Author: Seattle_Lite
Description: A different approach to Rainbow Dash's story in Episode 2. The most loyal of ponies faces the most difficult test of her virtue; does she hold the greater loyalty to her friends wishes and esteem for her, or their safety and wellbeing?Part 1: Divergence
Part 2: Confrontation
Part 3: Evidence
Part 4: Foresight
Part 5: Bereavement
Part 6: Gravity
Part 7: Ambiguity
Part 8: Horizons
Part 9: Inquisition
Part 10: Juxtaposition (New!)
Additional Tags: Confliction, Perceived betrayal, Pathos, Enigmatic Luna, Black Belt is canon
114 comments:
Yay its finally up! I'm quite shocked they refused it in the first place, but also glad they did. The end result is something better.
ReplyDeleteAnd always remember, Rainbow dash has a BLACK BELT!!! ITS FUCKING CANON!!!
It clearly shows she has in one of the episodes at around 10:25
THIS STORY IS CANON!!!
Color me intrigued regarding where this is going.
ReplyDelete@ TenchiFeak5
ReplyDeleteHe has come quite far on chapter 3, but he has not decided just where the end of it will go. He has 2 possible ways of taking it, this guy is supremely organized when it comes to writing.
I can tell you that Chapter 3 is extremely good as well. Chapter 3 is FUCKING CANON!!!
Should come out in just a few days. I hope he will not be angered that I have said this :S
Seattle_Lite is FUCKING CANON!!!
Hee. As soon as it started looking like AJ and Dash would come to blows, I took stock of the others. I figured Twilight might be able to do something, but the narrative required she be prevented. Fluttershy and Rarity were unsuited for direct interference, although medic!Fluttershy was no surprise at all. That left Pinkie Pie, who - I figured - should be able to defuse things.
ReplyDeleteAnd while it works for the story to not have her intervene until the end of part 2, I'm not sure it works for Pinkie. Keeping in mind that of the mane six I have the least grasp on her character, I don't really think she'd be immobile for so long. Upset, yes, but when Pinkie gets upset it seems to me she's more likely to get vocal than to freeze up.
Incidentally, when the Shadowbolt drew specific attention to Dash's courage, I very much expected Fluttershy to feature in the resulting nightmare. Especially since everypony else, even Twilight whom she'd just met the previous day, did.
Oh hey, it did get through, and posted fairly quickly
ReplyDeleteWelp, I already read it xD
5
MOAR!!! Poor Dashie! So conflicted!
ReplyDeleteNicely written.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThank you sir.
@Jonathan
Darn fine points you have there. I considered giving some more focus to Pinkie, but given the fight occurred so swiftly, and was wrapped up quite fast, I thought her shock would carry though enough to keep immobile. Never fear, Pinkie shines in chapter 3!
@Fluttershy
Haha, thanks mate. Cheers!
Was that a...no feckin' way . . . was that a "The Room" reference?
ReplyDeleteNot quite into the swearing (it just seems to lack impact considering that the f-word has a replacement censor going on), but I'm starting to love any story that expands on the pilot's premise. Really nice work here in particular, it's wonderful to see the notions of a elements put to an actual test.
ReplyDeleteOh man I can't wait for more of this!
ReplyDeletewhat happened to part 3?
ReplyDeleteUhm, Seth? It's part 3 not 4...
ReplyDeleteTHIS SHIT IS CANON!
Nicely done!
ReplyDeleteChapter 3/4 broke.
ReplyDeleteThe link to chapter...4? isn't working. Also, where's chapter 3?
ReplyDeleteAAAUGH
ReplyDeleteTERROR
PANIC
NO WORK
FIX IT
DAMN YOU, 404!
ReplyDeleteYay, fixies! Now I needn't expend my unbridled rage.
ReplyDeleteheehee, unbridled.
oh congratz on part 3 Seattle!
ReplyDeleteI hope to read it tonight
^^ Heh heh anon made a funny! But seriously, cool story brah. I love your writing style. Lots of detailing words. I've got a question though... Evil Luna?
ReplyDelete^I'm leaning away from evil Luna for now (if only because the outfit doesn't quite match the Shadowbolts and Dash's attitude seems normal-ish) and leaning towards a secondary crisis that's keeping Celestia captive.
ReplyDeleteI am definitely liking where this seems to be headed.
I can't tell if Luna was telling lying to Dash or not. It's driving me crazy.
ReplyDeleteThe suspense! Seriously, I love a good cliffhanger, and the story overall is very enjoyable.
ReplyDeletebwahaha. Devious, enigmatic Luna: To be, or not to be?
ReplyDeleteDash- True in her actions, or profoundly deceived? Does it really matter to the quality of her character? Would she be the less for it?
Incidentally, wtf happened in the original link posting? I missed that entirely. Very confused. derp
Very very good so far. Moar!
ReplyDeletehmmmm, why is google documents always in dutch for me... is that the default?
ReplyDeleteI'm genuinely liking this, more please as soon as feasibly possible.
ReplyDeleteI agree, MOAR.
