• Top 10 Worst Ponies!

    You know 'em.  You love to hate 'em.  Those utterly unlovable ungulates who persistently pester our pony pals.  They are the ones to whom we assign the title Worst Pony.  Because sometimes you don't need a villain;  You just need a jerk.  But just who is the worst of the worst?

    Let's hit the bottom of the barrel after the break!

    (Also this list was made for jokes, please don't go all angry mob on me.)

    I said don't!

    Now before you get out the tar and feathers, this list isn't about characters that I, personally, don't care for, or characters I feel could have been written or executed better.  That sort of thing is always going to be subjective and everyone's answer is going to be different.  Also that kind of discussion is a bummer and nobody wants that.

    No, I'm talking about characters that were specifically made for you to not like them.  The kind of character designed from the ground up to be hateable, to invoke an immediate sense of dislike in the audience, and give you that wave of satisfaction when they get what's coming to them.  Anybody can come up with a bad character, but it takes skill to make a really good bad character.  So, let's look at which ones were the most successful at it.

    10.  Zephyr Breeze

    At the bottom (top?) of our list, we have Fluttershy's shiftless younger brother, Zephyr Breeze.  At first glance, Zeph hits all the right notes:  He's self-absorbed, rude, inconsiderate, and completely oblivious to the burden he places on his family.  Right from Jump Street he easily makes you not like him.

    However, Zephyr  is only #10 because he's not actually a Worst Pony at all.  As the episode progresses, we learn that all of his grandstanding was just a front;  a lie that he told himself about how great his life is to avoid confronting his fear of failure.  Zephyr was suffering from the same self-confidence issues that his sister used to, but instead of becoming an introvert like her he used denial as a coping mechanism.

    "Of course my sister's cool friend has a crush on me.  It's not like my life is spiraling out of control, right?  ...right?"

    Viewed in this light, Zephyr Breeze is actually quite a sympathetic character.  Hardly Worst Pony material.

    We'll forgive you for acting like a jerk, but nobody will ever forgive that man-bun.

    9.  Feather Bangs

    Here we have another character who sparks immediate revulsion, but isn't actually a Worst Pony.  Sure, Feather Bangs stood at odds with the goals of the protagonists, but there wasn't any actual hostility or animosity on his part.  Heck, he wasn't even rude about it.  

    Feather didn't do anything in that episode that Big Mac wasn't trying to do.  And considering how Big Mac's idea of wooing Sugar Belle involved trying to make out with her while she was asleep, Feather was arguably a lot better at it.

    No means no, guys.

    The only thing that earns him a spot on this list is his resemblance to a certain insufferable tween pop star.  That, and his genuinely awful pick-up lines.

    "Girl, you're like an itchy rash because you're hot and you make me uncomfortable."

    8.  Lightning Dust

    Lightning Dust has all the elements of your classic Worst Pony:  She's arrogant.  She's inconsiderate.  She actively and frequently puts other ponies in harm's way in pursuit of her own goals.  For crying out loud, she nearly killed the entire mane 6 while trying to "win" something that wasn't even a competition!

    "Good thing Equestria doesn't have criminal negligence laws, am I right?  High five!"

    She was a really well-executed bad character.  Lightning Dust is everything that was wrong with Rainbow Dash cranked up to eleven and then shoved right in Rainbow's face, forcing her to confront it.  She was there to show Rainbow the kind of path she was heading down, and to make her decide what's really important.  

    The only thing that prevents her from ranking higher (lower?) on this list is the fact that she's so darn likable.  Despite how awful she acted, and all the horrible things she did, there's still something endearing about Lightning Dust that makes her hard to hate.

    Dang it Lightning Dust, stop being so cool.  You're supposed to be a cautionary tale!

    7.  Jet Set and Upper Crust

    The ponies of Canterlot are, for the most part, all pretty terrible.  Stuck-up and judgmental, and obsessed with their social standing and keeping up appearances.  The Canterlot elite are little more than a pack of gullible, hive-minded rubes, slaves to the latest high society trend.  Think back to any episode in the whole series where the moral was about remaining true to yourself, or to not sacrifice your individuality for the sake of being popular.  Chances are whatever episode you just thought of, it was set in Canterlot.

    Nopony exemplifies that better than these two yuppie yutzes.  Jet Set and Upper Crust spent the entirety of Sweet and Elite alternating between showing utter disdain for Rarity and her friends and desperately trying to gain her approval based on the latest thing they've been instructed to like.

    "I know we spent all of yesterday mocking you and your life's work, but we can still tell people we're friends, right?"

