[Human In Equestria] [Comedy][Adventure]
Author: CardsLafter
Description:All Links after the break!
"So yeah, I'm a human. And now I'm a pony. No, that's not a joke, though I would laugh if it were. All I did was party at my place and pass out, only to wake up in Ponyville. Now you must be thinking I had one too many, and I'm right there with you. But no drunken hallucination lasts this long and whatever the case, The Nightmare seems to have a problem with me. A big one.So now, armed with my cigarettes and some cool unicorn magic, I have to fight off The Nightmare, my own Fanbronyism, and try to find the time to let the ponies give me a name. I know, I suggested getting a pony name first, but they're pretty excited about that. Not sure why. All of the ponies in this town are crazy."
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 1
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 2
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 3
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 4
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 5
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 6
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 7
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 8
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 9
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 10
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 11
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 12
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 13
Through The Eyes of Another Pony Part 14
REVISED EDITION:
Through the Eyes of Another Pony Part 1
Through the Eyes of Another Pony Part 2
Through the Eyes of Another Pony Part 3
Through the Eyes of Another Pony Part 4
Through the Eyes of Another Pony Part 5 Part 1 (New!)
Through the Eyes of Another Pony Part 5 Part 2 (New!)
Through the Eyes of Another Pony Part 6 (New!)
Additional Tags: Humans Are Not Monsters, Okay? Emotional Roller Coaster
4,596 comments:
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteShe's still a bitch.
;)
Lafter, if I may, some advice.
ReplyDeleteDon't do this, I implore you not to go back and try and "fix" your earlier works.
First, try to understand that no story is ever complete or finished, ever. I'm sure you'll look back and find countless ideas and things that you could've done better and I know how painful it is to look at from a creator's perspective. But still, file those ideas away or at least realise how incredibly unproductive this always turns out.
I'm not saying ignore your earlier works completely, just rather just use it as a point of comparison for how much your writing has improved with time and for what to do and what not to do.
There's always room for improvement in subsequent chapters and parts and other stories that you write, but if you love your work then leave it be and don't try and "fix" it, at best you'll end up with a story that has a schizophrenic writing style and at absolute worst, the story will grind to a complete halt as you aim for the (pessimist incoming) futile goal of perfection.
Trying to expand the writing mid-stream usually dooms it, I have never seen a single good story that goes into that "re-write" phase, come out of it.
Just something to consider Lafter, I would really hate to see another good author and story fall into this trap, never to come out.
@GamingAwesome1
ReplyDeleteI've seen it too but I do not think that's what's happening here.
He's just upgrading the quality of the earlier chapters for the sake of consistency not some undefined standard of quality.
Also he is editing the story slightly to again keep it consistent with the current direction the story is taking, not obsessing over making it vaguely "better".
But I'm worried that it's going to turn into what I said, it happens.
ReplyDeleteI have looked at the message he left on his DeviantArt about this and it seems like he's re-writing the entire story simply to address largely inconsequential plot details.
While I'm probably misunderstanding his intention, I don't view explaining away all the cliches of a HiE story and other various plot contrivances to be nessecary (phone of ye infinite power and internet etc.) given the nature of the story, especially given the setting where "*handwave* Magic bitches" is just as good as an excuse as any.
I just generally think that it's better to keep a good thing that way, after all why go around changing it if people like the story warts and all?
Honestly, I think the progressive writing style adds somewhat to the charm, since you can look at the story as a whole and see how far it has progressed since the first few words, I'll admit that last thing is just purely my opinion and preference from a slightly pretentious viewpoint.
It's also a case of the fact that if one spends time fixing up their earlier work, reality will probably conspire somewhere along the line to ensure the series stays in re-write limbo and never gets a satisfying conclusion.
And if your story lacks a cohesive start, middle and end then your story is not complete.
@GamingAwesome1
ReplyDeleteEh. I understand your concern but don't share it.
I've seen too many fics on this and other sites go through successful rewrites without any problems.
Also he's not just randomly stopping in the middle of a story.
The rewrite is leading up to the release of the final chapter of the first book of the story.
I guess CardsLafter would rather focus on the short stories and developing the 2nd book instead of worrying about the problems with book 1 once it's complete.
Consider it a "final draft".
@GamingAwesome1
ReplyDeleteI feel ya, I really do. However, you're viewing this as a rewrite. As an author, I'm viewing this as a second draft.
See, I don't look at my fanfic like a hobby. It's more of a college project, preparing me for the professional world of literature.
Nearly every book you've ever read was rewritten at least once. Most authors do it twice or three times.
If I can't do it once, then I need to get my head out of the clouds and think of a different career path.
So that's that. I've got to do it. Not only to help move the plot forward and pave the way for Part II, but for practice and self-discovery.
There is no 'maybe I should just move forward' here. Not if I want to become a serious writer. :o
@Lafter
ReplyDeleteWell said, well said. When reading GamingAwesome1's post, I was starting to think "he has a point." But then i remembered the most recent blog post, saying you were going to pursue a career as a writer (congrats, by the way. i can't think of a more noble evolution a brony could go through). If you're really serious about this, which it sounds like you are, i doubt that some little rewrites will bog you down. If you can write through all the problems you were having earlier, than this is nothing. Keep writing, and we'll keep loving you.
(but if you stop writing, we will find you and hurt you. Keep that in mind :) ).
Also, i do know of one fic that went through a rewrite phase and survived intact: Transcendence.
Alright then, I can see you've made up your mind and are adamant about pursuing this.
ReplyDeleteI see your point but I think the difference here is that author's generally don't publish the first draft of their books to a public audience, the circumstances here are a little different.
I don't agree with you, but I understand your point and mindset. I get that changing your mind at this point is going to be nigh on impossible, so I'll just leave it at that.
Do me one favour though. Prove me wrong. Be the absolute first good fanfic to come out of that re-write phase and be better for it.
@MagicLlama
ReplyDeleteAlso, I tried searching for Transcendence and all I got was some shitty Twilight fic.
I said GOOD fanfic dammit!
@GamingAwesome1 Try Luminosity.
ReplyDelete@GamingAwesome1
ReplyDeleteTry searching on this site. EqD. It's a dramatic Scootaloo fic.
Try also Substitute Harmony, Pony Gear Solid, Crisis Equestria, and more for fics on this site that have had rewrites to varying degrees.
@GamingAwesome1
ReplyDelete;3 Fair enough. See for yourself when I release the first rewritten chapter this weekend.
@Lafter
ReplyDeleteThe first rewritten chapter is almost here?! YAY!
@Lafter
ReplyDeleteWell that was....fast. *twiddles thumbs*
Godspeed man, it's not like I want to see you crash and burn horribly just to prove my point.
Chapter one has been rewritten with over ten thousand words. It is significantly improved.
ReplyDeleteIt will be posted Saturday. :3
@Lafter
ReplyDeleteAwesome, can't wait to see it.
@magrue
Trixie is NOT A BITCH! (Yeah, that's all the argument I got... for now)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/103ceN-QYt84pSW9L7RWB1Gi2lg06xHroSLft9A6F-Ng/edit
ReplyDeleteThere ya go, my freaky darlings. :3 Have a revised Chapter One!
@Lafter
ReplyDeleteOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgoshOHMYgosh
OK, so review!
ReplyDeleteI loved it. The new intro and the overall tone was great. The characterization was 99% less awkward.
2 things changed from the original that I DID like a bit are:
1: Ge got a lid on lafter earlier, meaning a little less fanbronyism. That is both good because it makes him less annoying, and bad because it makes his freakout more taken in stride, and the freakout is what "made" the chapter originally.
2: I see you massively toned down his overprotectiveness of Equestrian innocence. I'm not sure why. Showing Twilight the phone and especially pics of humans is fine and makes WAY more sense than the original scene, but showing her pictures of herself without being concerned of generating an existential crisis... As well as not being overly concerned about using humanized swears in front of her. I do like the original's moral quandaries over the level of damage his exposure to the ponies can cause.