ReplyDeleteIt may be a minor nitpick on my part, but some of the dialog/reactions of this Chapter and Chapter 3 seem like they were written as if everyone has known each other for much longer than they actually would have for this to be taking place around the same time as Episode 2.
ReplyDeleteIts sort of inconsistent, though. Twilight seems to be reacting pretty realistically towards the others, but the others seem to be acting far more (for lack of a better word) "chummy" with Twilight considering they've only known her for a few days.
I dunno. Maybe its just me.
MOARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletesomeone explain me thae black belt thing plz
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteI'd chalk it up to the Mane cast being 'fated' to be friends. Cutie Mark Chronicles and whatnot.
<-- Tyrant Celestia implied
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm out.
Well, maybe I'll give it another chance with chapter 5... Let's see what that'll bring. (Here's hoping I was wrong)
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI don't think it implied that at all. A disagreement with Luna over the necessity of a monarchy does not a tyrant make.
Anyway, I've been liking this more and more with every chapter. After this update, consider me sold.
@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteA thousand years of forced exile in the moon for democratic leanings?
That doesn't sound like something a Tyrant would do to you?
Because that is what Luna claims was "at the heart of their disagreement". The very same disagreement that resulted in her banishment. And we have yet to doubt her words, as the story very much tries to portray her as sincere and in the right, what with Pinkie's pinkie sense going off at Rainbow's words (which is strange, since canon Pinkie's really bad at telling whether she's being lied to) and Twilight herself almost instantly believing her.
Again, I'm hoping I'm wrong and this isn't going to turn out like the implications (to me) suggest. However, Tyrant Celestia / democratic, morally superior Luna is very much implied.
No matter how their disagreement started, Luna still unleashed Nightmare Moon, which puts her squarely, undeniably in the wrong. At that point it's fair to assume Celestia was 100% in the right, even if 1000 years of banishment may have been a little...much.
ReplyDeleteThis story doesn't make sense, you are completely erasing Rainbow as a element of harmony, not only that but you are making me hate her as a character! Now i'm not saying the writing is bad (because it's clearly well written) and you also got that really nice piece of fan art but i do not like the story. If dash were really loyal she would help her friends across still. She wouldn't be swayed so easy, not if your element is loyalty! I'm not gonna put up like a bad rating but, it seems like this is almost unimaginable to me.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous Dont get me wrong when i say this because you are writing well and you clearly have alot of fans for this story, but im just not. I read it all and tried to like it but it's just so..... wrong. Dash wouldn't do this, im sorry
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThat. Is a lie. I had a LOOOOOOONG talk a few weeks ago with the (AWESOME!) author and we talked back and forth about Rainbow Dash and concluded that she was totally IN-CHARACTER.
She's still the Element of Loyalty. How so? You may think. Well, everything she has done so far has been to PROTECT her friends from! Protecting them from themselves, pretty much. She is as in-character as she possibly can in this scenario, protecting her friends; showing the utmost loyalty.
Though, if you didn't like the story, ok (I don't see how or why, but still). But, you cannot go and say that Rainbow Dash is OOC (she is acting as she is because of you know, what's going on) cuz shes IN-CHARACTER.
And damn right the writing is good, like VERY GOOD. Some of the best I've seen in this community (in my eyes, that is).
Hope I cleared some doubt/thoughts here, if not, I made my point.
Not trying to be anything but kind here and helping out. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm not doing as stated by me.
@Kim Fluttershy Dykas But she joins the other side is the thing i dont understand! She has been erased as the element of loyal, because she betrayed her friends. I still think it's very well written but if you really want this story to work, she cant be used as the element of loyalty. She already betrayed her friends once, making he unloyal, therefore not able to posses that element. Also, why wouldn't she be loyal enough to take her friends back to ponyville after the fight? It's like she leaves them out to dry. But im not gonna fight about this. It's still a well written story, but as a dash finatic, it seems so wrong.
ReplyDeleteThank you all for reading, and sorry for the lateness of this post. I was out of town for a few days.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many points I'd love to address, most especially the "tyrant celestia" implication and Dash being "disabused of her element" (to which I ask you, how far would YOU go to save your friends lives?), which I can say is... actually, I can't without giving things away, but I'm not doing a bloody trope-fic here.
EqD is an awful medium for the amount of discussion the recent posts would entail. If anyone is so inclined, there is a thread over on Ponychan where I would be happy to go into specific concerns at great length. You'll find I'm extremely open to intellectual criticism.
http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/31833.html
In any event, thank you all for reading!
(Kim- Chiiiiill buddy! lol, I welcome any and all discussion and opinions)
OH, to the anon asking about the black belt tag- I took some gruff over Dash being "a ninja" in the second chapter. I countered that she has a black belt, as seen in "Call of the Cutie".
(o_O)
ReplyDelete...
Er, should I have been expecting this to take a running jump off of the [GrimDark] cliff?
Because, I mean, I recognize that there was always a chance for it to get a little dark based on the concept, but attempted full-blown rape and the ending that Chapter 5 got was not something that I can even pretend that I saw coming from a [Normal][Adventure] story.
