• Story: From the Ashes (Update Part 19!)

    [Normal]

    Author: Benjamin Lawe
    Description: A stranger has limped his way into Ponyville and into the lives of everyone's favourite little ponies. Burdened by his traumatic past and the unwavering desire to make things right, he may be putting the friends he's come to love in danger. Can the Elements of Harmony teach him to forgive or will he remain determined to show Princess Luna that her unnatural night brought with it disastrous consequences?
    From the Ashes (New Chapter 19!)

    Additional Tags: Forgiveness, Vengeance, Justice, Injustice, Friendship

    82 comments:

    1. anyone else really hate that pic

      ReplyDelete
    2. @Anonymous I don't fancy the style, but I don't hate it.

      Different tastes for different ponies, after all.

      ReplyDelete
    3. sounds very interesting

      ReplyDelete
    4. Before I begin, is it complete or incomplete?

      ReplyDelete
    5. This fic reads a lot like another fic that's been featured on EqD- 'Vagabond'. A little too much like it in some places. :/

      ReplyDelete
    6. Pinkamina Diane PieJune 16, 2011 at 1:36 AM

      @Homfrog

      I read the two parts. I'm almost positive that it's incomplete, so you might not want to read it just because you don't want to have to wait. I have to admit though, it is a great story.

      ReplyDelete
    7. wow! i've never seen a more poorly concealed display of copycat plagerism. this is nearly identical to The Vagabond. injured pony, male at that, carried by Rainbow Dash to Fluttershy's, pony has a dark past and ... you know what? i'm just going to call this pathetic and leave it alone. furthermore i'm going to advise that not a single person read this crap. to the author, i say make up something that is fucking original. The Vagabond was groundbreaking and great. this is pure bullshit.

      ReplyDelete
    8. I like the style of the pic but think it was pushed a little too far... They look too much like deer.

      ReplyDelete
    9. Yeah... Fluttershy looks like a mutant in that picture, and Twi seems to have turned into a mule. It isn't so bad, but the eyes and ears really need to be smaller.

      As for the story, I liked it. I would have liked it more if there was some clarity as to how much time has passed between Marco leaving West Apple Acres and arriving in Ponyville, however.

      Seems to me like he was more or less a foal / teenager when his farm burnt down, but when he shows up at Fluttershy's cottage he behaves like an adult.

      Also, Trollestia has struck again. This time she's gone too far, IMO. I hope the author is going for an 'evil tyrant' interpretation of Celest, because I don't think what she did to Marco can be justified.

      Sure, he needs to learn to let go of his hatred, but maybe after he's recovered from his ordeals and had a nice cup of tea with Luna or something. Sending him into yet another nightmare just seems cruel now.

      ReplyDelete
    10. ^ Celestia took the best course of action. Either he will learn to forgive and forget and realize that Luna =/= Nightmare Moon or he will die. If it was my sister in lunas place I would have just killed the guy right there. Family Comes first over petty ill aimed vengeance. Pony had his head to far up his flank to realize. SO either he pulls it out or he suffocates in his own shit.

      ReplyDelete
    11. Are you freaking serious? This is just a slightly modified copy of The Vagabond!

      ReplyDelete
    12. complete and utter plagiarism of the vagabond story which really makes me mad I'm a friend of the author for Vagabond

      ReplyDelete
    13. @Anonymous

      You'd have your head up your ass too if your village was burnt down and everyone you knew was killed.

      Celestia could have done anything, and yet she chose to give him a choice between forgiving her sister or dying? That's unfairly abusing your powers. Especially since Luna really is responsible for what happened to this guy.

      Since everyone is calling plagiarism on this story, I might actually have to go read Vagabond...

      ReplyDelete
    14. Stealing stories ain't cool bro. Next time try coming up with your own idea.

      ReplyDelete
    15. her fault? pony please! true Nightmare Moon came into existance because of Luna being a selfish and envious lil idiot, but she wasnt in control when NMM burned the guys villaige down. Lauren Faust has said it, that Nightmare moon isnt luna, Nightmare is an evil entity/magic that possessed her. By your logic we should arrest the men and women who have children who turn out to be rapists and murderers. Go check yourself foal

      ReplyDelete
    16. This comment has been removed by the author.

