Thursday, January 5, 2012

Trixie Turns You Into a Pony... Equestrian Mock War



Every four years, The Great Griffon Empire and Equestria play out a massive mock war with various non-lethal weapons (Water balloons, pies, ect) to celebrate seven centuries of peace.

Unfortunately, the lack of fighting in the griffon nation has created a huge boom in population, and the ponies need more troops to really relive the epic battles of old.

Grand Archwizard Trixie has come up with a solution: summon random sapient creatures from other dimensions and transform them into ponies! What could possibly go wrong? It is HER idea after all, and Trixie is infallible. 

She is allowing you to choose a specific role for the war games:


Unicorn: The long range artillery and strategists of the battlefield. Unicorns are adept at all sorts of magic, be it supporting your fellow troops with deflection magic or attacking the enemy with (Non-lethal) telekenetic projectiles from afar.

Pegasus:  Ruling the skies, the pegusai are the primary scouts of the Equestrian military. They also play the role of assassins, summoning waves of fog that allows them to delve deep into enemy territory, where the griffon leaders are easy targets of their trusty suction cup arrows and plastic throwing knives.

Earth Pony:  What they lack in magic and aerial ability, they make up for in pure endurance. Earth ponies  hold the front line against the griffon armada,  and work as the primary siege force.  They also have groups that hang outside the battle to supply all of the combatants with food and nutrients to keep going.

So, what type of pony do you choose?

Update: Added a poll! 

704 comments:

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Jelfes said...

Pegasus, no doubt.

Ten said...

Def would be a Pegasus, to be able to fly through the clouds would be heavenly (no pun intended)

Fire15 said...

Unicorn all the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

ItsOkImAwesome said...

Pegasus. I've always wanted to fly

Vinny said...

Pegasus of course!

archiveit said...

Normally I would choose unicorn, but in a battle situation I think I would prefer to be a pegasus.

Fenrir said...

Earth Pony, someone gotta be the foot soldier.

Inconspicularity said...

What have you been smoking Seth.

daddyboom said...

Unicorn officer Ftw!
Bring those Griffons down

ShadowFox04 said...

Pegasus. Flying would be too much fun. Plus the stealth side is rather cool.

Kruegershy said...

Isn't it obvious? I'm a pegasus (although I just HAD to possess a mare who's scared of her own shadow. Just. Great.)

-Kruegershy

Kizi said...

Pegasus, flying around and sleeping in clouds just sounds so awesome!

AC said...

Unicorn. Defend the troops!

Spell Nexus said...

Unicorn, I don't want to be a pagasi against a griffon army :P

AtomicBrony said...

Earth. Hoof soldiers all the way. Heavy artillery, heavy weapons, squad assaults.

coperhawkeye said...

Unicorn , no doubt :)

Mahna said...

Earth Pony under the command of Commander Pinkie Pie.

It doesn't really matter if she is a combat unit commander or not as we get cupcakes.

ItsOkImAwesome said...

Being a unicorn seems like an extremely stressful job in this scenario

Killsteal_Wolf said...

Should honestly be a poll...

Anyway, was going to be Unicorn until I saw the Military like Pegasi in Hearth's Warming Eve. So now it is Pegasi.

Telofy said...

I read this this morning already. Déjà vu. They must’ve changed something in the matrix.

TarzantheNinja said...

Unicorn. Gonna play the support bro.

chessie2003 said...

Normally I'd choose earth pony, but for the sake of the war games I choose pegasus.

RinellaWasHere said...

Earth pony. Gtta love the guys with no powers that remain badass.

kwj said...

I want to be in the front lines Earth pony!!!!

TnT_Explosive said...

Unicorn :P It can spawn wings with magic and etc. Thanks Magic!

Samara D. said...

Pegasus. Hooves down.

Dennys said...

Earth Pony! go infanteria

fajeh said...

I guess it will be 20%-30%-50% for ep-uni-peg

Flutterfan said...

Pegasus. I am better at stealth and speed then anything else.

Ferroflux said...

Earth pony, bro! I mean, the masses are as important as the specialists. Maybe even more so!

karrotline said...

...i can be alicorn? :3

PeriBrony said...

Pegasus, kick griffon ass like altair sure sounds fun!

andmos said...

normaly i coose pegasus. I will fly

TheDoctor said...

Unicorn, no doubt. Magic would be extremely versatile, one attribute I always aim for if I can help it, and being able to back up the troops with supportive spells (healing, boosts, etc.) would prove invaluable. Not to mention it would be fun as hell.