@TenchiFreak5
ReplyDeleteI do apologize for the bit o shocker there TF. When I submitted the first two chapters, I flat-out said in the email this was going to verge into light GD territory.
Fluttershy...NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOMGZOMGSDSDFJSDF
ReplyDeleteAnd now things have _really_ gotten going. I can't wait to find out what happens next!
ReplyDeleteCould've done without the rape.
ReplyDeleteOh hey, violent molestation and attempted rape. Thanks for warning me about that with the tags. Oh wait you didn't. Here, have a 1 star. :|
ReplyDelete@AnonymousThat's a pretty childish reasons to give a one-star. A star rating should be based on the story's merits, not whether the tags are fitting or not.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteThat might be a rather harsh reaction. The scene in the latest chapter, at least to me, was meant to be extremely unpleasant, and to stir up an uneasiness on the part of the reader. Although a tag may be missing, that could be due to a simple error on the part of the author, prereaders, or even Seth himself; a simple act of forgetting.
The 1-stars can hit a rating hard, and they should probably be best reserved for blatant errors in grammar, spelling, and plot progression, as the star rating is one of the biggest methods of getting new readers to check out a story.
Okay, yikes. I'm fine with reading stories that are grimdark, but could I ask this one be relabeled as such? It's perfectly well written, but... the 5th chapter has several scenes that immediately scream "grimdark" to me.
ReplyDeleteThis gets a well earned five star from me. The fifth chapter was very well written, and the Grim-dark scene in question was incredibly shocking, but in a good way! That said, I'm glad that the tag was added, albeit when I've already FINISHED the chapter...
ReplyDeleteAnd @Anon, really? 1 star? What, did you think Night-mother****in'-mare Moon was gonna throw them a party?
Seattle_Lite you have earned this 5 star, not only is it a gripping tail but you continue to throw twists and leave us wanting more at the end of each chapter.
ReplyDeleteSolaris90 here.
ReplyDeleteSeattle_Lite, awesome work on this story so far. The path you've taken it is very interesting. And honestly, I think some readers might be overblowing the "TYRANT CELESTIA!!!!" thing a bit much. Most of us can agree that there are definite weaknesses to democracy, and that there are some merits to a monarchy. Just because Celestia believes that the pros of a monarchy outway the bad doesn't make her evil. We will simply have to wait and see.
Also, love the mention of the Dreaming.
I love this story! It's the first MLP fanfic I've read, and I'm glad I picked a great one to start with.
ReplyDeleteThe story is dark, but completely believable as an alternate storyline in a more adult-oriented series.
I can hardly wait to see what Chapter 6 brings. Bravo!
@Charlotte Sable
ReplyDeleteOh snap. My story was your introduction to mlp fanfic? That... wow. Thank you very much for your compliments. There are some spectacularly talented writers in this fandom- I suggest you read "Paradise" and "Fallout Equestria", and many others!
@Solaris90-
Thank you. Coming from you, that means a lot. Also, yes, the "Tyrant Celly" outburst has been quite reactionary on the part of some readers. Really jumping to conclusions there.
Also- Gaiman ftw
Both anon's above Solaris, thank you very much for your kind words. They mean a lot, and I love to know that people are enjoying the story!
Cheers All!
HEY i not a anon!!
ReplyDeletekind of not....
anyway, that last chapter was like : !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
especially at the ending, though the grindmaark part let me dunbfoundeb (...) i have to read it over 2 times to get what was happening, i read the words, but my brain was not procesing in that moment.....
and yes..... this should have a tag of EPIC!, espacially the chapter were the dragons appear
thats it, no words, just exclamation,
again.... MOOOAAAAARRRR!!!
XD sorry for bad ortographi LOL
Wow...I'm still new to MLP fanfic, but this is...twisted. In a good way. Kinda. I want to know how it all unfolds, but it seems things have gone from bad to worse and it's not going to get better anytime soon >_<
ReplyDeleteVery well written, keep it up!
Chapter 6 pre-emptive notice-
ReplyDeleteThere is a thread for Divergence on Ponychan, if anyone cares to engage in more in-depth discussion than EqD is proper to handle. Cheers, hope you enjoy the new chapter!
http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/31833.html
mind blown, really lol , last chapter Twilight almost getting raped , now Lyra is some kind of wood nymph-ony that was raised by wolves?
ReplyDeletei just have to re-read the whole thing again later. xD
great story and really love it ,sucks to see twilight to kill the the other (a dragon could just fly and burn the whole damn forest down if he wanted to)
hope AJ and RD survive the trip unharmed :S
The part with Lyra was a very nice touch, especially the art. I'm absolutely blown away with how you portray every character and I can't wait for the next chapter!
ReplyDeleteThis certainly is becoming interesting.
ReplyDeleteHm. Shit is certainly starting to get real, it seems.
ReplyDeleteThey be rapin ponies up in here. Hide yo ponies, hide yo foals, you fillies, yo colts, yo unicorns, yo pegasi, yo earth ponies. Hide em all cause they gon get raped!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWow, this is seriously one of the best stories character-wise I've read on EQD.
