Author: Daetrin
Description: When Celestia sends Twilight along with Luna on a diplomatic mission to Draconia, they soon find themselves in a place that does not appear on any map.Apotheosis Part 1
Apotheosis Part 2
Apotheosis Part 3 (New!)
Apotheosis Part 4 (New!)
Additional Tags: Long, Gods, Demons, Choices
118 comments:
@Sethisto, put down the keyboard. Don't spoil the story!
...
I'm not the only one seeing that most of the comments were made by Seth, right?
Oh, nevermind, I should have looked at the previous posts before commenting. Still, it's really unnerving...
Will read later. Have some homework to do right now.
Why are all these posts made by Seth O_o?
Any where i cam find these stories in epub or pdf?
Twilight and Luna might end up resorting to som....
OOOOHHHHH. FIRSTing
Having pre-read this (as a good friend of the author), I can say that it's worth every minute.
...Even if it is VERY long.
Oh No. All the non-google posts got deleted.
"I can't stand me! How can you stand me?"
Aw Miles, I mean, Luna.
Not much else to say but that this is really interesting, about the only thing I don't like is LUS (the unicorn, the alicorn, etc) but other than that I'll definitely be watching.
"This is a pseudo-sequel to Off The Edge Of The Map"
O_O
Confound you homework!
I will defiantly give this a read later.
If you're skipping out on this due to the tags, as a number of now deleted comments had mentioned, you're really missing out.
It's amazing just how much the image encompasses this first section of the story. Oh yeah, and they're not kidding with that long tag.
Anyway, great story so far! I'm looking forward to the next section.
Edit: I miss comment editing already.
@crowind
Yeah, I couldn't resist using that line.
(And I wanted to mix it up with just using their names all the time! Ah well)
As being a full time MLP lover, this novel is an excellent one, for it gives full background detail amongst many characters, mostly Twilight and especially Luna, whom we only seen very recently. I personally would recommend this tale to my mates and I hope this novel will even one day appear in the children's section of the library.
First, I must admit that as a friend of the author, and one of the prereaders of the story, I may be slightly biased. Therefore, the best impartial advice that I can give is to suggest that you read it and form your own opinions. My best personal advice, however, is to read it because it. Is. EPIC.
this...is...AWESOME, i cant wait to read the rest! :)
tla cuel
tla xihualmohuica
Nanahuatzin
achtopa niyaz
achtopa cotlatocaz
zatepan tiyaz
zatepan totlatocaz
achtopa nictlamiltiz
in centeotlalotli
in cencomolihuic
ca ye niquiczaz
in Tlalli Ixcapactizin
ahmo nechelehuiz
ca ahmo nelli
Tlalli Ixcapactzin
ca zan ilhuicac
ipan nonyaz
ipan ninemiz
come
help me
Nanahuatzin
I'll go first
I'll be on the road first--
then you'll go
then you'll follow the road
I'll be the first to cross
all the desert lands
all the canyon lands
I'll pass swiftly over
the Earth's smooth face--
she won't hinder me
no matter what truly lies
on her smooth face:
up in the sky
I shall go
I shall walk
Sorry if the comment is to long or spoils it but that is what the passage meant when they were in the desert.
Was really good. \o/
Definitely putting this on my watch list.
Why must people insist on making stories in which Luna is robbed of her powers and is basically dependent on Celestia for everything?
Long tag? I'll be the judge of that.
-reads it-
Alright, a long-tagged story that earned it! And its GOOD! However, you do know it's ok to use a pony's name, yes? You don't have to refer to them as "the unicorn" or "the alicorn". Seriously, authors try WAY too bard on that; using the name is good enough 75% of the time.
ALSO! The title had me thinking alicorn Twilight, but after reading chapter one, I'm fairly certain I know better now. A unicorn with wings indeed.
Damn, I'm really enjoying this one. Looking forward to the next part!
that... moon mechanism? that was brilliant. please, please don't make me wait forever for another chapter. moar!
ALL OF MY FIVE STAR, JUST TAKE IT!
Oh why must I get drawn into these long ones? I'm a sucker for a 12,000 word chapter ;-)
Beautiful! Looking forward to the rest of the story and Luna's apotheosis.
