• Story: Sunset (Update Story 2 Complete!)

    [Grimdark][Sad]

    Author: Ciroton
    Description: Some things in this world happen by chance. Others do not. Twilight Sparkle is about to learn a disturbing truth that will turn her world upside down.
    Sunset Chapter 1: Dawn
    Sunset Chapter 2: Twilight
    Sunset Chapter 3: Moonrise
    Sunset Chapter 4: Eclipse
    Sunset: Epilogue

    Additional Tags: Conflict, Revelation, Madness, Sorrow, Regret

    Alternate Ending by Leonon


    [Grimdark-War][Adventure]

    Author: Ciroton
    Description: Welcome to the new Equestria, Twilight Sparkle. See your friends at each other's throats? You have to choose between them now, to stop the heartache of war with decisive victory. For the nation lies bleeding, its harmony shattered into a million pieces. Black and white and right and wrong have blurred together.

    You must choose wisely, or all shall die.
    For Want of a Dawn Prologue
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 1
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 2
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 3
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 4
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 5
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 6
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 7
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 8
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 9
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 10
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 11
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 12
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 13
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 14
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 15
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 16
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 17
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 18
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 19
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 20
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 21
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 22
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 23
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 24
    For Want of a Dawn Chapter 25 (New!)

    Additional Tags: It's the end of the world as Twilight knows it.


     Art by dotrook

    253 comments:

    1. Dat image.

      I'll read this tomorrow afternoon. Look promising.

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    2. dear god that image. (in b4 it's changed)
      this looks like a... fun read. too bad i have finals to study for.

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    3. Dat image is what the author requested.

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    4. it has some pacing issues, but it is still a very good read, good job.

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    5. @Sethisto

      dat header ;_; celestia noooo

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    6. Awesome story, can't wait for ch 2!

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    7. It certainly has potential.

      Let's see how it goes.

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    8. I'm confused by what Celestia was planning - what does "spirit" mean in this context? How does Twilight differ from ordinary ponies? I suspect that this was intentional and the full implications of Twilight's origins will be revealed when Twilight herself discovers them (for maximum drama!). But then there's this contradiction:

      "But then she reminded herself that the mare staring at her would have no destiny and no spirit."

      "Prodding into the sleeping pony, however, the princess saw something she didn't account for; the pony had no spirit at all and would be unsuitable to hold her sister."

      Celestia plans to create a vessel without a spirit, but then is surprised to see Twilight won't be a suitable vessel, because she has no spirit? That doesn't add up.

      Despite this, I think this is a well-written story with good pacing and an interesting premise. I like Tyrant Celestia as much as the next brony, but it's refreshing to see her as a well-meaning goddess who started to put a monstrous plan into motion because of the pain of her loss. I especially like the exploration of her relationships with Luna and Twilight and the scene where she lets Nightmare Moon banish her. So emotionally fraught! I'm looking forward to seeing this continued.

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    9. Agreed, let's see where this goes.

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    10. It's good and well-written, but I wish this picture had been saved for an evil Twilight story. :T

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    11. But I suppose the picture fits anyway. :O

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    12. 1. Why the heck would anyone change the picture? Besides, the person who RUNS this site put it up and the internet is not democratic!

      2. Are you suggesting that Twilight Sparkle is a philosophical zombie?! That is preposterous!
      /\
      |
      |
      |
      (This is sarcasm)
      It's a great idea! Can't wait to see how this turns out, hurry up and write moar! The Common Good compels you! :)

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    13. "I've created a monster..."
      ~Celestia's last words.

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    14. Given the tags are Grimdark and Sad, I'm going to assume that Celestia's actions are going to come back and haunt her. And perhaps the picture image represents a future event.

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    15. Hmm...



      I'm guessing either Twilight has a case of "Goes Mad From the Revelation" or something is fundamentally wrong with her spiritually...thus making her monstrous in nature.

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    16. @Anonymous

      Don't worry. Everything will be explained in the end. Let's just say Celestia didn't think everything through as much as she thought she did before she proceeded. That, and she forgot a few key facts about the universe.

      And I made a typo that I'm going to fix ASAP.

      "for; the pony had no spirit at all" and all other mentions should in fact say...

      "for; the pony had overwhelming magic where a void of spirit should have been"

      -----------------------------------

      Also, I didn't request that image, I just said this fic was INSPIRED by it... so I guess in a way I did. ^^

      Thank you all for the feedback so far. *Goes to fix*

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    17. @Anonymous

      Don't worry. Everything will be explained in the end. Let's just say Celestia didn't think everything through as much as she thought she did before she proceeded. That, and she forgot a few key facts about the universe.

      And I made a typo that I'm going to fix ASAP.

      Some things in this chapter, Twilight WON'T find out about, so it kinda evens out, I think. x3

      -----------------------------------

      Also, I didn't request that image, I just said this fic was INSPIRED by it... so I guess in a way I did. ^^

      Thank you all for the feedback so far. *Goes to fix*

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    18. Interesting, interesting. You've given us a lot of things to think about since you pretty much rewrote the entire story. You've also left us with a lot of questions. I'm certainly interested now.

      And so I'm waiting for another part.