Toning it down I can fully appreciate but it's all but removed here.
Also they never mentioned his cutie mark in the new version. Not sure if intentional.
Otherwise, the entire chapter just makes way more logical sense and reads so much better than the original. Awesome job.
"...but damn it, I was going to try until I had an aneurysm or a spell! I was really hoping the first would happen before the second, though."
ReplyDeleteReading that carefully, I think you may have messed up the order. Or maybe it was intentional...? Yay aneurysms!
"direct their enthusiastic tendencies towards the latest generation of the My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic cartoon show."
ReplyDeleteThat should be
"the latest generation of the My Little Pony cartoon show: Friendship is Magic."
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteYEAH! Go technicalities! We can be technicality buddies!
brohoof? /)
@MagicLlama
ReplyDelete(\
Wooohoooo!
ReplyDeleteI was a bit apprehensive about the whole rewrite before I read the new chapter, I thought it would be boring after the initial read. But this has erased any doubts of that, it feels like a whole new chapter, and really shows an improvement. It was a satisfying and funny read, all the parts flow better and you don't have any jumpy actions from the characters.
ReplyDeleteAlso will this still be sent to fimfiction? Or us that unnecessary now that it's being shown here?
ReplyDelete@Avi
ReplyDeletehttp://www.fimfiction.net/story/19641/Through-The-Eyes-Of-Another-Pony
There you go.
So much spaghetti in the rewritten chapter, but seriously it was awesome sauce. Had the biggest grin on face as I was reading through it.
ReplyDelete@jingerjargon*tips non-existent hat* Thank ya kindly.
ReplyDeleteI just found out that my sister has a pony blog. And that Lafter follows it. O.o
ReplyDeleteSo, you removed the whole "fire breath" thing? Though I can see why one would forget to check their butt mark.
ReplyDelete~Appletank
ye chapter (new)1 is different from chapter (old)1
ReplyDeletethe new chapter one is actually different from old chapter one
ReplyDeleteYou will see
ReplyDeleteYou will see
ReplyDeleteYou'll see
ReplyDeleteYou will not see.
ReplyDeleteI hope it doesn't take too long to get the 'new' story up to date. I mean, is it even possible for you to decide to do this at an even BIGGER cliffhanger? Q~Q
OMG chapter 14 made me cry
ReplyDelete:o It made you cry? For realz? :o!
ReplyDeleteAlso, yes, Tyber, I know it was brutal for me to pick such a time but... I just couldn't follow through with an ending that made no sense... :3
You'll thank me before it's all over!
@LafterThat's just what David would say...
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Lafter
ReplyDeleteYeah man I was like "Nuuu, don't leave Luna hanging yo!"
Please bring him back to Equestria, as a pony, or I will be sad.
@Avi
ReplyDeleteI SEE WAT U DID THAR!
I spent 15 hours reading this non-stop (from about 11pm to about 2pm if you want to be exact) and I absolutely loved it, I told my sister about it but she didn't want to read it so I read it out loud to her. This took about a day and a half (including sleep breaks) and now we both agree:
ReplyDeleteThis last chapter is the largest cliff-hanger ever and is sad. I don't think I can take another sad attack after this, I have only recently finished reading my little Dashie for the first time after all.
@arandompenguin
ReplyDeleteYou found My Little Dashie sad?
...Hmm.
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteWhatcha mean?
@arandompenguin
ReplyDeleteThe story never struck me as sad.
I mean there were only 3 emotional parts in the story. The start where the human was depresses, but that's not sad, that's just normal. Then the part where they had a fight, but that's not sad either, it's just realistic. Then the part where she leaves, but that's also not sad, it's just life. A 20 year old leaving home to go live with her friends is not really something abnormal.
Not saying I didn't find the story cute, but I don't get why people say it's sad.
@DPV111 it's not so much the fact she had to leave as much as how. She is basically being torn out of his life and they will never be able to see each other again. Besides, it is emotional for a parent to have their child leave home no matter the situation. They may want their child to move forward, but it means they no longer get to see that child nearly as often
ReplyDelete@DPV111
ReplyDeleteJust looking back at the older comics and I see your correction on 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic cartoon show' He was correct in putting it that way round as the actual show is called 'My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic'. Maybe put some quote marks in but still correct grammar.
@Myself
ReplyDeleteI mean 'comments'. Derp, wish there were a edit button on here.
@arandompenguin
ReplyDeletePlease reread the correction.
The way the original is phrased gives the impression that prior versions of My Little Pony were also called Friendship is Magic, which they were not.
OK 2 things. First and most importantly this was a grand story that for the most part was awsome. Secound,firewall/Stephen was a compleat and total douchebag for many of the later parts involving David. Once I learned his motivation and that he's basically Equestria's god, seeing as how not only made the place but created the life within (the ponies should be thanking him for even existing!), I was was silently cheering for David. NOT YOU. True he messed up at points but Firewall has too and I for one cater to his plan to make a utopia as best he can. Also Firewall/Stephan's idea of what's right will allmost certainly result in an emotional suffing the likes of which the ponies will never recover from and that can be prevented if he just lets David get back the fucking book.
ReplyDeleteAllright I've said my piece.
@MrSpartan: Except for the fact that David is twisting the minds of and enslaving the ponies to cover up the fact the world isn't complete. He's had to literally kill his creations and recreate them many times because they've discovered the limits of the world, and to work around that, he's got their minds locked in a near robotic existence. They don't truly feel anything; their happiness, their puppy loves(they don't have true romance while under the Song of Naivete), is all programmed. Plus, you speak of Firewall forcing an emotional suffering upon them that they'll never recover from. First of all, that upheaval will just be them waking up for real, not the programmed existence they live. Second of all, it's implied that the Song of Naivete is breaking, anyway. It's going to happen, regardless of what Firewall does. The fact that David had no idea of Luna's freedom from the Song implies as such.
ReplyDeleteTL;DR: The ponies aren't alive at this point anyway, except for the ones not under the Song of Naivete. They're just programmed robots living existence forever, until they get woken up into true intelligence and sentience.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I've gotten from the last chapters, anyway. Please, correct me if I'm wrong.
@MrSpartan: Also, keep in mind that Firewall DIDN'T want the Codex's power. Recall what he did with it: 1) bring Trixie back to life after David murdered her 2) send it to Celestia and Luna.
ReplyDeleteHe doesn't have the Codex right now; Celestia and Luna do. Why not let the ponies decide what they want? Or should David make that decision for them, as well?
Lafter. Lafter. Hey, Lafter. How's the Ch. 2 rewrite coming?
ReplyDeleteDavid can and most likely would release the shackled ponies after he finished his work and each pony before hand has free will and chose to accept the pact. He never forced them to. But the first ponies he made and destroyed were even more robotic or as he said "souless" and then he's continually expanding the world's boundry but that along with making the world more compleat seems to take to long but it would eventually fix the problem but he needs the book to continue. Also the way I understood it the all current ponies DO have real feelings and intelligence. They're just supressed under the song. No different then you or me rightr after taking a sleeping pill. You mention the song breaking with Luna as evedince but she resisted the song I think because she mentally obsorbed the INTIRE INTERNET through Firewall's phone. The internet tends to take away naivete. I never said Firewall wanted the power but he did have it sent away from David and to the ponies who wont react to it well. Plus Firewall's basically giving mortals the tool to change all of their reality however the one using the book at the time sees fit instead of leaving it with David who probably made the book and is trying to perfect the world he created. You can't tell me that's a good idea can you? The last two things I'll say are that as the David didn't murder Trixie. The pact is like a smart shock coller that is set to very spacific guidlines. It hurts teh pact pony only when they directly disobay the orders the spell is set to and it hurst them even when David isn't around or aware of them breaking said orders. So David didn't murder Trixie. As for deciding what they want for themselves They have been as much as you ar I in the every day sense. Humans don't have that kind of power andither should any pony. Toomany things could go horrably wrong and I mean destruction of their entire realty wrong not just introducing unhappyness wrong. Also remember David isn't huam and knows a LOT more about whats truly happening then firewall or any of the ponies except mabey the nightmare, who Firewall was an idiot to join with by the way.
