Author: Chicken Vortex
Description: When it comes to music some ponies have natural talent, while others have to struggle for it. The story of how one pony learned that in the end it's not who's playing that matters, but who they're playing for.The Sound of Sunlight Part 1
The Sound of Sunlight Part 2
The Sound of Sunlight Part 3
The Sound of Sunlight Part 4
The Sound of Sunlight Part 5 (New!)
Additional Tags: Every Good Brony Does Fine
140 comments:
Thumbs up on the additional tags.
ReplyDeleteKeepin' it classy.
Dat reference in the tags, it is good.
ReplyDelete>Author: Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteCount me interested.
"Every Good Brony Does Fine"
ReplyDeleteInstant 5 stars.
Hrm. Interesting, I'll be watching for more.
ReplyDeleteInteresting. Though I have to admit the machine!Octavia fics are depressing as hell. Hit a little close to home, maybe.
ReplyDeleteI thought it was very well written and I'm excited to see where this story goes. I'm sorry I can't give a better critique, I'm not the greatest at doing so.
ReplyDelete5/5 stars from me.
I like, I like.
ReplyDeleteIs it official fanon yet, that Octavia hated the cello to start with?
Okay, so I read it now, and I have a few thoughts that are really just minor complaints.
ReplyDeleteOctavia plays the bass, not the cello. Her position when playing the instrument is that of a bassist, and not a cellist. This is, of course, assuming that pony instruments are scaled to be played by ponies, as the rest of their objects are.
Chopin was actually a very nice person, as far as I've heard. Using his name as the villain is offputting to me.
Also, tempi are essentially never complex. They are either fast, slow, or speeding up or slowing down. They never really get more intricate than that.
Aside from those musical things that my OCD requires me to point out, this is a pretty good start to a fic. I'm wanting more.
Your tag line was brilliant.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI would have preferred "Great Bronies Deserve Fantastic Artwork", but who am I to judge!
ReplyDelete@B.
ReplyDeleteOh, I should also mention that Octavia playing the cello in this fic in no way lessens the message you're telling. It's just a detail that I felt was off!
I thoroughly enjoy this! Reminds me vaguely of my misguided attempts to learn the clarinet when I was younger... unlike Octavia I never got better, just learned to get worse! Ah well :)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@B.
ReplyDeleteWhile her position may be more bass-like, the instrument looks much more like a cello than a double bass, at least to me -- a cello's upper half is almost as big as the lower half, while a double bass has a fairly small, cut-away upper half. Octavia's instrument has a large upper half, so it seems to be a cello.
Anyway, playing from a seated position probably wouldn't work with pony anatomy, so that may not be a good way to judge anyway.
This is as utterly depressing as hell. A ruined, friendless childhood, a future set on rails by blinded, control-freak parents, even her cutie mark basically picked out for her.... and what's the lesson here? Learn to embrace how your life has been screwed over?
ReplyDeleteI see parents like this in real life-- pushing their kids into pro sports or into fast-track schooling or into music or acting or dance, preteen beauty pageant moms, turning their kids' brief precious childhood into one long training session, trying to live THEIR dreams through their KIDS, and I just wanna PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE.
I hated Octavia parent's during all the story :(
ReplyDeleteGreat story.
ReplyDeleteWill wait for more.
@Escher
ReplyDeleteIt does?
Looks like a bass to me!
Actually, now that I looked at the picture compared to a cello and a bass, it does come off looking more like an over-sized cello. Not sure if that's an artistic thing or what.
ReplyDeleteI think I'm just going to say that Octavia plays both bass and cello. Everypony wins.
Hi there Everypony. It's me, Chicken Vortex, here to answer some of your comments. Allons-y!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I decided to write this after seeing Cereal Velocity's request, so it's got a bit of pre-determined criteria there.
Secondly @B.
There have been many an argument over whether Octavia plays the cello or the double bass. I say she plays the cello, because it would be double bass sized for a person, but ponies are smaller, and you can't really shrink an instrument and still have the same pitch, plus in the pony polka I believe there's a cello playing in the background, so there ya go. My logic on the situation. Also double bass isn't as nice sounding to write out. So there's some writer's OCD for you.
Secondly Frédéric Horseshoepin isn't actually based on Chopin at all. If a pony exists I use the name it's given over on the wiki in an attempt to prevent confusion. It hasn't worked so far, but it's a sound system in theory.
Also I am sadly a musical degenerate, so I apologize for my incorrect terms. I have taken your advice and fixed that line about the tempo.
@Anonymous
Heeeey there you. I'm glad you got the message, but I'm not sure you realize that's not the whole story. I mean geeze, if that was the moral I was going for, then I would need to go sign up for flankholes anonymous right away. There's more to come, and *spoiler* it get's better.
So thanks everyone for reading, and commenting, and just being cool dudes in general. I'll talk to you all again later!
(Also I'm sorry, but I have to say it: Gave that B. some feedback. B.s love feedback.)
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that Octavia hates the cello...
ReplyDeletelmao great story so far, i really wanna see how this progresses
All Colts Eat Grass anyone?
ReplyDeleteHah, I can't wait to read how the two of them learned to work together.
ReplyDeleteIf they ever did. Some relationships can be like that!