      ReplyDelete
    17. @Darryl Plagiarism is a strong word, and it truly does hurt to have a story you've worked hard on accused as such. I can understand that some elements seem strangely familiar, but in my eyes, making the leap to plagiarism is rather harsh. Despite what parralels can be drawn, this story is my own. I can accept that some characters are presented in a strangely similar way, but to go on to say I copied someone's story is, well, insulting.
      If you truly are a friend of the author I'm accused of copying, you'd be doing me a huge favor if you contacted him and let him know about this fic. I'd like him to have a read and judge for himself.

      ReplyDelete
    18. @Ben I am the author of The Vagabond. And I have read your story. In my oppinion, you have either knowingly or not, used a great many of the same plot devices as I. That said, your style is different and I will admit you are well skilled at verbal descriptions. If you used plot devices from my work intentionally, I would encourage you to be more creative, you have a gift for stories. If you did not use my plot devices, then I cannot fault you for ignorance, and would venture so far as to say 'I feel honored not only to have others stick up for my work but, would you be willing to speak with me personally? I have a proposition for you.' In either case I harbor no hard feelings toward you Ben. If you wish to contact me, my phone number is 757-779-0385.

      ReplyDelete
    19. Also Ben, have you read The Vagabond? If not then I would whole-heartedly appreciate the input of another writer of similar quality and standing as my own.

      ReplyDelete
    20. @Anonymous

      NMM didn't burn shit. Did you even read the story?

      So Luna is innocent because she was consumed by hatred, yet this guy is guilty even though he's clearly driven by vengeance? You talk about logic but you don't seem to understand the concept.

      ReplyDelete
    21. ^ you two STFU. Celestia did what was necessary to maintain the peace and prosperity Equestria enjoys. If this guy getting vengeance would destabilize everything it wasnt worth it. The Needs of Many preside over the Needs of One.

      ReplyDelete
    22. Also can we confirm if this work is indeed plagiarized?

      ReplyDelete
    23. For those saying this is plagiarized, while its true this story starts off a lot like the vagabond if you actually read it you'd realise the plot couldn't be more different.
      I guess the way in which the characters are introduced is what is setting off alarm bells, but in introducing the mane 6, your options are already limited.

      ReplyDelete
    24. Where did Faust say Nightmare Moon was a different being? I thought it was Luna losing control of herself?

      ReplyDelete
    25. Reading Vagabond (for the first time) after reading the comments here, I found that there are indeed some very close parallels between the two stories, but like the Anon 2 comments up said, they are both very different stories.
      While Vagabond is about overcoming a terrible mistake and learning to forgive one's self, this story revolves around learning to forgive others for their misdeeds.
      While some of the story's elements could have/should be more original, the plot stands well enough on its own.
      On another note about the story, Celestia's actions seemed a bit over the top. Even if he did manage to fool her and sneak into Canterlot, what could a simply earth pony possibly do to an alicorn such as Luna? Sure, she may be still recovering her powers from being possessed by NMM, but she could easily defend herself against him.

      ReplyDelete
    26. @Soljer13

      Go reference Star Trek to someone who cares, brony.

      ReplyDelete
    27. hmmmmmm i don't quite know what to say. im not going to jump the gun and immediately scream plagiarism but some of the parts of the story are striking similar to Vagabond.....a bit too similar. However it would be best to just wait and see what develops in the rest of the story. in no way am i trying to say that stealing ideas is okay just lets not loose our heads just cause of 1 story.
      -Mack

      ReplyDelete
    28. @Anonymous

      Exactly what I was thinking, anon. McMarco (seriously, what kind of a name is that?) probably didn't even have a plan for how to hurt Luna.

      Maybe if he kidnapped the mane 6 and knew how to replicate the moon-banishment spell, then Celestia's actions might have been justified. But he's just an earth pony trying to kill a god.