ReplyDeleteThe character interpretations were a bit hiccuping in the first chapter, but after that everything went smoothly, and how! RD is definitely as in-character as I could envision her, and while I've cringed at a lot of freaking-out TS in the past, this one is the most justifiable one, since the story takes place before Twi actually learned anything about friendship.
The twist on the canon story is very enjoyable, and this grand schemes that are just coming up are riveting me to the seat, I tell you!
The only thing I can blame you with is, you're not churning out chapters fast enough! I want MOAR :D
I love this story. I think the torture scene is DEAD ON what an imprisoned Nightmare Moon would do to Twilight Sparkle if she were handed over on a silver platter, in the manner that happened. Twilight is fortunate to be so powerful, but I still wonder if Luna or the enchantment on the room didn't provide an assist.
ReplyDeleteI am getting the feeling that The time on the moon has worn down Nightmare's hold on Luna, and in a point of clarity was able to suppress and then bind the nightmare as the small black alicorn figure. I believe Luna is functioning clear of the Nightmare's evil, but I also feel there are both things she doesn't understand, and I highly suspect she is hiding things as well. I wonder if the Nightmare is still bound to her (it IS a part of her psyche after all), but it's effect is merely bound in the black room, the elements not having actually purified or purged the darkness from her.
Dash is fully in character to me. He hates what she has had to do to her friends, both new an old, but she genuinely was convinced forward progression would lead to defeat and death. She did what her loyal heart and mind told her would keep her friends safe. She saw Nightmare, and she saw Luna. I feel she sees the two are not of the same goals or being any longer. Is that true? Don't know.
I feel worst, not for the suffering Fluttershy experienced, though it is tragic... I worry for Twilight. She has Rarity convinced LUNA did the unspeakable things to her. Twilight herself is convinced that Luna is the evil that did this. All rational thought says that Luna was successful in binding the evil within her own mind and heart. Hmm Twi... You quite possibly have the potential to be the most naturally imbued, and most trained magic wielder of all mortal unicorns, and you come across a locked door, in the bowels of a castle ruin of the princesses, behind the locked door is a barrier that far exceeds the power of mortal ponies... and you decide to try PICKING THAT LOCK TOO!!! Curiosity killed the cat, or in this case the unicorn, anypony???
I know that she was tortured, humiliated, assaulted... and that has flavored her fears into passionate bloodcurdling terror. I can see that she is in a panicked state... But this is Twilight, and I hope she comes to her senses without too much argument. I hope Applejack can reach her without losing the head off her neck either...
That much effort to bind that much evil away should show that there is a desire for evil to BE BANISHED. An evil Luna would not lock her evil away, she would hide it within and lie. I see Luna as having won a powerful battle with her inner self, but the evil is only imprisoned, and not purged. I feel that the elements of harmony will still need to be called upon, and I feel they will have to be used to purge the Nightmare, and save Celestia both. The problem, is that the camaraderie of friendship is so strained right now, I don't think the elements can even function or choose the bearers of their spirit yet.
Twilight is going to continue being a problem... I think even more than Rainbow. She is loyal to Celestia to a fault, and to the exception of Luna. In the canon story, this left them never conflicting with one another... Here, Twilight and Rainbow are both very much at odds, not only with each other, but against other friends as well. Rarity has no faith in Rainbow, and because AJ and Rainbow are so close, Rarity does not trust the Honesty of AJ. Pinkie, Rainbow, and AJ don't trust the unicorns because they attacked Luna, at the risk of the innocent Fluttershy. Rainbow wants blood. AJ, I think, wants answers, and maybe some vengeance at the very least. Rainbow I think doesn't even care about answers, with her unbridled fury at the Fluttershy incident.
I look forward to seeing what ultimately will bring these horrifically strained relationships back into harmony.
Also... time is so cruel, making us wait for updates!
Also, the Lyra thing really came out of the blue. That was a complete surprise. I'll see where it goes, though I'm not sure how it bears with the elements of harmony. It seems peaceful where they are at. I'm not sure how the wolves play into things either. Confusion has set in! I may need to re read the end when I'm less tired.
ReplyDeleteThe thing that hurts most while reading, isn't the physical pains. It's seeing the strains between ponies who should absolutely love each other. I love this story, but I want to see it resolve to completion... I also have a bad feeling that by the end of this story, they may NEED the rejuvenation effect of the elements of harmony. I have a very sinking feeling that things will get rough for the girls.
I just hope in this alternate reality, that they eventually learn to trust each other and stand together rather than apart.
I also liked serene Luna... though I have a lingering suspicion that there might be a little pride in her trying to deal with the Nightmare on her own. I think she wants to claim her redemption on her own, and not have it merely handed to her as it was in the canon reality. I think Luna knows this. She willingly handed over the elements to Twilight.
There is the possibility that she wishes to use them herself, and hopes that Twilight can unlock them. I still think her intentions are good though.
It could also be her backup if she fails to redeem herself fully.