@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteAll of the instruments seen in the show are actually pony-sized. The pianos are much smaller, the sousaphones are postively petite (for a sousaphone), and the trombone at the end of Swarm is smaller than a regular trombone (I should know, that's my primary instrument!)
I can't tell what instrument is playing in the pony polka. I haven't spent enough time with strings to figure out which is which by ear-the range could either indicate a cello or a contrabass playing in its upper register.
Like I said, it's a very minor complaint I had there.
Is Frederic Horseshoepin seriously the name of the pony according to the wiki?
That's the worst awful. Really reachin' for pony puns in that name.
I'm enjoying the story thus far. Keep up the good work. :)
Love this fic!!! The rising action continues further, and it's killing me! I gotta know what's gonna happen next!
ReplyDeleteI feel like a starving man who's being fed bread crumbs and expected to subsist! I need MOAR!!!
Yeah, yeah, fics take time to WRITE. Pssh. You know what Pinkamena would say to that.
http://i.imgur.com/WbPup.jpg
/sarcasm Srsly tho, can't wait for the next chapter. :)
Got home from work still in uniform and saw this story was update.
ReplyDeleteRead the part where Frederic grabbed Octavia by the arm. Realized just after reading that my hand was closed on my baton.
Ponies... you drive me to violence...
I need more.
ReplyDeleteThe Death Waltz? Seriously!? I freaking love you.
ReplyDeleteDamn good fic, I am loving this! Please moar???
ReplyDeleteAwesome fic.
ReplyDeleteMOAR!
If this doesn't end with Octavia smashing that damn cello over her parents' thick heads, then I don't wanna hear about it.
ReplyDeletethis is GOOD. if fanfic were all as well written as this one is, they wouldn't have any negative stigma attached to them. please write more.
ReplyDeleteChicken Vortex! I knew I read that nickname somewhere! How could I forget about the author of Getting Lucky?
ReplyDeleteBut I recognized your style - you give ponies very human-like moves. Example in the last chapter - how exactly Fred could grab Octavia by arm? He used both hooves?
Anyway, I still love your work. Give best of yourself and I hope you have as much fun from writing it as I have from reading!
@Shellsh0cker
ReplyDeleteThanks for that link. I didn't know that Waltz, but man... That honestly seems to be impossible... How can any one human play that? Or pony?
Anyway, looks like Freddie (you know calling him that would piss him off *Grin*) has some problems of his own. I hope its not pressuring parents as well.
I really enjoyed the story, but there are a few things that are a bit annoying. For example, you say things such as "feet" instead of "hooves," or "arm" instead of "foreleg."
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteARGH!!! I knew it, I saw it coming as soon as he was at the door, but I didn't want to believe it! Curse these ineffective powers of denial! Why do they not make anything better?!
ReplyDeleteI don't want to read anymore, but I can't stop. I'm afraid of what might happen in the next chapter.
No pony named Harpo should be able to talk.
ReplyDeleteCome on, she FOLLOWS THE GUY WHO THREATENED HER BEFORE WHEN HE TAKES HER TO THE DANGEROUS PATH, AWAY FROM HER ONLY FRIEND ON THE WAY? That was just... too much. Sorry, but suspension of disbelief pretty much kicked the bucket right there.
ReplyDeleteCan't... stop... reading...
ReplyDeleteI'm under your spell, Chicken Vortex. I hope you're happy.
I really like this so far. But I do hope at some point that she really tells off her parents.
ReplyDeleteThis story just keeps getting better and better. A REAL nice piece of drama in this latest installment. Hoping for the rest soon!!
ReplyDeleteive read 2 other stories about octavia and this is the third and alread I LOVE OCTY! =D
ReplyDeleteI thought of this:
ReplyDeletehttp://lostinthecloud.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/faeries-aire.gif
...when I saw 'Death Waltz'
As for this story....well it's just so over the top. I dunno. It's like...it's drama for the sake of drama instead of for the sake of story.
Oh my god... I got really excited after chapter three: I love how you're developing Octavia and Mr. Bridge's relationship, as well as Frederic's character. At first, I just downright hated him, but now on after the third chapter where we start to learn about him, he's has grown from a character I plainly hate into a character that I adore hating, because he actually has a back-story past just being a jerk to Octavia! My god man... You are brilliant!
ReplyDeleteWrite on, my good fellow! Write on!
Mr. Bridge! QQ
ReplyDeleteSQUEE!! New chapter. >.>
ReplyDeleteSir Chicken Vortex, shutupandtakemymoney.jpg.
ReplyDeleteBeing blunt aside, lovin' the story. ...A lot. Don't stop! D:
I knew this was going to get dark D:
ReplyDeleteI knew it!
But when I read it....*Tears*
T_T omg.
I'm assuming the Death Waltz is the one that isn't Death Waltz and is in fact, a theme from Touhou? If so, I wonder how Frederic is even playing it, considering it's impossible for 10 fingers, let alone 2 hooves!? :P
ReplyDeleteBut this is a great story, keep it up!!!
One word to describe this story: Under-appreciated.
ReplyDeleteGotta say, I just keep liking this more!
ReplyDeletethis is just getting better and better.
ReplyDeletepart 4 pwease
Octavia may not be a main character, but she has more interesting stories than most of the others even if she has never spoken a single line.