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    19. .... and once aware and acnologed the true reason of it's existence and it's real origins....THE CREATION TURNS AGAINST IT'S CREATOR, NOW AWARE OF THE REAL EXTENT OF IT'S TRUE INFINITE POWER IN A BATTLE THAT WOULD REDEFINE THE FUTURE OF PONYKIND WITH THE POWER OF A THOUSTAND SUNS!!!...or at leatst an overpowered family quarrel of bloddy propotions...

      also the author could put some clues for Twilight about her true nature, like never bleeding while injured(damaged), or if she despite being a 24/7 bookworm can outlast the most atlethic pony of the group (Endurance does not mean speed or strenge) like nothing in battle, of if sleeping feels to her unnesesary, but the books she had read tells otherwhise, or if she has the fastest healing rate,or if she was completly aware of what's happening when she was "tuned into rock statue" or why she had never gotten sick or someting, but especially of how could sha have survived an anvil, a piano, and a heavy loaded cart falling over her concecutively almos at the same time, or things like that the series could not explain (lack of blood while injured)

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    20. Uhhhh . . . . Celestia is a Schemer, Twilight . . . wow i cannot look at her the same way again. O.o I know this is a fan story but . . . . after reading it and how superbly it tied into the Pilot . . . . .My world was just blasted to pieces . . . . My suspicions of Celestia are deepened further, and Twilight . . . . .uhhhh twi . .light . . . If you havent read this . . . DO IT NOA! BUT only if you dont want more questions added to our already sparse knowledge of Equastria. AWESOME STORY, and extremely well written. WHAT HAS CELESTIA DONE?!?!?!? ( dont get me wrong guys im not stupid, but thinking logically and spirit minded of Equstria . . . im quite stupified, but excited. If things like this can happen in Equstria, who knows what wonderful and exciting, if not threatening stories/adventures await us!) What about Twilight . . what would she do if she ever found out. How would she take it, would header pic be valid then? I know id have alot of questions . . . then maybe rage . . . . then prolly appreciation in the fits of insanity to follow. Great tie in. Extremely well written and quite an epic precurser . . . . *Brohoof*

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    21. This is the first MLP fanfiction I've read. Please update.

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    22. Neat!
      Although, that other Anon has a point. Maybe subtle hints here and there about Twilight's true nature that she takes for granted, besides memory loss.

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    23. Twilight Sparkle is obviously a golem.
      Dammit now i'm thinking of all the golem Harry Potter fanficts i've read.

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    24. "Crabs chirp at dawn, Twilight"

      Best. Derpy line. Ever.

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    25. oh god it looks like a huge chunk of celestia's neck is missing. CANNOT UNSEE.

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    26. WOO WO WOOO WOOO! *pinkie styled talking and rambling* I cant wait to read it! I was waiting an waiting and i knew there would be more . . . . i was like aww it ended, it tied into the pilot . . . adding new stuffs and making alot of questions, but i i knew there would be more . . i KNEW IT!!

      *normal* I really enjoyed the first part so far n.n I love to read stories that tie into official works!

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    27. Twilight: I WANT TO MAKE YOU SO PROUD.

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    28. I still say, Twilight was about to go full blown "Carrie" when she got her cutie mark. Celestia stopped her just in time before she destroyed everyone, and taught her to control her power. Mebbe even dampening it for a while.

      So yea, this story makes sense. Just cant wait to read the rest!

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    29. from Xanderfox,

      Spoilers you you haven't read the story.






      I would suggest that by the time Twilight took her Entrance Exam(and got her cutie mark) she had a soul/spirit because nature would not allow something soulless to continue to live. Also i expect Celestia focused on making the first Golem spiritless and an adult, while the second time she produced a child which could function with out a spirit because it would just develop one buy experiencing life. Of course now Celestia has to deal with her child, who is as powerful as she is and suffering a mental break down.

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    30. Dat third chapter. Dang.

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    31. Not for the ponies that are faint of heart. Great story, chapter 3 is a little gut wrenching, but i suppose it has to earn its grimdark title somehow! Great story.

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    32. Whoa, great story. I can't wait until CHAPTER 4!!!

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    33. This story is utterly magnificent. At first it doesn't convey much, but what soon follows is a dark and terrifying tale, filled with a spectrum of emotions. There are seldom moments where it's so dark you want to laugh or chuckle but you're soon jerked to stare in shock and horror. For being fanfiction, a good deal of events tied in to the show are handled beautifully.

      This could very well be an instant fanfiction classic!

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    34. Insanity...It does stuff to you....

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    35. Finally chapter 3! Yes! Yes! Yes!

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    36. I just got done reading the third chapter, by celestia . . . oh twi . . . . This chapter blew me away. I couldnt beleive what was going on . . . . but somewhere in the back of my mind i sorta seen this conlfict coming after i read the first chapter. I wanted to cry for twi as i was reading the books passages. Really it doesnt hit hard until your reading the passages with her. I was just as confused in the beginning of this chapter as twi was when she was hurt . . . . . but WOW. I am scared to see whats else is going to happen. I really like how things are described, but not how things are playing out. Superb storytelling is coming from this story. But this chapter will haunt me for a while now . . . . . I need to go and read something a little more light hearted now to ease MY mind. . . . . sigh. While im shacked at the events portrayed i eagerly await the next chapter. I bow to you good sir for flipping my world just now.

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    37. Will there be more!??!!? This is amazing!

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    38. ~*^^^*^^^*^^^*~

      Please, PLEEEASE.
      Awesome chapter 4, but... but... it needs closure. Twilight just... she just... And Celestia...

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    39. Why is it everytime I lose my calm I hurt somepony?
      I agree with MintyRest though.Needs more closure.

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    40. There is obviously only one solution! The GREAT and POWERFUL TRIXIE must gallop in to SAVE THE DAY!


      Quite awesome chapter though :D

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    41. Twilight f*@#ked their shit up.

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    42. This'd better not be the end. I'd be pretty pissed.

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    43. I LOVED this story... up until the end. Too short, nothing was resolved really. That took it down from 5 stars to 4 stars for me. Still, everything else was incredible.

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    44. I'm sorry, it was good up to chapter 4, and the last chapter killed it.

      ~*^^^*^^^*^^^*~

      Because I hate the ending. It just doesn't tie into the theme of FiM very well (even if it is grimdark).

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    45. That last part was a bit jumbled? I found it hard to follow whose thoughts we were following. Other than that, yeah, epilogue/another chapter would be nice. Show what the end result of all this madness is, whether it be happy or sad. I'd past that tilde-carrot thing but I don't really have a preference for happy over sad. Just needs some closure is all, even if that closure is Twilight taking up the duties now vacant, filled with remorse over her actions and only tolerated because the job needs to be done.