      ReplyDelete
    29. @Ben I'm the author of The Vagabond, and I have read your story Ben, the question is have you taken time to read mine?

      You have indeed used the same plot devices as I (weather knowingly or not). That said, the first half of the first chapter seems very familiar, but the rest of it branches out very nicely. Our styles are distinctly similar, you obviously have some skill with verbal descriptions, I will admit.

      If you intentionally used my plot devices, then I would like to encourage you to be more creative since you clearly have a gift for stories. If you did not intentionally use my plot devices then I cannot fault you for ignorance, and would chalk the similarities up to the old saying 'Great minds think alike.'

      In either case there are no hard feelings between you and I. I feel honored that readers would stick up for my work and appreciate it greatly.

      To you personally Ben, I have a proposition. Shoot me a message on Flankbook and we'll talk.

      ReplyDelete
    30. First off I would like to apologize. I made my comment after only reading the first half of the first chapter. My friend pointed something out to me and i will go back and read the whole thing. again I apologize. It was inconciderate to say things without reading the entire story.

      ReplyDelete
    31. @Truthseeker
      Thank you Truthseeker, this is exactly the kind of response I was hoping for. I have read the Vagabond in its entirety, and in hindsight I am shocked by the parallels. To be clear, I in no way 'intended' to replicate your plot devices, and I can assure you this story's direction is distinctly different.

      I am committed to telling my own story, but I am also committed to avoid trampling on the work of someone else in the process.

      If there are any particular elements you would prefer me to edit, it can be done since the introduction of the characters is not directly related to the plot. While I don't relish detracting from my original method of storytelling, I wouldn't think twice if it were making you and your fan-base uncomfortable.

      In any case, I'll hit you up on Flankbook.

      @Darryl , No hard feelings bro, I understand how you thought that way and i respect you for defending the author. I really appreciate your apology.

      ReplyDelete
    32. Yay conflict resolution. Everypony wins
      - Mack

      ReplyDelete
    33. @Anonymous
      You know what this calls for?



      A PARTY!

      ReplyDelete
    34. We, of all people should be able to successfully negotiate a peaceful settlement of any kind of non life-threatening disagreement.
      Brony love.
      Agape love.
      Same thing.

      ReplyDelete
    35. Getting good feelings about this fic. Can't really rate until I get more, but from what I've seen, I won't have any trouble giving it a five.

      But damn it all if this doesn't always happen; I see a new fic posted, check it out to see if it's any good, see that yes, it really is and then- no more updates!

      And dat part 3: Strange and powerful magic! Tyrant!Celestia! Insurrection! Zecora! The waiting's gonna drive me nuts.

      ReplyDelete
    36. Anyone remember Faust's post on how Zecora was supposed to speak Swahili?

      Well I threw that bit on the first page into a translator and got this:

      "What makes the moon feel especially heavy this night?"
      "What is the weight I feel in you? Your light is like tears, without hatred or fear, but dark in the regret of a thousand years"

      Heavy stuff... wonder what it means?

      ReplyDelete
    37. @Anonymous

      I call shenanigans on you. There's no way a digital translator could come up with anything that coherent.

      If it is genuine then, yeah, that does sound kind of epic.

      As for chapter 4, I have to say there was a little too much medicare and not enough drama for my tastes. I liked the exposition on Luna and the activity in Canterlot, even if it seems to me like the guards are in for a disappointingly boring shift. Not sure what a single, unconscious earth pony is going to threaten a goddess.

      Unless, of course, the guards aren't there for Marco. Is Celestia expecting her sister to go berserk? Maybe once she hears about what happened to West Apple Acres, she won't be able to contain Nightmare Moon anymore. Exciting.

      ReplyDelete
    38. @Stephen Cawking

      Try it yourself:
      http://www.ackuna.com/Swahili/

      I got the feeling that things are coming to a point. Pinkie's got the jitters, the guards are bracing for impact, Luna is actually being introduced... things are about to get hectic.