The comment where I mentioned this got deleted, but parts 2 and 3 are close to done, so they'll follow more quickly than if I were writing them from nothing. This should be done before Christmas.
Pretty good; although your transitioning to different places is a tad hard to follow :/
Maybe that's just me
I'm impressed with your imagination, you come up with such interesting locations and events for your fanfics. Really looking forward to more. :D
Also, I totally meant to mention this in my first comment, but it somehow completely slipped my mind (Y U NO EDIT BUTTON?). I do not at all understand what memories were being stored for Luna in that room. A thousand years of nights? What does that even mean? It seemed clear to the characters what it was, so I don't think it was meant to be arcane techno-babble to the readers... but if it was, then good job.
I'm not sure what I expected when I started reading a MLP:FiM fanfic, but I certainly wasn't expecting something that well-written.
Some of the transitions, especially in the clock scene were confusing, as others have said.
However, I think that's probably my only nitpick. The characterizations were spot-on, and the bits that were added to the setting flowed seamlessly into Equestria, assuming an update for teen+ level readers. Reminded me to some extent of the Alanna books, actually. Those who've read the books will know that's high praise.
Well done, I'm looking forward to the next installment, to my pleased surprise.
@Cedric Bale
That's what she missed while she was banished.
@Confusing transitions - yeah, it's not entirely unintentional, but hopefully next update some of that will be explained.
Off the Edge is why I got into writing fan fiction. While it's not catered to spec for me, it's the story that touched me the hardest, to date.
Pseudo-related-not-quite-sequel. With actual shipping tag.
*Rubs eyes*
Sometimes, I consider subscribing to solipsism, because the only way this could happen is if the world truly loves me and knows exactly what I want.
@Daetrin
What she missed...? But she was trapped either on, or in, or as part of, the moon for that time. What perspective are these memories from, the moon's? ... That would kind'a make sense actually, if you consider being the (ex?-)Goddess of the Moon as meaning that the moon is a part of her... Yeah, I think I can accept that the moon could somehow be at least semi-aware of the goings-on in Equestria.
Huzzah for answering my own questions (even if I'm wrong)!
Even if this story doesn't star Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash (the best ponies), I'm still gonna have to read this. Off The Edge of the Map was too awesome for me not too.
So it's on my list. I'll probably re-read Off the Edge first though, as I've been meaning to do that for forever. XD
My stars. Have them all!
And part 2 is live :D
Here. take them. All five of my starts. You deserve them and more. Just, please, PLEASE post the last chapter!
Can't wait for more =D
It's an amazing story.
I did have to read the first part of chapter 2 multiple times since I couldn't follow at all =/
I am loving this fic. Seriously. Sad there will be only one more chapter :(
Since I know there will be questions about this:
Yes, they are in the Equestrian version of The Dreamtime.
I don't understand why this isn't 6-star.
UPDATE!!!! AAAAAAHAHAAAAA!!!
Ok, so, I was looking forward to this. I read this, then backtracked and read Off the Edge of the Map in a day, and had to wait the WHOLE DAMN WEEK for this update. Totally worth it.
A great read(I like the cover art as well). Its clear what Luna is going to gain from the story, the tags make it pretty clear what they'll end up sharing but I wonder if Twilight will have something that she specifically will gain from this? Most disappointing part of the story- that last line in chapter 2, only 1 more chapter to enjoy!
Master Daetrin, you are a genius of the pen. If the conclusion is half as stunning as what I have read thus far, I will be most impressed.
You should honestly get yourself paid for this. If I had it my way, Apothiosis would be cannon.
@Kitsunekun VII
Even if I could, I wouldn't feel right about charging for ponyfic.
(which is why this is my last fic for the forseeble future, I need to work on original writing).
Anyhow, you should probably wait to see the end before clamoring for canonization ;)
Sweet. Off the Edge of the Map is my 2nd favourite pony "Adventure" story after The Dread CHitin (although I haven't read Dangerous Business yet). I WILL be reading this FIRST as soon as I finish The Inheritance Cycle. (Taking a break from fics until that and Skyrim are done.)
