Author: Thangol
Description: Rainbow Dash has an embarrassing secret that Twilight tries to help her with.Through A Glass Derply
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Story: Through A Glass Derply
Author: Thangol
Author: Thangol
19 comments:
Raining muffins? snowflakes that float up... Derpy is just awesome.
This is why I like the Normal stories. It's more life lessons and friendship, and less LOL SECKS.
This was great! I felt it was a little fast towards the end, but it was still very entertaining to read. 5 stars.
I liked this, but I'd also like to offer a few suggestions.
At some points it was pretty obvious you were using a thesaurus- not that there's anything wrong with bigger words, but there was more than one place where you used one and it stuck out like a sore hoof. This happened more in the beginning than anywhere else.
The story was also a bit scatterbrained in it's presentation. Like someone above me mentioned, it did get a bit rushed toward the end. Try next time to slow down and keep the pace you started with.
Also, in your first paragraph you made a mention to a 'she' doing something before we knew it was Twilight. Try to name our viewpoint character immediately to avoid confusion.
None of these things broke the story, though. I'd give it 3.75/5 muffins.
Having to get glasses always sucks if you're the cool one. At least Twilight helped with a good alternative in the end!
Very fun read, I liked it.
Yay, all of my Order of the Stick buddies are slowly making their presence felt. Soon we shall rule absolutely nothing. Congrats on netting a larger audience, Thanqol.
hehe, I went through the same thing when I got glasses.
This was pretty good. It was disorganized a bit, but the overall story was very well done.
It was a nice enough story, but a bit scattered. It jumped around so much that I often had no idea what was going on.
I feel like I missed half the story.
Normal stories are sometimes the best stories.
A bit disorganized, but a very good lesson to be learned at the end. Well done!
>Dash with glasses
...I might just have to try to take a stab at drawing that.
I agree with Pacce, I found myself wondering if this was a sequel or a reference to something.
Dunno what Twilight's complaining about- Muffin Season would be GREAT.
At one point, you mentioned Dash having HANDS, though, so you might want to change that.
...That is an awesome title. I should have thought of that one, dammmit.
Gotta read this one now.
Not bad. I thought the way it ended was fairly cute.
>Rainbow Dash
>Glasses
My life is now complete.
Darn it! Spelled my name wrong!
Thanks for the comments and feedback!
> At some points it was pretty obvious you were using a thesaurus
I was not actually using a thesaurus, I *was* nerding it up in the early bit because it was from Twilight's viewpoint.
> At one point, you mentioned Dash having HANDS, though, so you might want to change that.
Pony grammar is harder than I thought it would be.
> General disorganization
Yeah, I wrote this in two hours during a business lecture (the kind that was a 11th grade lecture on philosophy), so the editing is a little poor.
Thanks for the comments everyone! You are all the best.
as my vision slowly blurs year on
wearing glasses is the last thing on my mind
That was a really good normal pony story, so please write more. I do agree it jumps around a bit which makes the scanning awkward, but if you wrote it in about two hours that'll explain it, I know how easy it is to have an idea and have it fall onto the page like that. I don't know if we have a place for beta reading fanfics other than fanfiction.net, and that's rather heavy to use...
Scroll of town portal LOL
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