      I'm also not sure what Marco could do, but I'm betting he has an ace in the hole... after all, he was planning on waging a one pony war on Luna before Celestia put him in his place.

      He might be blinded by rage, but he's no idiot. He must have a plan.

      ReplyDelete
    39. This is a great story so far. I've finished reading Part 4.

      I'll throw my two bits into the discussion here:

      I'm rooting for Marco. Both he and Luna seem to share a common thread; both were overcome by their inner pain. The big difference being that Luna transformed into Nightmare Moon and took the opportunity to vent the jealousy she felt toward her sister, and that Celestia tried persuasion before resorting to force; whereas Marco is a just-recovered victim who barely began his plan of revenge when Celestia coldly and brutally intervened. The token attempt at persuasion and the act of forcing him to confront his inner self and possibly die from the experience is, I think, terribly cruel and tyrant-like of Celestia, who has no idea of how much pain and torment he's gone through.

      Soljer13 stated, "The Needs of Many preside over the Needs of One."

      Justice is blind, as the famous quote says.

      Under that scenario, Luna should not be extended special protections because she is Celestia's sister, or out of concern for the "peace and prosperity" of Equestria. If Luna had neither connection, and was instead a mortal pony like Marco, would Celestia's actions still be justified? Personally, I don't think so. Instead of abusing her power by causing him even more torment, she could take the diplomatic route and act as a mediator between Marco and Luna.

      In any event, the story is still unfolding. I look forward to when it's finished.

      ReplyDelete
    40. >She still didn’t like it, but she knew better than to challenge Fluttershy when a pony’s wellbeing was at steak.

      -Steak ? ...hum, I think that isn't the right word, right ? ;)

      ReplyDelete
    41. Also...

      Celestia went into *paranoic-overkill much* mode or something ?

      Doubling the guards of the Castle and ALL of Canterlot, and placing them on alert... for ONE pony ?!

      Ok, sure... One angry pony... with no magic, no powers, relatively weak, with no means, no weapons, and a few miles from a FORTIFIED city with gates-guards-and all !

      Unless it is revealved that this pony is Pony-satan incarnated or something... Yeah... Overkill much +10 Vorpal.

      ReplyDelete
    42. @Nova25
      lol... fixed. Thanks for the heads up.

      As for all the action going on over at Canterlot, it does seem rather irrational to send the guard into a frenzy.

      Maybe Celestia knows something she's not telling.

      Or maybe something else is at play...

      ...who knows? Well I do, but you'll have to wait and see :P

      ReplyDelete
    43. @Ben
      I place my bet on some sort of *Spirit of Rage* that will emerge from the min/subcouncious of that one Angry Pony.

      It's the classic, yet not very used formula of -->Huge negative emotion+catalyst = creation of Negative Spirit force.
      (saw simillar thing in a few books/games)

      ReplyDelete
    44. Heavy stuff. Although I do hope McMarco (what kind of a name is that?) has some kind of trick up his sleeve beyond throwing sleeping potions at everyone. Like, for example, being able to channel Nightmare Moon or whatever. Because if he hasn't, then I'd be disappointed if he doesn't end up dead moments after breaching Canterlot's walls.

      I mean he's bleeding and they know he's coming. At least, I hope Celestia had the sense to drop her 'be mysterious' act long enough to tell the guards to watch out for an earth pony intruder right when she's raising the sun. Perhaps also inform Luna or something. At the very least, the moon goddess can just fly away from this injured assassin.

      Anyways, I think Rarity could have been written better in this chapter. She says a few things which sound really out of character. Such as:

      "whatever’s going on in that guy’s head, it’s chaos in there."

      I can't imagine her speaking so plainly, or using the word 'guy' for that matter. Still, this was a good read and I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

      ReplyDelete
    45. I LOVE IT i love stories about strangers meeting the mane cast with wierd stuff happening. thats why i liked Vagabond and this!

      ReplyDelete
    46. DAMN, SON. Mane 6 and Zecora out for the count and what amounts to a walking chemical weapon is out for Luna's blood and marching on Canterlot? Shit just got real. Can't wait for more of this.

