• A Guide to Pony Tears - Movie Edition

    Howdy, folks! TheSlorg here. You know, the guy who often shows up during hiatuses in order to save Equestria. Or perhaps just to provide a few minutes of entertainment. Choose wisely.

    Today we're going to have another look at pony tears! Why? Because I've already counted all the tears from past seasons, and since season eight isn't over yet, we're going to dive into the movies for all the teary facts and fun. Who cried the most? Was it Rarity? It was probably Rarity. Find out more below the break!

    Before We Begin

    This isn't the first time we've covered pony tears, so we're going to get right to the point.

    Why bother counting pony tears at all? Because the characters we've come to know and love are a complicated lot, with a much larger emotional spectrum than might be expected for a show targeting the demographic that it does. Tearful moments are a part of that, and go a long way into understanding the full range of a character's personality.

    For this list I went through all four of the main Equestria Girls movies, as well as My Little Pony: The Movie 2017. I realize there is a good case for including Forgotten Friendship, or even the Movie Magic series, but those will have to wait for another time. Additionally, we need to sort out how we count the real Mane Six from the EQG Universe Mane Six. It could be argued that the pony Pinkie and the EQG Pinkie are completely different characters, and there is truth to that, technically.

    For the sake of simplicity, I will be counting both versions of each character as the same. Now, before you light the torches, it's explained that the EQG Universe is an alternate universe. Don't believe me? Princess Celestia herself says so in the first EQG movie. Go rewatch it. So technically, they're all also the exact same characters coexisting within different dimensions. Anyway, you can keep them separate if you wish, but for this list we're going with Pinkie is Pinkie is Pinkie and... I better stop now.

    As always, there may be a tear or two that I have missed, or an instance of crying that could be challenged. Feel free to let me know your take in the comments below. And now, on to the tears!

    MLP Movies Edition

    Equestria Girls - Fluttershy cries when everyone ignores her call to help out animals. The next tears don't occur until late in the movie, when Sunset Shimmer's tears evaporate in the heat of her transformation. She sheds a tear of laughter at the idea of Twilight and her friends defeating her, then cries again at her eventual defeat. Twilight Sparkle cries when she has to say goodbye to her friends. Shockingly, Applejack is the only pony to cry tears of joy when she welcomes Twilight home to Equestria. What a good pony.

    Applejack - 1
    Fluttershy - 1
    Twilight Sparkle - 1
    Sunset Shimmer - 3

    Rainbow Rocks - The first tears don't come until forty-five minutes in, when Rarity cries after her dress is torn on stage. Two minutes later, Twilight cries after receiving a scolding from Flash Sentry. Fluttershy runs off stage crying at the conclusion to Awesome as I Wanna Be. Surprisingly few tears, overall!

    Fluttershy - 1
    Rarity - 1
    Twilight Sparkle - 1

    Friendship Games - Another movie where the tears come late. Twilight cries during the archery competition when she struggles to hit a bullseye. She tears up a moment later when she accidentally steals Applejack's magic. She cries a third time when Sunset Shimmer scolds her for messing around with magic that she doesn't understand. Going for gold, she cries a fourth time when she unleashes the magic and is then consumed by it. Not satisfied with an easy win for most tears in a pony movie, she cries a fifth time upon receiving Sunset's help. It's still not enough for her though, as she completely cements her spot at the top when she cries a sixth time upon apologizing for her actions.

    Twilight Sparkle - 6

    Legend of Everfree - Once again there aren't any tears until late in the game. In fact, only two instances of tears pop up here: Timber Spruce tears up when Gloriosa Daisy is overwhelmed by Equestrian magic, and Twilight Sparkle tears up at the thought of using magic and being controlled by Midnight Sparkle again.

    Timber Spruce - 1
    Twilight Sparkle - 1

    My Little Pony: The Movie (2017) - Fluttershy comes close to crying when the ponies are captured by Captain Celaeno's crew, but she doesn't quite make it. So once again, the real tears don't start until late in the movie. Princess Skystar sheds a few underwater tears when she realizes the ponies can't stay with her. Twilight cries after snapping at Pinkie and causing her friends to leave. Pinkie comes very close herself, but manages to keep it together. A young Temptest Shadow cries in a flashback when she is abandoned by her friends. Fluttershy is shown to be crying right before the ponies learn of Twilight's capture. The Storm King wipes away a tear of laughter after seeing that Twilight hasn't been turned into a statue yet. A Storm Guard cries during the Battle for Canterlot when Fluttershy sits him down for a talk. Pinkie Pie and Applejack are the only two ponies to cry after believing that Twilight perished during the battle.

    Applejack - 1
    Fluttershy - 1
    Pinkie Pie - 1
    Princess Skystar - 1
    Storm Guard - 1
    Storm King - 1
    Tempest Shadow - 1
    Twilight Sparkle - 1

    So Who Cried the Most?
    Interestingly enough, there were very few tears to go around in the movies. As for the individual films, Sunset Shimmer wins the Equestria Girls crown with three instances, Twilight Sparkle wins both the Friendship Games and Most Tears in a Movie crowns with six instances. All the other films ended in a tie for first among all characters who cried. Let's see some grand totals among all films:

    Pinkie Pie - 1
    Princess Skystar - 1
    Rarity - 1
    Storm Guard - 1
    Storm King - 1
    Tempest Shadow - 1
    Timber Spruce - 1
    Applejack - 2
    Fluttershy - 3
    Sunset Shimmer - 3
    Twilight Sparkle - 10

    Well, this certainly isn't a surprise. 