I also have concerns about the fact that the barrier was open during Twilights torture. I worry if ALL of the Nightmare is still contained... though I think Luna may have "reminded" the nightmare who had taken charge... That scene made me smirk.
So need updates. Love this fic!
Okay, let's keep in mind that not only was Twilight bout to get raped...she was bout to get tentacle raped...guro style. Yikes.
ReplyDeleteSo much for that "LIGHT" Grimdark tag, eh? HAW HAW HAW. And the ponies sure are cursing alot. Granted, the *actual* level of profanity is well below what your average middle schooler says, but still.
Goodness, sorry for the lateness of replies- life's been awkward.
ReplyDelete@DoctorWhooves-
Glad you're liking it mate, hope it's not too crazy of a loop I threw you with Lyra- though I willna comment on the "raised by wolves" thing atm.
@Speedingturtle
Nice name, lol. And thank you, the Lyra thing was something I'm fond of. Next chapter sir, is dare I say, imminent!
@TF
shit has ALWAYS been real ;)
@DPV111
dat pmv, make it.
@Tosxychor
Wow dude, thank you so much for that. Character tension has been the focal point of this work, and to read your words feels great pony. As to the time twixt updates- I'm Sorry! I really am, life is a bitch and writing fiction is like, really hard!
@Richfiles
Holy shit man, first, thank you for taking the time to not only read, but write up so much about my story. I really feel that, and most of your ruminations are spot-on with what I was going for. Without giving too much away, I can say the sixth paragraph of your first post is getting very, very close so something pivotal. Again, thanks for your thoughts, and I hope you enjoy chapter 7 enough to drop some more comments!
@SunRay
"really disturbing"? Not sure I'm following you. Lyra and Octavia aren't being portrayed as "divine watchers", they just… have a different perspective on matters, to say the least.
As to the grove itself imparting oracle-like abilities- no, nothing like that.
@mycutiemarkisagun
Heh, sorry for the throw there. And yes, my ponies curse. It's hard to have pathos dealt with believably with everyone going "gosh" and "dang it". My apologies if that turns you off.
Good chapter, as always. Don't really have anything to say, but this story needz shipping :3
ReplyDeleteJust kidding. Keep up the good work, Seattle.
One thing I liked about this chapter is that Dash and AJ were coming to the same conclusions regarding what was happening at about the same time as I was. There was no telegraphed plot twists or ass-pulled realizations. Their minds were working through the problem realistically.
ReplyDeleteI'll sum up my thoughts on this fic through the words of a less than well known elite mage. "Oh Shit!"
ReplyDeleteAUGH DAMNIT SEATTLE. YOU AND CLIFFHANGERS!!
ReplyDeleteI look forward to the next chapter..you magnificent bastard.
@IAndster
ReplyDeleteThanks mate!
@Sun Ray
Yeah, that was the original intent for focus. As things developed, the momentum of the story forced me to get a larger picture going.
@TF
*nods* I was really pleased with that in particular- going for a realistic and logical development, where-in Dash and AJ figure things out for themselves in a believable way. Glad you're still with me moving into Ch 8.
@Bloodranz
lol, awesome
@Speedingturtle
C'mon man, cliffhangers are my *thing*, you should know that by now! Lol, see you next update!
Withdrawal...
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to add that.
--shivers--
Love this. One of my favourites. I wish it'd focus just a little more on RD as it did in the start, but I won't complain if you chose to keep on going as you are now.
ReplyDeletePart 8 soon? : )
ReplyDeleteAlllllmost done with Ch 8. Sorry for the wait guys, this one's been really tough- a lot of things in this one that demand great care to weave together. Not to mention I've got a huge review thread over on PC to maintain.
ReplyDelete@P1rate,
I know how you feel. One of the upcoming chapters will be almost entirely Dash-centric.
I can't read any more of this. I tried, and I was reluctant to even read Chapter 8. I had to push myself to finish it in the vain hope that something would be explained, but I was disappointed again.
ReplyDeleteSeattle, you're not a bad writer, and honestly, you don't even necessarily have a bad story here. But every time I read a chapter, I hope that one of the many questions you've raised will be answered... but they never are. Instead, the opposite occurs, and MORE questions are raised. And then more. And then more. It's just a constant stream of events with no explanation anywhere, and it's PAINFUL.
It feels like you're going out of your way to keep the reader as ignorant as possible about everything that has happened before and is happening presently--mysterious conversations lacking context, character amnesia, things happening off-scene, characters acting upon undefined motivations, etc. Mystery is cool, don't get me wrong, but too much of it and the reader will lose perspective. That's what's happened here, and I'm done. I've lost interest, and it's not going to come back.
I don't know if you'll much care or not, and it certainly seems you're too far into the story to change anything now--even if you wanted to--but I figure any author needs feedback to improve. Even if it is the opinion of some nobody who has no public credibility with writing.
On the other hand, there also seem to be plenty of readers who love it and are on the edge of their seat, so maybe it's just me. Whatever. Take it as you will.
Hm. If anypony involved in this mess had some grand master scheme, I think its safe to say that it is completely fucked now.
