• Fallout Equestria Side Stories (Lots of updates!)


    Have a monthly update! Lots of new fics this time around., along with the new image. 

    All stories in the Fallout Equestria Side Story post completely skip the pre-readers.  Quality levels are pretty random, but that isn't really the point.  People really love Fallout Equestria, and taking a part of the world for themselves to build a story around is just fun. 

    If you find any broken links, toss me an email!

    Check them all out after the break.



    [Crossover][Grimdark]

    Author: Sales Kital
    Description: A Pegasus pony wakes to find himself in a stable testing room with few memories and only a letter from his sister to remind him of his past, and some un-natural abilities. As he makes new friends and reunites with old friends the true nature of the Forgotten Wasteland gets revealed, as well as signs of other survivors of The Vault's Experiment.(Please post reviews of this story on the FIMFiction page)
    Fallout: Equestria - Forgotten Light

    Additional Tags: Fallout, Post-Apocalyptic, Unorthodox, OC Ponies, Amnesia, Stable-tec Experiment

    Game Mod: Dash's Lightning 

    [Grimdark][Crossover]  Side Story by another author!


    Author: VenomPepsi
    Description: A young stallion awakens to find himself in a cruel unforgiving Equestria, and has to learn how to survive. Set within Kkat's fanfic.
    Fallout: Equestria: Stalliongrad
    Fallout: Equestria: Stalliongrad Part 2 

    Fallout: Equestria: Stalliongrad Part 3
    Fallout: Equestria: Stalliongrad Part 4

    Additional Tags: Fallout, Equestria, Fanfic, Within, Fanfic, Incomplete, Buck, H.E.L.P.


    [Grimdark][Crossover]

    Author: dragonshardz
    Description: What happens when Enclave ponies have non-pegasus children? They become Fallen.
    Fallout: Equestria - Cold North Prologue
    Fallout: Equestria - Cold North Part 1

    Additional Tags: Fallout, Equestria, Incomplete, OCs, First-person, mostly OCs. One oblique mention of Rainbow Dash.

    [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

    Author: Daniel Scott
    Description: There are many stories in the wasteland, many remain untold, many never will, as is the nature of war and war, war never changes. This is the story of project safe-stable, run by the Ardenalia* stem of Stable-Tec, a series of stables built to safeguard a select portion of the population from mega-spell warfare. Of course this was not the real reason why these stables were created, that was far more sinister. This tale of the post apocalyptic wasteland that was Ardenalia, begins with the residents of safe-stable number 34, specifically a grey, ordinary looking unicorn pony named Abigail Ponyton
    Fallout Ardenalia Part 1
    Fallout Ardenalia Part 2 
    Fallout Ardenalia Part 3
    Fallout Ardenalia Part 4

    Additional Tags: Fallout, Australia, Psychological, Dark, Wasteland, Abigail, Tobias, John, Amata

    [Grimdark][Crossover]

    Author: theBSDude
    Description: Equestria history: How does one go from pastel pony to wasteland raider? A series of simple compromises. Hoofsong lived a privileged life in an open Stable in the metro, until she earned her cutie mark and struck out for greater purpose. Her little band of adventurers grows into a gang, while tough decisions about resources and moral snowball.
    Deviant Art
    Fallout: Equestria - Loshadinyĭstan Prologue
    Fallout: Equestria - Loshadinyĭstan Part 1 

    Google Documents
    Fallout: Equestria - Loshadinyĭstan Prologue
    Fallout: Equestria - Loshadinyĭstan Part 1 

    Additional Tags: Fallout, Equestria, Metro, Slippery Slope, Psychological, incomplete

    [Grimdark][Crossover][Shipping][Adventure]

    Author: D4SHTH3R4INB0W
    Description: Hard Wing, a lone pegasus from stable 2. He wished for adventure, he wished to be rid of the grey prison which is the stable. He wished to change the wasteland. When the two mares left stable 2 he followed them. He met the harsh wasteland and its, inhabitants. He set out to seek allies who shared his wish to change the wasteland, gaining many valuable, loyal, honest friends. Friends that would stick by him till the bitter end because even in the once lushious lands of Equestria, war never changes, neither does friendship.
    Fallout: Equestria - Hard Wing

    Additional Tags: Equestria, Hard Wing, Post apocalypse, survival, friendship, incomplete

    [Crossover][Grimdark]

    Author: Ken Stone
    Description: A brain damaged mare and her crippled daughter wander around Ponyville a
    day after Littlepip passed through.
    Fallout: Equestrian Adventure

    Additional Tags: betrayal, cyborg, weapons, fight, wander, Lee, Annd

    [Crossover][Grimdark]

    Author: Jeff Tielke
    Description: The Goddesses of the land are dead, or are they? An ancient god sets out to revive the goddesses without trying to upset the laws of the world.
    Fallout:Equestria - To be an Immortal Part Prologue
    Fallout:Equestria - To be an Immortal Part 1
    Fallout:Equestria - To be an Immortal Part 2
    Fallout:Equestria - To be an Immortal Part 3
    Fallout:Equestria - To be an Immortal Part 4

    Additional Tags: Long, Fallout, OC Ponies, grimdark, Ethstar, Aliana

    [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

    Author: Melon Hunter
    Description: Spared from the megaspells that annihilated Equestria, the city of New Neighgas is a haven of the Old World, set amongst a sea of chaos. Warred over by two armies bearing the standards of the ancient royal alicorns, it seems that the city will forever be embroiled in conflict for its pre-war treasures. However, all that is set to change with the package borne by the pegasus courier Spectrum from Stable 84, a pegasus who could alter the landscape of Neighgas forever, or could be crushed beneath its foundations like so many before her...
    Fallout: Equestria: New Neighgas


    Additional Tags: Fallout, post-apocalyptic, spin-off, long, adventure


    [Adventure]

    Author: Damnfool Brony
    Description: When Littlepip messed-up Red Eye’s operations near the Fillydelphia crater, Xenith wasn’t the only one she accidentally freed. This is the tale of Lucky Charm, one of the many fillies and colts, now young mares and stallions, who were separated from their parents when Red Eye’s slaver-ponies swept the Equestrian Wasteland for his ‘volunteer’ workforce. Intelligent, educated and pragmatic, Lucky has finally escaped Red Eye’s perfect prison of pampering and privilege and reached the world beyond.

    Now free, Lucky is at a loss. Though he’s thrown off Red Eye’s yolk, he’s lost the single, driving force that had made him silently resist Red Eye’s constant propaganda in the first place. To survive the physical and psychological horrors of the wasteland Lucky must find his reason for being or die trying.

    Set within Kkat’s Fallout: Equestria and attempting to run parallel to it.
    FO:E "Kiss Equestria Goodbye

    Additional Tags: Fallout, OC Ponies, Lasers, Post-Apocalyptic, Spinoff, OC Ponies

    [Sad]

    Author: JasonMyles
    Description: This story takes place in the fallout times.
    A young pony named Jason Was caught just outside a huge MegaSpell Blast
    While his best friend was caught inside.
    Starting to slip he sends messages to his Supposed dead Gf.
    Though before sending a message he was caught in some strange events
    Will he find a way? or will he loose it?
    Fallout Equestria: In Celestia's Care (Waiting on unlock)


    Additional Tags: oc mostly, And some of the mane cast


    [Grimdark][Crossover]
    Author: HeavyIsSentry
    Description: Loosly based on new vegas and fallout:equestria.
    After war unleashed hell on the world,A single courier was hired for a simple delivery mission. Little did he know, that the simple mission will throw him into adventures he never wanted to be in
    Fallout: New Canterlot

    Additional Tags: The first story I wrote


    [Grimdark][Crossover][Shipping][Sad]

    Author: Squallious
    Description: A quizzical mare finds her way into the equestrian wasteland, escaping a wholesale slaughter of everything she ever knew. As she sets off to find out who is responsible, who knows what else she may find?
    Fallout Equestria Side Story: Summer Showers Bring May Flowers


    Additional Tags: Wanderlust, Fallout, Long, OC ponies, Adventure

    [Grimdark][Crossover][Sad]

    Author: Sgt Muffin
    Description:Set before the balefire spread across Equestria. This the story of Lieutenant in the Equestrian army and how he fought not just for his country but for his life.
    Fallout Equestria: Before the End Prologue
    Fallout Equestria: Before the End Part 1

    Fallout Equestria: Before the End Part 2
    Fallout Equestria: Before the End Part 3
    Fallout Equestria: Before the End Part 3 (New!)

    Additional Tags: Long, war, death, fallout, fighting

    [Grimdark][Crossover]

    Author: Vanner
    Description: Every day, dozens of ponies fall to the cruelty of the wastes. For one pony, the end of every life is the start of a new. This is the tale of the Gardener and his quest to restore Equestria by burying the past.
    Fallout Equestria: Gardener (All Links)

    Additional Tags: Rebirth, Life, Death, Redemption, Penance

    [Grimdark][Crossover]

    Source


    Author: No One
    Description:  Inspired by the heroics of the mysterious mare known as the Stable Dweller, Silver Storm, a guard of the town of Marefort, decides to go on a daring mission to rescue her captured brother. Of course things rarely go as planned and her attempts at heroism drags her into a tangled web of plots and conspiracies as warring factions vie for control over the last great city: Dise.
    Fallout Equestria: Heroes Prologue
    Fallout Equestria: Heroes Part 1
    Fallout Equestria: Heroes Part 2
    Fallout Equestria: Heroes Part 3
    Fallout Equestria: Heroes Part 4
    Fallout Equestria: Heroes Part 5 (New!)
    Fallout Equestria: Heroes Part 6 (New!)
    Fallout Equestria: Heroes Part 7 (New!)



    Additional Tags: grimdark fallout crossover adventure Silver Storm, Wildfire, Smooth Tongue

    [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

    Author: Pony Rock
    Description: In command of his first squad, Enclave Sergeant Moon Chaser must infiltrate the crumbling city known as Big Smoke and stop an anti-Enclave plot. What is the secret of Stable 322, and what does it mean for the future of the Enclave and the rest of Equestria?
    Fallout Equestria: Big Smoke

    Additional Tags: Long, Spin-off, Post-Apocalyptic, The Enemy, OC Ponies

    [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

    Author: Roy Calbeck
    Description: Dead-Shot's a bounty hunter, and a high-paying New Pegas client wants payback on whoever killed their pet courier. But a pony could damn near retire just on the bonus offered for the goods the courier was carrying..
    Fallout Equestria: New Pegas (All Links)

    Additional Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Grimdark, Incomplete, OC Ponies, Story Dead-Shot

    [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

    Author: StarfallRaptor
    Description: There are many Stables built in the area around Canterlot. Of these, Stable 110 is the most secure and well-hidden. So well-hidden, in fact, that many don't even know that it exists anymore. This is the story of Reon, a young security officer from the Stable, who sets out from the only home he's ever known into the harsh wasteland of post-megaspell Equestria. Along the road he will have to travel, he will learn of friendship, of strength, and most of all, what it means to be a hero...
    Fallout: Equestria: To be a Hero

    Additional Tags: Fallout, Crossover, Fanfiction, Action, RPG


    [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

    Author: ThatFrenchBrony
    Description: It can be somewhat unsettling to wake up in the middle of the inhospitable Equestrian wasteland with no recollection of the past whatsoever. That said, you don’t necessarily need the past to leave an imprint on the course of the future, either. But will the memento of one pony in particular be for better or for worse?
    Fallout Equestria- N'oubliez Part 1
    Fallout Equestria- N'oubliez Part 2

    Additional Tags: Fallout, Adventure, Crossover, Grimdark, Incomplete


    [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

    Author: Quotidian Torture
    Description: "Dirt Cheap". The squad known throughout the Enclave as a refuge for screw-ups and dissidents, ponies who high command doesn't want to deal with, but can't afford to just "disappear" outright. Instead, they're given a mission and sent into the wasteland on the tail of the Enclave's grand Reclamation effort. But when something goes horribly wrong, they learn first-hand how unforgiving the wastes can be, and what completing their mission will cost.
    Fallout: Equestria - Stormfront


    Additional Tags: Long, Fallout, Enclave, Post-Apocalyptic, Spinoff.



    [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

    Author: a Friendly Hobo
    Description: Two young stallions, bored out of their minds in a small frontier town to the west, join a courier service in hopes to escape their mundane lives.
    what seemed like a simple delivery job has taken a turn for the worse.
    This is the story of Clover and his fight for both his life and his sanity as he travels across the vast expanse of the Ponave desert.
    Fallout Equestria: Tales of a Courier Part 1
    Fallout Equestria: Tales of a Courier Part 2
    Fallout Equestria: Tales of a Courier Part 3
    Fallout Equestria: Tales of a Courier Part 4
    Fallout Equestria: Tales of a Courier Part 5 (New!)
    Fallout Equestria: Tales of a Courier Part 6 (New!)
    Fallout Equestria: Tales of a Courier Part 7 (New!)

    Fallout Equestria: Tales of a Courier (All Links)

    Additional Tags: Desert, Dark, OC Ponies, Adventure, Gore.



