[Comedy][Normal]
Author: The Descendant
Description: After a strange set of circumstances involving baby beavers, a field trip from Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, and an "epic rain cloud" leave Sweet Apple Acres adrift Applejack writes to Mayor Mare asking for some understanding, some sympathy...and a bailout.Bailout
As things go from bad to worse around the farm a young republic is tested and Caramel finds himself in an usual position...all while Applejack informs the mayor of her attempts to save the farm.
Additional Tags: Caramel gets harassed by beavers.
28 comments:
First! Also, ill read it!
Caramel gets harassed by beavers? This I HAVE to read.
Applejack needs to get off her haunches and stop looking for gub'mint handouts.
Also, I'm pretty sure Prince Blueblood needs a tax cut.
This is pretty much the only set of beavers that Caramel's going to be seeing anytime soon.
*Applejack-esque chuckle*
This is a lovely piece of sarcastic humor.
And yes, I did read it in AJ's voice.
Stupendous! Funniest comedy I've read since 'Progress'. Delightfully witty and incredibly uproarious.
Applejack: Must hide...*munch munch munch*...all of...*gobble*...the evidence.
I just read it, and damn, it was worth it. Very funny. Question though; if Twilight summoned and killed the bowl of petunias, doesn't that mean she is Arthur Dent?
@pmcollectorboy
O U.
Bonus points for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference.
I read it and it was hilarious.
The additional tags alone make this a must read.
The humor lies in the situations here. And partly in how calmly they are described. Of course there was a few odd jokes such as the "he he, dung" joke and such. But the main appeal here is the tone and how it contrasts with the events.
I dunno, It felt to me like it was trying WAY too hard. it started piling one thing atop another, which is okay, but when you start making islands out of shit, bring up the intricacies of cow democracy, and vagina jokes, along with a long separate subplot for every mane character, there comes a point where you just go "okay now this is just getting to be too much."
Sorry but this seems to me to be an example of "Trying too hard to do too much."
@Dusty the Royal Janitor
Really? What I got out of so many things was the atmosphere of an extremely hectic situation that AJ was trying (unsuccessfully) to explain calmly to the mayor.
@WizardShy
Ehh, maybe that would've been the case if I could keep track of it all. To me, there got to be so many things that I started losing track and ended up getting confused and frustrated at points.
I dunno.
Well, that was funny if a little too busy and frantically paced. Though I must say "the most adorable display of uselessness I'd personally ever witnessed" has to be one of the better random lines I've read the last few days.
@Dusty the Royal Janitor
Heh. That's all in perspective I guess. The stuff in this story was relatively easy to follow for me but then it's nothing compared to some of the chaos and I have had to deal with.
This got posted yesterday, but got taken down a few minutes later. I even had a whole review written up for it! I only had one real criticism: I feel like the language Applejack uses is a bit out-of-character.
Besides that, it was good. The cows were my favorite part.
@mycutiemarkisagun
Tax cut? PFFT. That would imply I'm paying taxes in the first place.
Caramel's gonna need years of therapy after this...
The beginning was great. Then it started to get a tad too long...but still it was a great read. It was funny, it poked fun at government and had the best Applesnark I've read in a long time.
Wow.
This is the worst Apple-ack-sent on the blog. You do NOT need to murder your prose in order to make us hear an accent that we all are hearing anyway.
I'll admit, the concept looked good... but I just can't read it any further. The accent is absolutely atrocious, and the vocabulary is just as offputting. Applejack's not the easiest character to write dialogue for, it's true, but 90% of getting her 'voice' right is in word choice.
Elocution, inebriated, and saccharine are not words that would ever naturally come anywhere near Applejack's thought process. Rarity or Twilight might be able to pull it off, but AJ uses much simpler and more direct vocabulary.
The worst thing, though? Your story is presented as a letter. Why in the world are you doing a phonetic accent -outside of dialogue-?
In short? Amusing concept, but deeply in need of editing. 2 stars.
I can't get into this. NO ONE would ever write their own vocal quirks into a letter this way. And even though I've been informed that it's a joke, AJ isn't the kind to ever make that kind of joke! Poor execution, I don't know why this is here.
Pretty much echoing Whiteout's complaint here. The problem was that it was a lovely, inherently humorous premise, but it needed a lot more sculpting and whittling before actually getting posted.
As it is, it needs the help of somebody that KNOWS the phonetic characteristics of southern speech... and did it really need the Futurama meme shoutout at the end there?
It has potential, and it made me chuckle in spots, but there is a sharp divide between that and being pitch-perfect.
Honestly? I started off enjoying this, but before long it began running into almost all of the same problems that the earlier Dear Idiot suffered from; and as it went on (and on and on and on) they just became more and more glaring until I finally just got to the point of reading it to get it over with.
Only I would say that this story is inferior even to that one, because at least Dear Idiot (as horribly out of character and overwrought as it was) didn't attempt to describe multiple plot threads at once through an excessive speech impediment filter (which, because of how frequently it is peppered with words not even a philosophy student would use, doesn't even make sense from a literary point of view even if we did ignore the fact that this is supposed to be a letter).
This is going to sound harsh, especially because of how much I loved The Descendant's other stories, but I honestly don't think this should have even been posted here without a serious editing job purely to make it readable.
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