[Comedy][Random] Twilight being adorkable? You bet! It does deal with some mature themes, but the comedy... just read it.
It hit 6 star, then got star bombed, so 6 star!
Author: Cold in Gardez
Description: Twilight Sparkle is a gifted student and scholar. When she attempts to harness her creative side by writing a science-themed sensual romance novel, however, things rapidly get out of hoof. Can her friends stage an intervention before she humiliates herself (and them) at a prestigious literature recital?
No. No, they cannot.Naked Singularity
Additional Tags: Science-themed sensual romance, It's a metaphor, Twilight you're so adorkable
131 comments:
I’ve read through the story quite a few times now, and I still smirk and cringe in all the right spots. It’s fun and drew me in with every nerdy joke, every awkward moment, every shared groan as Rarity et al suffered through Twilight’s prose. The dual epiphanies at the end really were just the perfect touches to a piece of work that’s been an absolute joy to read.
I won’t lie. I’m jealous of the author’s ability to take such an absurd subject and turn it into something this well-crafted in the span of only a few days.
To anyone having their own doubts about reading this, I can assure you that it will be time well-spent, and I cannot recommend it highly enough.
Yes a story
Gardez, why do you have to be so good, and make the rest of us look so bad?
Wheeler, get off the computer
I normally don't read fan-fics, but this just sounds way too awkwardly hilarious to pass up.
NO! I have loads of stats homework due tomorrow.
...
Must... resist... need to do... statistics...
Damn you Cold in Gardez!
Oh, nice. I read this one about an hour ago on FIMFiction. Great stuff.
I just clicked because it had "Naked" in the title.
@Beta-Carotene
ITS OK I AM STATISTICS EXPERT
I will help you. Wat do?
I will read this just because of those tags.
I laughed so much it's not even funny.
This story is hilarious.
Seconded, Drakmire. This is worth every second of your time it occupies. In fact, it has to be one of the best short stories posted on this site.
I read this a few hours ago. Awkward and hilarious. Definitely something to read if you have time to spare.
Well I got nothin better to do
I'll take a crack at, doesn't seem that werid
/reads the word adorkable, Sethisto, do you visit tvtropes?
The introduction to Naked Singularity is funny as hell. Kudos to the author, doing a parody of bad writing is harder than it looks.
@Mysecsha
Lol, thanks. I just need to catch up on some stuff. Not *that* much to do.
I'm starting to discover that I like statistics, but hate this class and the book that comes with it. They make it an express point to never actually succinctly say what anything is and instead just give you a bunch of examples. Whenever I look up stuff about stats online it's always really interesting and the stuff in the class is.... not.
But nopony wants to hear me whine about that ;)
@Travis Smith the Shadowbolt
*Waits for your reaction to the part where Dash realizes she was unknowingly fantasizing about a stallion version of herself.*
This was an incredibly well done and funny story. These saucy comedies are too few and far between. I think this is close to my second favorite, tied with Fluffershy. #1 is still Bridle Black.
He.... hee hee hee hee hee hee hee...
BWA HA HA HA!
Poor Twilight. She broke rule #1. "Uncommon..."
I'm not even half way through, and I can't breathe. This is fantastic stuff, guys XD
@DPV111
No comment
Those tags! Now I have to read it!
I am so glad I gave this story a shot.
I'm dying laughing over here.
This is the most ridiculous story ever. I love it
Oh I have to wait until I go home to read this, I keep laughing and people are looking at me. This is brilliant.
Only thing I could think of while reading that description is Big Bang Theory... I think I shall give this a read in a few.
i dont even....
hahahahh between dash and the rarity typos i was in tears the whole time hahahahhahahahha
@Flutterfan
I just clicked because it had "Singularity" in the title. Strange, huh?
Oh Celestia. Comedy! My one true bane as a writer. I'll have to give this a read later when I'm not in danger of laughing out loud in a room full of other people.
Oh man this is good. I spent the second half of the story cringing and laughing at the same time
Actually priceless, never stopped laughing
I am so glad I read this. The comedy was gold. I've gotten quite a few comedy chapters under my belt, but this was grand.
This story was...incredibly well put together. Funny, clever, and a bit traumatizing. I feel as if I cringed more than I laughed, but I'm still glad I read it, and I felt the last series of sentences was pure gold.
Great story with lots of originality, just a few fanfic cliches and creepy lines to read...even if that was the point. 4/5
Oh... Oh my.
Oh my christ, she's actually reading it. Every time it switches back to Twilight at the recital, I feel like I'm being punched in the face. "No. No, they cannot." indeed O_o
Utterly brilliant. XD
Awkwardly hilarious and adorable. The perfect lunchtime read.
i have no idea what i just read, but some of the science innuendo was... interesting to say the least...
