Author: Deviouspie
Description: A Heavy Rain crossover. Who is the Ponigami killer? A psychological murder mystery thriller! You don't need to have played the game to read the mysteryPony Rain
Pony Rain Part 2
Pony Rain Part 3
Pony Rain Part 4
Pony Rain Part 5
Pony Rain Part 6 (New!)
Additional Tags: Psychological, murder, mystery, schizophrenia, thriller
91 kommentaari:
It's a bit Grimdark, don't you think?
VastaKustutaI hope the story is better written than Heavy Rain's was.
VastaKustutaYeah, this should be just a bit grimdark, judging from what i know about Heavy Rain.
VastaKustutajust a bit
I hope this doesn't have plotholes and the ending isn't the same.
VastaKustutaGogogogogogogogogogogogogogogo.
Also grimdark isn't that necessary, as long as it is just violent exposition, right? Or is it just ANYTHING violent...?
It was originally intended to be labeled as grimdark.
VastaKustutaYou can have both...
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaI already wrote the second chapter, which is much more exciting than the admittedly more back-story-oriented first chapter. I am currently working on the third chapter. The story will be a six-part series and will, with the exception of Applejack's story, follow a loose interpretation of the Heavy Rain story.
VastaKustutaOooh, a mystery! Will there be clues so the readers at home can play along?
VastaKustuta"Press X to Pinkie Pie"
VastaKustutaDefinitely! I'll give you a big hint. You look into the minds of the characters, but it's in third person so that the characters can hide things from you. Pay more attention to the personalities of the characters. I also directly reference the MlP:FiM series, so a good knowledge of the personality traits and flaws of the characters will prove most helpful.
VastaKustutaI assume AJ won't have to *insert spoiler here*, seeing as how ponies have hooves?
VastaKustuta20 bits says it's Fluttershy. I'm calling it right now.
Oh my Celestia, this better be epic! Heavy Rain is one of my favourite games of all time and Ponies are just... do I really need to explain it?
VastaKustutaI think I'm going to read this while listening to Ethan Mars's theme :D It goes well with Grimdark/Sad fics...
Well I solved Heavy Rain the first time (Almost fooled me at the end) so let's take a crack at this one. All ready all six are my suspects, each for various reasons, but of course more won't be known until later so nothing for now.
VastaKustutaPlease tell me Dumbbell will show up to play the part of Blake!
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaI wouldn't take that bet since Fluttershy is my prime suspect as well. Twilight and Spike are also possibilities, and I'm on the fence about Rarity since we haven't seen into her head yet. Applejack, Psycho Pie, and maybe Rainbowdash are innocent though.
... Again? How quick.
VastaKustutaI have to get on top of this as soon as I finish writing...
Notice not-too-subtle Trollestia joke in second sentence of the second chapter.
VastaKustutaExpect part 3 by Saturday some time. Hint: you'll get your first BIG clue.
Oh lawd, this is awesome.
VastaKustutaMust make Ethan mars Pony post haste.
Hmmmm. Magical Ink that anybody can buy. Twilight would be one suspect for having such access to it at her place, but the possibility of having getting it from anywhere kind of questions that. Maybe it was given by mail delivery? If so, records could be checked at the post office.
VastaKustutaSo Cheerlie was a molester. Didn't see that one coming. Still no big clues to make me suspect who it is, but you said a big clue on saturday? Very well.
@Jakeinator
VastaKustutaThat would be really cool if you did that. If you make it, I'll see if I can change the picture to it.
Welp, I just did my pre-writing listening to Kid A to get me into the mood and to procrastinate. Time to work on Chapter 3.
question: are the ponies semi-representing anyone from Heavy rain or am I to take them as completely separate entities?
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaheh I remember watching a stream of Heavy rain, we were asked to vote on decisions, ive never seen so much hate for Blake, like 40 F**k Blakes filling the screen, we had to turn on slow mode XD. We gave Ethan Mars the nickname "Sorrowbeard the Pirate" and made of a new pronunciation of Norman Jaydan each time someone said his name.
VastaKustutaThe was Nahman Jayman, Nuarmhan Jehymin, it was quite funny at the time
@McGack
VastaKustutaI won't answer any questions regarding characters. I tried to make the story accessible to both readers that have and haven't played Heavy Rain.