Tiloren said...

become unicorn and make a tank with water gun

a lots of tanks

Detoxicity said...

Unicorn no questions asked. I mean come on! They are like 1 step down from alicorn god tier. Enjoy flying around controlling your weather. I'll just conjure me up some wings.

Fluttertroll said...

Pegasus
Don't even need to think about it twice... I control weather and i can fly, I'll just leave this bomb here... k thanks bai

FiftySeven said...

Pegasus would be SO AWESOME

ZAquanimus said...

Been a while since one of these.

Pegasus~

mdude009 said...

Screw all that stealthy and supporting stuff, make me a earth pony so I can go Leroy Jenkins on their asses.

pipsiscool said...

Pegasus1 I'm always an asassin when possible.

Pustulioooooo said...

Unicorn!

The amount of scouts/pegasi in this army is too damn high!

Fluttertroll said...

Unicorn lovers... remember a unicorn can only do magic affiliated with their Cutie Mark! So unless your Twilight you can't conjure your own wings :P sorry better luck next time

PoisonJoke said...

Was gonna pick Unicorn... But the 'Assassin' part of being a Pegasus sounds fun.

Then again, I'm afraid of heights... Meh, I'll get over it.

Joey Wonton said...

Earth Pony.
Just to smash the hell outa them griffons. Like I don't normally go for the warrior type, but, damn I feel like hitting something.

AFBlue said...

I would have to commit ritualistic suicide if I chose anything but pegasus. Sad there's no mention of Mobility/Airlift, though. Inserting a troop of unicorns or earth ponies behind enemy lines could cause some serious mayhem. Mmm, strategy.

leaflet757 said...

Earth pony. Whenever I go airsofting with friends I am always there on the front line. NO GUTS NO GLORY!!!

Defcon said...

Earth pony, weathering the "storm" is a rite of ascension. All so cracking some skulls is a bonus.. guess i'd have to just live with hitting people with pool noodles or something...

pipsiscool said...

@pipsiscool oops...

Pegasus!

Rowan said...

Normally I'd say Pegasus, but given how many are already saying that, I'm going with Earth Pony because *somepony* has to hold the line/play tank.

Harwick said...

Well, given those descriptions, what I'd choose would be a Pegasus Pony. I mean, c'mon.

I have little doubt that I'd actually end up being an Earth Pony, though. I'm just not magical enough for the other two groups.

Canvas Wolf Doll said...

pegasus. always pegasus. seems like the most fun of the ponies.

Dwarfyz said...

EVERY TYPE OF PONY
or alternatively an Unicorn

LoneWolfCutieMark said...

I'd say Pegasus but the Earth Pony job just sounds... cooler, ya know?

So clip my wing and call me an Earth Pony!

HeroInferno said...

Pegasus easily, I'm always a charge into danger type of guy.
FEEL THE PRINCESSES DIVINE WRATH!

Syntax said...

Unicorn. I have always been a lover of everything magic so being able to wield it? Hell Yes. To arms my fellow Bronies to Arms! To Night We Dine in EQUESTRIA!!

carback99 said...

earth pony i awlays want to run in 4 legs

Joey Wonton said...

So I just finished watching some battle epic, so right now I'm really feeling the epic battles vibe and cannot get out the feeling and image of awe in my head when it comes to some battle like this. GYARGH.

colt45ws said...

Where I am needed.

Batty Gloom said...

A bat-winged pegasus, of course.

Zubias said...

Earth Pony, gotta go with my real military training of field cooking :D Would love to be a Pegasus though.

iisaw said...

You!
Knee!
Corn!

I have a great spell for a massive water-baloon cluster bomb!

Sanguinity said...

Unicorn, of course. Magic FTW!

SirGoldfish said...

Pegasus I love the idea of stealth

Acriaos said...

I'm more of a strategist, so: Unicorn!

Marcusfenix102 said...

Earth Pony for me.

while they lack in anything special, they make up
for being resilient and strong.

ELT said...

EARTH PONY!

Like a bawss B]

ADavidO1987 said...

Earth Pony. Because that's how I roll.

lance said...

Earth pony all the way. I'm scared of heights so no pegasi, and unicorns are too.... Posh. Also I prefer being the psycho that charges in first

Adder1 said...

Unicorn. Totally.

FredFredNineNine said...

Earth Pony. Although I would like to use magic, I am the type of person who likes to be in the thick of non-lethal fighting with non-lethal weapons

Dantes_Grill said...