ReplyDeleteTo end this silly argument I merely need to say one thing: Matrix
ReplyDelete@Tyber: HAH! Just what I was gonna say!
ReplyDelete@MrSpartan: To be clear, I actually like David as a character. Saying "murder" was harsh of me. I'll agree that Firewall was an idiot to join with Nightmare, but at least he was trying to save Trixie, whereas David just let her die.
I do salute David for actually creating Equestria, and attempting to do the right thing. The problem is, the further he goes along, the worse he has to act to cover his mistakes.
This leads me to why I was going to bring up the Matrix: I do not believe a utopia could possibly be a true utopia if it relies on manipulating the minds of and deceiving it's inhabitants. Happiness doesn't mean anything unless you have something to compare it to, whereas, in this Equestria, the majority of the ponies are happy simply because they're TOLD they're happy. (It's why I have a theory that, in the Matrix, all the "real" humans are actually at the lower-to-mid class level. Enough to get by and live decently, but have some struggle to make ends meet. Things like third world countries are emulated, to give a sense of comparison, to allow the people to say, "Hey, at least we're not them", and take happiness in their virtual prison.)
A utopia that relies on manipulating the minds of it's inhabitants is a dystopia, the likes of 1984 and Farhenheit 451. (Ok, perhaps that's stretching it, as Equestria is a decent place to live, unlike the worlds in those books. I suppose it really is more comparable to the Matrix: the world itself is a nice place, but the truth behind it can be shocking.) Perhaps you are right about not giving the ponies omnipotent power in their world, but I think they should at least be given free will. I don't truly believe that those under the influence of the Song are truly free, but I could be mistaken.
You're probably right about the Internet shattering the Song for Luna, though, I hadn't considered that.
I myself assumed it was the internet that broke the song. It seemed the most reasonable.
ReplyDeleteFirst, YESYESYES! I don't have internet for three weeks and when I get it back the TtEoAP rewrite is up! It's like a whole new story.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, I recently had my first pony-related dream, and it took place in the TtEoAP universe. My subconscious apparently prefers it over the actual show. Well played, Lafter. Well played.
Lafter, do you enjoy making us "NUUUU!"? At this rate the story will never finish.
ReplyDeleteOh well, it's your thing, do whatever. One thing I will say, though, is that the re-write version of chapter 1 seems to take itself a lot more seriously than the original. Which... I dunno, to me, the thing that made this story really good and not a total failure was how it didn't take itself seriously at all. That said, that's my only misgiving about the revised version - as far as quality writing goes it is clearly the stronger of the two.
Apparently I have to post about waving to Pinkie. I don't see what the big deal is, I do that every time she talks to me. And some of the times I talk to her, though admittedly not many of them since if I waved every time I talked to a fictional character, my hand would fall off from exhaustion.
ReplyDeleteI have no real evidence that you are making this mistake, but Rarity does not speak in a British accent. She speaks in a Mid-Atlantic accent, and if Firewall is imitating her accent he would also do a Mid-Atlantic accent (unless of course your self-insert narrator is making a mistake you are not . . . although you did say he's just an OC now).
ReplyDeleteEnding part 1 on a bit of a cliffhanger, aren't you.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I am sad to say that I am disappointed. I don't understand what David's motivation was for implicitly telling Firewall that everything else he had said was a lie, and I don't understand why Firewall didn't catch it. Seriously, there is practically nothing we thought we knew at that point that is consistent with David having created Equestria based on the show, and there's no reason that firewall should have missed it. Everything just happening to synch up with the show over a thousand years after the world's creation is a pretty hard pill to swallow, and if we assume he was deliberately guiding everything to happen the right way from the shadows, that's some seriously powerful control, some of which went into arranging Nightmare Moon, and yet she was also an accident and he needed such a complex plan to fix her? Firewall really bought that? Or is there any other possible explanation for how it could have been not completely a lie?
@Alex
ReplyDeleteThere is so much I need to fix! *sob*
Damn you lafter. I laughed so hard I fell over and hit my head. Now I know how Firewall feels sometimes. Anyway, in all seriousness you have a great story here and I am glad it overcame the HiE stigma and flourished into the wonderful, popular, and occasionally influential stories it has become. I believe there are more than a few HiE writers who have either referenced your story or at least received some inspiration from it. Great job, and don't stop writing ever. And don't worry about that spider right behind you. He's harmless...
ReplyDeleteLafter, if it's not too much of a bother, could you please give an update on chapter 2's progress?
ReplyDeleteI just had a thought. Spoilers may abound.
ReplyDelete'David' was not named David originally. He is actually Firewall from the future who developed more and more powers after he makes it back to Equestria. The reason he is trying to get rid of himself is because either A. he took/created the Codex and went mad with power and believed himself to be a god he went back in time to make sure he could be in control, but screwed up the time travel spell, so it took away most of his memories about who he was and what had transpired. All he remembered is that he had incredible power and that he needed to guide his 'creation', Equestria to the future he wanted it to have and the name David. The Codex, taking a cue from the memories that he still had, made him look like David, which is why the Codex called Firewall Master in the story. or B. Due to his presence in Equestria a great disaster happened. He lost Luna and most of the mane six. He was blamed by the other ponies, but was eventually forgiven and returned to them. However, he never stopped blaming himself. He decided he needed to make sure he never would end up in Equestria to begin with, but he also needed to make sure all the positive things that came from him being there would still happen. Therefore, he stole/created the Codex and went back in time, but lost the Codex in the process. His appearance was altered and he was seen as the first human in Equestria by the ponies from before. He realized that David hadn't shown up, and he decided to take on that identity. Over time he realized that he was David all along and decided to change his appearance so no one would notice when the original Firewall showed up. He found the Codex again and started altering things, and eventually events played out exactly as before. He realized he had failed in his original purpose and decided to try and send Firewall back to Earth for the greater good, which brings us to where the story is now. These both assume that Firewall stays human, or at least becomes human later on. That or I am just speculating. But it is the fun sort of speculating.
@DrahcirAloer
ReplyDeleteOoh, ooh, I wanna play too!
David actually created Equestria before the show existed. Earth was then created by David so that there would be an audience to celebrate his creation. Firewall/Stephen is actually David from the future who reincarnated himself on Earth to live as a human and see his own creation from the inside and out.
David is actually Stormwing from the future who failed to protect the real Equestria and came back in time to recreate Equestria and ensure he was born as well as modified to be strong enough to protect it this time.
The Nightmare was in fact Luna from the future who went insane and destroyed Equestria, finally being stopped by the codex, prompting Stormwing to come back in time and make himself stronger and create the Elements of Harmony which are a better way of stopping Luna then the codex. It worked, but the Spirit of the future Luna, now without an existence due to paradox, arrived in the current Equestria. David summoned his future self to help his past self overcome the nightmare and become friends to save Equestria.
@Avi
ReplyDeleteI plan to release it tomorrow night. :3
Also, the Wild Mass Guessing is incredibly awesome guys. XD I love it, good job!
Tomorrow night? I'll just wait here then, I don't need sleep.
ReplyDelete@Lafter*Tips hat*
ReplyDeleteThank yah kindly
*rides off into the sunset*
OK, it's about to get crazy meta up in here.
ReplyDeleteWhat if David is Lafter?
David didn't create the world like so kind of god, maybe he just wrote it, like a fanfiction. The early version of the world where the ponies acted like robots, those are early drafts of the chapters that he wasn't happy with his writing. Inconsistencies with history are just plot holes that he either hasn't realized yet, or hasn't gone back to fix. Firewall was brought to Equestria for a purpose, but ended up doing what he wanted, kind of like Firewall started out as a self-insert, but became a full-blown OC. David just wants to get his world under control, just like Lafter wants to go back and rewrite his earlier chapters to fit in with his plan.