ReplyDelete@Slepter
ReplyDeleteAlright, I'll say this: the Lyra-as-mysterious-spirit-guide-or-something (FIND UR SOULMATE HOMER!) stuff was so off-putting I actually felt embarrassed to be reading it and wound up skipping the rest of it.
But on the bright side...
1) a Dragon going H.A.M and wrecking pony ass? With all the Grimdark fics I read, how come I've NEVER seen that scenario play out before? Weird. “he bit the Pegasus guard nearly in half! Yeah....DON'T FUCK WITH DRAGONS, KIDS!
2) After reading To Be An Alicorn, I'm all about the "Immortality Sucks" trope. So Luna's "We envy your kind" speech rocked hard imo. Matter of fact, Luna's characterization is one of the things that keeps me coming back to this fic. She's one mystery that DOES work in this story.
3) lol Rarity has PTSD now.
4) "You’re gonna...have’ta ride me” Comedy ensues. ^_^
@Seattle_Lite
lol, nah I prefer foul-mouthed ponies actually.
Another good chapter.
ReplyDeleteWhoa, Twilight almost caused a war with the Dragons
Rarity will need a lot of help after all of this
Rainbow almost killed her (former?) idol
Applejack, well shes still the level-headed one, only her pride hurt maybe by being captured
I dont believe the guards/government has anything good in story for Twilight and friends. :S
@Slepter
ReplyDeleteWell mate, I am sorry to hear that, but I have to admit I take some umbrage to your complaints. Now I suppose I could have dropped a two hundred page chapter that would have got us all right to end of things for all the answers, but that doesn't seem to actually be the real issue here, as there are a *multitude* of hints throughout the story.
The way I see it, this is about writer and reader respect. I *respect* my readers enough not to hammer the same details at them over and over. Not to feel the need to consistently remind them "Oh hey this happened two chapters ago don't forget cuz it's really important!"
Now… I know there's a vast tolerance difference for this style between digital and printed media. One of my favorite authors - Steven Erickson - writes 1000+ page books in a ten book series that he just finished. The Entire Thing is reliant upon YOU putting pieces together with the pieces you have so far. I'm half-way through the tenth book and I STILL don't know for sure wtf's going on, lol.
Point being, if 8 chapters at give or take 20 pages each is just too long of a wait for you to obtain resolution, then I'm sorry.
Please understand I don't mean to come off as combative here, it's just that this issue is pretty close to my chest given the state of my country's literacy these days (that is NOT an insult to you in any way). In any case, I wish you all the best Slepter. Thanks for taking the time to tell me what you really think.
Cheers.
@TF
Huh. I wouldn't be so sure 'bout that.
@mycutiemarkisagun
-dragon thing-
I know right?? That struck me as so odd, considering how badass it could be.
… No, wait, there IS one fic that… shit, I don't remember the name of it, it involved a dragon war that through some ridiculous plot device the ponies won.
You no like my Lyra?! Lol, sorry mate.
Cheers, and thanks for the comments!
@DoctorWhooves
Thank you sir, glad you liked it!
-the government thing-
I've been waiting to get to this part for SO long.
Your links at the end of Chapter 8 have an error.
ReplyDelete“Hearts of Gold, Feathers of Steel”
“Summer Days and Evening Flames”
BOTH link to the “Hearts of Gold, Feathers of Steel” page.
Just giving you a heads up.
@Seattle_Lite
ReplyDeleteI think can kinda understand this guy' Slepter's issue.
The deal is, with so much content flowing into EqD, and nice chunks of time between chapter releases, it can be very VERY easy to confuse facts between stories, forget details, and then wonder... Wait, what???
I think he would not have this complaint If he waits till the story reaches completion and reads it in one sitting.
It's the time between chapter updates that makes it "feel" drawn out. That's a false feeling in my opinion, but it feels that way regardless to some.
I personally would love to see some answers, but I'll check out other stories in the mean time. To fill in that wait. I for one, look forward to seeing this interesting story reach completion.
It's sad to see that Luna's desire to "figure out her own redemption" is already causing pain, and even death. She needs the elements of harmony to purge the Nightmare she has locked up, but her struggle to free herself of it drove the final keys to defeating it apart, and let the world collapse into a fearful chaos.
Poor Luna is still going to be reviled by ponies, because none of the pain would have happened if the Elements had been allowed to follow her sister's plan... All because of some pride.
Sometimes, it's OK to allow others to forgive you. You don't always have to prove yourself first. Poor, poor Luna, and all her little ponies.
@Seattle_Lite
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, a 1000+ page ten-book series was not what I signed up for when I started reading. When I read fanfiction, I assume that it's going to be anywhere from somewhat light to moderate reading. I don't expect the author to coddle the reader with useless information, or drill the important bits into our head, and I appreciate that you don't do that. In fact, I happen to run an online d20 Modern game, and I'm incredibly guilty of using Chekhov's gun on more than one occasion.
