Nothing amazing, but decent. I'd really like to see this get reworked to be more descriptive and better paced. As it was, I couldn't really get as emotionally invested as I should have been.
The story moved along too fast. It really could have used more expansion, especially in the first two chapters. As it was, the story was basically dragged through the events that took place rather than flowing smoothly from one to another.
It got a bit better in Chapter 4 and the Epilogue, but it was still moving a bit too quickly.
Thank you so much for your feedback, everybody! I've noticed that a lot of you are saying that it's very fast, and that's because I am (to be frank) *not very good* at describing actions. You'll probably notice that in almost all of the story, the character being followed (At first Blue Bolt and then Rainbow Dash) are on their own a lot... I wanted to try and tell a story which didn't rely on conversations to succeed. Turns out it's harder than I thought, ha, which is why they're talking to themselves a lot. I might re-visit the plot once I'm better at writing, I quite like it.
22 comments:
FIRST...
my life is now forfeit
Second
third
For a second I read this as "A tale of Fear and Loathing". I thought I was finally about to get my Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas crossover fic. :(
c-c-combo breaker!
definately has potential but i think its a wii bit underdeveloped...
Nothing amazing, but decent. I'd really like to see this get reworked to be more descriptive and better paced. As it was, I couldn't really get as emotionally invested as I should have been.
Solid entry, though.
@Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony
So write your fear and loathing fic!
Brought a tear to my eye, good sir. I can't really find anything wrong with the story; you did an excellent job.
@Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony
That could be amazing, but I don't think I'm crazy enough to write it.
Great image of Pinkie in a bucket hat and aviators floating around somewhere, though.
@Tamar
I have better things to do, like going to San Fernando and joining a Psychedelic Band.
@Whiteout
If the guys who writes it with Pinkie, they're going to have to explain how somebody kicked their boy-parts through the internet.
@Whiteout
what image of pinkie? THAT i gotta see.
NAYC!!!
My Favorite Rainbow Dash picture!!
I can't wait to read this story, but their is a Que list before it I have to plow through LOL
The story moved along too fast. It really could have used more expansion, especially in the first two chapters. As it was, the story was basically dragged through the events that took place rather than flowing smoothly from one to another.
It got a bit better in Chapter 4 and the Epilogue, but it was still moving a bit too quickly.
@Tamar
We can't stop here! This is Pony Country!
why does everything have to be so sad!??!?!?! :C
Thank you so much for your feedback, everybody! I've noticed that a lot of you are saying that it's very fast, and that's because I am (to be frank) *not very good* at describing actions. You'll probably notice that in almost all of the story, the character being followed (At first Blue Bolt and then Rainbow Dash) are on their own a lot... I wanted to try and tell a story which didn't rely on conversations to succeed. Turns out it's harder than I thought, ha, which is why they're talking to themselves a lot. I might re-visit the plot once I'm better at writing, I quite like it.
That was beautiful. I'll admit it, I cried.
So this looks interesting, but i'm torn on if I should read it or not. Sad rainbow dash makes Revan sad.
K, I read it. And I loved it.
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