Rainbow Dash is best pony.
Prism Slash is also best pony.
Cold in Gardez is best author.
Cold in Gardez? HELL if im not reading it!
Evening Glimmer hm.
OOOO I C WHAT YOU DID THAR.
That honestly took me a few times, Twilight isn't the best fan fic writer is she?
Man alive. I couldn't stop laughing!
I mean I felt embarrassed for twilight at times!
That was So good, and SO bad.
7-stars
Man alive. I couldn't stop laughing!
I mean I felt embarrassed for twilight at times!
I had to skip sections.
Too... much... cringe comedy...
ALL MY STARS. MY GOD THIS IS HILARIOUS.
...Evening Glimmer, it's as if she's trying to make it obvious.
Too much Lol, can't breathe right now. That is comedy genius. Simply comedy genius.
This was awesome
Ahahahahahaha!
Hilarious.
I honestly can't wait for someone to do a dramatic reading of this. This is the kind of story Mic used to read in his Dramatic Reading series.
I will absolutely use some of those physics innuendos in the near future. xD This is a VERY amusing read.
@CaptainDash
But could anyone manage to read it without bursting into laughter every five minutes?
Twilight is not best author. Not at all.
Regardless, this story was awesome. I mean, using the Mohs scale for... Er... That? I need to try cutting some calcite by myself.
I don't see how this is [Random]. It's pretty straight up comedy.
@DPV111
Some of the characters are acting a bit out of character (i.e. Twilight writing a self-insert cloppy romance). The [Random] tag was our way of sidestepping that little discontinuity.
When I wrote this, I wasn't sure it would be allowed on EqD. Sometime I'll post the jokes that we scrubbed out.
That was hilarious.
5/5 because my roommate is looking at me funny for laughing so hard.
@Cold in Gardez There's more? Halfway through I was wondering if it was even physically possible for it to get funnier. (Which it did) I'm a fan of the comedy fics and the abridged series, but I've never laughed that hard.
@Cold in Gardez
Twilight being a'dork(able) is never OOC.
The idea that she would write a book in a genre she just became interested in and do so all wrong is not OOC in the least imo.
Well beyond canon yes, but not character.
Her characterizations were fully accurate and intact even if her actions were a little farfetched.
This was AWESOME! XD
as Fluttershy would say... "oh... my...." :)
Nearly soiled myself laughing. I did facepalm a lot though.
Such humor! It makes me belch voluminous laughter at inopportune occasions!
And yet another hilarious and great story by Cold in Gardez.
DAMN YOU JUNG! DAMN YOU AND YOUR HOCUS POCUS!!!!
My god. ITS MAGNIFICENT.
No, seriously. My wife actually told me to shut up because i was laughing too much.
I have a headache now from laughing so hard. That was absolutely amazing. And as a physicist, it was even better. It actually took me about twice as long to read as it normally would since I had to keep burying my face in my pillow so as not to wake up the entire apartment.
So many scientific errors BUT SO FUNNY! ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
What the hell, this just dropped .3 stars in the time it took me to read. Goddammit, people, you don't deserve nice things.
This was absolutely the most incredible fic I've ever read. Hands down. Bravo, maestro, bravo.
The title caught my attention instantly. I remember reading about naked singularities in middle school. Oh the possibilities...
I was hoping for Celestia to sit down and say:
"the fuck was that shit?"
would have made it a 6 star story
I agonize over a five-thousand word chapter for a month, while this guy churns out masterpieces like they're falling out of the sky. Unbelievable, not just for his expertise, but for his maddening prolificacy. A real talent, here. Now if only there any money in MLP fanfiction....
...we wouldn't be allowed to do it, I guess. ;)
@WaffleSmart
I was expecting RD to freak out less when she realized Prism is based on her and instead be like "That's ME!?... I'm gooooooooood."
Oh God, I was laughing the whole time
@Unknown
Perhaps not money, but hard work will always pay off somehow.
Oh, sweet Harmony, the cringe! It is too much! I actually had to take breaks in between paragraphs because of the cringiness of it all, especially when Fluttershy was asked to read what she was ever so adorably blushing over aloud.
And it just so happens that I'm so full of fail that it took me a while to realize that Twilight was writing a self-insert clopfic. It took even longer to realize which of her friends corresponded to which OC (except for Prism Slash, which I got right away for some reason.)Though I don't remember if there was one for Fluttershy...
I have to get up early in the morning, and it's currently 1:13 AM EST as I type this.