So what if the rewritten chapter 1 isn't actually a rewrite, but it's really chapter 15? Firewall is back at where he started, but he doesn't really remember his first time through Equestria. Sending Firewall back was a way to try to get everything back on track.
Okay, I totally lied. Between working out, getting caught up on my favorite shows (MLP included), and Diablo 3 Open Beta hitting the shelves today... Well, I've just been busy.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, it will be out Sunday Night. Promise. I am so sorry!
Also, Diablo 3 is awesome. ._.
So the captain of the royal guard is Shining Armor
ReplyDeleteStorm Wing is the captain of the royal guard
Twilight is the sister of the captain of the royal guard
Therefore Twilight and Storm Wing are siblings
Wait, what?
ReplyDelete> It will be out tomorrow night (said on April 21)
> I lied, It will be out Sunday Night (also said on April 21, which was a Saturday)
Um... I forgive you? I guess?
?
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oxXUEXxZB8ItKYsFBBWX_hP8Ihz-ecGz_d1ZgUuOkgg/edit
ReplyDeleteRewritten Chapter Two! :3 Have some!
@Lafter
ReplyDeleteYES!
Shweet!
ReplyDeleteSleep can wait, time for ponies!
ReplyDeleteThis is hands-down my favorite piece of Fan-Fiction I've ever read, I loved the story and had absolutely no problems with the plot line or whatever its called. The first revised chapter felt a little different but I'm going to try a couple others before I complain about something that might make the story a more enjoyable experience to me.
ReplyDeleteBesides, its just an excuse to read this wonderful thing again.
@mattwhite924
ReplyDeleteWhat if we're really all just characters in a self-insert fanfic written by Twilight Sparkle? That's why she's so OP!
Also, @Lafter
Hay, somethin been buggin me. What would happen if Firewall tried to call someone on his phone after getting ponyfied? What would happen if someone on Earth tried to call him? Can telemarketers still reach you in Equestria?
@Chyre
ReplyDeleteGlad you asked! :3 We'll find out in next chapter!
... ... Also, damn, that would be quite an expensive phone call, don't you think.
"Sir, transdimensional calls are not included in your plan."
@Lafter
ReplyDeleteHey dude, quick question, will you rewrite everything before you do chapter 15?
Sorry if that sounded dumb or its obvious.
@CockyBrony
ReplyDeleteI've been meaning to ask the same thing.
I WANNA KNOW HOW THE STORY EEEEE-HE-HE-HEEEENDS.
@Lafter Well, I should think this would depend heavily on the relative 'distance' between the transdimensional points as well as the energy requirements for transmission. Depending on the quitessimal brane alignment and squaring the root of the hypotenuse of Pinkie, a point in Equestria may lie a mere angstrom away from a point in our world. This is even more likely if our worlds are layered atop one another slightly out of phase! It would also mean less of a chance of materializing in some random spot in deep space... which is the most likely result of travelling between dimensions.
ReplyDeleteLogic blah. Pinkie Pie is the answer to everything!
I just read the first revised chapter. Defiantly funnier. It also gave a better reason as to why we didn't know his name for a while. For some reason I went for into a tangent in my head about him saying he is like a word blacksmith whom crafts swords out of words and uses them to spar as a way to instigate friendship. Probably cause that is something I have said before.
ReplyDeleteAll my Hate and all of its children! *flying glomp hug*
@Lafter
ReplyDeleteHehe yeah! Actually, now that you mention it, I hope Firewall has an unlimited data plan. Just imagine the overage charges he'd get from Luna downloading the entire Internet into her brain!
@CockyBronyYes, he made a deviantart journal entry a month or two about it. He's going to redo all the original chapters before he moves on to chapter 15, on the idea that the old chapters weren't up to par with his current writing. This means we probably won't see chapter 15 for a long while yet, so don't get too exasperated over the horribly cliffhanger it gave us. We must suffer!
ReplyDelete@Avi
ReplyDeleteThanks for clearing that up :)
We will suffer together, brother!
Continuing CockyBrony's question, what chapter constitutes the line between your older 'bad' writing and your newer 'good' writing? In other words are you going to redo all the chapters, or just the first 8 or something?
ReplyDelete@KronathBekalbI've also been wondering about this, considering I think most of us like all the chapters anyhow.
ReplyDeleteJust got done with my binge of every chapter and the rewrites. This is so compelling it's scary. Like, I don't even know what to do with all these feels. But please, for the love of all that is holy, don't give us a sad ending. You've brushed up against sadness enough to keep things dramatic and interesting, but to cross the threshold into tragedy would be more than my heart could bear.
ReplyDelete@Alondro
ReplyDeleteSo...in other words, Pinkie Pie=42?
@ChyreThe Great P is almighty and all powerful!
ReplyDeleteJust got back from having no internet for 3 weeks, first thing I checked was this, new chapter 2 is one of the best welcome back gifts I have ever received. (unless you gave me chapter to 15 ofc, or a portal to Equestria, or a whole pile of other things that taking it in excess would mean taking it once, but still.)
ReplyDelete*******SPOILER ALERT****************
ReplyDeleteSir I must congratulate you on a job well done. I can Quite honestly say That no story Has EVER captured my attention And held it so long. I found that as I neared the end I wanted it to keep going. I Found myself wondering would he get changed back into again? Would David get what was coming to him? Would Luna and Firewall ever have foals...... okay that last ones a joke but still one of the most masterful peices of work i've seen in over 5 years(mind you I'm still a new brony but I LOVE Reading). Just keep up the good work and you'll go far Or my name is Fireball.
Good luck!
Signed
Mikeyboy16
@Lafter Hello Just wondering if there will be a part 15 I just finished part 14 and found myself thinking just how much like a TV show this is for me. I wait With baited breath for the next installment.
ReplyDelete@Mikeyboy16
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the herd and to this awesome story.
The recap so far (it's like the story of the story is it's own story):
CardsLafter is currently rewriting/editing chapters 1-14 to upgrade the quality and due to the fact that he did not originally plan the full story arc out when he started writing. You can read the rewritten version in the links to the "revised" chapters above or on FimFiction.com where the revised version is the only version. The best way to keep track of the current progress is by:
1: subscribing to the comments on this thread
2: Favoriting and tracking the story on Fimfiction
3: watching CardsLafter on DeviantArt
Once the rewrite is complete CardsLafter will complete story 1 with Chapter 15.
After this he plans to release a few releted (or possibly unrelated as well( short storied/oneshots while planing and working on story 2.
Then releasing story 2 which will be a sequel to this one.
Then he's gonna go try to make it onto the NYT Bestseller list.
@DPV111 Thanks so much for the update i've already subscribed to this thread and THANK YOU You've just given me hope that Firewall might just come back(sorry when i read a story i get so emotionaly attached that I feel The pain, love and pretty much every other emotion experienced by the characters)If I can just keep My sanity while waiting to find out what happens next. as I pinted out No story has ever captured and held my attention At such a physical and emotionial leval for so long. and I'm rambleing on again sorry but i need to express my feeling when I feel them. Ok i"m done talking now. Thanks again
ReplyDelete@Mikeyboy16Fun side note!
ReplyDeleteThose short stories that he'll do between part 1 and 2 are supposed to be based of Dan suggestions! So If you have any ideas for some stories there's a journal on Lafter's deviantart account where you can tell him.
For example: Storm Wing and Fluttershy have a tea party.
http://lafteroth.deviantart.com/
ReplyDeleteLatest poll and journal post concerning what I am writing next! For those that care. :3
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI dont have a deviant account, can i vote on here?
ReplyDeleteWhy not create one? It's free and pretty easy.
