Saturday, July 16, 2011

Story: Origins: Rainbow Dash

[Normal][Sad]


Author: The Owl
Description: We all know who Rainbow Dash as a top athlete, but what made her that way? A tale of loss and self-discovery.
Origins: Rainbow Dash

Additional Tags: Short, family, battle, action, death

22 comments:

Gypsy said...

FIRST...

my life is now forfeit

Anonymous said...

Second

Anonymous said...

third

Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony said...

For a second I read this as "A tale of Fear and Loathing". I thought I was finally about to get my Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas crossover fic. :(

MrTanokki said...

c-c-combo breaker!

leaflet757 said...

definately has potential but i think its a wii bit underdeveloped...

Nick said...

Nothing amazing, but decent. I'd really like to see this get reworked to be more descriptive and better paced. As it was, I couldn't really get as emotionally invested as I should have been.

Solid entry, though.

Tamar said...

@Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony

So write your fear and loathing fic!

Anonymous said...

Brought a tear to my eye, good sir. I can't really find anything wrong with the story; you did an excellent job.

Whiteout said...

@Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony

That could be amazing, but I don't think I'm crazy enough to write it.

Great image of Pinkie in a bucket hat and aviators floating around somewhere, though.

Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony said...

@Tamar
I have better things to do, like going to San Fernando and joining a Psychedelic Band.

Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony said...

@Whiteout
If the guys who writes it with Pinkie, they're going to have to explain how somebody kicked their boy-parts through the internet.

Lily said...

@Whiteout

what image of pinkie? THAT i gotta see.

Doc Steedly said...

My Favorite Rainbow Dash picture!!

I can't wait to read this story, but their is a Que list before it I have to plow through LOL

TenchiFreak5 said...

The story moved along too fast. It really could have used more expansion, especially in the first two chapters. As it was, the story was basically dragged through the events that took place rather than flowing smoothly from one to another.

It got a bit better in Chapter 4 and the Epilogue, but it was still moving a bit too quickly.

Bronyboy said...

@Tamar
We can't stop here! This is Pony Country!

Anonymous said...

why does everything have to be so sad!??!?!?! :C

The Owl said...

Thank you so much for your feedback, everybody! I've noticed that a lot of you are saying that it's very fast, and that's because I am (to be frank) *not very good* at describing actions. You'll probably notice that in almost all of the story, the character being followed (At first Blue Bolt and then Rainbow Dash) are on their own a lot... I wanted to try and tell a story which didn't rely on conversations to succeed. Turns out it's harder than I thought, ha, which is why they're talking to themselves a lot. I might re-visit the plot once I'm better at writing, I quite like it.

bronydash said...

That was beautiful. I'll admit it, I cried.

RevanShaan said...

So this looks interesting, but i'm torn on if I should read it or not. Sad rainbow dash makes Revan sad.

RevanShaan said...

K, I read it. And I loved it.

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