This story is brilliant. One of the better adventure fics I have had the pleasure to read. Kudos to you author, keep up the great work.
@Daetrin
'The Dreamtime'? I was thinking Warcraft's Emerald Dream. I assume they're similar? Not sure what 'The Dreamtime' is from.
@Cedric Bale
Dreamtime is originally a part of Aboriginal Australian belief.
This is a real gem; some of the best writing I've seen on EQD. Your characterizations are believable and deep, and your prose is excellent. I look forward to the next installment.
The rest is live, and has been submitted to EqD so it should show up...at some point.
Just finished the last chapter and the Epilogue, definitely worth reading!
Stories that have this much good character development are rare. Five stars, will read again.
So many complated fics in one night! Where were all these when I had a ten hour work shift last night!?
NOTFIRST
FOR CELESTIA'S SAKE, AN DOUBLE UPDATE OF A FIVE-STAR STORY THIS LATE AT NIGHT? I'm never gonna get to sleep... *crys* *reads anyway*
Yahoo! Or should I say Huzzah!?
Great story, I loved it a lot!
For the love of all that is pony, read this. It's excellent!
The moonspell was a magnificent piece of writing! As was the basilisk. "Everyman" type allegorical works can get so clumsy and heavy-handed but you're hitting just the right tone... IMHO.
Oh, frikkin' Celestia, I posted that above before I noticed that you've updated and completed the story! *Glee*
BEST
FANFIC
EVER
That is all.
Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.
<3
That is all that needs to be said.
Huh? Complete? Awww, I thought it would be longer. *sigh*
Some parts of it felt a bit rushed towards the end (notably the sudden romantic pairing between the two of them), but it was still an enjoyable read nonetheless. Looking forward to more.
Wonderful. Simply wonderful.
But I want more. Is it my imagination, or did you leave a sequel hook in the epilogue? I like to think I have an eye for those, but it might just be wishful thinking...
The author seems to have a particular fondness for surrounding smaller characters with things surreal and enormous in scope.
I'm completely impressed by how he/she manages to make both Luna and Twi seem tiny in comparison, and yet equal to all of the challenges that lay before them.
I wouldn't be an ouroboros if I didn't say I was jealous.
i know you said this was the end, but dude seriously. you need to follow this up with a Comedy/Romance story on them ruling for the short time celestia is on "vacation" that would make my week.
@Vargras
Yep the ship moved a little too fast for my tastes. You could see the ship coming in my opinion but it really sped up in Ch. 3. Minor complaint for me, still enjoyed the story thoroughly.
Really fantastic story. Huge in scope and an awesome ending. Well done!
Pacing the shipping was really hard.
Too rushed, maybe, but I made an effort to set up all the dominoes in parts one and two before the ouroborus pushes them over.
Also, this thing is 42k words, making it longer would have been...difficult X.x
It was... beautiful. I dont think it should have been much longer, and the shipping was good. I'd love to see some kind of sequel with luna and twilight running equestria while celestia is on vacation tho :b.
[Spoilers]
Hmm. I must admit I am somewhat disappointed with the conclusion. I loved the first chapter, and the second chapter was even better. The emotion was handled well, we had great descriptions and the general idea behind the story was intriguing and a delight to follow. Luna's "sudden" revelation towards Twilight didn't feel that sudden to me. She is obviously rather good at guarding her emotions, and the signs have been there throughout. Twilights reaction, though with the enormous amount of shipping fics no longer original, works for me.
Twi's sudden rise to divinity however... The notion of immortality and what it means has been used as a plot point many times now. Perhaps that is why you don't really go into it. And perhaps the fact that Twilight chose her fate, unforced, is significant enough to explain her casual acceptance. Nevertheless, it bothers me. In addition, I wonder if the story required it. It does feel slightly forced to me, mainly a way for Luna and Twilight to avoid the problem of her mortality and what it means for their relationship.
Of course, now she faces the same problem Luna would have faced with her, only she faces it with her friends and family. And it is more or less ignored.
Still, Other then that I loved the story.