ReplyDeleteyou know you are reading good stuff when u stop for a secons and say "holy crap what just happend?"
ReplyDeleteI am looking forward to more of these rewrites
ReplyDeleteI actually have not read originals in so long I can't remember their context
Only difference I noticed is that FireWall does not have his cutiemark to begin with, but in the original, from what I remember is not even mentioned until further into the story.
I am looking forward to more of these rewrites
ReplyDeleteI actually have not read originals in so long I can't remember their context
Only difference I noticed is that FireWall does not have his cutiemark to begin with, but in the original, from what I remember is not even mentioned until further into the story.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHello!
ReplyDeleteThe awesomeness has been doubled!!
ReplyDeleteThe rewritten chapters are a real significant improvement! And that's saying something since the normal chapters were awesome already!!
I can't wait for more!
Quick question: That 'All Links after the Break!' thing has been there since I started reading this fan-fic (like two months ago) and I was wondering if it was referring to Lafter re-writing everything before chapter 15 or is it like the ghost of breaks past and referring to a previous break Lafter took?
ReplyDelete@arandompenguin
ReplyDeleteHave you noticed how most posts on EqD's main page sort of stop partway through, then say something along the lines of "find the rest after the break." That is there so the post doesn't take up a huge amount of space on the main page, but can still hold plenty of stuff when you open it by itself.
If you go to the EqD home page and click 'Older Posts' about a hundred times, you'll find this story with everything under the "After the Break" cut off.
@KronathBekalb
ReplyDeleteOh ok, well that's depressing.
Bleh. I hope the writer's block goes away soon.
ReplyDelete@MagicLlama
ReplyDeleteWorry not, Llama. I've taken the week off to recoup my batteries and it has worked splendidly.
Tomorrow at work I'm going to write plenty. I've almost got the Twilight story finished and have gotten a good start on the Fluttershy story. :3
@LafterThere's a Flootershai story?
ReplyDeleteGod help me I need something to take my mine off this. In the last week i've read the WHOLE D*** THING 3 TIMES I couldn't beleive how awesome they are does anyone know where i can find a good Fan fic to take my mind off this
ReplyDeletePLEASE I"M DIEING HERE
(sorry mellowdrama moment)
On the right there is a banner labeled "fiction archive" click that and then you can search by ag. Click 6 Star and you should find more or less the best fics on the site.
ReplyDeleteAnd yet that search still wouldn't include this story >:(
ReplyDelete@Avi
ReplyDeleteIndeed not, good Avi. 6-Star is reserved for fics that maintain a less than 5% dislike ratio.
Despite the fact that there are other Six-Star fics that have less than 4.9 as of this date and only managed to snag the elusive six-star before it became a popular read and was quickly stamped down by more critical readers.
Despite the fact that TTEOAP multiplies the readership of a good 85% of the 6-Star comments/rates.
Despite the fact that some fics are appealing to a target audience that is very lenient.
Despite the fact that this is an intentional combination of terrible elements.
But... y'know, if you exclude all of that, then yeah. :3 TTEOAP totally does not deserve a Sixth Star.
... also, my flank hurts. :D
Oh, and yes, Avi... I'm doing two short stories right now. One focuses on Twilight and the other focuses on Fluttershy. They are both canon and take place after the elusive fifteenth chapter. DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS! >:3
I don't want spoilers, I want chapter 15 :P
ReplyDeleteBUT SPOILERS SHALL SUFFICE!
Finally I managed to get some time and read the 2nd revised chapter. I must said that I really liked the revamp on the first, and I pretty much did the same with this one except for one big thing. So I'm going to try to give my opinion in the most constructive way I can.(and long, sorry, I indeed need to separate it in 2comments because of the caracter limitation)
ReplyDelete(WARNING, MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD OF BOTH THE OLD AND NEW VERSIONS)
Basically, I didn't like the whole "stupid bird" parts. The reason is the following: In the original version, Firewall didn't have the faintest idea of how or why was he on Equestria, and was just a funny guy, almost a parody in himself, who got involved in a scalating conspiracy until it's place on it was finally revealed. It was a progressive thing. The whole story even had a lot of red herrings (different versions of what happened 1000 years ago, the nightmare claiming it had summoned Firewall, etc...) which made the story pretty interesting, as in every chapter you discovered a bit more of the truth. Now it's like "BAM! You've been summoned to be the savior of equestria" just in chapter 2. For me, that taints most of the pacing the story had.
Then there's the "you must be a super powerful being" rigth in the same scene. Now, I understand that perhaps you felt that some of the revelations in chapter 14 could seem a bit out of the blue, so you wanted to include some foreshadowing. Thats a pretty good idea. Instead, in my opinion, what you got here is a bit of too much early exposition. I feel that it could have been better to be a bit subtle. Just start hinting the "super powerful being" thing a bit further into the story to finally fully reveal it at around the same time you did in the original version.
Also, to try to reduce the amount of exposition given in that scene, you just made Firewall totally ignore the bird in a fashion that, to me, seemed too forced. While Firewall is more that often a bit obnoxious, agreed, here he was just being a big jerk. Also, I can understand him being a bit intimidated/confused/whatever and, being genre-savvy, suspicious. But he should also be curious for a potential explanation of why he was being able to be in equestria. Come on, if any of us were in that situation, the first thing we would want to know is how we got there to try to return in case we got thrown out :)
(2 of 2, still MASSIVE SPOILERS)
ReplyDeleteIn a more personal and subjective subject, I did like more the way that Firewall discovered his abilities by himself in the original version. It was like a bit of a journey of self-discover. Here, I'm sorry, but I could stop me from thinking "Ok, so Zordon summoned him to be a hero, and now he's awaken his Mighty-Firin' Pony Ranger powers. When is he going to give him the keys for his Pony-Zord?" :P
Besides all the pacing and early exposition, there is another potential problem that I see with this development. As I said, in the original version Firewall had no idea of how or why he was on equestria until the very end. Although this was rarely addressed in a direct fashion, I think it was a core part on most of his relationships with the ponies. He didn't know why he was there, or if he was going to just go back to earth any moment. This kind of unsecurity transpired specially in the (admittely rare) ocassions when he was serious. Specially with luna. That uncertainty was part of their early relation.
Now, however, he knows why he's there. Even if he ignored most of the bird conversation, he got enough to be able to say "I've been summoned to be the savior of equestria, with amazing powers granted by a bird. You can call me He-Pony!". Any other reaction to the subject would be lying. And firewall is anything but a liar. At least not a good one.
I must admit that most of my opinions are based on some assumptions on how the new version it's going to develop, according from what I know from the old one, and I couldn't be happier if you then added enough twists to the plot so it rendered most of these invalid. However, I must say that if I was reading your new version for the first time, withouth having read the old one, that entire scene would probably had made me think "Gosh, another OP Gary-Stu who is summoned from earth to save equestria", which is why most of the Brony-in-equestria fics aren't usually liked. Your original version didn't have that feeling at all, and I think that that's why it was so liked. (Ok, perhaps it had a teeny-weeny bit of that towards the end, but by then we were already so hooked to the story and characters that it didin't matter anymore).
Actually, one thing I really liked about Firewall as a character, besides of his crazyness and his way of living (neither equestria is a perfect utopia for him, nor earth is a living hell, everything just has it's ups and downs), is that he never pretended to have grand plans for winning the day. He just did everything the best he could. (In fact, in most of the action scenes, except the late ones, he was more of a moral support -or a nuisance- than the great hero that saved the day. He had his sorry plot constantly saved by others, and that was refreshing for a human in equestria story). Also, although he did have some OP powers, he just had no idea of how to use them until the end. I'm pretty sure you'r going to still going by that approach (or at least hope so), but it's easy for someone to think the opposite just by reading the "you've been summoned to save equestria" line. And losing the hook that it once had i think it's a great loss.