Sometimes, a heated carbon rod is just a heated carbon rod. This... is not one of those times. Apparently science just got all sexied up.
If there is ever something that is literally painfully funny, this is it. Oh, man... That was brutal.
Celestia is awesome and totally unflappable. And I loved Dash's enthusiasm throughout. Great stuff! Now let us never speak of it again.
@CaptainDash
I'm ashamed to say it took me until "Rarity attempted to digest that, failed, then circled back to the name. “Prism... Slash?”" to get the naming pattern.
salty alkaline colloid.
goddammit.
:D
this story hurt so good
OMFC. That was absolutely HILARIOUS. SO MUCH AWKWARD. I LOVE IT!
OMFC. That was absolutely HILARIOUS. SO MUCH AWKWARD. I LOVE IT!
In a word: Scientifically hilarifficward!
I was a little apprehensive about reading this based on the description but glad I did. Much lulz were had.
Leave it to Twilight to find sensuality in electrons and ratios.
Star 6 much?
Why exactly the hell this is not 6 stars confounds me.
Grammatically flawless, characterization perfect, jokes, tension, build-up, parts, everything fit together amazingly and it is definitely the best thing I've read all week. CiG is a riot, and if you're reading this comment still, stop and go read this nao. 10k words will flow like water. You won't even notice that half an hour has passed because it's so well-written.
Now to get something to eat. =s
@Present Perfect
Tell me about it. =\
I swear, this story took me twice as long to read as it should because of how cringe inducingly humorous it was. The flow is just perfect too. Each new joke came at exactly the point I had finished recovering from the previous merging together into an ever escalating mountain of pure joyful pain.
...and now I worry if my brain got broke as I'm not sure if any of what I just typed even makes sense. Oh well, if that be the case then it was still worth it.
Also, am I the only one that kinda wants to read Twilight's novel in it's entirety? I'm not even sure it would be possible to sustain the scientific innuendos for that long, but if someone could...
@Present Perfect
Some people don't like mature stuff. Probably getting star-bombed to fall that far when it already has so many ratings.
Honestly, doesn't bother me that much. The reception has been swell :)
Wait, just noticed that this is the same author who wrote about Fluttershy defending her tittle as 'Shh' champion. No wonder I love this story so much.
Now I'm going to have to raid his archive, which is really going to cut into the time I've been trying to set aside for Lacuna, not to mention making sure my Shepards are all prepped for import into ME3. Oh well, it's not like I even like sleeping.
So we had hot RarityonTwilight action combinded with gender-bender Rainbow Dash on Twilight action... and then the final was all three of them in one sexy uhm fight-off?
That fic of Twilight would have so earned 4.8 stars. XDDDDDDDD
Loved how RD didn´t got it till the end that Twilight got her inspiration for Prism Slash of her. XD
This has to be a 6-Star fic, to the Hall of Fame!!!!
@Luxin_Nocte
Haven't read it yet but there's a pic, not sure if actually relevant, of which I thought reading description of this fic (it's SFW):
http://derpy.me/raritys
This was seriously epic.
So brilliantly funny. Easily one of the best comedy pieces this fandom has produced!
How ironic, right before seeing this I watched 'F*ck Me Rad Bradbury'...
That was hilariously funny! Enthusiastic Rainbow Dash gave it just the right amount of . . . well, something . . . and who WASN'T shouting "No, Twilight, stoooop!" as she made her inevitable trek to disaster?
Six stars, I say!
this story was well written in all aspects... although ive gotta say in twi's revised story the scenes werent... really... that... bad... im so going to pony hell
This story was awesome. I haven't laughed like this in a while. Brilliant.
Fantastic story, funny all the way through. Your ability to turn science into describing sex is really amazing, well done.
@shield sprint
They weren't that bad because a lot of Twi's writing had to be scrubbed for submission to EqD.
When the story was originally slated for a FiMFiction-only release, many of those scenes were a lot more... evocative.
I started to get this amazing smile half-way through...
And it hasn't stopped yet. This was amazing. Twi, you're adorkable XD
The description alone made me laugh. This should be good! :D
This fic is like Fluffershy level comedy. 5 stars!
Wow, I laughed so hard reading this I thought I was going to die.
- Read this during lunch break at work
- Struggled to not burst into obnoxiously loud laughter from my office
- Started writing something for work and had to use the word "uncommon"
- Immediately thought of this story and had to struggle to not laugh like an idiot again
I avoid most fics like the plague, but something pushed me to read this one. I was not disappointed. If I had a quarter for everytime I face-desked while reading this, I'd have enough money to buy soda from the ludicrously expensive vending machine here.
Good show!