ReplyDelete*GASP*
ReplyDeleteY-you son of a...you actually got me, I totally wasn't expecting that! I was expecting Frederick to smash Octavia's cello, but not Mr. Bridge to intervene and get injured! Celestia damnit now the cliffhanger is now ten times more cliffhangery!
Frederic, you bastard.
ReplyDeleteThis story was ultimately sad. I could actually feel it. The pain. The pressure. Tears were on the verge of spilling out. Its just that... significant in a sense... although I am not in the same disposition as her, that background of Octavia's life was an amazing piece of literature. It exceeds emotional context.
ReplyDeleteAn excellent read. It penetrates through your soul and attaches to it. This is what happened to me.
I am...devoured by the story.When I started to read the third chapter,I was crying uncontrollably,first at Mr.Bridge's story,then at Frederic's and the ending just killed me...
ReplyDeleteI applaud you,Chicken Vortex,and hope to be as Great and Powerful as you are(smiles through tears).
This story has made me fall in love with Octavia. She may just be better than Trixie....
ReplyDeleteYou have my ax Mr. Chicken, this is a fantastic story. Like someone said above, this is a story I actually feel because i've definately gone through something like this in my life.
ReplyDeleteHello again everypony! Sorry it's been so long since I answered comments. I got lost in the woods. True story. Anyway...
ReplyDeleteFirstly @Anonymous
You may be happy to hear that at Chicken Vortex academy, I pride myself in updating the story as fast as possible, so unless I get lost in the woods (and maybe not even then) there should always be a new chapter coming soon.
@Anonymous
Baton? Uniform? You're either a valiant policeman or a crime fighting cheerleader, but either way keep on standing up for those in need. You're cool.
@Shellsh0cker
Teehee. Yup. <3 U 2.
@Anonymous
Thank you very much... you. I actually wrote this story as an experiment in writing styles, so hearing that you think it's good helps me very much with my theory.
@Anonymous, @sUiCiDaLn00b
Deal With It
but seriously,
@Anonymous
I don't know. Hook his elbow around hers? Magic grip horseshoes? I say that if they can inexplicably grab things in the show then it's good enough for me.
@sUiCiDaLn00b
I might think of changing those things someday, but as of now I'm just trying to keep things as clear as possible while still remaining as pony as possible. If I were to ponify everything, then I would need to say "hoof me a book," instead of, "hand me a book," and the like, and that could get confusing for some people.
@Anonymous
So it would seem
@Walkinix
Than you very much Walkinix. I try to make good characters, and it means a lot to me to hear that other people like them. Also... just because I like you I'll tell you a secret. This story is based on more than just a suggestion by Cereal Velocity, so I can't take all the credit for the characters....
@Anonymous
*Gentlemanly bow*
@Skay, Whiteout, and Anonymous
Awwww thanks. Having guys like you say nice things makes me feel all happy.
@Anonymous
How could he?!
@Alexander Gan Zhong Ping
It means a lot to me that my story could cause you to feel so emotional... um... but... it's not quite through yet. Oh gosh. Maybe you should stop here. I don't want to ruin your image of the story! Well, know that I really appreciate your comment, and I hope that you'll always remember it as it was, back when there were only three chapters.
@DemetriusShy
That's probably one of the nicest things that anyone's ever said to me. Imagine, me being Great and Powerful... well I hope you DO become that DemetriusShy. That and more. Thank you. Thank you very much.
@Ghastly
Don't tell anyone... but I love Octavia too. She's classy.
@leaflet757
I accept your ax leaflet757. Also it seems a lot of people have gone through this type of thing. I empathize for you all. I hope my story makes you feel a little better in the end.
I swear, this story has captivated me more than any printed book has ever done before, and I've read 'hundreds' of books! I'm literally shaking in anticipation every night when I get home, hoping the next chapter will be up! Whoever wrote this deserves a medal of pure diamond!
ReplyDeleteI'm seriously enjoying this Fic atm. I akways end up choosing the best fics to read... I don't think i've read a bad one yet... (Cupcakes wasn't Bad it was well written -.-)
ReplyDeleteYeeeah, I'll be keeping an eye on this one for sure.
ReplyDeleteGood heavens.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cysRztrR1G4&feature=related
ReplyDeleteI sat down and started reading this story this morning all the way till I had to go to work. I was half way through the 2nd chapter.
ReplyDeleteLet me put it this way. Work is over. I am ready for chapter 5.
Keep being awesome. I envy high production writers like you.
Instant 2.5 star boost for the Additional Tags, and another 2.5 stars for the Jabberwocky reference. Oh, and 5 stars for the story being absolutely amazing, of course.
ReplyDeleteSigh, if only I could...
Another great Chicken Vortex piece. I just love the emotion you manage to bring out in a background character.
ReplyDeleteAnd uh, could I try my hand at writing a Slendermane fic?
Hi again everyone! Not too many comments since last time, but I might as well answer what I can. Now let's see....
ReplyDelete@Kisuke
I'm constantly happy to hear things like this Kisuke. I'm not an expert writer in any way, but I do try hard to make my stories have impact, and every person that says they like it makes me feel that much more motivated to continue. It's just really nice to hear that my attempts are appreciated.