I saw you accidentally put an AppleJack where you meant appleBloom just before she starts the trial, thought you'd like to know
VastaKustutaHmm I guess that makes sense
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaThat is the second time I've made that mix-up. Stupid applenames. Thanks for the help!
I... kinda want to see the guns these ponies are using =p.
VastaKustuta@Sagebrush
VastaKustutaTheir ability to shoot a pistol with a hoof is powered by magic, silly.
@Deviouspie
VastaKustutaWell, I can't guarantee it will be anything special. But I am stumped on what his Cutie Mark should be.
@Jakeinator
VastaKustutaThe origami bird might work.
@Deviouspie
VastaKustutaAPPLEJACK IS THE BEST ETHAN MARS EVER.
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaI hope it doesn't follow the story with the characters. Fluttershy is Scott Shelby, Dash is the FBI guy (forget his name) And rarity is the madison girl, I think, I haven't played in so long..I want to now!
I'll finish up Part 3 by today and hopefully Seth will post it up before the Rapture tomorrow. I hope I get sent to Pony Heaven, because I don't want to spend eternity with people.
VastaKustutaExpect a bit longer for parts 4, 5, and 6. While parts 1-3 are all about 4.5k words, 4-6 will probably have closer to 7k words. I'll also have a part-time job by next week.
I just submitted part 3. I'm fairly proud of this one, even though I did about three-quarters of it in a day. Remember to play Ethan Mars's theme when you get to the Applejack section at the end.
VastaKustutaThis is better than the original Heavy Rain's story. It's like a book I can't put down but I only get a few pages at once. I just hold the book there until the pages appear.
VastaKustuta@TwilightSpark
VastaKustutaWow, thank you! I'm try to get you Chapter 4 by Wednesday.
Hmmm. I few new interesting things. First it was the Buffaloes at "Apple"polusa. Now a dragon with a "butterfly" logo. I'm sensing that each of the trials has to do with five out of the six's personal adventures in the series.
VastaKustutaSo the wonderbolts are drug dealers huh, nice twist. But Moral can't be the only reason why Celestia doesn't crack down on them, more information would have to come later in the next chapter.
Now I'm getting more suspecious of Pinkie Pie for this reason only.
83. Sarsaparilla Sherbet
84. Giggles Smacks
85. Twilight Sparkle
86. Candy Topsy-turvy
Sarsaparilla? Giggles? Candy? All likely names that a person would use to cover themselves up, and all these names closely represent Pinkie Pie. So far she's on the top of my list, but we'll see more soon.
Later.
In 5 minutes, Rarity and Fluttershy managed to find out more about the case than the guard did in 4 weeks.
VastaKustutaNice to see that like Heavy Rain the police is completely terrible at their jobs. This whole thing has happened 6 times over and nobody cared to mention anything about the white boxes or letters to the guard?
I find it a lot better than Heavy Rain so far though, it's just a lot better set up.
How exactly does this work?
VastaKustuta"[spoiler?] managed to pull the trigger with her hoof..."
Hoof.
Pulling a trigger.
Fingers much?
Fair warning to all of my three or so readers:
VastaKustutaChapters 4, 5, and 6 are going to get about 20% more grimdark. There is a scene in chapter 4 where the premise is dangerously close to cupcakes. It is not intended to be this way -- it is intended to be similar to a scene from the Heavy Rain game.
Additional note:
VastaKustutaOne of the purposes of the more unpleasant scenes is not to glorify murder and violence. Instead, I want to display the psychological struggles that the characters face as they find themselves in said situations. Bloodshed and death are horrible and I don't want to try to desensitize you from them.
Aw bollcoks, Chapter 3 already?
VastaKustutaSorry for the long delay, but I am not the best at this fanart thing, and I kind of...quit when my computer crashed. So yeah, it's almost done (was a bitch getting the eyes right), and I'm putting in a nifty background to boot, but I am wits end again of what his skin color should be. I was thinking about a shade of brown, but I don't know.
@Jakeinator
VastaKustutaDon't worry! Take all the time you need!
Well, I am half way done with chapter 4. I'll send it to Seth by sometime tomorrow. I hope it makes you cringe to read it as much as it made me cringe to write.
VastaKustutaNote to all Heavy Rain veterans: yes.