    It's like they're incapable of independent thought.  It's ironic that they have no problem being so snobby to other ponies when the only worthwhile thing either of them ever did was be on the receiving end of a spit-take.

    You just sit there covered in secondhand fruit punch and think about what you've done.

    6.  Cherry Berry

    She knows what she did.

    5. Prince Blueblood

    The original Worst Pony.  This narcissistic nincompoop was Rarity's driving motivation throughout season 1, all the way up to the Grand Galloping Gala where he was revealed to be a thoroughly self-obsessed jerk.  He was pretty bad there, but honestly he pales in comparison to other Worst Ponies that came later.

    "What, I'm supposed to pay for myself just because I asked you here?  Ever hear of a little thing called Stallion's Rights?"

    However, his best Worst Pony-ness came not in the show, but in the comics.  The recent My Little Pony: Deviations issue shows us an alternate universe where Blueblood got sent to Ponyville to learn about friendship instead of Twilight Sparkle.  In this new, terrible timeline Blueblood proves himself to be so preposterously awful that the would-be Mane 6 choose to ally themselves with Nightmare Moon just to get rid of him.


    4.  Zesty Gourmand

    Another fine example of the Canterlot elite being the all-around worst.  Although, to Zesty's credit she's not mindlessly following trends so much as she is declaring trends to be mindlessly followed.  Of course, this led her to utterly ruin a world-famous food district by forcing every restaurant to turn into the exact same, terrible thing to stay in business just because she chooses to subsist entirely on a diet of chiclets and white-out.

    Here we see Zesty Gourmand committing the cardinal sin of upsetting a waifu.  Never mess with the waifus, Zesty.

    Zesty Gourmand exists solely to destroy other ponies' dreams.  She bursts in, stomps all over Saffron Masala's hopes and aspirations, and threatens to run her out of business if she doesn't cater to her tastes exclusively.  Which makes it all the better to see Saffron succeed in spite of Zesty's efforts.  A very effective Worst Pony, indeed.

    Also, you look like a grey alien.  Aah.  Don't.

    3. Suri Polomare

    Not many ponies are quite as successful as inspiring animosity as Suri Polomare.  The fact that she pretended to be Rarity's friend, only to turn around and stab her in the back was bad enough, but the way she had the audacity to go back just to rub Rarity's face in it afterwards really pushes her over the edge.  The writers of this episode really did a great job in making Suri seem truly awful.  They even gave her a super cute assistant to abuse just to drive the point home.

    What did I JUST say about being mean to waifus?

    Smug and shameless in her terribleness, Suri Polomare is a great example of a bad character done well.  Everything from her actions to her mannerisms just screams Worst Pony.

    If I hear you say m'kay one more time I will actually body slam you.

    2.  Svengallop

    This guy.  This freaking guy.  Now, this is top shelf Worst Pony material, right here.  Svengallop, despite having a genuinely brilliant horse pun for a name, is absolutely awful in every way.  His grating voice, his sleazy personality, his despicable treatment of every single pony he comes into contact with;  Svengallop just oozes with the aura of a complete scumbag.

    "I exploited your dreams and erased your identity, and this is the thanks I get?"

    He took advantage of Coloratura's naivety and turned her into a generic, mass produced pop diva so that he could coast on the coattails of her celebrity.  He blackmailed Pinkie Pie into waiting on him hand and foot by holding Coloratura's charity concert for ransom.  He even hates the very idea of charity and kindess!

    Stop.  Making.  Waifus.  Sad.  This isn't rocket science, guys.

    Very few ponies are as utterly loathsome as Svengallop.  Right from the get go, he makes you want to totally despise him, so that seeing him get his comeuppance feels like that much more of a satisfying triumph.  He might have been the best Worst Pony ever, if it weren't for one other...

    1.   Spoiled Rich

    Spoiled Rich is the Worst Pony.  Absolutely the worst.  100% trash horse.

    You heard me.

    There's so much I could say about how terrible she is, but really her actions speak for themselves.  Just consider this:  In one single scene, she managed to turn Diamond Tiara into a sympathetic character.

    How.  Actually how.

    In one single scene, she outdid five entire seasons of bullying and antagonizing and being generally awful in every way to make her daughter seem sad and relatable by comparison.  That's how impossibly awful Spoiled Rich is.  As far as being written to inspire an instant, driving hatred in the audience, no pony has ever done it better than Spoiled Rich  Truly, she is the Worst Pony.



    ~ The Skullivan