      ReplyDelete
    47. @Stephen Cawking

      I'd like to think that as this latest chapter has unfolded, the kinds of things Marco is capable of are starting to come to light... Yes, he may be a bit heavy handed with the sleeping gas insofar, but don't go thinking he will be so dependent on non-lethal means when faced with a foe he harbors no feelings towards.

      You're also spot on about the three distinct divisions going on at Canterlot. Celestia seems to be doing her best to make the whole thing mysterious, Luna arguably even more so, considering her lack of involvement. The guard on the other hand are prepped and ready for anything, and with a determined royal captain at their head who actually knows what to look for...
      Yes... as it stands, Poor Marco doesn't seem to have a chance. Hell, he's still a long way from the city, smack bang in the middle of the forest that has already given him so much grief. And this time it's the middle of the night... and he's injured and running out of time.
      I don't want readers to count him out just yet, but instead scratch their heads at just who the hell is this guy they have been reading about, and how does he intend to rise to this overpowering challenge?

      As for 'Miss Rarity', I'll gladly admit her portrayal seems a little botched this chapter, but I honestly expected people to have more trouble accepting how far I pushed Pinkie Pie!
      But as for Rarity, I did my best to confront her with something rather fierce, and I kinda took liberties when I thought to myself if she could maintain her finesse and composure when put in such a situation. But you are right about that quote you cited. I wasn't comfortable having Rarity or Pinkie call him 'Marco' since they didn't know him. I hope that these little irregularities aren't too distracting for you guys, and the mane six stay true how you know them most of the time.

      Thanks for your input, and I'm glad your enjoying the ride...
      ...but you better buckle up if you keep making fun of his name! He's really sensitive and you don't wanna make him sad do you?
      Kidding aside, I went with the name because I thought Marco sounded cool and distinct while not opposing the style of naming when it comes to naming OC ponies. As for the 'Mc', I dunno really... I though it was a nice touch, bringing him down to earth and poking a few holes in the stereotypical 'main character with a bad-ass name' trend. It kinda also pays homage to people who think their names are kinda stupid.

      No, I'm not one of them. My name actually is Ben. Not McBen. That would be retarded.

      ReplyDelete
    48. A pony who's main mission in life is to kill Luna?
      I think the NLR miiiiggghhhttt have something to say about that...

      ReplyDelete
    49. I can't say i like it. Fluttershy, who is specifically stated NOT to have any medical training, suddenly turns out to be Universal Medical Practitioner, with magical ability to discern ponies' blood groups with sight alone. Great. And everyone is "oh Celestia is evyulz, i totally agree with this sod". Then why won't they go and kill Luna after hearing his story? They consider her responsible and agree he has every right to kill her. Why not do it themselves, they are elements of harmony, they are more likely to succeed. Out-of-characterness at its finest. Really, they are acting like a bunch of retards, and Twilight like a cowardly, spineless cretin, although i admit, they would probably try and save his life, being naive ponies they are - but they would do it despite his desire for revenge, not because of it. And Celestia holds perfect "I won't explain anything to my student after essentially killing some guy in front of her, what could possibly go wrong HURR DURR" ball - which is quite puzzling, considering she has more than one thousand years of experience in field of politics and maintaining an utopia - she could probably convince everyone that she is right and McMarco (adventurer deicidal maniac extraordinaire) is a nutcase. By the way - considering that Ponyville is very close to Everfree Forest too, why West Apple Acres (really creative of you) were attacked, and Ponyville wasn't?
      Cheers! (Confound those bronies, they drive me to walls of text)

      ReplyDelete
    50. ^What he said, basically.

      ReplyDelete
    51. @Anonymous

      Is it really that black and white to you?
      The reason i love this fic is because its so hard to tell who right and whose wrong, and what the characters should or shouldn't be doing.
      You say that that the girls agree he has the right to kill her? Hell no they don't! They might disagree on the specifics, but the consensus seems to be he didn't deserve the treatment he got, and that Trollestia was being a bitch. They quite obviously want to help him, but there's no way any of the girls want to help him with his stupid plan to kill Luna.