Pegasus i guess... didn't get what this is all about though =/

Masquerade said...

Pegasus.
I'm a boss when it comes to throwing knives.

n1ghtmar3 said...

Pegasus, because knowledge is power, and we can see everything!

Rodman said...

Lets see, do I want to Tank, DPS, or just support.

Unicorn for me.

Adersick said...

Earth Pony, no doubt.

Luxin_Nocte said...

I'll take telekinetic powers over flight/strength any time! So, Unicorn.

jack said...

earth pony. strength always wins for me

Nuwisha said...

Unicorn, it the artillery that wins the war after all :3

Jimperator said...

Pegasus. I like the idea of being the tip of the spear.

DonSerrot said...

Pegasus FTW! There is no other option for me!

the invincible said...

I would say Unicorn. That way I could still pick stuff up without having to use my mouth.

TheManWithTwoNames said...

Mud -- er, I mean Earth Ponies!

Applejack said...

Earth Pony. Its customary for Applejack!

Tristan said...

Wow. We're really short on Earth Ponies.

That seems like it might be a bad thing.

VRBrony said...

Earth Pony. We need more forces for the infantry. Anyway it takes serious guts and skill for Earth Ponies to take on Griffons.

ZeroHero said...

I am totally going to be a Pegasus assassin for the Equestian Army.

Just tell who my target is, and the job will be done. ;)

Kaijyuu said...

*comic book guy*


Excuse me, but griffons are explicitly stated to be RARE! Rarity said so in Griffon The Brushoff. I do not believe that them having an empire, much less it being overpopulated, fits with canon!

*end comic book guy*


Pegasus, probably. I'd go squeeing off into the sunset rather than participate, though.

Kyso said...

Earth Pony. I think I would enjoy the challenge, and the humbling experience of being amongst Pegasi and Unicorns while I find my place.

Foxbadger said...

Despite my love of airborne combat, I have to go Earth pony on this one. I'm the worst assassin on the planet, you'd be better off sticking me on the front with a platoon.

Stalking_Z0mbie said...

i just want to watch the war from afar so i'll remain human lol

Anton Koffield said...

Unicorn. Arty is fun, and I'd cheat my way into flying...woot for magic wings.

D. Shadows said...

Sapient creatures? Is that implying my being a monster means I can't join the war?

On the other hand I can't actually see myself as a pony. If anything I'd go with magic and use that to give myself the ability to fly. I'd be a supposedly evil Earth AliPegaCorn.

Texas Almkrona said...

Earth Pony. No questions asked. We are the backbone of the bloody nation. And we have 4th wall breaking powers.

SuperFlaaffy said...

I wanna be an Earth pony. Not because all my favorite characters are earth ponies or anything...of course not...

D. Shadows said...

Also note that Earth AliPegaCorns have two horns and four wigns making it near impossible for the occupant to do anything but be a spectator.

Applenapper said...

Earth Pony, Someone needs to be in the midst of it all.

The illusive brony said...

Pegasus assassins would be amazing, so I have to choose Pegasus.

cpbrony said...

Unicorn. Plus if I needed to I could use a spell like Twilight used with Rarity if I needed temporary wings. GO MAGIC!!!

CTVulpin said...

The poll's not showing much earth pony love :(

Flutterweired said...

Unicorn sniper hells yeah

Anton Koffield said...

@Fluttertroll

Unless of course, the Unicorn in question is (A) A gear head capable of building artificial wings or (B) their talent is magic.

Cyl said...

As someone who does mock battles (I play dagorhir which uses foam swords and stuff) I am all for this!

Normally I'd choose earth pony but I would really want to get into an arial dogfight with a griffon.

Plus I'm more for throwing/shooting things.

NotTheAverageOne said...

Pegasus, so I could run away and hide :)
A war is not something i would like to take part in, even a mock one. (I'm so boring, lol)

Stargazer said...

1: Trixie has best ideas!
2: Earth pony (as boring as it looks, it sounds like I'm good at smashing things)!

Scribejay said...

Pegasus, seems like flying would be useful in a mock war against griffons.

CMH Project said...

Unicorn. long range artillery and strategists..what do I need more?

akiv12801 said...

Definitely a Pegasus. I'm an amazing assassin. Plus, I've always wanted to fly. Being able to fight in the skies also means head to head combat with the Griffons.

Oryutzen said...

Unicorn.
Grabbing a griffon and throwing him around with telekinesis sounds like a lot of fun.