I'm...torn. I haven't felt this terribly depressed in quite a while. Whereas the game's third trial certainly made me cringe, this one gave me massive shivers all over, so horrible it was to read. Not even WATCH, just READ. And at the chapter's end: just...good god. That's unforgivable.
VastaKustutaAnd so, I am torn. I want to hate you; believe me, I really do. Honestly, though, that feeling only serves as an attestation to how well you have captured and even expanded upon the sheer psychological terror and despair of Heavy Rain.
I really want to hate you...and that's a good thing. I am jointly terrified and excited to see how you will end this.
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaOh yeah, you also managed to disprove my assumption from May 18:
"I assume AJ won't have to *insert spoiler here*, seeing as how ponies have hooves?"
Well played, you sick, clever pony.
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaI will take this as a compliment.
@Deviouspie You are my hero, child. This part took me like 10 minutes, AJ had a damned time limit!
VastaKustutaNothing else to say. Except I praise the use of the death of Rarity. This will really add more character to Rainbow Dash.
VastaKustutaLater
Expect Chapter 5 by Wednesday.
VastaKustutaAs is typical penultimate chapter fare, Chapter 5: 'Shadows' will be the darkest chapter of all. It will be even darker than Chapter 4, but in a different way. Rather than focus on shock and morbidity, the emotions I'm going to try to convey are eeriness and hopelessness. The ponies are going to feel like they are all just puppets in the Ponigami Killer's hooves.
Autor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaHmm. Why are all the relatives of the victims lying to Twilight and why is Fluttershy withholding evidence.
VastaKustutaConfronting a group of thugs without any backup is always a good idea.
Another great chapter. Still tryin to decipher the letter, but besides some spaces and "Everfree Forest" I didn't find many letters...
VastaKustutaRarity's death (unexpected, but a nice twist), Twilight's suspicion and Pinkie's conclusions... I haven't played Heavy Rain, so maybe I'm missing one or two clues, but still everypony could be the killer...
NEED MORE HINTS!!! -> NEED MORE CHAPTERS!!!
I'm currently about half-way through chapter 5. Chapter 5 is proving to be the most difficult to write, not just because it's the longest (expect about 9k words) but because the mood and tone drastically changes between each character now. I won't give any specifics, but chapter five will focus on the character and history of the Ponigami Killer and you will see each character at the edge of her sanity.
VastaKustutaJust submitted Chapter 5 to Seth. It's a doozy at over 10,000 words, so get a cup of coffee. The final chapter, chapter six will probably be pretty short. Expect it by Sunday at the latest.
VastaKustutaI don't see why everybody hates Heavy Rain... I thought it was a great story, and I didn't expect the twist. It was very fun playing it again with knowledge of what the end was, and made the story that much more disturbing.
VastaKustutaI guess I'll give Pony Rain a read.
Oh I know who the killer is now!
VastaKustutaI hope this story follows the "best" Heavy Rain ending...
Pony Raaaaiiiiin... the fic where the rain is always heavy, and all the ponies are... ponies- Ok, that doesn't work. Awesome fic, though.
VastaKustutaO.O did Twilight just *SPOILER* and *SPOILER* Cheerilee? You monster!!! T.T
VastaKustutaWhere's Jayden's/Rainbow Dash's drug addiction?
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaKinda makes it ironic...
I KNEW IT! I KNEEEEW IT!
VastaKustutaAlso reading this while listening to the heavy rain soundtrack made it 20% cooler.
VastaKustutaOh dear. i knew Applejack Couldn't...Icouldn't eitehr..
VastaKustutaHalf way through the fifth chapter I knew it was Fluttershy. I realized that we kept seeing all five of the other characters keep getting parts, but not fluttershy and then I wondered if you were doing this on purpose to make everyone focus on the other characters due to the extreme details, but not on fluttershy. And I was right.
VastaKustutaCan't wait for the ending.
Because I love you jerks so much, I submitted chapter six ahead of schedule. It's a short chapter at only 4k words, as I had expected, but I hope you like it.
VastaKustutaNice ending. This was really good. Are you going to do alternate endings?
VastaKustuta@Dark Side of the World
VastaKustutaI decided against it. Considering what they faced, I felt they deserved the ending they got. I am currently outlining a new story. It will a depressing post-apocalyptic adventure fic.
I KNEW IT. I TOTALLY CALLED IT!