@Stahi
:)
@Emerald Page
Thanks for envying me Emerald Page. I'm not really that high production, but I've been working on it. I think this story was a good step forward. I'll have to wait until it's finished and people have gotten a chance to comment on the whole thing to hear how it went overall, but I'm hopeful. Fingers crossed.
@Bitmun
I'm glad you liked the tags. They seem to have given a good first impression. Also you caught the reference! I like to put references into my stories, just to see what happens. So far it's been entertaining, so thanks for entertaining me Bitmun! Also thanks for your 10 stars. It's the thought that counts after all.
@SomeGuy
Thanks Someguy. I actually like writing about background ponies (and OC ponies for that matter) more than main characters. To me, the less you know about a pony, the more intriguing it is to find out how they ended up where they are now, and when you're the one writing the story then the possibilities are endless.
And just so everyone knows, it's not like I hold the rights to Slender Mane or anything. I didn't even call dibs on it, good guy Greg style. Everyone feel free to write whatever you want about whatever you want, Slender Mane included.
Okie Dokie. The story que must really be long, because I submitted the next (and last) chapter a while ago and it still hasn't shown up, but don't worry! I'm sure it's on its way. Talk to you all then.
MLP fanfic cliche 24, Octavia. Just Octavia.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful
ReplyDeleteSome spoilers
ReplyDeleteHmm. Well... Most of the final chapter was good. Two things I struggle with though. One: Octavia accepts Mr Bridge a bit to quickly at the beginning. She has spend the entire story saying she hated the cello. She was kind of relieved she didn't have to play at the concert. So, without Mr Bridge having said much of anything, her "Ok Mr Bridge, you've convinced me" just comes a bit to easy. That bothered me for a bit, but as I read on I forgot about that. The rest of Mr Bridge his speech is a bit cliche. But it works, and I like that you made him the bad guy, in a way. Instead of just the victim (he is both of course). At least that is somewhat original and it does add to the story.
Everything else is fine, the scene where Octavia plays is nicely done. But then we get to Octavia talking to Frédéric. Most of the conversation is fine. But... she tells the guards she won't testify and they just let him go? Seriously? Since when do guards have the authority to do that? And then they all suddenly become best buds? I fear I find that this is stretching it a bit. I didn't want to see Frédéric end up behind bars... In fact, after the scene with Mr Bridge I felt sorry for him, cause you (as the author) was being so hard on him. But he should just have gone back to prison. Then, Octavia could have announced she wouldn't testify. Of course, there is another major problem. Mr Bridge woke up, and as far as the readers can tell he survived. Even if he didn't, as soon as he had woken up you expect a police officer to visit him and take his testimony.
Anyway, if neither would testify against him, then a judge or chief of police or whatever would have had no choice to let Frédéric go. And a bit of friction between Frédéric and Harpo and Bluenote wouldn't have hurt either. Just a bit more time for them to bond and forgive.
Well, that's my opinion. Overall, this was a very enjoyable story. Touching, engaging and it kept my attention enough throughout to keep reading. I admit though... I am not entirely sure who Mr Bridge left behind. A musician of sorts... Lyra? She must be about the same age as Octavia, so Sweetie Belle is out.
@BareeI'm guessing Vinyl Scratch
ReplyDelete@Anonymous
ReplyDeleteGood call. That makes a lot more sense.
Very impressed. I loved it. A few typos and grammatical errors here and there, but overall it was very well-written. It was interesting to watch Octavia slowly come out of her shell and see her character develop. Admittedly, this fic even made me get a little misty-eyed on occasion. It was a very emotional experience, and very enjoyable to read. Thank you. I hope to see more from you in the future.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the letting Fredrick off the hook. I think I would have respected him a little bit more if at the end he'd have confessed to the crime and started taking some responsibility for himself. Maybe he'd get a reduced sentence.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's just me on melodrama mode, but I'd almost like Mr. Birch to be a whole lot more injured and Octavia finds out he's gone at the end. I dunno... call me a glutton for angst.
I think that Octavia's forgiveness was right up there with Celestia for Luna... a bit out of left field. What I wanted was for Fredrick to realize life is not tearing down others but building himself up and accepting that others may be better musicians. I didn't see that. I saw him as getting a get out of free card by every pony.
I still think it was an excellent story, but these were things niggling at the conclusion.
can i give this another 5 stars? hang on i have to go to the public library computers really fast!
ReplyDeleteThat was damn near perfect. Definitely one of my all time favorite stories, not just fanfics. On an ending note, was there a specific pony that was hinted to be Mr. Bridge's daughter? Subtle references tend to fly over my head.
ReplyDelete@ghastly yes it was it was a reference to vynl scratch
ReplyDelete@Unknown Ah, that makes sense! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThis story is so inspiring and sweet. It reminds me of the movie August Rush. I loved reading it.
ReplyDeleteSo fucking amazing that it makes me swear like a sailor. Goosebumps were had, pulses were raised, and I loved every moment of it. I might just have to read it several more times. Instant favorite, 5/5, what have you. Amazing work.
ReplyDeleteOh my. It's over. That was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI can understand why Octavia would be willing to let Frederic so easily, but Bluenote and Harpo did not partake in any of that subtle exchange between them. How were they able to be so accepting of her decision? Or at least Bluenote, who from what I understand only knew Frederic through his actions toward Octavia (considering that Harpo was a long-time friend of Frederic's, which could explain why he was more accepting of Octavia's seeming change of heart)?