@Drakmire
... am I a bad pony for wanting to see the original version now? >.>
4 stars, but only because it didn't involve Luna. Would have loved to see her trying to get in touch with modern literature and then... well that :)
It was 6 last night with around 144 votes and a 4.9 average, obvious bomb, obvious 6 star.
@Sethisto
I'll take it! Thanks for all the comments guys, glad I was able to lighten up some pony's days.
HAHAHAHA.... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH................ AAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAH..... Thats overly nerded way to talk about sex. Then celestia tells rainbow dash what prismatic meant..... ahahahahahahahah trollestia with a slice of embarrassment ftw.
I really want to read Naked Singularity... sounds like a quality read.
@Drakmire
The more I hear about these more evocative scenes, the more I want to read the original version. Is there any chance of that being...posted anywhere at some point, possibly linked through some means we could find?
This story was phenomenally hilarious...beyond belief. I knew it would be too, after the last story by this author I read, that one with Fluttershy being the world champion of the quiet game.
[Alternate ending #1]
“I’m sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting.”
Twilight raised her head. Rarity had approached, and was standing across the table from the princess. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy hovered and sat, respectively, in the background.
“Oh, no,” Twilight said. She stood and sighed. “I think it’s time to leave anyway. The bartender’s been giving me some unfriendly looks.” They glanced over to see an orange pegasus glaring at their table.
“Yes, I see,” Rarity said. She turned back to Twilight. “I’m very sorry about this, Twilight. I feel like I should have said something sooner. Maybe some of this could have been avoided.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Rarity. I was so convinced I was writing a masterpiece, I doubt I’d have listened to you anyway.” She scowled at the pages resting on the table. “I should have listened more to my editors.”
“So wait,” Rainbow Dash said. “You’re just giving up on it? I thought it was awesome!”
Twilight blinked at her. “You... you liked it?”
“Of course I did!” Dash pulled the manuscript out of her saddlebags. “This is better than Daring Do! Especially Prism Slash. He was great.”
Twilight blushed, her eyes widening. “Oh, yes, Prism Slash...” She let out a quiet, nervous laugh. “You liked that part?”
“Of course! He was awesome!” Dash nosed through the pages. “Oh, what’s ‘prismatic’ mean, anyway?”
There was a long moment of silence. The assembled ponies looked back and forth between Twilight and Rainbow Dash.
“It means, uh...” Twilight trailed off. She glanced at Rarity, who shook her head slowly.
“It means ‘rainbow-colored,’ my little pony,” Celestia finally offered.
“Oh,” Rainbow Dash said, brightening. “So his mane is... wait...” She paused in thought. “Oh. OH. Oh...” She gave Twilight a long, measuring look, then slowly smiled. Twilight started to blush, but recovered quickly, raising her head and returning Dash’s smile.
“And the last mystery of the night comes to its sordid end,” Rarity observed caustically. “Oh, and Twilight? Uncommon? Thanks for that.”
Now Twilight did blush. “Oh, ah, you noticed that...” She cleared her throat. “So, um, what did you think of that last scene, then? The one with all three of them together in—”
“I think,” Rarity said, “that fantasy is not your best genre. If you get my drift.”
She did. “Ah, well, that’s good, then. Very good.” Twilight glanced around. “So... ice cream, anypony?”
[Alternate ending #2]
Twilight blinked at her. “You... you liked it?”
“Of course I did!” Dash pulled the manuscript out of her saddlebags. “This is better than Daring Do! Especially Prism Slash. He was great.”
“You... you liked Prism Slash?” Twilight said. Her voice was full of hope. “Did... did you like how he and Evening Glimmer—”
“What, her?” Dash waved a hoof and scoffed. “Nah, she was boring. Really, a librarian pony? C’mon Twi, I’m not an egghead. Prism Slash, though... yeah, I’d do him. I’d do him like that.” She knocked a hoof on the table, producing a loud report.
Rarity winced. Fluttershy looked away. Celestia shook her head, though the gentle smile never moved from her face.
“Oh, right,” Twilight mumbled. “That... that would be silly. Someone as awesome as Prism Slash could never love a librarian...” She sniffed. Fluttershy rubbed her back with a hoof.
Rarity coughed into her hoof. “You know, there’s a place down the road that sells ice cream. My treat?”
@Acriaos
You mean something like The Moony Maiden?
>She wondered if she was becoming obsessed. It had happened with her before: magic, friendship reports, centipedes.
-Centipedes ? ... ...the game, right ? I don’t think Twilight is really into ‘Entomology’.
>Twilight Sparkle, of all ponies, caught in an indiscretion! Was it a stallion? A mare? Two stallions?!