    [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

    Author: Quick Study
    Description: With two years of his memories missing and the rest fuzzy, a Steel Ranger Scribe named Hotwire attempts to find purpose. But after receiving a new member to his squad, his memories begin to gradually return. When these memories reveal a dark past, will his squad mates help him find redemption? Based on KKats Fallout Equestria.
    Fallout Equestria: Brotherhoof of Steel Part 1
    Fallout Equestria: Brotherhoof of Steel Part 2

    Additional Tags: Hotwire, Penicillin, Ember Pie, Prism, Fo E: side story, post-apocalyptic, long, OC ponies, adventure


    [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

    Author: Appledan
    Description: What happens when your perfect life is taken away from you? Can you truly stay yourself? After being thrown into the wasteland Cogshift will have to learn to survive, without losing himself to it.
    Fallout Equestria: Knight of Olden Times (New!)

    Additional Tags: Spinoff, Fallout: Equestria, OC Ponies, Post-Apocalyptic,

    [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

    Author: ~Aerondight~
    Description: Having lost everypony he cared about one unicorn finds himself in a foreign land.With danger and enemies around every corner he sets of on an adventure that could wary well change the course of the post-apocalyptic Equestria.Meeting new friends and learning more about himself on his journey in the zebras homeland and beyond.
    Fallout Equestria: Gathering Darkness Part 1 (New!)
    Fallout Equestria: Gathering Darkness Part 2 (New!)
    Fallout Equestria: Gathering Darkness Part 3 (New!)


    Fallout Equestria: Gathering Darkness (All Links)

    Additional Tags: Post-Apocalyptic, OC Ponies, Incomplete Fo:E spinoff, Adventure




    [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

    Author: Duckman
    Description: For almost one hundred years, Stable 55 had been a scientific haven in the wasteland, built on the backs of Equestria's brightest.
    Under the orders of Stable's AI, a dangerous new project began - The Grand Galloping Gardens Creation Kit.
    It was never successful. For fifty years, the Stable remained dormant, until one young mare was pieced back together and sent on a mission to bring help to the survivors of Stable 55.
    Fallout Equestria: Hoofington Rises Part 1 (New!)
    Fallout Equestria: Hoofington Rises Part 2 (New!)
    Fallout Equestria: Hoofington Rises Part 3 (New!)
    Fallout Equestria: Hoofington Rises Part 4 (New!)

    Additional Tags: Post-apocalyptic, Survival, Horror, Project Horizons spinoff, Long


    [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

    Author: Ten Mihara
    Description: 200 years is a long time. Through those years, and the experiences that filled them, I came to possess the knowledge that I imparted to everypony using the Wasteland Survival Guide. Now, it's time to tell my side of the story.
    The Ditzy Doo Chronicles Intro (New!)
    The Ditzy Doo Chronicles Part 1 (New!)
    The Ditzy Doo Chronicles Part 2 (New!)
    The Ditzy Doo Chronicles Part 3 (New!)
    The Ditzy Doo Chronicles Part 4 (New!)

    Additional Tags: Prequel, May Cure, timeskip interludes, there will be muffins!

    [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

    Author: Strobe
    Description: When Mint Jelup's Stable is attacked by raiders, everything she knows is taken from her. Now, she's on a quest to get it all back, but the Wasteland has other plans....
    Fallout Equestria: Friendship is Power Part 1 (New!)
    Fallout Equestria: Friendship is Power Part 2 (New!)
    Fallout Equestria: Friendship is Power Part 3 (New!)

    Additional Tags: Long, Bartender braves the wastes

    Source
    [Grimdark][Crossover][Adventure]

    Author: Ilushia
    Description: Having lost much of her past, memories and purpose in life, Aurora Borealis stumbles upon the junkyard and its sole inhabitant Scraps. Having regained her name and desiring to find her past and place in the world, she begins to walk the paths of discovery. But what she finds and what impact she has may be more than she ever expected.
    Fallout: Equestria - New Beginnings Prologue (New!)
    Fallout: Equestria - New Beginnings Part 1 (New!)
    Fallout: Equestria - New Beginnings Part 2 (New!)

    Additional Tags: Fallout Equestria Side Fiction OC Ponies

    395 comments:

    1. "So I heard you liked Fallout Equestria?"

      That's an understatement. A massive understatement.

      ReplyDelete
    2. The way the tags are placed on the first story relative to the second.... OCD ACTIVATED!

      ReplyDelete
    3. Only complaint I had about Forgotten Light was that some sentences were stringed together, entire paragraphs stood as single sentences. Punctuation please.

      Otherwise, I love the plot, and would like to see where this is going!

      ReplyDelete
    4. Fanfic of fanfic? BHWAAAAA! But also yay more of the literal ponpocalypse.

      ReplyDelete
    5. Forgotten Light is pretty badly constructed... The prose feels rushed, and not in a stylistic intentional way; in a 'doesn't take any time to establish mood' way. Like with the tears over the letter from his sister, or his frustration with the busted door--they just needed more build-up, or context, or something.

      Plus like Anon said, too many run-on sentences.

      Still love Fallout: Stalliongrad, though.

      ReplyDelete
    6. @Anonymous @G.G. Gala

      I will try to clean up the story, I don't have people checking me for that stuff beforehand. When I had a few people proofread they didn't mention those bits.

      ReplyDelete
    7. @G.G. Gala would you care to help with proofreading so I can make the proper adjustments to future chapters?

      ReplyDelete
    8. I really like this idea, it lets some aspiring writers tread waters that have been seemingly dominated by the one fic Fallout Equestria without feeling like they'll be completely buried.

      ReplyDelete
    9. >> Basharoonskis

      Heh, that's a good problem to have though.. this fandom makes such excellent material that the standards are set high. :3

      ReplyDelete
    10. WOOO! More Fallout: Equestria stuff! Can't get enough of this. Kkat is a genius, and the world he's masterfully crafted from these two franchises is big, and full of room for different authors. I will read these with joy :D

      ReplyDelete
    11. @Sir Leadhead
      I hope you enjoy Forgotten Light. I corrected some punctuation and fleshed out some parts of the story.

      ReplyDelete
    12. @Paul

      well, I re-downloaded it so I can reads it later, don't quite have the time to yet. But thanks for letting me know you edited it so I could save the edits on my hard drive for later ;) I'm sure it's better than the comments suggest, from my experience, I either have really low standards or everypony is way too harsh on the comments and expects Chaucer or something.

      anywho, I'll give my own opinion once I read it ;)

      ReplyDelete
    13. @Sir Leadhead
      I look forward to reading your feedback

      ReplyDelete
    14. Awesome. Now we are fully authorised to make fanfiction of fanfiction about technicolour ponies.

      When you make a story grand enough to establish its own setting that others work off, you're doing something right.

      ReplyDelete
    15. Well, I've just read Forgotten Light, and I have three problems to point out.
      1: I'm think that a prewar pony would not pray to Celestia, as it is my impression that Celestia and Luna weren't prayed to until after the war.
      2: In the same vein, why does the main character refer to the pegasus armor as Pegasus Enclave armor? The Enclave was formed because of the destruction of Cloudsdale, and from the looks of things the main character went into stasis before that happened.
      3: The technical quality of the prose…oh dear. Please, please find a copyeditor; I only persevered because I wanted to find out if point two was answered.

      ReplyDelete
    16. needs to be more of them all

      ReplyDelete
    17. @Anonymous

      how bout instead of saying to find a copy editor offer to be one?

      ReplyDelete
    18. also i'm weaiting to hear back from kkat on those details like the enclave armor and praying to celestia

      ReplyDelete
    19. @Paul
      Here's an edited first paragraph:
      "The wasteland: unforgiving for many, death for so many more.  It is, however, home to many secrets, one of which was an unmarked stable.  This stable, like many others was, meant to serve as a shelter for many ponies.  It lay in the far northern part of Equestria, where the only nearby settlement was a burnt out military base.  Though one would at first glance think the stable lay abandoned, there was one pony in this stable. That pony was me, and I didn’t even know it; I'd been in an experimental stasis pod since before the bombs fell."
      If you like that, perhaps we can work out a way for me to work on it.

      ReplyDelete
    20. Lonely roads looks quite interesting, and the technical quality is good. I look forward to the next update.

      ReplyDelete
    21. @Anonymous

      sounds good, I have several instant messeage programs, Skype, and steam are my most common ones, my email is saleskital@gmail.com skype is sales.kital and steam is saleskital(display name {BFG}Sales Kital

      feel free to contact me by any of those so we can work together on this ^.^

      ReplyDelete
    22. I did not know that two other people had wrote their own fanfic's of a fanfic! Wow. I have some competition. >:D

      ReplyDelete
    23. @venompepsi

      we don't have to be competition, after all I'm hooked on your sidestory as well as the main story. I hope you like mine as well, now that I'm getting help with prose

      ReplyDelete
    24. Yo dawg, I heard you like Fallout: Equestria...

      ReplyDelete
    25. @Paul
      I've emailed you.

      ReplyDelete
    26. Well, Stalliongrad plot seems to be advancing in an interesting manner, and the technical quality seems to have improved somewhat.

      ReplyDelete
    27. Fallout: Equestria Forgotten Light (1)
      -I find it quite strange that, even if he's a military pony, that after waking up from a TWO-HUNDRED year sleep... that he's not more concerned by everything being, you know, all dead-like around him ? (also... take bottle caps casually ?)

      Fallout: Equestria: Stalliongrad
      -I do hope he will be a bit more surprised to see a devastated wasteland, after a 200year 'stasis' ? Also he oddly isn't much surprised to have ponies trying to kill him ?

      ReplyDelete
    28. in Forgotten light Silver Aura does not know that it has been 200 years yet. He just thinks something fell on the base. Expect a better reaction to the whole 200 year thing in chapter 2.

      Taking the bottlecaps was based of the logic of, "why do both of them have these? maybe Their important" along the lines of thinking that some sort of intel could be gathered from them.

      ReplyDelete
    29. another bit of info about the area, the only thing that really changed outside where the base was set up in 200 years was the crater and the base being in ruin

      ReplyDelete
    30. @ paul

      It was... nice.

      looks like I'm late to the commenting party, though, what needs to be said has been said. You have potential there, I would indeed like to see what this newly awakened enclave officer thinks of his fellow pegasi's new outlook on life, as well as what he thinks of the wasteland.

      but you'll need to work on your prose. look up run-on sentences on wikipedia, and how to avoid them. With practice and careful editing, I'm sure you'll be a stellar writer. I look forward to your next chapters ;)

      and don't think I've forgotten about you, venompepsi! I like your style so far, although sometimes your room descriptions are too wordy and not exactly clear. try reading what you write out loud and see if it makes sense (you do that too, paul.) I wonder how that raider will react to having her life saved... havent read part two yet, so I suppose we shall see!

      havent read yours yet, erthilio, but I will! Expect comments!

      I encourage you all to continue in your endevors! know at least one reader out there (me) eagerly awaits what you write!

      ReplyDelete
    31. @Sir Leadhead

      Thank you for the input, I was watching myself for prose a bit closer in chapter 2, and chapter 1 has been edited for prose as well. Chapter 2 should be up when seth posts it's link on the site, I didn't go into quite so much detail with the room designs in chapter 2 as i did in chapter 1. Also due to a question being answered by kkat for me, I have chosen to change pegasus enclave to the alternate anonymous suggested to me in copy editing, My char would know of the armor as being used by the Equestrian Skyguard, which later would become the enclave after the bombs fell.

      ReplyDelete
    32. We need your clopfic here, PFT! You know you want it too! :D

      ReplyDelete
    33. The link to the second part of Forgotten Light appears to be broken; it leads to another copy of part 1.

      ReplyDelete
    34. @Anonymous

      Thank you for mentioning that, I sent seth a email with the proper link.

      ReplyDelete
    35. Seems to have died down here quite a bit.

      I'm pretty sure the saying that comments keep people motivated is very true, so I'd just like to point out that I am watching Stalliongrad and Forgotten Light with some anticipation.

      @dragonshardz

      Y U ONLY RELEASE PROLOGUE?
      The idea seems interesting at least, so I hope that we'll be seeing some more of this.

      Apart from that, more people commenting would be nice.

      ReplyDelete
    36. Re the new chapter of Lonely Roads:
      The plot thickens. I continue to be interested in this.
      Re Cold North:
      You have an intriguing beginning, and I want to learn more. However, airborne raiders? How does that work? Are they pegasi gone bad, or are they cobbled-together airships that inexplicably haven't been shot down by the Enclave's technology?

      ReplyDelete
    37. @Erthilo

      I'm still working on Part 1. I'll release it as soon as it's done.

      ReplyDelete
    38. @Erthilo
      Good to know, Expect something from ch2 to show up on fallout 3 nexus when chapter 3 gets made.

      ReplyDelete
    39. @Anonymous

      Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of griffins, and some pegasi gone bad. I /may/ throw the airship idea in there.

      ReplyDelete
    40. @Unknown

      Also, this comment is me - for some reason Blogger didn't save my username when I posted it.

      ReplyDelete
    41. Does anypony here wish there were New Vegas references in the Fallout: Equestria stuff? Of course, then again, Fallout 3 didn't have Sarsparilla, but, still...