Well, again, sorry for the long post and, if you managed to read until here, even if you didn't agree at the slightest, thanks for at least reading my humble opinions :)
And yes, I just should learn to summarize. Sorry... :/
ReplyDelete*squee*
@Kether let me just start by saying i applaud your forthright statements. I just recently finished the revised chapters and I found myself rather dissapointed. It's not that they weren't good because they were, but they're just not the same story. now i refuse to disaprove of anyone's artistic talent and thats's what the original story is, a peice of art. that being said however, I afree wholehartedly with your assesment. (for breivity's sake i won't repeat it). anyway i think there were quite a few things which i liked about the feel of the original story and it's just not there in the revised version. I will continue to read the stories just because firewall is AWESOME. I look forward to the continuation. good luck lafter i'm rooting for you.
ReplyDelete@Kether
ReplyDeleteWow, that was quite an impressive read.
Although I really, really love 'TTEOAP' I've never considered reading the revisited chapters, since I thought they were merely grammatical corrections and maybe a little bit pacing here and there.
Now that I've read your comment (I was kind of suspicious, that you could spoiler the old AND the 'new' chapters) I think I'm glad I haven't read them.
Your whole point about Firewall being in Equestria for no known reason and him NOT being the savior of all things pony from the first paragraph on was something rather intriguing for a HiE-story. I'm not sure if I would have ever read the story in the first place, if that would be different.
Maybe Firewall seemed a bit Gary Stu, since everypony instantly liked him, but than again, that's how most ponies seem to act towards strangers anyway. It wasn't too out of place.
In addition, he wasn't that overpowered with his magic abilities until late in the story. And near that point, it was explained within the story, why everything is the way it is.
Now, if the purpose of him being in Equestria is revealed to him from the beginning on, that practically makes a totally different starting point for the whole story, which then might very well lead to a totally different story.
Oh, and on a site note, I haven't found the first chapters so cringe worthy. Actually, I liked them as much as the rest of it. Except maybe for the scene with Firewall, Spike and the spider. I nearly fell of of my chair from laughing too hard.
But than again, it's the authors choice to do so, not mine. And I think he would have just the best in mind for his story. (Which I totally want more of!)
where can we view these short stories..?
ReplyDeletewhen approximately new chapter :3
One thing that I want to clarify about my big post is that by no means I'm implying that any change to the story is bad by itself.
ReplyDeleteI understand that Lafter wants to improve his story and to do that changes are required. Some elements are going to change, others be erased and other be added. And, provided they really go towards improving the story, I'm pretty ok with that. In fact, as I said in the first line, I actually like most of the other changes.
It's only the part that I mention that I think it has the potential to jeopardize the quality of the story and the core elements that make it so liked. And even if it doesn't end doing that, due to a good handling by Lafter's hand (and I see him capable to do that), it still can cause a very bad impression on new readers to the fic.
In fact, I'd like to add that the idea of the bird (and I'm going to assume it is who I think it is) interacting with Firewall from the beginning could be interesting indeed. I just simply don't think the way it's handled it's the best, for the reasons that I stated in the other post (and I'm not going to repeat them here xD)
The best way to look at it is a remake of the same story, rather than a simple edit.
ReplyDeleteThe original was the way the story should go based on it's beginning.
The rewrite it the way the story should go based on it's ending.
I'll be honest, the re-write hasn't caught my attention like the original did. On a technical level it's much better, but on a story level it feels like it's missing something. I'm not quite sure how to quantify it, but it just feels like it's missing that little something magical that made the original so fun to read. I'll give the next few chapters a try, but to be honest, if it doesn't hook me in the next few than I probably won't finish reading it.
ReplyDeleteThat brings me to my second concern. With the re-write being quite a bit different, I'm worried that we will never get an ending to the original version. I worry that by the time the new version gets to chapter 15 it will be too different to consider it the ending to the original version. I know Lafter has said that it might be confusing if he went ahead and release chapter 15, but it would be nice to get some closure on it. Right now it feels like the remake is just something I have to slog through while the ending is delayed. It's kind of hard to enjoy something when it feels like it's what's causing the ending to get put off.
Overall I respect Lafter's decision to re-write his story, but as a fan I'm finding it difficult to enjoy it now.
Oh, NOW the criticism starts. I'll admit that I was a little apprehensive after reading the new chapter one, but I think I got over most of that when chapter two came out.
ReplyDeleteWhat got me sold on this story in the first place was how well he portrayed the characters as well as some of his ideas about how certain things in Equestria worked. His style reminded me of the way I write (which probably isn't a good thing for me) just with a better sense of humor. It probably, also, helped that this was the first HiE fic I had ever even heard of, so most of the things that some of the harsher critics are calling cliche weren't automatic red flags for me. Still, having looked around for a while, I don't think I've seen that particular opening done better in any other fanfic.
When the rewrite came, out the changes in style were initially very jarring to me (don't worry, that didn't last long). Also, certain things stood out like Spike's joke about naming his character Hot Air (in the original, the moment was more naturally motivated and it came off as far more clever), as well as a few other minor nit picks. Anyway, it wasn't until the second chapter came out that his mastery of character and great sense of humor had me enjoying it again.
I can definitely say that I am eagerly awaiting the next chapter as well as anything else Lafter has for us.
@Kether
ReplyDeleteOh, Kether... :o I don't want to say you are silly or anything...
But trust me, the... Damn, I really can't assuage your fears without spoiling...
Just take me at my word. Nothing is as it seems. :o
@Lafter So you're calling me silly after all? :(
ReplyDeleteNah :P Actually, I already said many times that all I said was based on some assumptions and that I trusted that you will prove me wrong adding some good plot twists. Actually knowing it's like that makes me more eager to read the rest. No spoilers, please :P
I'm still a bit worried about new readers getting the wrong idea, but I suppose that when the next chapters are out your army of fans will just need to convince them otherwise xD
Meh. I know there's more to come, and things are gonna change and all that, but I just don't like the rewrites, for several specific reasons:
ReplyDelete1) Our hero isn't supposed to be our hero so soon. It's too fast, too forced, and too simple. I liked it much more when he was BADLY out of his depth and had to learn fast to catch up.
2) Firewall was MUCH more sympathetic in the original. He was devoted to not contaminating Equestria with his presence, until he couldn't stop it anymore. He didn't swear, didn't want to smoke, and certainly didn't go exposing everypony willy-nilly to technology.
3) Storm Wing's intro. It's like having Optimus Prime appear in the first 30 seconds of the movie, get an applause break, and leave again without doing anything. His introduction in the old version was perfect, and priceless.
4, and greatest) I liked to old version better BECAUSE it was written worse. Yeah, I said it. It read much more like an immediate experience inside Firewall's head, not like he's trying to recapture that feeling telling the tale fifteen years later.
Despite my whingeing, I'm still looking forward to seeing what you've got planned.
Finally I have some time to comment on the revised edition! Here goes:
ReplyDeleteI can't give you an unbiased review. Reading the new 2 chapters felt good, but weird. It definitely starts out better, and the SQUEEEE! moments are handled better, but there are some areas that are lacking. That initial tea disaster was a tiny bit too awkward for my tastes, and that conversation with the bird (if you can call it a conversation) I definitely disliked.
Also working against you is that I take every single little hint and try to fit it in with what I already suspect will happen. It's like trying to complete a single jigsaw puzzle using a whole bunch of pieces from 2 different boxes. I think I'd be better off if I could somehow forget about the original, so I can enjoy the revision more.
Still, this remains in my top 3 best fics of all time, and I can't wait to see where you're going with this. Thank you so much for your hard work!
This fanfic is just getting better and better xD and i must admit that i am same type of character as Firewall.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.equestriadaily.com/2012/05/summer-funimation-project-screenwriting.html
ReplyDeleteLafter, are you going to write something for this?
So... it's been awhile...
ReplyDelete@MagicLlama
ReplyDeleteWhat happened to everyone? There was usually a new post here every day or two, and then suddenly nothing for almost two weeks!