Anyway, who is Mr. Bridge's daughter?! You must elucidate us.
You do have serious talent for fleshing out these background ponies though. Thank you.
@sotha
ReplyDeleteSo, she is Vinyl Scratch for sure?
Is there a way this can have a 12 star rating? This was an amazing read from start to finish. Great job, EMCORE!!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved this story. You have made me shed manly tears today I hope you know.
ReplyDeleteIt was amazing, the writing sublime, the character deveoplment smooth and believable...
ReplyDeleteSo why did you end it like that?
"Oh, OK, you can go." That's it? At the very least it should have been done in court. Two guards who have absolutely no authority in regards to the prisoner's freedom, only to make sure he doesn't run away, just up and leave him with the person he was just threatening?
Nonononono. Completely unrealistic. Please, for the love of Celestia, tweak that ending. I'm not saying that it can't end with him being forgiven, but please don't make it feel like such a cop-out.
If it's fixed I will gladly change my four-star rating to a five.
So for reference....what someone linked as the "Death Waltz" is actually a piano version of this:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIop055eJhU
The REAL death waltz is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCgT94A7WgI&feature=related (and obviously, not something playable on a piano)
The characterisation in this story is magnificent. Definitely ranking up there as one of the top fanfics on this site.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely should have extended the ending a little bit though. There's no way that the judicial system would just allow Octavia to pardon him for his crimes. They needed a confession from her, not an opinion on whether or not she thought he deserved to be punished. Her telling the guards "I don't blame him for what he's done" could easily be considered a confession as well (but I'm no lawyer). I'll admit that a court proceeding would not really fit into the theme of the story, but it really leaves a bitter sweet feeling that the ending was so lacklustre when the rest of the story was so phenomenal.
Yay, another awesome from Chicken Vortex. Why wub woo.
ReplyDeleteOMG Mr. Bridge's daughter is Lyra! It has to be, it fits so perfect! Other than that epiphany, excellent ending to a wonderful story! There is, however, one tiny thing about this chapter I felt was bad. It seemed to me (and this is strictly just my oppinion) that the time sequence between the start of the chapter and getting to Mr. Bridge in the hospital went too fast. I mean I understand that it was supposed to be hurried because of the excitement, but it just seemed a bit jumpy. Other than that, beautiful. Keep making fics liek this, you are excellent!
ReplyDeleteHey Chicken Vortex, great story and all but can you please put us all out of misery and tell us if Mr. Bridge's daughter is Vinyl Scratch, Lyra or some other pony?
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed you story and gave it 5 stars. Well done, sir!
Well, if you can recall details from the story (part 3, to be specific), both Mr. Bridge's wife and daughter are supposed to be "White as the lightest clouds", and the daughter had blue hair... so it obviously isn't Lyra. It could possibly be Vinyl Scratch, but unless the author says otherwise, I'll be assuming his daughter is another OC, just like Mr. Bridge himself.
ReplyDeleteThat said, this was a very good piece. I really enjoyed it. 5 stars, easy.
Honestly, I didn't like the ending for part 5. Frederic getting off for nearly killing somepony while trying to destroy Octavia's cello. And having Harpo and Bluenote forgive him right away seems odd. Even for a story about ponies.
ReplyDeleteThough overall, it was a pretty good story.
Okay, I loved this story! But, there was one line that just completely spoiled this story for me, "Why am I so different from the others?" "Why do you have to be like the others?" from chapter 3. As soon as I read this line, I was able to predict everything that was going to happen in terms of what was going to happen to Octavia and Mr. Bridge. It was this video that I saw a long time ago and I don't know whether or not chicken Vortex based this story of the video. this is the video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Um9KsrH377A
ReplyDeleteIt matches the story almost perfectly, save for a few differences. Other than that one line spoiler, I simply loved the way it was written! It was a really good take on Octavia.
Quite simply, one of *the* most beautiful stories I've ever read on ED, if not the best.
ReplyDeleteIs there ever a day where I don't joyfully recall your stories, Mr. Vortex?
I don't believe so. Excellent Work!
Beautiful! Absolutely beautiful! In the words of Rarity, it was simply divine!
ReplyDeleteNow then... Will there be a sequel?
Oh, yes, and... I'm afraid the others are right, Mr. Vortex.
ReplyDeleteEither a slight rewrite is in order, or there's perfectly logical explanation as to how Frederic's sentence is completely null and void in such a brief scene.
Terribly sorry, but I guess logic begs to differ.
Hi again everyone! So it's done. Another story to add to my short list. What's that? You wanted to lavish me with compliments? OK, shoot.
ReplyDelete@Slepter
Thanks Slepter! Glad you liked it.
@Alexstrazsa
I appreciate your eyes Alexstazsa.
@Anonymous
Oh U.
@Anonymous
I'm glad you liked it too Anonymous. So much appreciation....
@sotha
Thanks Sotha. I do love giving those background ponies background. Background ponies love background.
@Gersh
Emcore, Encore, Nomcore, Spacecore. Whatever core, thank you very much for liking it. *Takes a bow*
@Danny Mullins
Manly tears you say? Well I know now, and I'm proud of it. Thanks for your kind words.