      ReplyDelete
    42. @AwesomeLuna

      Well, Kkat still has some ways to go yet before finishing FO:E, so we might see something there.

      And you have a whole four of us writing about the universe we like. I'm sure atleast one of us has played New Vegas (I know I have!), so you never know...

      ReplyDelete
    43. @AwesomeLuna
      You didn't read chapter 2 of my story yet did you? Sunrise Sarsparilla in the commander's safe. My story is Forgotten Light btw. I used Sunrise Sarsparilla to stick with how kkat made it in the main story.

      ReplyDelete
    44. Im writing one about a pegasus who lived his life ina stable because his great x6 grandfather broke his wing when people were hiding from the megaspells and he ended up in the same stable as LilPip and Velvet. when they leave he decides to elave too.
      D4SHTH3R4INB0W

      ReplyDelete
    45. @AwesomeLuna

      Actually, Kkat's fic mentions Sunrise Sarsparilla. Repeatedly.

      ReplyDelete
    46. @Anonymous
      might want to ask kkat if there were any pegasi in Stable 2. because that is dangerously close to trying to rewrite kkat's story from the sounds of it.

      ReplyDelete
    47. @Other ponies

      That's why I MENTIONED Sarsparilla. D:<

      ReplyDelete
    48. @Anonymous Not to rain on your parade, but Littlepip reacts to Calamity like he's the first pegasus she's seen, and there's no real indication that pegasi lived in Stable 2... So I'm pretty sure a pegasus in Stable 2 wouldn't work.

      ReplyDelete
    49. I'm sad to see that these fanfics are slowing down, they're fairly good at staying to the world Kkat set up so far, and they're fun to read, But i guess if it never gets bumped up to the front page, it doesn't get views

      ReplyDelete
    50. Everyone's probably still tapping away at keyboards, slowly getting something ready to be shown (hopefully).

      But yeah, we don't really get any indication that someone is actually reading anything, except from comments and stuff. And hardly anyone knows we're here, so we don't get those.

      Still, new chapter of Forgotten Light, woop.

      ReplyDelete
    51. Ironic, someone submits a new fic the day after i say it needs a bump! Reading naow

      ReplyDelete
    52. I want mine up here =3
      i got an intro and a chapter one up to now =P i want to atleast get chapter 3 done then go over my previous chapters.
      Quote from my Fic
      "Mt name is Hard Wing. This is my story."
      FALLOUT EQUESTRIA
      *Insert awesome fallout music here*
      D4SHTH3R4INB0W

      ReplyDelete
    53. Personally I think any fan fiction needs to avoid stable 2, or any interaction with it. If you go there, it is closed, if you can even find it. If you try to contact those that are inside you get no response on the terminal. Pegasai would not be in stable two, judging on littlepip's reactions.

      The same goes for Kkat's key characters. Stay away from them.

      I'm also attempting to write something in this scenario, as I've spent many an hour in the games themselves (Fallout 1, 2 and Wasteland, anyway) and have written other post holocaust stuff before. I'm at 4000 words so far ... but nothing significant has happened, so I'm wondering what I'm going to do - keep trying, or just drop it now.

      I'll stfu now.

      ReplyDelete
    54. By the way, Fallout Ardenalia is editable, should change it :P

      ReplyDelete
    55. @dragonshardz

      Oh dear that would be funny. Airships running around. AKA Porco Rosso style pony combat. Fighting each other and trying to stay out of the Enclave's sights all at the same time.

      ReplyDelete
    56. Erthilo - I've enjoyed what I've read so far.

      ReplyDelete
    57. So this is a series of fanfics of a crossover fanfic of two 4-in-a-row sequels.
      Guys ENOUGH.
      I know that itch, when you see a good story, but please, please, pretty please stop this madness. Kkat's work is great an all, but... oh well... You will write and read this anyway...
      Guys, before starting an other fic about fallout just... at least don't make it ongoing and finish it first.
      I just don't feel right about making fics on a fic. This is not "bad" if a fic is not bad, this is just not "right".

      ReplyDelete
    58. ^ Don't listen to him

      ReplyDelete
    59. @Неверхуд фёдорович You've got to have your critics :D

      ReplyDelete
    60. @Неверхуд фёдорович

      Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and all that. Kkat managed to create an interesting new world that is neither entirely Fallout nor MLP. A world setting has room for more stories in it than just the main protagonist. Provided the author has no objections, I definitely don't see a problem.

      ReplyDelete
    61. I think Fallout: Ardenalia has some grammatical issues ongoing here; as there is a lot of punctuation missing in places, some of the plot and the H.O.R.S.E. exam is basically copy-and-paste (evident from the fact that the writer forgot to change it from Vault 101 to Stable 34 at one point).
      Some of the dialogue seems a little forced, as well, especially the part where the protagonist seems to be under some internal conflict; less capitals and actual dialogue should be used here, and possibly replaced with italics or something to distinguish between Abigails thoughts, and the conflicting counter-thoughts.
      After all, she's the only one hearing the voices, isn't she?

      ReplyDelete
    62. lol update the day after i went through 15 pages of history and a lot of searching on the site, well thats what i get for being impatient

      ReplyDelete
    63. I only copied the H.O.R.S.E. exam that was deliberate and I do not deny that

      and yes she is the only one that can hear the voices

      ReplyDelete
    64. voice not voices

      ReplyDelete
    65. ok! I have all the new updates saved and ready for reading after classes. I will be back (probably tomorrow) with reviews and such!

      ReplyDelete
    66. Chapter 4 is currently in the works and I plan to have it hopefully be twice as long as previous chapters.

      ReplyDelete
    67. Forgotten Light - part 3 :

      It's kinda odd for the 2 main characters to simply go and say ''Oh Hi, yeah, we were there 200years ago. Stasis pods, yeah. Kept us fresh all that time, yeah.'', at the first pony they see, like if it was perfectly normal, and a simple casual conversation with a trusted friend ?
      And then Melody goes and talks about her life, just like that, at the 'random pony-marchant of a post-apocalyptic wasteland' ?

      ...survival... they are gonna be dead in 3days Max. at this rate.

      Also, in THIS story, the Dashites are ''Enclave ponies gone good'' ?
      ...so, they are like the equivalent of the ''good group of Brotherhood of Steel, from Fallout 3'', while not exactly being it (since, here, they are initially from the Enclave and not the BoS) ?

      (I'm trying to understand *where* they stand relative to the Fallout Factions...)

      ReplyDelete
    68. @Nova25 the origional explenation of dashites is what fueled my group of them being formed, and as for Cloudy Melody acting like that. she's alot more trusting than Silver Aura at first. even if she knows more of the wasteland she knows little of the betrayal that happens there. The Dashite Unity will have more information reviealed about it in due time in the chapters. The merchant was passing off the whole "we were around 200 years ago" thing as deleriusness, and hoped that the 2 of them would get killed by the threats of the wasteland between the base and Sunset Bay. Silver Aura is alot more skeptickal to trust the ponies in the wasteland, even if they are a Ghoulpony he knew from 200 years ago.

      What I understood from the main story was that the Dashites are all pegasus ponies that left the enclave. The Dashite Unity is a group formed by the Dashites in the forgotten wasteland.

      ReplyDelete
    69. The ''prologue'' of Cold North, especially the end of it, is rather interesting :
      >After a time of wandering, they found a place where they could live in peace - Junction 1.
      They built their own society. They became...
      ...the Fallen.

      Lonely Roads :
      -Meh, I don't know... Can't seem to be interested in that one, for some reasons...

      Might be the ''Recording'' format of it, combined with the fact that it's basicly a story about a Caravan-Pony telling a story... through recordings.

      Ardenalia :
      >begins with the residents of safe-stable number 34
      -34 ? ...was it, you know, intentional ? An inside-joke ?

      >But I don’t want you to go, there has to be another way!
      -Well, if you have the extension, your character can SUDDENLY remember that you have a Super-Mutant friend immune to radiations and... ah right... Too soon ? ;)

      >The situation was not helped by my cutie mark appearing at this moment.
      -Cutie Mark appearing after parents dieing horribly by radiation ? Weird (and disturbing, kinda) way to get a cutie mark ?

      >On one side a brain and on the other a gun
      -I must say, this is, well... Gun and Brain ?
      Getting that mark after seeing the death of her parents ?
      (Suicide cutie mark ? or am I the only one that thought of that ?)

      >A fellow stable 101 resident
      -Well, at that point (from the start in fact, with the birthday scene), it's clear that the story is directly based on Fallout 3. (but then that means this story is totally separated from the original Fallout Equestria's world ? Since in that one, 101 is in Fillydelphia, with Red Eye, and etc...)

      >waiting for the stable door to open for the first time in over 100 years.
      -100 years ? Water-chip ? From Fallout 3 to 1, in 10sec flat, I see ?
      ...wait a minute ?
      >the Stables only spare water purification chip
      -Didn't she break the SPARE water-chip, and not the current/ONLY water-chip ?
      Would have made more sense if there had been only ONE chip, that she would have broke, thus making the expedition a necessity...

      ... Well, that one is interesting so far, even if I can't help but wonder about her Cutie Mark, and that Fallout 3/Fallout 1-like mix ...

      ReplyDelete
    70. @Nova25
      "Lonely Roads :
      -Meh, I don't know... Can't seem to be interested in that one, for some reasons..."
      Really? Interesting; so far, I'm finding that the most well-written and interesting one here. (Not counting Cold North; I don't think enough of that has been posted yet for me to pass judgement on it.)

      ReplyDelete
    71. @Nova25

      Thanks a bunch, Nova25! I'm still working on finishing Part 1, but I've hit some nasty writer's block.

      I hate it when I put my characters in a situation and the have to go, "Okay, what's a logical, but not painfully overdone and obvious, way for them to get out of this?"

      ReplyDelete
    72. @Nova25

      Yeah, I can see your point. It's a relatively unorthodox way of writing, and probably not the best for a first time writer, due to it being a story-within-a-story of a fanfic-within-a-fanfic. (We're ALL crazy here!)

      Still, I hope you'll give the next chapter a read.

      @Anonymous

      All I can say is thanks! I hope you can enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.

      ReplyDelete
    73. Part 1 of Cold North is finally done! I'm about the send the link to Sethisto - I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. Feel free to ask me questions by emailing me or posting here.

      ReplyDelete
    74. Okies, got the first and second chapters of my fic done. Hope everypony likes it.

      ReplyDelete
    75. Oh, stable 101 is / was in the Everfree Forest. Red eye was just using Fillydelphia's manufacturing to build his cathedral of uber monsterness.

      ReplyDelete
    76. In other wrords you're just too lazy to pre-read. You guys are tye worse bloggers in the world, you do Faust so much displeasure as mentioned in her DA

      ReplyDelete
    77. Yay its on!
      BTW I'll accept feedback but i won't really care what you guys say because im f**kin lazy like that... Or will I?
      ... eeeh I might.

      ReplyDelete
    78. @Anonymous

      Actually, these guys are kinda awesome.

      ReplyDelete
    79. So, how would one go about submitting a story to this? Same way as always?

      ReplyDelete
    80. Oh look, I thought I'd come up with something nobody had done yet; a fanfic for this fanfic. Now look what happened.

      ReplyDelete
    81. @Demonsul

      Then there's only one thing to do... you must do a fanfic of a fanfic of a fanfic.

      ReplyDelete
    82. COLD NORTH!

      I recommend this story. Well written, interesting story, very much looking forward to updates on this one!

      ReplyDelete
    83. I've read through a couple of these now. So far the one entitled "Project Horizon" has sparked my interest.

      It has a good pacing to it as of now and introduces a couple of interesting characters. I won't go as far as to say it's perfect, it does need some brushing up, but it still manages to tell a story and hold me captivated.

      ReplyDelete
    84. The first entry of Ardenalia left me underwelmed. I didn't like the way it followed Fallout 3 so closely, the writting wasn't great, and the pacing was jarring. The second part was a marked improvement: divergence from the source, interesting HUD mecanic with the quests and mid-chapter leveling. The pacing was still a little weird, but I can see it coming together. You're writing your own story now.

      I'm liking Cold North. I was skeptical, especially after the Intro just sat there, but the first chapter was solid. Well-written with good world-building. The influence thingie looks interesting, and I like your original perks, taking the influence mechanic into acount (is that a Fallout 1 or 2 thing?). Keep it up, brony.

      Project Horizon has my favorite experimental Stable. Nice Logan's Run/Soylent Green shit going on. Solid writing, also. I like the character interaction. Blackjack's a fun head to ride in.

      Hard wing. Meh. I don't like the insersion into the original, and I don't see anything really engaging. I'll read chapter 2 though.

      ReplyDelete
    85. You have Fallout Ardenalia in here twice.

      ReplyDelete
    86. Dave Mustang, the cynical BronyJuly 12, 2011 at 11:33 AM

      I don't get how Fallout could work with Ponies. Cause I'm a big Fallout fan, and one of the most important aspects is it's setting, take that away then you have a generic post-apocalyptic shooter, ans this story should have been a generic Post-Apolcalyptic story.

      ReplyDelete
    87. Loshadinyĭstan - Was quite short and not very interesting at the begining. It was quite original though, so I hope to see more.