VastaKustuta"The six friends"
VastaKustutaHuh?
@Anonymous
VastaKustutaTwilight, Applejack, Apple Bloom, Spike, Pinkie Pie, and Rainbow Dash.
Last chapter felt a little rushed to me, but it ended the story nicely. Well done.
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaYeah, I understand how you feel, and I knew that would be a problem. The reason for the rushed feeling is this: the final chapter was almost purely action sequences, and there were no more mystery elements. As such, there were fewer words, which led to the rushed feeling.
This was brilliant.
VastaKustutaLoved it. What more can I say?
VastaKustutaLooking forward to your next fic.
God damn it. This was awesome until the fifth chapter, and then it just hit absolute retardation. It was going so strong.
VastaKustutaChapters 1-4: 5/5
Chapter 5: 2/5 or maybe even 1/5
Chapter 6: 3/5
I really kied the ending, and didn't expected it. The narration was kinda messy but the plot was great.
VastaKustutaCongratz.
I would like to point everypony's attention to the comment on May 18, 12:53 PM. I'll take my 20 bits now, thank you =)
VastaKustutaExcellent story, it was adapted well while still adhering to Heavy Rain pretty closely. I hope to see more out of you soon!
That was very well written. Will have to keep a eye out for your future stuff. :)
VastaKustuta@Anonymous
VastaKustutaI'm sorry you feel that way, though I did have one person tell me that he hated the first four chapters and chapter five was the chapter that made him love it. I guess I can't appeal to everyone. ;/
Anyway, to anyone that interested in reading my future work, I am currently working on a one-shot called "Grey Skies." I'm going to give a rough guess that it will be about 10,000 words, and I'll try to write it up within a week. I am currently at a loss for its genre though... it's sorta grimdarkish, sadish, and adventurish, but really none of them.
VastaKustutaEh, previous plan is scrapped, because I don't want to work on something depressing now. I'm currently working on an absurdist dark comedy.
VastaKustutaI didn't even notice the power outage while reading chapter 6 on my phone.
VastaKustutaWoah! A comment.
VastaKustutaI've been trying to send some new stuff to Seth over the past few weeks, but none of them have been particularly inspired work. I also tried to move away from my style, which is to write depressing stuff.
Anyway, I've finally decided to play again to my strengths, and I'm writing a depressing political drama starring Twilight Sparkle. It will be a long-length one shot (expect between 10 and 15 thousand words.)
Hopefully, Seth will like this one, because I'm personally really excited about it (which I couldn't say for some of my lesser work that you're probably better off not seeing). I can't say when you'll see it, though. :X
This seems to end very abruptly, and although I understand it's fairly strict to the original story. It makes me feel like it's unfinished in a sense, I'd love to hear about the survivors of the ordeal coped with the conclusion. I suppose that would almost be a story in itself though, so I don't blame you, I can kinda fill in the blanks in my own sense. Was a fantastic story though, was totally immersed in it and now it's 4:44am, last i checked it was 2 xD Anyways, great read. Thanks for posting this.
VastaKustutaAutor on selle kommentaari eemaldanud.
VastaKustutaI totally understand how you feel, but in all honesty, I didn't know how I could effectively write an epilogue. I sorta decided it would be best for people to imagine how the ponies would cope with the murder and betrayal, because I don't know how I would. Much of the character's drive in the story was the necessity to save the ponies they had left. In a way, I imagine, in the cruelest sense, that the ponies would just move on, though horribly scarred (physically and mentally). One of the goals of the final chapter was to redeem everypony that wasn't Fluttershy, especially Twilight, who had just gone off the deep-end. I decided to name it dependence because everypony needed each other to survive.
VastaKustutaAnyway, I'm glad you like it. The pre-readers have been fairly lukewarm to some of my recent stories, but I hope they'll like the one I'm working on, because I'm putting a lot of effort into it, especially considering the fact that I won't have a lot of time over the next few months. I hope you like depressing political dramas about pony racism, political instability, and a reluctant and alienated heroine, Twilight Sparkle, who has to decide between doing what's right for herself and her friends, or doing what's right for Equestria as a whole.
(Note: I may eventually write a Pony Rain conclusion, but after I finish this story.)
JASON?!
VastaKustutaJAAASOOOOOOON!!!!!!