• Editorial: How To Use Kirin To Heat a House

    The kirin are a resource we need to take advantage of. At least in the US, heating accounts for a tremendous amount of energy usage every winter. It is time to embrace the kirin.

    Below, we discuss strategy to keep things nice and warm during those long winter months, via the best thing to happen in the last two seasons of pony. Please enjoy this incredibly well researched post that definitely wasn't thrown together in an afternoon because I'm bored. Yep.

    Equines have a body temperature of 101F. It's a bit hotter than a human, and with the added warmth it would be possible to heat a house simply by filling it with horses. I wouldn't recommend this for obvious sanitary reasons, but it's possible if you are desperate and your electricity or gas goes out in the winter. Or if it's just cold and you are sick of dealing with it but too cheap to run your heater because prices keep going up and a pony website makes barely any money.

    Alternately we can use the Kirin, or more specifically their nirik form. If we were to set up a kirin in each room and bother them enough to turn them into a nirik, we could quickly heat a house with minimal levels of kirin. This would definitely be the most efficient as they seem to consume almost no energy to produce an astounding 2600-3000F, as evidenced by their blue flames. A few seconds of that is all that is required to make a living room nice and toasty. 




    In fact, I'd argue that this would be more efficient than burning fossil fuels, or even large array of solar panels. You can simply feed the kirin apples and other greens which are plenty sustainable. It would be like caring for an explosive dog, or large, unstable cat that can also vacuum and do the dishes.

    Of course you'd have to factor in fire proofing. Most modern homes have tile and granite kitchens, so that might be the best place to unleash your kirin after making sure you cover your cabinets with fireproof blankets. For a few hundred dollars, you should be able to safely encompass most of the kitchen with enough cheap ones off Amazon to withstand a nirik for at least 10 seconds. If you bother the kirin every 30 minutes or so, it should increase the ambient temperature of the area enough to radiate enough heat to keep it warm.

    The big question is, how to you make sure you don't bother the kirin for longer than a few seconds? We don't want a nirik walking around the house causing trouble. This would result in warmth for a little while as you deal with everything burning, but would be counter productive to long-term climate control. I'd recommend using food. Tease the kirin with her favorite meal until she niriks, keep her nirik until you feel like your living space is warm enough, then give the nirik the food. She should quickly transform back into kirin and hopefully if you timed it right, there will be minimal damage to the surrounding area. 



    The most important thing about heating with kirin, is to keep them off the internet and especially off of social media. That little outrage machine you carry around with you all day is guaranteed to produce unwanted fires. Instead, entertain your kirin with books, movies, music, and other happy things. Not only will this keep her comfortable and content, it also has the double-bonus of improving your own mental state.

    Hopefully this has been helpful for all of you kirin lovers out there. With enough practice, we can easily move to a more sustainable future thanks to everyone's favorite singing dragon horses.