      Hard wing...I have to agree with theBSDude. You shouldn't have mixed it with the original so much and your style of writing is very simple...

      The Cold North and Project Horizon were very good and I can't wait for more!

      ReplyDelete
    88. Cold North seems to be off to a good start. I'm not sure why the Enclave would exile pegasi (or exile instead of kill non-pegasi), but then I'm still not entirely sure they they exile instead of kill Dashites.

      I'm not sure about calling that thing a horse, but maybe horses are a particular type of mutated pony native to this area.

      Oh, and I found the 10% penalty to Enclave relations amusing. Now they're 99+10 percent likely to kill on sight!

      ReplyDelete
    89. Would it be possible to get a Googledocs version of Loshadinyĭstan?

      ReplyDelete
    90. Project Horizon is good, but I've found some typos:
      part 1:
      "there are worst things" ought to be "there are worse things"
      "didn’t have to knock if you didn’t have to" should probably replace the second "have" with "want"
      not a typo, but I think that inserting "the door opened and" into "toilet as I stared" might improve flow
      "thing I that" delete the "I"
      again, not a typo, but I think that replacing "with" with a comma in "and at once darted out with one holding a pistol in his mouth" would improve flow
      "shotgun and triggers S.A.T.S." ought to be "triggered"
      you might want to change "the doorway two stringy" to "the doorway to a store" or something; the location is only made clear later
      "through the match" ought to be "through the hatch"

      part 2:
      "I should ask Twilight how" I assume you mean "ask Midnight"
      -
      MAJOR PLOT ERROR DETECTED:
      The Granny terminal said that Big Macintosh died saving Princess Luna; Big Macintosh died saving Princess Celestia. Quoth Chapter Twelve: "when Big Macintosh leapt in front of a zebra assassin’s bullet meant for Princess Celestia, dying instantly"
      -
      "at the butchered draped across" butchered what?
      "the forth raider" ought to be "fourth"
      "more mindless filth" I don't really understand what you mean here; in 99, was some of the filth sentient?
      "“Get down, girls.”" You might want to distort this; she has a shotgun in her mouth, after all.

      Closing remarks: Well, I was very annoyed when I realized that I'd reached the end of the posted story, and I think that that's a good sign.

      ReplyDelete
    91. This comment has been removed by the author.

      ReplyDelete
    92. @Anonymous

      Here you go: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pLM-5Eu5zm_SyyyWT8Gk3Oan-2QUYK_1emUusl1DCUo/edit?hl=en_US

      ReplyDelete
    93. @Anonymous

      Thanks so much. I really thought Mac died protecting Luna. Ah... wait. The Zebras mistook one princess for the other. Thank you! Fixing the others. Thanks so much for pointing them out. I have Ch3 done... I hope folks don't hate Blackjack afterwards.

      ReplyDelete
    94. @Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony

      The Fallout setting is (in my understanding) all about the dissonance of peppy 1940's iconography and the Wastes. Fallout: Equestria replaces the Forties stuff with cannon MLP.

      ReplyDelete
    95. @theBSDude
      Thanks. Your opening looks interesting and well written. One question, though: when they opened the door and got attacked, why didn't they just close the door?

      ReplyDelete
    96. Dave Mustang, the cynical BronyJuly 12, 2011 at 10:10 PM

      @theBSDude
      It's actually a mix of 40's and 50's Americana. But it also incoporates the classic Sci-Fi and such, not to mention the backstory is incredibly important.

      ReplyDelete
    97. @Anonymous

      Why thank you.

      To answer your question, they didn't close the door because they had the attackers severely out-gunned. The Vault-dweller losses were minimal thought the whole campaign. It took them about a week and a half to conquer the tunnels.

      @Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony

      I don't know what to tell you. Have you read the original?

      ReplyDelete
    98. @Somber:
      While Kree's unavailable, I might be able to copyedit your work a bit, if you want; I'm the anon who posted some corrections in an earlier comment here, and, while I'm not perfect, I do like to think that I'm not wholly without proficiency regarding both the mechanics of the English language and the lore of FoE. I'm not sure how we might get in contact for this, but if you think that I might be of service to you, well, let me know, and we'll probably be able to figure something out.

      ReplyDelete
    99. @Seattle_Lite
      Thank you very much! Cold North is a bit of an experiment - I've never written in first-person progressive with third-person limited interludes, and I'm glad it's turning out well.

      @theBSDude
      Thanks! The intro sat there becuase after Sky and Featherfall realized the horse was blind, I got a bit stuck. I was trying to figure out a way for them to get out of it without it being overdone - I only ended the chapter before they escaped for pacing reasons. I'm not sure if by "influence mechanic" you mean the loyalty score, but I intend to use it as a numerical representation of how loyal an ally is the to main character - much like Bioware did/does with KOTOR, KOTOR2, Mass Effect/2, DA:O, etc.

      @Anonymous
      Thanks a bunch, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

      @Anonymous
      I view the Pegasus Enclave as very Nazi-like - if you associate with a non-pegasi, you are unclean and must be purified, etc. But, pony genetics being what they are, how do you deal with pegasi who have non-pegasi children? Killing them would create a sort of Moses parallel, not to mention be very difficult - Hitler spent quite a lot of money killing the Jews. So I chose exile, because it's the easiest thing for the Enclave to do, and I wouldn't have much a story without it.

      As for the horse, I'm part of the Twitter RP group, and my excuse for Big M (my character) being so big is that he has warhorse ancestors. Ponies and horses are both part of the equine family, but they are genetically different. So yes, Wall is a full-blood warhorse who has been heavily mutated, while Sky and Featherfall are MLP ponies.

      Aaaaas for the 10% penalty, the Enclave actually does work with the Fallen to some extent, but it's extremely distasteful to them, yadda yadda yadda. Point is, the Enclave won't necessarily kill them on sight, as my caracters don't have automatic knowledge of your reputation, but they'll definitely be more suspicious of Sky (and any other Fallen in the party).

      And now I have a few tidbits: First, I am going to be keeping Sky's gender ambiguous. I want the reader to be able to feel like s/he IS Sky, and the best way to keep immersion is to keep Sky's gender firmly unknown.

      Second, I'm starting a new job, so I'm may not have as much time as I'd like to write. That means that Part 2 may take a while to be posted, but I promise I will work on it as much as I can.

      ReplyDelete
    100. @Anonymous

      Send an e-mail to David13ushey@gmail.com and I'll send you the google docs link with editing open.

      ReplyDelete
    101. @dragonshardz

      That's exactly what I meant. I thought of KotOR 2 when I first read it. I mostly just wanted to make sure you were being original before I complimented you on including it.

      I liked it. I think I'll do something similar in Loshadinyĭstan for faction reputations.

      ReplyDelete
    102. @Nova25

      The 34 thing was completely by accident I didn't realise untill after I posted it so I decided to just run with it

      the disturbing bit is completely deliberate and it was vaporised by super heated steam

      no it's not a suicide cutie mark but I can see how you could get that impression

      The story takes place on a separate continent so yes it is completely separate (I thought this best because it will be really difficult to contradict anything in F:EQ)

      that should have been 1000 years herp de derp

      I went for a fallout 1 and 3 mix because I wanted the story to be more unique and not a direct copy of either game

      also I didn't really want to put too much of a time constraint on the story, so I think I could ad the plot device of the current water chip failing within 20 years

      and yes my intention was to keep the reader wondering about her cutie mark.

      Thanks for all the feedback

      ReplyDelete
    103. @theBSDude

      The first part I tried to combine the plots from fallout 1 and fallout 3 into one plot to try and make it slightly more unique

      About the pacing thing, I do have a tendency to do that, I get that comment a lot when I write and I tried to fix it with the second.

      Thanks for the feedback

      ReplyDelete
    104. @dragonshardz

      Remember that second point? Yeah, the job turned out to basically be a scam and I got out of there fast.

      ReplyDelete
    105. @Luna Epona

      the second fallout Ardenalia is the second part

      ReplyDelete
    106. Still dont care about what peeps say about hard wing because i just wanted to get it on here hehehe
      D4SHTH3R4INB0W

      ReplyDelete
    107. Why do I see this story twice in the page ? :
      Author: Daniel Scott
      > ...
      >Fallout Ardenalia

      I think 1 is the Intro and the other Part 1, but they are in 2 different ''blocks'', instead in being in the same.

      ReplyDelete
    108. Cold North 1 :

      >The...distraction of thinking about Featherfall percolates in my head, sending certain signals to my lower body, which responds accordingly. Thankfully, she doesn’t notice,
      -Huh... *Awkward*, if it's what I think it 'may' be. ;)

      >New Perk: Androgynous
      -Well, I'm curious of how this will be played now ?

      ... 25 points of loyalty only ? Didn't they sleep together ? Should be, at least 50/100. Like, their relation can go good or bad, from this point ...

      ... Also, that ''Wall'' pony seems interesting. Mmh ? Thinking of Dog/God from that New Vegas expansion.
      And, I must say that the old Military Base of the Fallen makes me think of the Boomers' airbase (from New Vegas) ...

      It's promising.

      -----

      Loshadinyĭstan :

      >Anyway, so about ten years ago, balefire shat up the metro.
      -Wait, wait... wait ?
      Is this story REALLY going to happen ONLY 10years after the nuclear-like apocalypse ?!

      Even the very first Fallout happens 80-90years after the bombs.

      10 years is REALLY early, even if we consider the ''vague'' mention, somewhere in the Fallout History, of some vaults opening *20 years* after the first bombs... and even then civilisation was barely restarting.

      Time should be adjusted, me think.

      -----

      Ardenalia part1 :

      (Intro : the ''disturbing'' part was relative to ''her'' from her perception. You know, the fact of getting your Cutie Mark after 'that' and all.)

      >50% more damage to raiders when Tobias is dominant and 50% less when Abigail is dominant
      -Really simillar to Dog/God, from New Vegas, no ?
      ... except that him, at least, he doesn't go on/off/on/off/on/off 50times in 1min. ...

      Rather interesting, I would say.

      -----

      Hard Wing :

      ... Happening -directly- inside the same region as Fallout:Equestria ? Some conflicts between new&old facts might occur ? I can foresee plenty of ''DJ P0N-3's radio'' quotes ...

      >The password was G1GGl3 GH05TI3.
      -I guess she changed the password, since last time ?

      Not bad.

      -----

      Project Horizon Part 1 :

      >So sayeth the Overmare
      -Had to look for the word ;) (archaic for : 'say')

      >Most of the times a stud had to be removed they quietly volunteered themselves. A quick poke with a needle and they were gone.
      -Wait ?
      This stable forces auto-regulation of its population by killing those going over... whatever the limit(s) are supposed to be ? (age, sex, type, etc ?).
      One more weird stable to the count, I suppose.

      >“We are ready. Bring data file EC-1101. You’re doing the right thing, Overmare. You’re about to be wealthy beyond imagining.” The message looped over and over again.
      -Not sure which, but it reminds me of one of the vaults in Fallout 3.

      >>They hadn’t killed the Overmare yet. Instead it looked like a half dozen bucks were systematically raping her
      -Karma or something ?

      Pretty interesting so far.

      ReplyDelete
    109. @Nova25

      RE: Loshadinyĭstan.
      The Stable actually opened 6 weeks after the bombs. The main character grew up in an open Stable. It's not really based on Fallout very much. That's probably blasphemy.... A lot of stuff comes from Metro 2033 and an original fiction of mine.

      The important part is the characters. Says so in the description. Pastel Ponies --> Raiders.

      ReplyDelete
    110. @Nova25

      Hee. Vault 99 has 20 male ponies and 20 male unicorns over the age of 15. When they turn 15 they become P-1 and U-1 respectively. When another comes of age, their number increases. When they hit P-21 they are removed form circulation. Also, all positions are inhereted rather than assigned according to merit. So, like in monarchies, when you have a good overmare then it's food. When you have a young foolish overmare... well... you get raiders...

      Speaking of which, I should change that. I don't think Raiders are capable of doing anything systematically.

      Also, every mare is allowed to have just one female off spring and afterwards are sterilized. The goal is to have a stable as 'stable' as possible. It's actually really ugly compared to Stable 2. Their food is basically recycled ponies.

      Yeah, they try not to think about it either.

      ReplyDelete
    111. @theBSDude

      No, the males aren't slaves. They're more regarded as... hmm... 'reproductive apparati.' They don't even get names or cutiemarks. In fact Stable 99 is almost more like an ant hill than a stable.

      I have to wonder what LilPip would do if she ran into them. What they're doing is wrong (as P-21 knows well.) but they're not doing it out of malice.

      ReplyDelete
    112. @theBSDude
      6 weeks after the bombs (what about the 10 years thing) ? You mean in 'your' story, right ?

      Also... there's that whole thing about ''waiting'' for the 'radiation' to go from *dieing horribly in 3min* to *You can walk outside for a while*, hence the need for 15-20 Years of wait.

      -----

      @Somber
      If Mares are sterilized after having a female... It must conflict with having 'new' male ponies ? (it's not like they could predict if it's going to be a female/male, that much in advance)

      Also... what was that again... Soylen Green or something ? (it's an old movie, I think ?)