Where is everybody?
ReplyDeleteAlmost two weeks and nothing, not even a news update
The crew here has moved to a forum dedicated to this fic. http://postsofanotherforum.proboards.com/index.cgi
ReplyDeleteCome and join the insanity!! (we have cupcakes!)
I knew I missed something.
ReplyDelete@KronathBekalb
ReplyDeleteActually, nope. :o Turns out there's already an animation project that I'm writing for nonetheless.
Regardless, there has been a lot of progress on the spoiler chapters. Look forward to them soon! :D
Yay!
ReplyDelete...So come on down to the lovely Through the Posts of Another Forum! A warm welcoming community, all new members are treated the same as original members: awesome!
ReplyDeleteMake some friends! Tell some jokes! Discuss the fic! Read fics written by our own members! Partake in some RP! Share silly things you found on the internet! Philosophize! Chat on Skype! Come to Livestream movie nights every Sunday, unless Ken forgets! Enjoy our original forum podcast, cleverly named Through the Streams of Another Podcast! Get light-heartedly trolled by Yours Truly! Use WAY too many exclamation points! I feel like I'm forgetting something important!
postsofanotherforum.proboards.com/index.cgi
^Right here. Start in the Introductions Thread in the General Board. We're waiting for you. Always. Cowses.
Cowses bless you llama
ReplyDelete@Kether
ReplyDeleteFear not, faithful reader! Your concerns have been noted, but we have it well in hoof.
Actually, we've got plot twists galore, so there's no need to get your plot in a twist ;3. That bird is more interesting than you know. And, contrary to popular belief, Stupid Bird actually isn't [REDACTED]. The important thing is that not all is as it seems, and likely not in the way you're expecting.
Huh... was Flutterfall not posted here? No? oh well. All you non-Fimfiction slackers should check out Ch. 15 Part 1 right.... here:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.fimfiction.net/story/19641/3/Through-The-Eyes-Of-Another-Pony/Chapter-15-Part-One%3A--Flutterfall
@MagicLlama
ReplyDeleteThat was a freakin' good read. Definitely nice for taking the edge off while we wait for Mr. Lafter to finish the re-write.
I'm so confused right now, but that was definitely a good read.
ReplyDeleteTook you long enough. Seriously, you almost made me get something done!
ReplyDeleteJust read Flutterfall. It's been too long, @Lafter . Was really quite good, and have just send an e-mail to a brony friend who I got into the series. I know he'll be very excited, as am I!
ReplyDeleteGood Luck with your writing and such.
CockyBrony :P
Does this take place before or after chapter 14. I really really really want to read more CardsLafter stuff, but I don't want spoilers.
ReplyDelete@KronathBekalb
ReplyDeleteHe's writing chapter 15 in multiple parts in reverse order, so this is literally the end of chapter 15, which is the end of part 1.
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteYeah, that's what I thought. I'll just wait, then.
LAFTERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! You promised me a new chapter! Yesterday!
ReplyDelete@MagicLlama
ReplyDeleteOMG FINE. IT'S ON FIMFICTION LIKE 10 MINUTES AFTER THIS POST.
@Lafter
ReplyDeleteBut... I... Sleep... What?
@MagicLlama
ReplyDeleteCorrection! It will have to be later today thanks to either me having problems with Fimfiction and DeviantArt or them having problems with me. :o
Would it be chapter 15 part 2?
ReplyDeleteLet it be known... I hate fimfiction's import function.
ReplyDeleteSo, not only did David take away the most awesome memories you'll probably ever have, HE WON'T EVEN LET YOU WATCH THE SHOW!?
ReplyDeleteThat bastard.
So... in case anyone has not picked up on these hints, or maybe is too lazy to browse FIMFiction, here's some linkage, courtesy of MagicLlama. Remember this in the 2044 Presidential Election!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.fimfiction.net/story/19641/4/Through-The-Eyes-Of-Another-Pony/Chapter-15-Part-Two%3A--A-Few-Good-Mares
Woah, new perspective time. Wait a sec, UPDATES?!
ReplyDeleteOkay, let's see, how confusing is this? Actually pretty not confusing, considering. I'm reminded of the "memory gaps" section of Fallout: Equestria, but the change in perspective really helps alleviate what might otherwise be quite jarring. The chapters allude to events not yet written, but honestly it reads well as written, more like foreshadowing really, so kudos.
And to anyone on the fence about reading this for fear of running into spoilers? Don't worry, it's good.
THIS IS EXTREMELY RELEVANT TO EVERYONE HERE, BECAUSE TTEOAP.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ufRsW8P_KE&feature=youtu.be
I waved to Pinkie, who else did?
ReplyDelete@Unknown
ReplyDeleteI kid you not when I say... Hundreds of people waved. XD
So Lafter... the latest chapter left me rather... confused, will coming chapters make everything abit clearer? (even though the last chapter left me confused it still was great though, just abit difficult to follow :3)
ReplyDeleteIs the chapter 3 rewrite gonna get posted here?
ReplyDeleteI feel like this fic has died. Sure, its technically still going, but it lost its groove. Everything is weird and trippy and plot-heavy and complicated now, and, while that's okay, the very integral soul of the story, its sloppy drunken humor, is slipping away.
ReplyDelete@MagicLlama
ReplyDeleteCan't say I agree all that much. I like the rewritten chapters at least as much as the originals and the Chapter 15 stuff is some of the best stuff I have read in the fandom. Ever.
The only problem is that it has slowed down, but can't blame the guy who gives us quality grade free fiction for taking his time.
And remember, bro: Our Friendship is still Here
I really hope you end the original first before you rewrite the entire thing. I'm loving the story but I'm not going to read the revised one. Just cuz I feel it's worthy enough on its own.
ReplyDelete@Armageddon
ReplyDeleteYou need to understand, the end of the original story is what necessitates these rewrites.
The original was written before the full direction and scope of the story was conceived.
By the time Chapter 15 (the final chapter of part 1 of a 2 part story) was conceptualized, it contained concepts and themes that had not been explored or explained in the story previously.
The rewrite is a retcon to allow the things to exist in continuity that need to exist for Ch 15 to make any sense.
The rewrite does not change the story, it just upgrades it. It is the same story, but with alterations to maintain continuity integrity.
The conclusion of teh rewrite IS teh conclusion of teh original.
And BTW, that's just the conclusion of part 1 of 2...
Well... now I have to bloody well wait for the next chapters to come out. I'd say that's one of the biggest problems I have with reading good fan fics... waiting for the next part to come out! xD
ReplyDeleteI just got done rereading the first few chapters of the original to compare with the new versions.
ReplyDeleteIn the original it felt like Firewall was a silly guy who knew when to reign himself back and take things seriously. In story terms, you could tell that sometimes Firewall was Lafter and sometimes he was Stoic. They dynamic between the two sides played well together.
In the new version it feels like Lafter beat the crap out of Stoic and locked him in the closet. Firewall seems almost incapable of taking anything serious without outside intervention (the bird).
As an example, in the original version, Lafter purposely withholds information about humanity that he thinks might cause damage to Equestria. He knows that his presence is a danger to their way of life, and he goes out of his way to try to avoid that. He's still a goofy guy the whole time, but you can see that there's always a bit of reason behind his actions.
In the new version he doesn't see any reason to withhold info about humans until the bird points out that it might not be a good idea. Firewall never figures things out for himself, and is always reigned in by someone else. It's like he's become a caricature of himself.
@mattwhite924
ReplyDeleteWhile you are technically not wrong in your assertions, you are a bit misguided about the end result.
He now acts like a character experiencing wish fulfillment rather than a pure vehicle for the author's wish fulfillment.
In addition by limiting his power and by making his flaws more consistant, it's reducing his level of "Gary-Stu-ism".
Now you can say you don't like the changes and that you preferred the way he was before, and I can't completely disagree, after all, the original is who made us fans to begin with. I also have mixed feelings about the changes.