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    46. Chapter 4 was awful. It was too jumbled, too confused, and I really hate 'Iron Hoof Celestia' so you going that route really bugs me as well. I just doesn't work.

      It would have been far more tragic if Celestia was, well, Celestia, too.

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    47. I'd definitely like to see an epilogue made for this. For closure and whatnot.

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    48. Call me a mad scientist but I don't think there's anything wrong with creating artificial life.

      Creating intelligent artificial life just to die? Sure. Lying to said artificial life? Sure. Being a hypocrite and creating artificial life while presiding over a state that punished it with exile/death? Definitely.

      But just creating it? Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

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    49. Wow is all I can say at this most recent chapter. So much sadness. I really wanted to jump into the story and try to stop the 3 from fighting.

      Can't wait for the next chapter.

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    50. Oh wow... I just read the whole thing in one sitting... Mind = Blown. The way you tied it into the pilot was executed superbly. I definitely can't look at Twilight the same way again. Overall, it was an incredible story, but I do agree with most everypony else in that it still needs some closure, at least an epilogue, if not another chapter.

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    51. That was fantastic. This is what grimdark should be.

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    52. Okay then, since people don't seem to like how quick the falling action is (and I agree with them. What was I thinking?) then you can all expect an Epilogue sometime this next week or so as I work on my next (less Grimdark, I promise) story.

      I'm thinking less 'happy-happy' and more 'bittersweet'

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    53. Hell ya! Another update to my favorite story! :)

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    54. Holy crap. That was intense. I also liked the little in-joke with Pinkie Pie about halfway through. Though I also echo the sentiments above:

      The story doesn't need a mega happy ending (and I daresay that attempting one would cheapen things), but what was presented isn't really an ending. It feels more like a setup for an Epilogue or a final chapter rather than an actual ending.



      Also, there were times in this chapter where it was hard to tell what was going on. First Twilight was doing something, and then Celestia was doing something, then Luna was doing something; but sometimes it wasn't apparent who the story was talking about until the paragraph was almost over.

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    55. Indeed, I think the story needs an epilogue just to wrap a few things up. Like why Celestia can't be brought back from the moon, or what the state of the kingdom is going to be.

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    56. Yay! Down with the Celestia Tyranny! Long live Princess Eos! Long live the Principality of Eos!

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    57. One thing I forgot to ask:

      Am I correct in assuming that Celestia was no longer immortal, and Twilight did in fact kill her by banishing her?

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    58. @TenchiFreak5

      Excerpt from Chapter 1 (Aka: Foreshadowing)

      "The only thing stopping her from bursting into flames from the sheer heat of the sun was her divinity and immortality."

      I think you can guess.

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    59. @TenchiFreak5

      If it makes you feel better, she wouldn't die immediately. So, you know, there's still a chance to bring her back before she burns to death.

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    60. Nah. I meant I feel bad about dumping on the ending in my first post. I missed that detail when I made the comment (something was nagging at me, but I didn't catch what it was until I reread the final few paragraphs), and now I completely understand why you ended it that way.

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    61. ...When all of a sudden, BAM! Story over!

      I'm sorry, but am I the only one who was blindsided by that ending? It's a damn good read, but... I need more closure than that.

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    62. Hmm... I have a sudden urge to see Eos in an episode or at least see the creation of a large fan base :) LONG LIVE PRINCESS EOS!

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    63. Well damn.. You just made me feel pretty bad for Celestia.

      What a terrible fate to burn to death in her own sun, just because she wasn't able to kill Twilight when she had the change.

      I really enjoyed this story. Ending was a bit messy, too much stuff happening at once. waiting for an epilogue..

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    64. The ending needs more closure.

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    65. Epilogue! Epilogue!

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    66. Holy shit, that was crazy. I don't think I've ever seen as much action in a story as this (Well, maybe Fallout Equestria, but thats debatable). This story was absolutely fantastic, I could obviously see that you put a ton of effort into this. Though I think that this is a horrible ending. But I read on your DA that you're going to make an epilogue and so I'm waiting for that =)

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    67. Well, this is why I dont read fanfics. brb suicide.

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    68. just...wow...man you really out did yourself this is absolutely fabulous D: great job!

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    69. Chapter 5, nao! You know you want to Ciroton ;)

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    70. You really need to make a proper ending. The way it is now just leaves too many questions and 'unsolved' things hanging. I'm not requesting a happy ending or anything like that, just try to come to a conclusion with most of the stuff that happened, such as her friends, Ponyville, and wha t would happen to Luna/Eos afterwards.

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    71. Yeah, I agree with everybody else. I read this chapter, and was looking forward to more, I had questions as to what was coming next...then you said it was the ending and the only question on my mind then was "have you gone completely insane?"

      Seriously, this *isn't* how you end a story, we don't even have a sentence or line or so much as a throwaway passage that says this is a conclusion, much less giving us any ideas as to what happens next.

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    72. Magnificent! Pure Genius. This was a Very Exelent read. The Fact that it was so descriptive only furthers it moreso.

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    73. What a beautiful nonvisual tapestry you have crafted. Simply the most epic and my perpony favorite fanfic. I have read a bunch of others and I loved them all. I surely hope to get some closure here. The end left me choked up. I really wanted to give twilight a huge comforting hug. I mean really, her situation actually didn't differ from nightmare moons. I think while what happened was a tragedy, she had to feel its impact a million times more now that its said and done. That kind of weight on ones shoulder, I'm not sure if anypony could stand it. If only ......... thank you for such an awesome story. I love how well it tied into the series at first, then, boom new direction. I truly hope, even despite the circumstances, her friends can forgive her. Even if she will never be able to forgive or even trust herself........

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    74. I don't know what to say. I'm fueled by a mixture of rage and confusion. I hate seeing Twilight portrayed like this, but at the same time couldn't stop reading. There just has to be a part after Eclipse that brings some closure, right? It would break my heart if not.