      -----

      Project Horizon Part 2 :

      >“Who… I guess you can just call me Watcher.
      -The same from Fallout:Equestria ?
      Well... as long as there's not too many conflicts between old&new facts, I suppose.

      >How the heck would my PipBuck know the value of a bug it’d never seen before?
      -Yeah, when we think about it, those things are pretty strange. ;)

      >he died a hero saving Princess Celestia.
      >Big Macintosh wasn’t a hero for saving Luna
      -Little error in the second sentence, no ?

      >as P-21 laid old Hoss next to Granny. Then I noticed something in Granny’s hooves.
      -Wait... It's said that Granny Smith was buried behind The Farm (Apple Acres, surely)... So that means that they (and thus the Stable 99) are pretty near Ponyville, right ?
      (I'm trying to remember, if there was a mention of a 'Stable 99' in Khat's story)

      ... With the raiders in Ponyville, I can't help, but wonder about ''time''. You know... if things happened(will happen) before or after Little-Pip, and etc ?
      But, 'Watcher' mentioned Little-Pip earlier, so that must mean that all this is happening a bit after her ? Like, walking in her traces, always just a few steps behind, and other expressions ...

      >“P-21,” he chimed in.
      -I thought it was just their ''code'' name, but it's also their normal-name ?
      I wonder, if he will get one later.

      ReplyDelete
    113. @Nova25
      The farm isn't SAA; it would appear that Granny Smith moved at some point.

      ReplyDelete
    114. @Nova25

      Radiation:
      The bomb detonated above the city. All of Loshadinyĭstan takes place underground. The surface, surface access tunnels, and all tunnels directly beneath the detonation site are extremely radioactive. Everyone but ghouls have to avoid them, even with rad gear.

      Time Frame:
      The first bomb falls -> the Stable closes -> no more bombs fall -> the Stable opens after 6 weeks -> the Stable conquers part of the metro -> the Open Stable develops a functional community -> the story starts approximately ten years later.

      The main character of Loshadinyĭstan was 5 1/2 years old when the bombs fell. She's 16 now.

      ReplyDelete
    115. @Nova25
      Since they have such a limited number of males, taking them out of circulation as they do, it's not a big deal. Well... unless you're a male.

      Yup. Spike is looking for elements of Harmony still. He was impressed by Blackjack and P-21 helping each other, so he threw them a bone the same as he did for LilPip. Don't worry. My story is staying away from the FoE settings.

      Hee... P-21 has a theory about that in ch 4.

      Fixed that error. Thank you!

      Horizons takes place around Hoofington, which I'm thinking is to the east of Ponyville and Canterlot, south east of Manehattan, and way north east of Fillydelphia. Granny moved to the farm with Hoss when stable 2 was built (and by that time she was a real old mare indeed). And no, there's no 99. 2, 24, 101, and 39 I believe. So I just snagged 99. :3

      Oh, raiders aren't ONLY in Ponyville. Basically any pony psychotic enough to kill and prey on fellow ponies is a raider. In FO there are raiders all over the place. Ponyville was just a big nest of them... or was, thanks to LilPip.

      I'm writing this with chapter 1 in my story happening about the same time as chapter 5 in the main story. Wish me luck on keeping them concurrent.

      Not sure if you'd count it as a name. But it's P-21's identity.

      ReplyDelete
    116. @theBSDude
      So... the whole story will happen only in a couple (not sure how many metro-like tunels there can be) of tunels deep underground, is that it ?
      (since the surface and all surface accesses are highly ''radioactive''.)

      (...yes, I know... comment a lot. What can I do ? I just wonder a lot, like an old scientist, I suppose.)

      ReplyDelete
    117. @Nova25

      I don't mind.

      You seem to have it. The tunnels are pretty complicated though (even in real life, but I don't plan to work off any map).

      ReplyDelete
    118. Preemptive Story Clarification for Loshadinyĭstan: Hoofsong is *not* a lesbian, not exclusively, anyway. In the context to this story, Cherchez La Fillasse doesn’t simply mean “lesbian,” it means the character is especially good at fighting women and manipulating their affections. Black Widow (or whatever I decide to call it ponified) would mean the same for men. Hoofsong, despite being attracted to (select) men (er, stallions), is not especially skilled at fighting or manipulating them.

      ReplyDelete
    119. Quite hating this overlook on Raiders, I'll probably write a story about a raider to show them from other lights.

      ReplyDelete
    120. @SilverSpear
      A story that portrays raiders sympathetically? If you can pull it off, that could be quite interesting.

      ReplyDelete
    121. I'd Just like to give a big thanks to those ponies in bronies Perth that helped me hoofread. Your help is greatly appreciated

      ReplyDelete
    122. Forgotten Light:
      This definitely has potential. It is a little jarring though to reference game mechanics directly, such as "47 caps" or "4/6 parts", a novel is supposed to be a novel, even when it talks about a game. So, it's better to keep on the generic side for those, or to paraphrase sometimes.
      A thing that has fazed me out is, a undefended merchant, passing by a raider outpost? Or just any building in general (since those are ripe with raiders more often than not)? He's just begging to be robbed, at the very least, isn't he?
      The pacing seems alright, I could use more vivid descriptions though, especially spreading them out in the paragraphs, little things here and there are a great way to set up a good environment. Plus I mean, not one description of the devastated hellhole that is, well, everything outside the building?
      All things considered, this is pretty good, keep it up ^^

      Last but not least, the link to ch4 leads to ch3 again :p you may want to paste the true link in the comments for now.

      Cold North:
      This one also feels interesting. The concept is convincing enough, and the story flows well for the chapter being. I'll keep an eye on this one too for future updates. :)

      ReplyDelete
    123. @Nova25
      Not bad eh?
      good, well tbh i still don't care what anyone thinks i just wanted it on. XD
      thatnks for making me feel good.

      ReplyDelete
    124. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay I'm not caring about my story anymore =D
      fuck it I cba writing plus I'm not on the computer as much as before.

      ReplyDelete
    125. @Tosxychor

      I believe the mechanics referance may have been nessary in the case of the caps. How else are you going to talk about how much money you have or something costs in the fallout Equestria world.

      Now in the case of the parts, referencing how many parts were needed in this fashion is just the author's way of saying that he had 4 out of the 6 parts that he figured out he needed.

      Also, while I'm not the author, I do have the link to chapter 4. (I'm his prereader)
      Chapter 4 of Forgotten Wasteland:
      https://docs.google.com/document/d/14l8f3UzUGyt6VKif8g0bFo7QYbfgXjJ9JmnTrGERGi0/edit

      ReplyDelete
    126. @Tosxychor

      if you remember the merchant was a raider before. while he didn't reveal howe much influence he had over other raiders his traveling alone to the base should be a good clue.

      ReplyDelete
    127. @Dave Mustang, the cynical Brony
      Go read the original story, then come back and tell me if you still think this.

      ReplyDelete
    128. The new story looks great can't wait for more

      ReplyDelete
    129. Horseapples.
      Kkat was the first one to play the card of a game based fanfic right.
      You are all just parasites, draining blood from the genuine story.
      And most of the works just worth nothing. Sorry for overcriticism, but.. well no one will listen for me anyway, right?

      ReplyDelete
    130. @Anonymous
      >well no one will listen for me anyway, right?

      We wish we didn't have to. Whatever happened to loving the @#$% out of each other?

      ReplyDelete
    131. >overcriticism
      I see none, just whining.

      ReplyDelete
    132. @Anonymous

      If you have feedback for specific stories, we'd love to hear them. Yes, it's a bit silly to fanfics of a fanfic, but it's also fun. I'm very curious what some people think of Project Horizon. I work hard to make it a quality fic, true to both Khat, MLP, and Fallout. Not an easy task.

      Saying that you think what we're doing is silly, wrong, or futile doesn't help any of us actually write better. So if you have something specific to say, please. I am all ears.

      ReplyDelete
    133. Here is a idea, Fist of the north star and Fallout Equestria crossover! make it happen!

      ReplyDelete
    134. @Somber

      I'm still loving Project Horizon. I don't hate Blackjack, the same thing could've happened to anypony. Damn low-health NPC followers....

      I really like the Enclave stuff, too.

      ReplyDelete
    135. @theBSDude

      Thanks. The sad fact is though that if Blackjack hadn't been an idiot, then she'd have been fine. But the fact is that Blackjack is an idiot. She's immature and irresponsible and until now hasn't seen the real consequences of that. She always thought the worse that could happen were bad things happening to her. Now she's realizing that bad stuff can happen because of her to others.

      I almost broke character. I almost had her listen and not screw up because I didn't want to write what happens to her friend. But I had to be true to the character, and it's basically her motivation for becoming Security. I'm so glad that it worked out for the best. Thank you for the comments. They're what keep me writing. n.n

      ReplyDelete
    136. Fallout Equestria is now a game.
      I don't care if it hasn't been released as a modulation yet. Books can be games too, as the ponies from before the Urban Celestian Era could have attested to.

      ReplyDelete
    137. Kiss Equestria Goodbye really hooked me up, can't wait for the next chapter.

      ReplyDelete
    138. So 13 more fallout stories to follow?
      At first I was like DO WANT
      But now I'm not sure... Okay I'll still have a look at some.

      ReplyDelete
    139. @ AwesomeLuna

      You're in luck

      I'm writing a New Vages verson, however it isn't taking place in FO:E's universe however.

      with luck I should be posting the frist two chapers this week or at least post the character disigns on ponibooru

      ReplyDelete
    140. Sigh.. I wish more ponies commented. Tell me good stuff... bad stuff... any stuff... ::Dies from feedback withdrawal.::

      ReplyDelete
    141. @Somber
      Do like Kkat and write long message about how you want some feedback from your readers.

      ReplyDelete
    142. This comment has been removed by the author.

      ReplyDelete
    143. @ Kiss Equestria Goodbye - Damnfool Brony

      A great read, love how it uses the events and areas of the main KKat story without ever tresspassing on it's territory. A great balance.

      Also enjoying the intelligent, if somewhat distractable personality. I highly anticipate more if this keeps up.

      I had been planning my own "Slave is inspired by LittlePip's events in Fillydephia to attempt an escape" story as well actually, looking at the sense of hopelessness the place can create. I promise you, it's different enough, just when I saw yours it was a little surprise to see someone else with the same lines of concepts. XD

      Awesome work, really. I do want to see more.

      ReplyDelete
    144. Latverian_Ponyfan_2993July 28, 2011 at 7:19 PM

      @Somber
      Project horizons has a very dark, dark, experiment, in keeping with the vault systems. The 'set the hero on the hero's journey' device was well done. And it keeps (or has kept) the general feeling of low-level Fallout play (hoarding your one good gun, desperate for resources), which is a very good thing. All in all, I do look forward to updates to it.

      As long as you have some kind of 'end goal' in mind (which you probably do, due to the file) it should turn out well.

      ReplyDelete
    145. Kiss Equestria Goodbye seems good. You left out a few commas and, for reasons I can't fathom, shoved some hyphens in where no hyphens ought to be, but the plot and character are engaging.

      ReplyDelete
    146. So far of all of them Horizons seems the most Kkat like in flavor. Nice work Somber.

      ReplyDelete
    147. Thank you every pony. I was talking with Khat earlier about the 'Feedback vacuum'. That is where you read a fic and simply move on. Or give a line or two of praise and move on. It kills me because I can easily spend sixteen hours writing one fic. Hinds works 2-5 hours helping me proofread. So when I post and have to beg for feedback it leave me feeling like I'm gasping for air. While having folks like my story is important, knowing my story matters is more important. But above all, knowing folks care enough to help me make the story better is most precious of all. Tell me if something sucks. Point it out in pain staking detail. Because I will know you care enough to do so and I will care enough to improve my story so you don't have to again. If you like something, be specific. Because it not only helps me write a better story, but it keeps me able to keep writing it.

      ReplyDelete
    148. @Somber
      On second though, yeah, I guess it is ungrateful to the creator to not even leave two or more lines of feedback. Though, as I said, I’m quite bad at critique, yet…
      First of all, I saw the Stable concept quite fun and full of potential, but it kept me wondering why CMC and Stable-Tec would approve of such experiment. Looking back, Stable-Tech isn’t Vault-Tec. While “Vault’s” Vaults weren’t meant to save anybody and were used only for social and psychical experiments, they didn’t care if someone would die; CMC’s stables were meant to save and find the best system and ways to rehabilitate Equestria afterwards, I just can’t see CMCs thinking “Yeah, future Equestria will have half of the ponyhood kept in locked rooms and used only for a reproduction purposes, then they will be executed.”And yes, I remember the Vault with the Overcolt but that was only on social level, no one was used as a… tool and meant to be killed (put to rest).
      My second, if you can call it that, problem is that raiders are portrayed as bullet meat. Even as crazy maniacs who aren’t afraid of death. But I guess that’s only me. I mean, yeah, they ARE horrible. They rape mares, kill young fillies and make a welcome signs out of gore, yet, they want to survive, they want to live, and they have thoughts and feelings. Though, everyone does that, even Fallout 3 used no freaking logic. In New Vegas they tried to redeem themselves and yet, raiders were crazy drug abusers there. Yeah, I guess I think too much. It’s a story about good guys, overall.
      I like the characters, especially P-21. Glory was a bit off for me, since she was a Pegasus and all, but after reading further, I though they way you brought her into the story was logical and great. Her character also proved to be fun and cute.
      Oh, also, Bootlecap is such a troll. Put a price and then give the party a way to earn the needed sum!
      Overall, you do a great job adding things from Fallout universe and games that Kkat didn’t and the story keeps a very fluent flow. Please continue writing.

