger arsenal of tactics to allow her to turn those frowns upside down!
It all made sense after I thought about it, I only wish I had realized that sooner.
Amazing story, Jetfire. Thanks for the read.
ReplyDeleteI laughed, I cried, I blushed, I friendship'd, I LIVED, I DIED, I RODE THE LIGHTNING MOTHERF---ER!!! That was incredible!! I am absolutely flabbergasted with this amazing story. It is a My Little Pony Fan-fic that easily ranks at the top of my 'best things I've ever read' list.
ReplyDeleteI brain is asplode. So much epic in a few days.
ReplyDeleteThank you so very muchly for the story, it was a very epic read. :L