• Story: Birthright (Update Part 5!)



    [Adventure] [Sad] [Sci-Fi]

    Author: Netaro
    Description: Since the earliest days, ponies have foolishly believed that the natural order of their world would never change. That there would always be magic for them to use. That the princesses would rule Equestria for all eternity. That nothing could change their happy and ordered lives.

    They were wrong. An event, known as The Shift, caused the world's magic to weaken, and the days of Equestria's glory came to an end.

    Now, many years after the cataclysm, the world is still broken. But there is hope. Some vestiges of magic still linger in the world...
    Birthright (New Part 5!)

    Birthright (Alternate)

    Additional Tags: Magic 'almost' leaves the world, everything gets worse,

    27 comments:

    1. Birthright!!! ^_^ i guess im the first commenter.

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    2. "Magic 'almost' leaves the world, everything gets worse, OC Ponies "

      eh....

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    3. The alternate story for Princess Luna!!! ^_^

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    4. this looks really interesting, i hope it's good

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    5. Ponies hit peak Magic!? What horror is this?!?!

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    6. @wackypony
      Is there anything that you didn't like in the description? Please tell me, I'm striving to make my story good, and every single feedback, be it positive or negative is appreciated :P

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    7. @hubba404
      Hmmm... Peak Magic? Like Peak Oil? Funny, never thought in such term when writing this... Gives me quite a few ideas to use :D

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    8. @Deosgaeno

      I'm not big on OC ponies, also the length is sorta off putting.

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    9. @wackypony

      Well, it's not exactly OC story, because Mane 6 and other characters do appear in the story, and to be honest, as the story progresses they will take the spotlight. But if it's lenght that's offputting you, then there's nothing that I can do :(

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    10. I just wrote an essay about the nature of magic for my own story. So I am quite uncomfortable with the thought of magic leaving Equestria. But ill give this one a shot because I like cover and title. ^^

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    11. Probably going to read this tonight. It already looks amazing.

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    12. @Sebbaa

      So you're writing a story that would have strictly-defined mechanics, right? I'm interested, please tell me more.
      Also, it's quite funny you like the title, but if that hooks readers, then its awesome!

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    13. @Deosgaeno

      And just as I wrote that I liked it, you change the cover.

      I think that the world I write in needs fixed rules, so I will not go and contradict myself in the story. It would make the reader go "Huh? What just happened? That's not supposed to happen this way." Thus putting them out of the story.
      So I try to first understand Equestria, make my own Equestria so I can used it for my story. This includes the nature of magic, so I can descibe how it is used and so I now what it can do and what it can't do.
      If you are interested I could send you my essay on magic on FIMfiction per PM. My nick there is the same.

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    14. @Dementedkat

      Did not read it yet, but from the synopsis, it appears to be quite good!

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    15. I wasn't going to read it, but after your comment on the mane 6 appearing, you got a reader. Also, length is good. I won't start reading until you hit 9+ chapters, though... I hate cliffhangers.

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    16. I really like like that cover art, I'm using it for my current background.

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    17. This sounded like a great GREAT read... then BAM! Fimfiction.net shows up. meh -.- nevermind.

      sorry author, I won't use that site till they fix the download options .txt formatting. It is utter garbage.

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    18. My main problem here is that the description gives the setting, but doesn't actually say anything regarding what the story itself is about.

      Are they trying to adjust? Restore the magic? Find out why it happened? Fight a new enemy?

      Most dust jacket synopses give both a brief setting and a synopsis of what the general plot and premise of the story is.

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    19. @DPV111

      Funny that you mention it.
      My previous summary was pretty much 'standard dust jacket', as you call it.

      It was so unbelieveably cheesy that my beta-readers agreed that the current summary is simply better and manages to catch potential reader's attention better.

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    20. @Deosgaeno

      Oh it's WELL WRITTEN. I like it quite a bit as the setting half summary. It's just missing the 2nd half, the actual story synopsis.

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    21. Crap. Someone add a Grimdark tag to all this.

      The only questions in my mind relate to what the heck is going on? I'm reading this story, but I'm bewildered by how the Elements of Harmony have been perverted to ensure that magic was rendered null and void.

      The Mane6 have been broken, but it really sounds like that this story isn't going to be over for a long, long time.

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    22. @MadDoctorD

      To clarify a few things: do you like my story so far?

      In your comment, you've said that "The only questions in my mind relate wo what the heck is going on?"

      By that, you mean something like "Interesting, I've been given a lot of puzzle pieces, but not enough to make a full picture" or "Holy crap this is illogical?"

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    23. I do like it. Did you take a little bit of inspiration from Fallout Equestria when thinking about this? If not, I think you would like how the Mane6 have taken a very large role in the creation of the setting. In that sense, it's quite similar.

      I'm just trying to wrap my head around some of the language that is used. Pinkie Pie using her real name in the letter is also a big deal since she never uses it. Fluttershy being bruticus maximus in corrupting individuals and rewriting people personality? This is some pretty heavy stuff.

      Fragments of Harmony are incredibly dangerous and Discord is a lesser of evils when Celestia puppeteered the demise of the land...

      I have to wonder about Discord. How is he not stone right now, was he released? I'll look forward in the later chapters to see how this unfolds.

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    24. @MadDoctorD
      I did not yet read FO:E, therefore I don't know/I'm not aware if my story is in any way similar to FO:E.

      It makes me rather happy that someone compared my story to a tier-1 writing that FO:E is :P

      Just a question, because I don't seem to understand one thing you've said: What did you mean by "I'm just trying to wrap my head around some of the language that is used." -> Is it confusing?

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    25. At first I had trouble following everything, lots of OC ponies, and definitely not enough answers to the many, many questions. But now I'm really curious about those mental parasites, and I'm dying to know more. Thanks for sharing!

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