      ReplyDelete
    149. @Somber

      Heh, don't we all know that feeling? I'm usually just happy that anyone actually reads anything I write.

      Just a small point in your story Somber, the Enclave seem to not want to have any contact with 'down below' at all, going so far as to brand everyone who went below the cloud cover as a Dashite (save for the scouting missions).

      It just makes me doubt that they would even consider anything like a volunteer group, let alone provide them with any equipment at all. Just seemed a bit off to me, otherwise I'm thoroughly enjoying reading your story.
      --
      On a different note, I would like ask of anyone who has read Lonely Roads to help me decide something.

      I'm contemplating just ripping it up and starting again from a first person perspective, since that seems to be the 'best' way to do these stories (also it seems to how everyone else is doing it, bar one or two), it also keeps distracting me from doing any actual writing, so there's that too. Any help would be nice!

      ReplyDelete
    150. @Silver Spear

      Thank you! Stable 99's project wasn't 'keep bucks in line' but stability. Every pony had their role. That role was determined at birth. You didn't even get to take a COLT or get a choice. The Overmare's authority was absolute because she was the Overmare. How could she be replaced? The breeding system was in place to keep population stable. All of the systems in 99 were made to not accommodate population growth. Remember the "incident" that Blackjack mentioned? Lets just say that prior to that, Bucks had lots more 'rights'.

      Second concern. Raiders are bullet meat. I like to believe that years of radiation exposure and disease has basically turned them all psychotic. They're not social. They're one step above animals; lairing, hunting, and preying. They have thoughts, but those thoughts are predation and aggression. Their feelings are burned out leaving only agression, glee, and hate.

      Ponies who can think and feel like you describe aren't raiders. They're horrified by what raiders do. They might be bandits, slavers, or murderers, but they skill have that spark of equinity that allows them to be ponies. If it helps, think of FO:NV. The vipers are raiders, attacking on sight. The Khans are not, though they can and will brutalize you.

      I'm glad you like Glory. She'll have a much larger role in dealing with the Enclave soon.

      @Erthilo: Thunderhead, the Enclave base over Hoofington, knows something that has prompted them to act to take control of the surface. They're facing problems with growing civilian resistance... so what better way to snip that off than to let bands of the 'volunteer corps' go down and get ripped to pieces? The survivors come back with horror stories. The families of ponies who died are shamed into allowing their idealistic youth to be butchered. All works quite well, doesn't it? At least so long as you don't have a volunteer who survives...

      About lonely roads. The infamous third person verses first person debate. The advantages of third person is there's a step removed between the reader and the character via the narrator. It tones things down a notch. It can still be intense and powerful, but you'll always have that little half step away.

      First person is much more immediate. You don't have that seperation. What the character knows, we know. What the character doesn't know, we don't. This can go very very well or very very badly. The key is the character. If we're not hooked into the character right away there is zero incentive to keep going. If you read chapter one, and the intro, Khat lays about 6 reasons why we should care about LilPip. So if you are going to go first person then you should really be sure you know the character and be able to tell anyone who asks why they should care about them.

      ReplyDelete
    151. @Somber
      I can't disagree more than that, sadly. They are ponies. Outlaws, murderers and unmoral bastards, yet ponies. I believe, they have their own ways of fun, they can relax and have a pleasant time with each other talking. The topics will be probably about their kills, how stupid was the colt who walked right towards them and etc. but still. It's just a commune trying to survive. Unsocial ponies couldn't form a group and hold it strong and steady, and recruit new members. I'm very, very sure raiders don't waste their time raising kids.
      But yes, the ponies I described are raiders. Slavers is just another name with a little different function, and wasteland has lots of different raider bands.

      Oh, and Khans are raiders. Mojave "Great Khans" too.

      Sorry of I had some grammar errors. Thanks for answering.

      ReplyDelete
    152. @Silver Spear

      We'll have to agree to disagree. My raiders are not a community. They are surviving, and in surviving they had lost all their equnity. They would, and do, kill each other for slights, amusement, or food if they're hungry enough. And my raiders aren't a cohesive group. They combine when times are good or and break apart whenever they can. Survival is the name of the game.

      I would describe the Great Khans as tribals, rather than raiders. They are organized, have sense of community, and communal bonds. They might (and do) kill for protection or agression, but they aren't forced to do so. So sorry, my raiders are different. I know it may seem like semantics but that's how I view raiders: psychopathic pony eaters of the wasteland. Tribals are more than Raiders.

      Oddly, I'm now looking forward to how you regard the Reapers when Blackjack meets them. Deus is only one example.

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    153. @Somber
      You could describe Khans as tribal, but they are raiders and official info proves that. Seems like different groups can act differently and not all raiders are crazy fucks. Oddly, this proves that groups of raiders like I said and like you portrait can co-exist in the same land? I guess... That would be the solution.

      And yes, I’m really interested in those “Reapers”.

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    154. Like I said. It's mostly sematics. To me raiders have gone off the deep end. Tribals haven't. Both can be violent, but the tribals have some virtue remaining. I would describe your raiders as tribals. I'm sure more sophisticated ponies would regard both as raiders.

      What's funny is right now Blackjack is thinking of herself as a raider.

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    155. Sorry guys I sent in the wrong link, my bad

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    156. @ Somber

      I'm a great fan of seeing authors try to encourage feedback and criticism honestly. As such I'm glad to see that here.

      Hence, come tomorrow, I'm gonna check out your stories and get you some feedback as you request. Feels like the best I can do from one reader/writer to another.

      ReplyDelete
    157. @Anonymous

      Thanks so much. I've gotten chapter 6 done and I'm steaming my way through chapter 7. Need feedback... moar feedback. Hurt me if ya gotta but I gotta know!

      ReplyDelete
    158. @Somber

      Project Horizon is probably my favorite sidestory (though I haven't made time to read some if the newer stories). Blackjack is interesting and remains consistent while maturing, and I've talked up other elements before. The thing is, and this is a subjective thing, I'm getting bored with P-21. The problem, as I see it, is that by cutting him off from Blackjack (which makes perfect sense in the story), you've cut him off from the audience. The rest of the story is holding my interest (and well), but P-21's enforced flatness is a potential weakness of the narrative. I'm not saying "cut it," that'd be stupid. I'm saying "Be aware of it."

      ReplyDelete
    159. @Somber

      Hey Somber, this is the anon from before. As promised, I dug into New Horizons. In particular finishing Chapter 1. I'll maybe do Chapter 2 later. Depends, my day has a ton of planning.

      First things first, every Fallout story starting in a Vault/Stable has to nail a unique reason for why they go out of it. Some feel they can get repetitive. Personally I quite enjoy the sense of it being the "eternal story retold" in differing ways on how X or Y left their Stable to deal with a harsh wasteland.

      In this case, it's certainly not one I've seen before. The idea of the Overmare betraying the Stable is pretty cool, although I feel perhaps you glanced over her eventual fate a tad too readily. I don't mean you needed more detail on what happened to her (given how brutal it was) but more in a sense of how this was her grand idea turned amiss. Not a crucial point, the story speaks well for it, but just something I noted and given your previous comments, I feel you'de rather I just up and said it than hold it back. :p

      Blackjack's an interesting character. Obviously, security backing has allowed her to hold a much more "practical, gallows humour" mentality to encountering all this. It's refreshing really. I will admit, I genuinelly grinned like a madman at "Oh look, Billy has a new favourite word." Leading into future chapters, I'm intrigued to see how this harder mindset will be affected by what the wasteland shall offer her.

      Action was good and brutal, as befits a cramped underground skirmish. The weapon jamming was handy, a little Chenkov's gun, although perhaps you referenced the rustiness a tad too much. Maybe just the first reference to put it in our heads then not remention that under it actually jammed. Again, tiny point, just a personal thought. Not really a criticism.

      Given I'll be moving on swiftly to the rest of the chapters that are already written, I shan't delve too much into some more "general" tones until I've seen whats going on up till the most recent chapter. However I will say you've got a great start to it that takes a longer period in the Vault without ever feeling like it lingers. The characters are good and exhibit some potential flaws and quirks (always a good sign). Your writing is for the most part clear and concise with some killer little "offhand" quips. I only spotted one typo (and forgot where it was, sorry!) and finally, it's grabbed my interest. You've got a plot hook with the file.

      I'm intrigued to see where this goes. But you've got yourself a reader. :)

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    160. New Horizons Chapter 2 now finished.

      As I suspected, you have started to hit a stride once outside the Stable. Very good chapter that, while it doesn't take many risks and plays out in a standardised way, provides a simple and naturally flowing story. Watcher being present was a surprise, I wasn't sure who would touch any character directly that was linked to KKat's side of the story. But I can see you're being careful. That _is_ what Watcher said he'd do most of the time after all. As such, it's great to see his appearance and actually helps support his presence in the main story that he is finding others to try and help push into doing good as well.

      P-21's resistance to kill or use a firearm interests me greatly really. I am intrigued to see more. Character hooks are a great powerful tool. I always like to see more. One of KKat's strengths is how massively far down the rabbit whole each characters psychology goes, after all. It's a great thing to learn from. This shows some awesome promise of it.

      One little thing? "Super Effective"...eeeh...Pony references you can get away with but a Pokemon "meme" felt a little out of place, I'm afraid.

      Will perhaps read Chapter 3 later tonight or tomorrow night after work. Excellent work. I am enjoying. I also sense my "critique" will become less and less as this improves, which it feels like it's doing.

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    161. Awesome responses. Thanks so much. @ BS dude: P-21 is going to need a little more stewing, but hopefully he'll be a lot more engaged by 6. She's wearing him down. Though other things are wearing him down.

      Anon ch1: Yay! I love specific points. I definitely wanted it to be more than just "Part X broke." or "Person Y left". Essentially Blackjack had to go to save her stable and left with a monster on her hooves. Now she's got the MacGuffin the monster wants. So the thread is being set up differently from Fo:E where LilPip wanders for the first 20 chapters or so. (don't get me wrong, I love seeing where she goes.)

      Something I hoped I made clear was the overmare was also young. The entire security of the stable was in the hooves of a 14 year old spoilt brat. Old Overmare died and she took over.

      I'm glad the action works for you. I play it in my head and then try to write it. Sadly Blackjack goes through a lot of weapons at the moment since many are poor quality.

      Sorry for the pokemon reference. I thought it was cute but I guess it doesn't fit all that well.

      I'm very curious at how you'll feel about BJ's high and lows. I want to emphasize the beating the wasteland puts on her psychology but I want to avoid wangst and narm.

      Chapter 6 is done. Chapter 7 is done too. The feedback is great motivation. I hope it keeps up. n.n

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    162. I haven't read any of the new fics that have been posted and will be giving as cruel feedback as possible :P especially you @Somber

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    163. Forgotten Light Part 4 :

      >“I RECOGNISE YOU NOW! You’re that Equestrian Skyguard guy who always gave me a big tip when I worked in the diner near here
      -Well, she sure has one hell of a memory... after 200-or-so Years ?
      ... Also, once again with that ''Instant Overly Familliar'' atitude, the heroes and anypony seem to have. In town since less than 1min, random 200Years old waitress pops up, barely '5 words' and 30sec exchanged, and BAM!, onto a quest of death to liberate a whole town from an Heavily militarized group of the old era ? ...
      (It just seems a bit too ''Insta-magic'' (aka : snap your fingers and it happens).)

      >not to mention the only stealth weapon I had was not currently usable
      -I'm ''kinda'' sure that a Lightning Katana doesn't qualify as a ''stealth weapon'' ;)
      (that is unless you are in New Vegas... ohhh, the hours of fun sneaking 'silently' on people with a GIANT sledgehammer ;) )

      >Was she another late gainer like Cludy Melody?
      -Cloudy ?

      >Apparently there are ponies of all kinds in the Dashite Unity.”
      -Well, that's a good and logical thing, yes. When under the clouds, any pony can be useful.

      >“Shame, well if you prove yourselves to the Dashite Unity then we may contact you in future.
      -The heck ?
      HE just almost single-handedly liberated the whole freaking town ?
      HE dealt with the Comm.Tent and HE reprogrammated it FOR the Unity ?
      HE disabled the here Enclave commander and HE took back the piece of the Dashite Armor ?

      The last 2 lines have clear witnesses, plus the fact that the armor is RIGHT in front of the Unity commander, and that HE just told HIM the password of the terminal (meaning that he's the one that did the reprogramming) !
      This scream 'hyper-convinience'.
      ...THE RAINBOW DASH SWORD !...

      >“The goddesses? Who are they?”
      -He comes from 200 Years ago, when Celestia and Luna were still there... He -should- remember them or, at least, have them as his first thought, when abording that subject...