To be honest, if I'd sat down to read your story with the intention of trying to process a novel or two's worth of information all at once, then yeah, I'd have probably waited for the every chapter to come out, and judged it based upon its merits then (understanding that I'm in it for the long haul the entire time). But even that's assuming that I could read a Steven Erickson series. I've never heard of the author or read any of his stuff before, but from the sounds of it, I wouldn't enjoy it.
The state of the country's literacy has nothing to do with my problems with your story, so let's just leave that apple in its basket. I do not take what you wrote as an insult, but a good story or even a good novel does not need to be so evasive with its basic information.
However!
If you're imitating a style, then that's different! I understand that! I just wish I'd known before I started reading it. I can appreciate how that writing style is appealing to you! That's great, and I think that you pay Steven Erickson great homage with your work! However, just because you like it doesn't mean that everyone else will, too.
And I wasn't asking for resolution by 160 pages in. I've read plenty of novels well over a thousand pages myself, but by the time I reached page 160 of those novels, I didn't have another question for each page I had read. Do you understand what I mean?
You HAVE to have suspense. Questions are what drive the reader! There should ALWAYS be something the reader doesn't know about. But not so many that it becomes incomprehensible. When literally ANYTHING can happen on the next page and the reader is still supposed to be shocked, after a while, the reader is going to lose the capacity to be shocked. Without context, isolated random events are easy to forget. By the time it gets explained, no one will care. I hope what I'm saying is making sense. I know the events happening all make sense to you because you're the puppetmaster, but to us, they seem unprovoked.
This is all probably going in one ear and out the other anyway, because you eat this stuff up. And I understand that. In the end, it just wasn't for me, and if this is the writing style of your favorite author, then I'd be proud of you if I were him, because it's otherwise really good stuff. I mean it.
@Slepter
ReplyDeleteYou didn't sign up for anything. If you have trouble comprehending the plot, and feel so strongly about it you have to write an essay of complaints, to the writer, then I don't think you should read it. I have no trouble understanding the plot and love the way Seattle writes. So it's obviously just a matter of personal preference.
Keep it up Seattle.
Pegasus wings being weapons is also canon. See: a Bird In The Hoof.
ReplyDeleteAs for the plot: hic sunt dracones. It's an alternate universe (practically), so confusion and uncertainty are to be expected. I admit, for me it was a bit difficult to read in that regard (more and more and more things happening), but I'm still enjoying it.
@P1rate
ReplyDeleteYes, I did sign up for something, though I didn't realize it at the time. And no, I shouldn't read it. If you actually read what I wrote, you'd have seen that I wrote that like two or three times. I also stated that it was a matter of personal preference at least twice. Might want to read things before you reply to them.
@Slepter
ReplyDeleteAll perfectly fair points sir. I'm glad that there are no foul airs between us. As a singular matter though, I would very much like to point out I'm not consciously attempting to imitate a style, though our influences do seem to show themselves regardless of our own efforts. Nevertheless, rather more because of your disinclination to continue reading than in spite of it, I very much appreciate your compliments. Thank you.
I feel at this point I owe you, and by extenuation everyone following this story, something of an apology… or at least an explanation- When I sat down and began writing this thing, I had no idea it was going to be as long as it is. That moving a mighty 2.5 bullet-points along my main arch was going to entail 20 bloody pages. This has been my first foray into the realm of writing fiction, and it has been both incredibly rewarding, and at times I've wanted to tear my hair out.
I'm not certain what you meant by "This is all probably going in one ear and out the other anyway, because you eat this stuff up." but I assure you that's not the case. I value any feedback from anyone who takes the time to talk to me about my work.
In any event, I'm sorry to have lost you as a reader. I wish I could identify what feels incoherent and random given the information presented so far, (beyond the mystery I've created) but as you note, I'm a bit too close to it all to assume any measure of objectivity.
Slepter, all the best to you mate.
Cheers.
@P1rate
Thank you for that sir, I appreciate it.
@Demetrius
… Huh, where have I heard that name before? Heh.
"more and more and more things happening" you say?
Yeah, hold onto your pants, we're not done yet.
FINISH THE FUCKING STORY ALREADY
ReplyDelete--
With that out of my system, I think it's safe to say that the suspense built up in the story is large enough to make most of the readers go mad.
I'm dying for the end and everything leading up to it.
That was a great fight scene, but I too am growing impatient to see some reveals and resolution. While I assume someone's going to start explaining things at Canterlot in the next chapter, the suspense went from enjoyable to aggravating about two chapters ago. There's suspense, and then there's just not telling the reader anything.
ReplyDeletei just got to this story recently and i love it, i also read all 8 chapters at once, and so i'm not suffering from the need for resolution just yet, but i can see how the suspense could be killing people if they've been strung along since the beginning. Still a very good story and i'm looking forward to more.
ReplyDeleteWhoa, this update snuck by me.
ReplyDeleteSO GOOD. So much suspense right now though eugheuhgehguehguhaoehra
Sorry friends, this story is on hiatus. I always promised myself I wouldn't ever be "that guy" with a fic, and believe me, I REALLY want to finish it.