@Baree
I figured this particular shattering of status quo would be the most objectionable bit of the story, and it's a valid objection, no doubt. :)
She certainly does face that problem, but there wasn't room, thematically or textually, to address it.
On the other hand, Twilight doesn't tend to think through the consequences of things, so that seems pretty in-character.
On the gripping hand, if Twi stays mortal, under the assumptions I've put together in this story, Luna is condemned to repeat the NMM cycle again. This way they have each other...really, Celestia and Luna are tragic lodestones, because they are immortal among a race of mortals.
You may have noticed I characterized Celestia as well, by what was hers within the story. She's the architect, Luna is the artist. Celestia is thought, Luna is emotion. Celestia is feared, Luna is loved, if fandom reaction is anything to go by...with that established, Luna needs a companion by her nature.
...rambling now.
I think it's amazing that we have such a wide diversity of imagination in the fandom. In one day I've been able to read a story where Twilight becomes a goddess, and another in which she becomes G&PT's student so she can learn to perform card tricks. What a playground for the mind this is!
lest we forget the story where twilight is a golem and loses her fucking mind and tries to kill celestia, only to become a goddess for a month afterwards lol... god that little pony has balance issues, time for a patch. no fuck the patch, I love my little op twilight.
So...where does she go on her vacation?
@crazyBE
For some reason I am under the impression she will go to Equestria's Soul, aka the plane Luna and Twilight just came from.
Although one wonders if her presence wouldn't be a disturbing factor like Luna's was, if there the case.
This was and is my favorite fanfic of all time, and that tiny bit of FlutteeDash at the end just made it 20% cooler.
So, I finally made my way through the story (which took me quite a long time, thanks to not having english as mother tongue) and I have to say, it was brilliant :)
I've read a few fanfics about Twilight becoming a goddess so far, and even though some of it was predictable, I still got goosebumps while reading it, especially in chapter 3. I couldn't help myself but to giggle like a little girl... yes, I do that when reading something exciting :D
The shipping was well timed, it was hinted throughout the entire story, but the revelation by the dragon-god was a new, refreshing way to deal with it. Embarrassed ponies are the best ponies ^^
Twilights sudden divinity may sound a bit lazy, but if it weren't for it, the story would have been named different. Also, it enables a happy ending, but with some future complications because of the mortality of Twilight's friends. Could be stuff for a sequel (even though there is already an awful lot of stuff like that out there, I would read it for sure).
Come to think of it, what were they eating the whole time? I don't remember a single mention of hunger, but thirst. Well, just a little flaw, I just noticed it.
@Baree, and the whole rest of this community: keep up the awesome work! I love you all.
@Baree
I doubt that's where she'd go, but I'm dying to know where she DOES go. I think the author said this is the last fanfiction he's writing for a long while, so my initial thought that it was hinting at the next fanfic was probably wrong, lol.
I freaking loved this whole thing, at least as much as I loved Off The Edge Of The Map, if not more because I'm a nut for Twilight-Becomes-Even-More-OP stories.
Thank you so much for this wonderful story! Upthread I looked forward to Luna's apotheosis, and was treated to not only that, but also Twilight's ascendancy. Well done on all fronts, and I look forward to read what future projects you may pursue, be they fanfic or otherwise.
I have no idea where Celestia would go. Yes, I did set it up with a sequel, but it isn't on my project list. In some ways it may be better to leave it in the reader's mind, because I doubt my ability to write the inevitable hilarity of Luna/Twi trying to run Equestria and juggle all the balls Celestia has in the air, while simultaneously giving the sun goddess the proper treatment.
(I only mentioned food/drink once, that Twilight used her finder spell to get it, because I figured it wasn't worth the repetition. Ponies have easier food choices than humans)
This seems like a sequel ripe to be a trilogy! But as you already said, you want to leave it in our minds, but I will be awaiting another if you decide to write one sometime.
So, I just thought I'd mention this for the writer, even though I absolutely LOVED Apotheosis. It's probably one of the best pony fics I've read. I don't really comment on things on EqD, but you've earned the one piece of constructive criticism I can try to give.