Mr. A.J. said...

Earth Pony. You guys remember this is only a mock battle right?

Octavia said...

Well, as most know, I'm an Earth pony. But I wouldn't mind being a unicorn. :) I'm guessing most would pick unicorn since so many people like the idea of being able to use magic. lol

I like this idea Trixie. To quote Picard: "Make it so!"

Ragneki5880 said...

Oh the tragedy of war, I'm allergic to nuts.

Tiuqu said...

"Unicorn: The long range artillery and strategists of the battlefield."

Sniper Mage, AWWWW YEAH!

Ravey said...

A unicorn, magic and strategy? I'M IN.

Zay-el said...

Earth Pony. GET BEHIND ME, I'LL TANK THEM!!

Menelaus Redz said...

While I do like the artillery aspect I am going to have to go with Pegasus on this one.

RX-77 [ITA] said...

Earth pony for resupplying teams.

Shadow Heart said...

Unicorn. I have experiance already as an ex-strategist for the Equastrian Liberation Army

the invincible said...

Just so everyone knows, I'm not opposed to the idea of being an earth pony; everyone knows it's the ground troops that make it all happen. I just wouldn't like the lack of functioning hands, having to use my mouth every time I need to grab or hold something. That's kinda gross. That's why I picked unicorn.

Cloudhammer said...

Earth Pony. Sure being a pegasus is neat, and unicorns do help with long-range offensive ability and medical work, but you need hooves on the ground to take and hold territory, and Earth Ponies can do that better than anypony else

Trippn said...

Pegasus. I'd want to fly that's the only reason.

CosmicJester said...

Earth for sure, gotta love the adaptability and strength they bring.

Jordan said...

Earth pony, because you can stay to the sidelines and provide food and stuff.

Nykkes64 said...

Between earth ponies and unicorn ponies..... never mind, I'm an EARTH PONY, in which began its original traditions of winter wrap up as well as other activities in Equestria.

Vinnyboiler said...

I would love to be a Pegasus. Just that feeling of flying, it would just seem like an awesome experience.

Nyxilis said...

Unicorn, then you're only limited by your imagination and will to learn.

Hmhya said...

Definitely Pegasus! A flying scout/assassin that can summon the weather? Sign me up!!!

Anonymoose said...

Earth pony! HOLD THE FRONT LINE GENTS

Boomerang503 said...

Pegasus. I already have experience in flight simulators and an actual biplane, so I already have a feel for the air.

tsubakainoue said...

I must say that Snips and Snails look 20% more manly.

Shantara said...

Unicorn. With strong enough telekinesis you can fly just fine.

Belgarath said...

earth pony....Front line infantry.

gato said...

tl;dr lol

But I read about the classes, and in RPG's I'm usually the guy who carries a big sword and runs around screaming "LEEEEROOOOOOYYY JEEEEEENNNNKIIIIIIIIIIIINS" or something less memetic...

So I guess I'm an earth pony.

FreezingShock said...

While I'd probably be a far better unicorn, flying is just too awesome, so I'll have to go with Pegasus.

Harwick said...

As I mentioned above, I see myself as most likely being an Earth Pony if I were any kind. But if I'm choosing, and I'm fighting an enemy where *every single soldier* in the enemy forces has wings, then being a ground troop seems both stupid, pointless and likely to end badly. (Admittedly in this case only water-balloon-to-the-head badly, but still.)

Infantry vs. massive aerial assault isn't much of a fair fight.

statoose said...

I'll take Pegasus. I've always wanted to fly, and Tactical Scout and Assassin sounds like a role I'd enjoy :D

Evya said...

Pegasus, definitly.

Tyranoman said...

I would say Unicorn but looking at the comments I think were kinda lacking in Frontline infantry!
So Earth pony. ^^

MyBoyJ said...

Pegasus. I've always wanted to fly and stealthy assassination is my style. Although something about "pony assassin" doesn't sound right, even if it is just a game.

C-Puff said...

For reasons I don't really understand I always consider myself a pegasus :| Why I have no idea since it's not like I like them more than the others or anything.

*scans comments* ..it seems I am not being very original ^^;

Sandman said...

Human, I'd be selling pies and water balloons to both sides.

Invi said...

Earth Pony! somepony needs to hold the frontline and i feel comfortable with this task :)

palaminopegasus said...

@Harwick
Makes sense. A unicorns and pegasi would most likely be the soldiers, medics and scouts. I would imagine the Earth ponies would provide food and could work the catapaults

Sgt. Pepper said...