ReplyDeleteHowever, in case you haven't noticed, there's a revolutionary phenomena sweeping the US, and indeed the world, right now. My work demands I be in the heart of it all, so I've been organizing on-the-ground and duly evading riot police for the past month.
I'll be back on this story as soon as I possibly can. You all have my most serious apologies.
Seattle, I think i speak for everyone when i say i completely understand. March with solidarity my brother, and keep the dream alive. I'll be keeping my eyes open for your fic, but whatever you do stay safe out there.
ReplyDeleteI, too, eagerly await your return and continuation. Your story is definitely my favourite of its kind.
ReplyDeleteChapter 9 incoming :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy to hear this! ^^^ yay!
ReplyDeleteHow did things turn out in regards to your actions earlier, might I ask? Things tend to be rather quiet in hicksvillewehaveafallbeerfestival USA, politically, that is...
/)-_-
Celestia Damn it,why do authors love Cliffhangers so much when readers hate them,especially since we dont know when you will grace us with a new chapter, i really hope soon.
ReplyDeleteSo the council isnt sure what the role of the 6 are,but the soldiers simply assume their to blame for the vanishing of Celestia.
Hope Rainbow wont end up in a coma from all the torture, and we will see Twilight's magic outburst again i assume.
mother-fucking-finaly-YES!!!!
ReplyDelete:dance: this is one of the first storys i started reading! yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyeysyesyesyeysyesyesyeysyesYES!
But how much is actually going to be left of Rainbow when Twilight goes down to see her?
ReplyDeleteI mean, fuck... They had already beaten the shit out of her before they even gotten her into the dungeon...
Also wanna say that it's been about four hours, and what happened in this chapter has been nagging me at the back of my mind the entire time. And that hasn't happened to me since the first few chapters of The Empty Room.
ReplyDeleteSo... congratulations? You've legitimately unsettled me.
Oh my...
ReplyDeleteI demand more. Please, please, PLEASE post the next chapter soon.
@richfiles
ReplyDeleteThings are on-going mate. There'd be a lot to go into, an this isn't exactly the place to do it, thanks for asking though, and I hope you enjoyed ch9!
@DocWhooves
Heh, cmon man, cliffhangers are my thing. You can expect a twist or two ahead, and it's entirely possible Twi may go boom.
@Anzul
Heh, hope you liked it, and sorry for the absurdly long wait.
@TF
Ah, my dear TF, that is the highest compliment you could have paid me. An no worries, I've got a handy surprise in store for Dash being "whole" when Twi gets to her... one that actually makes the entire situation ten-fold more volatile... but hey, we can't have everything, right?
@Temporal Walker
I'll certainly do my best. Time is an extraordinarily sparse commodity for me these days.
So yeah everyone, thanks for remembering my little story. I treasure every comment and bit of feedback I get, especially having taken such a lengthy hiatus between chapters 8 and 9... which makes me sad in that not many people are likely to recall and read it, me thinks. In any case, ground is already well-broken on ch 10. Be safe al!
Update anytime soon?
ReplyDeleteAlso how will the others cope with this situation, Rainbow assumed that Twilight was taken by force (and the other too probably assumed it?) ,when they see her throwing orders around to the guards it will be interesting.
ReplyDeleteThis story is slowly unraveling into an enigma of confusion, hate, disbelief, fear, and pain... Me like!
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I'd almost forgotten about this fic. Now that I have my laptop, I will never have to rely on my crappy a** memory again. yay for harddrives!
ReplyDeleteSo, option 1: "Before she disappeared, Princess Celestia left a letter instructing us to collect you by name and bring you to Canterlot. Now, I'm sure you have a lot of questions, but I don't have any answers for you. You'll have to ask the High Council, and I'm going to have to insist you come with us right now."
ReplyDeleteOption 2: No talk, let the beatings begin! That's sure to make them comply without any trouble! Oh, and be sure you maim and torture that one, she's on the list of ponies we're specifically supposed to bring in unharmed.
...oh yeah, and throw in a little gratuitous beating for the one who's cowering in the corner, she looks dangerous!
ReplyDeleteI'm getting really disgusted by this fic. Luna asks everypony to trust and help her, then gives them no reason whatsoever to do so. The dragons can't possibly understand how tearing apart buildings in a city could be construed as a hostile act. The royal guards repeatedly go out of their way to defy their orders, which come directly from a royal decree. Oh, and Lyra is some kind of pseudo-Fae for no apparent reason.
I had to force myself to read this past chapter. Not because awful things happen -- I love Fallout Equestria -- but because I had to work to dredge up some interest. It picked up toward the end, but if the next chapter doesn't start revealing and fixing things, I'm gone.
@Seattle_Lite
ReplyDeleteSo... How goes this story? I do so very much miss it.
This is one of the earliest stories that got me into MLP fics. I hope to see you release a chapter soon.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT! A NEW CHAPTER!
ReplyDeletei have been waiting for this for far too goodam long! ;_;
daam... last update was in february...?
by the way, Seattle_Lite, back in october you mentioned that there was something going on whit your job and some "revolutionary phenomena" and "evading riot police" what was it about? and how did it end up all? you ok dude?