      Speaking of the girls, I disagree completely when you say they are out of character. I think they have been portrayed very well! The author has done a great job keeping the girls as we know them while simultaneously putting them in a situation that tests their personalities. That can't be easy, and as such, some faults come to light like Cawking and Ben talked about above, but I hardly notice them.
      Fluttershy has been shown to be more than competent with medicine in the episodes, so I had no problems with her acting like a doctor. I mean, she's just a vet or something as canon, but she's been seen handling pills, bandaging, and even a scalpel on the show. Sure that doesn't make her super-doctor, (I'm with you on the blood bit, that was pushing it) but having her fill that necessary role while staying in character is far better than the alternative: introducing a new character who can fit the bill.

      I don't want to dwell on Fluttershy though, because I think all the characters are being who they are, and acting like they would act in a hard situation like this... except Celestia. I don't want to admit it, but I share your view on the princess.
      Maybe I'm just mad because she's my favorite, but she acting... kinda dumb. The mysterious approach makes me hopeful that there's something going on we haven't seen yet, and that 'something' will hopefully redeem her actions so far. I also hope its gonna save Luna too, because let's face it... she's not allowed to die. Too many people love Luna, hell... as the anon a few up hinted at, even talking about the intent to take out everypony's absentee princess is a bold move.

      Anyway that's just what I think. Just because I disagree doesn't mean i value my opinion over yours. I hardly ever comment on stuff, but I kinda felt like I should, to balance the view because I thought differently.. you know, to give people some disparity when they think about this stuff.

      (Confound these anons, they drive me to even bigger walls of text)

      ReplyDelete
    52. @Anonymous

      I wrote this fic knowing it couldn't possibly be everybody's cup of tea, and although you say you didn't like it, I appreciate your comment, especially because it is evident you read up to a considerable point before constructing your wall of text.

      While I think that anon counter-balanced some of your points quite nicely, I'll take this chance to clear up two things:

      Believe it or not, that whole 'blood-transfusion' scene was once upon a time, a much more detailed section, but I edited a lot out for two reasons:
      1): There had already been, and was about to be more medically related content, and if I made the scene too detailed, the reader would become overloaded with boring doctor stuff...
      2): Being overly descriptive with how Fluttershy knew how to do a blood transfusion and how she knew what her friends blood types were was an incredibly slippery slope.
      Some people are genuinely interested in the blood types of their favorite fictional characters, so I couldn't assign any of the mane 6 or Marco a specific blood type, because if I said that Marco was AB+, that would make everypony else not AB+. In any case, I wasn't comfortable elaborating, because some people who read it wouldn't like me making judgments on what the mane 6's blood types were.
      Anywho, thats my attempted justification for why that scene may seem dodgy to you. Take it how you will.

      Time for a fun fact:
      In response to my naming of'West Apple Acres', I actually named it after a story my pops used to tell me about his grand-dad West who, when he came to Australia, got mad and burned down his apple orchard when nothing would grow.
      You wouldn't believe how much longer that story got when he used to tell it, but anyway... that's how it got its name.

      I don't know why you think WAA was so close to everfree forest. The forest near WAA was called evengreen.
      Actually those names are rather similar aren't they? I won't change it now, but I guess that could be a little confusing.

      Anyway, I'm sorry you didn't like my fic, but I'm grateful that you gave it the time of day before judging.

      ReplyDelete
    53. why are there so many paragraph replies

      ReplyDelete
    54. Nice story so far, there are some comparisons to vagabond in the beginning, but the farther I got into the story the more I was interested in it. I keep waiting for Marco to turn into a creature like nightmare moon or something. Anyways keep up the good work, I'm eager to hear how the ending turns out.

      ReplyDelete
    55. On a grammatical note... quotation marks should be used at the beginnings of new paragraphs when someone is speaking, but not at the ends when the next paragraph is simply a continuation of the same speech. For example:

      "I am speaking."
      "This is my speech."

      This implies that two different people have spoken.