There are some places (especially in chapter 2) where your setting involves geometrically complex settings. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but in my experience as a reader I've found that the more complex a space is geometrically, the more likely it is that the author fails to describe it in a way I can understand, or rather CARE to understand.
When I'm reading a piece of fiction, I typically am not in the mindset to go reread or closely read a description of a space because, to be frank, I'm lazy. If I wanted to have to interpret someone else's description of spaces, I would go read a math textbook (which I do often). When you describe a complex space, some readers are going to follow your description very easily, while others who don't think of space in the same way you do will find it difficult.
I've seen quite a few authors of published novels do the same kind of thing. It's your choice as a writer to include those spaces of that much complexity, but you're going to lose some readers along the way if you do.
Here's to Star 6 Apotheosis!
I liked the story,and the Ouroboros made me chuckle. Really liked the diverse settings you made too, and the clock scene sounded really cool. Yup.
I love this fic, it's simply awesome. You should do another fics just like this. Seriously, awesome.
Given the title, Twilight's apotheosis wasn't exactly unexpected but I think you handled it very well. Your settings and characters are wonderful (in the literal sense) and very enjoyable. "Until you understand," sent shivers up my spine.
Off the Edge was a good story but you've taken quite a step up with this one. 5/5
I'm sorry to learn from your comment that you don't intend to write the obvious sequels, Luna and Twilight Accidentally Trash Canterlot and Celestia's Awesome Vacation, but whatever you write next will be an instant read for me!
This was a great story. I'm a sucker for the Twilight and Luna pairing, too. But just once I would like a story that has the two getting together without Twilight ascending to godhood. Sure, it would be sad for Luna, but that just makes it an even more interesting concept to explore.
This was incredible. The world was well made, the characters were well developed, and the depiction of godhood was fantastic.
@The Bowbina Google Docs has a download option. Just click it and you'll get a pdf version of the fic.
Such a perfectly beautiful ending to an amaing story. I look forward to seeing more works from you in the future.
Such a perfectly beautiful ending to an amaing story. I look forward to seeing more works from you in the future.
Okay, I finished it, it was a long damn trek through three extensively long chapters and an epilogue but I finished it.
--MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS SO DON'T READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED--
Okay, what I liked about it was the setting. It was cool to explore somewhere truly unique to the established universe and it tied in rather nicely. Though like someone said before me, you seemed to fall short of describing some locales. After trying to interpret what you said I took upon the challenge of envisioning the crystal object of such complexion myself. Which I supposed turned out alright but it would've been nice to really grasp what you had in mind. But as someone who writes myself trust me I KNOW how hard it is to described complex settings so I won't really hark you for it. For the vast majority you did a pretty good job no doubt.
The Ouroboros (you spelled it wrong) was a cool idea for sure as well.
Now what I didn't like:
I don't know if it was just me failing to remember (though I have a hard time imagining I would) or whatever the case may be where you conveyed Luna's developing emotions for Twilight. I only recall one brief moment shortly before the Ouroboros where you spoke of Luna's affection. And while you may have given signs of how she felt, that whole scene where she confessed to Twilight in front of the Ouroboros was like a "Dude, What?" scenario because there was no real insight to how Luna felt prior to it. Perhaps bringing it up after they spent some time in the pool together or when Twilight showed up after Luna originally abandoned her or after Twilight saved her from the hungry winds would've done nicely.
And while necessary, Twilight agreeing after being proposed by somepony who she didn't even know HAD feelings for her (and it never really spoke if she had any to Luna herself) felt abrupt. Like you wanted to get to that moment in your writing but you forgot about the many things that lead up to it.
Regardless, I enjoyed the read. a 4 star job in my personal opinion because you did a lot of stuff right in my opinion. but just those things I mentioned really hurt it as well.
Thanks for the read
I love Twilight, I love TwiLuna, and I love "Twilight-Becomes-Even-More-OP" fics, so I just love this, too. And I would even love it otherwise, because it really is well written and gives me the shivers just very few shipfics are able to give me.
Yes, Twilight becoming a god as well was kind of "a way for Luna and Twilight to avoid the problem of her mortality", but I liked it. It is silly and goofy, but adds up to the shipping effect.
