Okay, sorry if this sounds offensive but I have a bit to say on this.
1. WAY too short. 2. You needed to put the date in- you can't just build up to it then forget to put it in! 3. Here's the storyline: Rainbow Dash crashes into the Treebrary; Twilight Sparkle helps Rainbow by fixing up her scratches; Suddenly and without warning Rainbow, (who realizes she has a small crush on Twilight,) jumps out and randomly kisses Twilight; Twilight get's mad at Rainbow so Rainbow kisses her again? 4. You REALLY needed more plot development. The plot was WAY underdeveloped. 5. It looks like something a 6-year-old would write in their spare time.
Okay, other than that I thought the story had some good ideas behind it and had a lot of potential. Next time put just a little more thought into the overall story?
7 comments:
Short and sweet, thanks.
I kinda really liked that.
Twilight's response was perfect!
The world always needs more Twilight/Rainbow Dash.
Too short. Moar Boar wants Moar.
@Moar Boar
1. Oh GOD I lol'd
2. Agreed, moar.
3. D'AWWWWWWWw ^^
Aw...
Lol, short, but nice.
Okay, sorry if this sounds offensive but I have a bit to say on this.
1. WAY too short.
2. You needed to put the date in- you can't just build up to it then forget to put it in!
3. Here's the storyline: Rainbow Dash crashes into the Treebrary; Twilight Sparkle helps Rainbow by fixing up her scratches; Suddenly and without warning Rainbow, (who realizes she has a small crush on Twilight,) jumps out and randomly kisses Twilight; Twilight get's mad at Rainbow so Rainbow kisses her again?
4. You REALLY needed more plot development. The plot was WAY underdeveloped.
5. It looks like something a 6-year-old would write in their spare time.
Okay, other than that I thought the story had some good ideas behind it and had a lot of potential. Next time put just a little more thought into the overall story?
Thanks!
-AdmiralCubie
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