But from a quality of writing standpoint, the changes make him a better character.
@DPV111
ReplyDeleteThe problem is that the changes make him an unlikeable character. He's no longer that lovable oaf that means well but often messes things up, he's now that big idiot who never learns from his mistakes and doesn't think about the consequences of his actions.
I don't think it makes him less of a Gary-Stu, but I do think it makes him far more of a flat character. Let's not forget that one of the things that made this story special wasn't that it avoided the common criticisms of fan fiction, but that it embraced them and made them work.
I'm still going to keep reading. I've been following this story since the beginning and I've got to find out how it ends, but I'm getting worried that, with all these changes, by the time we get Chapter 15 it will be incompatible with the 14 chapters that I enjoyed.
Oh glorious day! Yay updates ^_^
ReplyDeleteChapter 3 and 4 move the plot along, introduce more shenanigans, and of course the best relationship in the history of fics, LunaWall.
I still have mixed feelings when comparing the old and new versions, I don't find myself enjoying it quite as much or wanting to re-read it a second time as soon as I'm done, but I suppose that's to be expected when you know the characters to be introduced and suspect the general plotline. Maybe.
Anyways, I'm still tremendously grateful for the updates, and I'm glad you're still writing! Keep it up :-)
@mattwhite924
ReplyDeleteI think the problem you're suffering from, my good friend, is that you've been exposed to Firewall after he's grown up a bit. You've been exposed to Firewall after he's matured. You've been exposed to a Firewall that has realized that he needs to stop goofy dumbass all the time and get real occasionally.
And then you're suddenly reading him with all those flaws again and he has yet to tackle them. I understand, that's probably a little frustrating.
He didn't discard his idiocy until much later in the fic and he will again. But I think it will mean a little more this time around. Probably not to you, since you know how it all goes already, but this is something I want to do for myself, future readers and others that I expose this to after I complete everything.
I know, right now, it's not what you want... But I propose that you will call it worthwhile after everything is said and done.
:3 Promises~!
@metapsionic
ReplyDeleteIndeed. ;3 Rereading a revision of a chapter that you've likely read three or four times already won't exactly thrill you...
But just wait. :3 The good times are about to be headed our way. :D
@mattwhite924 Well, let's face it, no character can be as flawless as me. Were I to end up in Equestria, I would instantly destoy Discord with the power of my sheer incredible awesomeness and every other villain in every other fanfic universe would tremble in fear and decide to become nice and join the Salvation Army.
ReplyDelete*Alia Atreides comments* And how can this be? For he IS the Kwisatz Gary Stu!
trolololo
@Lafter
ReplyDeleteIt's good to hear that you do have a plan for it. Like I said, I'm planning on continuing to read the revised chapters, so I am interested in seeing how you develop the characters this time. I do enjoy this story, and I find your growth as a writer to be pretty interesting as well. Regardless of any issues I have with the new plot, mechanically the new chapters are much better written than the old ones.
I know I'm a bit late to the party fanfic wise but when I got to chapter 15, just ... What? I know this is probably already been answered at sompoint but I just started reading the fic earlier this week. Like what did you mean by writing it backwards? Why isn't it like the " coming up in next chapter type thing at the end ? And what the hell is flutter fall?
ReplyDeleteI WANT CHAPTER 15 NOW!.....seriously though......screw remaking anymore chapters JUST GET ON WITH IT! BEFORE I GET ALL APPLEJACK ON YO (ponycensor)!
ReplyDelete@keiren stevens
ReplyDeleteHmm, well other than the 2 parts of Ch 15 already out, I regret to inform you that after the next post (not sure if rewritten chapter or new part of 15) CardsLafter will be on hitaus to write an actual novel... for around 2 months.
Oh my god man, i just read the entire story in two days, taking about 6 hours of my time to read an incredible story by the FANTISTICAL guy that was genius enough to wright this. The only problem that i have with this is THAT IT IS NOT FREAKING ENDED!!!!@!@!@!@!@! GOD BUCKING DAM I NEED TO SEE THE END OF THIS!!! GIVE IT TOO ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete@Ian Bruinooge
ReplyDeleteAlrighty, then. Here's a rundown:
1: The story is planned to be in 2 parts.
2: Chapter 15 will be the end of Part 1.
3: Chapter 15 is currently being released in multiple parts out of chronological order.
4: Chapters 1-14 are currently being rewritten to conform to the continuity CardsLafter came up with for the end of Part 1.
5: There are short stories that will be released between the 2 parts.
6: CardsLafter is currently on a 2 month (approximate) hiatus to accept a novel writing challenge.
@DPV111Okay fine, i waited for season 3 so, i guess i can wait for this.... not like I want to Grrrrr. But okay okay I'll do my best not to threaten anypony in wanting this story P.S. I'm 100% Jealous of Firewall for being with Luna
ReplyDelete*Stares sadly at empty comment section and lack of updates*
ReplyDeletehis hiatus should be almost over :p
ReplyDeleteAlright, so I don't now if CardsLafter will even see this comment, but it is important enough for me personally that I try any avenue I can think of to get my message through. Here goes!
ReplyDeleteDude, I can never express my true feelings of thanks for what you have done (albeit unintentionally) for my life. Over the past months, I have been in what you might call a "downward spiral." My friends have always known me to be easygoing, never serious, and loving. Honestly, sometimes I could even be more sarcastic than your OP protagonist! Just ask my friends- I have never lost a single run of Gay Chicken! Thing is though, I have been under an incredible amount of stress lately, and although I would never admit it to those I love for fear of hurting them, I have been legitimately depressed and seriously considered just ending it all.
Too much of a pussy though, I could never do that to everyone around me. Which only fed the flames of self doubt and even loathing. Just trying to get out of high school, getting good enough grades to go to Duke as my father constantly pressures me, seeing all of my friends starting to move on toward the rest of their lives with each other after our senior year has ended, and the pure terror I feel for moving across the entire country to continue my education have all sort of piled up to an unbearable amount. Or so I thought.
Just last week, my best friend saw just how down I was getting, and introduced me to MLP:FiM. And specifically, to this story. I have to say, I haven't reacted to reading a story like this for longer than I can remember- which is saying something for me, as I read more than anyone in my entire school, not to toot my own horn. I didn't realize it until just a few days ago, but as I read your fanfic I hadn't had any desire to enact some of my self destructive habits in the entire time I had read your story. I don't want to get into details, but they were pretty addictive habits and although I knew they were going to slowly eat away at my health, I had never managed to kick them. It isn't something I'm proud of, and no one in my family or circle of friends knows about them.
Thanks to you, I have been laughing and snarky like I haven't been in half a year. I have been sleeping well, eating well, and havent engaged in my self destructive habits once! I don't know if you realize what a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, but I am literally crying from relief as I write this! Most authors only write to make money, and even if that was your intention, just know this: you have made a positive influence in my life like no one ever has, and I can never tell you of my gratitude enough.
Hope I didn't bother everyone with such a long post! Basically, TL;DR version: becoming a brony and reading this fanfic saved my life and emotional health. It is better than most printed stuff out there! Get everyone you can to read it, CardLafter deserves at least that much!
My favorite fan fiction, I don't really care for the revised edition. I just want to see new material. However, I understand how a revised edition would prove to be better. Everyone sees their artwork and thinks "I could have done better..." So only makes sense that CardsLafter does so.
ReplyDeleteawesomeeeeeeeee
ReplyDeleteWell I like the rewrite. I hope you don't bring the human back though, as a badguy he was rather... uninspiered. I didn't find him particularly intresting to read about, no offence ment.
ReplyDeleteI'd rather see a badguy from that World, ether one that exist in Canon, or a made up one. Sense the reveal that Alicorns are made not born, and the fact that there are no male Alicorns around, you might use that to create a male Alicorn bad guy.
Just a suggestion.