      "I am speaking.
      "This is my speech."

      This implies that the same person is speaking throughout.
      End quotes are only used when someone has stopped talking. I had a bit of trouble reading this and keeping track of who was saying what.

      ReplyDelete
    56. @Joe England

      I see, thanks for pointing that out.
      I'll get to fixing that asap.

      -Cheers

      ReplyDelete
    57. "The Needs of Many preside over the Needs of One."

      Lol a giant robot said something like that once and got his head blown off at the end.

      Very engaging story, looking forward to the ending.

      ReplyDelete
    58. Sorry for the random advertising, but we need as much pony gun as we can get right here!

      All ponies, assemble! Ready.. Aim.. FIRE!

      http://www.terrariaonline.com/threads/ponys-1-normal-1.48486/

      ReplyDelete
    59. Wow, just wow.
      It started off kinda shaky, but I'm amazed by how much the quality of these chapters increases each time.
      I mean, the whole revenge/forgiveness motif is something you see everywhere these days, so it was a thrill to see such a unique approach to it.

      -insert spoiler here-

      Keep it up bro, I wanna know where this is heading!

      ReplyDelete
    60. hey author. you hurt luna. I hope you rot in hell.

      ReplyDelete
    61. @Anonymous
      Ah, yes... Doing that to Luna is indeed an unforgivable sin.
      I will however attempt to atone for such a travesty as she becomes a major, if not leading character as the series progresses.

      Hope you stay tuned! Despite, you know, the whole... 'rot in hell' thing...

      ReplyDelete
    62. What a Twist! all I can say is wat

      ReplyDelete
    63. >Marco is channeling Nightmare Moon

      I'd just like to say that I totally called it!

      One Final Effort was an amazing chapter. I couldn't think of much to say about it at the time, and I still can't.

      Suffice to say that the way in which Canterlot was thrown into chaos was fun to read, convincingly done and well written. The confrontation between manticore-rider Twilight and Nightmare Moon was also excellent.

      The latest chapter? I have to say, it was okay at best, disappointing at worst. The way in which Luna and Marco's confrontation fizzled out in an anticlimax was good, and pacifistic Luna made a lot of sense given the context.

      However, it felt like you skipped straight to an epilogue here, and then hurriedly threw in the beginnings of a second adventure.

      My advice is to rewrite this chapter as a proper ending and save the storm of villainous OC's for an entirely separate sequel story.

      ReplyDelete
    64. oh and rest assured that rather than 'rot in hell,' Trollestia is going to have a reward waiting for you in the afterlife, for making that anon mad

      ReplyDelete
    65. @Stephen Cawking

      Yes, you hit the nail on the head with NMM. good job!

      I get what you're saying about the whole second adventure thing, because that's essentially what it is... but it isn't a sequel. That is to say, the chapter so far might start to seem more like a prologue as the direction the story is going becomes clearer.
      So the group of OC's being thrown in your face is more of a foreshadowing of things to come than the makings of a new story.
      (in reality, I don't want the story split with a 'second story' tag, because that would mean later I'll need a 'third story' tag, and I've never seen one of those.)

      But I will consider re-writing it. I've been thinking about editing the first three chapters and making the length more consistent, as well as maybe toning down on certain elements that seem familiar to new readers.

      Thanks so much for the advice and stickin' with the story!

      ReplyDelete
    66. When is the next update coming? Cuz even two weeks feels like a long time with that cliff hanger on the final chapter

      ReplyDelete
    67. @billysymphony

      Yeah, sorry bout the wait so far, I'm a full time uni student and I just so happened to have been swamped with a series of essays over the past few weeks.

      But they're all done now, so you can expect the update to come on Thursday or Friday, depending on how big this chapter's gonna be.

      ReplyDelete
    68. Sorry about that. I keep forgetting that in most states schools and colleges have started again. So yeah, take ur time

      ReplyDelete
    69. Ah, well I'm from Australia, and most universities are about halfway through the second semester.

      But yeah, I'm doing a bit of writing right now so yay!