I, like Vurtax, didn't like the pacing of the shipping that much, too. I'm one for really slow pacing, and although those hundreds of shipfics have steeled me I still sometimes cringe a bit. 42k words is the minimum for a shipfic like this with proper pacing and hence can work out, but it needs to be present more often. Like at the pool scene, etc.
Building a relationship is difficult, you must not make too big steps, rather small ones, and more of them so that the story doesn't take forever. You've had a few rather huge steps, and over vast passages nearly none.
However because I don't compare this story with my conception of the best story ever but instead with other fics here, your pacing is certainly one of the best. Other shipfics are waaay worse.
And everything else is top notch anyway. So - BUCKING STAR 6!!
Fantastic writing, Full of epic scenarios, a very well characterized Luna and Twilight, and a good ship. I was glad you didn't go over the top with it, as I've seen in plenty of other fics... It was very reminiscent of Spark, but I think you did a better job overall.
Well now, this was a surprise. I never expected a sequel to Off the Edge of the Map, and certainly not one of this caliber or scope. It was a very enjoyable read, but I have to say that the writing got a bit too loquacious near the end.
Other than that, I can find no fault with the story. As Gayettix above me said, STAR 6 THIS THING!
F*** SHIPPING IT RUINS EVERYTHING
Nah, I kinda like it, Ben.
I really enjoyed this! I like the way it concluded, with Twilight now a goddess, and being on a more equal level with Celestia and Luna.
And I'd love to read more from you. I'd particularly enjoy seeing some kind of casual sequel to this, telling about the development of Twilight and Luna's relationship after their return to Ponyville. That would be cool :D
Oh, and of course Celestia's vacation :3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17MTtXG-79U&feature=related best song for first chapter
enjoying this so far
im speachless, that was the greatest fic ever! XD
This was definitely one of my favorite fics, right up there next to Fallout: Equestria and Past Sins(harp all you want, it was the first one I read). As such, I now want to write something myself. And as for the imagination of the story, damn. I never would have thought of a freaking eldritch abomination machine that raises the moon. That's just F***ing brilliant, pardon the language. All in all, a very good read, especially since LUNA IS BEST PONY. Kudos to you for writing it.
I really enjoyed this XD. Nicely written, kept me entertained and all in all a great fic. Nice work!
I have to say, Daetrin is very good author and has a special way to his writing which makes every part of the story feel mysterious and sometimes even ominous. Especially the part about the Wind Shadows which was nothing less than a stroke of genius. Definitely one of the best (if not the best!) adventure stories on Equestria Daily.
This is an absolutely amazing story, and I highly recommend it to everyone. Everything about this story was amazing. "Oh wow, that was so COOL! What's gonna happen next?!" That is pretty much my reaction throughout the whole story.
Amazing work.
Do I sense a third story coming up, in the near future?
Time to finally getting to read this, saving the chapters as PDFs now, Kobo is charged. then car ride.
I very much enjoyed this fic. My only qualm about it is more of a personal one: it seemed a little too...abstract for my taste. But all in all, it's still a great read.
umm so does this have anything in it that I'd have to read "Off the Edge of the Map to understand?
@ChaosKnightTHK
It sure doesn't. Reading Off the Edge of the Map would explain better who the king of Draconia is and why Equestria is reopening diplomatic relations with them, but that doesn't really have much to do with the actual plot of this story.
tl;dr You can read this without reading Off the Edge of the Map first.
@ChaosKnightTHK
@Cedric Bale
But I would seriously recommend reading Off the Edge of the Map, if only because it's a great adventure story. I actually like the adventure in that one better than in this one, though I love the end results of this one more. I'm a sucker for TwiLuna stories AND for 'Twilight becomes even more OP' stories, so this one hit the nail on the head for me. I really need to read Spark one of these days...
Yay yay yay yay sequel time! Oh man how did I miss this one? Off the Edge of the Map is my favourite FiM fanfic ever, so this is going to be awesome.
Both Off the Edge of the Map and Apotheosis are great fics! The finale like this just begs for a sequel and I can't wait to read it.
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