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    75. With the added epilogue all I can say is....



      Winning.

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    76. Oh, I liked the Epilogue. I like that kind of epilogue.

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    77. that was an amazing epilogue to a truly incredible series sir! i like seeing happy endings and that sure as hell was more than i expected it to be! i hope you continue to write in the future

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    78. Damn straight! THAT is how you end a story.

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    79. Really good read, and I feel so much closer with the Epilogue. I could easily see a whole other story being based around purely the thought of Eos struggling to take control over Twilight.

      And the alternate ending was devilishly dark but perfectly suited.

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    80. The Epilouge made this 20% more awesome.

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    81. That is more like it. You managed to take the tone from Eclipse and basically flip it over on its head. Even better, you did it in a way that doesn't force the issue. The progression of events perfectly flows as the tone of the story increases in positivity, and the ultimately "bittersweet with heavy emphasis on sweet" ending fits far better than I ever expected it could after reading Eclipse.

      I went from absolutely dreading reading the Epilogue to being increasingly glad that I did. Twilight's constant self-doubt and survivor's guilt were perfectly written as Eos and as Twilight.

      Basically, Bravo.

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    82. The new ending is perfect. It's just radiating with closure, happiness, all that good stuff. Nice job.

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    83. This is now pretty much my favorite grimdark fiction on this site. :) Loved that epilogue.

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    84. Rated-R PonyStarJune 1, 2011 at 4:29 PM

      This story was awesome! Great build up, awesome character transformation, plot was really good and the action was killer. Kind of would of done a much depressing or darker ending. Seemed kind of weak with all the redemption after all the stuff Twilight did. But still a good story either way.

      Rated R, out.

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    85. Absolutely love this, one of the best fics I've read so far. That mother and foal scene, oh my days, getting misty just thinking about it. Solid gold.

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    86. What a wonderful ending to an otherwise sad story. I was horrified at what Twilight had done at the end of the last chapter and was hoping at least something good would have come of it. I'm glad Twilight was able to save Celestia before being incinerated by the sun.

      My love for Twilight grows because of fics like yours. Thanks for the awesome story.

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    87. I prefer the alternate ending. I'm just Grimdark like that.

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    88. Everything I'd say, I said on dA.
      Amazing, simply amazing.

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    89. I cried manly tears at the ending. Well done, Ciroton. Well done.

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    90. My God... It's beautiful... Give this man an award! A Nobel prize for literature! Or at least 5 stars!

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    91. I pretty much said everything I wanted to say in your DA. But I'mma just say it here again but this story is worth it.

      This is an amazing quality fic. I loved the turns the story had and the epilogue is felt really good.

      6/5 stars definitely.

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    92. Wait, how the fuck is this still a 4-star story?

      Sethisto! Break out the 6-star tag at once!

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    93. Thank you, this fic is amasing . . . . the ending was perfect. I was misty eyed quite a bit reading this finally. I was never happier for Twilight than i am now. But Eos . . . i wonder how she will play into Twilights life in the future. BEautifully done, how this wrapped up. Wow today has been an emotional rampage for me, reading the last sonic rainboom and then this . . . . I have been giddy from writing my own little story, then watching mlp most of the day, then reading the last rainboom, then drawing . . . then reading this. This was that big "HUG" Twilight needed.

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    94. I'm glad you added the epilogue on, it really gives the story a sense of completeness that it lacks if you just stop at Eclipse. That said, there's one thing I really want to know...

      What happened with Dash's teeth? Were they able to implant them back into her mouth in time? Did she get a bridge? Is she going to have a hockey player's smile for the rest of her life?

      Sorry if the question seems silly, but I get seriously squicked by the thought of lost teeth, and I could use some cloture on this issue :)

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    95. @Chris

      I'd assume she'd get them fixed as a 'Hockey Player' smile isn't cool. ;P

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    96. Wait... Is this... Closure!? Yes!!! It was an awesome story with just Eclipse, but the epilogue made it even better :D Love the story.

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    97. Why the heck would Luna attack Celestia? Silly pony, Twilight is the craaaazy one! At least everyone got a happy ending. Well except all the people who died, or lost bits in property damage.

      Great story very poignant and yet exciting!

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    98. This is the story i'm going to point people to when they say horror stories or grim stories or stories where nothing but terrible things happen to the characters can end with hope. Thanks for the great story.

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    99. I just realised that all the chapter titles up to 4 are references to the Twilight books. As in the series about sparkly vampires.

      1. *Breaking* Dawn
      2. *Twilight*
      3. *New Moon*rise
      4. *Eclipse*

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    100. @Anonymous

      That's strange, considering I've NEVER read the books. o.o

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    101. So I read the epilogue. Meanwhile, Coldplay's Fix You was playing in the back. I got that feeling... I have no idea how to explain it.

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    102. @Ciroton
      That's...I dunno...what's the word...creepy? I'd almost call you out on being Stephanie Mayer, but your writing is too good for you to possibly be her.

      ...man, I'm a fairly new brony and I can't help but be in awe at all the amazing stuff fandom pumps out.

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    103. Very well done. I was at a loss before the epilogue, but now I just love this fic. I can't even explain why, it's just very well done.
      Bravo

      <3
      -SR

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    104. Damn, That's an epic fanfic!
      I love it's entirety with a good end!

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    105. HOLY CRAP I'm not into Grimdark but that was Brilliant the resolution of the battle nearly had me in tears.
      2 hooves up

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    106. Wow, one of the best grimdark and sad stories I've read so far on ED.
      But by Celestia's and/or Eos' name! Why is this not at least tagged Star-5?

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    107. First fanfic I've read, wow that was a trip. I'm a late comer to FiM, and the community just amazes me. I'm man enough to say I'm a bronie now. Just ashame I'll be overseas for season 2!!

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    108. Finally read this. Absolutely wonderful! Kept me on my toes the whole time!