      ReplyDelete
    70. ... GOOD GRIEF! How many pages long WAS this chapter?! You could have split it up, you know! XD

      Anyhoof, this isn't something that's your fault, but it inadvertently brought up another problem with that Trollestia Episode with Philomena. Twilight is Princess Celestia's personal student! How the Buck did she not know that Philomena was a Phoenix?! I mean... COME ON! Just bugs me is all. XD (Luckily, it's not your fault, so... :3)

      The GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor awaits the next chapter, and hopes that he doesn't forget who all of the villains are when it comes out this time...

      (College can be a bitch, can't it? XD I don't look forward to my future years... *Is only a Sophomore in College*)

      Also, One understands if it's a spoiler to answer, but... Is Neptune a Sea-pony? *Random music starts* ~SHOO BE DOO! SHOO SHOO BE DOO!~

      Awwwwww Buck it... One just HAD to open one's mouth... *Headdesks*

      ReplyDelete
    71. @The GREAT and POWERFUL Trevor

      University can be a bitch, but you should look forward to the coming years!

      Btw, Twilight may not have known what Paragonia was, but I didn't think I implied she didn't know who Philomena was...

      shoo be doo shoo shoo be doo?
      -I'll respond to that by saying that Neptune hasn't been holding his breath for a thousand years!

      ReplyDelete
    72. I was wondering when this chapter was coming

      And you released a chapter that was the length of like 3.

      Thank you for that.

      --

      Anyways, good read as always. Only thing I really hate is how long and (in my opinion) boring the parts with the Eq's Most Wanted are. They don't really seem to interest me much and I usually skip them but I have a feeling I'm going to be really confused in the near future.

      Also, NEPTUNE FTW

      Looking forward to the next chapter!

      ReplyDelete
    73. Oh dear, this one needs editors.

      It's a great story, but all these unbalanced quotes just looks wrong.

      ReplyDelete
    74. @henke37

      Yeah sorry 'bout that, I'm not experienced with storytelling and it shows.
      What I mean by this is I'm not especially knowledgeable about how to format quotes...

      If you can tell me what an unbalanced quote is and what it should look like, I'll endeavor to edit it appropriately.

      ReplyDelete
    75. I can see now why it had taken so long. This was a very well thought out chapter and it definitely brings out the reasoning of the transition sections of the previous chapter so they no longer seem thrown in. Awesome mesoamerican mythos reference by the way.

      ReplyDelete
    76. And It might just be my minds tendency to subconsciously fill in the blanks as I read, but I did not seem to find any unbalanced quotes

      ReplyDelete
    77. Sooo, I'm guessing u just decided never to continue? It's a shame. I really enjoyed this story.

      ReplyDelete
    78. @Schmitty

      That was once the case, but recently I've had the desire to reboot the story, tweak its beginning, and 'ponify' the character's names.

      As for when you may see Ashes continue? I was thinking of waiting for the current season to finish, but who knows? Since I'm working on another story on top of an effort to bring Ashes back, it depends upon a few things.

      That said, seeing a post on here after so long compels me to get on with it already...

      ReplyDelete
    79. @Teach I am very happy to hear that. Funny thing is I found the story again by accident while looking through my google docs history for any stories to reread and when I found this I was hoping that u had simply kept going in another medium.

      ReplyDelete
    80. @Teach

      Please do continue the story, and put it on FanFic/FimFic.net too, I prefer reading off those sites :)

      ReplyDelete
    81. For any who are subscribed here, this series has been given a comprehensive overhaul and makeover, and is available to follow over on Fimfic. It may or may not resume here on EQD too, but for now at least, I'll be keeping it all in one place, at that'll be over on Fimfic.

      I highly recommend revisiting it from chapter one, (as the work has gone from 98,000 words to 148,000) but if you want to jump right back in where we left off, chapter 9 is the one you want.

      http://www.fimfiction.net/story/29182/From-the-Ashes

      I apologise for leaving this up the air for so long, but I hope the improvement is reward enough for you patience.

      ReplyDelete