OK. That's enough of that :)
I'll answer some of your questions in my next post.
Alright, now for some actual questions:
ReplyDeleteQ: Who is Mr. Bridge's daughter?
A: It's Vinyl Scratch! You were right! Good job. Once again this was decided from Cereal Velocities general description of the story. I wanted to keep it a bit mysterious in the story, because I think that's fun, but I don't want anyone to lose sleep over it, so I'm happy to tell you here!
Q: From Tony: Was this whole thing just a sham...poo commercial?
A: Yes! Yes it was. I'm kind of surprised someone found the other source this story was based off of so quickly! Earlier I had mentioned that I as working off more than just Cereal’s suggestion, and that commercial was it. Sorry if it spoiled it for you Tony, but you win anyway! And remember, you can shine.
Q: So they just let that snooty pony off the hook eh?
A: Here's the thing about Frederic. If he hadn't been released right then, and he'd gone to court instead, it would have made Octavia trying to catch him at the Festival pointless, which would have made her wanting to perform pointless, which would have made her visit with Mr. Bridge pointless, which would have made his hospitalization pointless, which would have made Frederic's anger pointless, which would have made his disdain for Octavia pointless, which would have made the overlying conflict pointless, which would have made the story pointless.
My point is that I could probably add a court case in where something happens, but that would be quite a rewrite in my mind. Another chapter I'm guessing. You people don't want me to write an epic length story do you? I admit I feel a little disappointed myself by the ease of his getting his freedom back and said events playing out after that, but that's how I saw things occur in my mind at the time, so that's how I wrote it. Speaking of which....
Q: What's up with the ending?
A: I've written four stories now, and this keeps getting asked. By now it's kind of worrying me. I'm not TRYING to write bad endings, I promise, but every time a story is over some people always seem to say, "It felt rushed," or, "It seemed anti-climactic and like a cop-out."
I'm trying to think of some good endings from other places to compare mine to, but honestly most book endings have left me a little disappointed as well. The Hitchhiker's Guide, Ender's Game, Flatland, The Lost Years of Merlin, The Bible, Nikola Tesla's biography. It's the same problem with movies. Video games have had some cool endings I guess, but even then I still don't know what I'm doing wrong. It disturbs me. Someday I would like to write a story where poeple would instead say, "Dat ending. Just... DAT ENDING!" but it looks like I don't have the skill to do so at the moment.
A fun fact for you. I have no pre-readers or editors for my stories, due to me being reclusive and smelly. Therefore I have no reliable input on my stories until I submit them here. This is probably part of the problem. Only part of it though. Since it keeps happening every story, there seems to be something wrong with my brain as well.
Here's what I can promise. I'll keep trying to write good stories. I'll search for help to improve my endings when I get opportunities to do so. Until then just, y'know, try to tolerate me.
Well thanks everyone for reading The Sound of Sunlight. Thanks Sethisto for choosing the perfect picture to go along with it. Thanks Pre-reader who likes Octavia a little too much for being so enthusiastic. And thank you all for your comments. They really help. It's true. Until we meet again, stay classy.
P.S. It always seems like when I'm typing up these comments, people start commenting on my story again, so DantE.MusT.DiE, Walkinix? Don't think I forgot about you! You're both cool. Also no. I wasn't planning a sequel.
ReplyDeleteAwesome ending to an awesome story. 6 stars. Cant wait for the sequel! (I really hope there is a sequel)
ReplyDelete@chicken vortex: I didn't think it was a sham, I loved the story, it was just that one line spoiler, and I saw this video years ago, and I am not surprised that no one else had mentioned it. I still love it! I love your writing, KEEP IT UP!!!! And also, Vinyl Scratch FTW!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAwww that's a shame, Chicken. I was so excited when the team got together. Oh well, might be for the better that there's not a sequel anyway, it'll give me things to dream about :)
ReplyDeleteWhy is it that right when I saw the line 'a musician of sorts', my mind instantly turned to Scratch?
ReplyDeleteAnd the four of them are the group that played at the Gala? AWESOME.
And then I look back on the episode to get a view on what they looked like, and... the one on the Sousaphone was a filly... Oh well. Creative license, honest mistake, don't stop it being awesome.
Personally, I thought the ending was nice. Fie on all you neighsayers!
Congratulations on a fine ending to quite the bit of fanfiction. The emotion was true and the characters were real and likeable, even Frederick! If I may say, a sequel is in order. With Scratch being Mr. Bridge's daughter, this needs to be developed, my friend. ^_^
ReplyDeleteHats off to yah!
@Everyone
ReplyDeleteAnnouncement! OK, so I changed the ending. The up side? It makes more sense why they let Frederic go. The downside? It was still written by me, so instead of making a better ending, I might have just made a different, exactly the same level of good ending. I'm have a few conflicting emotions, due to the fact that after I agreed that the ending was bad, people started saying it wasn't that bad, then I go and change it, but we'll see what happens. If this is worse let me know so I can learn. If it's better let me know so I can learn. If you're new and haven't read the previous ending, still let me know what you think so I can learn. Thanks again!
Oh, also the main changes take place after Frederic says, "Yes", in case you didn't want to re-read the whole last chapter.