    Much like Rarity dominating season seven with a deluge of tears, Twilight steps in and takes charge when it comes to the films, and more than triples the totals of her two runners-up: Fluttershy and Sunset Shimmer. 

    My Little Pony: The Movie (2017) was the teariest movie with eight instances, making up for exactly 32% of all the tears. The Legend of Everfree was the least-teariest with only two instances, making up a measely 8% of the tears shed.

    With only twenty-five total instances of tears throughout all five movies, there truly weren't all that many to go around. This means that all five movies combined still come in dead last when compared to the tear counts of each of the seasons. With episodes averaging 22 minutes in length, with most seasons having 26 episodes, that makes for roughly 572 minutes per season, versus 410 total minutes among the films. On average, that means that the least-teariest season (season one) had one instance of tears every 18.5 minutes, whereas the films average one instance every 16.5 minutes, so it barely outpaces season one in tears-per-minute. For reference, season seven, which is the teariest so far, averages one instance every 7 minutes.

    Grand Totals:
    While Twilight put up a good fight in the movies, Rarity had a huge lead when we last checked in. Can Twilight close the gap and come out on top? Let's have a look at the totals among all seasons and films to date.

    • Berry Punch - 1
    • Braeburn - 1
    • Breezette - 1
    • Bulk Biceps - 1
    • Brown Dragon - 1
    • Burnt Oak - 1
    • Caretaker - 1
    • Cloudy Quartz - 1
    • Cranky Doodle - 1
    • Cream Puff - 1
    • Daisy - 1
    • Dream Foal - 1
    • Fluffy Clouds - 1
    • Gabby Griffon - 1
    • Hacksaw McColt - 1
    • Harry Bear - 1
    • Lemon Hearts - 1
    • Lightning Dust - 1
    • Lily Lace - 1
    • Mane-iac - 1
    • Meadow Flower - 1
    • Mint Flower - 1
    • Mrs. Cake - 1
    • Mrs. Shy - 1
    • Noi - 1
    • Party Favor - 1
    • Pinkie Pie Clone - 1
    • Plaid Stripes - 1
    • Princess Skystar - 1
    • Queen Chrysalis - 1
    • Raspberry Beret - 1
    • Red Dragon - 1
    • Rock Hoof -1
    • Royal Guardpony - 1
    • Sable Spirit - 1
    • Seabreeze - 1
    • Seasbreeze's Wife - 1
    • Shoeshine - 1
    • SkyStinger - 1
    • Snails - 1
    • Storm Guard - 1
    • Storm King - 1
    • Sunburst - 1
    • Teddie Safari - 1
    • Tempest Shadow - 1
    • Timber Spruce - 1
    • Vera - 1
    • Windfall - 1
    • Yak Guard 1 - 1
    • Yak Guard 2 - 1
    • Zephyr Breeze - 1
    • Zipporwhill - 1
    • Angel Bunny - 2
    • Countess Coloratura - 2
    • Discord - 2
    • Gilda - 2
    • Matilda - 2
    • PiƱa Colada - 2
    • Prince Rutherford - 2
    • Scouts Honor - 2
    • Star Tracker - 2
    • Twilight Velvet - 2
    • Windy Whistles - 2
    • Big Macintosh - 3
    • Bow Hothoof - 3
    • Flurry Heart - 3
    • Grand Pear - 3
    • Lyra Heartstrings - 3
    • Moon Dancer - 3
    • Pound Cake - 3
    • Princess Luna - 3
    • Pumpkin Cake - 3
    • Snips - 3
    • Steven Magnet - 3
    • Sunset Shimmer - 3
    • Trixie - 3
    • Diamond Tiara - 4
    • Princess Cadance - 4
    • Shining Armor - 4
    • Apple Bloom - 5
    • Granny Smith - 5
    • Thorax - 5
    • Pear Butter - 6
    • Princess Celestia - 6
    • Sweetie Belle - 6
    • Scootaloo - 8
    • Spike - 17
    • Applejack - 20
    • Starlight Glimmer - 20
    • Rainbow Dash - 23
    • Fluttershy - 32
    • Pinkie Pie - 39
    • Changelings in Disguise - 40
    • Twilight Sparkle - 42
    • Rarity - 51
    And Rarity takes the crown. Again!

    While it may not be much of a surprise, it can be noted that Twilight Sparkle has ensured that Rarity only has a single digit lead now. Perhaps season eight will be the season that Rarity is dethroned? I've been counting the tears. Have you?

    All in all, the movies haven't done much to shake up the overall standings. Twilight has now surpassed the changeling horde to take a solid 2nd place. Applejack's two moments of emotion now has her tied with Starlight Glimmer in the overall totals, and it only took Sunset Shimmer one movie to tie Trixie's overall total of 3, though she hasn't cried since. Will the summer shorts make a difference? Can anyone topple Rarity? Should Applejack's moments of crying on the inside count? That's her secret... she's always crying on the inside.

    And that wraps it up! Another day, another list of tears. If you haven't seen it yet, I did the first season of boops a little while back. And yes, I most certainly counted all the boops in the movies. Keep an eye out for that soon. What other kind of Pony Guides would you like to see? List your ideas in the comments below.