      I'm actually kind of glad we have as many stories with sad/death endings as we do, so that when stories like this come along that could very well go either way, they're all the better and more unpredictable.

      Gold stars! :D

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    109. Just read this! It's awesome! Any chance for a sequel or spin-offs?

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    110. ;_____;

      llore

      xD

      this deserves a comic/animation adaptation xD
      its simply epic :D

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    111. Epic, yes, but not sad. Definitively not sad.

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    112. why isn't this a 6-star story yet?

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    113. Get this to 6-star rating NOW! Seriously, this was just awesome.

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    114. I loved this so much, I could just die. Princess Eos is best pony.

      I personally think it would have been cool if Twilight had turned back into Eos while talking to celestia and said something about how she had changed and "earned" divinity. but still the same ending and everything, just with 3 princesses.

      ReplyDelete
    115. one of the top Fic's I've read thats complete.

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    116. You can so make a (possibly light) sequel were twi tries to redeem herself, and finnaly people get simi comfortable around her, but a few years latter starts to grow wings thanks to her having Celestia's blood flowing through her; throwing off everything, and possibly throw in some small explanation that an alicorn doesnt get wings till their mid twenties. Currently loling over the idea of Dash trying to give Twilight flying lessons in full blown comedy fasion. (she was crazy when she flew in the story so could thrown in that she doesnt know how to fly when sain)

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    117. "Fluttershy with demonic bunnies" ...change that to bunny, and it wouldnt be far from the truth. You all know the bunny I am talking about.

      PS:Loved the story more must read and hear about it.

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    118. Okay, seriously? I know there is some story lying in wait here, but I just got to the part in chapter three in which references are made to scootabuse and "Cupcakes". Back to back. I've tried to ignore the fact that this story is borrowing bits and pieces from just about everything fanon, but this is just obnoxious. Even though I guessed everything that happens so far, I'm going to finish the story. Mostly out of boredom. Good day, gentlecolts.

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    119. I dunno...I don't like the idea of Twilight being artificial >_>

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    120. @Pinkie_Pie_fan471

      I wouldn't really call her artificial at this point. She has a soul, emotions, the only difference is she has some spectacular regenerative capabilities. And might possibly be immortal (not sure if advanced golems can "die", at least from old age).

      I enjoyed this story quite a bit, the Epilogue tied everything together quite nicely. Not really sure what I could give for criticisms, not that I feel like I'm in a position to give them anyway.

      Oh, and more stories please.

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    121. I shall refrain from death-defying spoilers. I read the whole thing in nonstop rapid succession. The fourth wall being broken made me laugh loudly. It was written in a nice spot and used accordingly. And the references to other fanons during Twi's breakdown (ohgod, why did you bring back my failed attempts of suppressing Cupcakes) were also nice as well.

      On chapters three and four (four, more so) I was taken aback and saddened, easily sympathizing with Twilight's emotions. How she was feeling, and how easy it was to sympathize with what is her life, brought on waves of sadness that connected to me on an emotional level.

      It wasn't until the epilogue that I became saddened to the point of crying. I cried from top to bottom from heartbreak, only stopping some few times to regain composure. Whilst I didn't get into a sobbing fit, tears just continuously flowed. Especially the scene at the end... That heart wrenching scene made me cry even more, but brought upon closure (that I could accept). I haven't read a story that actually made me cry in quite a long time. I just sympathized with the emotions portrayed and overall storyline for Twilight more easily I guess. As said, it was easy to sympathize.

      Wonderfully written, hence why I even ventured beyond chapter 1, and I give you two hooves up. Great author, great story. You made this 19 year old metal head cry. You fu**er. <3

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    122. @Anonymous
      I was going to write a heart wrenching comment, but the brony above stole the words right out of my mouth. Metal heads forever!

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    123. The epilouge makes this worthy of 6 stars.

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    124. This was.... Wow.

      Caution: Spoilers

      I think the best part about it is that it feels like it could be an episode of a "Dark and Gritty" version of FiM. It takes some of the concepts from the show, moving them into something thoroughly deserving the Grimdark tag. But it's a good Grimdark, like an non-slasher R movie. In addition, it still teaches some important friendship lessons, like the importance of forgiveness and learning from mistakes, and especially the idea that nopony is perfect.

      I felt that the references to Scootabuse and Cupcakes were fitting with Twilight's break from reality, because of how distorted they are compared to the reality of the situations.

      The alternate ending, on the other hand, was definitely more in the vein of a slasher flick, with the snapped protagonist become the evil she fought to destroy.

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    125. Why is this still only 5 stars? Needs to be 6 stars. Honestly this is probly the best grimdark on the site.

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    126. Wow... I don't even LIKE GrimDark normally. But this... this is GOLD.

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    127. Pssh. Trollestia deserved it.
      -looks away and whispers,- "awww God, Twilight. Wtf..."

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    128. Ciroton's stories are awsome you just got to read everything carfully and use your brain.

      The epilogue puts this from 5 star to 6 star territory easy.

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    129. Usually, other authors' alternate endings for GrimDark stories are HAPPIER than the original endings. Leonon is doing it wrong. D:

      The original epilogue was way better, and the story overall was just awesome. Looking forward to the sequel that's supposed to be coming soonish, and hoping it does somehow incorporate Twilight being a golem into the plot.

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    130. Just more evidence the Grimdark tag is woefully generalized. We need to implement a more specific rating system referring more to type of content than content in general.

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    131. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    132. Holy... No wonder I never stood a chance of winning in season 2.

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    133. I dunno... Sunset was one of my favorite fics and it's the only Grimdark fic that I've ever actually enjoyed... but I'm not sure that it needed a sequel. It wrapped up so nicely on it's own. I can't imagine what a sequel would do other than devalue the original.

      Still, this guy has proven himself to be an excellent writer and has scored at least two or three hits in a row now soooooo... *clicks link*

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    134. I'm grinning like a complete idiot right now.