      -----

      Ardenalia Part(s) :

      ... Hummm, what's up with the *Part 4* (4 ? Where's 3 ?), and the order/combination of the previous Parts ?
      It seems that the *old Intro* and *old Part 1* were combined to make *Part 1*, and there's a *Part 2* that (I suppose) might have been *Part 3* before the 'quite confusing' combining and renaming of the Parts ? ...

      ReplyDelete
    164. This is that anon who did feedback above on chapters 1 and 2, now actually using an account.

      I'll gladly follow up Chapter on Chapter as I read. Nice to know what I've said helps you too. I make no claims to be a particularly "brilliant" reviewer. I just like to read and like to write and call it as I experience it, really.

      Feedback will continue with Chapter 3 pretty soon. Perhaps in a couple minutes if I finish a couple things off.

      ReplyDelete
    165. Loshadinyistan Prologue :

      *Small note*

      Filly : is for girl, little girl. A girl of young age or appearance. It's a neutral term.

      Fillasse : isn't really a proper traduction for filly... as it's a somewhat old and also quite pejorative term for 'girl'...

      '' Fillette '' would be a MUCH more proper term.
      (Quebec French is my first language, just to say.)


      Loshadinyistan Part 1 :

      >Grace was getting frustrated. "Kiritsu!" >"Hai." My body and subconscious obeyed their training, rising to the Japoniese command
      -...wait... huh... what ? We're going for Japan-ified ponies now ? ...Well, I'm sure my confusion will clear up soon. Probably.

      >the stylized thorns of my zebroid cutie mark
      -She's an hybrid of zebra and pony ? I think it's the first time it's meantioned ab out her, right ?
      ...Also, ''zebroid'' is a term I heard, at least once before, but I'm sure where... I think it was a picture on DA; The first picture of an hybrid of zebra and pony ever made, I'm quite sure... I searched quite a bit.

      -----

      @Somber
      >Oh, raiders aren't ONLY in Ponyville.
      -Well, at first I thought she was at/near Ponyville, because of ''The Farm'' and the similarities of the scene (with them rescuing slaves, right after entering the town pointed by 'Watcher')...
      Hoofington ? I suppose this is all good.

      Horizons Part 3 :

      >Zebras had attacked and attempted to exterminate all of pony kind.
      -And this, almost entirely based on 'Religious (kinda fanatical) Idealogy'... Yeah, I'm still *grumbling* at the Zebras, from when it was introduced in the F.Equestria story.

      >P-21 being so stubborn about not carrying a firearm
      -So... he's basicly gonna be the 'packmule' character for a while, right ?

      >the college ponies >They wanna fix Equestria
      -Eggheads Society ? 'Followers of the Apocalypse'-like faction, I suppose ?
      (Also... >Eggheads. Society. -there's 1 'dot' too much between them, I think)

      ... I hadn't thought of the 'Reapers' as the 'Great Khans' before reading one of the other comments. But, I guess they kinda can be them (so far, they are more like Raiders) ?

      >One ghoul pony gripped Scoodle by her haunches >The teal filly was ripped in two before my eyes.
      -Woah, woahhhh !... Where does 'that' come from all of a sudden ?
      Why her and not one of the Random-Other-Fillies, like 'Bounce' ? Seems rather uncalled for to have her killed; especially since she was basicly their ponified version of the *Wasteland Survival Guide*.

      >“Bump, bump, sugarlump, rump!” >“Oh, it is you, Diamond Tiara!
      -Wait...I get this is supposed to be 'Silver Spoon', right ?
      But wasn't she the 'Director' of that prison in the F.Equestria story ?
      This would be impossible, unless... Were they the other way around ? I was sure Silver Spoon was at the prison, but that was so many parts ago, so... maybe ?

      -----

      Sephisto should almost transfer some of those stories in separate posts, or something like that...

      Considering the BIG number of diffrent Fallout stories of this page, well... ...mmh... I can't help, if I'm making numerous big comments ?

      ReplyDelete
    166. Make them! God, make them! You have no idea how invigorating it is.

      And the schools in stable 99 weren't very specific on the details of the war. P-21 has his own firearm aversion. He wants a gun. He wants to use guns. He doesn't trust himself with guns.

      Eggheads and Society are two different groups. You meet them in ch 6.

      And they're... similar to khans I suppose. Not sure what their FO analogy would be. I've played MUCH less FO than Kkat.

      Scoodle died because Blackjack fucked up. Fucking up matters in the wasteland.

      Silver Spoon was in Manehattan when it blew. Diamond Tiara was in the prison. Silver Spoon is virtually a canterlot ghoul repeating the same steps over and over again. She was so happy to find her friend... but now she's forgotten...

      Sometimes I wonder if I should ask Seth and Kkat if it would be okay but that feels really presumptuous. Maybe when I break chapter 10 or so...

      ReplyDelete
    167. @Nova25

      Thanks for the feedback and French help. It's fixed now.

      About "filly," Song starts off meaning "female child," the realizes the possibility for confusion and back-pedals. Then she gives up and starts over.

      About "Japoniese," Song mentions in the Prolouge that she knows a Japoniese martial art. But to answer your question, the story will deal with Japanese ponies, as well as Russian, composite European, and composite American. The story is intended to be representative of out-lying, semi-autonomous regions of Equestria. More will be explained later in the story.

      About "zebroid," it's explained in the notes-- it's a real word for describing zebra-hybrids.

      ReplyDelete
    168. Horizons Part 4 :

      >Still, it was better than a poke in the eye.
      -Eh :). It remembers me of the famous ''better than a sharp stick in the eye'' expression, a Let's Player I know always use (He has a few variation of it too, depending on the game).

      >“There was nothing we could do,” she said a soft, buzzing drawl.
      -I hope she's talking from History, because it isn't mentioned if she's a ghoul, so I suppose she isn't and she read that in a book or something.

      >“The Volunteer corps enlisted with the Enclave to help with restoring contact with the surface,”
      -Since when ? From what we get from the F.Equestria stories, their ''government'' is much more inclined to ''eliminate'' those having that kind of thoughts and desire, rather than just ''giving a warning and allowing them to be'' ?

      >I wagered I was the only pony in the wastelands who could attract pacifists.
      -Well, her at least she accepts to use weapons, when threaten, right ?

      >Red, it’s dead. Yellow, be mellow.
      -What about Green ? ;) (can't think of a rhyme)

      >Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck…
      -Must be the 20th or 30th, so far... You know what they say : Too much of a good thing ''...'' ?

      >Me too. The wastelands made murderers of every pony.
      -''Murderer'' ?? ...I suppose this isn't the place for a discussion on Ethic, Survival, Self-defence, and the likes...

      >So here’s a big thank you from DJ Pon3 to the Security Mare.
      -You know... since a handful of chapters in F.Equestria, I started wondering, if all (or most of them) the ''mysterious'' mass of information she always gets, did came from ''Watcher'' ?

      -----

      Horizons Part 5 :

      >“Hey, Keystone! It’s her. Security Mare!” >They were saying it like I was Superpony.
      -And now DJ P0N-3 will 'make a song about her' ;). Maybe she will commission Velvet one of these days ? Who knows.

      >‘Hello, my name is Bottlecap, your Megamart Manager.’
      -Well, I already like her. :)

      >“Well, it was a standing contract. I am fairly sure you’ll spend it here, so I’ll recover some of it from the vendors. And if it outfits you, well, the more likely you’ll bring in profitable goods in the future,”
      -Yeah, she definitely has an interesting character :). Logical and buziness-like, good pony (in its own way) and relatively fair.
      Is she gonna be the ''DJ P0N-3'' of this story; by that I doesn't mean the 'relationship' part, but the cool and reliable pony part (source of stuff and info.) ?

      >Now I needed to work on a ‘get rich quick’ plan. “Thanks. At least I have a number to aim for,”
      -You got Mail ! Huh, I mean ''Quest''. ;) ...I guess it will become like her Mid-Game objective/goal : ''Gather 10 000 caps.''.

      >“Magical surgery’s almost as expensive as data decryption and analysis.”
      -Make you wonder how many Caps Little-Pip has (had), to have been able to pay for the ''healing'' of Velvet's legs (she had lost the front or back leg, I can't remember...).

      >I’m pretty sure if we got to the Skyport that the Enclave might be able to crack the encryption for free. I’m sure they’d be happy to in exchange for returning me.
      -Hmmmm... why do I have the feeling that this is a very bad idea, and that it's not a trade they will just gladly be interested in ? ...I wonder ? ;)

      >“I want a lab first, but after that I want an IF-88 ‘Ironpony’. Can I have one?”
      -She has some good humor (and interesting reactions) when around weapons. ;) ...just wait until she sees a BFG-9000 or a Fatman ! :D

      >Most had broken open and oozed strange rainbow colored fluid that glowed softly.
      -Sooo... that's not the same ''fluid'' from Twilight's research, right ? I really don't think hers was rainbow ?

      ReplyDelete
    169. @theBSDude
      I think you mentioned something about 'Metro 2033', maybe on DA...

      With all those ''nationalities'' of ponies, and the way the story is set and supposed (or seems) to go...

      Well, I simply wonder if this is more of a 'Metro 2033' crossover than a 'Fallout'' crossover ?
      Or, was it intended to be a : ''like'' a double-crossover ?

      -----

      First time I ever reach that odd ''4096 letters/words'' limit ?

      ReplyDelete
    170. @Nova25

      She's talking as a member of the Enclave and a guilty pegasus. Calamity has said lots of pegasus want to help the surface. They can't remain repressed forever.

      Thunderhead (the Enclave community near Hoofington) allowed the Volenteer corp to form for propoganda purposes. Let poorly armed ideals go to the surface and get ripped to pieces. Suddenly you have a lot less pegasi interested in helping the surface.

      Believe it or not 2 others talked to be about this. In FO:NV (the only FO I've played to end) the displays are red and yellow.

      That's a saying BJ and I share. It also becomes insufficient pretty soon.

      Blackjack has some ethical questions the next couple chapters. Basically ethics are the only difference between raiders and herself... and even they become insufficient.

      We'll never know. Blackjack is sure Watcher is DJ PON-3 tho.

      ch5:

      Blackjack would shoot anypony singing it. Maybe not KILL, but certainly to maim.

      Thanks. :3

      No no. DJ PON-3 is DJ PON-3. But there is an association I'm trying to build between them. Don't want to give spoilers just yet. Feel free to guess tho.

      By that point, she was probably set. Kinda like at the end of FONV I had 98,000 caps.

      Hmmm.... you think? Thunderhead is gonna be interesting. n.n But Glory is right... they would help. They would just LOVE that data.

      Blackjack is to guns what Lilpip is to filly flank...

      maaaybe it's the same junk... maybe not... :D

      Hee, thanks for the comments. on page 3 of ch 8.

      ReplyDelete
    171. About halfway through chapter 4 myself, but I'm still having nagging thoughts.

      This probably sounds a bit narcissistic but I haven't really had much feedback on Lonely Roads, feels a bit like talking to an empty room.

      Really, I'd just like to know if anyone is reading it, but uh, y'know, whatever you want to do is fine...

      ReplyDelete
    172. @Nova25

      >Double crossover?
      -Basically yes. It's weighted more towards Fallout, in the way the world works and the story goes. Metro 2033 provides the setting, some inspiration for the factions divisions, and a couple jokes. The characters and their arcs were all written by me for a different post-apocalyptic story. The main storyline is a combination of my old creation and one of ends of New Vegas.

      ReplyDelete
    173. @Erthilo

      I'm sorry. I whine and beg for feedback and then don't give it myself. Horrible.

      Part one feels... I dunno. The whole tapes things feels... I dunno. It's not working well for me. I think that it might work with more story in the middle, but I'm lost as to the revelance. I get that he's giving he memoirs in these recordings, but I can't help but want it presented in some other way.

      Part two... I need more. More about Racket. I get he's young but I don't really have a feel for him; his talents and flaws. He's a kid. That's it. If he's going to be the protagnoist I really need to root for him. I also don't have a feel for the sequencing of part 2 and 3. For some reason part 2 feels like it's coming after part 3.

      Now this being a memoir, you can go out of sequence. You can throw memories in. But it needs to be clear to the reader that that's what you're doing.

      Part three... sigh... part three doesn't have anything really happen in it. The go into a cave, get lost, get seperated, and he finds the damnsel in distress. He doesn't even manage to get her to safety. It was like 'okay... action! And... cut...' Hubazawha? I'd been happier if there were rad scorpions in there, fight them, then they come across a trail of slain scorpions, and follow them to the fight.

      So... my suggestion is this. Add some more to part one to make it more revelant, but keep it a prologue. Talk about caravaning or meander about good days... just keep it 100% character focused. If I don't care about Racket, you've lost me.

      Part two... I need more Racket. Racket Racket Racket. I need to give a damn about him, have a chance to see what's happened. You can give us more setting too. I just need more in these early chapters, not less. (This was my problem with Fo:E ch 1,2, and 3. It's not just you.)

      Part three... have something happen. Easiest fix would be to have there be radscorpions. Small ones. Show us if Racket can fight or not with that... actually I'm not sure what weapon he's using. Varmint rifle? BB gun? Cast iron frying pan?