-The possibilities ! :D ... ;)
>‘Do me. Do me harder. Mount me. Make me a mare.’”
>“I told her there was nothing wrong with writing romance novels. I can’t go back and tell her to stop now.
-Hmmmmm... Pretty sure at this point this doesn’t qualify much as ‘’romance’’ as an ‘erotic novel’, really... I think Rarity could tell her to adjust a ‘’little’’ her wording.
>“Oh, most romance writers don’t.” Fluttershy looked wistful for some reason.
-Darn... I always forgot what is supposed to be her ‘’author’s name’’, in those few stories... rose... pensive... Something-a flower name ? ...Penelope ?
>It was time to get dirty. Dirty with science.
-There’s literally dozens of ‘’cheap’’ jokes that could be made there... Dozens !
Also : SCIENCE!
>Alas, boutiques were expensive, and she only had the one.
-There’s also all those pesky people, from the Insurance company... looking around... asking QUESTIONS !
>Nice,” Rainbow Dash said. “I’ll trade you sections when you’re done, Fluttershy.”
-Why no ‘’wingboner’’-RD... in ANY of those scenes ? Not even a single one ? ...I’m a bit disappointed.
>Another victory for reverse psychology!
-Telling Spike it’s a ‘’love’’ story isn’t really ‘’reverse psychology’’, you know ?
It’s like saying that you will go get a glass of milk, to a lactose-intolerant... of course he’s gonna refuse to get one.
>“Cheerilee? What are you doing here?”
>“I’m volunteering with the Canterlot Benevolent Association for Impressionable Young Fillies,”
-You know... it’s going to be awkward, like ‘rolling yourself in bacon, before jumping into shark infested water’... without any swimsuit... on National Televison.
>Twilight, please believe me, there’s nothing a fine, upstanding young mare like you could write that would be harmful to these fillies.
-Did Cheerilee became temporarly deaf, for a few seconds, when Twilight explicitly said : ‘’some VERY MATURE topics’’ ?
>“Princess Celestia!”
-*gasp for speaking* ...well, you know what ? I think Celestia might actually find this pretty funny, all things considered ?
>“Mom, not in public!” she whined under her breath.
-Huh... I think that’s the LAST thing she should worry about of ‘not doing in public’, at this moment. Just saying.
... Dun-duun DUN! It’s too late ! The world refused to change...but you are still hungry ...
>“And the last horse finally crosses the finish line,” Rarity said flatly.
-If just slightly funny, it’s a rather interesting line(for what it’s used/means here).
-----
So... while the ending(last scene) seemed a bit ‘light’, it was relatively ‘ok’.
For the rest, well... for the odd/random-like comedy it tried to show, it was relatively good.
On the ‘comedy’ part, hmm... well, I think the goal was more to have ‘’moments of awkward amusement’’ rather than straight/direct humoristic scenes, in this story ; so on that point, it worked well.
@Beta-Carotene
I like statistics.
But, if you don't read stories... humm... what do you do around here ?
I mean, the website is about more than 60% Stories, I would say ?
In fact, *quickly* like that... I would say :
60% Stories (all kinds)
20% Videos (all kinds)
10% Various news and information
5% Specific news, contest and charity information, and the likes.
5% Random 'other stuff'.
@Nova25
It's a *very* fine line between romance and erotic novels, really darn near non-existent...
@HMorris73
Yes... ''thin''. Like between 'ice' and 'water'... *roll my eyes*
There IS a clear and distinct difference and separation between the 2... but, it mostly depends on how 'thick' you decide to make the 'ice'... and if you roll on it with a 60T tank or on foot.
This story was excellent in all respects. Also, from the glimpses of it present in the text, I believe Naked Singularity to be the single greatest work of literature ever produced.
Naked Singularity, eh? ...Nature/God/Whatever abhors this. (Sorry, physics joke; had to be said.)
Oh boy that was awesome, so well written and with so much funny details. Really enjoy it
The funniest fan fic I've ever read amazing. defo 5 stars
Finally decided to give this a try. Very glad I did, it had me laughing. Raucously that is, not just the occasional snigger and grin.
I love how Rainbow Dash is completely oblivious of the not-so-subtle subtext up until the end. And the "Canterlot Benevolent Association for Impressionable Young Fillies"... yeah, there was pretty much no way that was not going to end in disaster.
6 stars well earned, nuff said.
Oh my goodness Twilight has got a freakin PHD in dorkableness. This was really well written. Nice job!
I would totes buy so many issues of "Naked Singularity: Event Horizons of Lust", it is the greatest novel in the world! I should have totally read this in English instead of "Hamlet".
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