      First chapter looked good, though somehow I'm going to have to find some time to read Rabble Rouser and Clash of the Heavenly Titans before I read any more of this one. I already read My Little Muffin, so no problems there.

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    135. woo, I wasn't expecting for more in this. More reading tonight!!

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    136. i swear ive read a fic like this where celestia made twilight for luna something blah blah *cant explain* twilight is a golem, finds out, goes crazy, starts hurting everyone, confronts celestia, fight, and scene! or so my brain says the other story went...I WILL READ ON!!!

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    137. I love how everyone is all "best grimdark ever!"

      Don't get me wrong, I love this whole reading experience. EAsily a star-5 or even a star-6.

      I know this is a good fic and all and I'mma let ya finish but Kkat had the best grimdark of all time!

      Go, Fallout: Equestria!




      Naw, but seriously, this is a grimdark of epic proportions and def. one of my fav fics on EqD. Keep it up, my fellow brony!

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    138. Holy crap I think this is crossed over with Story of the Blanks!

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    139. Oh, um... wow, that was quite a bit more serious than I expected. It's a wonderful story, and has quite a compelling story line to it but the end of the first story sort of left me with a bittersweet feeling.

      Of course, I guess that was sort of the point of the first story. For now though I think I need to take a break... Those first few chapters left me a little bit emotionally drained.

      Of course, the fact you made me care so deeply about a story is a triumph in and of itself! I'll be sure to read the second story as soon as I find a little bit of free time.

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    140. I'm confused. I read the entirety of Sunset, and yet, I have no idea how Celestia is her mother?

      Also, lol, can't compete with your power? Seriously? You almost killed them both, Twilight. The only reason you didn't was because you stopped yourself.

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    141. @Bladecutter

      Metaphorically her mother. Artificial life created with Celestia's blood and all that.



      And unless I'm misremembering something (it has been awhile), Twilight had basically lost outright against Celestia fairly quickly in the fight until Luna interfered by directly attacking her sister and greatly weakening the both of them in the process (which Twilight took advantage of).

      And at the time, Twilight was a Berserker-Packing mare-and-a-half; so regular nervous-around-the-princess Twilight (let alone riddled-with-regret-and-shame Twilight like she is in the Sunset universe) very likely couldn't come near either of them in power.

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    142. This story... wow, I usually stay away from the Grimdark stories but this one caught my eye. It the picture, always the picture...

      Great job on this! I look forward to reading the next chapter of the sequel.

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    143. Well... it took damn long enough for the Epilogue to be here ?

      It's on DA, since May 31...

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    144. @TenchiFreak5

      Ah yes, that does make a bit of sense. It's been a while since I've read it myself, so I only remember Twilight pretty much coming out on top.

      As for the metaphorical mother stuff, I kept thinking hard about it trying to remember as I read through the author's other stories so I wouldn't be lost, and the faint memory resurfaced of Celestia handing her off to her adoptive mother as a sort of cover-up or something. And as I'm writing this, the entire scene is slowly coming back to me.

      Woo, it all makes sense now! I can sleep without it bothering me all night.

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    145. Okay, so. I need to go to bed. I looked at the picture and the first caption that came to mind was DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TOUCH MY OREOS

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    146. "We dreamed of creating the most powerful pokèmon... and we succeeded..." -Proffesor in pokèmon the first movie.

      I couldnt get that out of my head through the battle scene... It fits...

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    147. @Aesahaettr

      Yeah, this grimdark fic is great - basically Rocket to Insanity w/ more depth, a chilling setup (Full Metal Alchemist anypony?), and a badass Duel of the Fates brawl - but FO: E is "The Godfather" of Grimdark. Period. All Hail Kkat.

      Alt ending was short, but delicious. "I can make new friends." GRIMDARK SQUEE!

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    148. Well damn, I read the first chapt. and all links get messed up for me...Great... >_>

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    149. Just...seriously, wow. How do some people write these deep, soul searching stories from this one show? Even my book is all happy and not very in depth and stuff. I am impressed. Kudos to the author. You guys should be published.

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    150. I was unable to finish this.
      I am willing to forgive all those little errors, all those wrong words that make no sense at all. I don't think I even noticed any spelling and grammar mistakes.
      Small mistakes like that really don't matter.
      I like your writing style. The way you describe things, the way you tell your story, it's pretty good. I see no flaws in that.

      But the story... it makes no sense. The characterization is total manure. The way you used the Creating Life trope in this really cheap Hollywood B-movie way was terrible.
      The way Twilight reacted to things... and that book about golems... just no.
      I really liked the first two chapters, but when horse apples hit the fan in-story, the whole story just kinda went downhill for me.
      When Twilight completely lost it for that ridiculous reason in the throne room, I couldn't bring myself to read any further.

      I honestly dont understand how so many ponies could like this story so much. To me, it's pretty much horrible. Complete dung. Sorry, but I hate this story. One star.

      I get that pretty much everypony here is very, very strongly disagreeing with me. I saw some of the comments, most of you think it's genius, really like the story. I... I just don't see it. I hate it. Sorry.

      P.S. Don't bother replying to me here, I will not be returning to this comment page. I think I'll copy this comment to the DA page (chapter 4, Eclipse), though, so you can reply there if you have an account there.

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    151. ^ ya dont bother with this guy :/ but to me,this story was just brilliant! I truly wish i had a talent for writing to possibly make something as amazing as this! Certainly a 5 star rating and then some.

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    152. Characterization was interesting from such a strange concept. However its not flawless as some other ponies would like you to think. The grammatical errors do tend to pile up after a while, and it is true that after Twilight goes berserk the story starts to derail itself. The established characterization is casually tossed out the window, and an all-out brawl ensues. The main problem I have with this is not unique to this particular instance of fanfic, but that the character of Twilight Sparkle in this instance should stand absolutely no chance against Celestia. Since Twilight was created by Celestia of her own power, it would stand to reason that Twilight would only possess a fraction of Celestia's power, no?