@Delta Pangaea
ReplyDeleteYes. The one on the sousaphone... IS a filly. Why, did I say she wasn't somewhere? I'm confused.
Man. That was great. As much of an OctyScratch shipper I am, I loved how Harpo was implemented into the story. Though his name, though, well eh. Can't upset the natural balance with too much perfection, can ya? I loved this. If it were published as a book, you would have all of my money. All of it. I loved this fic and I applaud your skills, sir. I applaud them!
ReplyDeleteI really did love reading this fic, like others have said though, the ending wasn't that good. I think I can help with that a little however; the reason I felt it wasn't as good was mostly because of the lack of emotion that was portrayed into the characters, when you described Mr. Bridge's cello playing, I was able to hear it in my mind, but when you tried to do the same with Octavia's portrayal of what the sunrise sounded like i just wasn't able to make it real so it really made me feel separated from the story as though I weren't actually in the audience listening to the music or by her side. Compare those two scenes(Mr. Bridge playing his life and Octavia playing the sunrise) and I think it could help you in that section of the ending. To make it clear, I really felt the story had changed its pacing or something starting when Octavia began her performance.
ReplyDeleteI just want to make it clear though, this fic was beautiful. It had a perfect rate of character/story development and I give this a perfect five stars, I plan to read any fics you have already written or plan to create just because this one left such a lasting impression on me(that's saying something because now that I'm currently out of school I spend nearly all day everyday just reading fan-fics from the greatest and most powerful TV series ever). Again, I cant emphasize this enough, this was a fantastic story and I really hope you make more that are as heartfelt as this one is.
A new story by Chicken Vortex (who still is my favorite author :P) that I haven't read yet? I really have to catch up on that :O
ReplyDeleteI think I'll find time to read it next week.
@Chicken Vortex
ReplyDeleteIn the light of your reformed scene of falling action, I will reform my previous comment. Not only were you able to make rational the guards releasing him, but smooth the progression of that scene into their forming such a tight friend group. Wow that sentence was convoluted.
I just want to say that with that change you remedied all of my ills with that part of the story. And personally, I like the ending.
@sotha
ReplyDeleteYour feedback fills me with joy Sotha. A thousand thanks to you. I'm very glad you liked it.
I only read the revised ending (herp derp backlog keeps fics like this buried far longer than they should be), but I personally think that it works fine. From what it sounds like the original ending had the guards just let Frederic go? If so, then yes, I think this one is much better.
ReplyDeleteIn regards to the story, it was a fantastic piece, I think. The Mr. Bridge character was an interesting one, and I fully expected him to be played as a tragic victim when his backstory was ultimately revealed (so the fact that he really wasn't was quite refreshing, and I thank you for that). His relationship with Octavia as an Obi-Wan style mentor with his own flaws was nice to see.
All in all, I only have one criticism for the story, and that is that Octavia got over not wanting to perform pretty quickly (but even on that point I'm conflicted, so feel free to ignore this bit).
And I actually think the bit with Frederic taking Octavia over the bridge worked fantastically. Octavia knew something was wrong, but she was also much more worried about Frederic than herself, so I don't see her actions as being "wrong," so to speak.
Oh, and I feel I should also mention that this is my personal "Official Octavia Backstory" now, unless hell freezes over and she gets one in Season 2.
ReplyDeleteWhy the hell isn't this a 6-star?
ReplyDeleteThis was Magnificent. It simply makes me want to take my guitar up right now, in the middle of the night - Close my eyes and just play - thinking of nothing besides what I -feel-, not what I -hear-
ReplyDeleteAll of my Stars, you shall have them.
This was Magnificent. It simply makes me want to take my guitar up right now, in the middle of the night - Close my eyes and just play - thinking of nothing besides what I -feel-, not what I -hear-
ReplyDeleteAll of my Stars, you shall have them.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete@Equestria Dude
ReplyDeleteThe fact that my story makes you want to do that is fantastic! If you have the power to do so then by all means do it I say. Tell me if it's as nice as it sounds.
Is it bad that it didn't click with me that these were the other ponies in the gala quartet til half way through the last chapter. I mean in hindsight its so obvious.
ReplyDelete@Alexstrazsa
ReplyDeleteHi there Alexstrazsa. I actually got the names off of the MLP:FiM wiki, so no I didn't make them up.... OK maybe I made up one of them, but only because they didn't have a name yet. Whatever the case, I might have at least made the names a little more POPULAR by using them here! I like to imagine I did anyway.
Why oh why is this not six stars? this, one of the most eloquently written, touching, and relatable and (quick, before I dive into hyperbole) just down right brilliant stories I have had the pleasure to read.
ReplyDeleteI loved every bit of this. I will never stop being amazed with what exceptional authors can do with background ponies with a whole 2 minutes, max, of screen time. Octy and Vinyl are my favorite background ponies, simply because of stories like this. How you handled octavia's character, her lonely but thoughtful nature, but especially her moments of social ineptitude, I loved, loved, loved. You make me want to play music. I suck at music. Congratz, you may just have inspired me to not only take up piano, but also to finally start writing like I've always wanted to.