      Two other notes. I love 'painting with blood'. Really. You'll see. But the blood has to come from somewhere. Also, if he's covered in green light, the blood will appear black. So where'd all the blood come from? If there's multiple bodies, show em.

      Lastly, she's lying there wounded and didn't give him any warning? Not only is she helpless but she's stupid too. Even if she's mute she should be trying to sign to him to run. Be very careful. Damsels in distress get very old very quickly.

      Part three... I need more actio

      ReplyDelete
    174. @Somber

      Honestly, you wouldn't believe how much that helped.

      I think I'm going to go and just plain rewrite it. In trying to be one of the 'early' writers, I ended up putting a whole load of words down without putting much thought into it. Which isn't the best thing to do, for me at least.

      Thanks again, I'll see if I can contribute some feedback later.

      Now to go write three chapters before the next update bump comes along...

      ReplyDelete
    175. I do believe how much it helps. I know first hand how much it helps. I wish I could give you more concrete feedback or recommendations but I'd need to know what kind of story you're writing.

      You're probably aware of it, but TV Tropes is a good place to sort out ideas. For instance, I was trying to figure out what kind of hero blackjack is. I stumbled across 'idiot hero' and... click.

      ReplyDelete
    176. @Somber

      For some reason my previous message disappeared and I have no idea why.

      I'm afraid I don't have time to retype out everything I said about Chapter 3 of New Horizons. I will however say that I found the death of Spoodle utterly brutal to the extent of me actually uttering "Oh FUCK" in real life.

      And to think I'd just started to like him, kind of a little Artful Dodger style character. But thats the wasteland I guess.

      The story grows as it continues. What I believe your real challenge now is to maintain that momentum of yours and know when to pause it to restart later on as well. I can only wish you well on such a challenge, it's the hardest thing about any "continuing£ story to do right.

      I'll be reading Chapter 4 tonight. Again, sorry, I don't know why my last comment disappeared with all my Chapter 3 feedback. There were a couple typos I'd pointed out, nothing major though.

      ReplyDelete
    177. @ Somber

      Oh dammit, thats the wrong account I used.

      The "Retro" account is actually me, "Fuzzy." I just used the wrong one by clicking. Damn Google Accounts.

      ReplyDelete
    178. Adventure :

      >A brain damaged mare and her crippled daughter wander around Ponyville a day after Littlepip passed through.
      -Brain damaged mother... Crippled daughter... Ponyville and RIGHT after Litte-Pip...
      Well, what can I say ?... Prepare to be looked upon Every. Single. Details. very closely ...with a description like that ?
      (But, seriously, with that kind of description...)

      >Nothing in her ship should be capable of making those odors.
      -She was on a ship ? A functionnal *ship*... in Fallout ?
      Or, did you meant in fact a *boat* ? Something like a hoofmade (makeshift) boat is more probable.
      Ship: a large seagoing vessel.
      Boat: a small vessel for travel on water.

      >Hoof? >What the? >"Clearly we are not bipeds. We are quadrupeds
      -Really ? It's something like a 'Parallele Universe Fallout crossover' ?

      >The Pipgirl was probably her greatest invention. It was the next generation beyond the Pipbuck
      -Sooo... She can apparently replicate Advanced High-Technology of the Old War and even make something better ? (wouldn't 'pipmare' been better, and more pony like, than pip-''girl'' ?)
      Her Stable was a *Science and Devellopment* Stable or something ?
      >The Cybercorn carbines were another invention to come out of their stable.
      -Super Science Stable ?

      >Unlike regular guns, they relied on telekinesis instead of gunpowder to propel the projectile.
      -Basicly, they are like low-level(speed) version of Gauss Rifles ?

      >Lee was at a disadvantage now, with both of her rear legs hock-deep in the body of the collapsing ranger
      -She just literally ''kicked'' through a *Power Armor* 's hyper-resistant alloy ??
      I know there's a tag saying ''cyborg'', but still ?
      Are they half-cyborg (of ridiculous power and strenght) / half-pony, like that RedEye villain in F.Equestria or something ?
      -High-Tech weapons, high-tech pip-''girl'', high-tech cyborg parts... Isn't this a bit much ?
      (1 has a missing leg and 1 suffer some memory (parallele universe delirium?) troubles, but still.)

      >her cybernetics already rerouting the flow to bypass the damaged areas.
      -Wait, wait... they are FULL cyborgs !? (what's the term for Mega++ Characters again ? I can't remember...)

      ... Apparently nopony is even slightly or remotely 'surprised' to see CYBORG-ponies ? (especially after easily killing 1.5 Steel Rangers, one of the biggest foe for the 'common pony')
      I... kinda doubt this must be a common or even normal occurance ? ...

      >the yellow eyed ghoul, Ditzi Doo
      -Ditzy, with an 'y'.

      >"And what is this I hear about spoils of combat?" >"The muffins!"
      -Hmmm... Well, this is certainly some tasty spoils. :)

      >"Wha?" Lee managed, reaching up with her hand to.... hang on a moment? Where did her hoof go? For that matter, Anne appeared human now.
      -What did AJ once said ? Ah yes... Cornsagit ! ...and plenty of annoyance and mild-anger.

      >"but the whole pony thing was a virtual reality game.
      -Well... that kinda render the story absolutely pointless, now isn't it ?

      ... More or less mildly disappointed ...

      ReplyDelete
    179. Hummm... is it normal, when I open the 'Fallout: Equestria: New Neighgas' story, that I can write&delete words ?

      I think the author forgot and left it 'open' for edit ?

      ReplyDelete
    180. 13 different stories (without counting the individual parts) in this page ALONE !

      ...that kinda make up for a LOT of comments... yeah...

      -----

      Kiss Equestria Goodbye :

      >Lucky has finally escaped Red Eye’s perfect prison of pampering and privilege and reached the world beyond.
      -Hmm... I wonder if RedEye (or maybe just some of his minions, most probably) will 'interact' with him, at some point ?
      -I also wonder if some future actions of Little-Pip are gonna affect Lucky, later on ?

      >I’d deceived them into thinking that my talent was understanding Magical Weapon theory. Just theory.
      -Hmm... Makes me wonder what his cutie mark was ? ...a *Gem* with an *Explosion* behind it, maybe ?
      Kinda interesting, I would say.

      >I flicked my StealthBuck off.
      -On/Off stealthBoys (with a 'capacity', % ) ? I wish it was like that for real, in Fallout, that would be pretty great. ;)

      >Hind legs tall, forelegs and head down, all wrapped in the rotting tatters of some sort of armored barding.
      -I don't recognize this Fallout monster ? (it doesn't seem to fit the description of what I -seriously- hope is not, so that's good, I suppose)

      >“Mr. Charm, the Board of Pre-War Studies will see you now.”
      -His name is really : Lucky... Charm ?
      Well, somepony had a good sense of humor that day. ;)
      That, or it was breakfast and it was the only box of cereal available.

      ... I'm wondering of what the ''range'' of that story will be ?
      By that I mean, will it happen only in Fillidelphia, the town+surrondings, even further ?
      If I recall correctly, the territory of the ''diamond dogs'' (forgot their new name) is on one side of the area, there's also BoS ponies zones nearby, and the ''goddess'' in a distance somewhere; So... quite a dengerous place to start ? ...

      ... Rather intersting start ...

      ReplyDelete
    181. @Nova25
      Regarding StealthBu--sorry, StealthBoys, that is how it works in Fo and Fo2. I take it that the Bethesda games handle things differently?

      ReplyDelete
    182. @Anonymous
      I mostly played Fallout 3 and New Vegas, not much of the others.
      (I still have a rather good knowledge of the History of the Fallout Universe... thanks to various sources and a brother being HUGE fan of the series as a whole, even the 2 lesser known fallout games.)

      And, yes... in the 2 ''new'' games, they are 1-time only items, that last like 2-3min.

      ReplyDelete
    183. I am waiting for this to update because i just handed mine up to Seth...

      Want me to post it here for a sneak peak?

      ReplyDelete
    184. @ Somber

      Just finished Chapters 4 and 5 in more rapid succession. Unfortunately, again, my browser wiped my message. I only recall one of the typos I noticed (there were 3-4 of them) so I figure I'll get that niggle out of the way first then delve into the meat of it.

      "We’d all ready lost Cloudsdale,"

      All ready -> Already

      And with that out of the way...

      I think it's fair to perhaps say that this story is entering its "Act 1 build" now? In that it's past it's intro, its into the meat of it and is potentially approaching its first build to something bigger. I applaud that you aren't afraid to glance over details to get into what matters. Some stories tell every step of a journey, but really it's not needed. The jumps to fighting the radscorpions or the robots were handy to keep the pace going until the character interactions could finish it off in chapter 5.

      I figured it was only a matter of time till a DJ PON-3 broadcast kicked in. Again, that is always something that has to be incredibly carefully handled, given we now know precisely who is behind the mask, so to speak. Have you considered how this is set time wise in relation to the main story of FO:E?

      I'll admit I was nervous when you brought in Glory. Enclave ponies are something we know little about at this point in time, so to make use of one is unusual and runs a risk of later condradiction. But her insistent to remain a little aloof and somewhat justified and open means to arrive are, for now, working well. Her naive outset perfectly mirror's P-21's more serious and impatient mindset.

      For some reason even though I know Blackjack is a female. I keep reading her as a male. I wish I knew why.

      You've got a definite direction, money earning. How that will bring it's own problems in future will no doubt become noticable. After all, 10'000 caps is a looooot of money in the wasteland...

      ReplyDelete
    185. @Fuzzy
      "For some reason even though I know Blackjack is a female. I keep reading her as a male. I wish I knew why."
      Maybe it's because the idea of a heterosexual pony is so unfamiliar, causing your brain to label her a gay male instead? This hypothesis probably has no bearing on reality, but it's an interesting idea.

      ReplyDelete
    186. @Fuzzy

      And Hinds can tell you "All Ready" for "Already" is a long term problem for me. I need to just write a sticky telling me 'search for X and replace with Y after EVERY story.' I'll go snag it.

      I'm trying to keep my story 3-4 chapters "Behind" FoE. So at this point in Ch 5, LiL Pip is taking down Appleloosa. Pssh, Blackjack's got it easy... Did I handle DJ PON-3 well?

      The Enclave has a much bigger role in Hoofington. I'm hopefully making it clear that the Thunderhead Enclave is up to their own shenanigans. Something's happened to make isolationism no longer sufficient.

      Unfortunately she's straight and the only male she's around is P-21 whose told her he wants to shoot her. Not conducive to relationships. For some reason tho folks keep flopping genders... sigh...

      Sadly when I played FO:NV I had 10k caps by Primm. She's going to have some more challenges then that. Her caps will be earned at the speed of plot! Bwa ha ha.

      Chapter 8 is done and in the queue. Chapter 9 starting.

      ReplyDelete
    187. Oh... believe it or not, BJ was going to be gay. Then I realized that a) it was ripping off LilPip more than usual and b) invite unseeming shipping.

      ...she might be bi curious tho...

      OH! I have a concern for 6,7,8... how is my level of angst? Too much? Okay? Not enough? Good god, put her out of her misery? or Good god, shut her the fuck up?

      The wastelands are about to kick her ass hard.

      ReplyDelete
    188. So she is straight? I guess that thing with Midnight was just the result of a nigh-exclusively-female population?

      ReplyDelete
    189. correct. LOTS easier to find sex with a mare than wait for a male's breeding queue to come up.

      ReplyDelete
    190. @Somber

      To be honest, thus far I'd not bring anything up as angst really. Well, it is, but not in the "Oh god angst time" manner. So I doubt you'll have a problem going into that sort of thing for the next few chapters for a while.

      DJ PON-3 was fine, really. So long as it maintains that "Oh by the way" concept to Blackjack. Given Watcher and DJ in your stories thus far, I doubt you'll have trouble given your track record across these few chapters. Just keep it easy and keep it natural.

      Thanks for the time period clue in. Thats pretty handy (and cool) to see these things happening concurrently. For example, "Kiss Equestria Goodbye" won't have had Lucky start yet on his escape in the other side fic.

      I'm interested and still a tad wary to see what you've got going with the Enclave, given their isolation. But hey, I'm open to concepts, so I am willing to go in with an open mind. :)

      Looking forward to 6,7,8 appearing, I really am.

      ReplyDelete
    191. @Fuzzy

      Actually, I just wanna clarify my first line there, because I realised it could be read wrongly.

      Nothing within chapters 1-5 has particularly felt massively angsty.

      So for 6-8 I doubt it'd really be bad if you explored the concept a little.

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    192. Sorry to add a little more confusion, but I've actually written up to chapter 7. I like hoofreading 2 or 3 at a time and I'm really sorry about the incorrect posting

      ReplyDelete
    193. I'm thinking of asking Kkat and Seth to make Project Horizon it's own story. I'm finishing a new chapter every 2-3 days but it's taking 7-10 days to update. Would anypony hate me if I asked?

      ReplyDelete
    194. @Somber
      I don't think anybody would mind. If it's getting regular updates that people want to read it should be updated when they come out.

      If i wasn't in the intensive care ward in hospital i would be writing some of mine... meh it can wait.

      ReplyDelete