      I'm not saying this a badly written story, I'm not even saying that it's just okay. It's a good story, but it has its flaws. Namely a cliche battle scene that tosses all semblance of characterization and ends with a deus ex machina. In spite of this the writing style and prose is well-crafted and keeps the reader interested.

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    153. wow, someone already read it? I guess I'll read he updated part tonight

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    154. I thought the epilogue had already been posted, did something change?

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    155. I don't think 1st part's Epilogue has changed (but somehow stuck with "new" label)
      I'm confused where 2nd part is going. I thought Twilight got back to Ponyville at end of 1st one and set things right. I might have replaced story with another fic in my head..

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    156. I think it's a hallucination to give her an epiphany or something? That's what Luna implied the pool was supposed to do.

      Although it's probably more than that because you don't *start* with 'it's all a dream'.

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    157. @Atiarotias

      Slight spoiler here, but I am pretty sure Twilight is in an alternate timeline with this second story.

      Props to the author! Very much enjoying the new story.

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    158. Recap: Prior to the Sequel.
      Twilight Sparkle is an "Advanced Golem", and the very nature of that origin makes it easy for her to survive wounds that would be mortal to any other pony (even Celestia and Luna if they could be injured that way), that may or may not of been able to die of old age. That end may no longer be available to her now as stealing the divinity of Celestia created/awakened another God-princess within her (that basically is her). This in turn could mean that Twilight (since Eos still exists within her) is only still Twilight because she Wants to be, that she is mortal through subconscious force of will. I suggest that should Twilight truely be mortally injured, that it'd only be the golem body that Expires, leaving an Un-ready and Un-willing Eos behind.

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    159. I really hope this sequel doesn't end with and "and then she woke up" scenario. The entirety of this story being nothing but a big mindbuck to give Twilight an epiphany or teach her some kind of truth or whatever... it'd be a very unsatisfying ending.

      Aside from that possibility, I'm very much enjoying this so far. Keep it up!

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    160. Am I the only one who read the description for Story 2 in the voice of Theresa from Fable II/III?

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    161. Reading the second story, I can only picture the story being the pool showing Twilight the future of the first story's alternate ending, where the new Alicorn is the truely soulless golem Twilight fears herself (and Eos within her) to be.

      Now while I expect the "And she wakes up" to be a plot point, I don't think the story will end there, as this viewing of the future may show another problem, and or enemy.

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    162. out of curiosity, before I start reading the 2nd story, is there any connection to it and the first?

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    163. @Discord

      ... It's a sequel, so I would HOPE so. =p

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    164. @Ciroton

      Oh! I didn't see anything relating it to the first in the description, so I just assumed that they were just two stories by the same author, and were loosely related.

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    165. Luna seems incredibly calm when Twilight begins to be enveloped by the pool, I think if Twilight obeyed Luna and DIDN'T touch the pool, Luna would be like "LOL NO" and bucked Twilight into the pool anyway.

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    166. Thoroughly enjoyed Sunset. Will read the 2nd one when it's done. Excellent work though ^^.

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    167. Aw, poor Dash. 'least she got some sugar before she bit the nuke.

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    168. damn it, I shouldn't have read the comment before reading the actual update...

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    169. I truly hope this is an alt reality that can be reverted... Poor Twilight! Poor everypony!

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    170. I fast forwarded past most of Dawn's setup because it bored me, but I see it basically boils down to Twi getting stuck in a Days of Future Past timeline where alt-her is Hitler.

      Nice.

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    171. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Why'd you have to kill Dash? Other than that For Want of a Dawn is amazing just like Sunset. Can't wait for chapter 4!

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    172. Wow, this is the best Dawn chapter yet. The whole "Day in the Life of a Evil Tyrant" thing was cool as fuck.

      Anybody else disappointed that she let Blueblood go? I was personally hoping that she'd pull a King Joffrey and ask him "Hooves or Tongue?"....

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    173. I don't know about this ''sequel''... Just from the description and the prologue, I don't really find it interesting.

      Might try a chapter, just to be sure...

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    174. I had braced myself for something ''worse'' (and by ''worse'' I don't mean ''badly written'', mind you) than that.
      It wasn't, well... It wasn't half-bad, I must say.

      The fact that it's clearly happening in an alternate-Reality, inside an already, relatively speaking, alternate-Reality... It helps. (Might sound a bit confusing, but I'm not sure how to put this more adequately, at the moment)


      There's also the fact that I already thought of several theories, all surrounding the nature and function of that 'silvery mirror/pool', and it seems to proceed...
      A few are orbitting around those facts : 'change tactics every time', 'washed over with an epiphany', 'made by the creators themselves', and 'to aid them in their rule and the rule of all their descendants... including you, Twilight'.
      -It helps that I saw something remembering me of this, at least once before.

      -----

      Also... I can't help, but wonder why a super-alicorn, who was able to 'kill' 2 other alicorns, can't send something, like, devastating to her enemies ?
      I mean, a giant ball of fire maybe ? Or, why not a big meteor like the one she just pulverized in the last part ? (Orbital bombardment with space rocks is an ABSOLUTE Epic move in ANY book :) )

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    175. Why do i get like 3,4 fics updates in one day!? Long night ahead of me...

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    176. i have to sign up to deviantart to read the the last update? WHAT!?

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    177. MM, I'm not sure that I want to read the chapter if it is SO bad that I have to sign-up.

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    178. lol wow

      they lynchin zebras, Fluttershy's an anarchist, and Pinkie has gone Full Joker.

      What a swell crapsack world.

      Good luck w/ that Blues Brothers quest Twi.

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    179. There is a link to the Google Docs version in the description of the story. I think you can see that much. If not, have it here:

      https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GzNIrppvutc_qFdEvKDbp_Ghd0kPNy7IFPLpttVIXpQ/edit?hl=en_US

      @mycutiemarkisagun
      Twilight: *Suddenly, sunglasses and a hat* We're on a mission from god.