Now, to balance this hopeless fanboyism, a minor complaint: Mr. Bridges backstory, and Fred's... psychosis. They seemed a little out of place or forced, the darker nature seemingly without warrant. Can quite explain it. I never really enjoyed grimdark elements in pony fics because it classes so much with the premiss of the show they're based on.
Regardless, I need to wrap up this overly long bit of praise. You did wonderfully, I will now go read all your other stuff that looks equally stupendous, and hope you keep going.
finally, did you purposely make Mr. Bridge's name music related? Bridge, as in bridge of a string instrument? oh, and vinyl. yay for vinyl allusion. cementing this as a favorite fic.
done
@Risky
ReplyDeleteHi Risky! and thank you for such a thoughtful comment. I'm happy to hear that my story might have inspired you, and I hope you do try your hand at piano and writing. That would be very cool.
Also as for your question about Mr. Bridge's name, I actually didn't notice that it was a music pun at first. Until the part where Octavia told her parents he was a teacher at the school it had never even occur to me! Just a happy coincidence there I guess. Yay.
Was this a prequel to the Vinyl Scratch Tapes? Because it seems like at the end that they were going to Ponyville to see Mr. Bridge's daughter which I think is Vinyl. Anyway this was very well done story. Man is it depressing though.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/06/story-vinyl-scratch-tapes.html
I've read this three times over, and I JUST got the double meaning behind Mr. Bridge's name. Shoot me now.
ReplyDeleteBut, anyway, WHY NO SIX STAR
"A musician of sorts"?
ReplyDeleteHello, Vinyl.
(I will let all your other well-earned fans speak for me in saying this was a truly masterful piece, and is my new official canon for Octy's backstory. Well done, my friend. Well done.)
I was listening to a playlist of cello songs as I read this, and it made the experience truly magical. How you worded both Mr Bridge's song and "Sunrise" were so moving, it gave me goosebumps (just as the Sonic Rainboom does!)
ReplyDeleteAnd to top it off, I finished reading the story as one of the cello songs ended in applause! How's that for coincidence?! :P
SPOILER ALERT!!!
ReplyDeleteDocument 1:
Prologue:
tossing the strap over her shoulder and tugging it onto her back. She had to fold the strap over and hold it in her mouth to prevent it from dragging on the ground, but eventually she would be big enough that that wouldn’t be a problem anymore.
-I am having trouble visualizing this clearly in my head. You aren't having her walk bipedally as part of her training are you?
Chapter 1:
After she had gotten her cutie mark (a garishly bright pink treble clef, not that it mattered to her) her parents made it even harder to have a social life.
-I assume that she just thinks that her talent is a DIFFERENT area of music? Was she playing a cello when she got her mark? Or is she just doubting her talent for music despite her mark?
the fact that she had spent the majority of her life alone in her room with nothing but her stupid cello as company had made her quite good at it.
-Or, more precisely, thinking her talent with that particular instrument (or music in general?) is ONLY due to the large amount of practice?
(Gotta stop here... things to do and places to be... will resume later.)
@Draco Dei
ReplyDeleteRighto Draco Dei. I'll be watching.
SPOILER ALERT!!!
ReplyDelete“But your cutie mark! I remember the day you got it. Surely you can’t say that that’s just a coincidence as well!”
-My point exactly.
“Playing the cello is literally the only thing I’ve been allowed to do. It was bound to end up being music related in some way, whether I wanted it to be or not.”
-Interesting metaphysical point.
all those years ago in class.
-I don't recall getting the feeling of a time-skip. If the change of the cello's positioning on her back was the major clue to that, then it just seemed to me like she was taking the necessary precautions (unwillingly).
Frédéric Horseshoepin
-Chopin pun?
(it was one of the only time of the day that she was specifically told not to play the cello).
-Well, she might have her breakthrough playing for Mr Bridge, but this line makes me wonder if you are going to intentionally take a line from "Mister Holland's Opus" and have her "play the sunrise", AT sunrise... and maybe for Mr Bridge (who I suspect MIGHT be something other than what he appears since Equestria doesn't seem to me to be the sort of place where there are long-term homeless... then again, I could be wrong).
“What? Really mother? You want me to wear this thing in front of everyone?”
-Ah, the origins of the bowtie (not that it ESPECIALLY needed any, but it is good to have never-the-less).
Looks like she would get to play for an empty house once again.
-Based on the summary, this might be part of the problem.
A computer, running through calculated motions with precision and grace.
-A bit of anachronism here.
She was Octavia Adagio Concordia, the clockwork cellist.
-This is an effective line in continuing the sad feel of the story.
“I say this because you were all told that there would be one winner, but this year, due to receiving top marks in every category by all the judges, there are two.”
-Octavia and Fredrick I should think.... SLIGHT chance of Octavia+Bluenote.
-Yep, called it.
@Draco Dei
ReplyDeleteI must say, I find reading your real time observations about my story quite interesting. What you said about the computer quote was also a good point. I changed it along with a few other things, so thanks for that.
this is still one of my favorite stories here
ReplyDeletePart 3 actually nearly made me cry when Mr. Bridge played and explained it to Octavia... This is a great fic...
ReplyDeletePart 3 actually nearly made me cry when Mr. Bridge played and explained it to Octavia... This is a great fic...
ReplyDeletethat was fun
ReplyDeleteand it still is
ReplyDelete