I'd have to say Pegasus, just because I've always wanted to fly and those clouds look so fluffy!

Eclipse said...

I've always enjoyed playing the assassin role in games where it was possible, and flying is awesome, so the pegasus is the pony for me.

canitnerd said...

Equestrian Skyguard gogogooggoog

Sgt. Pepper said...

I'd have to say Pegasus, just because I've always wanted to fly and those clouds look so fluffy!

Facelessguru said...

Unicorn! without hesitation!
the world will be in awe as i out 'FLANK' all our 'NEIGH'bors as my soldiers trot to victory.

Salen Stormwing said...

The Stormwing will fly the skies, and show those griffons a thing or two about fighting in the skies! Or... I'd probably get stuck hiding inside storm clouds, sneaking around the sky. No, don't pay attention to that cardboard box-shaped storm cloud. Nothing to see here.

Trayhunter said...

Pegasus! The ability to fly + my affection for stealthy types just are all the reasons I'd need. :D

Michael Lewis said...

Unicorn, for the shear fact that they are more versatile.

mistal said...

Usually I would pick Unicorn but this time I'll pick Earth pony, since we needs more Earth ponies! ;)

The Lovely Penguin said...

While I generally like playing as the big/strong characters in fighting games, I think I'd rather be a unicorn, as I also really like the ability to use magic.

Beige Monkfish said...

I'd probably prefer to be a pegasus, or maybe a unicorn, but I've for some reason always assumed I'd be an earth pony, so I'll go with that.

Big Love said...

Earth Pony for me. I made my ponysona (that's what the cool kids call 'em right?) a earth pony cause that just seemed to fit me best. So there ya go. I wish I could be a flyer or be able to use magic, but that just ain't me. I'll serve and do my best as an earth pony.

ftfc said...

Unicorn for me. I LOVE magic.
Reminds me of the anime Dog Days. They have mock fights for power and money. all in a friendly matter!

Absulus said...

Hmmm...
Pegasis can fly.
Unicorns use magic.
But Earth ponies have a speciality.
They grow all of the food.
Suppliers.
Someone need to feed the machine with food and nutrients to keep going.
So Earth pony.

ShadowMario16 said...

I'd go for Pegasus. It would be awesome to fly and be in control of the weather.

Octave said...

Now, in any other case I would say unicorn, no hesitation. But plastic throwing knives? I can't say no to that.

Dyxid said...

Earth pony, of course.

Royal Brisk said...

I would be a Unicorn for sure. I'm not fond of close-range combat personally. Even less fond knowing it's against griffons. I'll stay in the back helping with long range shots and healing the injured.

Strategy is something I'd like to help with but probably not my strong suit.

Nightmare Moon said...

Unicorn. I'm more of a support pony, and even though I wouldn't have say, Twilight Sparkle's level of magic, having some mundane magic to hold things and such would be nice.

Unknown said...

pegasus, purely so I could fly! seriously, I'd be goofing off more in the skies than warring.

Wolf_in_Herd said...

Looks like I'm becoming an Unicorn

Gwriterk said...

So hard to choose between unicorn and pegasus. I've always wanted magic, but flying is a dream, too. So I guess I'd have to say pegasus...

Unknown said...

Earth Pony all the way. Pegasi are sissies and unicorns are cowards.

terrycloth said...

So... do we get turned back afterwards?

Ren Azarith said...

This was actually a tough question, I mean unicorn you have magic the ability of levitation and various other things, a Pegasus the ability to fly and control weather not to mention agility, and lastly earth pony for their resilience and strength. Given the option though, I think I would choose the elusive strategist Pegasus because I go where I'm needed. Although unicorn runs a close second, I mean come on MAGIC.

Rarodar said...

Trixie is going to turn me into a pony? I AM READY!

normally i would be alicorn, becuase im sercretly a dragon. but if these are the only choices i see myself as a unicorn, i would so be a master of magic.

Pojo458 said...

Probably a unicorn loremaster/tactician to help

Neth said...

The soldiers of Pegasopolis are not amused, we shall rule the denizens of Unicornia soon enough. To arms!

Greenf0x said...

Pegasus, Duuuh. Why would you want to be anything else.

Baron said...

Pegasus. Fast movement and aerial warfare is key to countering the griffon attack.

epicdarkwizard12 said...

So far Equestria's chances don't look to good. We have way to many scouts and support and not enough ponies on the front line

Desert Rose said...

The skies are key to victory

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