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    180. Ok, I read the chapter and it was no problem at all (if you ever played a egoshooter you will be fine).

      Thanks for the chapter :-).

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    181. I'm truly scared for this Equestria. I like Grimdark, but only when it ends well. Sunset was of this type. It was grim, it was dark, it was grimdark. Bad things happened, but ultimately, it resolved itself in the end, and and Twilight, Celestia, and Luna, Ponyville, and all of Equestria ended up alright in the end. I truly do hope for one of two things to happen, and most definitely NOT the third:

      1) Vision by Eos... This story is Dallas Equestria, a dream. It's nothing more than a vision of what could be if Twilight continues to repress Eos. Maybe the final lesson is that Eos snaps and is able to separate or take over Twilight again... This will be your future if you keep telling your inner "deity" to "SHUT UP" every time you hear it. The Pool of Midnight opened Twilight's mind to allow Eos to come forward regardless of Twilight's repression and communicate the dark vision. Maybe when there is an internal disconnect between such and inner "deity" and the body it resides in, it is able to break free, and is no longer bound by the mind and memory and emotion.. or morals of it's original bearer. The crazy being that lashed out at the princesses, now without the morals of it's former bearer, free to develop itself in it's own way... That would not be a good thing, so here is a message of warning to Twilight, from Eos, to show her what will come if she fails to reopen the bond within to Eos. When she wakes, she finds Luna having pulled her from the Pool of Midnight, and all is right in the world. Twilight starts communicating with Eos, and learns that Eos can be kept at bay by Twilight accepting it, and not shunning it. Magic of Friendship, y'all! DO WANT. This ending... Make it so!


      2) Alternate reality... Yes, Dash is dead, the mane 3 remaining on the loose are CRAZY, and Rarity is dressmaker to Alt reality's Escaped Eos. Alt Reality Twi is likely REALLY dead, since Eos seems to recall killing her. Great turmoil and pain will result in trying to bring 5 estranged ponies together. Someone will have to be the new Element of Loyalty. I guess that's why she's seeking out Spike... with Dash dead, no one was more loyal to Twilight than Spike. It is both meme and makes sense! yay! Wanna be Spike is reluctant at first too... This world is twisted. Of course... It'd be a truly beautiful thing if Spike WAS the one sane friend from her past who went off to live in a cave and hoard gems, sleeping his days away, dreaming a melancholy dream about the way things once were... and suddenly Twilight! yay! The elements of harmony will be restored, and Eos will be dealt with. The princesses are able to be restored (I hope), and a torn, but now recovering Equestria begins the process of healing. Twilight learns from Luna what happened at The Pool of Midnight, and learns she must return to her own world. Either alt reality resets to Luna pulling Twi from the pool and it never happened, or Twi returns to her world, and prevents the same from occurring in her own world. The torn Equestria moves on in another existence without her. Still, Twilight is home, and it is intact and safe. This ending... it's bittersweet. Twi gets to go home, and saves a torn alt Equestria, but depending if it really is an Alt reality Equestria, or if it is the real Equestria, but is time reset to 10 years ago, before the fan was inundated by horse manure, this ending may or may not be bittersweet.


      The option I DO NOT WANT... is 3) The world REALLY is this F'ed. Twilight has no past to return to. The Pool of Midnight basically gave Twilight and all of Equestria the bird and said deal with your crappy lives now! DO NOT WANT. DO NOT WANT. DO NOT WANT.

      oh yeah, also...

      DO NOT WANT.

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    182. @richfiles
      The most believable scenario right now, to my opinion, is that when Twilight touched the silvery substance from the ''mirror of Midnight'' ;

      The ''mirror'', made by the Creators a long-long time ago to assist the rulers of Equestria, entered into action in its own way (as Luna said, it ''changes tactics every time'')...
      It then sent Twilight into some sort of 'Interactive vision' of what Equestria would have been if Eos had been dominant, at that moment in Canterlot Castle, instead of Twilight.
      Twilight must then learn something from this vision, something from her relations with her friends to the acceptance of what Eos trully is(represents), or else she is to 'really' perish because of the vision (I suppose that if the ''mirror'' judges that she learned nothing, didn't get an epiphany, that she's not worthy of ruling and 'removes' her.)

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    183. @richfiles

      Judging from Luna's lines at the end of chapter 1 its almost certainly not #3 ending and imo, probably most similar to #1:

      This pool is... enigmatic. What it does is not clear, yet if you were to bathe in its waters, you would be washed over with an epiphany. It's hard to say how it would do this, since it changes tactics every time. Alas, we are here to move it, not to use it."

      A sigh filled the room, causing the purple mare to twist her head to the alicorn, a look of weariness on her features. "I told you not to, you silly filly."

      That tone seems way to casual for a Twilight is screwed type ending. Damn I want this last chapter really left me wanting more though. I'm liking twisted Fluttershy thus far.

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    184. Also when/if Twilight and her inner deity come into harmony I wonder what happens to her, become an immortality, alicornization, just a boatload of power?

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    185. Damn. I want to stop reading this, but I just can't.

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    186. Sectarian conflict. I hates it, yesss.
      In other words, who are we supposed to believe? Pinkie is honest and blatant about her madness, at least.

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    187. Fluttershy should think for a moment and would realize that 2 of the crusaders ARE unicorns – so they would need no other unicorn to sacrifice itself if they REALLY want.

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    188. I know this is grimdark, but there is so much more to it.
      This story was beautifully written and shows us all that a simple lie can lead to chaos, but all can always be repaired. Wonderful job.

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    189. You know the writing is good when something a mean character does makes you want to punch them, even if they were one of your favorite characters beforehand.

      Chapter 7 is the first time I've ever wanted to hurt Fluttershy, namely for her "You not real, so STFU and let the real ponies eat in peace" remark towards Twilight.

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